I think this is a classic case of "how the random average person uses a term vs how an expert uses a term". I didn't know until this video that ADHD or Depression were syndromes. If you had asked me if they were I would have said no - they are illnesses/treatable mental health diseases or something. I didn't realize that syndrome had a specific use or meaning in a medical context.

@Ligma_butt

2 жыл бұрын

Dunning Kruger.

@maztor_sin64

2 жыл бұрын

I think Dr. K was saying Sin Drones not Syndromes? 😂😉

@lokiofasgard312

2 жыл бұрын

Wow you didn’t know what syndrome meant…

@DamianSzajnowski

2 жыл бұрын

@@Ligma_butt wtf does that have to do with misuse of medical terms

@Ligma_butt

2 жыл бұрын

@@DamianSzajnowski obviously more than you can comprehend, chump.

What Dr. K here doesn't mention explicitly is that neuroticism alone won't help anyone. Its always in combination with conscientiousness that it gets harnessed and turned into external success. People who are low in C and high in N might not even start a task because that would mean they would need to face the torment of low self-esteem. Plus the higher risk of falling victim to addiction. High negative emotions create the craving for comfort that wont be contained by non-existing conscientiousness.

@WanderTheNomad

2 жыл бұрын

Damn, you're really calling me out like this huh?

@rokosbasilisk5376

2 жыл бұрын

@@WanderTheNomad I myself have this combination. I totally feel you bro.

@eshepard8565

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for this.

@Sundji

4 ай бұрын

Yup. I was worried out of my mind through college to the point where I was entirely incapable of learning because my mind is just stressed

I feel blessed that there is such a thing as dokter K, being able to learn, talk and understand about your problems without having to leave the house and go to a therapist is a blessing. As someone who struggled with a traumatic event that happened in the past and got into a major depression because of that. I just wanted to let everyone that experienced the same thing know that you are not alone and you will come out on top. Even though it may be hard and pulls you down to that dark place, there are still people that love you and it can only go up from here. Much love everyone.

@monolith_g

2 жыл бұрын

He is in my head answering the questions I have when I have them

@JuiceTubes

2 жыл бұрын

please don't mistake watching a video online with engaging in therapy with a professional.

@radiationgeneration4006

2 жыл бұрын

@@JuiceTubes went to therapy for 8 years, don't worry I'm not mistaking it.

@scaramoucheysimp

Жыл бұрын

@@monolith_g jm dc j kk iti just m n j mu

@nolanbrewermusic

Жыл бұрын

I just wanted to say, thank you for this comment.

17:15 "i try to let go but there's comfort in the panic". - Chester Bennington

I envy people who can get into flow state and remain there. Every time I've been close to it my shit of a brain activates and says "ey this is flow state? well now we're conscious and it's not flow anymore" And it can happen in everything, talking, studying, playing games, working. The crap I have for a brain will always be there to activate and stop me from doing anything. I wish I could smash it into pieces. I hate it as much as it hates me.

@fire2fireable

2 жыл бұрын

yeah that happens to me too but being aware you are in a flow doesn't necessarily break the rhythm; it's the anxiety of leaving that state that breaks it (for me). It is pretty much the same as getting an enlightenment from heavily meditating- it isn't as if you are not allowed to be conscious of that flow state, it's whether or not you are depending on it seems to be the answer ive gotten from that annoyance. (edit): it's basically that buddhist bind of "seeking" enlightenment. Wanting a state is like an egoic possession of the concept which twists the whole point of *being* enlightened. It's a fucked up situation for everyone it isn't your brain that's bad I promise you.

@juansolis8891

2 жыл бұрын

You do know it's learnable and can get better at entering it, right?

@WanderTheNomad

2 жыл бұрын

Yea, I think to reach flow state and maintain it, you have to forget about it. You can't be worried about not reaching it, or excited about reaching it, or worried about it suddenly stopping. Just focus on doing the best you can do on whatever you're doing. Also, I've heard that the way to increase your chances of reaching the flow state is to experience a challenge that is not so difficult that you experience anxiety, and not so easy that you experience boredom. Simpler way to say that is: Flow lies in between anxiety and boredom. The anxiety will make your mind preoccupied with worries of failure. The boredom will free up your mind and allow it to wander aimlessly, instead of focusing on your task.

@user-ee1fn4vt8b

Жыл бұрын

“I hate it as much as it hates me” That makes sense, since *it* is *you*. Stop hating it and “it” will stop hating you.

@SukacitaYeremia

Жыл бұрын

Wait, wtf? It can happen to anything? To multiple things through one person's mind? Not just one thing for one person?

My therapist got me to realize i was holding myself back. Not the what he intended, but he helped me see it for myself. He told me i was overworking myself and needed to take time for myself. I tried and started losing it because i was stressed that i wasnt working enough. However taking that step back let me see that although i was making progress i actually could be doing more. Some things i was focusing on just werent important, other things i was avoiding. I had to evaluate why i was avoiding them and worked out that i was scared. Every time i thought about those things, almost all taking a step up the ladder, i told myself i wasnt good enough for it or that i would mess up and cause trouble for others. Except those next steps are ones ive already taken. Ive done the training, learned the skills, and readied myself. Im already doing some of the things in other places of my life. I was letting my inner critic control me. SO when i went back to my therapist and told him I wasnt going to be taking time for myself, but rather was going to double down and throw myself into my work i expected him to protest. Instead he asked what that meant and if i enjoyed it. To me it meant reading more books on leadership and management etc., bettering myself mentally and physically so i can tackle more stressfull jobs, making the effort to be around crowds to network, and working more intentionally at work to better my abilities. And yeah, i was having a blast. He said it sounded like id found how to take time for myself with out even realizing it. Ironically more effort and stress is what helped me relax out my depression a little bit more.

@TheDarkPatito

2 жыл бұрын

yeah, "taking time to yourself" sounds like "dont do nothing for a bit" but its actually figuring out what you want and do things with intention. Great job ;3

@johngriffon2118

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheDarkPatito yeah. I thought i was supposed to like take more days off. Go on walks andsip tea under a blanket. Maybe that would work for others but i found myself feeling even more useless.

@Iquey

2 жыл бұрын

True. I think there's a big chemical difference between meaningful/hopeful stress and meaningless/aimless/hopeless stress. One is swimming forward harder and the other is treading in place to stay afloat in quicksand, but still feeling like you're gonna sink no matter how much harder you flail your arms.

Since I started watching Dr. K, every so often, I wanted to write down what I personally took from every video and thought that sharing wouldn't hurt (then the fire nation attacked): "The line between trying to accept yourself and being yourself is thin. I should always try being myself, since it's not always a disadvantage, but get closer to the other side as much as possible. On the other hand the pursuit of being yourself is often followed by ambition: it comes from self flagellation led by ego, I'll never be fully contempt with it, it costs happiness. Having no ambition while being passionate about the medium of the craft I work on is what unlocks my full potential, in that small window I call the zone. Or the flow state as Dr. K put it." Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

@harirao7929

2 ай бұрын

I'm a little confused with what you're trying to say. Can you clarify?

@figoilmiocanele

2 ай бұрын

@@harirao7929 it's been a year and I think what I was essentially saying is "improvement good. Lazy or greedy bad." with a lot more words

POV: You are chained down

@Ligma_butt

2 жыл бұрын

POV: u stoopid.

@dopple4544

2 жыл бұрын

When the chains are sus

@monolith_g

2 жыл бұрын

Like in elden ring, I was slayed while chained

Really love these tiktok response videos because of how serious misinfo is on the platform. It's a really good opportunity to explain concepts from the ground up, vs. the more applied examples we get from interviews or responses to reddit questions.

Wow I needed this video. When I look back at my life, I can see that I overcame every challenge, maybe not perfectly, but I still did it. But when I look forward I feel like a giant failure who will never be able to get what I want. When I talk to people, they're like, you're a great person, and I'm like, no,no, I'm the worst.

Overthinkers like me focusing and remembering tiny tiny details from 10 years ago:

@wildeskompositum9556

2 жыл бұрын

Holy shit, i always wondered how i remember so many details. That makes so much sense

@AmzMusic11

6 ай бұрын

Read the books by Michael Singer, he has some podcasts too they will change your life and help with the overthinking.

@RandomGameClips27

21 күн бұрын

@@AmzMusic11 thanks for sharing Michael Singer

I try to avoid using the word "worry" to mean "knowing what to prioritize" because it has a lot of additional meaning associated with it that is related to unnecessary or non-conducive suffering. Instead I would say something like "headed in the right direction" because they know what they need to do, but there is no fear or resistance to what is happening.

@Qdawwg

2 жыл бұрын

100%, priorities implies that there is an endless list but the things at the top are most important. And there isn’t enough time every day to do everything on the list, so this mentally actually decreases worry because it’s literally useless to worry about the things at the bottom of the list you can’t get to

True Self Assessment and Reflection is one of the most valuable skills you can ever know

From what I got from the video, I see that there’s a time to keep the baby elephant for growth and a time to break free from it when it doesn’t yield growth( usually when you’re fully confident in your skills or ability’s)

@wafflewaffle8529

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly, nicely put

@WanderTheNomad

2 жыл бұрын

Yup, keep thoughts/mindsets that are useful, then either throw them away or swap them out when they stop being useful. One man's treasure is another man's trash afterall. It's like swapping equipment when you're facing certain enemies or in a certain area in a videogame. Or I guess a more accurate analogy here would be changing out equipment when you've reached a certain level.

@beansworth5694

Жыл бұрын

@@WanderTheNomad I like the analogies in this thread. I think the most accurate one, in terms of video games, would be more like how some games allow you to respec your skill trees- sometimes a game will let you do it instantly and for free, but oftentimes you can only do it one skill at a time or for a resource cost. Changing your mental and emotional mechanisms is slow and highly time-preferential like that, and it's a constant temptation to go back into your comfortable previous skill tree or stop the respecialization since you're already used to it and up until a certain point in the game it'd worked well enough from your perspective

Thank you for this video Dr. K. It's very helpful with helping with anxious thoughts.

Gotta get through the perception that people seeing me sweat is a catastrophe I need to design my life around. It really is deep rooted

A lot of people are trapped in mediocre jobs that they do not care for precisely due to the 'baby elephant' syndrome. They may believe that they are capable of more but the specter of rejection or or being otherwise unable to get into a job more representative of their capabilities. This kind of also relates to the inflation of what is considered 'educated'. Once upon a time it was finishing school and maybe learning a trade. Then it became certification. Then it became a degree. It seems to be headed towards a masters. Always coupled with a 5 or 10 year experience tag - and that's without getting into discrimination - both of the kinds for which awareness exists as well as the kinds that do not. Work-life balance means different things to different people. For persons trapped in mediocre jobs it is about either improving their odds of getting into a less mediocre job - or a lessening of the pain relating to the mediocre job concerned. Mediocre jobs can do a number on ambition... either quantitatively or qualitatively (motives). The other party concerned with that transaction are also not necessarily worthy of that added 10-15%...

Inadequacy is real. I feel obsessed over what I do because I so badly need to make quality work. It takes my work to places unimaginable a few years ago, but it's fueled by persistent distress and also results in perfectionism that prevents me from actually committing to and finishing anything. Wtf do I do though? Like he said, I don't actually want to change, but the stress is killing me.

17:35 made me chuckle lmao based. But in all seriousness this was such a good video, things I’ve struggled with for years being so eloquently said. Thanks Dr. K 🙏

This is very cool. I never really thought of the fact that "the baby elephant feature of the mind" can be a part of what drives us forward.

We always had that problem in DBT therapy. We were supposed to challenge harmful core beliefs, without really exploring what those core beliefs do for us. Supposed to stop self harming, without exploring what the self harm does for us. Understanding makes it so much easier to naturally let go of old beliefs

Calling it a feauture clears up so many things

The level of your reasoning and usage of language is so satisfying to listen to

I think this "flow state" perfectly describes my mental state sometimes when I'm really into doing some math problems. It's like I lose my sense of self and my mind peels open and everything I've ever learnt relating to what I'm doing just pours out. Theorems materialise from nowhere and I do arithmetic operations subconsciously until I write a solution, step back and wonder. How the hell did I figure that out so quickly?

@georgesonm1774

11 ай бұрын

Beautifully put. I've actually experienced a similar thing creating music but I've forgotten about it for some reason - until now. Thanks for reminding me :) I guess this answers the question that my tormenting critical mind poser immediately after watching this video: do flow states only happen when you're doing something in service of others? So the answer is no - and it's not necessarily ego-serving either... Sometimes all it takes is just genuine CURIOSITY towards whatever you're doing... That's my takeaway from this, at least

One thing I have learned is that my 'comfort zone' is not "comfortable". It is just what I know, or what is familiar to me

Man, you're pretty intelligent and pretty underrated.

I enjoyed the discussion and Dr K had good points on how to balance and address ambition, success, and happiness. However, Dr K also skipped another discussion that I believe is actually a step closer to the original video. As another commenter pointed out, the story of the baby elephant is essentially an anecdote for the theory of learned helplessness (which I wish Dr K brought up rather than using the alternative name 'baby elephant syndrome' as Dr K pointed out, we should try to use more precise language when discussing these topics). I view the original video as talking about how past negative experiences can teach us incorrect/imprecise lessons and may imbue us with a sense of inadequacy. In essence, those lessons tell us which actions we take won't yield any results and should be deprioritized. Dr K used that as a launch point to then discuss how that sense of inadequacy may be used as a source of motivation and that this perception isn't necessarily harmful in itself. The issue with this change in topic is that it skips another important discussion. That is: what are you supposed to do if that sense of inadequacy doesn't become a source of motivation and rather detracts from any motivation or inspiration? Dr K's lesson is a valuable perspective for those who have the mindset to keep grinding at what they want to achieve, no matter how inefficient the actions might be. But it also completely skips discussing what to do for those who instead give up rather than put in the effort because they think there won't be any success, even if that effort will actually be rewarded.

I spontaneously took a bike ride halfway through this video. you've helped me so much

dangit, another one really hit home with this video. i need to go through my past videos now, and judge myself on how pretentious i am haha thanks

I havent watched the full Video but hope this helps me cause I've been dreaming my old classmates and hear their voices in my dreams since COVID started.

I'm gonna have to re-watch this. There is some things here that take time to settle in

Oh God, I love this!!!!!!❤

If I had watched that tiktok video first I would have never questioned why or how it is a syndrome even tho I know the definition of what a syndrome is (learned it in school lol). I think I would have just gone with it and think of 'baby elephant syndrome' whenever I would feel like I am letting others opinion affect me and It might have had become like an excuse I give to myself not realising I haven't even understood the concept of it properly yet. Using words in the correct manner is so important.

Kinda wish I could get a chance to talk with dr.k, though I know it won't occur because of factors. But a video like this, sorta helps in giving aid, when I feel that i don't have enough aid in my life.

Ambition let me grind my "10,000 hours", but only acceptance and service is what has turned me into an artist.

@georgesonm1774

11 ай бұрын

If I can ask (as a fellow artist): was it service to other people (like, the belief that your art will benefit others) that let you do it? Or service to your muse / art / talent?

@DeeAreDee

4 ай бұрын

Same question- ambition allowed me to get really good but I don't know how my very specific skillset can help others. Every way I can think of feels silly and not actually helpful at all.

@cory99998

4 ай бұрын

@@DeeAreDee contributing in small ways is enough

I love them... but my parents... mostly my mom, was a component in how I grew up to be as disfunctional as I am now. As I was growing up and learning new things she would get fustrated with me cause I wasn't learning or doing things fast enough. It made me grow up to have major anxiety when I take too long to learn something. So, I avoid that anxiety whenever I want to learn something new by not doing that thing at all. I am going to college right now to be a barber. I am having trouble learning how to cut hair and some of the people there have been cuting hair even before they got there. If my haircut isn't perfect and/or I didn't do it fast enough I am more likely not to go to school the next day. I still want to learn barbering but my anxity spikes so high it makes me want to drop it. Same with learning art. If I struggle to draw or sculpt something I will stop for weeks or months. My younger sister is completely different. She loves drawing and crafting and she is great at it. I was part of her inspiration cause when she was a kid she would see me draw and she just ran with it. Straight A's in school. Scholarships. College. The very fact that I look up to my younger sister is just more proof to me that there is something wrong with me and that my mom was right... That I do learn and do things too slow. I still see her struggle and everything but despite that she still does great work and has supassed me as far as art is concerned.

@alienswillcomeAWC

2 жыл бұрын

Hey, there's nothing wrong with you. You sound like what some people call a "late bloomer". I fall into this category too: I recently withdrew from a media studies program through in person college halfway through junior year to pursue electronic music and sound design through an online program. Now I am 23 and won't get my degree until I am 25-26 years old. A big reason why I withdrew was well, my original college choice didn't have much of a music program and I fell in love with the craft part way through college... the pandemic also shifted my priorities as well: I met people with diverse political standpoints online and I began to feel like the academic world was too gated and I did not want to address only a small circle of people with my work, I wanted to reach as many people as possible through an easily accessible medium like music. But the bigger reason I withdrew was that I really struggled with my mental health and taking care of myself was really hard when I was living by myself (I'm living at home with Mom now, and well, she isn't always the most supportive person, she will criticise me similarly to how your mom would by saying I'm too slow, don't listen, or she'll just pick up what I was doing and finish it for me and just hold onto the resentment of "doing all the work" until it eventually blows up on a bad day... at least I'm being financially supported at the moment but I hope to move in with my boyfriend in a year's time). At my lowest, I was having violent intrusive thoughts and paranoid delusions that people could intuit them as I was thinking them or even hear them in my music... I was on the cusp of having OCD but everything I read about it didn't quite fit my experience. My thoughts usually featured a certain cast of characters I was struggling to write a good ending for. Everyone has intrusive thoughts from time to time, but some people have them so much they have to do targeted therapy or take medication to get them to go away. For me, I was holding too much of the world's shit too close to my chest and not opening myself to the possibility of love. I thought having violent thoughts made me a bad person, a morality crisis, but what I was really having was an imagination crisis. That's why I was struggling to write a good ending. It's harder to imagine good in the world if you don't allow yourself to believe in it in your everyday life: that people love you, that your work is lovable, that you won't be crucified for not doing things perfectly all the time. Music has been my coping mechanism for dealing with the lack of empathy and violence in the world, and a way to imagine something different, because imo words aren't enough to express what I'm feeling. Music helps me digest difficult feelings, and I am working on being more open socially as well (having a real life means I can have a healthy creative life), because having honest connections with people (a partner, close friends, supportive family members) does so much good. It takes time to bring people into your world and tell them how you really feel, especially if you just agree with people on what seems like autopilot like I do, but we'll get there. Meanwhile I'm also a recovering perfectionist. But as a wise person once said, don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good. *You won't get better if you don't accept what you're doing wrong and work on it.* I'm an only child so I don't relate to the looking up to a younger sibling bit, but I look at musicians my age or younger who have already found their voice and found success and that can make me feel inadequate sometimes... plus I was a fencer in middle school through high school and saw people my age and younger win more competitions and get higher ratings than me, despite some of them starting fencing at a later age than me. I've been a highly emotional and anxious person since puberty; I relate to the label of Highly Sensitive Person, and when society doesn't make space for deep feeling, it's alienating. A lot of HSPs are late bloomers, so maybe you would relate to the concept too, it's been scientifically studied that about 15-20% of the population is Highly Sensitive. It's not just feeling a lot emotionally but also being more sensitive to stimuli in the world. I find it validating. Anyway, my first tip for you... If you're passionate about barbering, I believe you'll find your love for it again despite the anxiety and despite what your mom says. Doing something creative every day, even if it's not barbering, and sharing it... that will build your confidence. Even if the project is not finished or you don't think it's very good, even if you're just sharing what inspires you and your thoughts on that, or sharing a coloring book page you colored in... *share your art for art's sake*. You can share your latest creative project with someone close or post it on social media. As long as it gets out there, you can get used to being "seen". The second tip... When you're struggling with a project, don't be afraid to ask for help. Ask for help BEFORE you think you need it, even. It's embarrassing to ask for help, I know, but most teachers are there to help, they love answering questions. This is a skill that takes time to learn, so be patient with yourself. My last bit of advice is, maybe you need to talk to a therapist (or sign up for Healthy Gamer coaching), if anxiety is really inhibiting your ability to be present in the world and show up for class. A therapist or coach can check in with you and hold you accountable with these things without shaming you. Take this with a grain of a salt. Therapy is not always a cut-and-dry positive experience. Sometimes you have to make a lot of phone calls before one even picks up (but they all do free consultation calls)... and not having a good match with your first therapist is normal (either because of who they are as a person or because their modality doesn't work for you), so don't feel bad about dropping them and getting in with somebody else... that being said, a lot of people have great experiences with therapy and it really helps them. If you're in the US, I recommend using TherapyDen as your search / directory rather than PsychologyToday, you learn a lot more about the therapist through TherapyDen. As Dr K has said before, the placebo / nocebo effect applies to therapy and if you don't think it will help, it's less likely to help (and if you think it will help, it's more likely to help). So if you decide to do therapy, try to be as open minded to it as you can. Feeling behind in life and having perfectionist anxiety adopted from how you were raised is **so normal**, I can't stress that enough! I have all the hope that you will feel better about yourself and be successful in whatever you want to do. It gets better, my friend. It gets better.

@Trinity_505

2 жыл бұрын

Kinda messed up that we often derive value from efficacy (performance, work, talent, skills). I don’t know y’all obviously but sometimes parents are pushy because they love you and want you to have the best life possible. She probably knows life is gonna be harder if you don’t develop certain skills or become really good at something then translate it into a career. Maybe it’s like that. Take the love from it. Appreciate her care, but ultimately to move forward you need to repair the relationship with yourself. Derive value from internal things. Being a good person doesn’t depend on your career (I’d argue certain careers turn you into a shithead tho lol but that’s another topic). Focus on loving you, finding love for your fam, and communicate that to them. It’s okay to fail. Hard pill to swallow. But it is okay. You chose something, do you enjoy it? Can you put in the effort to? It’s okay to switch to something else. Or find a hobby to further explore what interests you. The system is rigged against kids such as yourself, that is by no means a fault of you. Can’t force a square through a triangle hole. So then find some square openings, it’s not always worth splitting yourself in half just to fit in (woah super deep metaphor)

Great Video!

22:10 That is so true, when I'm writing some story, it feels almost like I am just describing what the characters are doing, the surroundings they are in, rather than creating it and forcing them to act in certain way. And too often the story deviates from my original intentions. It really feels strange, like you are expecting that pub in the village will be some nic, well build building full of life and when the hero arrives, it is just some random cottage without guests. Or you expect that some high priest will be this unfunny fanatic, but it turns out that he is quite logical and not fanatic at all.

Is it similar to when you get into a groove doing a repetitive task? You zone into the task and do it super efficiently until something interrupts that focus.

The guy in the TikTok assumes there is some talent or skill you’re suppressing from keeping beliefs but that isn’t so. And sometimes when you challenge a belief you see it’s actually true

I used all my ambition and energy to get to where I am today, and it's exactly where I wanted to be, doing exactly what I wanted to do. Am I top of the chain? Nope. I want nothing to do with management level tasks and responsibilities. I'm a happy, healthy, worker-bee in a place that treats us well and I have no complaints about the benefits or schedule or pay. Work ethic as high as ever, just... not concerned with advancement and for now-me, that's perfectly fine.

I was right there on board with you until the last sentence, which basically says that you can work your ass off as long as you're working in service of others, and there's no downside. Some little people literally kill themselves by working so hard they don't take care of important survival stuff, because working for others justifies/requires neglecting oneself. Or people work just as hard for others as they would for themselves, but never feel fulfilled because maybe they see how they could literally work non-stop and never really help because the need is so great, or maybe they are looking for fulfillment in the wrong places/for the wrong reasons. And I know people who use the fact that they do a lot in service of others to bludgeon family and friends with, like "you should be busting your ass like me, and if you're not, you're doing it wrong...must be nice to have time to go for lunch or do physiotherapy but SOME of us have work to do." Pouring yourself into your work to the point of ignoring everyone and everything else may be great in terms of how much art (etc) you make, but isn't necessarily good for you. And pinning your self worth on how hard you work may seem justified if you see that it has good outcomes, but if you're ignoring the bad ones then your self-worth is eventually going to get slapped down too.

Great as usual!! I have seen my psychiatrist (five years recovering heroin addict/bi polar disorder/ptsd/yadayada..) i’ve been religiously waking up and specifically looking for Dr. K uploads. I’ve stopped seeing my psychiatrist over the span of many episodes tiny information. Helping me to live a normal more free life from being chained to the doctors office. Thank you-

Thank you Dr K

I have a persistent memory of something my angry abusive adopted mother said to me in my mid teens. This was late 90's when it was still normal for kids to play outside, my siblings and I walked to our cousin's house about 1km away on our own, and when we got back she gave us a bollocking then singled me out and said snarkly "so your wings are starting to spread too huh?". Since then for many years I felt guilty any time I would go out and generally not free to be myself.

This video is Not about being “stuck in the past” but being “stuck in ambition”.

The tictok video is using the baby elephant story just as a lead into what he really trying to say is "if someone tells you you can't do X, you should rebel and prove them wrong." However whether baby elephant story really prove his point is another story.

Ooh new upload!

As far as ambition goes i guess what's said in the video is true, but that's just one side of it. The other sides are the negative and the neutral beliefs. The negative ones being like - I'm ugly, i don't deserve love, nobody wants to be around me because X, Y, Z, I should end myself because I'm not good enough at A, B, C etc. And the neutral being like: My style is H, I'm doing J in such a way, etc. And you need a lot of work to change them

I think this is the first time Dr. K loses me. I don't really care that it's not a syndrome, and I don't get the relevance that much. It's interesting, that's all. However, I can relate to the baby elephant a lot, because I feel like I got a lot of ropes throughout my life because of overprotection from one parent and unmet expectations from the other. No bad intentions, though, it was just their heritage that they gave forward. But that kinda paralyzed me with a lot of things throughout my life. It didn't help with ambitions as Dr. K said. It held me back from trying. And it wasn't like a fear that I couldn't get over. I didn't even recognized that it was from an external source until my late 20s. I was just feeling that I'm not made out of the material that is able to achieve success. Whenever I was getting close to achieve something of significance, I kinda backed up. Like the elephant, that could play with the rope, but didn't try to pull it farther, because it learned, that it's unable to do so. Realizing it took a lot of time. Fighting it is never done. It makes a lot of difference, that I know, what made me this way, but it's hardwired, like I cannot express enough, how much. For years I got angry just thinking about the lost opportunities, just because my parents didn't know better. Then I made peace with that. What I'm trying to say here is that Dr. K went in a direction, where the rope made the elephant doubt and second-guess, but eventually powered through, or made up excuses against the solution. I'm the elephant, that fell for the trick, and there was no one around to even make excuses to. Especially, becase the hardwiring never stopped, I just understood it after three decades and I can avoid the treatment.

@letsreadtextbook1687

2 жыл бұрын

You misunderstand what he was saying. It's not that " the elephant eventually powered through, or made up excuses against the solution.", he's going to the direction that means the rope isn't always wrong. I guess it loses the baby elephant image, yes. Let's say that.... instead of making the elephant unhappy, it can also be the case that it drives the elephant to be successful in the circus....

i think in islam there's a similar thing to ambition n letting go, its "ikhtiar" aka trying ur hardest similar to ambition, and "ikhlas" which is letting it go, knowing that u did ur hardest and what happens next is circumstances (or in islam, what God is willing)

@zoli11

2 жыл бұрын

And we can see every day how Islamic countries are the most developed, peaceful, educated and loving, societies the entire world would love to live in. What a great source of guidance. Thanks for sharing.

After talking to my mom, i realize my own mother has this mindset and she projected it onto me. She believes talent is born, she looks at my dad and believes she can't be a businessman like him, she is just always following him. This angered me. This angered me so much that I am now determined to prove HER and myself wrong. NO, we can learn. we all grow and learn, we arent fixed in one position.

I want a audio book from dr k on this topic with more detail cuz this is exactly what is happening to me rn

Dr.K is awesome, he pretty much dismantled my issue with my KZread "hustle". I dont like to work out from ambition but from meaning (he calls it service). If I don't find something meaning full, then I don't make a video... otherwise I feel burned out after a certain period of time.

I feel like the difference is thinking you need to do better and thinking you can't do better. The elephant mindset thinks it can't break free whereas a healthy mindset sees shortcomings as another challenge to overcome.

Ha! I just finished the first year of my PhD (molecular biology) with 4.0 which I attribute in its entirety to my high neuroticism. I was terrified of failing and so convinced it was 100% possible that I over studied and over prepared so much. Having a 4.0 means nothing to correct it, I am here worrying about failing in the second year😭

@cookiegirl891

Жыл бұрын

Wow . Good on you

@blondscientist

Жыл бұрын

Final year PhD in genomics. Grades really don’t matter. It is going to be the independence, resourcefulness, proactiveness, grit, managing people and negotiating and a whole slew of other skills that will get you through. My biggest mistake was I saw it as yet another (huge) exam to pass. It’s not school anymore, it’s life. You are an adult now and the ability to finish a project with integrity is what’s being evaluated. Hope this helps. I don’t mean to say there is nothing to worry about, just that I misestimated what I need to worry about.

@di3486

Жыл бұрын

@@blondscientist It was never my purpose to get all A’s. My point is that my profound neuroticism makes me over prepare. The A’s are just consequence of my extreme fear of failing. I know that all that a PhD entitles is resilience.

@blondscientist

Жыл бұрын

@@di3486 Cool stuff. I wish you all the luck. I hope you get to enjoy it along the way as well 🙂

the description the first person gives reminds me strongly of 'learned helplessness'

I needed this! Their was a Good man who recently spoke to me and his name was Edward Snowden... he kept telling me why are you always stuck in the past? I told him I'm not sure why? Actually I didn't even know I was stuck in the past as much as I was until he brought it up to me. What's weird is... Mr. Snowdens mind has always put him in the future based off the way he speaks and acts... my mind kept putting me in the past based off of how I spoke and acted... So on that day Mr. Snowden and I played as each others Doctors since we both have trust issues... so as we played Doctor vs Doctor... we figured out alot about each other and I realized... I'm going to be the one who protects everyone from going to far into the future and I'm also going to be the only one who stops everyone from going to far into the past... either way you go... if you go to far... YOU BECOME NOTHING and once you become nothing after being something... you can't become something again... you only get 1 chance on becoming something... so I beg of you... don't go to far and become nothing because you will stay Nothing... FOREVER! Also not to make Edward Snowden jealous or anything but it was Dr. K who helped me with this one because Mr. Snowden is an amazing Guide but he's no Doctor like Dr. K and I. ✌️😇🤘

@princesseuphemia1007

2 жыл бұрын

Alright spill it. What have you been smoking today and where can I get some? XD

@maztor_sin64

2 жыл бұрын

@@princesseuphemia1007 I smoke that Good stuff called OXYGEN! It's actually an Air of a Time! 😇🤣

@princesseuphemia1007

2 жыл бұрын

@@maztor_sin64 Nice. I need to get me some more of that stuff. XD

hi editor of the videos, great job first of all. I listen this clips while commuting so I do not know if the video ended or not because sometimes Dr K. stops talking to think and what I am asking is could you put little music or something at the end to indicate the video is ending?

24:54 this reminds me of the part from the movie click with Sandler. The main guy wanted success and when the remote just put him in that "auto pilot mode" he was able to achieved many great things, but he disconnected from everything family, friends, and happiness.

I just have total apathy and zero will to even try to live anymore. I’ve reached out to people for help and I’m unhelpable. I can’t even help myself.

@domainexpansion-boosiefade

16 күн бұрын

who have you reached out to? strangers? friends? family? it’s hard to think not one of them could help you

C'mon, being introverted does not mean that you are a loner, it means that being alone recharges your energy.

Ok now this is personal lol

He who is stuck in the past will never see the future

Part of the reason I was so successful at school and never got into trouble was because I was afraid of the consequences of misbehaving and not studying. I always got along with everybody partly because I hated the idea of anyone not liking me. It felt like every good quality I had traced back to a negative emotion, and I felt like a fraud, because it wasn't real goodness if it came from something ugly. I was afraid of becoming happy, in a way, because it would cause me to become complacent and slip up. Even now, I suffer from anxiety attacks a lot and worry about people in my care (I work in social care); the latter may be good, but at what cost? In order for me to be a 'good' person, am I just destined to be stressed out forever?

@DeeAreDee

4 ай бұрын

Have you made any progress on this front?

@wanderingrandomer

4 ай бұрын

@@DeeAreDee Yes, actually. I am now more comfortable with being myself and have tried to become more assertive and confident. The anxiety is still there, admittedly, but it's diminished from what it was.

The honest truth is that while the people around us made that rope and handed it to us, we've been the ones to hold onto it all this time. When we push away the elephant we disassociate and refuse to learn about why we carried it all this time in the first place. My baby elephant was my weight. After years of trying to go on and off to the gym and hating myself for not being able to enjoy it like everyone said to I just kinda accepted that I would never be any less than fat. As I got older I realized how much I began to explore and appreciate the outdoors after spending all of highschool playing videogames. I lost about 40 lbs as I took myself out to parks and trails rather than playing video games all day but I knew my self esteem was still terrible and I resented myself for not figuring it out sooner. For the last few months I've been going to the gym and being absolutely in love with CrossFit group classes, I can't stand sitting at machines and just repeating a motion but I love the feeling of challenging my body and feeling connected to a sort of community, I've lost another 30 lbs since then and I'm still at 200 but I've learned to love that little fat kid just the same as I love myself now. I have people constantly tell me "oh you'd be progressing so much faster with a diet" and stuff like that but honestly ? I know if I want ice cream I've earned it. I'm more conscious about what I eat but I refuse to withhold my happiness to meet someone else's standard, I'm more motivated than ever and actively look forward to going to grad school

Is there a video where Dr. K goes into detail about how to work better (servitude while being content)

I feel like every kid who grew up with stuff older than them can relate to this.

Omg the baby elephant story was traumatizing 😥

Moderation in all things.

I wish I could cry because I am stuck in Life but I just hope I actually Cry and Let go but I cannot just Let go!

How do you enter this "flow state" where you transcend everything? (Getting into "the zone".) It has happened to me a few times when playing competitive games or when writing the story for my game. Those moments are like magical and other-wordly - how do they get triggered? It's insane and the best feeling in the world.

actually it happened to me aswell xD , i watched so many of your awesome videos and i though that i have maladaptive daydreaming because i was fantasiesing a lot about power and i went to therapy . seems that i have no problem , just less tehnology and maybe a girlfrind :D will do the trick

Amazing

Is this the same as learned helplessness?

I've struggled all my life with wether I'm objectively a useless pos and I should be grateful I'm even employed and allowed to live when by all rights I should have been grinded into dog food to be of any value, or if I have low self esteem. And I've been to therapy quite a few times.

I've been listening to these VODs while playing videogames as a visualizer and because they are clips from larger streams it's sometimes hard to tell when the ending is.. May I suggest using some subtle audio cue as the outro? Also, the intro music is a bit too intense and doesn't fit every topic, but that's probably just me, lol.. :D

why couldn't i have had parents who loved me

Room To Improve 🤗

Ok I understand the costs of ambition now. How do I get some? Sign me up please.

A wise commander once said "Instead of seeing myself as chained down, i see it like I'm chained up!"

@Horde1Blades

2 жыл бұрын

Dragon Prince?

@henrycederblad3157

2 жыл бұрын

@@Horde1Blades Yes

Lol. As soon as he started the baby elephant story, I was like "ayo this sounds like one of our stories. Since it has an elephant, that'd make even more sense" 😂

My takeaway is that baby elephant syndrome is a function of the mind similar to a psychic tool. This tool can be used to bring oneself to 90 percent of their potential at the cost of happiness so to speak. In order to achieve that final 10 percent, one must then let go of that tool and replace it with dhyana, which is to say to let go of ambition and become one with the action or object in a meditative state, in other words to channel your success rather than claim credit for it. I wonder where along the line you can determine when to let go of the baby elephant tool. Maybe that decision comes along intuitively.

My god, I hope everyone watched until the end. That last 25% of this video is genius.

@Woodman-Spare-that-tree

10 ай бұрын

The first 3 minutes are very upsetting.

I want him to talk about yogic perspective as well in his video the only reason (i think) his videos works for people is the meditations and the yogic perspective he gives there are many youtubers who will teach you how to be motivated but none seems to be working for me people in this community say that it's not scientific but Dr. K. Never claimed that it is but still he can make another channel where he talks yogic stuff too (uncensored Dr. K.💀)

but about the boss seeing the employee worried and then they themselve not worried kinda happened to me like my boss told me about it a while ago

Elephant is actually very intelligent as well. If elephant broke out of the chain they fear that the human caretaker might not give it food and shelter anymore. The moment human caretaker died or go away or they want to mate or get scared they will break out of the chain right away lol

I just recently started watching Dr. K though I am not a gamer nor am I interested in gaming addiction. I was wondering if there are any other female audience lol as a 22 yr old girl I feel lonely in the comment section💀

Nice just published

I think in common language the word 'syndrome' simply has a different meaning. It's tacked on to another word or words to imply that it's a self-contained descriptor with a specific outcome, rather than being a medical term that describes a cluster of symptoms. It also implies that actually this is non-medical, but coloquial, in my view. Though I can see not everyone having that take away.

not a fan of the dramatic music in the preview. I think what he's saying is compelling enough and you don't need to add "exciting" music in the background, it's just distracting

So if my belief that I'm inadequate is my petroleum, unpegging my belief would empty my gas tank. But then how can I refill my tank with green energy? What are other healthier sources of energy/motivation? Recently, I've been redefining my source of motivation away from inadequacy/lack of status and instead basing my motivation on my beliefs about the world/principles of justice. It gives me purpose to act as a change agent, but I find that this energy source is harder to sustain unless I am constantly reading or watching or listening to inspiring art about those injustices lol

20:45 so accurate 😂

So what do we do if B.E. syndrome doesn't drive me forward, but does the opposite and develops into an inferiority complex where it drives me to depression?

@cthulhumcswagger8659

2 жыл бұрын

I’m wondering the same thing

I know you can’t get monetized, but I miss the twitch chat being included in hg KZread videos

Dr. K! I would like you to check out Eastern Orthodoxy! It is historically proven that Jesus did resurrect (read the book called "More Than a Carpenter") and this church has a lot of spiritual aspects that you would find very interesting involving humility, restoration of relationship with God and more!!

Did Dr k just post at 9 am instead of 12 like usual?!

Veritasium had a video about this

ALSO GUT HEALTH IS SO IMPORTANT! I WAS DEPRESSED/STRESSED BC I HAD PARASITES

Am I the only one that saw the chains in the thumbnail and read *HOOH* in big red text instead?