Total strangers will treat me better than my narcissist family

@bridgetdrummond1721

7 ай бұрын

I know the feeling. I have always felt that way.

@jgbreur

7 ай бұрын

I always say its like I had friends at school and people liked me. My bullies were at home.

@bridgetdrummond1721

7 ай бұрын

When I got to the real world as a traditional college student at age 18, I felt a sense of freedom that was very uplifting. I was also amazed at how easy it was to get along with people outside of my immediate family and how nice most people were. It was such a relief being able to get up in the morning and walk around the campus without being criticized every time I turned around. I was happy to come home when I did for holidays and occasional weekends, but also very relieved that I didn't have to live that stifling and controlled life with my parents and immediate family.

@TheBlackCat1337

7 ай бұрын

I found the closest to what my parents did to me as a infant and young child is the exact same as this gang that torture me during the covid lockdowns. They both were saying and doing the same patterns. Gaslighting a 1 year old is F'ed up while feeding them sour rotten food and keeping them isolated in a dark room while only giving me 1 hour a day for sleep.. The one thing that is different is the gang gave me more attention than my parents and their neglect.

@daodejing81

6 ай бұрын

Absolutely

Be prepared to never hear from any of them again when you stand up for yourself and have boundaries. Better off finding a new family.

@Tilly732

Жыл бұрын

As soon as I started setting boundaries, my family pushed backed (parents and siblings). They were mad that I didn’t allow myself to be their trashcan anymore.

@e_i_e_i_bro

Жыл бұрын

There's relatives, and there's family

@snoozebutton23

Жыл бұрын

Yep. Mil did the same to us when we told her to bankrupt someone else we aren't a place to freeload and get a job. Not heard from her in 2 years. 😁

@1timbarrett

Жыл бұрын

I like to say, “It’s so liberating...”

@OffTheWagons

Жыл бұрын

This is kinda true, though I sort of reconnected with a cousin recently, he has a strong moral backbone so he won't be taken so easily

The kindest people I have ever known were not members of my family.

@1timbarrett

Жыл бұрын

The kindest people i have ever known were... dogs!😅

@daisylass1712

Жыл бұрын

@dani cali thanks. I am okay.

@Medietos

Жыл бұрын

They might be abusive to their closest family members. And my abusive family members are very nice and do good to others. Ppl seem to believe that ppl are the one or the other, where we are both.

@princessmarlena1359

Жыл бұрын

Families suck.

@alisha55555

Жыл бұрын

This is where a lot of the cognitive dissonance comes in for me - people outside of my family have treated me way better, men outside of my family have shown me that good, nurturing, emotionally supportive fathers do exist etc

I think people who become the scapegoat are the ones that are perceived as a threat. Either because we think more critically, perceive patterns more clearly, etc. That's very threatening to a narcissist or psychopath, and they pick up on it quickly.

@1timbarrett

Жыл бұрын

It has taken me decades to twig that my poor parents and older siblings were probably intimidated by me.

@clairobics

Жыл бұрын

yes, because they cannot stand the authenticity - they are running in the opposite direction to their pain and refusing to work through it, thats exactly why hey need a scapegoat

@rsb67

Жыл бұрын

Yes scapegoats are those who are different, yes often truth-tellers by choice or chance, thus can be easy targets of everyone around who need someone else to blame their woes on. My dilemma is not so much within my family as within larger community. Because I’m different, i do attract notice because lm kind, energetic, not a gossip, prefer talking about big issues, love learning, an easy target for others who need to be entertained …. I’ve gotten much better at excusing myself from people who haven’t a strong moral center but in thus day & age, its difficult to find good people as society descends into another kind of dark ages. But i refuse to lower my standards. Luckily my parents were wonderful patents who prepared my ADHD self for success in many ways! But damn community these days post-COVID snd post-my own grief over too much loss in short period of time community is scarce with the descent of fear over the world. Its terrible in the world tiday.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

Жыл бұрын

My mother was afraid of me the day I was born. I never cried or fussed and my eyes were wide open in the delivery room. Many of her narcissistic illusions got put to rest in this lifetime.

@sharonjones7138

Жыл бұрын

Mostly, cause we want the truth. Even as a little kid, we have instinct to know truth from lie, and “out of the mouth of babes”, we may blurt something out that embarrasses the narcissist. If that happens repeatedly, that narcissist has that kid (me), in her (my mother) in her crosshairs. 💔💔. And I was in her mind, the enemy until I moved out at 19, and went no contact 🥳🥳.

The benefit is if everyone is focused on your flaws, nobody talks about the abusers flaws. I once told my mother to stop talking about my life and talk about her own.

@elizabethbowie9753

8 ай бұрын

Oh my Gosh!! How True. This isn't my dilema. This is what my friend is going through, but she doesn't realize it. Me & another friend look out for her, but I even have to share This news to Her,(2nd friend), so she can look out for our friend better. We're not enablers, we're Encouragers !!!

@BAsed_AFro

8 ай бұрын

That's the entire reason they designate a "scapegoat".

@arsenelupiniii8040

7 ай бұрын

Narcy has a hard time staying in their own lane for sure.

@winning3329

7 ай бұрын

Narcissist parents have to label the scapegoat as crazy in case incase the scapegoat talks about the abuse and then the parents can say, don't listen to them because they are crazy

@jennyanderson4796

6 ай бұрын

❤

The scapegoat shines light on their darkness. So the scapegoat is the target.

@MJ-qb5ph

9 ай бұрын

Totally!!!!! And often the truth teller who not only sees their BS but openly challenges it

@MonochromaticBlues

8 ай бұрын

lol i had a scapegoat target me

@DarkCelestialConsciousness

8 ай бұрын

@@MonochromaticBlues yes they do target ppl to rebuke them

@jimmymaracas6442

8 ай бұрын

@@DarkCelestialConsciousnessI’ve certainly started fighting back after years of taking it, can’t just take sucker punches forever without fighting back at some point.

@sandrab2589

2 ай бұрын

This is my favorite comment. The people who refuse to believe the "scapegoat" or even listen with an open mind have DARK SOULS.

They don't want to be accountable, and you weren't supposed to set boundaries... you were supposed to be codependent and keep taking the abuse. The narcs in your family are jealous of you. You are authentic and real and they can't do that. ❤️

@sirrantsalott

Жыл бұрын

My mother literally told me it was a virtue not to tell the truth ‘all the time” meaning some truths are meant to be said and others to be ignored or kept in secret 🙄

@TheJeremyKentBGross

Жыл бұрын

@@sirrantsalott Wow.

@backtothelabradio9867

Жыл бұрын

Exactly 💯

@gailzchannel

Жыл бұрын

Exactly My narc mother actually told me she's jealous of me.

@ginadean499

Жыл бұрын

spot on

For any scapegoat here that may be reading this, stay strong and find your inner calm. When you are imperturbable, your life gets so much easier. You don't need to be super successful either as you cannot put a price on peace of mind. Find your rhythm :)

@wisconsinfarmer4742

Жыл бұрын

That sounds like a good meditation to do right before sleep.

@naemasufi7588

Жыл бұрын

beautiful advice

@CC-ub5xn

9 ай бұрын

thank you

@almakehlerbrown3935

9 ай бұрын

Wow I needed to read this comment TODAY! Thank you 😊

@dalelerette206

9 ай бұрын

Dereliction is when they fail to reciprocate kindness with you and instead blame you for something you didn't do. The definition of dereliction is the shameful failure to fulfill one's obligations. And they are guilty of dereliction.

This doesn't just happen in families. I refused to participate in bullying with a group of my work colleagues, so now I'm being bullied by them, having lies spread about me etc... It sucks being a scapegoat for others shitty behaviour 😐

@pmw3839

Жыл бұрын

So sorry to hear that. A very familiar scenario. I don’t know the answer to it, but you are not alone.

@sleepmutterer9746

Жыл бұрын

@@pmw3839 that's comforting to know - thank you 🙏

@starrycrown

Жыл бұрын

I relate so much to this comment! I have had this dynamic play out at work, and it is hard to overlook the social ostracism and still enjoy the job, even if you love the job.

@sleepmutterer9746

Жыл бұрын

@@starrycrown I agree - love the job, but sometimes the urge to walk can be overwhelming! It's nice to hear I'm not alone in this scenario 🙏

@sohara....

Жыл бұрын

*"... the scapegoat can do no right..."* It's a character definition. Once we are clear about the character role we are playing, (a) we can move away from the people enacting the other parts in the scapegoat drama, (b) we can continue to be loyal to that self definition and have other experiences over time that mirror that self-definition, *or* (c) we can form ourselves a new character, free of the past. Here is where people like Joe Dispenza are very useful to free us from the past.

I was raised by wolves (metaphorically). My parents were lackadaisical, hateful and didn't keep much of an eye on me as a kid. I got out, I'm an Escapegoat. Get away from the toxic family and never look back.

@raydziesinski7165

Жыл бұрын

Wonderful turn of phrase, “escape-goat”. The very nature of the thought is a ‘yes you can’ attitude which counters the ingrained messages laden on the person assigned the trash bucket role.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

Жыл бұрын

Good coinage of the term.

@DevonExplorer

Жыл бұрын

That's a brilliant term! May we all be escapegoats and find better fields to gambol and be free in, lol. Love it. :)

@damaris7687

10 ай бұрын

Escapegoat. I love it 💯

@michelleturner4507

9 ай бұрын

Oh that made my day! My new label, Escapegoat. Thank you.

Being gaslighted by your family feels like living in the twilight zone. it's almost impossible to get it thorough your own head that this is really happening and you're not the bad guy.

@FreshGrey-pm4vw

5 ай бұрын

Isnt it strange??? I say that to myself often - how can they do this to their own people? Cruelty and domination occur everywhere and some of us got saddled with those types of family members. Most of my family line on my mothers side are loud, bossy, caustic, verbally abusive women. They had a reputation for yelling and what I refer to as "shrieking" to each other and anybody who disagreed with them. That sound of screaming, argumentative women is such a terrible trigger for me. No wonder men couldnt get away fast enough.

@truescotsman4103

5 ай бұрын

@@FreshGrey-pm4vw it's toxicity in general. I had an epiphany about a perfect place where no toxic people exist. And then I realized it would be so easy we just handle our business and have respect and dignity. I can imagine that place because it's where I want to be and how I want to behave. That place can't exist if not for the rest of these people who are all toxic

@lovelyscorp79

5 ай бұрын

Yes!!!!!! it took decades to learn being forced to live(sharing the same wall) with the family member who SAd me was horribly traumatic and one of the many causes of my depression. Imagine being caught in the act and everyone furious at you. Only years later to be forced to act as if im in one big happy family. Because it disrupted their lives. Their picture of their family. So much pain in one lifetime as an empathic just isn't fair. The healing process is slow going but going on 4 years no contact. I'm no victim.

@FreshGrey-pm4vw

5 ай бұрын

@@lovelyscorp79 Good for you- so sorry for the pain you went through. Your self care matters so much and efforts to feel validated. We have to go through a kind of deprogramming process. Its worth it.

@lovelyscorp79

5 ай бұрын

@@FreshGrey-pm4vw I'll look more into that thank you!!!!! For freedom I give thanks everyday.

I was/am the family scapegoat. In my 20's (before I realized it), I married an emotionally abusive guy, typical cycle of abuse. After a couple of years, I knew the guy was out of control (just like my biological family) and I felt he would get worse and kill his significant other. After much drama, I divorced him. My biological family sided with him as they chose not to believe me. My feelings didn't matter. 20 years later, I found out he's in prison for murdering his ex-girlfriend. It occurred to me, my biological family wanted SO BADLY to make ME the bad guy, that they made a murderer, a "good guy". Wow.

@w8what575

Жыл бұрын

Ur comment sounds so familiar except my ex that they still love so much…he didn’t murder anyone but was arrested and convicted of 49 felony burglaries the first round and 14 more the second round…and somehow my family believes I was involved…my brother and sister even planted evidence in my storage and turned it in to the cops to try getting me arrested and not my ex…wtf.

@Julia-en1ok

Жыл бұрын

@@w8what575 OMG! THat's even worse than my biological family! Do you have the option of moving FAR away from them and never looking back? Your family sounds downright dangerous.

@lunahora5512

Жыл бұрын

@@Julia-en1ok exactly.. i did it.. i moved to another country.

@Julia-en1ok

Жыл бұрын

@@lunahora5512 Nice! Congratulations! Chances are biological family will never realize their wrongs, it will always be "We have no idea why she moved, we have no idea what got into her....." They have to stay in denial in order to not take responsibility for their behavior.

@lunahora5512

Жыл бұрын

Yes.. they will never dear. I moved 6 years ago from Portugal to the UK and I rarely get a call from them.. its almost Christmas day and the only person that called me from my family was my mum, as always. But thanks dear. It was still the best decision I could have done

Getting rid of toxic people leaves room for healthy people to come into your life.

@arsenelupiniii8040

7 ай бұрын

Or just go it alone, internal validation provides for a way better life.

@aaronwalderslade

5 ай бұрын

I like that. There is a finite amount of time and space in one's life. The older I get, the less I realise there is left, and if the room is full of toxic people, even when you're related to them, there's nothing to stop you opening the door and stepping into another room.

@Muddy-water

4 ай бұрын

Not necessarily. You have to work on the part of you that tolerated the situation and behavior

@mvbigmagic4048

3 ай бұрын

Absolutely. The world is big. There are many good people.... and once you leave the bad people (narcissists, because everything they do breaks the ten commandments), good people are not afraid to enter your life. So many good people in my life, since I left my job full of toxic selfish people who deflected blame for everything. No accountability. It was the same with my family -- since going no-contact after my father died, I've been able to reconnect again with the friends who share my goals and values, and who work to create things instead of tear people down. Good people are the balm for a scapegoat's life.

@user-wl1ie8kx7b

2 ай бұрын

Where are those people?

Went from being the scapegoat to the black sheep. Now I’m the outcast. I’m ok with that.

@kristen9827

9 ай бұрын

I’m at the point that I’m grateful to be the outcast- leave me be! 🫶🏻

@kdr129

9 ай бұрын

Based

@doricetimko5403

9 ай бұрын

We’re a tribe of our own; far-flung yet united on standing for our truth.❤

@maevemaiden

8 ай бұрын

Same here been that way all my life. 💖

@malkaz9167

8 ай бұрын

The pathetic people who are cruel to others are so miserable inside that they have a need to make others unhappy. I pity those unhappy people who are mean to others. No luck will come their way.

Dysfunctional families need a scapegoat, so they can project all their guilt and shame onto the scapegoat. It makes them feel better about themselves.

I got away from all of them. I moved across the country and struggled financially just to raise my kids away from these people . And thank God I did .

@Mourning_Dove

Жыл бұрын

Hurray! It is so worth it 🙂

@deborahcurtis1385

Жыл бұрын

Hatred of me unites them. They do the love bombing and then attack. After watching the earlier video on this I cut all contact. They never forgave me for cutting contact before and now I'm doing it again. They all lie, bully, abuse, and backstab. HOW can anyone function normally with them, with that going on?

@mulliganstew72

Жыл бұрын

Same here and I just moved back lol… That’s OK. I do want to be there for my mom’s old or years, but I’m going to have to learn how to keep the separation even though I am close.

@rs5570

Жыл бұрын

Well done! Love for you from me. ♥️

@rs5570

Жыл бұрын

♥️🙏🏻

I think the reason the scapegoat is never believed is because the dynamic is to always put that person down...it's comforting for all victimizing parties...they can feel superior in themselves, and amongst each other. It's like a giant nose all eyes can look down...together...and look away from their own messiness. Once you take yourself out of the dynamic, they all start falling apart individually...and attacking each other...because the favorite and mutual punching bag is gone. Now they have to depend on their own functionality...rather than mutually sponging off of someone else's. The scapegoat is always the most functional person in the group...and once you can get away, you really can come to know this.

@hannahk.summerville5908

Жыл бұрын

Yessss! My family kicked me out back then and a few years later my younger brother actually verbalized: "They always said it was Hannah but once she was gone they were even more mental so that can't be true!" And I was like FINALLY!!! someone comes back to reality. Hallelujah.

@jennifervierstraete7987

Жыл бұрын

I am the scapegoat. New people actually say terrible things to my face when they would come to my family gatherings because they were given the impression that bullying me was the way in. I cannot count anymore how many people associated with my family have randomly approached me in public and not even a hello..an immediate accusation that I am mean or uncaring... its assault actually. And because it makes me sad I am then accused of being mentally ill. Who wouldn't be hurt by this. Its been ongoing for decades.. I never realized others have had similar experiences.

@stroudkelly6868

Жыл бұрын

@@jennifervierstraete7987 you are not alone 😊 I talk a little bit each day in upbuilding conversations with people I meet throughout the day and it picks me up. You need to slowly make yourself a new emotional support system. I make freinds with people who don't know each other that way no one can gang up on me and it's easier to fade someone out of your life.

@moirabij734

Жыл бұрын

Yes, absolutely. I have learnt this and I know I am the only one who speaks and lives in truth.

@Datb2

Жыл бұрын

@@stroudkelly6868 this is smart

My family just tells people "oh, don't listen to him, he's crazy" when I speak the truth, or anything else at all.

@annthomson5648

8 күн бұрын

Same here

Now the uncle that got away makes alot of sense😔

@1timbarrett

Жыл бұрын

Unfortunately, my chronically belittled uncle - the best of them all, IMHO- died years ago, at age 67, overweight, alcoholic and depressed.😢

@lindagithaiga1974

Жыл бұрын

@@1timbarrett oh hell naw 😭

@SisterWatchmanBrooke

Жыл бұрын

WOW --- I just thought of mine, *right before I read this.

@eunicedetoiles9901

Жыл бұрын

same for me!

@briand3420

Жыл бұрын

I have an aunt that got away and it makes so much sense now. I was told she was weird and crazy. Now I’m the weird and crazy one.

As a scapegoat I feel like I carry a very heavy guilt for nothing. I don't know how to be free of it.

@Datb2

Жыл бұрын

same its exhausting

@dnk4559

Жыл бұрын

I’m working on letting that go. This is generational trauma in the form of toxic shame and it’s not my job to carry it. I’m done carrying the weight of other people’s pain.

@tessthemermaid7742

Жыл бұрын

@@dnk4559 I'm seeing a therapist but it's slow going.

@dnk4559

Жыл бұрын

@@tessthemermaid7742 gosh, I feel the same way. I’ve been doing EMDR and she understands family systems and trauma so that has been very helpful. I am trying to be patient. It’s taken me over fifty years to understand what was going on so I’m trying to see the time and money I’ve spent in therapy in journaling etc as necessities to overcome fifty years of maladaptive ways of thinking that somehow if I tried hard enough and explained myself well enough my family would finally see the light and want to get well and we could all have a good life together. Ugh, I was so naive.

@MJ-qb5ph

9 ай бұрын

Their intent is for you to experience this. Be gentle with yourself

It makes sense that they would attack the talented one if they feel unhappy with themselves and their lives.

@nancybartley4610

Жыл бұрын

You don't even have to be talented. You might just follow rules, behave in school, get good grades, get into a good university, have a profession, marry someone who is kind. I think my family really reacted when I married a really decent, hardworking, down to earth guy. It was obvious he loved and respected me and that our marriage would last. That just didn't fit the loser image they wanted me to have.

@DarkCelestialConsciousness

8 ай бұрын

@@nancybartley4610 wow this is sooo accurate 💖

@arsenelupiniii8040

7 ай бұрын

Jealousy is at the core of NPD.

@user56gghtf

4 күн бұрын

Very true but as children we didn't understand that or even if we kind of did understand our level of understanding wasn't as in depth as it is now

Thanks for the emphaty. To the fellow scapegoats, i hope you'll have an amazing day today, even if a lonely one.

@taffylove6193

Жыл бұрын

A Peaceful One!!

@r4nd0mguuy38

Жыл бұрын

@@taffylove6193 Yes! Absolutely. That more than anything else! We deserve it!

@waynemcleod6767

Жыл бұрын

There's being alone and there's being lonely. Imho scapegoats are best positioned in learning how to avoid the one and embrace the other.

@MAMlife

Жыл бұрын

Bless your heart ❤️

@kingbee9778

Жыл бұрын

Solitude with peace is awesome! Put your energy into yourself and your interests. Give the abusers no more.

After some yrs of distancing myself from the angry mob of a family I was abused by, I re-entered the family for about a yr. What I saw was very disturbing. My mother who always had scapegoated me, came against me twice as hard because she recognized I had grown and become stronger emotionally. I literally watched her orchestrated attacks again and again and realized she is imprisoned in this cycle of abuse. What a very sad life she has lived. I definitely felt empowered being able to set boundaries and walk away, again. Some people are truly mentally unstable and we must take control over what we allow others to do. *For me, the bottom line was facing that I was an orphan and had to find the strength to walk away from the only family I ever knew. Yes its lonely at times but not nearly as horrible as being gas lighted, betrayed, rejected, hated and criticized by my mother and siblings. I feel free despite that it took until age 63 to completely walk away!

@FreshGrey-pm4vw

Жыл бұрын

@jim ster yes its a deep wound when our own blood rejects us....but there are only 2 choices. stay in the abuse or set yourself free. all the best to you.

@byronkerby6897

10 ай бұрын

@@jimster-lb6we I can so relate to your comment. With me, there is always the temptation to try again, but I know the hurt it would cause me. When they pass away, the grief will be over what could have been and never was. I recently heard a Jordan Peterson podcast about lessening rumination by looking into hobbies that we can immerse ourselves into, so I'm looking into table tennis, ballroom dancing, and chess.

@muslimwarrior9891

9 ай бұрын

Wow I wonder how good that feels , MashaAllah , I hope I find the same peace you’ve found 🫶🏻✨

@FreshGrey-pm4vw

9 ай бұрын

@@muslimwarrior9891 I hope so too!

@joananthony6323

8 ай бұрын

Yes reconnecting with my golden child sister was not a good move It lasted a few years and took me a while to realise that it was affecting my mental health She corrected every thing I said I started saying 'thank you for that correction' every time she did it and when I'd said it about 20 times in an hour she got the message It lasted for about 2 years before she reverted Then it was worse than before

I was the scapegoat for being different: smart, organized, insightful and hard working. I left home at 18 y.o. and they envy and hate me even more that I was successful in college/graduate school and successful at work . They so wanted me to return home depressed and broken.

@Rumination_Vertex

3 ай бұрын

Same here, my family hated me for being a critical thinker and calling them out on their behavior. They would call me up tight for having my room clean and being organized or having a good memory which they hated. My mom is a nut job psychologist (with no boundaries on privacy ironically) and thought something was wrong with me cause I wasn't messy and chaotic like her and my siblings. They made fun of me for cleaning my room or tucking my shirt in or dressing up for formal events like the rest of my cousins and extended family who I really respected and treated me with respect unlike my immediate family. I think they also hated that the rest of the extended family really loved me and always asked about me and growing up they came to my sports events, musical performances and gave me support when my mother didn't want me even playing sports and tried to emasculate my brother and I. My extended family are conservative and my mom is a so called liberal but now she hates them and calls them white supremacists and doesn't want to talk to them. My mom is white, my dad a black Latino and I never heard ANY of my extended family (other than my grandfather) say anything racist towards me or my ethnicity. It's really sad cause they are really good people but I can't communicate with them or I'll be intwined with my immediate family again. I'm also the one that moved the furthest away from home and never came home for Thanks Giving or Christmas haha! Sorry for the rant.

@carolinekamya2339

2 ай бұрын

they love that - deleting self is the best outcome for them, you disappear and they get supply of being parent who lost their bad child -

@autobotdiva9268

2 ай бұрын

Always. College they frown

@jimparsons4312

13 күн бұрын

My mom said, “boy you think you’re hot shit don’t you?” When I got accepted to college/ she tried to talk me about of going.

I was the golden child but became the scapegoat when I challenged the gaslighting covert narc mother. Father was enabler and gaslit too. Reached out to sibs who just ignored me due to indifference. I've left them all in my wake with no regrets. I refuse to have relationships with toxic people, now I keep myself safe.

@sirrantsalott

Жыл бұрын

This is my story too. I was the golden child now turned scapegoat and black sheep. Same, I called out my covert narcissist mom for stealing millions from my recently deceased father. That was the last straw that broke my back. Never looked back.

@sirrantsalott

Жыл бұрын

And get this, my siblings did NOT want to do a thing about it despite WE are all rightful heirs. They have her under her spell and she has them believing there is no will. Excuse me? Millions and no will? My father was a professionally successful man and ran a legal and accounting firm. 🤯

@Theowlhawk

Жыл бұрын

Takes courage x

@iamjheani

9 ай бұрын

Same.

@MJ-qb5ph

9 ай бұрын

Me too. Two years no contact (finally)

a counseller asked me how i managed to break the cycle,my reply was this,it wasnt hard,i just did the complete opposite of my mother ,i would never want my child to feel the same way i did

"Not everybody will treat you as cruelly as your parents and your siblings did." That hit home - for a long time I always wanted to return to my family, not realizing consciously that they were the least welcoming people in my world. Now I'm in an excellent healing program, I've keep no contact with most of the family.

@ACEDIAMOND666

9 ай бұрын

Same here. Fuck 'em!

@lisastillion2937

7 ай бұрын

Perfectly said. It takes a great dwal of work to overcome their incessant screaming, cussing, hitting, burning of possessions but it can be done. But you must always keep that fence up because they dont give up even for 1 second to attempt to hurt you. Living well and w/out their influence is the best revenge there is.

@mattyo2291

7 ай бұрын

People WILL treat you badly. Human beings like to kick others when they are down. Fact.

It always astounds me how many of us there are. Wishing my fellows resilience and a healthier and better life without the toxic family xo

@doricetimko5403

9 ай бұрын

Wishing the same for you with extra blessings

@ericaelaine

6 ай бұрын

I'm starting to believe there are just two kinds of people in this world.

It’s hard for people to hold more than one image of people in their minds at one time. For example, it’s hard for people to believe that a banker who helps in his community and church can also be a child molester behind closed doors. And…some of the abuser’s supporters are just exactly like him.

@scapegoatchildrecovery

9 ай бұрын

Such a good point Kelly. SO many people lack basic critical thinking skills

@ravenel2

8 ай бұрын

Absolutely. It’s so easy for a man in a position of authority with a pleasant outward appearance and a likeable face to be downright evil, because everyone projects their own love, light, and ethics onto him. If he momentarily does something odd or sketchy, most people will give him every benefit of the doubt and make excuses rather than paying very careful attention to what just happened.

@AnthonyManzio

8 ай бұрын

@@scapegoatchildrecovery I've been mobbed and gaslighting at work for over 12 years till present. Full of NPD cowards at work and will end up exposing themselves.. I'm a top worker, jealous of me big time and of my money and condo too. Defamation of character. Saying I'm a stalker, I drink, I'm crazy. All bs. Managers are scared of the bullies, they do nothing, union, police are all totally useless too. Toxic workplace in healthcare. Been working 38 years and never been suspended. Action speaks louder than words. But this crap never ends trying to scare the women at work, all the insecure and toxic women. I will never quit due to these lazy bums with no life. These 2 guys should be locked up and have the manager fired.

This is so true, I was the scapegoat and still am. People dismiss me, ignore me and even mock me no matter what I say and do. They love to show contempt in some way or another every time we are together. They suck all the joy out of the room as soon as they walk in, so I avoid them as much as possible.

@ccalexander1924

11 ай бұрын

Same ! That’s why I been NC for a month now with two family members and I decided I’m Not doing anymore family get togethers with them ever again. No Xmas , no b day celebrations with them , no holiday get togethers at all. I might meet once in a blue moon with them for a restaurant get together then go home straight after. I have no desire to be anywhere near them for anything for a lengthy time. They can find someone else to be their scapegoat. I am putting my house up for sale in august and I am moving hours away if not another state. Then I won’t have to worry about them showing up at my door. Weird thing tho .. I moved away for 5 years. Came back and nothing changed. They don’t change. You have to

@DarkCelestialConsciousness

8 ай бұрын

Same

@gwendolynwehage6336

8 ай бұрын

@@ccalexander1924 I have pretty much made a rule that "IF" I see any of them again it will be on my turf one on one, no others around. They seem to feed off one another. They are far less likely to pull their nonsense when it is only them alone. They need others to validate what they do, they are the weakest people ever.

@debrajorgensen2730

8 ай бұрын

They suck all the joy out of the room - Yes, I said something very similar recently - They suck all the air out of the room………I felt suffocated, likeI couldn’t breath 😧

@DarkCelestialConsciousness

8 ай бұрын

@@debrajorgensen2730 ppl can say the same for a broken empath scapegoat

"Not everyone in the world will treat you as hurtfully or as cruelly as your parents did." I've yet to see that bear out. Since I've created healthy boundaries for myself I've found many people to be outright hostile. Our cultural values are themselves toxic, people are incentivized to be toxic, and this is evidenced by perceived increases in the rates of mental illness (including empathy disorders) over time. I honestly just prefer to be alone now.

@AaronHendu

9 ай бұрын

Same...isolation is awesome and the only peaceful era of my nearly 40 years alive. People suck...objectively.

@scarletangel1997

9 ай бұрын

Cats are kinder than people.

@mrnice7570

8 ай бұрын

Dogs are kindest of all

@lilyw.719

8 ай бұрын

​​@@mrnice7570 Not if you have a Siamese cat. They're puppy-cats. Or Burmese. Only they're better than a dog, because you don't have to take them outside to go to the bathroom and walk them, unless you want to. I have my Siamese cat leash and harness trained, so we romp outside.

@mrnice7570

8 ай бұрын

@@lilyw.719 awesome 😎 but no cat can outdog a dog lol

I know in my case why i was the scapegoat. My mother set me up from birth. She could hide her failed relationships from everyone because Tiffany was bad. I was labeled a liar as soon as I could talk. It worked but she lost me. She still does it. I finally realized one day that I can't be blamed for being there and not being there. If your life is still bad when I'm gone, then you just make poor decisions.

My brother told me I was "pushing a narrative" about the abuse that I endured up until no contact. When I told him that I am staying to myself from now on, he told me "well now your just being a bully"

@mvbigmagic4048

3 ай бұрын

Wow..... now that's some cognitive dissonance.... being a bully by leaving them alone to face their own consequences and shortcomings..... *HUGS* Glad you got out of that cesspool. For me, every day away from my abusers improves my life, slowly but surely. I hope life is better for you now, also.

@brie1987

3 ай бұрын

You cannot win and it is designed like that. If you cannot play the game like the others, you are punished and they make sure to show you how much more they are getting and their supposed superiority. Always one down or nothing. Proving you can live without them may help, but its for you/us. By then going back is so empty. Finally being done and accepting the loss but never again letting it happen in our current lives. Ever

They not just make you believe you'll never find acceptence out there, they make it sure and do everything to bring you down.

@aaliyahscott9523

Жыл бұрын

So true

@nancybartley4610

Жыл бұрын

That is an interesting point about not find acceptance out in the world. It is true. My family invested a lot of energy in making me believe something was wrong with me. I bought it hook. line and sinker!

@skathwoelya2935

9 ай бұрын

Even to the point of setting you up in the first place!

@rockstarofredondo

7 ай бұрын

Yep. Just think about how bizarre of a person one must be to do that to others. Just the absolute level of mental weirdness these toxic people are imprisoned in.

@brie1987

3 ай бұрын

And then when you get into a situation that sabotages and lets that lie play out, you feel they were right. But it’s the only way to be someone to somebody but a self destructive way. Grieving it all is hard and seems like you wont survive. Some of us don’t survive this and take our own lives.

It seems like a lot of people are looking for punching bags anymore. Family, friends, random karens in public, whatever. Something went wrong with society somewhere. That certainly doesn't help the healing process.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

Жыл бұрын

it has always been like this, even worse.

@mac0219

Жыл бұрын

I agree - but I also think it’s necessary. It’s always been this way, but a lot more people were blind to it before - now we see. It’s too loud to ignore for a lot of us. Awareness is the only way to reach true healing.

@nancybartley4610

Жыл бұрын

Ever stop to think that some of these "Karens" people are so ready to point fingers at may simply be scapegoats?

@cassiebennet4262

10 ай бұрын

This is the most difficult part for me. Even if I escape all the family dysfunctions there is still a thousand more evil people waiting in the wings to destroy me. I can't take it anymore.

@karlewen2112

10 ай бұрын

@@mac0219 How is having a human punch bag necessary?

That's why I went no-contact with not only close family, but all relatives and anyone else they are even potentially in contact with. Watertight. That way there is no reason to worry about what anyone believes.

@rs5570

Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for your comment. I hope you might see mine. I did the same. It had to be WATER TIGHT! Yes. Off with every single human being who knew them. Water tight. That was how extreme I had to do this to get rid of them. I am changing my NAME right now to ensure they cannot ever approach me in any way. I even ask God to keep them away from me in the next life, if there is one. It’s too much. Love to you ♥️

@HansenFT

Жыл бұрын

@@rs5570 thanks! I did see it now. Honestly it made my life a little worse for 1-2 years. Nailed it down to moat likely guilt (especially regarding my mother. Might be biologically hard wired in some of us) But I'm better of in the long run. And I've had a new spring so to speak, on/off, since last may. No I finally seem over the hill. Good luck & lasting peace to you! The steeper the climb, the more you enjoy the view from the top!

@HansenFT

Жыл бұрын

@Susel I get that! Me too. I can even (or could), without even notice it, feel guilty towards some of the worse even (and o/c the collateral damage, including two brothers from another mother) Caused me to rage in imaginary discussions to defend myself.. After 1/2 years I nailed it down to a flash of guilt I would feel in the chest, usually when I felt good and asked myself (probably b/c hypervigilanse), could ever thing be cool and peacefull..? I'm over the hill now I think. Meditation and pranayama.. peace and good luck!

@jimparsons4312

9 ай бұрын

Yes… I can see why you just make it absolute. I’m thinking of going no contact with all of them, but there’s one good friend who’s loosely associated with my family and I want to keep her In my life. How do I do that?

@arsenelupiniii8040

7 ай бұрын

Yup, my ex taught me how to let it go, and showed me how to disappear. I would bet she thought I would curl up and die. Nope, quite the opposite and since my blood relatives sided with her smear campaign, they are also dead to me.

...."taking a hit for the team"........YES, it still boggles me that I kept taking hits for over 60 years, only to try one last time and collapse from the grief of reality......it was a TEAM OF JUDASES and I had wasted my life trying to believe they would treat me better. UGH. Thanks for your awesome videos, Mary. Bless You and All who are here to absorb this priceless info.

@zeldafedak9428

Жыл бұрын

@@cjjohnson7095 Oh my, you just made my day with your snort. High Five to you and our Anti-Judas Squad here with Mary, wooooo hooooo!

@teenatattles9002

Жыл бұрын

@@zeldafedak9428 Your original comment really touched my spirit! My "team of Judases" would slyly claim that since they all got on so well, the problem MUST have been me. So liberating to find out just the opposite was true. Thank you

@appodemus2937

Жыл бұрын

Yup, team of Judases is a good one - I call mine a pit of vipers! 😂

@pam164

Жыл бұрын

That is me too, I'm 61 and I think I know now more, minimal contact is the way.

@thereseschab5042

Жыл бұрын

I wasted nearly my entire life also....sorry for us.

My aunts, uncles, cousins etc.. will always see me as the black sheep. I have BPD caused by my parents, but nobody knows that. It is an immediate family secret. 🤫 If people knew how I was treated behind the scenes it would make my parents look bad - especially my dad. He has such a stellar reputation. Everyone thinks he’s just so fantastic. Why would anybody believe the “crazy” child? 🤷🏻‍♀️

@missfreshair

8 ай бұрын

💯 Resonate, understand and empathise. Ah the whispers and judgements against us on the slippery slide of confusion and self doubt. ;Although I was greyrocking, it's been hard coming to terms with my dramatic personality change. Somehow along the way, I became a codependent type resulting in further isolation, poor relationship choices, dangerous living, low self esteem, blame, shame, guilt, immaturity, fear & the list goes on ... We are strong and united in numbers now that many of us are waking up and walking out ❤

@Kate98755

8 ай бұрын

i share this story

@mariapilarme

7 ай бұрын

I do believe you. 😊

@brie1987

5 ай бұрын

@@missfreshairoh, I livd that one. If you have any trauma response based on the trauma caused by your family members touching have to keep secret they use it to discredit you and accuse you of accusing them and making stuff up. They can seem luke the “poor victimized beleaguered parents of their very mentally ill adult child”. Then they get all the sympathy and tell their manipulative story to all. Its damed if you do, damned if you don’t.

@moss534

5 ай бұрын

Wow thats sadly how my family is as well. My dad did a lot of bad things but its been like everyone keeps these blind folds on. They all see him as the hero the most loved and talked about person in the family. When I was a teenager I told a therapist I was having flashbacks of my dad abusing me as a kid. My mother made me stand next to her and watch her as she called everyone in my family to let them know what I had told the therapist. After being treated so badly I became suicidal thinking it was the only way I could escape verious forms of abuse by my mother and several others I tried to kill myself. I met some good people in the support group and went home feeling empowered and beginning to heal. The next time I openly talked to the therapist about the abuse my mother lied and said I was making suicide threats she had me hospitalised to shut me up about the abuse. I had a panic attack while in there listening to my mother make things up about me and the doctors refususing to hear my truth so they drugged me up and most of what I remember of the remaining weeks in there was being slouched over a wheel chair and asked "are you gonna talk about your father again?"

My mother started to slander me to other family members and friends from my early teen years on.. so i didnt stand a chance. I was a rather shy kind and minded my own business. She on the other hand was 'bubbly' (fake), gossiped and was on some sort of superior moral throne. So she kinda enchanted them. She is very good at planting seeds about others in someone's mind, i saw her do it all the time with other people.

@bakedbeans9546

8 ай бұрын

There is no worse betrayal than your own parents (who are supposed to be our ultimate defenders) choose to attack their children rather than protect them. They seem to get a great thrill out of slandering and insulting their kids and their listeners are just as toxic as them for entertaining those type of conversations. I always think it's a huge red flag when a parent starts speaking badly about their own children with no justified reason for doing so.

@philippagrimoire5968

5 ай бұрын

Mines the same and she thought I was jealous because “she’s so gregarious “ 😂 I actually enjoy being quiet and not socialise with people. I prefer non human animals to humans ones. My mother never believed me about that when I stated it but I meant every word and still do

@philippagrimoire5968

5 ай бұрын

@@bakedbeans9546It’s disgusting behaviour. They aren’t parents they’re dementors

I have tears running down my face as I feel the hurt of my scapegoat past, ( I was the 'mad' one). There was such deep hurt which I am only now realising at 76 I hardened myself against feeling. I blocked the hurt to cope. I spent my life trying to figure it all out, seeking counsellor after counsellor while not understanding what the problem was. Eventually after discovering alcohol I took myself to AA at 62 and thats when healing began for me. Oh Mary . Thankyou for these videos. They are hundreds of years overdue.

@scapegoatchildrecovery

Жыл бұрын

Sending you ♥️♥️♥️

@katella

Жыл бұрын

I am 69 and am finally learning to make my life about me. As my family scapegoat I was always scrambling around trying to please and appease those around me. I can't always keep the hurt and shame out of the picture, but at least I finally at least know that I deserve to be safe and happy. In the time we have left we have to give ourselves all the attention and love that we always should have had. Sending you a hug from this rock in the Mediterranean where I seem to have landed.

@sandramcelrea1842

Жыл бұрын

@@katella Thankyou for your kindness from a Rock in the Mediterranean ! I have very happy memories of my time on my own in the Mediterranean. Freedom, peace, and joy. I have learnt to take good care of me and have never been happier. Thanks Again.

@alwaysvictory

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing your story. Very similar to my life’s story. I could never figure out why my life was so miserable as a child. Now it all makes sense.

@veronicamacdonald3599

Жыл бұрын

Wishing you healing and peace! 💗

The benefit for scapegoating is no one has to self reflect.

@freespirit-111

Жыл бұрын

So they deflect. I’ve been with groups where everybody talk to me and not each other, couples and people who were supposedly best friends…

The scapegoat label from my family and awful Catholic school experiences followed me well into adulthood. When I graduated from law school, my parent's friend said to me "Wow, I never thought you'd amount to anything."

@lee48lee68

Жыл бұрын

Even after getting a law degree and surpassing everyone, that was their response? Keep proving them wrong. 🥇

@matilda4406

Жыл бұрын

lol !! Go Tim! Keep looking forward. Choose your friends wisely

@chaimomma9198

Жыл бұрын

So relatable ❤ Gods Blessings to you this Holiday. 🤗

@pinkroses135

Жыл бұрын

People that like to improve themselves seem to be their trashcan. Like a mirror of shame lol

@matilda4406

Жыл бұрын

@@pinkroses135 yeah, because it prompts them to also do the same...... and they can't/won't/resent it/not ready for it/etc.

I'm learning so much from all your videos. I'm facing another lonely Christmas on my own but I would choose been lonely over been around sick toxic people everytime... 😍

@pmw3839

Жыл бұрын

Me too.

@katella

Жыл бұрын

I pretend the "holiday season" doesn't exist. Otherwise, even though I've been alone for many years it can be a bit sad. I make a plan for some creative project. That way, I'm gladly doing it and happy afterwards with the results. That 's my way of dealing with holidays alone. It is now just about me and doing something that is good for me. That's what holidays now mean to me and there is not much time to feel abandoned. Cheers to being safe and productive! 🌻

@mmmmlllljohn

Жыл бұрын

It is not an easy road, Dee, but I wish you much happiness in the future. Spoil yourself this Christmas …. if you read, get some good books to read, make yourself a lovely dinner and watch some good movies or series on Netflix. It takes time but having good friends who actually support you will be your reward. ❤️🇨🇦

@deedurkin9879

Жыл бұрын

@@mmmmlllljohn Thank you for that lovely comment. 😍

@mmmmlllljohn

Жыл бұрын

@@deedurkin9879 ❤️

Traumatic day with Narc mother today which was the culmination of months of her scheming and manipulating to finally dump all the badness on to me. Usual dramas, accusations and then the weeping protestations as I tried to leave. She ruined our family created rifts between siblings has robbed me of any self esteem, primed me for a lifetime of accepting abuse from others and gas lit everyone else in to believing her to be the perfect mother. At 93 she's in robust health. These poisonous soulless entities live forever, only the good die young .....

@juliedilworth4394

6 ай бұрын

I've noticed my narcissistic mother is in perfect health ,at 79.. But myself and all my siblings are very ill and lifelong health conditions ,we are in our .50s She will out live us ,I wonder if there is some type of spiritual vampirism, cannabalism where they feed off their children, literally I believe there is something going on. 😮

@mvbigmagic4048

3 ай бұрын

@@juliedilworth4394 I honestly believe there is some kind of energy transfer. My dad was expected to die within 1-2 weeks of stopping dialysis. But I, as the scapegoat, finally came home to help. While I was there, his labwork improved...... He lived 8 more months, until I had to return home to return to work. :( He died shortly after I left. I honestly believe my narcissistic mother hastened his death. I could feel myself dying too, while I stayed there to help my dying dad.....It took years off my life. I could not stay. After my dad died, I went no-contact permanently. I never even went back for the funeral. My father left a holographic will cutting my mother out completely. I never showed it to anyone. Money cannot buy peace. Freedom from my toxic mother is priceless.

@brie1987

3 ай бұрын

Sounds like my mother. They accuse me of trying to break them up, but I was saying some truth only once and never outside the relationship with the person concerned. I dint smear people. I kept things secret to protect their reputation in the community and the society the run in. Lots of projection by these people. They (she and my father for being a team in this) both taking like 2 ticks snd no dog. ruined any relationship I had with friends, or outside sources of truth, smeared me and made sure they putted my brother against me. Despicable and disgusting but it works for them and they do it because they can.

@kristinstrickland1038

10 күн бұрын

They do! They live forever!

if the leader of the group blames or insults you the others often feel the need to chime in

I was the Golden Child and then the Scapegoat! Fifty years ago, I moved out at 17 years old from a home with 2 NPD parents. Looking back, I dont know how I managed it, but then graduated high school, flew myself 2 thousand miles away, graduated college, then grad school, and then had a private practice in psychotherapy! Ironicall, my parents are in their nineties and my siblings are still recruited... so Im still the scapegoat, conveniently, in their eyes!

@rs5570

Жыл бұрын

What a story. I moved from a little town in Appalachia to London because I needed to be that far away from their reach. I knew they couldn’t touch me or find me there. I was right. It still feels too close.

@Ms.noelp453

Жыл бұрын

👏🏼 well done

@LimitlessThinker

9 ай бұрын

You did very well, against all odds! I left home around 16 and finished school. I went on to attend college & university. I was also in the Navy and did very well. I never got compliments from the family.

Yes, right on point ! The lunatic bunch that I was born into had so much anger against each other from prior decades of dysfunction. As a young child, I used to put myself in the line of fire constantly because I would always be nice. It always became a verbally and / or physically abusive moment as they openly mocked my kindness. It was very confusing for a young child to be called names and assaulted . I walked away 27 years ago and, by God’s grace, my life is amazing now and that’s the BEST revenge. You are very insightful, happy I found your channel ✨

@alwaysvictory

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, I just found this channel today. I like this channel too.

@1timbarrett

Жыл бұрын

I suspect a great way to live our best life is in such a way that our enemies will be jealous. If we were thinking about them, ever.

@rs5570

Жыл бұрын

♥️Love

@rs5570

Жыл бұрын

I think God brought me here.

@rs5570

Жыл бұрын

Very wise! Love ♥️

It's sad, but somewhat reassuring to know that one of the reasons scapegoating is used, is that the family system doesn't want to look at its own pain. Sometimes i question, " why am I having to 'feel' for everyone else and work through so much trauma, etc?" when they're not bothered and now I know!

I remember when my amazingly kind therapist said these words to me...."You matter"....I balled my eyes out with relief.....I'd like to say to any empath that may happen to read this, You Matter.

"They can do no right." Nailed it!

Oh my word this is 100% spot on my entire life experience and story. Not to mention the gaslighting as well that happens. You're not only disbelieved but then told you're crazy, "it never happened", "you're lying" and on and on...the redemption will be with my own kids and family.

@taraarrington2285

Жыл бұрын

❤ I'm trying to rescue my kids from the same abuse that I went through but still having to deal with my abuser makes it very difficult

@JnTmarie

Жыл бұрын

❤

@lynnpayne6262

Жыл бұрын

I hope that your own kids and family redeem you. Mine did not. Still, this does work out for some. If your not lucky and you become the family trashcan yet again, just remember you can start over. It may not be the same life you wish you had but it's as good as you make it. Anything is better than sticking around for abuse.

I realise, only in hindsight that I was the scapegoat in my family and even to some extent to the extended family. I refuse to ‘play this game’ anymore; I restrict my presence to those who want to bully me, even my 2 eldest adult children want to bait and bully me. My family is full of narcs. It is easy to avoid them; I don’t organise any family events anymore as I don’t enjoy it. I spend time with my youngest loving son and his gorgeous girlfriend and only 1 other cousin. The rest of my social group is just a few friends. The narcs are looking a bit bewildered lately 😂

@theyrekrnations8990

Жыл бұрын

Yes , even on to the extended family

@paulettebanks3217

Жыл бұрын

I wish I could have liked this twice!

@Standownevil

Жыл бұрын

💙

I’m so proud of myself. I know I’m not the only person that has been scapegoated. I have been through so much abuse I’m glad I never did anything to harm myself. I’m glad I have my head held high today. I’m progressing in life. It’s sad to think back on my life. My parents and siblings have physically harmed me multiple times. They have tried to kill my confidence. The emotional abuse is the worst part. I’ve been through hell. I just don’t understand.

@debrajorgensen2730

8 ай бұрын

Please start the journey of letting them all go……I have been working on this for a long time and I’m right on the brink of doing just that. It’s an internal letting go that must happen first. Then just stop reaching out. If they contact you, you can have the upper hand and connect in a way that keeps your self safe 🩵🙏🏽

@artflyer8775

8 ай бұрын

I completely understand you.ive been through the same thing😢

@mattyo2291

7 ай бұрын

I get you. Your words really resonate with me. My cat is the only thing that has kept me going. I'm not sure I'd want to be here if anything happened to her.

@SheldonBrown567

6 ай бұрын

It’s like you were speaking for me. Exactly how I feel!

@dennisrobinson8008

5 ай бұрын

and you didn't physically defend yourself?

Very interesting, late in life I realize the breadcrumbing from sisters, so disappointing over and over. We do long for that connection with people we have known the longest....but its an illusion. Thank you.

@rubyrainsong

Жыл бұрын

Breadcrumbing... Is that like when my sister gave me some of her Harry and David pears that had gone bad last Christmas as my gift? 😂 Or when my Grandma gave me her half eaten birthday cake for my birthday? I'm like "wow, this is so generous of you guys!" 😂 My family is so toxic. I'm their 4th scapegoat. The 3 before me have all died.

@orangeziggy348

8 ай бұрын

@@rubyrainsongomg how do you deal with it? I’m just trying to figure all this out for myself.

@brie1987

3 ай бұрын

@@rubyrainsongi did not know there was a term for that! My brother has done that. He sold out to my parents who spoil him and his kids. They got him to go after me because it served him in many ways. I overheard him talking someone that he wasn’t giving it away cheap, to them. The inly time he faked being nice to me was when he was in love and dating my and his 2nd cousin who had been my friend not his growing up and for some time. After college. His rebound from divorce. Then went right back to being nasty to me because of his bitterness about his divorce. He hides behind his new wife now and just gives me crumbs but I need time to tell him how horrible what he did to. Me was and also maligning me to his kids. He also bad mouthed me to my friend/cousin. They kicked me at my lowest point.

I quit trying to get close to my parents when I was eleven. Now I'm older and I'm fed up with the rest of my family,. I'm ready to leave them behind too. Enough is enough! It's true you become emotionally self-sustaining, you learn to take care of yourself. But if you're not careful, you will draw the same kind of people as your family to you. But once you realize this you will allow better quality people into your life.

When you say that the siblings will take the roll of abusing the "scapegoat" when the parents are dead is so true. Thank you for saying that!

My father golden childed brother behind closed doors. He gave me a fraction of that time. I never remember him hugging or ever him telling me he loved me . Dysfunctional family. The scapegoat child can be confused and suffer for years . Thank you .Peter

@sandramcelrea1842

Жыл бұрын

It's a very cruel and callous/jealous system of dysfunction. Your father wasn't worthy of you, Peter.

@mahoganyshanae6116

Жыл бұрын

They don't know how to love or hugged. They never were taught to love or anything so I give that to your kids and your family u have now

I heard that the scapegoat is the truth teller. The honest one & they can’t handle it.

Toxic family relationships is the gift that keeps on giving. It took years before i fully realised that my extended family also avoided me like the plague, except when they wanted something from me.

@dnk4559

Жыл бұрын

You are correct about the “gift that keeps on giving”! I’m an “escaped goat” now!

@davidmchugh-hypnotherapist7213

Жыл бұрын

@@dnk4559 Yes, Mary has done a good job joining all the dots. It took me a long time to understand why I was invisible to my family and extended family. Why were there no photo's of me proudly (not) displayed on the mantle place or no visits by family members when they travelled around places near to me. Still, I am very grateful for a loving sister that has always being there for me and used to stand up for me when I was being abused.

@dnk4559

Жыл бұрын

@@davidmchugh-hypnotherapist7213 I’m so sorry you have also had a similar experience. It’s a hard thing to have to face but it now makes so much sense and really explains so much of what I had experienced with my Narcissistic parent who recently passed.

@davidmchugh-hypnotherapist7213

Жыл бұрын

@@dnk4559 Everyone gets affected in some way or other and can split a family as well. I wish you well in your healing journey.

@dnk4559

Жыл бұрын

@@davidmchugh-hypnotherapist7213 thank you and the same to you!

This is so true. It took me a long time to understand that it wasn’t that they didn’t believe me, it was that they needed me to be the person they looked down on and blamed everything on. I never could understand why I needed to be perfect all the time, and it still wasn’t enough. Everyone else got to make mistakes and have normal human flaws, and they were still viewed as being wonderful. I get it now, they had a lot of shame, and needed to have someone in the family that was beneath them to make themselves feel better. I sometimes have this shuddering fear when I think about what would have happened to me if I hadn’t found a way to escape them. Even moving away and not being involved in their dysfunction didn’t stop them from blaming me for it. I remember after I first moved my grandmother kept telling me how well everyone was doing now that I wasn’t there to stress them out, and then her totally blaming me when the police showed up to break up one of my parent’s fights.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

Жыл бұрын

Maybe they were fighting over who was to blame for driving you away. so it was your fault. " Can't you do anything right?"

@mahoganyshanae6116

Жыл бұрын

@@wisconsinfarmer4742 Yes but they gonna hide that they were fighting over the scapegoats they keep that in secret f

@kaedatiger

9 ай бұрын

It's insane to blame you for something you're not even there for. This is how you know that they know exactly what they are doing and are doing it intentionally.

@kaedatiger

9 ай бұрын

It's insane to blame you for something you're not even there for. This is how you know that they know exactly what they are doing and are doing it intentionally.

@kaedatiger

9 ай бұрын

It's insane to blame you for something you're not even there for. This is how you know that they know exactly what they are doing and are doing it intentionally.

And the dysphunctipnal sociaty does the same usually to the person who grew up as the scapegoat in the familly

I walked away from the last of my Narcissistic family in 2016. I went no contact, and moved 1000 miles away from them. I was 49 when I just couldn't take anymore. We haven't spoken since, and I'm okay with that. I saved their lives more times than I can count, and all I got in return was CONTEMPT. They talk about me like I'm garbage, but when trouble falls on them, I'm the first one they call. I should have broke contact in 1981! I would have been fully justified to do so. But as you say, I'm trying to be the good son. But nothing I did was ever enough. They always demanded more, More MORE!!! I even warned them, "Your behavior is making me hate you." Instead of changing their behavior, they doubled down on it. "What are you gonna do." I told them the truth, "I'll cut you from my life as I would a cancerous tumor." Then I did. Yes, I left them. But they drove me out. They had abandoned me years before. The only time they wanted me around was when there was work to do, or they needed money. Money they NEVER repaid!!! Everyone has a limit. I reached mine. The only way to stop the abuse is to WALK AWAY, GO NO CONTACT, and NEVER LOOK BACK. I am so damaged I'll never trust anyone enough to have any kind of relationship. I've accepted the life of a Recluse. "It's better to be alone than to be in bad company." George Washington

@artflyer8775

8 ай бұрын

I really understand what your saying, I've said those exact words to my mother a number of times and she doubles down and gets harder and more controlling I'm at braking point but I can't leave because mum did everything she could to stop me from getting my car licence and when I got married my husband did the same thing, now I'm going through a divorce and once that is over and find a place it will be no contact. I can't wait

@orangeziggy348

8 ай бұрын

I feel the same. It is hard to try to find someone I can try to trust again.

I was pretty much told I was wrong since birth.. I was wrong for being left handed, wrong for being a tomboy instead of a girly-girl, wrong for not taking sides, wrong for not complying/going along with the gaslighting, etc.. and I married men that repeated the same message, insisting I didn't know what I was talking about when confronting them for compulsively lying, spending, drinking/drugging, manipulating and controlling the narrative within the family that I am this terrible bad person, because I was wrong for divorcing them. Sadly, I finally saw last week that my children (trained to be flying monkeys) just continued the disrespect, verbal, and emotional abuse of the narcs, and firmly believe I am always wrong and/or crazy. I didn't understand narcissism for fifty years and firmly believed that there was something wrong with me because everyone seemed to say there was.... but if it were true, I would NOT be able to have healthy friendships with my gal pals for over 15 years, and relationships with my business clients, (some I have built friendships with) over the last 5 years, since opening our office. I was told I would never be able to be successful on my own in business but I am doing pretty well and things are much easier since I decided to have no contact with the narcs and the monkeys. After all, since I am such a bad person they shouldn't want to be around me.... its for their best interest ya know? LOL

Hi Mary 👋🏾 I’m thankful for the understanding I find on your channel. In my mid forties, 7 months pregnant with 1st child, and getting ready to go no contact with mom & sister…😱 I’ve separated from my father & his side of family & I’ve only realized recently it’s EVERYONE who’s got to go… that it’s a whole family system. Scared is an understatement. None the less, here I go!!! Thank you for the support ❤️✨🙏🏾

@dawnpokemontrainer

Жыл бұрын

Stay brave and strong, Nilaja. You are worth it. Your child is worth it. You can break this cycle and surround yourself by a family of choice, one that is healthy and loving and caring. To your health and success!

@nilaja-itsmylife

Жыл бұрын

@@dawnpokemontrainer hey hey! Thanks a million for the encouragement. People who haven’t been here just can’t relate. Be safe this holiday season ✨❤️

@dawnpokemontrainer

Жыл бұрын

@@nilaja-itsmylife they can't relate. They don't know the terror of leaving the "family" that we have known behind to find our peace. Let the healing continue. You be safe, too. Virtual hugs and moral support!

@lotusmccary9365

Жыл бұрын

I did when pregnant for health of my child

@im3phirebird81

Жыл бұрын

All the best to you! Better to let go of people who are completely unreflected beyond their own benefit and let them waste away in their own emotional dirt.

I love it Mary! I'm proud of you! I played family caretaker (was parentified), but didn't necessarily felt I was the SG as a child. As I got older, I started noticing that I would be SG'd when I started speaking up & calling stuff out. I walked away too & only want healthy connections in my life. I don't have any desire to connect with those dysfunctional people in my family!

@rs5570

Жыл бұрын

Well done. ♥️🙏🏻🙏🏻

@gamingash9789

5 ай бұрын

I was the caretaker too but was the youngest so it's even harder for people to believe especially even when they (whom i helped) denied my role (while Still benefitting from my past sacrifice).

Realizing that I was the scapegoat of the family clears up so many things that I was indecisive about. Thank you so much.

I was the scapegoat. I brought that into my workplace and I could never hold a job because I was always scapegoated. I am thinking that I need to go no contact?? hmm. That is an interesting idea. It is so bad, the scapegoatedness in me that I ALSO became the family scapegoat in my OWN family. Meaning the family I created. So I finally left that one too. And I finally left my narcissist so-called boyfriend earlier this month.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

Жыл бұрын

Trail of tears, but life does keep improving by increments as we learn to honor ourselves.

@Lyrielonwind

Жыл бұрын

In my case; I have to quit the people's pleasing. That's what it gets into trouble. Narcs know when someone is a giver; it shows since we carry the same dynamic that saved our lives but now it turns against us.

My niece and BIL has made my sister the “scapegoat” for their insecurities, distortions, anger, shortcomings, etc. I believe her though. Ive seen them gaslight her all along. I try to help her work through this after the divorce but they keep victimizing her. I will share this video with her. Thanks. ❤

@user56gghtf

4 күн бұрын

I hope you and your sister are doing well

I went to a hypnotherapist when I was 19 he asked me to describe my childhood I painted a glowing reference. Then he asked me rate it out if 10 & came up with 4 the two didn’t match up. I began to consider the mismatch. Such a useful conversation

@rubberbiscuit99

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing this. To me, it shows how deep the cognitive dissonance of the scapegoat can be. I lived with this for decades. ☮️

@DevonExplorer

Жыл бұрын

A similar thing happened to me when I went to see a counsellor. I underplayed it somewhat then was extremely startled when she said 'oh, you poor dear' and to see tears in her eyes. I didn't realise how bad things were because it was just normal to me. I so agree; it's really useful to see when others react to your situation, isn't it. :)

It’s not just family. Out of my entire middle school I was scapegoated, blamed for something I had no knowledge of. They picked me all of them; out of any other person in the school to blame. I want to understand why they thought it would be easy and why it worked.

@saltymermaid439

9 ай бұрын

SAME. And so do I. ❤❤❤

@doricetimko5403

9 ай бұрын

I’ve been scapegoated and bullied by family, schoolmates, and others. I may never be sure why they did it or why they chose me. I can choose to set boundaries and live my best life in any circumstances. I hope you find the peace within

@orangeziggy348

8 ай бұрын

Omg that must have been horrible. 😢😢😢😢

@singingnymph

7 ай бұрын

I'm sorry that happened to you! It can happen at school, work, or anywhere. Just seems to be the most insidious when one is raised in that dynamic & is taught to accept it as normal. Sometimes people do it when they feel threatened or outshined, & want to take you down a peg. Sometimes people do it because they can see you lack boundaries & maybe won't speak up. Regardless of why, you deserve better.

@user56gghtf

4 күн бұрын

I experienced it with family, at school, and when I started working. I didn't see the connections or similarities until later on. It invalidating when someone challenges your integrity and people believe their lies.

Mary, with amazing precision you convey what happens in the toxic family. Yes, the toxic parent projects his/her own past experience, failures, resentment, regrets, and/or those of the golden kid(s) onto the scapegoat(s). Our mother's life was saturated with envy, rage, resentment, regret and revenge. It never ended. All six of us kids, and our father, were subject to being the scapegoat at any given time. There was never any rest. I walked away after 46 years of her abject abuse. So far as I can tell, three of the six of us children became narcissists; they are determined to continue the curse Mom sewed into our lives, but we three primary scapegoats contemplate what happened, are determined to work through it, and we explain it to our children in the hopes they don't suffer the same fate as their toxic cousins. In the cauldron our mother developed, I became and prodigious artist and gifted student. I found it funny that Mom was always frustrated that my teachers absolutely loved me, but were absolutely frustrated by her golden children. I'm middle-aged today and am a very successful artist with lots of friends and outlets: the golden children are desperate, greedy, and struggle financially and socially.

@scapegoatchildrecovery

Жыл бұрын

Wow. Thank you for sharing. Well done for your amazing healing/recovery work. 💕

Yeh, the scapegoat relieves them of the necessity to look at themselves. My mother is so defensive, she cannot receive even the tiniest bit of feedback. Her rosy view of herself *must* be reflected back to her, and my Dad obeys like it's the role of his life. So, When I'm the scapegoat, my mum gets to be right, *always* .. and my weak father gets to be strong as one half of a strong couple. he's not strong on his own though so he has to back up Mum. My brother, I guess he just accepts the status quo. I think he understands now though that I will not be manipulated in to pretending I'm ok with their behaviour.

@YagirlM

7 ай бұрын

This is the exact dynamic in my household. It’s sickening. I truly believe my mother is a demon. Disgusting creature.

Since calling out my narc mother she has gone no contact on me. Guess that proves all the theories correct. Now I'm mourning for the mother I needed but never received. So much damage with zero accountability. It boggles my mind to say the least🤯

This happened in my old friend group. I can point out two people who refused to handle their trauma. They were bullies and my husband and I got ousted as soon as I noticed and started standing up against it.

I recently set healthy boundaries with my siblings, I am 65. Just realized nothing Will change. Lots of shame present with my family and lots of secrets. In tried, and I have my children who were treated poorly by my siblings and their children too. Sad it could not be as I hoped and it's ok.

This video may be specifically about the family, but the psychological concept (basically trauma-based mind-control) is directly applicable to politics at all levels. Mary Toolan describes very well how guilt by accusation (ie: smear) is effective and why society goes along with it and rarely, if ever, holding the powerful accountable - we "buy into the lie". This has been normalized so deeply in our culture that most people accept it as normal and are unaware of the pernicious (and evil) power of scapegoating. Furthermore, victims of scapegoating often trauma-bond to their accusers in a sort of Stockholm Syndrome dynamic.

@jeannedouglas9912

Жыл бұрын

Your right.

@traveller8867

Жыл бұрын

Excellent comment and so right about the Stockholm Syndrome.

@steffenirgens7022

9 ай бұрын

This is the whole basis of western society.

Yep…loosing my siblings. Sister is golden girl. Brothers are still not getting it so I’m on my own. It’s ok, I have a pretty good support group of friends. It’s 💔 at times, but I’m counting my blessings and focusing on what I have, not what I don’t have.

@HomeFrendsten

Жыл бұрын

I can understand everybody

It's a wonderful place to be when you just don't play the game anymore. Curiously though I find when I meet a new narcissist, its like they try to go into that role with me immediately, it's uncanny.

Thank you for all of this. I'm 70 with limited contact. It's like you crawled inside my brain

@scapegoatchildrecovery

Жыл бұрын

well done Susan. and thank you.

@sonorasenora5911

Жыл бұрын

I'm 72 and a lifetime gut full of this shit from all but 2 of my extended family I'm less tolerant the older I get..forgive me Jesus but they can all perpetually kiss my ass

@MoteOfDust430

Жыл бұрын

@@sonorasenora5911 I'm with you. Learning to set boundaries in mid 60's is hard but my budding blissful autonomy is worth it

I’m the SG… thank you for reminding me of all my gifts and talents that go ignored by my “family”. I’ve realized that they are actually jealous of me on many levels and criticize me by saying “you are too smart for your own good” I speak 3 languages fluently …and they are limited to one that they use as hate speech to me.

I can attest that moving far away for a decade allowed me to surround myself with positive people. It was an amazing experience. Moving back has had my toxic family trying to treat me same as ever. I feel like I am able to keep my distance this time by moving out of the immediate metro area, and I also feel like I'll be able to surround myself with good people again. What a difference time and distance have made. 😊

@johnnytsunami3558

7 ай бұрын

Did you already have the pieces in place before moving? I'm thinking I'm just leaving, but not sure where to go... just know I'll happy deep down that I'm gone

@cc1k435

7 ай бұрын

@johnnytsunami3558 Moving which way? 😆 Either way, some things, yes, some no. Finding a job and/or a school you want to attend, along with somewhere to live would be a better way to reroot yourself in a new place than moving on a whim, but we don't always get to plan it all out in life, I suppose. Take care of yourself, and good luck. 🩷

you are right, I am the scapegoat of huge Narcissists family members, all of them lied to me, bulling me, to take advantage of me, my family members in fact Never Never Never cared me, they wanted me to fall down, Only myself with blind eyes, always want the best for them.

@1timbarrett

Жыл бұрын

You are a bigger person than I am. Part of me still wants to see a bit of poetic justice, y’know?

I ended contact with my mother and brother, and by effect the wider family a few years ago. At the age of 57, after much study, it's now clear my own life-long issues all stemmed from a highly dysfunctional family system. I can see it in my nephews too. One golden, and the other (who has just released his first album, and like me in an earlier generation - he's creative) - the 'one with problems." My brother kept up the tradition of dysfunction.

Yes I also spend the holidays alone. It is very difficult. All my love to everyone in the same boat. Please do a video about being alone on Christmas day and how to cope.

@1timbarrett

Жыл бұрын

It IS difficult, but think of the financial savings to yourself and the environmental resources you no longer waste!

@jimfloyd3292

Жыл бұрын

It’s Chinese buffet and a movie. You will see others doing it. Also Golden Corrall. Treat yourself to a day of self. Look sharp. Put on some nice clothes and just go it alone. Holidays are a bunch of hype anyway.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

Жыл бұрын

I enjoy the peace and meditation.

@ecm958

2 күн бұрын

It gets easier. What you're missing is what you never had anyway. You are so much better off.

leaving my birth 'family' and starting out in my car and in shelters was actually a step up for me, because there was a light at the end of the homelessness tunnel. there was no such resolution for continuing to be present with my 'family'.

@orangeziggy348

8 ай бұрын

Omg you have so much courage to do that.

@johnnytsunami3558

7 ай бұрын

Wooow that's honestly the same situation I'm in !! I thought about just being homeless if it meant getting away.. any update ?

@johnnytsunami3558

7 ай бұрын

​@@orangeziggy348could you ever do the same?

The damage my family done to me was devastating I finally worked it out at age 67. I have had no contact with them now for three years now and it’s been fantastic not being told you don’t deserve anything and hearing from other family and friends all the lies

Growing up in a dysfunctional family is truly like being raised in a cult. The more abusive, the more controlling and cult like. I was/am the family scapegoat. I told my mother I was the family scapegoat when I was probably 12-14 years old! The scapegoat is always the truth teller. We want to bring things to light. The scapegoating also has occurred in my extended family. When you think about it, the abusive parent, or parents know what they are doing and are covering their own behinds. Oh, and I could also see the manipulative divide and conquer plays that were meant to divide my sisters and I.

Nice to know I'm not walking this path alone. My cerebral attic is full of rubbish but at least I know I can clear that out myself. Thanks for speaking about this.

@rs5570

Жыл бұрын

♥️ You are not alone! 🙏🏻♥️

Bottom line is, you’re not gonna change it so move along and live life to the best you can. No complaining…don’t try to fight it…she’s in no uncertain terms, telling us that this isn’t going to change. I admire that.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

Жыл бұрын

The best revenge is to live well.

I still have to put up with being the scapegoat occasionally ...I’m 74 and have been no contact with my siblings for about 3 years. They still can’t believe I’ve cut the ties and still find ways to harass me, trying to pull me back into the family craziness. They are mostly alcoholics and have low self esteem and still can’t believe I’m no longer available. It gets easier as time goes by, (for me anyway). My advice to others in this kind of situation; take good care of yourselves and live your life.

It does seem like those toxic abusive "loved ones" are being exposed everywhere. That can only help. It is shocking how epidemic the covert abuse is. Makes you wonder why as it is truly epidemic. Seems no contact is the best route to take as the constant character assassinations dont seem to ever die or stop. I've witnessed four generations of entitled bullies with near 100% ill gotten gain. Makes you wonder why and when will it end. This age of head games is a total disgrace to primitive human decency for sure. Keep your peace everyone.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

Жыл бұрын

@Susel I agree. The light is shining on those things not before acknowledged, so it seems like something new and epidemic. It is sign of things getting better on this rough road.

Very well explained. Almost 50 years in the role of scapegoat. Very ill and exhausted. I don't want to write about my youth, because I'm in a fase of forgiveness and healing within my family. But I experienced this mechanism too at schools, workplaces and neighborhoods. Even the healthcare system, where I asked for help and medical care. (which I didn't get) Everywhere. I'm totally abandoned and declared as outlaw by the system. I was a very sensitive and caring person. (yoga, meditation, reiki, years of therapy and training, wrote books about trauma and mobbing) But at 55 I just hate people! Thank you for the caring and soothing words.

@ScarletClementine

6 ай бұрын

well put. Still hoping to meet some kind people, because even the other meditation, yoga, massage school people all became more greedy and less empathetic. I worked really hard on owning what I brought to the table. Not sure what else to do? Isolation takes a toll too.

@s.n.6558

6 ай бұрын

@@ScarletClementine It does. I think spirituality is for a lot of people an interesting hype for their ego. We have to be careful who to trust.

I'm an aspie and was a model student - the most trusted kid in the school. The principal trusted me with matches to light fires at school. I was school prefect and when the school groundsman was off sick for a couple of weeks, I was put in charge of a team of four and we emptied all the combustable trash in the incinerator and I set it alight. The principal gave a box of matches with only a few in it which I returned and then I got the key to the tuckshop so we all got a softdrink as reward. Everyone treated me as if I was much older and mature except my family. My family treated me like an idiot and controlled my life to excess. I could write much more, but stopped myself....

@ix-Xafra

Жыл бұрын

@Cj Johnson thanks for the positive sentiment. I've often been complimented about my literary skills, however as you know we aspies can have executive function issues. Being dilligent and honest has caused a lot of issues with other folk, so I'm quite recluse these days. If I had to write a piece for publication by a certain date, it would never happen...

@wisconsinfarmer4742

Жыл бұрын

When I was a teacher, my favorite students were the ones who did not buy into the standard paradigm.

@ix-Xafra

Жыл бұрын

@@wisconsinfarmer4742 thanks for the comment. I was a farm boy and would apart from other chores sometimes have to bury a dead calf before going to school. We aspies are very literal and tend to do as we are told and also we are pathologically honest - honesty has cost me a great deal but I wouldn't want to be a neurotypical for all the money in the world.

@rl453

Жыл бұрын

Undiagnosed as a child and the youngest of 4, I was….idk…treated as though I was some sort of helpless and incapable human until about age 12 (when I went to live with another family member). Was not allowed to handle any sharp knives for fear I’d “hurt myself”, my marble collection was given to an older sibling (who had no interest in them) when I was around 9-10 for fear I’d “put them in my mouth & choke”?? But an aunt made a tiny vegetable garden for me at her home & put me in charge of it. She did not hover after instructing me, allowed me to make mistakes. She was the first adult to show confidence that I could succeed at anything and I am SO grateful to this day! It took me many years to go low and no contact with most of my family of origin. I am happier for it. Also, in my family, the Golden Child and the Scapegoat certainly rotated. We were pitted against each other. The unhealthy dynamic remains with my surviving siblings. I do not “hate” them but it is best for all of us to maintain that distance now.

@ix-Xafra

Жыл бұрын

@@rl453 peace and understanding from Brisbane.

When you are a scapegoat and one of your parent dies, it feels like unsettled business. My mom passed when I was 37 and I didn’t get to say goodbye. I feel like I have a huge hole from no closure and no resolution from being the scapegoat my whole life. My dad continued the narrative with my sibling as the golden child and it has been a bumpy road. We have children and my dad has continued the cycle with them. It is sad. The positive is I don’t need validation from others and I am stronger because of this but I have dealt with anxiety and depression my whole life.

This is everywhere for me though. It's not just my family who I'm now estranged from. It's my workplace. It was my friends, but I've let them all go now. I'm just wondering why can nobody accept me as I am. I have accepted myself. It took a lot of work and I don't let people in if they cant accept my boundaries. It just seems to me my choices are be alone or be abused. I've chosen be alone by the way.

@Datb2

Жыл бұрын

same!!!!!!!!!!!

@ginabeam7307

9 ай бұрын

I can relate!

@ravenel2

8 ай бұрын

It’s heartbreaking, but try to view it as everyone is on different levels and you are leveling up. You let go of everyone who was a low level one and one day you will find the level tens who are out there. Because isn’t that what’s happening? Great people don’t bully.

@artflyer8775

8 ай бұрын

😭I really feel for you

@gordonbennett3213

5 ай бұрын

Its spiritual, these people are just hosts. Satan and his demons need to lower our light, just keep shining bright chosen ones.

Thank you, Mary. I have subscribed. I am just at the end of my rope. I so wish I would’ve had the courage to go no contact as a young person. I was ill and there was no where to turn. Anyone who can, save yourself & leave. Never look back.

Thank you for talking about this. I have actually never met anyone who has been through something similar to my experience and when I tell my story people normally don't believe me. They often find me strange. During childhood my mum always blamed me for everything no matter how hard I tried to be good and do everything right. My dad was running business and was very rarely at home, I really don't know what he saw. He was always busy and stressed but I think he had some kind of connection with his heart. He didn't blame me the same way. When I met and married a man it was like continuing to live with my mother. He treated me the same way. (Yes, I know that I made a decision to marry him, but I counld't see who he was (and who I was) when I was 25.) I was in a really bad state during this marriage was sick all the time and I didn't get well until I decided to get a divorce. When I left my ex-husband after 19 years he became very aggressive and full of hate. I locked with double locks but my mother blamed me and invited him behind my back. I wrote a letter to everybody who was invited to the party describing my situation (to my siblings and all of the family but me) but all I got was hate. At this time I slowly started to realize that something was wrong in my family, but I still blamed myself that I couldn’t solve this situation. When my father died in 2012 my mother screamed at me at his death bed that she never wanted to see me again. I found out that she informed the care center that my father had two daughters and not three. They were surprised when I called them. Now I had to grief the death of my father and the loss of my family. It was hard. Very hard. Then my mother played out my children against me she succeeded. My ex husband had already started that process to blame me for everything when we were divorced. So now I basically have no family left and no contact with my children or grandchildren. My mother has never contacted me again, neither has my two sisters. Other people or relatives "around" don't dare to meet me or talk to me in fear of my mothers reaction. They might be excluded as well... Today I start to feel free. But it has been a long journey. I have realized that my upbringing has given me a constant fear inside. It's hard to find your way out of a pattern you've had all your life. Now I’ve sold my house to travel in my van. Maybe I’ll find new friends during my journey (both an inner and outer journey). This kind of information that you offer is really valueble and now I finally start to realize that I’m not alone being treated like this.Thank you.

Yes. Thank you for posting this. I’m going through something now_ my father played us against each other. He’s gone now. Lots of gaslighting and bullying, the more I try to discuss and resolve things it got worse. You’re right. I was disregarded. Being pushed out of the family legacy. Trouble showing up but I will get back. Need some healing first. I believe they were jealous and I feel shy to shine. I’m sad. I wish my sister was caring. She just can’t be. I’m sad about it. Holiday is the hardest. I’ve lost family and friends. I would like to connect w others this year. 2023. Time to grow. Best to everyone. Healing and find good loving supportive respectful friends. 💜🙏🏻💗

This is so true. I naively thought that we could put it all behind us when I hit my 20’s. I had no idea at that age that being a family scapegoat is a position for life. I went no contact in my early 30’s, it was the best decision I ever made. It’s not easy but so worth it.

@Anon06428

3 ай бұрын

Happening to me now, age 30 myself…

Yes, and when you are a highly sensitive intuitive empath with sanguine heart and scapegoat from the family, work, and then healthcare system. Totally c-ptsd now and finally dealing with ALL of it - but sadly, it's hard to find a partner in all of this and no find more gaslighting. It's more painful than anything physical and I had and have a lot of physical pain...even yet...

@ScarletClementine

6 ай бұрын

In exact same place, just learned about c-ptsd and it explains a lot.