Hilarious. I thought the best part was how they took the time to free some horses from captivity but never gave a moment's thought to freeing children from slavery.

@TheLittlePlatoon

2 жыл бұрын

The rabbit horses were worth it. The children weren’t. It may be *Disney* Star Wars but riding children on film might have posed a few too many awkward questions.

@idkaboutthisfuckoffyoutube1041

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheLittlePlatoon and that’s as far as the thought process goes Sadly

@brotbrotsen1100

2 жыл бұрын

Yes i loved this decision, the flawlessly written characters, especially Rose the unsung hero of the franchises, were well aware that human children raised into captivati can't get integrated into society again, it would have been a disservice to force such a life onto them, and let's be real, the slaves would catch them again in 5 minutes. I love how the brilliant writers respect our intelligence.

@alexgillis9446

2 жыл бұрын

The children are really only noisy, smelly clumps of cells ...

@jesterssketchbook

2 жыл бұрын

when they emancipated that horse, everyone stood in my theatre stood and cheered - As Jake Sywalker said later in the film: "it's morbin time!"

“Somehow Palpatine returned” has to be one of the most iconic and thought provoking lines in history. It made me think how stupid the sequel trilogy is.

@donpietruk1517

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah TLJ was really cringe but that's the moment they jumped the shark.

@jesterssketchbook

2 жыл бұрын

really subverted my expectations: because i thought screenwriters could WRITE

@stellviahohenheim

2 жыл бұрын

Palpatine : Rey.. you came from my balls and now you must return into my balls going through my urethra

@zerohasnovalue1681

Жыл бұрын

He remade himself … in between Snokes?!?👎

@zerohasnovalue1681

Жыл бұрын

@@Daniel07Eleven what happened with the book???

I was hate-watching this at first bc i thought he was serious but then i realized that it was a joke and started laughing my ass off. Well done sir.

@TheLittlePlatoon

2 жыл бұрын

It’s equal parts hilarious and terrifying that we live in a world where this *could* be serious!

@adamduffield7782

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheLittlePlatoon as much as this video oozes sarcasm and facetious comments, and brilliantly done, there are people out there that actually prefer Disney star wars to anything George Lucas did, they're usually gender studies majors and lesbian dance theory proffesors

@delta2372

2 жыл бұрын

What's scary is that this is what lucasfilms and disney and some people actually think.

@SFforlife

2 жыл бұрын

It’s no joke friend 😏

@jal2550

2 жыл бұрын

Me Too!! 😂😂😂😂

The “dying and come back to life“ part had me dead 💀💀

@harryshearer992

2 жыл бұрын

Did you then come back to life?

@user-fu7zf4ck9z

2 жыл бұрын

@@harryshearer992 yes, I can't explain, but.. I somehow returned

@swiftstrike4044

2 жыл бұрын

It was the Luke's toxic masculinity bit for me 🤣🤣🤣

@jesterssketchbook

2 жыл бұрын

@@user-fu7zf4ck9z (slow clap) well played sir

@thatkeyboardgirlsha3442

Жыл бұрын

@@user-fu7zf4ck9z i can explain. it's because the dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some might consider to be unnatural

My shields can't repel sarcasm of this magnitude. Well done sir.

16:16 "Truly we did not deserve this" is the truest statement of the video 🤣

I can't believe you managed to speak through this whole thing without laughing. I would have died from asphyxiation induced by wheezing fits of hilarity.

@messwithhelpy

Жыл бұрын

My Comment Exactly ❤️

17 minutes of pure genius

You deserve a Ph.D in sarcasm. Well done.

@daverobson3084

Жыл бұрын

I think he already has one, but it's titled " Philosophy". At least a masters.

I'm imagining all the ultra-woke people watching this and not realizing it's sarcastic lol.

@TheLittlePlatoon

2 жыл бұрын

I was very tempted to put a trigger warning on it for precisely that reason.

@kylekullin2520

2 жыл бұрын

Do you like Tom Petty

@ardisgreenwater857

Жыл бұрын

@@TheLittlePlatoon That would be triggering!

@daverobson3084

Жыл бұрын

@@ardisgreenwater857 But,m then, what isn't triggering these days?

"They never suffered any setbacks" (Luke loses hand) had me going!

If I didn’t notice the date, I’d actually hate this video. Your satire is well done. Well played sir. Well played.

The single greatest moment of symbolism occurs at the end of Episode IX. As Rey Palpatine Skywalker tosses the lightsabers of Anakin and Luke into a hole in Tatooine, a planet both men hated and tried to escape from, she, a Palpatine, having killed the entire Skywalker line, smiles in victory, usurping their titles and claiming their flesh as her own while throwing the corpses of the Skywalker right back to a place they always hated, and always wanted to leave. Truly, truly the symbolism reflects not just Star Wars, but countless other franchises, Disney, and indeed all of modern cinema as it bravely throws the dead into humiliating positions and selflessly usurps titles, artifacts, and money, forever planting themselves proudly as queer feminist icons of triumphant assurance in absolute victory over those MEN who selfishly created entire worlds and mansplained to whole generations of impressionable youth, with such terrible messages as hard work (which is racist) and perseverance (which is sexist). Beautiful moments, it was so beautiful I had known about it before the movie even aired and spoiled it to everyone, so they wouldn’t weep in joy at seeing such genius writ out across the screen, so that they could enjoy all other media - inferior media.

@TheLittlePlatoon

2 жыл бұрын

There could literally be an episode 10 that starts with the premise Palpatine’s plan in IX worked, Rey killed him and he inhabited her body from then on, and pretty much nothing about the close of TROS would have to change. In fact, that reading actually makes *more* sense than TROS, because Palpatine burying the Skywalkers’ lightsabers and assuming their name would be a symbol of his final victory, and the beginning of his return to power. What could be cleverer than doing so by assuming the identity of your enemies, the “heroes” of the galaxy?

@TheOmegagoldfish

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheLittlePlatoon If Rey had any consistent character traits then that could be a fascinating maneuver, it wouldn’t make up for the utter disrespect to the franchise, but that interpretation would be genius: which is why by Occam’s Razor it must be false. Paradoxically it is too subtle and clever to be considered plausible. I’ve seen this reading before but whether or not Palpatine possessed Rey, the meta-narrative is the same regardless of true narrative. Trying to rationally explain the Disney movies is a Quixotic endeavor if you’re doing it from an in-universe perspective: the entire trilogy had no vision and nobody competent at the helm, it nakedly contradicts itself so many times that anything can be advanced as an explanation for anything. Suggesting the possession reading in Disney fan circles is still great fun though, as people who invested interest in her as a political end will grow disturbed if you advance this position, especially if you try to look friendly and interested. To explain this phenomenon, I think the writers considered it a poignant return to where it all began because they never understood even the most basic aspect of the franchise, and an unveiling of a true successor to the Skywalkers rather than the scathing meta-remark it really was. Either that or they hated Star Wars so much that in their efforts to openly piss on the corpse they ascended to the ludicrously self-parodic. Reading into the themes this moment flew in the face of requires a middle-school understanding of interpretation at most. The conclusion to draw is this: either we are faced with writers of such poor caliber that they are incapable of understanding some of the most naked and basic themes ever put to film, or we are faced with people who hold such obvious contempt that they did this all on purpose. Either way, should we even bother discussing their work? What more is there to be gleaned? It’s been three years now. Seven since this nightmare began. Ultimately, as a former Star Wars fan, I don’t have anything to say about the Disney zeitgeist that hasn’t been said a million times. I will not watch Kenobi, I did not watch Mandalorian, and I have instead moved on. My ultimate message to everyone still invested in this franchise is quite simple, if harsh. Star Wars isn’t for us anymore. Let go, let it rot, let the people who did this lose money. Maybe later, someday, it will be abandoned and we can return. These things, these defilements only happen because there’s attention. The moment everyone tunes out, the moment we create our own franchises, or trawl the public domain, is the moment this sort of desecration that has been written large across nerd spaces becomes unsustainable. Disney Wars only existed because people like you and people like me bought it on name recognition. I think it’s time to let go.

@skrublordnord69

2 жыл бұрын

I agree with absolutely everything you said sir. You speak objectively and I admire that. That’s a trait that too many current Star Wars fans lack. Most will call you names for pointing out the flaws. Most will also say, “well stop ruining it for me.” If our criticism and objective speech ruins your enjoyment for this, then maybe your enjoyment was only artificial and not real. Mr. Lucas said in an interview once talking about joy. It only happens once or twice. But if you try to chase that feeling it will only cripple you. Instead of trying to recreate that feeling we once had when we first saw the original movies, we should look back and remember fondly. Because recreating that magic with new characters and a new setting is complicated at best. Especially when the original goal for the sequels wasn’t to recapture that magic. But rather to make bank off of fans like you and me wanting to relive those days. I won’t let go the movies that I grew up with. But I’ll let go of the bastardization we had to endure this past decade. The sequels will never be canon to me. They never happened. They don’t exist. It was all a nightmare that I’m choosing to wake up from.

@TheLittlePlatoon

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheOmegagoldfish Very well put, and something I’ve been pondering myself. We have a (very long) autopsy of the Book of Boba Fett coming out in the next week or so that has a section dedicated to this very topic. The advantage I have is that, being a critic/reviewer, it’s not a choice I have to make- I’ll watch these things regardless. But as a fan, it is quite depressing. The streaming service economy doesn’t lend itself to direct consumer pressure in the old ways. These shows don’t need to make money or post good ratings, they just need to attract subscribers who then stay on for other things. Traditional networks couldn’t swallow a disaster as big as TBoBF, but Disney+ can. It may even have benefited from it, despite it being the TV equivalent of watching your childhood buggered by a bone saw. Once it might have been the case that, were we all to steer clear of the garbage and flock to the one or two gems that emerge, they’d learn a lesson. At this stage in the development of the streaming economy though, that just doesn’t work. In which case, it may be yours is the only solution- just write it off completely, hope it dies, and then John Hammond it a decade or more from now. Which would be miserable. It’s staggering that, with all they have at their disposal, with a franchise and a universe as big and beloved as Star Wars, they can barely muster a semi-decent half-hour episode once a year. (I’m of the opinion that money is the problem here, actually, it being the enemy of good writing. That’s for another time.) But it is what it is, and what it’s likely to remain.

@TheOmegagoldfish

2 жыл бұрын

Taking it all in from a single detached viewpoint leads to simple and relatively easy courses of action. When I had raised the question of whether incompetence or malice was the breeding grounds for what we have seen, not just in Star Wars, but as you have covered, Star Trek, (and as others have noted: Ghostbusters, Terminator, Alien, Doctor Who, Marvel (Comics), DC (Comics)), I was begging a question. It seems absurd on the face that companies with so many resources have committed so many basic blunders for a decade straight. It simply is too implausible that there has been a great lapse of competence except possibly at the highest echelons. What we are seeing is an ideology in motion. It is not an ideology we hold, but everything is simple and easy to explain under this lens. The predictions are simple: we will see more of this until these companies have a difference in their leadership. Under this ideology, men and particularly white men in fiction are seen as bad, it is not representative or diverse enough. A new breed of character is slated to replace them, and to do so when this small handful of companies owns so many IPs is trivial. In days long past, I read fanfiction, as part of perhaps the same drive that makes people like you review new Star Trek. A fascination with the grotesque. Dipping a toe in that allowed me to identify this: if a character is hated by the writer and set to be replaced with a shiny new Mary Sue, this character is degraded, belittled, twisted into shapes unrecognizable, and ultimately killed as to be supplanted. What happened to Luke Skywalker, Picard, and He-Man? The model I have developed - that this is ideological at the top and incompetent in the middle, explains everything too neatly. I'm sure you figured it out too. But the scope of it and the scale of the malice is something I think is hard to initially grasp. What happened to these franchises will continue so long as it is allowed. Surprising moments of freedom from upper management, like the Marvel Cinematic Universe, are only fleeting. You can see it bare before you in that case. Endgame felt like a patient struggling against the first traces of terminal illness - random scenes included for little reason. But the fatal diagnosis needed no physician - Captain Marvel's conduct in that film, her pseudo-deification showed plain this issue. These companies do not sell a product, they sell a promise that, by looking at Star Wars again, you’ll feel as you did when you were a kid and watching Star Wars for the first time. But we are not children anymore. New Disney is torn in the impossible position of trying to pander to nostalgia and cram the programming of their executive branch down everyone’s throat. It leads to shallow, contradictory, and insulting garbage. There is only one ethical course for the consumer, for me. I have no subscription to any streaming service. I purchase no merchandise. I have sworn never to speak positively of anything made by Disney. There is no tolerance of this conduct to me. If I see a company engage in this sort of ideology, I immediately cease consuming all their products. Independent creators and the public domain are perfect substitutes. It seems incredibly drastic, but I sacrificed nothing. I urge everyone to follow me. If nobody cared, if it was all regarded as fanfiction, unspoken of except for mocking jeers, there would be a shift. I think reviewers especially must resist the allure of the familiar, of the easy, low-hanging fruit that these franchises display. If nobody spoke of these things, thought of these things, bought of these things, and cancelled their streaming services, then we’d speak in money. These companies speak in two languages - the ideology of their upper management and in finance. If there is a contradiction between the two, finance will win, or the company will fall. The greatest part about engaging with small creators is that I can speak to you and be heard by you. I feel like this interaction is worth more than big budgets or nostalgia. Thank you, truly, for all the work you've done. I hope to see more, I've subscribed. It's the least I can do.

It’s as if the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy narrator narrated the Disney sequel trilogy.

@TheLittlePlatoon

2 жыл бұрын

“There is a theory which states that if anyone ever discovers exactly what the sequel trilogy was for and how it came about, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even worse and inexplicable.”

0:27 Love the use of the youngling scene with the "space wizards for children" quote. Beautiful

You broke me at 5:02 when you called Johnson our generation's answer to Hitchcock and Kubrick. Well struck, good form.

This video is amazing. The dryness to your humor and the sarcasm is 2nd to none. I literally laughed out loud to this and then sat in desolation as I pondered the trueness of it all.

@wearesunrise

Жыл бұрын

This is amazing

Well done. "Not understanding them is the key to understanding them" is a keen insight that explains so much of modern film and television. (Even if it does sound a bit like something a 20th century French philosopher would say.)

I became a Patreon supporter because of this video. I have never watched a more succinct and incisive critique of the sequel trilogy. The supporting visual evidence is synchronized perfectly with your narrative. Brilliant.

Sarcasm is a art form and you sir are a true artist.

"not understanding them is key to understanding them and that is their point" very insightful indeed

This is absolutely brilliant! Should be nominated for best mockumentary!

The Holdo part was absolut gold, as was the rest.

Damn good. Yes, the SW sequels are something we 'don't deserve' 😀

I applaud you for the sacrifices you've made this day sir.

Seriously... I don't know how you could record the voiceover for this video with such a straight face/voice. I would've been laughing hysterically the whole time. You, sir, deserve a lot more Subscribers and Likes.

the move that he/she/they took to save his/her/their.....omfg that was funny. And the longer it went on the funnier it actually got

@longgone6312

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah that part had me cracking up 😂😂😂

@wojciechmazurek947

Жыл бұрын

And soon the order of titles will be important too, because 'how dare you call me "he/she/they" while I am "they/he/she"?'

The “Die and come back to life” segment had me dying of laughter. Literally couldn’t breathe. For a good 10 minutes.. I had to keep rewinding it. It was just too funny! 14:46

Just found this channel and it's already my favorite on KZread. I hope we can get some more satirical videos in the future!

@TheLittlePlatoon

2 жыл бұрын

I’ll see what I can come up with!

5:19 "A man who sees women as a commodity and their milk as his birthright." This made me laugh so fucking hard.

Bravo Little Platoon, Bravo. Truly the best use of sarcasm and dry wit I have ever seen on KZread. John Cleese would be proud. Seriously, if I tried to say what you just said while keeping a straight face I wouldn't be able to last 5 seconds without laughing hysterically or feeling the urge to break something, whichever comes first.

@TheLittlePlatoon

2 жыл бұрын

I did have to pause a few times on the TROS summary because, my god, that film takes dumb to a whole new level.

"To understand the best villains you have to understand that you cannot understand them. Not understanding them is key to understanding them."

Excellent april's fool. Impeccable et brillant. Merci.

@TheLittlePlatoon

2 жыл бұрын

De rien!

Only just discovered TLP, and I’ve watched this 4 times, totally hilarious. You got me at he/she/they/her/him. Brilliant

That was truly amazing can’t wait to watch more of these over the years!

Sarcasm in its finest. I love it.

My favorite part was having the villain win!!! I mean Palpy's possession of ray and calling him/they selves Skywalker, just brilliant!!!

Haha showing the Leia saving all of them in New Hope and an Padme doing the same in the arena while talking about incompetent and weak female leads in old Star Wars was hilarious 😂 When I heard Disney people talking about this topic and always had those scenes in my head or when Leia saves Han or when she kills Jabba… It’s sad that we have people making who never cared about Star Wars making them purely for money

@shubhamdhaybar9962

Жыл бұрын

TBH there where no strong female characters in lucas's films... like remember when leia almost gave all the rebels like what was She gonna do, resist the dark force OF VADER. and padme huh she literally dies after giving birth to her children... if only there were rules for abortion

@daverobson3084

Жыл бұрын

@@shubhamdhaybar9962 ????? Sarcasm???

Good for April 1st . And the last jib about "The little green frog puppet, Who said , "Live long and prosper"" while showing Yoda, was very nice. Though I have to wonder how many people know, at this time, That it was Kermit the Frog who actually said that. RIP Jim

*"Sarcasm is the **_Root_** of all **_Wit."_*

Brutal, Platoon. Absolutely brutal. How I love it.

His sarcasm is deadly serious.

This is a work of dark and perfect genius.

This was truly brilliant! Incredibly funny! Perfectly summed up!

The sarcasm is strong with this one.

"Not understanding them is key to understanding them." Hilarious

Somewhere, Rian Johnson watched this and was screaming " Right on ! Preach my man! Preach".

Absolutely hilarious. I just finished the Dr Strange trilogy and then randomly chose this and I’m glad I did. You sir have acquired my subscription!

@TheLittlePlatoon

Жыл бұрын

Welcome aboard!

As funny as this is, the sad reality is that there are people that actually think this way.

This video is so brilliant, you had me going for a while there I was like this man is really going fact by fact and defending why it's actually Terrible, fucking brilliantly executed my friend.

Such an exquisite satire. Delicious.

@TheLittlePlatoon

2 жыл бұрын

Much obliged!

Well done. Your platoon may be little, but your KZread Bloomsbury is one of my favorite channels.

@TheLittlePlatoon

2 жыл бұрын

Many thanks! We were at around 20 four months ago, so at this rate we should be able to invade Russia in about five years.

@az1202

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheLittlePlatoon actually true lol

@az1202

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheLittlePlatoon actually at your current growth rate, you can have 500m in 8 months (enough I think)

@az1202

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheLittlePlatoon and 2.5t in 16 months

@az1202

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheLittlePlatoon and over 1 decillion (1 followed by 33 0s) in 5 years.

this is the greatest in depth video ever the original and prequal trilogy is nothing compared to the sequal trilogy

I love how every detail he said is just perfectly opposite to reality

The irony only a posh British accent can do. I cannot imagine how you called Johnson "Our generation's answer to Hitchcock and Kubrick" with a straight face. That must have required so many takes. Well done.

guessing this was an April fool's day video 😂😂😂

GDELB crossed with Prof Tosspot, well done sir!

It’s impressive to keep up the sarcastic analysis that long. I applaud you 👏

Amazing… you did all with a straight face and a without laughing 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

God I enjoyed this SO much!! Superbly done!

Pov: your watching Star Wars movies in an alternate universe. Lol

How do you only have 6.5 k subs? You have great content

The sarcasm is overwhelming in this video. Love it.

Your sarcastic abilities are absolutely unrivalled. Bravo, sir - this is fucking brilliant.

I new this was a joke from the title alone lmao

God damn it Platoon! You owe me for a new sarcasm detector! This one melted...

Had me in the first half. Not gonna lie.

@TheLittlePlatoon

2 жыл бұрын

It’s kind of tragicomic that we’ve reached that point, isn’t it?

When I read the title: It's treason, then. When I saw the upload date: Brilliant, brilliant!

The sarcasm is strong lol

The best part about this video is there's going to be a lot of people who think you're serious. Sadly that's why they keep producing garbage like Ghostbusters 2016, discovery, Picard and the latest 3 Star Wars "films"

@TheLittlePlatoon

2 жыл бұрын

I almost hope they do think I’m serious, it’d be great fun!

@ericb4127

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheLittlePlatoon It most certainly will be fun and it's also a brilliant bit of marketing for your channel.

@harrambou9468

2 жыл бұрын

Which is why the level of satire in the thumbnail and title were a bit too much.

Thanks for the eloquent explanation!! Before, I just loved the pretty lights in my eyes and mind. But now, it all makes so much more sense now why these are now the best films in Star Wars history.

You sir make an art form of sarcasm. Truly.

1:24 is where I picked up on what you were doing. Can I tell you my brow was furrowed.

that was absolutely magnificent.

The best sarcasm is hard to discern from praise for those who are being mocked. This is proper sarcasm. Bravo!

This is probably my favorite video of yours so far lmao just very well written and funny. Made me laugh alot. Thanks

Well done, sir! If I could give this two thumbs up, I would!!

I don't know how you got through this fantastic script without laughing (or weeping), but this is great. 😂

@matthewwhite4564

Жыл бұрын

i'd guess multiple multiple MULTIPLE takes

"Tit bejeweled lifeform" 😂 yeah I'm using that one for sure

I'm guessing the 150+ dislikes were shills who thought you were actually praising the new films lol

My sarcasm-o-meter is glowing red right now.

I have to admit...I have not laughed this hard in a long time..My rib cage still hurts...Well done sir..

You had me laughing so hard! Glad I watched this today, I needed it!

Brilliant. A triumph in every sense! Now, where's my gift bag?

Just when I’d given up on Star Wars you gave me this😂😂😂😂😂😂 thank you. I want it back so badly.

🤣🤣🤣 at first I was like WTF, this has to be parity....

You definitely need more Visibility. xD That was so funny

This is solid satire.

Very well done, have watched 10+ of your vids and this is the best one yet!

Ya had me in the first half ngl 😂

I love your turn of phrase :)

I'm so glad this is an april first video, you had me scared for a second XD

Your sarcasm has reached final form brother,great vid

Finally someone that spoke out what I was looking for. A new Starwars. A new Story.

I’m amazed you got through recording this entire video without pissing yourself laughing, 10/10.

This is pure gold.

Seriously considering sending clips of this to my friends, short enough so that they won’t get the sarcasm, just to tick them off. Beautifully done

A world-class analysis if ever I have heard one. Bravo, good sir!

I feel a disturbance in the force, as if millions of americans weren't catching the well known british sarcasm.

How many takes did you have to do? I'm guessing you were busting out laughing as much as I am!! Fabulous