She is so good - she's the only psychologist I've listened to, and I've listened to a lot, who, the entire time I'm listening to her, sounds like she actually understands reality - she gets it - the entire time

@smarttraveler2964

2 жыл бұрын

Shes a Board Certified Psychiatrist .

@seymourtompkins

Жыл бұрын

She's not a psychologist, but a psychiatrist. Yes, she has a lot of expertise.

@jerry-jx1rw

Жыл бұрын

@@seymourtompkins psychiatrists always get it more than psychologists do. Psychologists are quite judgemental of BPD.

@seymourtompkins

Жыл бұрын

@@jerry-jx1rw interesting observation. in my professional experience, I'd say it really depends more on the type of training and person than on the general discipline.

DBT helps the brain mature seeing all sorts of options.

This is fantastic content. I agree that BPD is an outcome..Dr. Choi-Kain describes very well my development process..What sucks for me at this point is I'm 52 years old, only diagnosed at age 50..I have a hard time finding motivation to do the hard work of DBT at this point in my life..for what? Soooooo much of my life has been literally wasted..anyway, I digress...for me one of the crux's of DBT is simply to get in a mind-set of not adding suffering to the suffering that already exists as a borderline

@tammik4652

3 жыл бұрын

You have sooooooo much of your life ahead of you. I wish you could make it your best life... just by applying these tools thought in DBT.

@BorderlinerNotes

3 жыл бұрын

Lee, I was almost 40 when diagnosed and felt very much the same way. Just completely flattened by the magnitude of the diagnosis in terms of how it seeped into every aspect of my life - the symptoms. If I focused too much on that - the lost time, the missing of developmental milestones, it was like getting gut punched and it would immobilize me. I think at some juncture I decided to just go for it with trying to get better, accepting (albeit angry and grief-stricken over the lost time) that the option of not trying would land me where I was, which was miserable. I can't say, even today, that I can find much silver lining in the years of suffering. I can't. I still wish I could have them back. But I can't. The gift was the knowledge and growth I have been gaining subsequent to diagnosis and that the hell I lived in I DO NOT WANT TO REPEAT, so I try to be really mindful of that in how I presently handle my life and relationships. It's a bit of a bitter pill to swallow. I am moved by the depth of your commens and insight. There is an organization called emotions matter that has peer support groups. It might be worth checking them out for additional support and connection.

@borderofzen1210

3 жыл бұрын

I try to look at life before diagnosis this way: I was unaware I was living with serious mental illness. Until I did, there was never a chance at a true positive outcome in any of my relationships or opportunities. What I am in control of now is whether I continue forward differently, because with the gaining of knowledge goes the excuse of ignorance, and it is now totally up to me to decide my success, as I know what I need to know now. Fortunately, I did not do too much damage to myself while I was unaware, at least not enough that I cannot move forward successfully. And I hope the same for you!

@janetadams1339

3 жыл бұрын

I can do relate to how you feel. I was 60 when diagnosed. I was in a complete state of shock, the diagnosis triggered me to attempt suicide twice in the following month. I'm still waiting for my dbt therapy to begin. It's the what ifs that upset me. The wasted time, the frustration, but mostly the fear of, at my age, can I change my mindset. The road ahead is monumental, scary and I just hope I can find it in me to stick the course. Good luck to you, I wish you well my friend.

@leebridenstine2806

3 жыл бұрын

@@BorderlinerNotes yeah it's really weird...I'm still in this flux of just trying to come to terms with the diagnosis...there are times that I really embrace it and there are times I wish I had never heard of BPD, lol...I've never had much of a self-esteem, but prior to my diagnosis there were aspects of my personality that I saw as assets...for example, I felt that my spontaneity and adventurousness and risk-taking nature and need for constant intense stimulation made me more interesting and "cool" than the average person (whatever that is, lol)..but now I realize that a lot of that is impulsivity driven by chronic emptiness and an inability to find validation within myself etc etc, and it's like, oh ok...I'm even more broken than I thought I was...I've realized that a lot of people that I saw as boring or basic are really people that have a default level of mental well-being that doesn't compel them to be constantly seeking relief from their intolerable experience of themselves by throwing themselves recklessly into all kinds of situations, which has been my life pattern...I guess I'm still just processing it all...DBT has really been good for me, let me say that for sure..when I make an effort to be mindful and to ride the waves of my inner turmoil, it makes a big difference..DBT is definitely effective, but it doesn't come naturally, and that's one of the hardest pills to swallow for me, that I can't just trust myself to exist on auto-pilot, you know what I mean? It can be exhausting

I find it fascinating that Rebbie has met all these people with this incredible knowledge of BPD. Your channel is gold, thank you very much.

@BorderlinerNotes

3 жыл бұрын

A little trade secret is that I have / had the BPD diagnosis and was lucky enough to cross paths with some of these people in treatment. I felt what I was learning from them was epic/gold (as you say) and needed to be made more widely available to people. Thank you for your comment, 0 Sparring, so appreciate the appreciation. - R

@sailing9802

3 жыл бұрын

@@BorderlinerNotes and how can one get a therapist like /dr. Choi?

@thehighpriestess8431

3 жыл бұрын

Great work! I hope the film had more exposure. It is indeed gold. So beautifully organized, researched and executed.

Yes!! I like this idea of how we should take meds to help us deal w everyday at first Bcs I suffer everyday. And yes very true a narcissist or psychopath can become very successful and can be out in the real world socializing and having a good time. I on the other hand live in isolation most of the time. I have social anxiety and feel guilty all the time about past mistakes and episodes.

Missing out on developmental milestones while using energy to survive and cope in a toxic environment

Thank you so much for the creation of this channel.

DBT is life changing especially because it helped undue the damage of being raised by my sociopathic father

@iamaliveyoucantstopnow

2 ай бұрын

I just started my DBT journey. I grew up with two narcissistic parents. Both insane, both highly emotionally abusive. I am glad to hear that DBT can help the damage caused by shit parents.

Really thought provoking conversation.I enjoy a variety of perspectives in this channel!Its an amazing space.Thank you for creating it and your honest&authentic presence.

@BorderlinerNotes

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the lovely feedback!

Excellent .. your videos are extremely valuable to society

In short, she, like many other specialists speak to the complexity of the BPD. I like and agree with how she explains the psychosocial influences during early development. I truly believe these types of questions and conversations put the professional world on course to making additional discoveries that will be paramount in future understanding of the nature/development along with additional treatments that will further improve outcomes. Good stuff!

thanks for posting this.

Very, very wise words. Thanks.

My mother looks, sounds & feels like a wild feral animal which is terrifying to witness. I will never be comfortable seeing humanity come & go because at this level you need to run for safety.

Thanks as always, it's a very interesting point of view! I totally agree on the educational perspective at the end of the video 😊

@BorderlinerNotes

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks! Wouldn't it be great if everyone had a little 'personality development' class early on in school just to be introduced to some of these ideas? -p

@leonardodedeo5540

3 жыл бұрын

@@BorderlinerNotes Absolutely, I totally agree! When I attended the secondary school, my professor of Philosophy slightly touched these topics (about the Philosophy of Mind, but not dealing specifically with the theme of "personality"). I hope that these topics will be implemented as well, in the meantime this channel does the job very well 😉...

Will the woman doing the interviewing please introduce herself and what her status is (patient, provider, interested journalist)? The audience doesn't know what's going on. Thank you!

I was diagnosed with "severe anxiety neurosis" and ADHD by 1980 .I am now 54. But I have a 1 page report from 1978 that could have been the textbook definition of BPD... I knew that Anxiety nad ADHD didn't explain everything. I really have the symptoms bad.

For context of my views, I am a male, a couple years from 30 and realized about a month ago I live with BPD. I was introduced to the idea of CBT a few years ago, and it just never fit for me. Understanding my condition now, this makes sense to me. CBT, in my very humble non-educated opinion, would be that CBT would be effective for individuals who do have a sense of self, they just need to build confidence in their process of thinking. They need to unify their thinking and that sense of self, CBT is the mechanism to practice bringing them together. That is ineffective for me. I can think about (and do) something a hundred different ways. I do not need tools in being able to view a situation. I need tools and a process which essentially validate and soothe me as I explore thoughts until what is true remains. For example, I was thinking about shame vs guilt. And how essentially guilt is I did wrong (but there is likely something I can do to correct it) while shame is I am wrong. And how quickly shame spreads in my thoughts. If I start to feel I am wrong, then I think "I am wrong, I should not be here, I don't deserve to be here. You know everyone laughs at you, people talk about you while you're not there, and they laugh." That is a real-time snippet from my head. I do not need a process that has me think logically about that statement. I have thought about those ideas for almost 10 years straight now, and it has kept me stuck. What I need is a process basically just to comfort me. I somewhat dislike having to say that as a male at 30, who of course fantasizes about being a capable man and all the usual bullshit that entails, but what I really need is comfort. Because those previous thoughts I shared, they are horrible. Anyone would need comfort from them. But what I am realizing now, even in just my own self-practice, as I have not had the chance to begin an actual DBT therapy yet, when I comfort myself and give myself some space around what is essentially my own internal voice saying that, I realize that it is nonsensical. That because of it, I do have to "perform" in all my interactions. Because how can one be authentic in a relationship while at the same time internally feeling "Your partner laughs at you, they make fun of you." I think everyone else is putting on some sort of play, but in reality I'm the one putting on the play. And my "play" is total weight of trying to sustain all the paranoid delusions I have, essentially. SO what is my point of this ramble. That from the perspective of someone just realizing their condition, CBT seems effective for those who do have a sense of self (even if it lacks confidence) but need practice in combining that with effective thinking. That isn't useful for me, because I'm missing one half of what is required for that, a healthy sense of self. DBT is effective for those who lack a sense of self and think non-stop, as it provides comforting validation to explore truth until a sense of self naturally develops. That just takes time, patience and care. I would note I'm still talking out of my ass so what do I really know! As usual great video. Always happy to see more of Lois on the channel!

@saraemily7397

2 жыл бұрын

You comment resonated with me. CBT never did a thing for me either. I started taking an online group DBT skills class about 2 months ago, and I love it and am already finding it helpful. I think you would really benefit from DBT, based off what you shared here.

@arabellacox

Жыл бұрын

I am have Bipolar 1 and BPD. I have experienced shame during psychosis. I once believed I'd done a terrible thing and the world wanted me dead! And yet, in reality, I have nothing to feel ashamed of, its others, others who created this hell I live and experience inside my mind and swallow pills for, every night.

Ah! I get SO MUCH out of this channel. Thank you!

I think this is just a wonderful video.

This was an amazing video. I really want to start dbt!

Wow, very relatable. Explains a lot of what is going on with me

I’m 42 & can’t even get out of bed & eat never mind flying a plane. Never felt so low in all my life. Have no friends, nobody. Don’t see a reason to live anymore & DBT did not help. 🥲

@EbonyEnigma13

Жыл бұрын

Same here, I'm 44 & past rock bottom. I've lost everything because I failed to seek treatment earlier in life for this awful disorder. I've been in DBT therapy for 2 months now and I'm still struggling. 😔😔😔 Hope you're doing better now.

@Nightswim_

2 ай бұрын

42 same boat. The DBT therapists are trying to sell me out of the hopelessness but it’s hard. I suspect we are the quiet , people pleasing ones who went under the radar cuz I didn’t act out . Im not even sure of my true diagnoses anymore , but it seems DBT is the only option for multiple disagnoses issues . I also looked into a developmental psychologist who deals with ACES but I may get more out of DBT right now strictly due to the isolation and it’s at least some safe , consistent connection.

What is the tape on the back of your computer? Love the way Lois Choi-Kain speaks, very uniform and calming.

5:45 I totally agree. if I was able to talk about why I was feeling the way I was feeling, able to explore it, whilell it was happening for the 1st time in my existence as a child, it may have made me better Better at regulating my emotions.

I love how she speaks, I love how clearly empathetic she is, and I just cherish hearing her perspective every time you have a video with her. I would be so interested to hear from her what she recommends for people who would like to learn how to develop their personalities. Does she offer a course? I would pay for it. Or if not, any book recs for personality development? Thanks!

Rebbie, what was the lightening bolt in your healing/treatment process?

Personally DBT just soothes the symptoms and does not get down to the nuts and bolts.

@RedOakCrow

3 жыл бұрын

Have you ever tried any kind of bodywork?

@rabooshka101

3 жыл бұрын

@@RedOakCrow I do a lot of breathing exercises but I’m nervous to try the TRE on my own as I really don’t want to re traumatise myself.

@jomymatthews

Жыл бұрын

What is TRE ? But why is DBT is just surface level ?

OMg this video explains treatment so well! I am mind blown!

@BorderlinerNotes

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks! Happy you like it. Isn't Lois amazing at clear explanations?! -p

@catherined6399

3 жыл бұрын

@@BorderlinerNotes Omg she is!

Right, I also felt DBT was good but not able to change me for the time I was in it.

Hah, that angle where Lois is talking to her computer was funny. Totally changed the tone.

I would love to know how often BPD is diagnosed along with Narcissism and how they inter-relate. I think I know a bit about this from other videos. also, if you grow up in family with a lot of stress, violence, well, I guess this would explain in part why BPD develops.

@evakatz6351

2 жыл бұрын

I think this the elephant in the room with BDP. If symptoms are linked to people’s experiences rather than their ‘essence’ this will be transformative for many people suffering with this.

@andrewsmith3257

Жыл бұрын

It's damn near PTSD imo

I watched the video three times. After reading the comments, I feel like I must be missing something. What lightning bolt does DBT (or ANY therapy) deliver ?

This is like saying why a monopod Asian is a loved member of American society

wow.

AGREEEE. TOo bad I can’t afford a great therapist that can help Me. Im 61 and need some BPD help, I am struggeling BAD😭

*sigh why do we believe in curing people rather than allowing them to accept themselves which has to be the mental patients dream.... to accept themself. How can there possibly be a cure for that????????

What was the lightning bolt that hit your soul?

@tadhiatt2627

2 жыл бұрын

I am wondering the same thing.

Conservatism does not mean risk averse. It means stupid averse, and making the same mistake again and again averse. It is the ancient philosophy of citizen soldiers, and soldiers are not risk averse when it is useful or necessary.

Try MBT it's been amazing for me. It's worked!! DBT was a massive fail.

@cjgeminitarot6836

Жыл бұрын

Where were you able to access it?

I agree about BPD being a result rather than a cause. But I don't agree that there is no development into 'mastery'. There is development into controlling others through emotional manipulation. Sure, it's not 'mastery' but it is a way of trying to control the world.

@arabellacox

Жыл бұрын

But it's not a nice world you live in if you feel you have to do this, it's no life either way.

Clear as mud. Don't ever think that therapists know anything.

Nice hair. Nice top!

Huachuma is the way.

How on earth does this therapy work for cPTSI people? When you tell us that everything we have done to cope with assault or abuse is a myth. Way to go, DBT, way to gaslight us some more. You’re hurting the very people you claim to help.

I bet you have helped so many people with bpd. Lol

Her explanation is brilliant! Yet, It was hard to get past the Kardashian style vocal fry and rhythm. It reminded of a SNL sketch where Kristen Wiig makes fun of people who speak this way. 🙈😩🤣

@dylanmcgoldrick9002

2 жыл бұрын

I’ve read most of these comments: this deserves to be at the top

I like the way you use your hands - you don’t even know how to do macro mannerisms let alone - your hair. I’ll trust you once you slice of those hoods over your eyeballs like a k pop star. Same intellect.

Why is it always women?

here because it does not help me