I think you shared this with some of us on a personal level. Thank you and far away virtual hugs.

I so appreciate your honesty. My nephew, who is my very favorite little (and big actually) person is severely autistic. He is seven, still in diapers, uses a pacifier, and is nonverbal. He is also the sweetest little person ever, even though he grabs my boobs every time he sees me. LOL I get very sad for him because he's not getting all the services he would qualify for because his parents are in a bit of denial. His mother told me recently that he is "barely on the scale," which is so obviously untrue. A large part of me wonders if he is aware of his limitations because he is clearly very smart. Sometimes you make me sad because I know my nephew will never achieve any of the things you have achieved, but most of the time I am just blown away by you because, honestly, the only exposure I have to autism is my sweet boy. I'm not sure why I'm telling you all of this, except to say thank you for your honesty. While I don't expect my nephew to come anywhere close to being able to even live on his own, it really helps me when you share your experience. ❤️❤️❤️

I am still conflicted about how i feel about my diagnosis. I was happy ... but also mad because I felt people knew and just didn’t tell me. Thank you for telling your story

@DanTheTortoise

3 жыл бұрын

I think most people around me knew, but obviously they aren't psychologists or psychiatrists carrying out diagnosis so they can't really say. In the field I mainly specialise in and have most experience in - family support work, it was very common that professionals all felt that a child or perhaps a parent was autistic, but they couldn't say much because they weren't qualified to be making that statement. They would rarely say anything to parents they thought might be autistic because they didn't know how the parents would respond and whether they would be offended/get angry, etc. They would be prepared to support the parent and direct them to the relevant services etc if the parent suggested they might be autistic and would like to have an assessment to find out, but they wouldn't suggest it themselves. In relation to children, again, most of the professionals wouldn't tell parents they think a child is autistic, when they aren't qualified to make that judgement, but they would usually try to encourage parents, who have a child perhaps struggling in some way, to seek support from various related professionals to do with the specific challenges, whether it is seeing a school nurse or educational psychologist etc, and they would know that those people would be in a better position to do assessments etc that gradually move towards being able to suggest that perhaps the child is autistic If the parent says they think their child may be autistic, then the professionals would explore this with the parent to see what makes them think this and would support them in seeking a diagnosis. In work I found that most colleagues suspected I was autistic but wouldn't want to say incase I took offense etc and again also because they aren't qualified to make that judgement. Those who thought this generally treated me as if I was autistic. I had one manager who did just come out and tell me they thought I was autistic. This was very helpful and it is a shame that people do feel nervous about doing that because it was helpful to have what I felt validated and respected and to be treated in a way that would work better for me because of this, even without a diagnosis. But then I'm autistic and suspected I was autistic and so would be likely to think this, whereas if I wasn't autistic and didn't suspect I was autistic and thought in the way non-autistic people think I don't know how I would have responded if someone directly told me they thought I was autistic? I assume people's reason for not doing so is because they think about how they would feel if someone told them and they didn't think they were autistic, perhaps they think they would be upset or angry etc, and so don't want to make that mistake and so never say anything? Others, if I ever shared I think I might be autistic, were very dismissive and would accuse me of things like just trying to make excuses for my behaviour, etc. Then there was family and friends, some of whom thought I might be autistic but didn't want to say incase telling me this upset or annoyed me, etc. Many people just know nothing about autism and so they would give their own interpretations about me, like I am rude/hurtful, etc., I don't seem to care about others, I am quite and shy, I believe I'm better than everyone else, I am lazy and try to avoid doing work, I am weird, I am strange, I am creepy, I am arrogant, etc. For many of these people learning I was autistic and then learning about autism through conversations with me helped them to understand that what they saw as me being one way, actually wasn't what they thought. So, me not saying 'how are you?' when I meet people isn't me being rude, me doing my own thing and not joining in isn't me being rude, me not making eye contact isn't me being suspicious or shy or nervous etc, me getting out of doing certain tasks isn't me being lazy, etc. Obviously, there were always some people who dismissed me being autistic and just focused on me being a 'rude, lazy, creepy, arrogant, etc' person and others felt guilty about their opinions etc that they had either towards me or with others behind my back and they apologised for this. So, for me, I was happy I had a diagnosis which gave a neat label to 'me' that I could then share and talk about to help others understand lots of aspects of me I previously would have to try to explain as separate issues, rather than being able to say 'these issues are all because I'm autistic'. I was annoyed that my diagnosis came too late. I sought diagnosis because of workplace bullying and discrimination and got my diagnosis the day after my last day in the job, having lost my job. I was annoyed with those who, after I was diagnosed, would respond to hearing I'm autistic with dismissive opinions, like 'yeah, but everyone is a bit autistic' or 'maybe you aren't and you just have a vitamin deficiency' or 'people saying they are autistic is just people wanting an excuse for bad behaviour', etc. I didn't mind those who thought I was autistic but didn't say anything, because I just assumed that they were too scared to say anything incase they were wrong and upset me, because, given my field of study for over 20 years has been in psychology and mental health etc, I know that this kind of thinking is common where inaction is a common response, like when couples breakup because one is cheating on the other and all that person's friends say 'I thought they were cheating/it was obvious/I saw them cheating/I knew' etc., but they never once spoke up (I had this exact experience where my first wife was cheating on me, she then left me and suddenly all these people were telling me it was obvious, they knew, they didn't want to hurt me, etc. I suspected I was being cheated on and directly asked my wife (girlfriend at the time) and she denied it stating would she be marrying me if she was cheating on me. I trusted her and thought that would be illogical, we married a few months later and she left me a month after getting married. The people who knew I was being cheated on came to the wedding, the person I was being cheated on with was at the wedding. Not once did anyone think to say anything, because they didn't want to 'hurt my feelings', so I know people make what I would see as the wrong decision, but for them they feel they are making that decision for the right reasons, they are seeing hurting my feelings as bad and upsetting etc, whereas not saying something means they are the ones responsible for that. They want me to know, they just don't want to be the one to say it). Anyway, sorry for the long rambling reply... All the best Dan

@allegramuch6420

3 жыл бұрын

@@DanTheTortoise on the contraty, thank you for your “long rambling reply” I really appreciate it :) I do understand that my mom in particular just did not want me to feel odd or different , (one of the reasons she didn’t allow me to skip a grade in grade school) my three friends have been very understanding though. She still doesn’t think it is beneficial for me to have a diagnosis, but hopefully my continued reassurances that I am happy I know will be helpful. My Dad on the otherhand has been very supportive . He might also be on the spectrum but he has never been diagnosed . I find it comforting to know that my meltdowns aren’t temper tantrums, I just cant handle all the excess stimuli. Knowing that has helped me to know when I need to get out of a situation... It’s also nice to know that im not strange or odd, but I have a brain that simply works differently . It’s nice not to feel like an alien! Anyways,I aprecciate you taking the time to reply to me and sharing your story! You have helped me a lot because I happened to find your youtube channel immediately after being diagnosed

It’s so sad and frustrating that there are so many stereotypes surrounding both neuro-divergents and mental health