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Silent treatment is all about control!!

Don’t engage with the person that is doing the silent treatment it’s a form of abuse

@nylaspeaks7272

5 жыл бұрын

Hist Ory Good stay away I don’t like that passive aggressive nonsense...they are looking for a reaction...don’t respond ignore

@amazonqueen5694

5 жыл бұрын

I have a person at work giving me the silent treatment I just ignore and stay away her

@oshensview

3 жыл бұрын

No it's not abuse. People who say it's abuse are just insecure. There's no greater sign of someone not wanting to talk, than not talking. Also, if someone ignores just leave them alone. I hate when people keep trying to talk to me when I ignore them because I sincerely despise them and don't want to deal with them.

@nylaspeaks7272

3 жыл бұрын

O'Shen's View it’s carnival season but I got a comment for you but right now me wine

@oshensview

3 жыл бұрын

@@nylaspeaks7272 Is the comment gonna be super long? Simplicity gets it.

This should be taught in school. Emotional abuse is often overlooked.

@sunshine-sm6nf

4 жыл бұрын

yes, thinking what I would tell a child , ask what is wrong and if they keep giving you the silent treatment, find someone else to play with!

@wintermatherne2524

7 ай бұрын

Manners should be taught by parents. The schools job is reading, writing, and arithmetic.

When a person gives me the silent treatment, I usually like to permanently grant their wish. I won't be held emotionally hostage. Either communicate with me like an adult, or I will be done with the situation.

Great video! The one thing I have to disagree with is telling them ‘when you’re ready I’m here’. If they are using silence as punishment, then you remove yourself and then YOU decide when you’re ready to talk to them again, since they were the ones that started this passive aggressive ‘attack’. They don’t get to have that power

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Monika, it's really not about power in this particular instance and it isn't about your punishing them by doing to them what they did to you. You can't cast out darkness with more darkness.

@noeldee9236

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords as far as I knew everything was ok until it had been months than I asked if she was coming to visit as I moved states and she said in June . Than I hear nothing at all . No communication at all as to why . This is the second time and I refuse to go through this again .

I find emotional abuse worse than physical abuse.I have been thru both of them.

@sarita4021

Жыл бұрын

I agree! I have been through both too

@iramsavir5631

Жыл бұрын

Indeed it is. Nothing hurts as much as heartbreak.

Passive aggression is indeed aggression. Got no patience for this type of behavior, and have more respect for ppl who speak up their mind (while civil) to work out differences.

I think there is a difference between someone who needs time to think (be silent to think properly) and using silence against someone to punish them.

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

Absolutely and I hope I addressed that sufficiently throughout the video. There is all the difference in the world between these two things. Dan

@deegeorge1020

5 жыл бұрын

Michele....agree but that has to be communicated in a loving and respectful way and a timeline should be shared and honoured.

@yotheophilus5979

4 жыл бұрын

agreed. If someone brings something heavy to me, I need time to process that, and I find that just saying that I received the letter or voicemail, etc, but I need a few days to respond works best for me. I’m a communicator but when too much is stacked up at one time, I slow down.

@Kenyagirly

4 жыл бұрын

He could have just said that he needed time to think about it lol

@monikathomas4985

2 жыл бұрын

Yes in the first case they would typically communicate to you that they need some time, which is absolutely fine. But you can usually tell when someone is using silence to punish you, which is not fine

My mother did this to me for up to two weeks at a time when I was a child....along with physical abuse. I'm 55 years old now and realize that I frequently see myself and respond like a victim. IDK how to get through this. I find human interaction so threatening and painful. I have learned to be alone most of the time. That way I am not stressed by other people.

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

Michelle, of one thing I am certain, and it's the hardest thing to do in these situations--if you can work on forgiving your mother, it will relieve you of a great burden. Yours is a heartbreaking story and one that is repeated all too often. Unfortunately, broken people make for broken parents. And the result can be damaged children, unless you take control and refuse to be a victim. If you need help in getting away from victimhood, go for it. Please, don't give up. 55 is young and way too young to have to learn to be alone. Dan

@mojamurphy4905

6 жыл бұрын

Dan, Thanks for your response. It feels good to be heard. I won't stop trying to heal. I'm just tired and a little overwhelmed by people today. I love your videos. They are important to me. Thanks for helping. Big big hugs.

@MsBettyRubble

6 жыл бұрын

Michele, you are not alone! Same thing happened in my family. I struggled with forgiving my mother for decades because I couldn't find a way to do it that lasted. Look up Mario Martinez. He has a great technique for forgiveness that's helped me so much! I hope it can help you too.

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

Hi MsBettyR: I'm going to look up Mario Martinez as well. Forgiveness is important to health and happiness. I'd be happy to learn all I can on this topic. Thank you for taking a moment to respond to Michele. (I was eavesdropping.) Dan

@bookmouse770

6 жыл бұрын

I got this from my mother as well......then when my x did this I couldn't take it, I understand.

Walk out the door and never look back. I won't put up with that kind of nonsense!

@TheWizardOfWords

5 жыл бұрын

Hi Carol: Sometimes it's not that simple--e.g. when the father of your children uses the silent treatment, or when your children themselves use the silent treatment or when your boss uses it. You might want to put a stop to the "treatment" while maintaining the relationship. Walking out the door is easy, but it's not always best.

@McFraneth

3 жыл бұрын

Lucky you for being economically independent and with your own lovely home. I'm not.

@SusanaXpeace2u

3 жыл бұрын

@@McFraneth yes, you have to detach from caring about it while still being under the same roof. Not easy but if you've nowhere to go and no money when you get there, the only solution is to train yourself to not care that this one person in your life is not embarrassed to act in such a passive aggressive way. Good luck x

I had a friend who took me to dinner and during that time he just decided to shut down and give me the silent treatment. I don't know why, but I never went back it felt creepy and abusive and he had no clue that that was creepy and abusive. He thought that's just how he gets his way . I've never seen him since even though he's calling. That's something I don't want in my life. When a person is new to me, I meet them at the destination/restaurant just in case.

Wow! Worked right away. I had unintentionally offended my bf and didn't know it. That's why he shut down, stopped talking to me. I used your advice and within less than a half hour he contacted me and we had a conversation about what happened. I apologized and told him that I wish he just would have told me that I had offended him. He told me that he needed time to calm down so he didn't say things out of anger. We talked about being respectful to one another going forward. And we are on the same page now, back to the I love you's 😍

@TheWizardOfWords

5 жыл бұрын

Wonderful to hear Oh For. Thanks for letting me know :) Dan

I love this strategy, and wish I hard learned prior to being a victim of this abuse for a WHOLE YEAR by a coworker at a former employer. I would also add that if you have this conversation in private first and they don’t stop, you may need to ask a mediator (supervisor, HR, etc.) to be present for a second conversation.

I resort to silence a lot as people tend to talk too much over the top of me. I'm glad you addressed that side of the problem as well since it tends to be a habit for a lot of people I work with.

@staceykersting705

6 жыл бұрын

Me, too! If ppl interrupt, I'll immediately stop, even mid-word. Usually gets their attention, and they allow me to continue.

@sharkitty

5 жыл бұрын

I can relate!

@billybatchelor2863

3 жыл бұрын

When someone starts interrupting you when you're talking, don't stop talking until you finish your statement. I tried it and it works.

@heatherconway2032

Жыл бұрын

But technically this not “the silent treatment”-that’s different.

Oh s#$t! I’m a disher of the silent treatment! Gotta figure out how to stop being this way. I didn’t know it was so abusive.......very Eye opening!

@MsBettyRubble

6 жыл бұрын

Good for you for seeing an opportunity to improve and take action! That's awesome and a beautiful trait to have.

@eliezeretecap

6 жыл бұрын

The silent treatment is standard female behaviour, specially younger women love to do this type of bullshit drama. Instead of communicating what's wrong or what's upseting them they expect everyone else to read their minds.

@smoochypooh7700

6 жыл бұрын

Eliezer Well, I’m not young by any means! Just repeating the same thing I saw growing up. On this channel to gain knowledge and continue to improve in this life. It’s not a dress rehearsal so I’ll do what I can to learn and grow so that I can pass it on within my own circle of influence - and so on.

@knottydizziedevil9425

6 жыл бұрын

Eliezer I've seen pleanty of men do this, don't hate we are all here to learn how to be better :)

@GS-st9ns

6 жыл бұрын

Amy Tupper that is big of you to admit that you're a giver of the silent treatment. But, I wonder do you know why you're giving that silent treatment? I have met people who do give the treatment, but I never asked why. I guess I didn't like them enough to care so I moved on, but won't always meet a person I don't care about enough. Adults anyway. I'm a lot better with children

Also, narcissists are good at this

@oregonangel1962

4 жыл бұрын

Silent Treatment z the NARCISSISTS SPECIALTY!!!

@theultimateman7231

4 жыл бұрын

A narcissists is great at this

@Kimosabe-

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, yet they cannot bear it when you do it to them. Sweetest revenge on earth against the demons.

A 4 year old I work with said it perfectly when a child would not talk to her, she said IT IS MEAN!

this is good, but the problem is when you're married with small children you sometimes can't leave, have nowhere else to go, or don't want to wake up small children to take them with. Then it becomes a decisionmaking time if one should get a divorce or not if this keeps happening over and over. This is very serious, and this is what did cause me to leave my husband in the first place. Noone understands the reasoning since they didn't physically harm you.....emotional abuse is just as real.

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

Hi Bookmouse: I think more and more people are finally beginning to understand that this is a form of abuse and can be terrible to live with--especially if it is a spouse or a parent who is RELENTLESSLY giving you the silent treatment. And you are right that it becomes a much bigger problem when you are married with children, and can't easily give distance to the relationship. I'm happy for you that you ultimately were able to distance yourself from a spouse that would continually do this to you.

@bbearsmama

5 жыл бұрын

bookmouse770- I am so sorry you are in this position. Do you see a time in the foreseeable future when you CAN leave and be financially independent from your husband? Does he do this to your children? THAT is the dealbreaker right there for me-I won't put up with much concerning myself-but when it comes to my kids-NO WAY! This is so damaging to who they are and damages their feeling of self-worth. I am not in your shoes-but I know that I would not be able to tolerate it from my perspective. I would search for a way out and also get your kids into counseling. Would your husband go into counseling? I'm sure he doesn't think there's a problem. But you do have some degree of control. If there is not a way for you to be financially independent right now-start making plans for ways to be independent in the future when your kids are older. Meanwhile-take care of YOU and your kids. Seek counseling-read books on this matter and EMPOWER yourself and KNOW that you and your precious children do not deserve this.

@ByeBye-yx6ym

4 жыл бұрын

Glad you left. It doesn’t get better just longer

@pbtconsultants1761

4 жыл бұрын

bookmouse770 i know exactly how u feel.

@bernieoconnell5515

Ай бұрын

Absolutely.

This is a very great video, I have experienced this before and it hurts really bad. Growing up and in a relationship.

I really appreciate your videos Dan (recent subscriber!) and am learning SO much (especially from the specific scripts and examples you give) about how to deal with more "normal" people (i.e. non personality disordered). At the same time I can relate to many of the comments from folks here who are in relationships with cluster B personality types, having been married to one (and unfortunately, for me, with whom I currently 'co parent') and also raised by parents who have many traits of narcissism/emotional immaturity. Many years of therapy and continued hard work. Your video would have been hard for me to swallow a few years ago and might have set me toward further harm with people around me at that time. I have skimmed through some of the comments and can relate to folks who may be triggered by this video. Discerning who you are dealing with and their patterns of behaviour is so key. I have a great job (and very fortunate as single moms go I realize) but I find I struggle greatly with navigating the 'normal' social stuff that comes along in work settings and friendships. Asserting myself and bringing "me" out more verbally is hard to do. Would love to see more videos on this. I am glad to continue my personal development with you. KZread rocks.

This is such a priceless advice!!! Thank you so much

Yep I did. I have just pulled myself away completely. Our relationship is totally broken down.

I don’t speak to some people at work unless it’s business because I will not tolerate their innuendos and backwards insults. I give them a few chances, then when I realize it will continue, I distance as far as possible. I think this is healthy for me.

@TheWizardOfWords

4 жыл бұрын

I think it's healthy for ANYONE who can distance themselves from toxicity to do so. I'm with you :)

Wow! I really needed to hear this! Ty Dan!

wow!! you have a Way with words. Thanks for the Communication inhansment. You are Fantastic👌

Thank you for sharing your knowledge to us! I love your dedication and passion in your videos. Thank you so much Dan. God bless you and your family.

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much, Rainebow, and blessings to you and your family as well.

Thank you Dr. Dan - this is so educational. Hope you are in the schools to educate young people.

Thank you Dan for this video.

I do leave after a week of silent treatment. But I left forever

@amandakropen3273

2 жыл бұрын

I did too!

I love love love your videos! I’m learning so much from them! Thank you! My parents did the silent treatment to each other growing up. It was awkward, weird and as an adult I do too, when someone insults me or embarrasses me or makes me mad. I shut down till I cool off. I hate the awkwardness. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I never knew it was emotional abuse. I always pray nobody notices that I’m not speaking to a certain person but they always do! Thank you for letting us know there are better ways of dealing with people!

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

Marisela, if someone is embarrassing or insulting you , and you walk away until you cool off, that is not emotional abuse. Now if you come back and don't speak to them for a MONTH, I'd say that is not a communication technique; it's shutting down and you would be better served by addressing the issue with the person who was insulting you. You could use a spotlight question such as "Was it your intent to embarrass me?" and my guess is that will lead to apologies all around. I apologize for not making it clear that if someone is digging at you, and you feel like blowing up, it is a very very good idea to step away from the conversation--but when you return, don't employ the silent treatment. I hope I've clarified my own thinking on this, Marisela. Thanks for writing and giving me a chance to be clearer. Dan

This is so true and so helpful. Thank you.

Dan, you know amazing things - thanks for sharing them!

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Happy to share them, Phil. And please feel free to pass them on :)

You have become more than I a teacher to me but more I love you and thank you for your love unrestrained and so thorough in your diligence . Remember who you are... Remember who you are.... Yess Dan O'Connor does

Very helpful and presented in a clear concrete set of steps. Thank You!

I told a significant person that when they did ABC (a criticism about my character) I felt hurt. It happened while my mom was on her death bed, & I was not able to be in my normal mode of helping support for that particular needy friend. I was honest and not hurtful at all. For 8 days the person gave the silent treatment, ignored what I shared. Instead of continuing to wait for response I sent a question asking if they were going to respond to it or not. Response was “no, I’m not going to respond, because I’m too hurt by ‘what you said’ “. Whole thing was flipped into me as being the offender. Since this person had continuously acted like the victim in just about all their relationships they’ve explained having with dozens of others, and I habitually had been the giver, the comforter, the main encourager, I should not have been surprised by the flip. But when I acted surprised that once again they not only played the victim but used that moment to manipulate, and play mind reader, throwing whopper insults, whopper accusations, and then basically telling me to “have a nice life” along with “goodbye” and that they were no longer going to be a “punching bag”, the accusations were so many and so very very far from reality that I was not able to respond. I did not have a history of speaking badly to the person, I was not selfish, I was not condescending, impatient, or unkind. All I could say to that friend that I had not ever had a conflict with in 12 years is “I got it. OK.”.i later received a tacky Christian self help video that introduced me to Jesus, “the one you’ve been waiting for all your life”. The sender knew I had been a string believer in Jesus for nearly 20 years. It was a passive aggressive insult to top off the others. I didn’t respond. I never heard back from them and it’s been one year. My mom died but that long time friend never asked if she made it out of ICU. All I could gather was that that friend was not as good of friend as they had liked to frequently tout the friendship was. It seemed to work only when they were on the receiving end of getting personal support from me. But whole thing flipped when I was in a place of needing compassion and understanding. I could have chased after them and tried to fix things but it appeared to be something that would likely repeat. I said my own goodbyes without any contact and I don’t believe it would be wise to go back. They made a choice to cut off the relationship without having one in person conversation. I guess I let them know that I heard them and I accepted what they said basically.

Wow...you have given me such knowledge thank you so very much

Thank u so much for this insightful gentle yet firm approach

I needed this, my niece and nephew and uncle and both has done this to me. For years now and i felt the ways you have said my mom also did to my sister's and I ty so much for posting these you have been giving me peace that i have been looking for ❤ you are a a blessing i needed

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

Thank you WE. Your comment means a great deal to me. Dan

@usa4287

5 жыл бұрын

Hi, Dan. I've read some of your replies to the unpleasant comments, and your words just proved how you truly practice what you preach. You're such a great example for all of us, and I'm super grateful that I found your channel. Thank you for all that you do!!!!

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

Many thanks, Jaz.😏

Silent treatment is a form of sulking. I usually say "Are you sulking now?" If I get no answer, then I say "I'll take that as a yes. So I'm out of here because if you can't tell me what I have done to make you sulk, then I am not interested." Then I leave. That usually provokes a reaction.😉 Aternatively, I say "Oh good. The silent treatment. Now I can get a word in edgeways" and then just laugh and carry on as normal. I use humour to defuse situations. It works, mostly.

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

rymd, you are not putting up with it, and that's the main thing. It sounds as though you've found a pattern that works for you! Dan

@ram1brn

6 жыл бұрын

you are an abuser

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

Really? I see it differently. Can you tell me ram1brn why you would say that to rymd pojke??

@plerpplerp5599

6 жыл бұрын

I just find that kind of behaviour disrespectful, childish and annoying. I choose not to tolerate it. If someone upsets me, I tell them. Behaving like an adult is the best option. There is no need to sulk. However, behaving like an adult does not mean behaving like someone's reprimanding parent either. At the end of the day, no one can make you FEEL ANYTHING. You do have a choice in how you react. Of course, we are all different: just because I would not behave in a certain way does not mean that other people would not or should not.

@GoldhartStudio

5 жыл бұрын

You can simply say that you see, that the person is not ready to all and that you will talk to them , whenever they are ready. Then you leave and do not come back. As you do the same thing over and over again, it obviously does not work, the more so you let another person to control the situation a d that it is exactly what a narc wants. Just say that YOU are leaving and YOU will be ready to talk to them . And if you say it with a light heart and loving attitude, you will show how it should be. But if you state that HE /SHE gives you silent treatment, they just see that they got you. And they really did.

I'm so happy I discovered your channel. I'm a Resident in Marriage and Family Therapy, and your channel provides wonderful insight into specific situations. Subscribed!

Very good video. I wish I had this info sometime ago but I am glad that I have it now

Thanks, very helpful

Thank you. I have been having communication difficulties with my mother. Very fustratiing. I been avoiding her in order not to argue. Thank you for this very much appreciated information.

Yes! Finally a good video. I was sick of hear other unprofessional advice on youtube ranting and saying "just leave", "ignore them", etc. Thats not effective communication either, but just mirroring the same behavior.

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

Your videos are gold. So much wisdom that is grounded in reality.

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

Many thanks, Drumming.

Thanks so much for the Silent treatment answers.

I don’t know. I often stop engaging in conversation with a particular person in my life because it does, in fact follow a pattern. They are extremely forceful and relentless about their opinions that I feel my options are 1) agree with them entirely, 2) get into a giant fight or 3) stop engaging. I end up just closing off entirely, not to be abusive, but rather to protect my own mental health. I’ll usually murmur something like, “I see that you feel strongly about that,” and then try to change the subject to something benign. It’s exhausting.

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

Lynn, you're not describing the silent treatment. You are simply withdrawing for self-preservation--not intending to be hurtful. You are not punishing.

I'm so glad I found your channel! Great and very helpful content!

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

Happy we found each other, GG.

Excellent advice

you are the greatest thanks i needed that

I have a friend like this,she used to get always this "my way".but now i stopped reaching out and i'm done.

Absolutely perfect advice. Thank you very much.

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

It sounds as though you might have some experience with this situation, Rose?

Great point bro thank you so much

The silent treatment is a weak person's ammo. It's someone who has poor communication skills. It's NOT a highly intelligent individual.

@PsychedPerspective

3 жыл бұрын

This! Weak, Poor, Immature and Pathetic.

@thenewyorkcitizen

2 жыл бұрын

I disagree. The silent treatment should be used as a last resort. If someone does not respond to respectful behavior and you have been fair. I use this tactic when someone is treating me me as if I am an endless source of patience and understanding.

@island661

2 жыл бұрын

@@thenewyorkcitizen Agree, but that's a different circumstance.

@nickw22689

2 жыл бұрын

@@thenewyorkcitizen we call those people energy vampires

@amandakropen3273

2 жыл бұрын

No kidding! Dumber that a doorknob!!

Ok im glad there is a difference im watching all your videos Thanks

❤ this is hands down the best video I’ve seen. Thank you for the helpful details.

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

You are so welcome!

Your awesome, I think you’re one of my favorite people EVER

Thank you 🙏🏻

Dan the answer man!

I relate to this, all of this so much. I have (the last few years) become the relentless person; as well as having always been... well, the other.😓 I like the way you impart your message. So many people do so many videos online; sometimes i just don't vibe with the person or their advice. I appreciate your straightforward approach. Thank you.

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing, Kimberley. I try to give words, not theory, because this isn't a class; there is no test; there is only life.

Whether its good or bad, you don’t know. I love your honesty

Timeless advice from a very wise person. Thank you for improving our lives and giving us peace and strength. 💕

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

You're welcome Jay. My message is one of peace, strength and mindfulness through communication.

@zaramalik799

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords long distance relationship he gives me silent treatment bht with small text like yes no ok or good morning goodnight and when i confront him he said nothing happened i am not give you a silent treatment so my question is what was that

Excellent explanation

Best advice hands down on the net! Genius. TY

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

You are welcome, Vaughn and I hope you share these videos :)

Dope Video! Sending blessing your way, Keep inspiring!🎒🙌🏻

Thank you

Funny enough, this happened yesterday between my mom and I- perfect timing , Daniel, thank you a bunch!

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

You are most welcome! Daniel

Just subscribed, please more videos like this one. Yay!

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

I absolutely will be making more videos like this one DTOHP. Dan

Wow this is so powerful. You are amazing. I got it. You almost make me cry. I was wondering why I been hurting so much. My chest hurts he gave the silent treatment last weekend. It was horrible he is a person I been talking for 9 months. And he didn't talk w me for 3 days. And I felt horrible my chest was hurting I became hopeless. I felt anxious I felt literary my heart was hurting me. And I been hurting and praying and praying and praying. This really hurts me. I been doing a lot a research. But today I found your video. And you are the only one that talks about. The chemicals release and it is true. I been feeling like a victim. Thank you so much. God bless you. And thank you for the revelation. Praise God.

Dan, I just found your channel recently and it is so very interesting. Sometimes, when it comes to communication, we may be dealing with undiagnosed autism or nonverbal issues. Some people with these issues are functional in other areas. Some Introverts, from what I read, get exhausted around people. Am not medical person - only what I read from some experts.

THANK YOU.

Job well done

I am Learning so much from YOUR Videos !!! Thank You 👍

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

Glad to hear that!

omg I luv this guy, wow , I've been taught so many verbal skills!

@TheWizardOfWords

5 жыл бұрын

Thanks Tina. It's gratifying to wrap up the year with this comment! Dan

Thanks so much for getting into the subject and the point quickly & upfront! Ive had 3x 3 women just coldly not speak permanently but was leaving both jobs (years inbetween) and I left with nose in air, smiled, waved to others not them & left. I had given both the option to tell me what I did & both ignored me. The one later saw me in town & bent over backwards being nice so I forgave her & we parted in peace. So recently a friendly tenant suddenly ghosted me to my face, but when she saw I was annoyed with her longterm leaking drains, aggressively asked me if I had a problem, I freaked out and let her have it, bad language & all & stormed inside. Im always sorry when I lose my temper but I know what she was doing for months, normally I would apologise but she knows what she was doing. Her little boy age 7 waved to me - behind his mom's back yesterday and I waved surreptitiously back from my door lol Said woman is 37 and Im 68. I felt from the first day I moved here that she wanted my place for her friend or someone else. So sad too bad Im not budging. Let it be

Great tips. ✌

I just found you, and it is the perfect time, I have a lot of marital issues due to a very abusive mother in law, I am not talking to my husband bc he doesn't know how to talk without yield

Thanks so much! I want to forward this to someone who needs it so bad.

@AmazingAutist

6 жыл бұрын

Ivy McKinney Then do so.

@clairee4939

6 жыл бұрын

Chuckle...you're like me, maybe. I can get quite sanctimonious in an argument. I am trying to be more honest with myself about my feelings and this tendemcy to do this

Great video Dan! My girlfriend used to do this a lot and I would make me feel hurt, and my muscles would cramp up with frustration.

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

Yes, if one partner in a relationship does this--and that is very common, it's tough to move forward until the behavior changes. It's as hurtful as yelling, if not more-so.

Thanks very much for your teaching in the Silence treatment now I realize its in fact a kind of psychological abuse which I know something is wrong but can’t put into words. In social group I just block n delete the person when I feel enough is enough of him/her. The moment I delete them out of my social chat, I feel so much better. Now I learnt its called Detachment technique. Often you don’t have a chance to explain yourself because the other person would always argue they do nothing wrong to upset you.

Im speaking from a personal level. And yes...its that simple!

Thank you 🙏

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

You’re welcome 😊

Thanks!

@TheWizardOfWords

11 ай бұрын

Many thanks, Margoh!

Brilliant.

Wow. So true. A communication “weapon”! I have someone in my life who has used this tactic and I never knew how to handle it, but now I do. Thanks so much, one of your most helpful videos and trust me I know I’ve watched dozens already!

@bbearsmama

5 жыл бұрын

Yes! Calling it a communication "weapon" was spot-on! That's exactly what it is. :( People who think they are gaining some measure of control by doing this are doing exactly the opposite. Over time, they will find that they repel others and will lack a true connection with their loved ones (or anyone). Life really doesn't have to be that hard. Just talk it out when ready or simply agree to disagree. Spend your "now" moments with people who truly understand how to enjoy life.

good advice... thanks

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

You're welcome R Jackson. If you would like more videos such as this one, keep checking out the 250 I've posted on KZread, and when you want MORE, go to my website www.danoconnortraining.com/ and download the 10 Power/Danger phrases you'll find there for free when you subscribe. Thanks for taking a moment to comment. Dan

It's not always possible to remove yourself from the room. Sometimes both individuals need to be there because of work or whatnot. I think it's important to discern the situation and often, simply going about your own business is best.

this is good tips if your dealing with a normal person... (to say to a narcissist that the silent treatment is a form of abuse would be to admit that they are doing things right.)

@TheWizardOfWords

5 жыл бұрын

True, the surfin. But if you're dealing with a true narcissist, I'd have to wonder what benefit you are getting from the relationship in the first place.

@thesurfinsuricate

5 жыл бұрын

​@@TheWizardOfWordsTo be fair your video didn't mention narcissist, i just got directed here after watching some clips about narcs. In first place / the benefits... Of course you don't get any benefits, you get misery and you will be tired. But sadly sometimes life can be a bit complex... I guess those that are in a relationship and isn't to tied up (e.g. children), if you suspect your partner to be a narcissist - Run! But even in that (easy) case I think it's still easier said than done to leave. The narcissist is a maestro at this game and if he or she doesn't wont you to leave there will be a no holds barred fight. Everything you are, everything you said, what you like/ dislike, your friends and family, guess even threats in some cases will be used against you... But yes I agree - Run, it's better to take some damage and be free. Lick your wounds... When it comes to a family member a parent in my case, it can be a bit more tricky to leave. First of all your life can be intertwined, area, relatives and so on. Second you have been programmed since childhood to put yourself on hold, it can be hard to break that habit. Third I my case the times i have broken contact I have been forced to break not only with the narcissist but also a big chunk of my family. If your okay with that, well it doesn't stop there, no - e.g. when i was a kid my pet cat might "run away" some days after I had told my parent to f*** off (guess hidden and looked away in the basement). Parent - will you help me to search for the kitten? As a kid it can be hard to be hard and say - f*** that kitten, I don't care. As a grown up my grandfather / grandmother might have a well-timed stroke and had to go by ambulance to hospital, (both where victims, they lived in fear and danced to the narcissist every tune, they could have a fake stroke on demand (they had some real strokes also, hard to know from start when real, when fake)). And even if it isn't fake e.g. this autumn my grandmother died, when rest-home called to say i needed to come, yes i guess i had a choice be a cold bastard and say screw it I wont hold her hand the last week because that means i have to met my narcissistic parent, but then its the legal stuff, estate inventory and that you cant escape... Yada, yada, yada... Breaking with a family member isn't impossible but it can be hard, trust me, I live like 8 hour drive away and its still hard. (And even when I've gone on a five year radio silence, that isn't a victory it's a tragedy). Again this is life and life can sometimes be a bit complex...

@TheWizardOfWords

5 жыл бұрын

@@thesurfinsuricate You are so right; I simplified the matter. There are situations in which running would be to your detriment, so you have to learn to defend yourself from the narcissist getting into your head. I do hope you can find a professional to help you cope because you just outlined a TON of relationship challenges. Please seek the help of someone you can trust and talk to on a regular basis. You can't change the narcissist so you have to change how you're seeing him/her and how you are reacting. You can only change YOU (which you no doubt already know by now) but it sounds as though you need some help doing this, before you drive yourself bat sh** crazy.

@thesurfinsuricate

5 жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords No problemo! Thankfully i manage to cope, haven't gone bananas yet hehe ;) Loots of people have it far worse than me. -Change how you're seeing him/her, so true. -You can only change YOU, also true. thx and best regards from Europe.

I used this strategy with my friend. It feels so empowering. When you do this......I am ready. Everything on the internet says if they ignore you then they are a narassist. You have me given me hope and hopefully a healthy friendship.

Thank you, fantastic content as usual and extremely useful. You are amazing. I am curious though - what if you live in the same house and they keep on giving you the silent treatment ?

@bbearsmama

5 жыл бұрын

If you are an adult and this person truly does not care about changing-then one of you leaving would be the "ideal" way to deal with it. Most of all-do NOT let this person treat your children in this manner.

I had a ex who would do the silent treatment, I would say What's wrong? Then after a time,he would Nothing don't worry about!,Then I would say oh good I'm glad I don't have to worry about it,see you later!..Got rid of that one ASAP.

Brilliant 🎉

Its good to know found this video just now this is what i deald in the past! Not any more thoe ...

Congratulations! Over 100000 subs!

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

Thanks Cosmo! I'm happy with that number, and would like to double it ASAP, so feel free to send my videos around to anyone you know! :) Dan

I love this

@escarlit

4 жыл бұрын

i don’t know if dan has any content about mincing trolls in real time, but he does have a lot of stuff on handling rude or inappropriate comments. i’m sure those tips are applicable to your situation.

Thank you for speaking the Truth! It is emotional abuse.

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

Oh yes, no doubt about it. It can be worse than being yelled at. When people are in the heat of argument or discussion (or passion) they still care. Once the ice of a true silent treatment enters the relationship, there is serious repair work to be done--if it's not too late.

@vinitasutralerajadhyax176

Жыл бұрын

Yes it is. I am a bubbly and chirpy person..mostly full of enthusiasm. My enthusiasm and energy is received warmly by most people. I would not name them but some of my closest people often would give me silent treatment and unknowingly I allowed it to seep in. It's dangerous, request everyone to be careful. Its a abuse. Remember even people you love are not allowed to abuse you. God bless you for this information.. you put out. It is life saving.

Purrfect reminder!! Always very helpful and so purrfectly timed! Just happened this morning, and I feel I handled it less than graciously. I stated; Really? No comment is your response? I'm done here. I did not redirect at all and I am certain that was interpreted as being angry or snippy verses frustrated and hurt. It is very difficult to back track and redirect correctly with the missed opportunity. However, that is on me, not the other party. Again, thank you!

@staceykersting705

6 жыл бұрын

Wow...I'd say u nailed it! I'm thinking sometimes, if ur too open, and reveal your hurt n frustration, it cd be a big win for certain ppl. ps...I'm not really qualified to identify narcissistic behavior, but it IS a fascinating research topic.

Ostracision is obviously abusive, I don't know why people don't understand that. In my case i used to feel like there was something wrong with me for constantly being ignored. Then i got some cognitive behavioral training and found self esteem through it. Now whenever I'm ignored i just distance myself from the offender instead of hating myself for their bullshit.

@GoldhartStudio

5 жыл бұрын

They do understand, that is why they are doing that.

@nevilleboone8

5 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this response.

@rohithreddy75

4 жыл бұрын

No its a form of power tactic,Thats why real power is not depending or not needing people. That is what spirituality is.