Please support Adamandeve.com and use the code FD50 for 50% off your purchase. KZread doesn't want your boy to sell certain things so I'm putting this in the pinned comment cause otherwise the video might get demonetized again.

@mjolninja9358

Жыл бұрын

F.D

@fmlAllthetime

Жыл бұрын

That thumbnail tho! 🥵 Lol

@lefu87williford55

Жыл бұрын

The way you talk about guys who get to have sex vs. guys who get to be in a relationship reminds me of the Madonna-Whore Complex.

@coyoteblue4027

Жыл бұрын

Nah fam I could handle Brittney Renner. Easy peasy, first off I wouldn't be saying some dumb shit like whatever fresh and fit did...

@ThePrototype047

Жыл бұрын

A criticism I'm going to put down here is whenever they talk about the left in general not giving advice to men just know that that advice comes in after the hour-mark of this video after you already mentioned several times that the people that needed this advice the most have already clicked off of it. I know you're not professing to be that guy, just a bit of perspective I'm seeing.

As a trans woman, my biggest take away from this video is that the 80's were 40 years ago, not 20 years ago, and I am become ancient.

@jonathanschweiss316

Жыл бұрын

1980 always feels like it was 20 years ago to me. Not sure why. I was born in '91, and I can't stand most 80's kitsch.

@OrinSorinson

Жыл бұрын

no... 😧😖🔥💀

@AWildAraAppears

Жыл бұрын

@@jonathanschweiss316'91 Here as well. Sometimes it feels like my internal clock just stopped at 2000.

@Skag_Sisyphus

Жыл бұрын

Oh god....oh god no... How did this happen?!

@qwandary

Жыл бұрын

@@jonathanschweiss316 I think the turn of the century kinda messes with your head. I constantly feel like we're closer to 2000 than we are to like 2030 or whatever. I constantly feel like we're in 2003 until my achey bones kindly remind me of the yr haha

“The real red pill is becoming aware of how society lies to boys in order to convince them to self-mutilate their humanity in the hopes that this will allow them to be better, stronger men.” This is such a great line brother

@--------RR007----------

Жыл бұрын

This quote is moronic. His baseline definition of masculinity is wrong.

@thehumanbackpack6374

Жыл бұрын

I thought red pill was just acknowledging women's hypergamy lol

@lv2756

Жыл бұрын

@@thehumanbackpack6374acknowledging hypergamy alone is not going to help you in dating at all. At all. That’s one of the major themes in the video.

@Pizzastealingninja

Жыл бұрын

Gave me chills fr

@reneedailey1696

Жыл бұрын

@@thehumanbackpack6374 According to manosphere types, yes. The penchant for making up pithy terms and phrases doesn't seem to be helping the men who fall into this ideology happier; I don't understand the point or appeal of it.

God that story about Andrew Tate's father flying into a rage over his sons simply commenting on their own hair, ending up with his mother calling the police on him...followed up with Tate calling his father a "great man" is straight up harrowing.

@alastorcorvus

10 ай бұрын

is any one really surprised that he ended up being an abuser? it's like a walking red flag.

@jacobhafar538

10 ай бұрын

⁠@@alastorcorvusnobody’s surprised at the way he turned out, it’s just that you’ve got some useful idiots that don’t think he’s an abuser at all. Tho tbh that is ten times more of a problem smfh

@mikesavino8545

8 ай бұрын

as a chess fan, Emory Tate giving us Andrew Tate is the second worst thing about chess after Bobby Fischer's Nazi turn.

@pollysshore2539

5 ай бұрын

People can have complex relationships with their parents in the face of abuse. He is definitely a prime example of this. I was perplexed about the way my dad talked about his father at times when I was growing up but I also understood it. He was proud of the fact that his dad was a WWII hero but WWII ultimately did him in. He came back from the war a shell of his former self, became a raging alcoholic and was physically abusive toward my grandmother, my dad and his eldest daughter (my dad’s older sister). It was a common story. My dad was also the first to tell you he was a massive POS, often, but WWII hero was the only good thing he had to hang onto. * He also experienced combat PTSD himself and I think that gave him some level of insight into part of what was going on in his dads head though it was no excuse. Tate celebrating his dad for abusive rhetoric and behavior shows there probably wasn’t much else. I don’t have sympathy for him though. He’s messed up at every turn and that is on him. I am frustrated by the fact that so many people believe in trafficking fantasies involving abductions but they can’t recognize more accurate accusations that fall in line with a large number of cases.

@eastsidepb8139

4 ай бұрын

Multiple things can be true. What defines a man isn't set in stone. Greatness is subjective and can apply to certain parts of being a man. It does not have to encompass every part of your being. My dad was the same. He was abuse ( so I heard), however the few years I had with him I remember a great man before he went to jail and developed schizophrenia. I remember times where I would trip and fall. He would pinch me until I stopped crying. He told me I wasn't a girl, and that girls cried... That type of discipline even though it was short lived help shape me into the resilient person that I am today. So yeah I can 100% see how Tate can view their father as great even though he has some very noticeable flaws.

The hardest part of "being yourself" is giving yourself the space and time to figure out who you are in the first place.

@cyberzombie038

5 ай бұрын

True that, wasn't able to practice self expression until my 20s. So it took years of re-wiring myself to figure out who I truly wanted to be.

@tlamelokgosimalebe3119

2 ай бұрын

Love yourself first

@blackjack0202

Ай бұрын

Also the hard pill to swallow is that sometimes Yourself is just not what anyone wants. It’s rough, but it can be the case. And the answer is not to blame women or anyone else. You just have to make peace with being on your own.

@TreyBeSpittin

8 күн бұрын

Yes, exactly this ​@@blackjack0202

@nightfighter7452

4 күн бұрын

And then having to be confident about it 100% of the time whenever you're around other people

I’m a cis woman lawyer. My husband answers phones at a plumbing company. He’s a nice guy that makes me laugh. “Traditional masculinity” is horseshit.

@LatinaCreamQueen

Жыл бұрын

You better hold him tight or I'm swooping in. 😤

@vicg2652

Жыл бұрын

@@LatinaCreamQueen Oh trust me, I’m never letting him go. I love him so much it’s gross haha

@ijeonu2405

Жыл бұрын

He is nice because he is financially not there. Poor men are usually "nice"

@wintermute4544

Жыл бұрын

preach!

@dr.uracil

Жыл бұрын

@@ijeonu2405 I’ve def dated some poor dudes who were douchebag.

One thing to remember about taking dating advice from Sig as opposed to most manosphere types is that he has multiple kids. So unlike most of them there is tangible proof that he has actually had sex.

@vt3039

Жыл бұрын

😂

@BoboftheOldeWays

Жыл бұрын

My nephew had a T-shirt when he was younger that said, “I am proof that my dad scored.”

@birdiewolf3497

Жыл бұрын

It's baffling that so many people in that space don't even live the ideals they are spouting. Like where is your wife? Where are your kids? How do people automatically not see it for the scam that it is? Where are the relationships? Where is the happiness and fulfillment? Isn't that supposed to be the goal? But instead everyone ends up even more miserable and depressed.

@Vhlathanosh

Жыл бұрын

lol 😂😂

@jospinner1183

Жыл бұрын

And we've caught glimpses of Fiq's wife in other videos, and she's objectively beautiful. The man knows what he's talking about!

I'm a single father and have always told my sons that it takes more strength to cry than to not. It shows you are human and have empathy and compassion. To be vulnerable is a true strength

@Queen-ConsciousYa

Жыл бұрын

Exactly. I love being a human being and not a robot with no feelings. Being kind, helping people, crying shows you have a soul and heart.

@marklouis1890

Жыл бұрын

That's sentiment right there Just echoes that you are a much better father than a lot of the other ones out here. Crying showing emotion is a human thing that we should embrace and accept not disassociate

@SuperAH1985

Жыл бұрын

My son learned that crying is "taking out the trash." I think he read it somewhere. It helped him have a visual and something that made sense to do. You wouldn't let the trash can just overflow and not take it out. Same thing with feelings of all types. Don't let them overflow.

@marklouis1890

Жыл бұрын

@@SuperAH1985 That's an excellent way of looking at emotions

@alim.9801

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for teaching them that, it's a really important lesson that takes a lot of people a long time to learn 💜 I hope you and your family are all doin well!!

Im a male teen who fell into the “traditional masculinity, anti sjw” rabbit hole and it wasn’t till i started watching your videos did it help me realize how stupid and unneeded it all was. They taught self help through insecurity, as in they kind of play into the things a sad teenage boy would want; girls, money, stuff like that, and tell you the only way to get all of that is through masculinity. None of it really helped because it doesn’t make you work for what you want to be, but to work for what you “should” be. Thanks for the video man you really help!

@wagaboond6443

11 ай бұрын

they how are you will achieve this? every goal have some requirements that SHOULD be met. tell me how do you raise 100M just be the way you want to be? tell me how do you will become a champion without a work that should be done? its not about your feelings, its about reality that matters, you should adapt to things, not to go your way that you want that's ineffective

@julius.caesar.

11 ай бұрын

@@wagaboond6443bros literally telling someone to conform to societal standards lmao. Nooooo don’t do what makes you comfortable and happy, be miserable just like me!!!

@VeeKayGreenerGrass

10 ай бұрын

Fear. It's led by fear and scarcity mentality, or the lowest level of the Maslow's hierarchy of needs... The lowest nature self.

@HillLuvJump999

9 ай бұрын

May I ask a question? Was there ever a moment where down the rabbit hole you looked towards a father figure- like an uncle or dad, and thought, man they aren't masculine at all yet they found a partner.

@kingingrey1882

9 ай бұрын

Ok us successful “conformists” will continue being so and we’ll check back on the correlation between “going your own way” and the rising homeless population in 10 years

The advice of starting a hobby is HUGE. There's nothing more attractive than someone who is doing something they enjoy, having a good time. Genuinely.

@torreykat

Жыл бұрын

Fwiw if that thing that you enjoy is having a Bugatti and taking care of that car then 100% do that. Go to car shows, make friends who also love to drive that kind of car, go cruising or join one of those fun and slightly illicit cross country races. When you are doing something that makes you friends with shared interests, even if they aren't women, that will go a long way in making you a confident person who has a personality and that, too, is attractive.

@banquetoftheleviathan1404

Жыл бұрын

Hugely annoying when you already have like 5. It’s def not an automatic pathway to socializing. Enjoy it for its own sake

@annoyedbyyourface

Жыл бұрын

This is 100% true. I'm a lesbian who currently has a crush on Noah from Bad Omens simply because he's so damn talented. So yeah - get a hobby, my dudes lol.

@mainao3443

Жыл бұрын

A lot of autistic guys have hobbies and get really into them but 99% of them never been with a woman

@mainao3443

Жыл бұрын

​@@annoyedbyyourface you can't even talk if you're a lisbo

Hey as an Asian guy I appreciate having at least some recognition. I feel like Asian men are constantly ignored in these conversations and being on the left I find that incredibly frustrating. Really appreciated the interview and the segment. Great video FD

@kimchistamppot

Жыл бұрын

Big same man, with EEAAO doing so well and our struggles in the media being seen, and content like this I do hope things are slowly improving

@xlefty

Жыл бұрын

Big time appreciate this also as an Asian man growing up around a lot of cishet white men.

@carlemthe3rd401

Жыл бұрын

Asian men are the least attractive male race in the US, specifically because they lack "masculinity". This video is such cope and won't reward sexually.

@me0101001000

Жыл бұрын

Also Asian guy here! Yeah, I'm really glad he dives into the intersectional nature of things

@ALotOfCancer

Жыл бұрын

@@carlemthe3rd401 Nobody who goes outside takes incel comments seriously, no matter how many times you repeat yourself. Touch grass or remain miserable, clown.

As a gay guy I always found it funny how straight guys who have no success with women are told to "go gay". The gay male scene is horrifically brutal and most men would get there self esteem shattered compare to what they believe womens standards are. Also if you do fit that hyper fit gym bro persona, you are nothing more than a mound of flesh. Its literally the next phase of the manosphere, where basically the majority of men canabalize each other, especially when they are no women to blame.

@jamesreid5809

9 ай бұрын

This isn't true at all, I've had multiple offers from gay/bi men to have sex in real life but none from women. Yes, ussually alcohol/cocaine involved but regardless my point stands. An average man can also receive matches on gay dating apps but receive none on straight apps. Not saying it's easy being gay or finding partners (especially if you live in rural areas etc) but you are just objectively wrong with this comment. My brother is gay and we have discussed this at length, he may as well live in a different universe from me as an "average" low income straight man

@rejectionisprotection4448

9 ай бұрын

@@jamesreid5809I guess it’s where the emphasis lies, is it about having quick sex or having a relationship? “Going gay” is great if quick and easy sex is all that’s wanted. If something deeper is required then the novelty will wear off pretty quickly.

@azula3906

9 ай бұрын

​@@jamesreid5809 You are 100% correct 💯

@SincerelyFromStephen

8 ай бұрын

@@jamesreid5809those men hitting you up aren’t treating you like a person. They’re treating you like a sex toy. They wouldn’t dream of actually dating you if you don’t look like a Marvel superhero

@joao3547

8 ай бұрын

​@@SincerelyFromStephenyeah, basically what most straight women go through. It took gay men hitting on me for me to realize that the "advice" young men take regarding "hitting on women" is super toxic

The most disturbing abuse in public I’ve witnessed was hearing a man in another aisle at the grocery store yelling at his 3 or 4 year old son for crying. It broke my heart and was so toxic, witnessing that sweet child get emotionally traumatized. Somehow even worse than seeing a woman haul off on a kid or drag them out kicking and screaming.

@llTheJVlusicInMell

10 ай бұрын

"You play like a man or we leave". - A father to his 7 y.o. son trying to learn Soccer. Some people are just sickening.

@ecclairmayo4153

10 ай бұрын

Parents do the same togirls. Why does everyone think crying is only stopped when its boys? Parents hate to be embarrassed in the store and they get tired of hearing babies scream.

@smurfrise

9 ай бұрын

@@ecclairmayo4153 the child wasn’t screaming. This was worse because the kid was obviously trying not to cry and was being psychologically scarred for having feelings. This happens to boys as a whole with the expectation that they be “tough,” which just robs them the opportunity to learn how to process and express complex emotions.

@joeybesignano9203

9 ай бұрын

@@ecclairmayo4153 parents definitely tell boys to stop crying way more than girls. Ever heard the phrase "man up"?

@sal-my1id

7 ай бұрын

​@@ecclairmayo4153 it's for different reasons. boys are told not to cry because it's been deemed socially emasculating, and girls are told not to cry because they are seen as overly emotional and annoying. no one's feelings are validated, and everyone grows up traumatized in unique ways as a result

Just as the mom of a boy, I was shaking with rage about how many friggin' times I had to correct other adults when they tried to make my son feel less than for acting like a human instead of acting "like a boy".

@garbledsand-which2321

Жыл бұрын

Your a good mom!

@ANGELMAN.

Жыл бұрын

You’re a amazing mom never stop!!

@bekkers29

Жыл бұрын

@@ANGELMAN. I's weird to be praised for doing what should be the bare minimum, but thank you!

@jospinner1183

Жыл бұрын

Even the "bare minimum" is sometimes hard to find, in parenting boys. It's up to parents to do the groundwork to raise healthy young men. It's not easy!

@flinterdun

Жыл бұрын

To add on that; the amount of time ADULTS will see a young boy and girl being friends and then INSISTING that they're boyfriend and girlfriend. They do this from ridiculously young ages. How can boys be taught to relate to girls on a human-to-human level if we keep insisting they regard them as 'conquests'? It disgusts me.

*new message from Unc at 8am*: "send me a thirst trap selfie" *me 5 min later*: 2 attachments *My partner walks in the room**: "who you taking pics for with ya shirt off" *me*: "well its for Unc but that doesn't make it sound any better" 😂

@_k_n_

Жыл бұрын

Lmao

@yvettechinsee63

Жыл бұрын

😂

@ofeibealoveless2787

Жыл бұрын

lololol

@taylor369able

Жыл бұрын

That first message 💀

@bece00

Жыл бұрын

I was wondering how he got the thirst traps in the thumbnail lolllll

Something I didn't recognize how wild it was bc I was a literal child was my own sister watching me cry and telling me in an authoritative tone that I'm not supposed to: took me decades to understand that just because I grew up surrounded mostly by women it didn't mean I wasn't vulnerable to all the patriarchal programming, in fact I still ended up w a lot of toxic traits commonly attributed to men, which I had to and am still working on; this shit is so ingrained in our society that even the women in your life will force you into it.

@ataready8810

11 ай бұрын

Yup. The patriarchy is upheld by women too. The same can be said for women reinforcing toxic ideals of what women are 'supposed' to be on other women. People of all genders would be better off without these strict ideals and requirements for 'you must be this unemotional to be a man' or 'you must be passive as a woman' for example.

@jojivlogs_4255

10 ай бұрын

its been my experience that women perpetuate patriarchy more than men do, simply because the average woman has more to gain on an interpersonal/microcosmic level by reinforcing patriarchal values than the average man does

@aprilk141

10 ай бұрын

I am sorry for this, I grew up AMAB and somehow discovered that having a good cry is one of the best feelings I could have. I am trans and woman these days. I think a man should also be able to get to the core emotions instead of defaulting to elation or anger .

@sonatestd2085

9 ай бұрын

Women also seem to hit you and get away with it, other women will not blame the woman who hit you , but will blame patriarchy.

@dontburstmybubble686

8 ай бұрын

Deleted an earlier comment because I went on a tangent about periods and, honestly, that is not the topic.\ Edited because I said "literally" about five times. Teaching men not to cry was so fucking evil. Like in the hospital, they literally made you cry to teach you how to breathe. Everyone on this planet that makes it to adulthood has cried. So crying is the most basic human instinct. So crying is literally just as much a sign of weakness as breathing. You should not be crying all the time, but as a woman, crying is what you do after months or even years of struggling. It is the biggest sign of tolerance or strength because, even for the most sensitive of us, a lot has to happen before we cry. As a woman, I have been told that I'm sensitive. I have gone to a funeral and, even though I was sad, I did not feel the need to cry. The literal death of an older relative of mine did not have me crying. And a lot of people do not cry at funerals. So to make someone cry means you have to put them through so much pain for so long or a lot of pain at once. How in any world is that seen as weakness?

As an Indian, from Kerala, South India, I was fortunate enough to have very open minded parents. My father, despite seemingly being the mustacheoed strong quiet type, never ever told us to act more manly, or be less feminine. I watched alot of malayalam films, in which not being super jacked was completely okay, and my experiences with North American ideas of masculinity were predominantly from western films. I thought much of it was hammed up for the storyline. But it wasn't until I lived in Canada with my wife and got to know my male in laws, that I realized the kind of damage some western ideals of masculinity have inflicted. The fact that men showing emotion is considered "woke" by some, is just backwards and ridiculous

@JordanBarclay

Жыл бұрын

Bro my parents are from Kerala and my Pentecostal upbringing was absolute toxic-masculinity hell I never saw a man even talk to a woman oof

@rohanxdavis

Жыл бұрын

@@JordanBarclay that's too bad dude, I was raised in Kochi in a not so religious family (we were Catholic on paper). That probably had something to do with it

@hitthefries

Жыл бұрын

I know someone from Kerala and while his family have traditional gender roles, he was always the first to jump up to throw the trash, wash the dishes or even cut fruits for his kids. It was just normal to him! There’s ofc expectations for masculinity/femininity but it goes to show how a lot of this is cultural

@rohanxdavis

Жыл бұрын

@@hitthefries yup! That sounds like my dad too haha

@nemojob666

Жыл бұрын

I'm from Kochi too. Cheers dude 🍻

“Woman are telling you out right that they want companionship, stimulating conversation, support, and good sex” not a single lie was told 👏🏾👏🏾

@painunending4610

Жыл бұрын

And they want all that with attractive men

@tamarareid2879

Жыл бұрын

@@monimuppet6132 every single time … it’s almost like they didn’t watch the video.

@tamarareid2879

Жыл бұрын

@@painunending4610 Really not true at all! I think if you believe that that then you are just going to miss all the people who want that and actually find you attractive. There a lot of women who just don’t care about looks that much. Y’all just don’t want them or you are too busy being upset that you don’t look one Adonis to notice that someone actually does like you.

@spinturt

Жыл бұрын

The Women who are more accepting are already taken 😂. If people were honest they would admit that majority of women are just virtue signaling snd date the best looking man they can get.

@2crisp63

Жыл бұрын

@@painunending4610 News flash: People want to be attracted to their partner

In the past, you said criticizing the man-o-sphere isn't enough, and someone needs to actually give some better advice for lonely young men. And then you did it. Amazing.

@painunending4610

Жыл бұрын

I am that lonely young men and let me tell you this advice isn't that great either

@SrCoxas

Жыл бұрын

I suspect reinforcing the "be yourself" advice will not work. People seek content like the PUA because they talk about the details of dating, like how to take good photos for a tinder profile as shown early in the video

@i_likemen5614

Жыл бұрын

@@painunending4610 get an autism diagnoses. That could help you if you struggle with actually talking to women

@tatbaz1

Жыл бұрын

Bad advice is better than no advice. His advice was horrible

@RyomenAyeni225

Жыл бұрын

@@tatbaz1 his advice was better than anything Tate could muster

As a nonbinary person, I super appreciate your ability to point out patterns of behavior without ignoring the complexities of gender and the queer community 👍👍

@yuzzi9190

8 ай бұрын

weirdo

@wrecquerel

7 ай бұрын

sameee

@Sir_Bucket

6 ай бұрын

​@@yuzzi9190say thr guy being angry at somenody else's nature

@sandenson

5 ай бұрын

​@@yuzzi9190 What's weird about them or their comment?

@eastsidepb8139

4 ай бұрын

​@@sandensonThere's no complexities to gender.

Being a 27 year old, black male watching this, it’s refreshing to see and hear other like minded brothas. Growing up being a big boy all my life really became arduous when you realize the biggest haters wasn’t women, it was the men who pushed the negative trope. They force fed it to women, who then regurgitated it in validation to these men, that in itself breeds this overarching, self regulated/sustained stereotype. You start to believe and race others to the punch of someone else in hopes you give no one the opportunity to harm you. Looking back as a young man now, my teen years/early 20s was filled with a lot of desperation, seeking what I wanted, as a late bloomer. It brought so much life into perspective for me later, seeing how low I was because I was chasing an image rather than my real self. I said this to say: Take your time, gain empathy, sympathy, become some who you like, and don’t place so much pressure on performing this unreal, immeasurable ideal that leads you nowhere in the end. Women aren’t this untamed beast that needs to be conquered, or this end all be all reward to fuel the male ego. They’re humans, functioning ppl who don’t hold so much interest power struggles, but rather wanting to be treated human.

@erievhs

6 ай бұрын

Wow you nailed it

As a gay man who tries so hard to tell his straight male friends this kind of stuff, I can’t thank you enough for just making this. You kick ass!

@grem4102

Жыл бұрын

im somewhat thankful for being born a woman. if i weren't raised to be human and to have empathy for others, who knows where i'd be now. my parents and family as a whole are all pretty traditional. its funny, because growing up a lot of people made fun of me for being 'boyish'. but i don't fit a lot of the manly man criteria. i'm a huge crybaby. it's a part of my mental illness. adhd and anxiety are sort of a package deal. i don't cry very easily, but i *am* easily overwhelmed, so it kind of cancels itself out at a point. luckily my parents weren't as controlling as other family members, so i was at least capable of expirimenting enough to find these things out. i'm just not so sure that's how it'd be if i was born in the body i'd wished i were born in, which is kind of sad.

@mj.l

Жыл бұрын

@@grem4102not all guys are like the types depicted in the video. there’s a weird perception that men are all cold, selfish and super masculine, but i’ve rejected that shit my whole life and it hasn’t harmed my love life at all. i’m super glad i’m not one of those kinds of guys, but i’ve never been one to take social conditioning re: gender seriously at all

@chiakinanami9209

Жыл бұрын

damn I really feel that anxiety is just terrible I've managed to properly live with adhd a few times and actually keeping up with responsibilities and everyday routines but nowadays I honestly can't leave my house without fearing for me life to the point that its hard to function makes it hard to act like or look like a "normal" person at the very least I don't have to live or deal with my dad anymore

As an Indian man, I co-sign this video heavily. I grew up in a machismo culture, akin to Latino men, and found childhood and adult performative masculinity draining af.

@ninaschust3694

Жыл бұрын

Save Recovery. To love yourself is an act of Rebellion in a capitalist society.

@farmpunk_dan

Жыл бұрын

It’s time we all take off the mask and release the pressure valve. There are so many more useful pursuits aside from performing gender day after day.

@johnkawakami8395

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, it's extra tough being Asian and performing, because society starts you out behind the pack, and wants you to get an image way beyond others.

@natalieromanoff

Жыл бұрын

It's wierd. I'm from south asia. Masculinity is a bit relaxed here compared to hyper individualist American one.

@shahsadsaadu5817

Жыл бұрын

@@natalieromanoff I'm from South Asia too,and I agree

As a gay man, I have always noticed that girls/women were attracted to me because of my kindness. I’m not super attractive or masculine at all

i appreciate people like you because i was insecure and ate all of the Tate media , i needed time to reflect and understand how it affected people around me . being selfish is mistaken as being a leader , its all about ego and never about community and acceptance

@blink-my2955

Жыл бұрын

You’re lucky the more you realise it the more you improve as a person. Some people are still going through that rabbit hole.

@samiouldzeine8076

11 ай бұрын

Aye a true leader is made by his community not by himself

@Jettabbg

10 ай бұрын

@@blink-my2955yes, it’s always good to know ur wrongs or realize ur issues. It’s first step to improving and shows ur not a complete shitty person.

@majora231

8 ай бұрын

Well done brother, happy you found the light and got away from this BS 🎉

@user-ek3bn5mm1t

5 ай бұрын

Thank you ❤​@@majora231

To me “be yourself” just lacks direction, which is why it is frustrating. I found that transforming that phrase into “show people who you are” greatly improved my attitude. Showing who I am gives them the opportunity to know me quickly that’s doesn’t require me to keep up false behaviour in the future. If they stay, they knew what they were getting into.

@miss_chelles1338

Жыл бұрын

WOOO! *snaps fingers* SOO fricking well said!

@augustgremaud2738

Жыл бұрын

Screenshot this ‘cause I’m gonna need it later

@bootypebble

Жыл бұрын

great way to rephrase it

@Feathertail2205

Жыл бұрын

For me, someone who is more reserved, "be yourself" is something that is easier for me to embody than "show people who you are", since it feels more pressuring with that phrasing. I rather do my own thing quietly/behind the scene so if people notice my good actions that's good enough for me. But I know everyone's mileage varies. (To anyone reading), just find what works for your self-expression as long as you aren't trying to put others down in the process.

@landresking3988

Жыл бұрын

This is lit

I’m a pretty newly out trans dude and have been terrified my whole life to do anything about it. This was very therapeutic, thank you.

@unamejames

Жыл бұрын

Welcome to the club, bro.

@caitlinweiss8801

Жыл бұрын

I'm a cis straight woman and I accept you as a dude. Congratulations on coming out 🏳️‍🌈!!!

@majaherold1325

Жыл бұрын

Hell yeah brother!

@notaburneraccount

Жыл бұрын

agender person here and i support you 💕🏳️‍⚧️🌈

@InaneBlatherPodcast

Жыл бұрын

Let's gooooooooo

Realizing the image of an "attractive man" you take for granted and see all over the place is what men think women are attracted to and not what women are actually attracted to is so important and such an eye opener.

@painunending4610

9 ай бұрын

I still see plenty of women who are attracted to that image though? Also women are not a monolith. They don't all think and act the same way. I'm an incel and even I know this ffs 🙄

@myBquest

2 ай бұрын

The fact that incels are going to tell you, "well, I know women that do this" is what makes this even funnier. Women will eventually have a conflict with incel men even after years of being into a relationship. Most women just want a healthy relationship. Sometimes they don't know how to get one because they were born into a society that's still getting rid of toxic thoughts.

When I was dating about 14 years ago, I had this kind of internal conversation going. It finally dawned on me that I was in an "All or nothing" kind of scenario when I was dating. I needed to step back and reassess what I was doing and I came up with the conclusion that "whenever I went out I was going to have fun". I was going to go out, find things that were fun for me and have fun. Without even knowing it, I was being myself and the funny thing after that was suddenly my social calendar was full because fun people attract other people that like to have fun. It only took me till my early '40s to figure that out.

@tycobandit

Жыл бұрын

Yes, All of this…

@mophead_xu

Жыл бұрын

oh that's so awesome, re: you figuring it out in your early 40s. am only in my mid-20s but as much as i try to reassure myself and my friends it's ok to figure things out at our own pace, the looming anxiety of being on a deadline is more easily soothed by real life example, y'know? thank you for sharing your experience, sir. o7

@D3xterJettster

9 ай бұрын

Fun means different things for everyone

@erievhs

6 ай бұрын

Literally just came to the same conclusion, I used to be irritated by people just trying to have fun but now I get it

@Russman67

6 ай бұрын

@@D3xterJettster You know what? You're right. For me I dove into my creative side. I sang, went to comedy shows. Talked to people just for the sake of passing time. I came home happy and satisfied with my nights out.

I know this video is for boys and men (and I watch partly because I have a son), but there is good advice for girls and women in here too. Performing certain aspects of femininity might get you a lot of sex partners as a woman, but the quality will be lacking. My husband is a man who I have always felt like I could be myself around. I value that so much. Fat, thin, in between, my man loves me for who I am and I can’t tell you how much that has helped me to grow as a human. He has helped me to grow my skepticism and reasoning and I have helped him to grow his empathy and other normal human emotions and we are both better people as a result. I was bigger than my man when we first met in high school and I was bigger than him for most of our relationship together. If we had let that stop us, we would have missed out on so much.

@jomanda6876

Жыл бұрын

I agree.

@user-kp4jh6jo3r

Жыл бұрын

This video was meant to get views from fatherless man hating women and soyboys .

@jensendsflowers

Жыл бұрын

That’s so sweet and inspirational, thank you for sharing 🥰🥰

@user-kp4jh6jo3r

Жыл бұрын

@@MissSeaShell you just said you met him at 19 so your opinion doesnt those men didn't experience love from any women and now when they are rich they are getting women so they will go for the youngest ones that's for sure . Its simple logic .

@Sayali312

Жыл бұрын

I like watching videos like this to see what other boys/young men are seeing. Then I can see the good from the bad. You can also tell which content creators these guys are watching by what they say.

I am a 24 y/o ex-chubby baby-faced male. I’ve been unpacking my feelings of rejection from other males. Most of my friends are female. I gave up on masculinity performance but I find myself still feeling as though I’m on the outside with other males even though I have 5 brothers. I last year picked up Crossfit. It changed my mind on what makes a strong or confident human: strongest guys in the gym weren’t even straight or didn’t have six packs. I’m slowly learning to love myself by addressing the ugly feelings I have about myself.

@Mienarrr

Жыл бұрын

sounds awesome dude! youre on the right track for sure :)

@dream1430

Жыл бұрын

What do you think makes a strong human ?

@Kinglystateof

Жыл бұрын

@@dream1430 looking back on my own experiences and my capacity for kindness, being considerate of others when it would be easy to get even and taking the high road, standing up for people who are marginalized. That’s what strength is to me.

@MISSMADISONMEDIA

Жыл бұрын

“Ex-chubby” 😭😂😂😂

@connorbrady5689

Жыл бұрын

Six pack isn’t a sign of strength, it’s a sign you don’t eat enough - JF Caron, one of the strongest men on earth

I am a conventionally-attractive cis woman. Got a lot of attention on dating apps in my early 20s from conventionally-attractive men. Now married to my husband, who is fat and an inch shorter than me. I’m attracted to him for a variety of reasons, including our shared niche interests and his personality, but I’m also just straight up attracted to his body and appearance. Honesty, the hardest part of being with someone who’s not conventionally attractive is some of the psychic wounds it’s inflicted on him because of the bad stuff described in this video. I wish this video had been around for him when he was younger. Media in the early 2000s was so cruel. Sending much love to any of the young fat, short men out there, especially bipoc boys. What you’re going thru is brutal. I hope you make it out okay. Thank you for putting this into the world. 💛

I still don't know what makes men attractive - but whenever I look at my body I hear my mother when I was like 12 telling me if i didn't lose weight I'd never find someone willing to love me. My mother has since apologized, but I can't stop remembering it. Hearing that, from my own mother, I fear it has permanently scarred me.

@NonaMoreau

Жыл бұрын

Man I am so sorry that happened to you :( parents can say incredibly damaging things.

@KRfromthePaleozoic

9 ай бұрын

I have similar experiences, but will say that therapy does a lot. Definitely investigate. The damage may not go away but it can change to mean less, and change to mean something different to you

I'm a 21 year old guy living in a conservative town, and I almost cried by the end of this video. This has got to be one of the most important videos on this platform. I've seen countless of examples of men from my town being so confused by the patriarchy and still idealizing it while oblivious to how much it hurts both them and women, yet whenever I try to talk to them about this I'm always met with ad hominems about my masculinity (and like most men, I've struggled with self-image issues and masculinity too). I can't tell you how many times I've felt suffocated because of how I'm seemingly the only one in my town to feel this way, and it has led me to a lot of self-doubt. However, seeing you make such a thourough detailed video about this issue that has been on my mind for years now is so therapeutic holy shit. Thank you for this.

@IncrediblyMid

Жыл бұрын

right there with you homie

@potpu

Жыл бұрын

Hang in there bro. You are way ahead of the curve, things get better for people like you.

@herz2155

Жыл бұрын

Yes 100% I had to leave my family and I’m healing continuously as I unpack internalized toxic gender and sexuality attitudes.

@linguineimpasta

Жыл бұрын

sending love

@jasonflake6893

Жыл бұрын

Bro stop

"if you do want your trad wife maybe consider unionizing" is the best line out of this video

@yennikarual

Жыл бұрын

this is like his best edited video yet for sure

@pascalkane3272

Жыл бұрын

based

@D3xterJettster

9 ай бұрын

What does it mean?

@insomniacresurrected1000

9 ай бұрын

I don’t want any wife. I have posed myself the ultimate question. What can women do for you? The answer was…. Nothing. 😂

@ilovespooder-man

9 ай бұрын

​@@insomniacresurrected1000 So you want a husband?

I feel like teenagers can really learn this lesson from "Pride and Prejudice". It's 210 years old, but it's a masterpiece for a reason. Of all the Bennett daughters, Jane and Eliza are really the ones any man should pursue. Eliza is a confident, beautiful, brilliant, willful, outspoken woman that is humble, truthful, and compassionate as well. She knows who she is, she knows what she wants out of life, and she's not willing to compromise on the important things. Even if she were somewhat plain-looking, she'd be a girl you'd talk to for hours and be enthralled by. However, she is very judging, and when she first meets Fitzwilliam Darcy, his pride and conceit causes her to have a terrible impression of him (first impressions DO matter). This poisons her opinion of him for a large portion of the novel, regardless of his actions to the contrary on several occasions. Eventually, things come to light and she hears more about him from people who have actually known him for years or worked for him and his family (a good rule of thumb---always judge people by how they treat subordinates, not by how they treat "equals") and discovers that he is far and away a much better person than she initially realized, and that her prejudice blinded her to his reasoning for previous actions. Conversely he learns that he comes off as conceited, hubristic, and dismissive to many people without reason, and spends a great deal of the novel (off page, the story IS about Elizabeth after all) trying to correct that. The moral of the story is not to let first impressions totally influence every interaction with someone, but also to emphasize the difference between a "nice guy"/scoundrel, and an actual man of value Darcy is a man of value, even without his fabulous wealth. Darcy is a man of value because of who he is, his actions and deliberation, and the lengths he will go to for others with little regard for himself. Guys, if you want to find an Eliza, a woman worth being with, one who knows herself and will be herself, who will call you out for your failings and make you improve, and be the kind of life partner you actually want to spend your life with, you need to be an actual "man of value". By and large, that has almost nothing to do with what you have, or how you look---it's all about being who you are and showing that. Looks and toys are great, they can catch someone's attention. But holding their attention requires the person you are being WORTHY of attention. And vice versa, because beauty doesn't mean anything if they are vain, callous, and small-minded.

@painunending4610

11 ай бұрын

Yet I know plenty of men who are valid, small-minded and callous who have success with women Meanwhile I'm all the things this video says is desirable and I haven't had my first kiss at 24 Why do I keep reading this shit. Why do I keep listening to lies

@shaon317

11 ай бұрын

In a world full of Wickhams, be a Darcy.

@grandempressvicky6387

9 ай бұрын

That last point is so important and something that the manosphere completely ignores. It's a common issue in our media as well. They only ever talk about the process of attracting a woman. The superficial things you need to get their attention, thus the incel focus on physicality and wealth. They NEVER talk about how that relationship should be maintained outside of the complete subjugation of their female partner, to the point where one wonders if they actually want a woman or a robot. They never talk about what you as a man can bring to the table outside of wealth and looks. They never encourage boys to be worth knowing, let alone worth having sex with. They don't teach them how to converse with people or how to make your romantic intent known without subterfuge and gaslighting. But it goes back to the fact that patriarchy doesn't see women as human. They see us as puzzles to unlock. I saw one metaphor about women being a toaster or slot machine and the men in the manosphere are baffled as to why the machines want to be treated as people like men are.

@painunending4610

9 ай бұрын

@@grandempressvicky6387 Most men can't even generate hat initial attraction and have to work tirelessly to do it. Your talking about the finish line, they can't pass the first hurdle Like I said I'm all the things described in the video. I am a worthy, valuable, desirable man and I can't generate that initial attraction so nothing ever happens

@nicholaselder2546

8 ай бұрын

Explain the Kardashian and women making them billionaires.

I really needed to hear that teaching boys not to cry is abuse. I've known it was a bad or shitty thing to do to a kid, but hearing how plainly you expressed it with language that communicated real harm - it moved something within me. I'm still dealing with the consequences of parents who were so worried how their "effeminate" child was going to be perceived that it prevented them from responding to my needs as well as damaging my ability to express myself or ask for help in healthy ways. Because I was taught "not to be so sensitive" it's been almost impossible for me to validate my own issues because that voice in the back of my head is telling me maybe I'm just too dramatic or weak. It's so important that we have people like you using their platforms to verbalize this because it really can change lives for the better. Thank you so much for your kindness and all of the thoughtful work you put into your content.

Mad respect for bringing in a trans guy to talk about his experiences. I've never seen a fellow trans dude talk about the effects of patriarchal masculinity during transition. It's something that really does effect pretty much every trans guy; the fear of not being masculine enough for the world to see you as you see yourself. In my early transition I was ~16 and never even been in a relationship. A massive factor to my fragile masculinity and loneliness was "I don't have a girlfriend I need a girlfriend, why is everyone in a relationship except me??". It's a perspective that's usually hugely missed among cis people, so thank you so much for including it king! 👑

@e.s.r5809

Жыл бұрын

Legit! It was very affirming to realise my (non-trans) partner is a much greater pansy than I am, lol. If he can thrive in jobs where you need to be tough and able to defend yourself, while wearing nail polish and floral suits... then I do not need to be insecure about knitting on the train. 👍 I recommend Thomas Page McBee's books _Man Alive_ and _Amateur_ , I reckon you might like them.

@AutismGaming489

Жыл бұрын

I hate it when people online call me an incel and make fun of me for not having a girlfriend. The left are the ones that usually does that fyi. I am cis btw.

@muzisensei3493

Жыл бұрын

Wtf…

@vib2119

Жыл бұрын

Lol but that dude did break a lot of what FD was trying to say, cause he showed that what makes a man desirable is height. Body type preferences varies but height is very important for most women

@vib2119

Жыл бұрын

@@RedTyrant yeah no I don't even want to try dating anymore. I see plenty of not-that-angry, sweet short dudes getting rejected all the time in my college. Those same dudes have told me what you are telling me now, to demonstrate how important being ok with being rejected for your shortness is. But tall guys still get chosen over them, so I don't think personality matters all that much if you're short, you'll still get rejected a lot. I don't know if it's different in the older generation, but in my generation women have pretty high requirements for height. Also lol at how you compare men's and women's standards, my dude most men swipe right on most women, while women only swioe right on a very small minority of men. I think the data showed ~60% vs ~5% for men and women respectively.

Being able to identify, process, verbalize, and express emotions or feelings is something that is learned, and can be developed even in adulthood with both men and women. For me as a 38 year old black man, I was raised in a household where "I love you" wasn't said often, and we rarely talked about our feelings. I now have a 4 year old, and I remember when my son was younger he tripped and fell, and he bumped his head on the floor. He looked up at me, and I could see that he was hurt, but I could also see that he did not wanna cry in front of me. I realized in that moment how what I said or reacted was going to influence the way he was going to, in the foreseeable future, react when he would get hurt. So I told him, "son it's ok to cry if you are hurt. And it's ok to say that you are hurt and feeling sad if that's how you feel". After I told him this he was able to be vulnerable, and then he started to cry. I crawled over to him, and I embraced him. I gave him that space to feel. I never got this when I was a kid. When i got hurt my parents asked if I was ok, and they told me that I had to be strong, and I didn't need to cry. I now feel confident that my son, when he gets older, will be able to feel safe enough to come to me and tell me if something is bothering him. It was important to me to create a safe space for him. I've been in therapy for 3 years now, and I've just started to learn how to identify what I'm feeling, and what goes on physically with my body when I'm having a certain feeling or emotion. And I've learned to better verbalize those emotions with my wife now than when we first got married. It has made me a better person as a man, a better husband to my wife, a better father to my son, and a better friend to my peers. I don't think I am a weaker man for expressing my emotions or feelings. I think I've become more authentic, and I've given myself more grace to make mistakes, and not always try to be the strong one in my relationships. I actually think I've become a stronger man because I am able to express myself without thinking that I'm being weak in that moment. I highly recommend studying Plutchik's Wheel of emotions. He points out eight primary emotions: anger, anticipation, joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness and disgust. I suggest getting good at identifying these emotions in yourself. It will help provide good information on what's going on with your mental and physical state of being.

@yasiercurtis5342

Жыл бұрын

Wow that's awesome dude, but did I ask?

@maryeckel9682

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for giving your son a safe way to express his emotions.

@PowderedFace

Жыл бұрын

@@yasiercurtis5342you actually took the time to comment that, why don’t you just scroll and let people tell their stories.

@revlover3797

Жыл бұрын

Hi, thanks for commenting. I can relate to your childhood experience almost 1:1 and have been seeking therapy. I also have noticed that I struggle with experiencing emotion, but being able to put it to a physical state has helped me immensely. I think that a majority of it comes from generational trauma (my family came from USSR) and I feel like you are definitely doing the right thing for your son.

@BigHenFor

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for teaching your son that he can be himself. If nothing else, that is the greatest gift you can give him.

I'm an indigenous woman with Black/Indigenous children. Navigating this world, especially with young sons whose friends (mostly white) eating up the red pill Manosphere is terrifying. It's terrifying raising a daughter in this world. Beyond grateful to find your content!!

@stoplookinent4791

11 ай бұрын

Yeah make sure your daughter learns to understand that men are simple we just want peace and to do fun things or to be left alone or understood and the only way to know is by having conversations with men and taking que...the guys that you have to ask those are usually the psychopaths or your daughter slow😂 thats how simple we are..the guys who make understanding them difficult have nothing to do with them they the devil...

@BarronBarca

10 ай бұрын

Terrifying raising a daughter😂 another woman overreacting

@saphire9823

10 ай бұрын

@@BarronBarca yes. Because I bet you're raising children so you understand sooo well. 🤪

@Samzillah

9 ай бұрын

​@@BarronBarcaconsidering almost every woman I know was sexually assaulted before the age of 18, yes it is terrifying raising a daughter knowing that no matter how hard I try to protect her, I can't save her from everything. I can't watch her 24/7 or make her decisions for her. I just have to do my best and hope that any mistakes I make do not result in disasterous consequences for her. I have to think twice who I trust, who I allow in my life, and what I allow her to participate in, knowing that all of that preparation means nothing in the face of a predator who believes they are entitled to her body.

@marvin2678

4 ай бұрын

you guys really hate white men huh ?

This video has done more for my abysmal self esteem and mental health than practically anything else, at least concerning self image. I'm not about to go all Peterson apostle and say you saved my life, but this has absolutely made me feel better living it. From a mixed kid who's been too pale for anyone to realise I'm Viet, thank you FD.

@KieraKA216

Жыл бұрын

Hang in there, be kind, and value yourself and you'll hit your stride.

I think the "muscular, healthy, disciplined" image is also a form of self-soothing. If men all believe and truly think that the ONLY reason women don't like them is because they don't go to the gym, it makes it unncessary for them to reflect on what is wrong with their personalities. Instead of thinking "I am just a bad partner, and an inconsiderate lover, and that's why I don't get dates", they can think "oh these femoids just want a ripped gym bro, that's why they ignore me" I think the only universally attractive thing is authenticity, and no woman is ever going to appreciate someone lying about who they are to get in their pants.

@JesseEko

Жыл бұрын

That's true but it is hard so hard at the same time. Asking to someone to be fully authentic which means being deeply vulnerable. Yeah some People could love you for that but how many will reject you because of how you truly are ?

@coricognitions

Жыл бұрын

@@JesseEko That's fair, but I think the only long term love that lasts has to be built on true authenticity

@painunending4610

Жыл бұрын

Why do automatically assume their personalities are bad and need fixing? That doesn't help anyone, let alone the viewers this video is directed to No woman's ever been attracted to me, and it's not because I have a bad personality. I have friends with strong bonds and my co-workers like me. I get on well with people. I do self-reflect and try to improve myself where I have faults I've been my authentic self for 24 years. Nothing... Honest truth is there are plenty of people who are kind, considerate and empathetic who have never had romantic success and there are plenty of men who are callous, narcissistic and abusive who are romantically successful

@airi5358

Жыл бұрын

@@painunending4610 Your personality is definitely the problem. Go seek therapy.

@cristalido3640

Жыл бұрын

Sorry, but that's just not true, you can't figure out if a man is a bad partner or an inconsiderate lover if you don't even date them, such things are discovered when you engage with the person on an intimate level... Like, imagine seeing a guy that's not ripped and has insecurities, being awkward when talking to women, and your main takeaway is "yeah, he's a bad partner and an inconsiderate lover", like, how do you arrive to that conclusion if you've never seen them as a partner or a love? Those people don't get dates because they are not traditionally attractive and they lack confidence, they are rejected based on superficial reasons.

The "boys don't cry myth" is partly because people believe that boys are easier, so they make sure they are by not actually raising them. But I wish more people would point out that girls are also often shamed for crying. Most people are as children because the adults around us find it annoying, if we just treated children better the world would improve drastically

@playboicarlos

Жыл бұрын

They are easier

@miss_chelles1338

Жыл бұрын

THIS!

@miss_chelles1338

Жыл бұрын

@@playboicarlos .... bruh at this point, just say that you refuse to believe that the main person's comment was right.

@playboicarlos

Жыл бұрын

@@miss_chelles1338 hey, opinions are like assholes, everybody has one. You have yours and I have mine.

@yunarukami14

Жыл бұрын

@@playboicarlos Holy shit, I'm stealing that

I wish you had Tate's reach. It's always the evil, simplistic, harmful stuff that feeds the algorithm. This is the type of stuff men need right now.

As a trans man myself, I am incredibly grateful you included us in the conversation. Not just referencing us but actually seeking out and including a trans man in the video. We are often left out of discussions around masculinity (especially in the Manosphere for obvious reasons) when we often feel the sting to prove ourselves as men even more acutely than cis men due to so much of society insisting our manhood is some kind of evil delusion, so thank you.

@hel3o167

8 ай бұрын

Woman* , A male can disfigure himself and become female like but being a male again is impossible. Males are number 1

@grimwizzard

6 ай бұрын

^^ it took me, and a lot of my other trans guy friends a long time to realize that we still had to take care of our appearance and hygiene after transitioning. I know a lot of guys who barely showered or shaved (if they even did shave), and stopped taking care of their skin. There seems to be this weirdly normalized phase in transition for trans men where you just stop taking care of yourself to be more “masculine”. T totally changed my hair texture (my hair went from moderately wavy to very curly) and it took me a long time to realize I needed to learn how to care for curly hair. I resisted doing it because I was scared of being seen as “feminine”, but irl all it did was make my hair look really unkempt.

@sandenson

5 ай бұрын

As a cis man, I've been seeking videos on gender, trans people and transphobia (usually made by trans people), because those are topics that I dismissed as unimportant - which is obviously not true - for far too long, and the trans perspective on gender, especially when they talk about their interactions with gender norms pre and post transition, to be extremely fascinating and thought-provoking, just by the premise that they've "performed" both genders.

As a trans man, most of your videos genuinely help me analyse my own perception of masculinity. The fact that a big part of your perspective so incredibly relatable for me personally, helps me understand my own identity and at least feel like I fit into society as a man

@treeoflife5694

Жыл бұрын

You’re not a real man or a man at all.

When I went to a gym with personal trainers, the trainers who were women invariably gave me better, more positive experiences working out. The men seemed either unable or unwilling to believe 1) that I was there primarily for my health, to lose weight to improve my sleep and my asthma, 2) that to the extent that I wanted to change my appearance, I wanted to change it for my own sake, and not for the sake of some hypothetical other’s gaze, 3) that I wanted to get slender without looking “swole,” and I actively wanted to AVOID looking “swole,” 4) that my picture of masculinity was … me, already, that I didn’t want to put on some weird “man” mask that wasn’t already me, that I was happy with myself aside from needing to drop 30 to 40 pounds and firm up a little flab. The trainers who were women understood ALL four points IMMEDIATELY. The trainers who were men kept referencing bodybuilder physiques, and emphasizing “hardness” and “toughness,” and apparently couldn’t help but impose their peculiar values over mine. It’s bonkers, the silly crap men are are societally conditioned to put other men through.

@Pleebian94

Жыл бұрын

I call it Masculine Fascism.

@sunnysunshine8897

Жыл бұрын

Ah, so you know exactly what it feels like to be "mansplained" to! 😂

@kiajahasmr

Жыл бұрын

Wow this is very noteworthy!!

@nanba009

Жыл бұрын

very interesting story, thanks you for sharing!

@jpisback

Жыл бұрын

Sounds like you had a bad experience, but that seems to be just yours. The personal trainers at my gym, both male and female, focus on your goals.... the female is a powerlifting competitor, and the male is a cyclist.

To the best I can tell, to be attractive, 1. Don't be a threat. 2. Display that you are willing and somewhat able to build the life they want. 1 is a negative filter, if you fail in this first you'll be rejected. 2 is the selection criteria. 2 is why the actual selection process is so variable. The life they want to live is different for everyone.

@ecclairmayo4153

10 ай бұрын

This answer is spot in. Especially #1 with regards to making women feel safe. Respect her safety boundaries.

@D3xterJettster

9 ай бұрын

3. Don't be ugly

@emmettobrian1874

9 ай бұрын

@@D3xterJettster Eh, I know some ugly dudes in long term relationships and they do all right for themselves. I think that falls under 2. If they want some handsome guy to show off or whatever, then that's the life they want to build. It's the same as if they wanted to go raise goats on a mountain. The life they want just doesn't work for you.

@nathanolson3135

8 ай бұрын

Don’t be broke , gotch u .

@emmettobrian1874

8 ай бұрын

@@nathanolson3135 that can help. Some people understand that money is hard to come by and sometimes they don't worry about money. I've been married for 27 years at this point and we've sometimes had money and other times we were dirt poor. Even when we had nothing in the bank (often less than nothing) we still worked out how to build the life we wanted. Money helps but it's not everything.

As a woman, this video was so informative and eye opening. Not because it taught me something new, but it lays out masculinity from so many objective positions and it starts conversations. I’m very guilty of justifying man hating and using my trauma as proof when in reality we are all super complex people who are fucked up in different ways. Thank you for that, I feel a little more healed ❤

Such a privilege to be part of this, what a fantastic video. 💙

@FDSignifire

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for your contribution!

@cheesesandwich1560

Жыл бұрын

I was so happy to see you featured. I am trans guy and your recent videos really helped me to unpack some of my gender related issues, so thanks a lot.

@weetdoog

Жыл бұрын

seeing another trans guy included in this conversation made me feel really good and it was interesting to hear about your perspective on the issue, so, thank you for participating 😄

As a gay man I found this video really refreshing. I am attracted to so many different types of men, but it ultimately comes down to vibes. It's damn hard, if not impossible to learn how to have good vibes, but if I had any advice to men out there, don't have sex or a relationship be the end all be all goal. Meet and talk to people to meet and talk to people. Forge connections. Maybe someone who isn't feeling you that way has a friend who would be.

@whannabi

Жыл бұрын

Vibes isn't a concrete thing, it's too abstract. Have you ever tried figuring out what are the hidden variables behind what determines whether you're interested in someone or not? I'm not saying we could generalize it to other people but that we could make an "attractiveness map" corresponding to your criterias specifically. But of course that all depends on wether you're interested about learning more about yourself or not.

@yungjoemighty879

Жыл бұрын

I think straight men can learn a lot from men who love other men. Maybe we can learn to see more beauty and value in each other that way

@robertsarge-xl6vq

Жыл бұрын

homosexual relationships are different from hetrosexual though

@Puerco-Potter

Жыл бұрын

Is a shame but good vibes often come with self confidence, and self confidence comes with a lot of effort on mental health. For a lot of shy guys that good vibes will come in their 30s. Faking good vibes is something you can achieve in 1 year, but it will crush your self-esteem because you will be pretending to be another person because you think you are not enough, and if you have success at it it will be worst.

@johnalgodon6087

Жыл бұрын

Orlo Folsom, it sounds like you're encouraging a pretense of friendship with someone you meet on the off chance they can give you access to one of their hot friends. That's not a connection. Not only are you being blatant about using people [as conduits] but in doing so you’ve also betrayed your earlier position to not let sex/relationship be the end goal. Clearly it is. Our investment in meeting people in our personal lives should be about whether we can build authentic relationships (be it platonic or romantic) with them and not what we can get out of them later on. Even if you choose to prioritize sex, authenticity makes it so that you are not treating someone as a body to have sex "at" by way of "learned vibes" insofar as they are not actually getting to know who you are.

The meta experience of watching this video, feeling like crying, subconsciously telling yourself not to cry, recognizing it, and letting it happen was eye opening and freeing Thank you

fucking love you man. it's so healing to see that men like you exist.

Before we started dating, my wife described me as "charmingly obsessive" when I would talk about my passions and hobbies. At first I had to get a friend to help me figure out exactly what she meant by that, as didn't want to be creepy obsessive. What I ended up realizing was that being able to go into elaborate details about dinosaurs on a date (this happened on the first date) was actually a great at showing my curiosity and drive to learn, and it was these very aspects of myself learned through my hobbies that let me become a dedicated partner. Over the years I've had to learn A LOT, change, and grow and I'm fortunate my wife saw that ability within be even when at times I didn't recognize it within myself.

@harrietdrums

Жыл бұрын

I have ADHD and fixating on various hobbies is my bread and butter. It makes me a really interesting person because I've tried a lot of things. I described myself as a serial hobby switcher on my dating profile and I definitely have a tendency to infodump when I'm excited about something. While my also ADHD boyfriend doesn't share that trait it's something he loves about me and I've learned to think of it as something that makes me interesting rather than annoying.

@mainao3443

Жыл бұрын

Ok but how tall are you?

@LunarRaevyn

Жыл бұрын

@@mainao3443 ??? What does that matter sorry I'm confused

@mainao3443

Жыл бұрын

@@LunarRaevyn he most likely wouldn't even have gotten a date in the first place of he was short, it matters completely

@harrietdrums

Жыл бұрын

@@mainao3443 did you even watch the video? My ex is 5'7 and we were together 7 years. He got a new girlfriend less than a year after we broke up. It's definitely harder if you're short but I promise if you can't get a date it's not your height that's turning off women.

Love your part about gay men. So, my first boyfriend had this bad. I knew he was fatphobic, but it wasn't until we went on a week long vacation and he immediately started freaking out at how "fat" he had gotten, and that it was so noticeable. We were living in Asia at the time, he had not gained any weight whatsoever. He eventually started to put that shame on me and I was unfortunately too young to stand up for myself. We broke up because, surprise surprise, he had really bad intimacy issues which lead to an ugly bad break up that hurt my body image for a long time. He went on to deal with his emotions by going to the gym constantly, hoping to get that dream body and be one of the men he thought got laid constantly. 10 years later he still has intimacy issues, still has the same skinny body, and I've moved on and am finally happy with my own physique after a lot of self-work. I'm attracted to all sorts of body types but, ironically, find bigger men more attractive. I know many gay men who want to find a man so they don't have to keep up the body, as if suddenly they won't fear judgement on that day. EDIT just to say: You are such a masterful educator, and present such a good intersectional, feminist critique on men's issues that the world sorely needs.

@kaboomzzz

Жыл бұрын

Dude, the bear scene is dope. I’ve always liked bigger dudes, even when I was a twink (I’m a cub now, please excuse all the stupid labels, but you know what I mean) and it’s so much better than the “WeHo aesthetic” nonsense of abs and all that. Much better people, not as much bullshit drama (although there is always some no matter where you go) and bears give the best hugs. Period. Lol 😂

@McSwift0421

Жыл бұрын

@@kaboomzzz Fuckin' right? I'm the same, twink to cub and I've always liked bigger dudes. I pretty much primarily move in bear spaces now. Sucks that it's becoming a bit more "cool" to be a bear now, at least in New England, and so things like bear week have more and more White Party types who grow a bit of body hair and thing that makes them a bear.

Healing video. I’m 30 and this is stuff I’ve never had articulated this clearly and empathetically. I’m bisexual in a long term straight presenting relationship, and I’ve struggled with masculinity and my relation to it all my life.

I think I really needed to hear this today. The part about being groomed into masculinity made me cry in my car. I've never heard that before. I feel so much sadness for all the men who have never internalized that message before I can't even begin to describe how much this video has fucked me up in a good way. Thank you 🙏

There is nothing sexier than a kind and empathetic man. For me.

@fromlissawithlove

Жыл бұрын

Omg allllllllllllllllllllll of this 🥰🥰🥰

@eliasmg9144

Жыл бұрын

It reminds me of that comparison of 2 magazines with hugh jackman in the cover, where in the one that's marketed for men shows him posing as wolverine all ripped and intimidating and on the other one that's marketed towards women he looks all kind and friendly wearing a soft blue sweater. And I can confirm, he's a lot sexier on the women's magazine

@lcsquad.

Жыл бұрын

Even if he was 300 Ibs over weight

@dee-3772

Жыл бұрын

@@lcsquad.yes because weight can look differently on any man. Most women at obsessed with the number on the scale for men that’s more of a man thing.

@dr.uracil

Жыл бұрын

@@lcsquad. plenty of girls date fat dudes lol usually their dad is a charismatic fat guy haha

I get a lot of confusion from young men when they find out how much I have gotten around because as a relatively average nerd, they assume I have zero game. A big thing is having interests you are passionate about. Very seldom do I go out with a woman, even a nerdy one, that knows much about comic books, but the passion I have behind the medium and other things that I care about is something that multiple women have expressed is one of the hottest non-physical traits I have going for me, along with generally not being a misogynistic prick. I was definitely an incel in high school and college who didn't understand that despite my "nice guy" attitude, I had negative feelings about women and to seek what the relationship I thought I was "owed", I fell into pickup artist red pill nonsense. It wasn't until I got deradicalized and learned to love myself that my game started to develop and I've never been happier.

@painunending4610

Жыл бұрын

Why do women find things like passion and shit attractive? What is wrong with them? Where do I find women who aren't like that and don't give a shit about a guys having passion? I'm not that passionate of a person. I'm just not. Should I force myself to be that, to be something I am not? It's all such utter bullshit (sorry for expressing myself and being vulnerable, I know it's disgusting)

@vib2119

Жыл бұрын

How tall are you?

@justaguy7589

Жыл бұрын

it’s 55% about looks lol

@ComicDrake

Жыл бұрын

@@justaguy7589 Exactly. Even if you're not the best liquor, you have a 45% chance of winning people over by just being a good and interesting person.

@mintyhippo8125

Жыл бұрын

@@ComicDrake I was with you until you said your game improved. If you still view it as a game, I’m worried for you and your partners. (I understand it is a slang phrase for being good with women, but relationships should not be transactional. Using the word game implies manipulation and ulterior motives.) I’m glad you are doing better socially, but I hope you don’t view women as a prize to be won. It’s one thing to realize that you have put in effort to be a positive companion that people want to be around, it’s another thing to be like, “I have interests now so I win! I’ve figured out how to get women to like me!” (Please stop me if I’m being to presumptive)

I like this keep Interviewing men. I am a cis women so idk why i choose to watch this but im intrigued.

@khan507

3 ай бұрын

I think it's incredibly healthy for women (cis or otherwise) to listen to and watch videos on men. It's a step closer for us to empathise one another.

Thank you for this. I find myself seeing so much of this online discourse about marriage and partnership and idealized masculinity and femininity and wonder what universe people are living in. All the Black married couples I know are over here with our stomach pouches and stretch marks and gray hairs and messy houses just living our lives. Ain't no single income breadwinner households, ain't nobody submitting, ain't nobody cooking gourmet meals and busting it wide open on demand every night. We're doing the best we can, working a lot, raising our kids, getting it in how we can get it, fussing at each other and being in love.

@susanrichardson631

8 ай бұрын

YASSSS

@flyingdragoncar4975

7 ай бұрын

i know this is old , but thank you for this. I am a 44 year old black man and it really helped with my body image.

The entire "'winter is coming' and THEN all you [slursforwomen] will NEED us [and thus submit to our psychosexual desires permanently and without complaint]" is just such an insane viewpoint to me for so many reasons. Perhaps the most sad/odious is that, stripped of patriarchal bias, this statement is explicitly an admission that not only do they not seem to be able to get a partner unless that partner is destitute and completely dependent upon them, but they hold such a power difference to be the ideal. And they wonder why women find "traditional masculinity" detestable!

@TheSReaction

Жыл бұрын

And they tainted one of my favorite quotes from my favorite show 😒 soiled it!!! Ned didn’t have that in mind at all! Lmao.

@thomasduke3145

Жыл бұрын

The whole thing just reeks of insecurity.

@grouchypotatowolfpack5580

Жыл бұрын

"nobody could love me unless they need me." It kinda reads like that, and I kinda relate to that sentiment more than I'd like to.

@jospinner1183

Жыл бұрын

It's such a sad ideology, as it suggests that literally the only reason a woman would want a man as a partner is because of some sort of transactional necessity. Men are valuable for more than their muscles or their dick, folks! They're people!

@washada

Жыл бұрын

Ned doesn’t get enough credit for being as good as he was in such an unforgiving universe.

It's strange how much those memories of being told "boys don't cry" still hurt. Me and my best friend used to be routinely bullied throughout primary school (first 7 years after nursery/kindergarten) by the other boys in our class and I remember how whenever I cried, I kept being told by multiple different teachers (and the other boys obvs) that "boys don't cry" and whenever the bullying was brought up, they gave the hand wavey statement of "boys will be boys" and never tried to stop them, only gave us all punishments afterwards. One of the memories I still have is of being pushed down to the ground with my friend and being sat on by 2 of the heavier guys (from like a standing position, not like gently sitting down like a chair) and of the air being pushed out my lungs when they landed on me, and all that happened was that SOME of the boys (which included me and my friend) got told off and had 5 minutes taken away from the free time we had on a Friday, because after all "boys will be boys".

@devradenny8354

Жыл бұрын

I’m sorry you had to endure that with no help from the teachers or adults who were there to protect you. 🖤

@banquetoftheleviathan1404

Жыл бұрын

It was always girls who had my back at that age too with that stuff and yet guys expect some sorta gender loyalty lmfao

@tengutheterrible8491

Жыл бұрын

I'm so glad that didn't break your back or ribs, holy crap. I wish I could give your younger self a hug and chew those other boys out. No one deserves to be treated like that. As someone who is currently processing my childhood trauma, it makes all the sense in the world that people invalidating your self worth and shutting you down when you need them by telling you not to cry as a child still hurts.

@corbiecrow9738

Жыл бұрын

@@devradenny8354 yea it fuckin sucked, but not all the teachers were like that just the ones who looked after the play ground and knew first aid. There were plenty of cool teachers too (though not many of em) like the teacher who set up the chess club for me and my friend (we weren't into chess, or at least I wasn't, but it kept us out of the play ground and away from the bullies) and he also was the first teacher who succeeded in teaching me maths by teaching it through gambling games (didn't know I had ADHD at the time so I REALLY struggled with school but he got me out of the bottom maths class and into the middle one) so It wasn't all bad and there were some who genuinely cared for the kids but just not the ones on the play ground

@corbiecrow9738

Жыл бұрын

​​@@tengutheterrible8491 I'm just lucky I'm relatively sturdy and that they were young enough not to weigh too much, though I guess since I was also smaller that doesn't change too much. But thanks it means a lot to hear, I know my younger self would have appreciated that. (Also you have a really cool profile pic, massively jealous)

I was listening to the audio version of this video at about 9.30pm doing bicep curls because i feel like my biceps are not big enough and therefore i am not enough despite my 5 year training consistancy all under the gaze of looks maxxing so i can be so attractive and irresistible to all women whilest driving a fleshy Mercedes benz. I am doing all of this whilst i have to be up at 4.30am in the morning the next to get to work so i can repeat the whole cycle again. I hate to say it but i am a victim of patriarchy and i dont think i will ever stop doing this to myself because its so ingrained in me that i dont see any other way. I am not working out because i want to be healthy , i am doing it for more attention from the opposite sex. Thank you for your work, you are doing something really amazing and i wish more young man could see this.

My problem with 'be yourself' is that the self is fluid, most people are different at 15 and 25 and that's usually a good thing. I agree about the idea 'be your best self' and I think that might be why guys who get a sense of fulfilment from excercise often seem to be better both in dating and in life than guys who do it purely to 'get women'.

Had a really long talk with my partner about our experiences and masculinity (we are both trans masculine people) And we joked that we had a dad-talk with you , even though you are cis, and that helped us a lot. Then I opened comment section and found out there are so many other trans men here and it’s so funny Thank you for accidentally being our dad we needed when we were growing up

@sarahwilson7825

Жыл бұрын

Uncles are such a very important part of the village 💞and we are blessed to have F.D.'s perspective 🙏

@kds2142

Жыл бұрын

Another trans man here. Pretty comfy in my queering of masculinity but just trying to answer the age old question: "uh... y'all...are men okay?"

@Genderanarchy

Жыл бұрын

Trans masc person here to and FD has been such a positive role model in the short amount of time I’ve known his channel… he’s the honorary positive cis male role model all of us deserve in our life. His humanity and down to earth vibe, the no nonsense discussions, AND the awesome dad humor… that’s “worlds #1 dad” mug material if I’ve ever seen it

@sadscientist9995

Жыл бұрын

Trans man didn’t have a dad.. why is this not surprising

@prettyclassylady6218

Жыл бұрын

This comment is so ironic

The one year I did sports in high-school, everything changed. Had women just throwing themselves at me for one semester. I kinda didn't love it, it was an odd feeling having people who don't know you, fawning over you when they know nothing about you. So in College I joined the campus events team and I got the same attention just from being the guy that posts the fliers and takes your ticket. It all just made me realize how people can really latch onto someone as long as they get a sense that they know you somehow. So just being visible about your interests seems to go a long way...really just give people an excuse to be able to talk to you. People are weird, sometimes in a good way, they really enjoy connecting with someone new.

@relaxandfocus5563

Жыл бұрын

Or maybe you are just attractive.

I was deep in the red pill for a while and all it brought me was rage. and a nice physique ig. I learned the hard way that what the red pill teaches won't find you good relationships. if I could travel back in time 4 years and tell my 15 year old self one thing I would say "strive to be the best version of who you truly are and don't let pressure tell you what you should be" with a gun to my younger selfs head 😂

@EZMotion101

8 ай бұрын

Real

@erievhs

6 ай бұрын

Bro your 19 your good my man still ahead of the game, I was druggie at 19 I envy you lol

@nightfighter7452

4 күн бұрын

You've lost nothing major at only 19 years old. Teenagers are always annoying in some way😂

You really nailed it man, confidence and self love is everything. However the road there isn't a quick fix. It took me years of therapy and a lot of self examination and inner work before I could even think loving myself and being comfortable in my own skin was possible. But it is possible, so anyone in a dark place, please keep this in mind and remember, hope and compassion will illuminate the path forward, no matter how fake it might feel to believe so.

@painunending4610

11 ай бұрын

I didn't have self love or confidence. People treated me like I was invisible So I worked to build my self love and confidence. People still treated me as invisible Your experience is not universal mate. Self love and confidence didn't change anything for me

@redj1101

11 ай бұрын

@@painunending4610​​⁠​⁠​⁠I see you replying to a lot of comments here. I get the impression that you’re struggling with something, and I extend my compassion to you. It’s great that you’ve worked on your self-confidence and self-love. I know what hard work that is, and I commend you for that. I’ve been working on the same thing for years now. Still, I know I have a long way to go. Sometimes I care too much about what other people think of me. Truly secure people aren’t preoccupied by what other people think of them because they know that they’re valuable in and of themselves. I hope to be that secure one day, and I believe you can get there too. Same to anyone else who reads this. We got this!

As a 5'8 man I really appreciate the transman talking about his acceptance of height. I've run into the same shit. A woman once told me if I were 2 inches taller, I'd be an 8/10. I fell into this trap of because I was on the shorter side, and women wouldn't like me (many won't) I even nearly fell down the rabbit hole of being an incel/nice guy and would neg women. It either didn't work or if it did the kind of women I'd attract weren't OK themselves and I was perpetuating an abusive cycle. Was I stopped caring about my height focused on finding common interests and most importantly treating women like people and not objects. That went a long way. Women are people and young men get conditioned to see women as a prize or symbol of value. Yet at 17 and 5'6 at the time I managed to date a woman who was 6 foot tall and looked like a model. Confidence, general interest and being interesting went further than my physical self ever did. Edit: also for people think money is what makes a man valuable that's a condition of capitalism. I highly recommend the book "why women had better sex under socialism".

@Mienarrr

Жыл бұрын

❤

@Longestspring

Жыл бұрын

The reason why you felt so shit wasn’t because you are short. It’s because you are a broke wagey that’s short. 😅 get your funds up

@nicholascharles9625

Жыл бұрын

@John Milton low effort troll dude. You know nothing about me and my "funds". Even if I were broke how is that an indictment on me and not the society that refuses to offer a basic standard of living to everyone?

@mainao3443

Жыл бұрын

5'8 isn't even that short, just one inch behind the average height, talk when when your at the low end like 5 - 5'4

@birdiewolf3497

Жыл бұрын

Really? At 5'8? Aren't most women like 5'4 (in the US)? As a woman I am typically the tallest in the group and I am also 5'8. I kinda assumed the problems start at like 5'6.

Woman love Keanu Reeves and Pedro Pascal. They aren't looks maxed or whatever- they're genuinely nice dudes. They're funny, they're respectful, they're kind. Yeah they're decent looking but they aren't like unattainable types of male beauty. The Keanu and Pedro type of attractiveness is SO ATTAINABLE for regular men, because that's just what they are. They seem safe, they seem like allies, they seem like they'd be respectful and pleasant to talk to. The roles people love them in are the ones where they have a wholesome, soft side. Yeah they both have Protector or Badass Warrior roles as well, but even then those roles are grounded in a decent guy character. All you have to do is be decent. Pedro being a trans ally makes him 400000% more attractive to me, it's BADASS that he doesn't care what any stodgy old bigots say he just stands by what he thinks is Right. It's punk af to be kind. It's manly as hell to respect others and stand up for them. NEITHER of them are ripped or anything but you'd have an easy time finding women online who'd jump at the chance to get with them. It's easy to go to the gym and flex in the mirror and push the Patriarchal Standards with the entire force of society behind them. It takes much more strength not to go with that pressure and to be kind when the societal mob is encouraging men to be misogynist or to stifle their own emotional development, etc. Men who don't ascribe to toxic masculinity and harmful patriarchal ideas are SO attractive as partners and friends and colleagues.

@claynorth964

Жыл бұрын

uh, both those men are EXTREMELY traditionally handsome.

@rimaq_

Жыл бұрын

​@@claynorth964yes, but not the sigma/alpha male stereotypical, which is what they mean. They are those huge chin, ripped muscles. They lean, even old now. But what appeals for them is the care and compassion. That's why all "attractive" guys in Hollywood do more romcoms than action, the sensitive personality is more attractive than anything else

@demidevilqueen

Жыл бұрын

@@claynorth964 If you followed any of the fandom surround them, especially Keanu Reeves you'll see a lot of the fascination with him has very little focus on him being attractive. Especially when you see the content itself. It's less Keeanu posing and flexing, and it's more him pouting, laughing, saying nice things, expressing himselves. And lots of clips from movies where the character he's portraying is showing vunerability. I think for a lot of men they hyper-focus on the attractiveness of other men, but they don't actually pay attention to how those attracted to those men, actually see them. Sometimes being "hot" is a + but that's all it is. An extra topping on the actual meal itself.

@nik-at-nite

Жыл бұрын

Aside from them, I think Adam Driver is sexy lol

@martinebonita2658

Жыл бұрын

​@@claynorth964 I need you to Google image search those guys, then look at them. Really just genuinely *look* at them. They are both Just A Guy, in terms of looks. Think of the average guy around you, then look at their candid photos. Those two guys are Just Guys. Everything that makes women go rabid for them cannot be purely just their looks.

In a world where young men in society are beginning to reject these messages and seemingly are returning back to a conservative mindset. I really feel like your content helps the youth, especially the minorities on how to liberate our mind and embrace who we are as opposed to conforming our minds to what is “socially accepted”. I am a big fan of this bro, as a 20 year old mixed raced young man, social media has been riddled with these right wing opinions and messages that try to oppose the “woke agenda being pushed” and when you dive into this stuff with such a young and impressionable mind, you tend to start to believe what these right wings media faces have been saying. Your content has really helped me grasp who I am and originally intended to be as well as giving me a better understanding of what I believe is right! Keep going!

@painunending4610

11 ай бұрын

He still wants you to conform to what is socially acceptable, just what HE thinks is socially acceptable

@killerkrok55

9 ай бұрын

​@@painunending4610 i was gonna say the same thing and that according to him he was young and impressionable.... like your fucking 20. You still are. To the OP: Stop letting political activists dictate what you should think is right by giving you an answer to a question you havent had the chance to workout on your own. My advice to you is get out of the left/right, individualist/collective bullshit that is pushed to the forefront, and go do your own searching and researching to make up your "own" mind on issues. Check out both side when you hear some wild shit and check the middle to see if it true or false. Following along is how you become a lamb lead to slaughter. Wish you the best.

@Gta4isgarbage

4 ай бұрын

​@@painunending4610Not really, he's stating out facts and lettings us decide for ourselves. To which most agree with.

Also I’m so grateful for all the ppl in the video willing to be vulnerable and share their inner monologues. That’s wild and commendable ❤

Personally in my experience, having friends that are girls was probably the biggest single eye opener when it comes to understanding women 😂

@Scerotic

Жыл бұрын

Ironically

@maxvoloshin_nefariousaquarius

Жыл бұрын

Me as well. Seeing how they see the world and experience social situations is eye opening.

@painunending4610

11 ай бұрын

I have female friends and still don't 'understand' women because that's a flawed concept

@Scerotic

11 ай бұрын

@@painunending4610 lol what do you mean

@Loveydoveyl

9 ай бұрын

@@SceroticI think maybe he means like just bc you’re surrounded by women and welcome their energy doesn’t mean you’ll ever full understand what it’s like to be a woman and the way they see/experience the world. Correct me if I’m wrong tho!

Your point about loneliness is truth. I wasted too much time (and women's time) trying relationships hoping the woman would "fix" me when I really needed to work on my own shit first.

@petermj1098

Жыл бұрын

The Manosphere literally says the same thing. The redpill concept isn’t just about relationships with women, it’s about relationships with humanity itself. The reason the manosphere talks about relationships with women the most because many men are stuck being very emotional and dependent and simping over women.

@painunending4610

11 ай бұрын

At least a woman desired you. I've worked on myself and still can't achieve that

@susanrichardson631

8 ай бұрын

All of us need to better understand this about ourselves. Self-awareness has become a lost art for many people and I'm glad that you found it.

@susanrichardson631

8 ай бұрын

​@@painunending4610I'm sorry you're going through this. For some of us it takes longer than others. I thought I was self-aware in my thirties and it turned out I was wrong. Perhaps you have more to learn more growth is coming or maybe you simply have not met your person yet.

@honeymoney23

5 ай бұрын

Being man enough to admit this is 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🔥

There is very little I can say to add to this with how well this covered this topic. I especially appreciate the "put a finger down" bit, and specifically the mention of being told not to cry, as not only have I been groomed with that anti-crying rhetoric, it has been drilled into me to the extent that I am miserable and severely depressed because I have so much trauma I have not processed because I don't have the willpower to let myself process it if another person is in the room, which subsequently has made going to therapy and being able to open up during therapy equally difficult. We, as men collectively, are the ones who ultimately do the most damage to ourselves by spreading the rhetoric we grew up with, and we need to recognize that so we can stop the cycle and try to make some progress both for ourselves and generations after us.

@mayguardian1

Жыл бұрын

something that helped me a lot was talking with trans men and hearing them say that they found it harder to get in touch with their emotions when they started T. knowing that my past trauma wasn't the whole cause of my emotional issues allowed me to be much more patient with myself. one thing i'd suggest is to start with laughter. when ur alone and see a funny video or something, let urself laugh out loud. personally it was less easier for me to laugh then cry, and expressing my emotions outwardly one way made it easier to bridge the gap and let myself cry.

1:20:42 THIS IS HUGE!!! as a trans man who i think presents in a very masc kind of passing but not too hard way with my gender, having a woman, and a straight one at that, being into you is a very validating experience because the internalized default setting of patriarchy kind of tells you that's the goal in being a man which is to have a woman desire you. i am bisexual with a masc lean but there was a point in my transition where i attracted a lot of girls and i thought huh maybe this means i am straight or more into women but i think this sums up perfectly my experience with dating and my gender validity.

Confidence as a trait of a desirable man is not "I can do anything, I'm so cool"-confidence, but "I'm comfortable enough with who I am that I don't feel attacked or a need to constantly conform myself to other people's standards"-confidence. It's confidence as a sign of emotional maturity. And it's emotional maturity that is attractive. I was initially attracted to my partner because he asked me questions and listened. Not to correct me, or debate or argue with me, or as a springboard to talk about himself. He was genuinely interested in what I had to say. I was in my mid twenties at the time and had never been listened to, really listened to before. There's something inherently attractive in being seen as a person, not a means to an end. When people want something from you; you know. And it's immensely off-putting.

@FocusedFighter777

Жыл бұрын

WE keep pointing everything to these guys but they won't ever listen. They'll go listen to hours of BS from other men instead. Endless cycle.

@mario125ww

Жыл бұрын

There's more to it than just listening lol. I do that all the time with women and get none. Trust me, women want more than just that

@delneus

Жыл бұрын

I agree with and understand what you're saying but I think it's worth being mindful of how much of an uphill battle socializing and particularly pursuing relationships can be for men. Rejection and rarely getting comparable experiences of being approached or having interest shown towards you that you put out towards women, makes how men gamifiy pursuing relationships makes sense. Not making excuses for bad behavior. I'm 27 now and I can't think of a time when a woman expressed romantic interest in me in a way that made me feel felt appreciated/respected, let alone a way that made me think this person sees my humanity.

@painunending4610

Жыл бұрын

I am confident No woman's ever been attracted to me People will disagree with this comment and try to refute it without knowing my experience, but I'm CONFIDENT about it and that's attractive right?

@mario125ww

Жыл бұрын

@@painunending4610 confidence isn't attractive to women. Game is or what I call charisma. Learn some lines and flirting techniques. Just being sure of yourself isn't good enough

I genuinely wish you nothing but success because boys and young men need creators like you to counteract all the Andrew Tates and Manosphere idiots out there and girls and young women need to understand the kind of respect and treatment they deserve from their men

@TimXDDDD

Жыл бұрын

What kind of respect and treatment do men deserve from women?

@marvin2678

Жыл бұрын

creator like this ? nah hell no

@theofficialvernetheturtley338

Жыл бұрын

"We need WOMEN to dominate how MEN should act." I highly disagree.

@mrfish.-

Жыл бұрын

@@theofficialvernetheturtley338 Is that seriously how you interpreted that paragraph ?! 💀

@internetstranger-

Жыл бұрын

​@@theofficialvernetheturtley338 you should get your eyes and brain checked asap

No lie you probably one of the realest niggas I follow on god 💪🏾🙏🏾 I hope you keep hustling dawg

The finger game is a great way of showing how trans people are sociallized as the gender opposite to their identity growing up. As a trans woman, I put every finger down, and am still trying to unlearn the behaviors instilled in me for "being a boy".

@DecadentGirl

3 ай бұрын

hey hun. could you go a bit into the unlearning? just curiousity from a fellow trans girl.

Your hobby advice is so right!!! I started crocheting, just doing a project here and there, and you would be surprised by how many people are into it, how many friends you can make, and get some partners if that's something you want! It gave me a new confidence, no joke, and I'm so happy you brought it up. Hobbies need to be prioritized and unmonetized!

@FogofWar69420

Жыл бұрын

I cannot agree more. I have several hobbies and a big part of why I enjoy them is that I will never monetize them. It's fine if others hustle, but I'm not hustling. I'm enjoying my life.

@idontneedaname318

Жыл бұрын

Crocheting ironically is mostly done by women so I imagine you were just Drowning in pussy/s

@sadscientist9995

Жыл бұрын

Yeah I’m sure crocheting will get you tons of females 🤣 yes hobbies are attractive… the question is what hobbies actually attract women. Working out does, because women like more muscles and less fat… fit men. If you want someone to talk about crocheting with, find a friend. If you want to attract women, make yourself attractive. Learn female psychology and what they respond to. Get in shape. Make some money. Get a degree etc. unlike what leftist push, there are tangible steps you can take to make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex

@isiiies

Жыл бұрын

@@sadscientist9995 I’m more attracted to someone who crochets and is into other creative hobbies than someone who spends a lot of time in the gym and only cares about making money. Stop generalising and hang out with different kinds of people

@sadscientist9995

Жыл бұрын

@@isiiies when did I say they only care about money? There are General truths in the world so generalizing can be fine when it’s true.

oh boy. looks like its time for yet another nuanced deep dive on an issue I have been struggling with my whole life that will make me painfully re-evaluate my own position for the next couple weeks. very much dreading/looking forward to it.

I have never commented on youtube, but it is very important to me to tell you how good and important I find your video. you give me hope that this vicious circle will end in my lifetime.

This the best “Be yourself” Message I ever seen

I think the biggest takeaway I got from this video (though not to underscore all the other things said that were also extremely helpful and made me feel better) was said near the end. If you are feeling lonely, a relationship is not going to fill whatever is ailing you. I have struggled a lot with self-love as a big guy that has gone through traumatic experiences with bullying. I definitely need to find some way to love myself first before trying to find someone to dump that emotional burden on. This video came at a perfect time for me, so if you're reading this, thank you FD.

@yasiercurtis5342

Жыл бұрын

Wow that's crazy bro, but did I ask?

@AD-dg3zz

Жыл бұрын

​@@yasiercurtis5342 who tf are you?

@5FT6MAN

Жыл бұрын

i agree the black pill saved my life

@yasiercurtis5342

Жыл бұрын

@@AD-dg3zz Realty speaking. Who tf are you

This was an incredible video! As an asexual woman, it really shed light on many topics that I hadn't given that much thought to before! It made me think of a conversation I had with a coworker of mine: So I work with this guy. He's gay, married to another gay man and he's also a gym bro, they both are. Now he is a full Disney adult in a very specific way, which is that not only has he watched every marvel movie like it's his religion, not only does he want to fuck them all (and won't stop talking about it) but he also uses these characters/actors as inspiration for his personal masculinity. He is always at the gym, has a diet that is probably about 50% protein shakes and is physically very strong and imposing. And he has told me! That his goal is to look like Captain America, because he is really attracted to him and wants to emulate that. He has even convinced his husband to start working out intensely as well to attain this (unattainable) body type. One time, he had been sick and told me that, after he had taken a warm bath to feel better, his husband had gotten lowkey mad at him because that was "too gay". I immediately thought that was super controlling and weird, but he agreed! He said that normaly he would have never done it cause it was embarassing but that he was sick as a dog and really needed it. And I was like bro that is CRAZY like FULLY INSANE!!!!!! What is this masc4masc bullshit you guys have got going on??! Like love yourself at some point!! You ARE gay! You're BOTH gay! You're married to a man!! And a BATH is too gay??? I found it really telling that making sexual comments about men truly all the time (like to the point where it is innapropiate for work) is fine, because it "fits" with the sexually pro-active personality that we assign to men, but taking care of yourself was seen as embarassing... (Also a WHOLE lot of internalised homophobia going on there but they are weird guys so it's their bullshit whatever) Anyway thanks for this video! Really interesting!!

@earlsaverson5387

Жыл бұрын

Patriarchy is so persistent that even fully open gay men still don't want to be "too gay". That shit's crazy. Was talking to a gay dude at work about Florida banning trans talk from their schools, and along the way he drops a line like "I don't want my sexuality all over the media." It's like masculinity still has some masc gays in a second bigger closet or somethin.

@anaischampignon4455

Жыл бұрын

@@earlsaverson5387 yeah fully! This same dude went on the "nowadays everybody has a different label I identify as an attack helicopter" spiel and I was like dude that is your people!! Why are you trying to distance yourself and your family and community? But I had never thought about the "groomed to be lonely" aspect that FD brought up... I feel he has hit the nail on the head

@Shaytan.666

Жыл бұрын

@@anaischampignon4455 you would be surprised by how discriminating and judgmental the lgbtq community can be sometimes

@anaischampignon4455

Жыл бұрын

@@Shaytan.666 I mean I'm in it so it's more like... I am disappointed but in this case I feel it comes less from problems within the community and more problems with the way we raise men. Like for sure the gay male community especially has a complicated relationship with masculinity but it's more cause of patriarchy and less cause of an intrinsic property of gayness

@BlackXSunlight

Жыл бұрын

Being a Disney adult is the most like derogatory gay thing one can be and a bath was pushing the limits??? It's so lonely being gay fr fr, half these dudes are six degrees of separation from reality to the point that even talking to them feels like regressing.

This is a fantastic video. I’ve been struggling with body image my whole life, but particularly the last year, as I had to take a hiatus from the gym and gained a ton of weight cause I was still eating like I was heavy weight training. I’ve talked to my wife, and no matter how many times she tells me she prefers the body I have now, it’s hard for me to accept cause of the toxic masculinity permeating through everything in this end-stage capitalist hell. Thanks, FD, for putting this out. Also, we need to take a moment to acknowledge something: male attractiveness has been under attack for a while now, well over a decade, and men have been desperate for relief and reassurance and a way out of this echo chamber constantly trying to tell us we need to be better, we need to be bigger, stronger, more sexual, etc. But we really need to take a minute to recognize that women have been subjected to this psychological warfare for DECADES. Centuries, even. If men are exhausted and miserable, just think how women feel…

@dtb8663

3 ай бұрын

☝🙌🙌🙌🙌

This has to be the best channel for intersectionality in men's issues

I've had a number of chats with male friends in my life about this topic and the number one thing I always have reiterated to all of them is that they need to talk to and treat women like they are actual people. They all had the same "men are from Mars women are from Venus" attitude towards women and they kept wondering why it was so hard for them when trying to date. The moment they started interacting with girls like they were boys, i.e. as equals, drastic improvements in their dating experiences and general ability to interact. A lot of men have deeply dehumanizing attitudes towards women and it holds them back massively more than anything else. Getting them to break through that barrier I've often found is the first real step for them not just to be happier with women, but to ditch their patriarchal upbringing.

@FocusedFighter777

Жыл бұрын

10000% but they won't LISTEN. How long have we been saying this, and how long yet do we need to repeat this? They have massive amount of books/videos/friends/coaches telling them otherwise: and they believe THEM instead of us. It's insane. No logic! WHY follow men's advices when OBVIOUSLY if they were working, a lot less men would be having trouble? They're ruining it for themselves but also making women hate them all: but of course then it's still our fault. Young boys (and more men) are getting radicalised by the likes of Tate, Peterson etc. There are so many out there! They have huge fanbases and it spreads like a virus.

@FocusedFighter777

Жыл бұрын

@Cougnaud Services I don't know if you're joking or.... How do you treat guy friends? Like human beings?? I love video games, been playing since I was a little girl (and I'm F good at them). I don,t scare easily at all, despite popular belief that all women do. Love comic books. I love to draw too. Love to write parodies about games I like. I fart, burp and laugh about myself like any balanced human being is capable of doing. I love gore. I love to make people laugh and I am good at jokes. I love science. Love dinosaurs. Love all sorts of movies that ''only men like'' etc. Put down those stereotypes. Sure some women exist that ARE the opposite and are just made of stereotypes: but a lot of guys are also this. It ruins it for everyone. But women differ from each other, just like men can. There are so many things that men and women can have in common: but toxic people make it seem like the tiny gap is instead a very huge one: as if we come from different galaxies..... To give you an idea, when I was a kid I wanted to become a professional sniper....No man on this earth would ever think that of a little girl, and yet..... Or an archaeologist. And due to playing Resident Evil from so young, I wanted to become a virologist too! All those things that girls/women want: BECAUSE WE'RE HUMANS TOO.

@Prince_Sharming

Жыл бұрын

This is 100% the answer. So much of the toxic masculinity pipeline is built upon the belief that women are objects to be pursued, not humans. When I went through that, as a young man, compared to how I am now, it's sickening how I used to think about women.

@veelogation3890

Жыл бұрын

@ThePi314Man I (growing up as a girl) went to an all-girls school and was quite introverted so I barely talked to anyone at my school let alone men much at all (outside of family/teachers) until I went to uni. When I did go, I remember being around so many men (and women) and at first having that culture shock, then realising I should just treat them like I did women. Which was like people who happen to have gender rather than gender first. I'm glad that clicked for me so quickly, that being immersed in that environment really helped. It's much easier to have conversations where you actually get to know someone if you treat them like a person first. So I related weirdly much to this for having been in such a different situation. It's much more challenging if your background/the people around you don't treat people as people first regardless of gender, because they reinforce that behaviour in everyone around them. So there's some uphill battle there if you're surrounded by toxic people. But your mind is your own, no-one else can see into it and no-one else has any right to it.

@abronanimation8671

Жыл бұрын

Im dying because multiple times my guy-friends have asked me why a girl didn't like something they did, and I'm like "well you're a person. Would YOU like it if someone came up behind you and touched your back in a weird way? Or made a weird comment about your appearance? Or tried to explain to you your own taste in music?" and they're just flabbergasted. "but it's different, I'm a dude." and its like nah bro, you're a human and she's a human. Try something crazy and give anthropomorphizing women a shot.

As a bisexual/pansexual male who has been in plenty of straight and gay relationships, that "gay male have more body issues and self-esteem problems" take hits hard. It's always funny to me when people say "just go gay" to straight lonely men because if you know, you know. A lot of guys I've dated have almost obliterated my self-esteem especially since many just see me as a "dom" or "top" and want me to treat them that way since I'm 6'4 and somewhat attractive and they never want me to show my emotions or feminine side. Meanwhile, I've had much more success with women because they allow me to show my more feminine side in an emotional sense but not always in the physical. I still struggle with body image issues but at least my self-esteem isn't just completely shattered because I'm not an emotionless sex robot and can express my beliefs with my fiancee.

@LL_main

Жыл бұрын

good lord I wish I could just go straight hah

@kellharris2491

Жыл бұрын

I feel like we all have so many hang ups about sex and identity.

@WillACarpenter

Жыл бұрын

​@@LL_main it's just as weird over there my friend

@neptuneamaru5649

11 ай бұрын

I'm straight and as a teenager my biggest insecurity was that a girl wouldn't want me due to my penis size. Being black, I thought black men were supposed to be hung like horses and if not, then I wasn't a real man worthy of love. It took therapy and understanding that preferences are complex and based on individuals that that's a lie and learning the racist history of the BBC myth really drove home that I didn't and shouldn't need to subscribe to that standard and be happy with myself and body.

i Like hearing balanced discussions like this. Gives off a zen like feel in a world of ads and chaotic media

Man, this shit is so spot on. The gym/physique/appearance topic for men REQUIRES this hour and a half worth of nuance and context. I also love kickboxing/muay thai but I don’t use it to go pick fights. I love lifting weights and the feeling of getting gradually stronger and looking aesthetic. But I don’t chase the cartoonish Gigachad physique. There are so many levels to this shit, and you nailed all of them 👏 🔥.

I am a 15yo boy and stuff like this is really important never in my life have I had a girlfriend almost everyone I know has. I have been rejected seven times, but I still find find happiness within myself at the end of the day! Thank you for making videos like these F.D.

@yasiercurtis5342

Жыл бұрын

Well friend, I do hope you you forget about this useless girlfriend endeavor and focus on your future. If anything, girls don't want broke people.

@MsFeyCreature

Жыл бұрын

I know it's cliché but you have lots of time. There will be more new people and big changes and tbh there will be more rejection. I've been rejected a lot. It sounds like you're already on the right track, though, and that self-determined happiness is a lot more stable than the average high school relationship.

@BooksandLooksTV

Жыл бұрын

There will be someone who accepts you for you at the right time.

@samersuleman4523

Жыл бұрын

@@yasiercurtis5342 Idk why you’re telling a 15yr old that girls don’t want broke people as if teenagers are adults with careers @Pinnygames it’s dope to see someone your age watching this content! I had similar challenges at your age. I’m 23 now and I’ve found comfort & success in all my interactions by taking ownership of all my identities. No one can tell me how much of a man I am/am not. No one/nothing can validate my sexuality. Only I can. When I stopped feeling like I had to prove myself or have something to show, I developed a confidence that’s connected me to a lot of great people in my life. And I started this at 17! Best of luck to you on your journey

@stripedpolkadots8692

Жыл бұрын

You’re 15, i know it may not feel like it but you’re still young! And don’t worry, im not gonna invalidate you. At this stage of life, companionship does feel very important and i would suggest focusing on forging strong friendships! Those are so fulfilling, and they aren’t any lesser than a romantic relationship. Keep working on yourself and doing what you love. You’ll be happier and love yourself more for it at the end of the day, and i know it’ll sound cliche but doing so really does help you find a partner easier (but that shouldn’t be your main reason for doing this!). Best of luck man, glad you find happiness within yourself everyday, seriously wish I was like that as a teen.

As a young brown man in his mid 20s shedding his hetronormative skin do be my authentic self, there is nothing but absolute love I have for everyone in this video and other videos within the black, left adjacent spaces.

@rapmusicplugpod

Жыл бұрын

Happy to hear this bro!

@hitto8863

Жыл бұрын

"heteronomative" this what ruined everything

@someonethereQ

Жыл бұрын

@@hitto8863 how so? heteronormativity in south and south western asian culture is very rampant

@adghat7819

Жыл бұрын

What is hetronomative?

Hey man, I just wanted to thank you. After going through the whole video I really got a chance to view different perspectives on this matter and I can say that, moving forward, I'll be able to work on myself with a lighter heart and with purpose.

I think it's also important to recognize that being in a relationship doesn't have to be a goal in your life. Like even if you don't have the perfect partner or a partner at all you can still pursue happiness in life.

@nightfighter7452

4 күн бұрын

I was being salty before but yeah, I still agree 😂

Watched on Nebula and can confirm its a banger🔥 Dont want to spoil for those who haven't seen yet but as a young guy still figuring his shit out this was very reassuring and I think that is what a lot of us are seeking, just assurance that we are going to be okay, that we're not our worst insecurities, that there are people, girls, enbys, guys, who are attracted to who we are right now and who we are going to grow into. So thank you FD and everyone in the video who contributed and this wider community as a whole for being a safe space for growth and reflection.

@LatinaCreamQueen

Жыл бұрын

The best thing I've ever heard is: if you were a cartoon character, there will always be someone who goes "guys... Hear me out but..."

@j.j.dragon9482

Жыл бұрын

@@LatinaCreamQueen I don't quite understand what this means, could you please clarify?

@calmcnutt481

Жыл бұрын

@@j.j.dragon9482 If I'm catching it right, the idea is that there will always be someone out there to champion your good qualities. In a lot of fandoms, there's that one character a lot of people hate, but there's also plenty of people who will defend the character and talk about what they liked about them.

@j.j.dragon9482

Жыл бұрын

@@calmcnutt481 That is definitely a comforting thought.

@NextChapterRapper

Жыл бұрын

🔥

was an honor to be a part of this! great video!

@NaritaZaraki

Жыл бұрын

It was great hearing your perspective and experiences in this discussion! ^_^

I’m so grateful for your perspective You really made me feel better about myself I’m a cisgendered woman leaning more towards androgynous presenting and I’ve had so many problems with both men and women when it comes to desirability so the way you broke it down gave me a fresh perspective and also validated a perspective i hold. Thanks Unc 😊