“Limerance can’t take hold if you’re happy” so helpful, thank you!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

I'm so glad it was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy

In my case Limerance "attacks" when I feel unfulfilled in life and I'm spiralling into depression. Now that I know it helps me keep track of my mental health :)

Gosh I wish I could find a theripist that understands CPTSD.

@breathinggreen2790

Жыл бұрын

So do I. The other thing is someone who has been through it themselves.

I wish non-romantic limerance was talked about more. I think that can be even more complicated and it's rarely addressed. The writer of the example in this video seems to have both issues, but is young enough to sort it out before it becomes a major set-in pattern/problem.

@roxydee1452

Жыл бұрын

Exactly! Society seems to act like if there wasn't romance or intimacy, it didn't matter. Same goes for toxic relationships and even abuse, this can take place in "friendship" also.

@StephieGsrEvolution

Жыл бұрын

@@roxydee1452 right! Not just friendships, but anyone, even entertainers never met in person. And unless someone is being stalked, it's not taken seriously and shame builds.

I’m definitely limerant with friends. I put some of them on a pedestal and hang my self-worth on their attention. One of them didn’t invite me to their bday party last year (could have been a total accident) and I lost my God damn mind. It sucks!! Working on this issue and your videos help. Thank you!! ❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

It sounds like you're in the right place. Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@meeraraj0

Жыл бұрын

Happen to me all the time. You are beautiful. Hope you find your people ❤

@teresavalenza9609

Жыл бұрын

@@meeraraj0 You too!!!

She mentioned in another vid, that Limerence is like pouring concrete on the engine of your life. That is exactly how it feels and the struggle I have with my LO. I really wouldn't wish this on anybody. The emotional roller coaster can really wear me out.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

I hear you. You're in the right place and we're all sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Two young (30 something) couples met me (70, windowed, eclectic, potty mouth) on a beach in Puerto Vallarta. We CLICKED. The ease of communication, the similar likes, the depth of fast moving conversations. And the best part for me, their adorization of me as an older Great Spirit Beast. We did not exchange contact information. I When I try to explain the connection to others, I just cry, and can't explain how they filled up my need bucket.

@RubysDude

Жыл бұрын

I get it man. I'm 52 and my LO is 28. Young enough to be my Daughter but she drives me crazy. I don't feel 52, but when I'm around her I feel like I'm still 30. Sometimes it's hard to look at myself as getting older and maybe it's the younger generations that make us feel like we're still young at heart. At least that's how I feel sometimes. I cry often myself knowing my age is a factor for her but I don't know how much. This limerence thing hit me like an asteroid. I wonder if I'll ever be right again. Hang in there friend. Be grateful that you all had a nice time together. And cherish the memory. Crying is not bad. I find it therapeutic sometimes. You wouldn't be human if you didn't feel those emotions.. Take care, God bless..

@beckythornton6470

Жыл бұрын

@@RubysDude 24 years?? Oh dude, yes you should worry. You already worry.

@ReginaMcNeish

Жыл бұрын

@@beckythornton6470 do you think that’s helping someone??? Are you okay? You sound like you must be going through something to say something like this… here’s a little help. How about encourage him to get out and meet people to get his mind off this issue he’s having. To read a grown man is crying over women means there is some form of loneliness and loneliness can kill someone’s. There are lots of encouraging things to say to someone. This was NOT one of them. In fact it almost seems cruel. This is why I’m can only conclude you are Youngs and hurting too….🤨

@ReginaMcNeish

Жыл бұрын

@@RubysDude you can be “right agin” and even better than before cuz you have wisdom and experience on your side. Do not fight against time you will lose. This is a situation that helped bring to light you needing a change. I do not know your situation but I feel for you and can tell you that there are many things to do to help you find what you are longing for. Sometimes we get caught up in stagnation and familiarities that are not soul expanding. It takes something or someone to help us see it. The question is why are you crying and how can you address it in a way that will help you feel better. I recently moved to a whole other state and had no one to talk to, plus the Rona was just ending and people were and STILL ARE afraid. So it’s been hard to make friends at first. I reflected upon the things that made me feel happy and recognized I use to love to dance. I got involved with tango and salsa and met different people all different ages. I recognized that as I have gotten older I have lost agility in my body and wanted to gain that back. As we get older people tell us to sit and that is a quick sentence for death and I say NOT TODAY. I also have terrible medical condition and it makes you want to stay home but you can not do that though the medical field will say other wise (but they are only concerned about their money and not you) so I started to work on my gut health and move more. You are only 52 and that’s a great age to get back into the gym and reconnect with your body. I also got into speed reading and am learning how to sew. I recognize that I have a lot I have to learn. I am not in my 50’s but it will come someday and I’ll be d@mend if let it catch up to me mentally and physically. I can do nothing against time itself but I can sure befriend it.. I hope that helps..❤

@RubysDude

Жыл бұрын

@@ReginaMcNeish Thank you for your kind words. I chose not to respond to her opinion because it doesn't matter. She can have her opinion. She might be hurting too.. I can only pray for her.. I feel what I feel for my LO because I'm lonely and she provides what I don't get from an actual relationship. It's all in my head but being an only child has probably fostered some of how this has come about. I've always been in my own little world.. I work about 11 hours out of the day and take care of an aging Father. Leaving very little time for a relationship. I'm single again due to bad choices I made about 15 years ago and it came with dire consequences. I could go on and on about it but it would take forever. Limerence just happened. I can't explain it. It never happened to me like this with anyone. Ever... I've always had crushes on girls my entire life but this time it's a whole new ballgame. I like to say my LO makes me happy, but it's a very empty happiness. Thus come the tears. If I had options I guess I'd consider them, but for now limerence is all I have.

Definitely happens. I always find that the people it happens with are energetic, carefree, intelligent, seemingly "whole package" people. It also comes crashing down when you realise they are superficial, incredibly selfish or narcissistic....or they are ok, they just don't like you that much 🤷‍♀️. It is never a good idea to lose yourself to other people. When I feel the pull of others, I just try to remember where I start and stop and that I'm the main character in my life

It makes sense that limerence can be for more than romance because you want to feel complete through limerence. You may want someone to be your mom or dad, or brother or sister, or son or daughter, or grandma or grandpa, or, in her case, really interesting friends.

@JohnM...

Ай бұрын

What she is describing here is insecure neediness and validation seeking. Limerance only applies to situations where one person is a Simp for the other. It also does not apply INSIDE relationships. Again, that is neediness and validation seeking.

I have a theory from my own experience so I’m sorry if I’m way off, Perhaps Madeline is looking for a parental/older-sibling figure to love and support her in the ways her parents have not. She describes him as attentive and interested in her, caring, older, intelligent and with shared interests. That attention is gonna speak to the unmet need. And from someone she admires and who ‘sees’ her. That’s huge for someone who has lacked that from family. Unfortunately since he’s not a relative, any efforts to gain that level of closeness are gonna come off as romantic interest or just inappropriate. Again, sorry if I’m misreading, this is just something I struggled with myself, especially at that age ❤

@jeannecahill318

Жыл бұрын

That’s a really good point. I think that’s part of why I have so many gay friends. I want a brother who isn’t threatening to my marriage. I’ve talked to them and my husband about that thought when it came to me.

@Laguzable

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, it seems more of like an attachment issue.

@roxydee1452

Жыл бұрын

@@jeannecahill318 100% I can relate! I have an older step-brother who just could never be the role model/ mentor I wanted or needed and it's like I'm still looking for that.

@EllenRipley42

Жыл бұрын

That's the feeling I got too.

@oiseaurebelle6422

Жыл бұрын

It could be very helpful to build friendships with other women who want to be in such a role! Especially when they are a little older

I have the same problem, with other women who are nice to me. It's not everyone, but occasionally it hits me like a truck! Thanks for the insight. I am going cold turkey, and doing some straight talking to myself!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

Sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy

I also assume that there is something narcissistic about this guy. Telling to like her in a situation like a stage although she is in a relationship - this skips boundaries. Narcissistic people love to start connection in such a way. And it seem as it was this kind of unconditional acceptance - on first sight - that drove her into limerance. No wonder, it is the deepest belonging you can have, especially when you were a high functioning child.

I think it’s a “friend crush.” It happens to me, too. Not necessarily a bad thing but it impacts us differently if we have core wounds. 🙏🏾🌷

@agceh

4 ай бұрын

Also called a "squish"

This info is out there: "Limerence can be a positive force in life, if you cultivate the life skills to honestly judge your own drives and capabilities. Limerence, when tempered by an awareness of your own vulnerability, can be a blessing."

The letter writer might reevaluate her current relationship. It just seems odd to me that she would be spending so much time thinking about this other guy and being happy whenever he showed interest in her. She is so young that maybe she needs to be on her own for a while to give her sone clarity about her current relationship.

I have experienced non-romantic limerence and for me, in hindsight, I can see how it was actually suppressed romantic limerence in each case. This may not be true for the letter-writer, but it's also possible that more will be revealed as she does this work.

@agceh

4 ай бұрын

What doe you mean by supressed romantic limerence? Im also limerend with a friend I think

Wow. A relationship with someone for 7 years but no mention of the long term relationship at the local market I mean beer joint??

Most people have terrible lives. Advertising tries to tell you otherwise, but don't fall for the lies. This life is a vale of tears. I have spent decades turning things over & over in my mind. Some of us have no family, due to the level of crap we endured. People actually hate those of us who were first hated in our family. Life is inherently unfair. Write if you can. Pray if & when you can. Try to tell yourself the truth instead of the fairy tales you get told by insensitive people. Life is very hard for a lot of everyone in some way. Yes, we can only rely on ourselves. Do what you can without distressing yourself out. Realise people who tell you something about yourself regarding your "issues", usually are making or trying to make, some sort of reward for themselves, be that financial or ego bolstering for themselves, at your expense. Life in America, UK, Australia, Canada, New Zealand is not geared toward emotional nurture. Remember this & it will help you get through another day.

@RubysDude

Жыл бұрын

Well said Kim Lec... 👍

@kimlec3592

Жыл бұрын

@@RubysDude Thank you, MarkJoseph.

So enjoy these letters about friendship. It’s an area that I struggle with, too, and have noticed that there are changes that I need to make to have the sorts of friends with the qualities that I need in life. I enjoyed Anna’s feedback about good qualities resonating in Madeline either because she didn’t have them in enough of her friends - or cultivated enough in herself. Very helpful and I’m grateful to Madeline for sharing her story. More of these please 🙏!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

I'm so happy to hear the video was helpful! I'll make sure Anna reads this :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Combination avoidance/limerence? Madeleine just hasn't blossomed into full-blown avoidance, yet? Wanting him to make the first move, romantically but wouldn't dare herself because she is afraid of rejection? Maybe had an exceptionally isolated childhood and her boyfriend is also from an abusive household and he is a caretaker? (Parent) why she is always struggling to fit in but has a "safe" place to land. I don't know. I'm feeling my way through the dark, myself. Blessings.

I alao don't think she was telling all truths here. I agree with you when she says she was happy for him, I know it hurt her.

To Madaline: Anna nailed it. You're looking at this from how it makes you feel as opposed to how your being around may affect his new relationship and I can guarantee you that his new girlfriend will not allow him to keep you as a friend as that will threaten her relationship with him. You're fooling yourself if you think any woman is going to just let you stick around only to throw a wrench in the works. My question to you is why has was there little to no mention of your childhood sweetheart relationship of 7 years that went bad. Who cheated on who first and how many times? This is very normal in childhood sweetheart relationships. I married mine and was on this same type of rollercoaster ride with her for 30 years and wouldn't recommend it, so moving on was a good decision on your part. If I was you I would concentrate on your career and stop worrying to much about a man. Become fully independent then pursue a relationship and it will be much easier for you to make connection with someone suited to you. Good luck.

The limerence is a big brother...ideal protector man -- no? great attention, treated well, attractive/fun, no strings. Fantastic, right?

Thank You 🙏 Jesus I am Loved 🥰 I am Blessed 😇 Then I Trust Jesus! 😊❤

@HappyHolyHealthyLife

Жыл бұрын

❤❤❤

Ahhh this is content I’ve been needing, you just don’t know!!! Finally

It sounds to me like the man just displayed a certain level of confidence and boldness that she isn't used to seeing, which completely sparked a romantic attraction to him within her. On top of that, she really liked certain things about him. People aren't perfect, so perhaps her boyfriend wasn't currently showing up in the most attractive way at the time, which is what could have been missing to cause her fixation on the man that acted attractive. This definitely was a romantic attraction, especially considering how much effort she was making to see him more often, KNOWING that he likes her. I think she just really wanted to maintain a friendly view of him, so she wouldn't be disloyal to her boyfriend, so she called it friendly limerence. It happens, but the important thing is that she is aware of her fixation. I think she just needs to admit to herself that while her intentions were to be platonic, that isn't what she actually felt. It's ok though, because it's what you DO with those feelings that make you a disloyal girlfriend. You either look for more ways to hang around him, which leads to more temptation, or you put a stop to being around him altogether so as to squash any romantic feelings for anyone other than her boyfriend. There is no need to feel guilt just for simply feeling an attraction. She wasn't jealous or sad that he moved away, but I think that is because she knew deep down that the temptation was gone, and that it was a good thing. That also means that she had no real connection to him, and wasn't actually limerent over him. Just felt an attraction.

@aYTaccount

Жыл бұрын

Exactly

08:43 I realised that is my case . I had several limmerence sometimes romantic and sometimes friendship cases mostly bacuse there are not many people in my life at the moment , and not very happy where I am but thibgs are not so simple however willing to do changes. Even thought is difficult and expensive través some time to time is one of my goals

Thank you so much for the wisdom

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

You are most welcome! -Calista@TeamFairy

I have had few of these relationships with these strange feelings for people. Her dad was emotionally unavailable and its a comfort to feel this way. It sounds weird but its all revolving around drinking. It is several issues combined. I am a recovering alcoholic and we are often a torando in the lives of others. Sober I can still have issues - everyone has issues. Life is much more managable. Friendships are tricky. Relationships are tricky. Its the putting one foot in front of the other and stepping on emotionally solid ground. Find some open AA meetings to find people willing to grow in life. They can help you thru these things kiddo.I guess if someone really likes me quick- they can hate me quick too. So try to see ahead and learn.

This is a new term to me but I think this is in some way what is happening to me im asexual and I have always been a loner i live with my cats and can't imagine sharing my home or space with anyone but I have recently found a group of friends on a short course I started most of them are female but there are 2 males as well and I feel the same about them all like I couldn't imagine my life without them they are all kind happy caring people and some of them are funny as well I miss them when I'm not with them and think about them a lot and the thought of not seeing them again when the course ends is really hurtful some of them I contact more than others and some of them are old enough to be my parents im not romantically interested in them but I am attached to them is this limerence or something else

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

It's hard to say from your description if it's limerence, it sounds like a lot of excitement at having new people in your life. If it is brining up a lot of fear for you, I suggest trying Anna's free Daily Practice course bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Cara@TeamFairy

@User-qn1gs1ig4q62

Жыл бұрын

I'm autistic so being with people is always a scary thing for me but sometimes I do get attached to certain people not in a romantic way but I can't explain why my childhood wasn't the best my parents divorced before I was 4 so I saw my dad once a week my mum was emotionally absent I'm not sure why but has always been judgemental and very concerned with how things look but neither of my parents knew I was autistic when I was a child they just like me knew I was different but didn't have an answer as to why

What do I do if I fear a friend has limerance towards me. She has severe ocd, alcoholism (2 years sober), and psychosis among many other mental illnesses, and we are best friends. I have a healthy relationship with visiting and chatting on a good friend basis. If I don't respond to a text it goes from that to are you okay, I'm worried about you even getting on a voice app asking if I can hear her. I moved 75 miles away and she's terrified of car rides so she has told her husband in two years she wants him to transfer to my town in the same complex to be close to me even telling him she'll head straight to me if anything happens to him. This is a lot of pressure as I have several chronic illnesses and I'm just beginning healing my CPTSD (I didn't feel safe in life until I was in my 40s I'm now on the edge of 60) with the help of your videos so I'm at a loss on how to deal with the heaps of attention and praise while I'm focusing on my journey. Any help would be amazing. I'm no stranger to limerance because I had to change gyms to stop myself from making a guy uncomfortable because I couldn't stop focusing on him and I knew he was married. That was the only way I could beat mine is by removing myself from the individual completely. Well, at least with the tools I had at the time

Omg i need this im falling in love with my bff 💔

I don't know, I friend in a similar way ;) Well, I do find it a bit odd that they see each other rarely, but she keeps thinking about him, as I'm more of 'out of sight, out of mind'. But close friends that I talk to every day? Those don't leave my mind much, the same way my immediate family does not either. I used to try to have one friend for everything in my youth, and taught myself out of that with years and therapy. But intensity never went away.

Yes, there's definitely something hidden and suppressed in this story.

What can we do if it goes the opposite way? For example o have a friend who I met through mutual friends and really never understood why we tried to have a friendship. I've realized she's a bit of a covert narc type and I think I originally thought maybe I could guide her bc I had some of the same behavior at 19. I'm 42 she's in her 30s now. But I realise she just projects and dumps and it's toxic. So I've been politely just fading out or the friendship but I still like the mutual friends but I find this one girl so insanely triggering and infuriating that I stew over it for days and have anxiety. So how do I just breathe and let it go when she's so much like my mother and I don't want to lose the other friends and def won't bash her to others or anything like that?

🌱🌏💚 KiaOra. Thank you Anna and Crappy Fams.

@dejana225

Жыл бұрын

Kia ora 🙏👍

Could be a past life connection. Brother or something in different life.i see past lives so it is very real.

Not trying to start anything, but does it make sense that she's 20 hanging out in a bar?

@terrycraig6386

Ай бұрын

At one time it was completely normal for young people being in bars.But most bars now are closed down and people smoke more marijuana now. You must be really young who wrote that op.

Hi Anna; this isn’t related to limerence, but I had a question about daily functioning. Perhaps you can put a name to this? I was talking to my sister about how I have a lot of difficulty doing things or getting myself going in the day on my own. How it’s nice to have a partner or a parent to lead the way and tell me what to do. I want to put a name to this because it can be debilitating to get myself to do anything without external motivation.

@kikitauer

Жыл бұрын

I am not Anna. But. Maybe it is just CPTSD. Or it might be autism - it is pretty common to experience feelings like this. Or a personality disorder. Or it just might be your temperament and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Do you know the reason of your pasivity? Do you have the long term goals or dreams?

@rk-nm1rw

Жыл бұрын

Codependency?

I wonder if she does this with both male and female friends or just male…? Maybe she suppresses wanting to date other people? Hard to say

Limerence sucks!!

"limerence can't take hold if you're happy" that is the problem. i hear the same advice everywhere, "just do more of what you like and meet more people" but how do i do that? where? who do i go with? who do i meet? that's the very thing i can't find in my life (which makes me feel even more miserable) i feel like this problem is designed to not be solved since i dont know how to change my situation it's like life is telling me my problems will always stick with me and there's no way of doing better in life and mentally