I never thought I would search for this video, but yes here I am. 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢

@user-eq4il1jy6c

3 ай бұрын

Same, am just stunned.

Cheaters never stop......it becomes a part of their lifestyle

You may get an apology from a cheater, but you will almost never get a sincere apology.

@beerussama6376

Жыл бұрын

Yes.

@michaelekstrom9641

Жыл бұрын

They're not sorry for doing it. They're sorry for getting caught

@israelsanchez517

Жыл бұрын

​@@michaelekstrom9641 I was about to say that!

@winebilderivalmartial2987

Жыл бұрын

Facts

@PJHEATERMAN

2 ай бұрын

Or you get the gaslighting. It's more salt in the wound.

I"ll share exactly how I handled finding out about my soon to be X wife's affair. I did everything for myself and my children. Totally ignored the X only to finalize the divorce . This literally drove her crazy,sense she was a control freak. I started surfing more,more surf trips, hanging out with family and friends. Started counseling to better myself,lost 40lbs working out more. Try these things if you find yourself with a cheating spouse,focus on yourself, mentally and physically it works.

@stacysnider4899

Жыл бұрын

We CAN bring ourselves out of the PIT the cheater tried to throw us in!!! It takes WORK but WE CAN DO IT. Self care and ignoring the ex is an awesome strategy. It drives them crazy, because as we upgrade ourselves, suddenly THEY realize we are ‘marketable’ instead of their FORMER opinion of us as yesterday’s trash. 😂

@stevehix1656

Жыл бұрын

Totally true Stacey stay strong and enjoy. Life is a beautiful journey.

@markcarr5142

8 ай бұрын

I found out my wife of 17 years was having an affair this past June. The pain is unimaginable. I lost 38 pounds, my work suffered, my mental health declined. I joined a gym, got a trainer, am gaining muscle, getting definition in my arms and chest. Women are taking notice of me, and I started taking better care of myself. Eating better, started seeing a councilor weekly, and I'm in a much better place than I was several months ago. I was frantic about trying to save the marriage, but as I've been able to step back from her, I can see that my heart no longer wants to be in this marriage. I'm waiting til after the New Year to file for divorce. I'm going to get better, and she'll be the same when I finally leave her.

@jasonbaker4120

2 ай бұрын

@@markcarr5142I too found out after 17 years of marriage around Christmas. It’s hard with 3 daughters to do whats best for them. I want so badly to ignore her and get a divorce but that would devastate them. Since finding out I have doubled down on my fitness, daughters and work. I have basically cut her out of my life but we still live together. With each day, the thought of her leaving is getting easier and easier. I sent her separation documents months ago but she has not responded.

Thank you for the advice.❤ I feel like I've been left bleeding in the gutter while my wife walks away still holding the smoking gun. This has had a profound effect on me, how I feel about myself, how I view my worth, how I view 17 years of commitment I gave to our marriage. I'm right at the beginning of healing, I still feel as if it were yesterday that I found out even though it's been a month. That month has been so awful... I feel so awful. I hope I can look back on this video some day and realise I've made progress because right now, I can't see through the fog. I can't see how I'll get through a single day while carrying this pain, let alone anything constructive. I am also sorry you went through this Lisa and anyone else reading this, it's the worst emotional pain I have ever felt and I'm sure you'll all agree. 😢

Im so hurt that she's cheating on me. We've been together for 12 years. She left and has no emotions for leaving. Im stuck in this empty house, and all the memories are here. I didn't get to leave like her. I didn't get to run away. I hate being alone.

@asya4553

8 күн бұрын

Im sorry to hear that. You can move too if you want to and start over. You seem like a good partner, her loss

I can't thank you enough. I feel like someone finally understands how i feel. When he cheated..its wasn't the affair that hurted me the most but it was his words and actions after i got to know that he cheated. I can't help but think what could i have done better, tbh i wasn't a good girlfriend either but i really loved him, if i had a chance i would do things differently but i just don't want to do things differently now for him because i feel like he doesn't even want ME. I never felt this stupid in my entire life

I look back and am a little embarrassed about how I handled the cheating...but I didn't commit any crimes & it gave me the angry fuel to get through grad school, so I won't be to hard on myself. Lol. You are so so right that the person who hurt you cannot be the person to heal you. That's so hard, because you instinctively want to turn to your spouse for help. Great talk!

I was not enough for him but I AM ENOUGH. So terribly hard navigating this. Thank you for this video. It makes sense.

@lisaarends8742

Жыл бұрын

You are MORE than enough.

@stacysnider4899

Жыл бұрын

You were enough when you were BORN. You are worthy just because you EXIST. HE is not worthy of YOU because the content of your character is ABOVE a lying cheater! You are a child of God - THAT is why you are worthy. “I am a daughter of the King.” - 2 Corinthians 6:18

@user-eq4il1jy6c

3 ай бұрын

We are both more than enough, you like I didn't ask for this, absolutely devastating.

the first few seconds alone made me cry. thank you for this. it’s so hard.

Having a hard time with anger, bitterness and resentment from what he did. I seeked and found all their messages to each other- so romantic! A hole took her on dates, bought her gifts, concerts, wrote her poems and didn’t do any of that for me! I was the house keeper, cook, babysitter etc. hurts so much! I am filled with anger. 20 years with this POS!

@lisaarends8742

Жыл бұрын

I dealt with a lot of anger too. Nothing about what you're going through is fair. I hope that you're able to use that anger as fuel to build the life you deserve.

@dailyambientandsoothingmus687

Жыл бұрын

@@lisaarends8742 Thank You Lisa. I know it will take time and also decisions from me not to let them have control of my life and my thought life. It’s such a hard and long journey! I pray for all ladies and guys who have gone thru and is going thru betrayal!

@stacysnider4899

Жыл бұрын

OMG that BREAKS MY HEART. I am shocked at these cheaters behavior! 🤬 It is SO wrong what your Ex did to you and exposing yourself to that disgusting evidence is just soul crushing. It sounds like you know how destructive holding onto (TOTALLY justifiable) resentment can be. I have done a TON of research on resentment because it is so difficult to get rid of. It just HANGS ON to torture you for something YOU are not even responsible for! If you hold onto it for too long, you will likely turn bitter. And bitterness can destroy your life! I HATE to say ‘Forgive’ because: 1. Cheaters don’t deserve forgiveness. 2. What he did was NOT O.K. 3. Cheaters often think this is a free pass to keep cheating. 4. The cheater should be giving YOU gifts like making amends and recompense. You should not be giving HIM any gifts because HE did the crime. However, the only thing I could find that helped me release the rage & resentment is saying, “I forgive.” It ALMOST KILLED ME and then it literally saved me. For REAL. This gift is for YOU - NOT HIM!! You don’t even have to tell him you are doing it! This is between you and God. I hurt SO badly when I was cheated on - I had MANY painful things that kept popping up in my head. EVERY, SINGLE TIME I started saying, “I forgive BOTH of them.” Those words were so hard to say, I almost choked trying to get the words out! You DON’T have to FEEL like saying it. I just kept saying it - It was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my ENTIRE life. I PERSISTED every time the painful thoughts would come up. It was BRUTAL but it WORKS. Forgiveness LITERALLY broke the chains that connected me to that evil and I GOT MY PEACE BACK. Forgiveness is all about YOUR HEALING. Do it for YOU. LET GO of that resentment that can TRULY eat you alive (IF you let it!) THE CHEATER TOOK ENOUGH FROM YOU - DON’T LET HIM TAKE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!! 💕

@dailyambientandsoothingmus687

Жыл бұрын

@@stacysnider4899 Thank You so much sweet girl! You know my pain because you have been thru betrayal! It hurts like a mother! I am working on letting go, forgive and not harden my heart! Thank You so much for your words of wisdom. I am asking God to help me thru this process as well b/c I can't do it on y own! I pray we will be normal one day! Normal as normal can be. blessings!

@dailyambientandsoothingmus687

Жыл бұрын

@@lisaarends8742 Thank You I am working on loving myself and finding who I am to get thru this!Thank You so much so much for yout message. Blessings

Lost my job because I chased him across the state after a fight. I wanted to fix it. He didn't want to. Blamed me and told me he didn't love or miss me. It was so out of the blue I knew something had to have happened. Found out the whole time he had someone else. Lost my man. Job, hopes, dreams, home. Everything. He took everything. Even hearing about how bad a person he is now, even now that I don't love him anymore. So why am I still sad?

@theycallmekris169

Жыл бұрын

You’re holding on to what could have been possibly or if he would’ve just stayed? Let them go and focus on you and finding your happiness.

@stacysnider4899

Жыл бұрын

I would be sad in this situation because your ex showed you just how incredibly selfish and evil people can be. I’m sorry he took ALL that - which looks like everything in the physical world. However, you keep your SOUL and Jesus is still there - so you kept the most important things. You CAN recover - it will likely take time - but it IS possible. You are already a better human being than them because you are not a lying, manipulative cheater with NO values. 👏👏👏

@AL-sg2jd

Жыл бұрын

I found out about her affair shortly after I told her I wanted to marry her and I was devastated. Two days later fired from the best job I’ve ever had because I couldn’t focus at work. It’s been one month. I was madly in love with her and she was with me but something changed it all and my life turned upside down

Thanks Lisa. I still occasionally struggle with it after almost 4 years now. Things have been much better emotionally over the past year but sometimes I just slip again and get all sad and lost feeling and have to dig myself out of the emotional hole again. My marriage lasted 35-years so I guess a long period of recovery is not unusual. I'm glad to know that you are still doing well and in a good place again. Thanks for the videos and the encouragement.

@stacysnider4899

Жыл бұрын

My heart and prayers are with you. 💗

What kills me most is my wife's parents even hate me after she cheated on me! 18 years together 3 kids built her home and she won it all!😣I forgive her I just do understand how someone has no sympathy no heart no sorrow whatsoever for someone who sacrificed everything for them! Only to find someone who makes them happier and hide the duo relationship for gains pleasure money excitement all while giving me the shortest straw of drama no intimacy insecurities and accused me of everything she was doing! I tell the kids to respect there mother no matter what but even they are depressed every time she puts him first! That's fine with me I'll take the kids and give her exactly what she want! I GOT EXACTLY WHO I NEED & THATS MY TWO TEENS & MY 12 YEAR OLD LIL MOMMA I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR! Dad will always be I'm there life matter what she decided to make my kids an option this led to them resenting her!

Thank you! In 2020, your videos helped me understand and put a name on what my cheater was doing to me and what I was experiencing. It nearly destroyed me. But watching your videos really helped in between my therapy sessions. There is nobody who gets the pain of infidelity and the signifigance of it like you do. Your videos were key to helping me through the first 9 months after learning about ex husbands infidelity. I learned what gaslighting and betrayal trauma was. Then, somehow, i found the book Leave a cheater, Gain a Life, and that helped me realize i didnt have to put up with abuse any longer. It saved my sanity. I filed for divorce and never looked back. Please keep your videos up. Your videos would be the kost useful if you had them in an order and could help a person who was newly cheated on. Like, first cover that they didnt deserve it, not their fault, then 5 stages of grief, and then teach about gaslighting and common symptoms betrayal trauma. Maybe also overt and covert narcissists, etc. Your explanation of compound infidelity really helped, as well as what a double betrayal was. Knowing the therapy terms of this stuff really helped me. Its just a suggestion, but . THANK YOU for these videos. It comforted me and educated me until i finally i summoned the courage to divorce my abuser.

I needed to hear this video today. Found out my spouse had a affair last week. I gave her everything and ive been the one whos been rasing our kids it feels like. Its all due to her phone and her living that fantasy life and not the one we created. I feel like shit and worthless. I dont forgive her and never will. She never disclosed anything nor said anything. I hope she lives with this for the rest of her life. Im will to co parent with her, but i will never love her again. Im broken

New here. This gave me that lightbulb moment with your analogy about healing after a car accident. Mine has been a long struggle and I'm now at a happier content place emotionally. Your videos are helpful to many I'm sure.

Thanks for the message. Some good points that I can relate to. The video seems to be coming from the assumption that you have made the decision NOT to try to reconcile. In my own experience, while I did not directly cause the affair, I can't say my behavior and our marriage was wonderful before the affair. We have been together for 28 years, married for 25 so far. I at least wanted too try to save the marriage, since I didn't want to tell my kids years from now, "sorry guys, I didn't even try since I was so angry at your mother". Until you have been betrayed, you cannot begin to understand betrayal trauma. There is a reason Dante put betrayal one level above hell in the Inferno. Other guys think its about ego and being emasculated because another guy banged your wife. Its WAY deeper than that. You have to get over the fact that the person you loved and built a family with was capable of that level of betrayal. The lying and destruction of trust is hard to digest. The messages that hit home were being obsessed with finding our more, looking at emails and following her etc. I justified it as finding out more about him to save or relationship. It caused more pain that than it helped and I wish I hadn't done it. It only made things worse. At least I didn't confront him. That would ended badly....for him physically and for me legally. Once I made the decision to try reconciliation, one of my greatest difficulties as suffering in silence. Who could I talk to about the affair and how I felt? My family, hers, our friends, neighbors, etc.? Once you let out what happened, there is no way she could recover from that, so her only option would be to leave. But keeping her dirty secret while pretending everything is fine while you are dying inside was one of the most difficult things I have experienced in my 50+ years on this planet.

Watching this now because my ex have moved on and already dating someone in less than a month since break up then just found out that he started talking to the girl before we broke up so it was so easy for him to forget and let me go (We broke up on December 25, 2021, it's January 27 2022 now). One of his reasons of breaking up with me is he wasn't ready to be in a relationship and he needs to focus on himself and even told me that he wants me to find my happiness first and focus on myself too. It sucks to be the only one who's really hurting and he even made me feel and believe that it was my fault.

@junoponyo

Жыл бұрын

@Nitu Florin vasile Hello! It's been tough but I'm doing much better now. Being around my friends and family really helped a lot. Hope it goes well for you too. 🙂

@stacysnider4899

Жыл бұрын

I am just sitting here shaking my head at this comment. Making her feel like it’s her fault and him leaving her for another woman like this is just disgusting! Everybody has flaws. He has flaws and SHE didn’t cheat on HIM! What people neglect to see is that there must, first and foremost, be a character flaw for the cheater to be capable of stabbing their ‘loved one’ in the back. I have no respect for cheaters at all!

All the items, Ted Talks, videos I’ve came across this is the most organic and so simply yet beautifully explained. Thank you for posting this. You’re reaching those whom are hurting or were hurt.

@lisaarends8742

Жыл бұрын

Thank you 😊

@tamitrager3353

Жыл бұрын

I agree 100%!!!!!

Thanks... I really needed this 💖

Thanks for your wise words Lisa!🙏♥️

The best I’ve heard so far. Thank you Lisa.

This was the Best advice I had ever gotten so far. Thank you

My experience is so much the same. Thank you for posting

I don’t have much family and friends. So when I had to let her go it was even harder because but I was back to being on my own. This is life. Nobody said it would be easy or fair

@passatdreamm

2 ай бұрын

In the same boat. And you’re right, nobody said it would be easy or fair but I wish it was.

I hope you know how important your video is. By sharing your story and advice you gave a voice to the craziness in my head, body and soul. I long to get through one day when my stomach doesn’t turn as the thoughts start running through my mind.

Thanks this is honestly one of the best talks l have ever listened to anywhere. I rarely leave comments, I started listening listening to you because I was by ex

THANK YOU SO MUCH. I need to hear this so bad, so glad that I clicked this video. It helped me. And, I think i will listen to this every time I need to hear it again to remind myself.

Thank you Lisa. Going through this now. Your video has helped me pass this painful experience. Thanks so much.

Thank you so much for this video. I have been through a lot right now. I need these words for me to move forward and be healed. God bless you.

@lisaarends8742

2 жыл бұрын

Sending you thoughts of hope and healing.

i love your rough stone analogy; time really is the only healer.

Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and encouragement . You have no idea how much helps . X

Thank you my dear. This was the most organic, unassuming narative I have ever heard. Thank you for your insight and as a man I can still relate. Love from all of us hurting from betrayal.

Thank you so much…your words brought lots of reassurance to me during these difficult times in my life/marriage.

I'm very grateful for the opportunity to listen to your advice, your deserve the world. It's quite funny tho how I did all the petty things you just described, specially the pick me up haha, I did became a comercial model tho and got a lot of self steem, these silly coping mechanics do work sometimes ☺

You are beautiful . Thank you. This made me feel so much better and helped me to stop blaming myself for everything.

Lisa, Thank you for this. I hear you and so many others saying to not obsess about the pain, to focus on my own healing. I think what I have found in the last few months is that my diagnosis of ADHD (which I got at age 35) is holding me in a hyperfocus on the pain and on arguing with my ex-spouse about how they hurt me. I can recognize this hyperfocus, but it is very difficult for me to find something else to change my thoughts to.

Thank you Lisa, God bless you for helping others..

Excellent advice.

Thank you so much for this!

thank you. i live in a country where therapy isn't a thing. this is the closest i could get, but also maybe just what i need to listen to everyday for the next coming days of healing.

Thank you 🙏.. Great video.. It gave me a peaceful night.. ❤️😢👌

Thank you so much Lisa for making this video. You have no idea how much you have helped me. You saved me mentally from spiralling out of control.

@lisaarends8742

Жыл бұрын

I am so glad that the video could be a life raft for you when you need it. And I am so sorry that you feel as though you're spiraling. It certainly is both a horrific and destabilizing thing to go through.

@regalcompendium

Жыл бұрын

@@lisaarends8742 Lisa, thank you so much for replying back to me. I wasn't expecting to hear from you. Thank you! I am now going through all your videos. I was wondering if you are available for paid 1 on 1 online coaching sessions? I would love to seek your advice regarding my current struggles.

THANK YOU. THIS HELPED THE MOST. GOD BLESS YOU!

I don't think I have to search an advice after being cheated on. I'm in the middle of this stage. We're done, but my heart is still painful. I was crying after watching your video. A million thanks for that. After all, I will move on, but it takes time. I'm healing, and I make sure that the pain will go away.

You're absolutely bang on about the worst part being the lies and manipulation. At first i gathered and kept evidence to destroy her reputation because she deserved it, but i never ended up doing that for various reasons. Now i hold onto them to remind myself that, no, I'm not crazy. I was not manipulative, she was. She was the liar. She's the one calling someone else night and day. She was the one telling them that she would leave me for them but wasn't ready to tell me yet. She was the one who went to her friends for help with leaving me, but instead lost her friends because they lost their respect for her. She was the one promising to marry someone else while married to me. She broke her promises, not me. She's breaking my home up, not me. My silence towards her is not me being cruel, but it is the nicest thing i can do because everything in me otherwise wants to scream at her non-stop for days.

I can relate to the searching and compulsion. It literally sucks the soul from you and all your energy. Makes it so much worse.

God bless you Lisa. Thank you so much. This has truly been so real and helpful. I just want to watch it over and over and take it all in! I appreciate you for giving of yourself to help to heal someone else. Thank you.

Very Helpful, thanks

My siater, i am a guy i cried while listening to you. I am going tgrough this process. Thank you God bless you.

This was incredibly meaningful for me..V v wise advice.

THANK YOU, sometimes just listening to someone in the same situation really helps. i have a 22 year relationship and i just found out about an affair 14 years ago. its been difficult, and i'm grateful for any help.

@lisaarends8742

Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry you're going through this.

@tamarablack2471

10 ай бұрын

It was 12 years later when my husband told me. I understand.

Yes…I will forever miss my best friend

WAnting to know the details was more about wanting to know the reality that i had actually lived. I needed to know how much of my life was deceitful

Wife will never apologize, I just ignore her ,you just heal yourself get to love yourself the horrible pain you go thru will make you a stronger smarter person and try to stay positive

You’re the first not shoving forgiveness and the fix it narrative and that’s appreciated. The approach of acknowledging your audience is valid was enough for me. Definitely didn’t feel gaslight with you. Thank you!

@lisaarends8742

Жыл бұрын

One of the reasons I started sharing was because that common message made me so angry when all this happened to me. Sending you all the best.

@Nonofo346

Жыл бұрын

@@lisaarends8742 Me too. Did more damage. It really forces the narative of working on myself as endurance for the relationship to work but no part is about letting go for my good. After forgiveness I realy do not see the relationship serving the new version of me that had grown from cheating. The message of 'Its okay to walk away" needs to be shared too because I defitley did not heal for him or the relationship, it was for me. I then found that without trust I need to let go. And the fact that its okay to put me first in all of this. I am not willing to build again. I am not willing on carrying the weight,mental and psycological labour, and energy to make it work... and its okay. Its okay to want something else for yourself after this. There is life after this ...

I thought I was with my future husband. Come to find out, everything was a monumental lie. He was cheating the entire time. I hardly received an apology.

Thanks Lisa

Wonderful video

Thank you!

January 13 Thank you, Thank you, Thank you

I've forgiven him but I can't seem to stop looking through his phone checking where he is, tracking his device. I took snapshots of all his messages and I can't seem to delete it every time I say I'm going going to do it. Listening to you has given me this courage to do so. Thank you for sharing your experiences

@lisaarends8742

Жыл бұрын

I hope that this brings you some peace.

@stacysnider4899

Жыл бұрын

I don’t blame you because this is a safety seeking behavior. Cheating traumatizes people and our brain is just trying to protect us. 💗

@antoinetteparker6937

Жыл бұрын

It's now 4 months and I am in a better place than I was. I still have my moments of doubt but I'm working on it. We communicate much better now and he is really putting 110% into our relationship.

@joyk3070

Жыл бұрын

I Discovered the affair 6 months ago and i truly understand you. The more i kept the Screenshots the more i read them and got more hurt. I cleared all the messages he sent me during the time he had affair because to me they meant nothing. I deleted the Screenshots the affair partner sent me. I basically go rid of all details from my phone although they're still in my head.

Thank you…❤️

Thank you

Thank you 💔😭

Thank you for sharing & posting this. I have had 10 months full of disappointment, pain, anger, doubt, and every feeling in between. after 36 yrs a week ago, we finally signed marriage dissolution papers, after. After the hell I went through I do not care if I do not ever see him again! I am working on my healing, but what worries me is the damage all this caused our kids. my youngest is having a hard time wrapping his head around it! as he put it; ("I guess our family was all a lie!") how can I help them with the new reality?

@stacysnider4899

Жыл бұрын

To discover infidelity after 36 years of marriage is TOTALLY, UNEQUIVOCALLY devastating! I have 3 older kids myself. If possible, I would get them into INDIVIDUAL therapy and wouldn’t take ‘No’ for an answer. There are therapists that are government funded and will work on a sliding scale. I would tell the kids, “I know this whole thing is a shock, and it feels like the family was a lie.” “You are right - your Dad couldn’t have done what he did without lying. What he did was very wrong and there is NO excuse for it.” “But the one thing that is true is we BOTH love you kids - always and forever.” “That is one thing that is NEVER going to change.” Their Father has just blown their world up and it is in NO WAY fair that you are the one left picking up the pieces. But we Mothers have to piece it back together for the sake of the kids. What they are desperately looking for is safety right now because their entire world has been turned upside down. I would make sure that routines and family rituals are in place for them. Hopefully you are able to function (if not I would call a Psychiatrist for medication - I am not in favor of meds except in dire circumstances.) Doing routines like keeping the laundry done as usual and at best having regular dinners with them helps them feel better with the stability of home. It’s also important that Mom stays as stable as possible (and doesn’t do things like regularly going on drinking benders with the girlfriends.) I would look for a support system at church and ask the kids to go with me (mine always say ‘No’ but I ask anyway!). My kids aren’t believers, but if they see you leaning on the strength of the Lord in this crisis, you are setting an example they will never forget when they themselves have times of trouble. You & your family are in my prayers. 💕

@lisaarends8742

Жыл бұрын

Great advice Stacy!

@stacysnider4899

Жыл бұрын

@@lisaarends8742 🥰

I didn't discover my wife's affair until after she died. I don't even have the luxury of being mad at her. Hurt? Hell yes!

Thank You.

I was married for 43 years good marraige. Then widowed. Then had a narc in my life for 2 years was engaged to him he cheated on me with his ex wife. He is not with his exwife. She has someone new in her life. We are not together now for 9 months. Shoooooo how hard it been. To work through all those emotions. And he goes on his merry way with his head held up high.

The 3 times divorced marriage counselor & my cheating wife both agreed it was my fault she cheated, I never should have yelled at her for spending $$$ more than we could afford.

thank you

At least they can't cheat on you anymore if U leave life I did. He would beat and cheat and keep coming back. The power like U said, is the fact they can't hurt U while ur there presently. Idk. 😐 Still sucks. I find refuge in the fact I have I'm not present for the torture anymore. I hate the fact I waisted 13 years tho.

❤❤thank you

My wife use to always say "I'm not enough" yet she cheats on me...

@stacysnider4899

Жыл бұрын

James, One reason people cheat is low self esteem. Cry me a river - they just obliterated their spouses self esteem without a care. An affair is ALL ABOUT THEM & THEIR DEFICIENCIES. It says WAY more about them than it does US.

@humanistology

Жыл бұрын

Sadly, her saying this was her projecting how she thought of you..hence her infidelity…sorry to say this, it happened to me also. Good Luck❤️‍🩹

@AL-sg2jd

Жыл бұрын

Mine would say how she’s afraid of being hurt all the time because she was cheated on. Then she had an physical and emotional affair. After I found out she went with him right away. I was fired from my job two days later. Only silver lining is he gave her herpes. And I was negative. But still. It hurts

My ex never admitted to it. I hoped that knowing more details about the cheating would help me. I see that it’s better that I don’t know in order to heal quicker.

My ex cheated on me. She slowly stopped coming home. She didn’t want to talk about it. When we did it was everything i was doing wrong and her denying she was with someone else. Even though i knew she was with someone else. I got to the point where i couldn’t handle the stress anymore. So i moved out. She didn’t hesitate to move this person in the next day. Its been 6 months since then. Its been the hardest time of my life.

@leodeluxe426

3 ай бұрын

It too shall pass. Be kind to yourself it's gonna be ok. You are still loved and worthy.

Thank you!!!

She was having an affair around the time I asked her to marry me. It’s been tough

Am deeply hurt

I never thought I would be pregnant and cheated on as soon as I found out 😢😢

Loss of control of your life. Thats the devastation. It takes time just like healing from a terrible cut. The scar will always be there You’re beautiful inside and out. Your man was an idiot.

I have come out of my first relationship she left me for someone else she said it wasn't intended but when I confronted him about it he kinda indicated that it had been happening for longer than I expected she blocked me and cut me off like a dead limb she left me with no closure nothing! I'm not a hateful person it's not my nature but she must have her reasons 😢

Thank you so mach for that!! I like to ask,,did you have children from that man that cheat on you ?

@lisaarends8742

Жыл бұрын

No children

My husband gets all violent when I ask any simple question ... is it bc I might be wrongfully accusing him or bc he wants to hide from it?

@stacysnider4899

Жыл бұрын

You should never accept violent behavior. One tactic of male liars and cheaters is to explode whenever someone is on the ‘scent’ of their trail. They blow up because it WORKS. This strategy often scares women and guys know it immediately shuts them up because they don’t want a confrontation. If I was you I would ask these questions when you are sitting down at a restaurant because most likely he won’t do this in front of strangers. P.S. You husband sounds like a real 🤬.

The details I thought would heal only cause PTSI and triggers that are associated with those. Wish I never asked details! Healing takes longer .

Lisa, why did you end with divorce? Did you make that decision? Did he? Did he fight for you at all? I am stuck. He is fighting and I am stuck in rage. I’m not sure what to do.

@lisaarends8742

Жыл бұрын

My situation was different - he abandoned me abruptly with a text message and I never had any other contact. He had been engaging in financial abuse (and actually bigamy), and so I had to initiate divorce immediately to protect myself from further harm. I remember being so angry that I wasn't given a choice in the matter. Yet in retrospect, it made it easier because I had no decisions to make. I totally get that rage feeling. It's also not a great space to be able to make decisions from. Are you able to do things to give yourself some space and some nurturing right now so that you can listen to what you want? Take your time with this.

Also the ap's are not sorry but leave them in God's Hands and He Will Give You Justice

@stacysnider4899

Жыл бұрын

AMEN!!! 👏👏👏

How do you know when or if your spouse will never cheat again?

@stacysnider4899

Жыл бұрын

Sarah, There is no guarantee. All you can do is hopefully have individual therapy, work on a repair plan, keep your eyes wide open and pay attention to EVERYTHING he says and does. If he breaks his patterns of behavior, I would watch him closely. If it persists, I would bring it up or start doing some stealth surveillance to protect myself.

@vvg376

Жыл бұрын

Idk if its God's vengeance on me bc my ex-husband was also this way but he changed over time to whr I could trust him but at the end of all of the control issues he had over me I ended up becoming the cheater and he would act hhow I have been acting w my current husband...it got so bad w my ex that I would pretend everything was good w him to brush off my guilt and the fights from his paranoia so I coukd continue w enjoying the attention the side guy was giving me which I felt was lacking w my ex...I have repented and hope God 8s done punishing me bc all of that retribution took me to the darkest time in my life then.

@stacysnider4899

Жыл бұрын

Sarah, It’s so good that you have made a U-Turn and changed your behavior. 💕💕💕 God sees your sincerity and repentant heart. If you ask him to be your Lord and Savior and repent you will be forgiven and go to Heaven. He knows your heart and hears you when you say you will never do that again. I appreciate your honesty because a lot of women would not be that courageous. I have some burning questions I hope you can answer: 1. What factors within yourself do you think made you capable of cheating in the first place & becoming someone you didn’t even recognize? (For example, low self esteem.) 2. How was your self confidence level before the affair? 3. Did you feel like a good person before you cheated? (Many people are doing good things - and drop their moral compass somewhere along the way.) 4. What did you tell yourself in order to override your guilt and continue doing what you felt was wrong in your heart? 💗 This will help me understand some things in my own situation that I’m REALLY stuck on. Thank you for answering the questions I can’t find an answer anywhere else to!!! Sincerely, - Stacy 🌸🌸🌸

🥺

❤

She is upset because I feel that most of our relationship is tainted for me

14:40

I found out that my fiance had been bringing girls in the house while I am sleeping 😢

Wow, you are attractive, like me, but thays nessed up we get cheated on...looks arent the issie its the bad person

It's feel after approach it and accept and forgive him ad left him accept he never stop andhr never be ma enough to apologize. Kept Jesus first I'm too blessed be stress over any man. I'm a role model and civil right activist i will not fail me becuz somonei love did me wrong. That his lost my blessing to move on

Okay lemme put it to you this way: He was talking and almost slept w a girl who had a bigger ass than me at that point. Then after we broke up, he started to follow a bunch of girls on IG that work out and have big glutes. A big hit to my self esteem tbh. And he didnt have the gut to tell me “baby, I love you, but lets focus a bit more on your glutes when you work out”, honestly it’d still hurt me, but I’d rather that than finding out he almost cheated on me. And when I confronted him, he still had the audacity to say that he liked my ass more than hers and he didnt like her at all. He only did that bc he so wanted me but couldnt sleep w me (I was trying abstinence for my religion). Seriously, big heart break🥹

@SaystheTruth3

Жыл бұрын

Really ? You sound immature.

@Ngan.marianguyen

Жыл бұрын

@@SaystheTruth3 i sound immature? 😆 you meant him?

@SaystheTruth3

Жыл бұрын

@@Ngan.marianguyenLet me correct myself. Everything you just talked about with both of you comparing body parts ??...... Does that really matter? What about the relationship itself? Is there a communication on both parts? Do you respect each other? Do you trust each other? Ya know, the important things... Not weather her a** is bigger than yours or whatever. Lol!

Eternally grateful I found this video. Thank you for these powerful words

@lisaarends8742

Жыл бұрын

You are so welcome. I'm glad it was helpful

Thank you

❤