I wanted the details, I got the details and man... It helped so much. I realised how pathetic the affair was, it wasn't as glamorous as I imagined which helped me. I actually feel sad for my partner because she risked everything (me and our son) for a maiy text based relationship. Makes it easier for me to forgive her if that's what I decide. I'm on week 8 after finding out. The prior 7 weeks I could not sleep and my mind raced everyday. Now, I'm finding it easier to detach. Much love to anyone experiencing this betrayal.

@Lexihilton19

Жыл бұрын

same I can’t sleep

@lisaarends8742

Жыл бұрын

I’m so glad that the racing mind has slowed for you and that you’re able to gain some distance. Wishing the best for you.

@colleenzoebisch6006

Жыл бұрын

Same with me, haven’t slept in three days since I found out. I am beginning to wish I stood up for myself more, instead of feeling so beaten down and needy because of grief. At first when he got caught, there was a lot of denial and anger on his part. What he did was so twisted and disgusting. I should have just told him to wake up and look what you’ve done. I was too broken and needy. The fog is starting to lift and he’s starting to wake up.

@AutoAbsolute

Жыл бұрын

I've come back to this video for help. My mental state massively improved and reconciliation was working for weeks. I've now hit a curb and feel angry again about what happened. It's almost like the more I move on and feel better, the more it hurts and highlights the stupidity of the situation. I feel at a loss now I've regressed. This is so hard.

@georyin872

Жыл бұрын

I feel I will never get details from my wife. It is why I will leave her. She is 54 year old now. She slept with a man of 38. I stay a couple of years and then I leave her. I have to be ready

Personally I need to know all the details of the affair and the other woman, otherwise my imagination will run wild.

@colleenzoebisch6006

Жыл бұрын

So true. I’m going through this right now. Much pain and grief

@jennifermayer2708

Жыл бұрын

@@colleenzoebisch6006 You are not alone, my husband's affair was over a long time ago, my pain never goes away. We have to be strong for our own sake!

@georyin872

Жыл бұрын

i don't know how to deal with my wife. I have leave

@jennifermayer2708

Жыл бұрын

@@georyin872 Hope you feel better as time goes on!

@georyin872

Жыл бұрын

@@jennifermayer2708 Thank you. I lost almost 50 pounds. I was 190 lbs before 12/29/22. Then I was sleepless for 30 days. I am just over 150lb now

get ready for the half-truths

@willylumpnj

Ай бұрын

Trickle truth

It's having the details that allow us to trust and process the information so we can recover.

@luckyduckydaisyflower2344

Жыл бұрын

Yep if they are withholding details that's not intimate ..but if they want to repair with you they gotta let you in that secret room. If they don't wanna be open I don't think they really want intimacy with anyone but themselves

@Yahusha-Saves.

Жыл бұрын

@@luckyduckydaisyflower2344 my wife still refuses to be open with me about her affair. We still are having issues and now looking at separation

Wife and I have been married 32 years. She told me last week she cheated on me 10 yrs ago with one guy twice. I was very pissed and she tried to act like I shouldn't be it was 10 yrs ago. It wasn't 10 yrs ago to me it was at the moment she told me. Like you just said I want the details and think about it all the time. Mainly it's what did I do to make her need to cheat. To the best of my knowledge everything was great and maybe it was not my fault. Now every time she wants to have sex I am thinking is this how she was with him or I think back to when she did something different did she learn that from someone else. I find myself thinking if she did this and didn't tell me how many others is she not telling me about. I just pray that I can find peace soon thanks for letting me vent.

@stephenwestmoreland7268

5 ай бұрын

Man, that's rough. I know where ur coming from. Hope u figure it out and if u do let me know.

@papapillgaming2847

5 ай бұрын

Thanks...I ended up leaving and filing for divorce I just couldn't trust her anymore. I thought about working it out but when I began wondering what she was doing while I was at work I knew I would never trust here again. Thank you for replying when I wrote it honestly I was using your page to vent.@@stephenwestmoreland7268

@amerhamad-zp6ge

21 күн бұрын

Leave. There's no getting over it and a future with her will not be happy.

@user-dm1xh6bz3i

16 күн бұрын

She wants to get you from behind

Nah. Once I expressed my questions and got them answered, the "obsessive thoughts" stopped and I am able to live my life without feeling misgivings or doubts.

@Freeasabird699

6 ай бұрын

It's not the same for everyone, I asked for details, and the more details I get the more I want. And it is like Lisa said, it becomes a movie in your head, I keep pressing the play button. It's killing me from the inside. It's not healthy to obsess about the details all the time. Journaling is a great idea.

This is really validating and helped me a lot. I’ve been afraid to watch some of your content because I’m still hurting a lot, but I’ve been slowly getting better. My partner cheated on me in March but we’re together, and I understand the risk that he could do it again, but I also know my limitations and boundaries to break it off if it ever gets back to that point. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this video

@jamesritch5245

2 жыл бұрын

Yes but next time he cheats, and there will be a next time chances are, you don't want to get a STD to realize that you been deceived. Again.

I asked for all the details. This happened 19 years ago when me and my fiancé had our first child and house. I was asked to move out before I knew anything was going on. We eventually got back together and got married and had three more kids. I struggle to this day still. I pray, I have a better relationship with God. I’m not sure I love my husband. I knew I loved him before all that, but I still am not sure after all these years. We were together since we were 16. We’re 42 now. I should have never asked for details. Nothing is the same in my brain about him. I’m gonna keep hanging on and pray.

@truth2.027

Жыл бұрын

This is my fear, and I can’t get it out of my head. I can’t look at her the same.

@gettyjones1263

Жыл бұрын

@@truth2.027 it’s hard, but I’m praying every day. If I didn’t love him, I wouldn’t have given him another chance. I never wanted another person in my life , and I still don’t. That’s what helps me hang on.

@georyin872

Жыл бұрын

i found my wife's affair on 12/29/2022. I has been in pain for all these months

@SaystheTruth3

Жыл бұрын

Same here... So hurtful...

@georyin872

Жыл бұрын

I am still with her. After careful research, I believe she is a covert Narcissist. I choose to stay right now. But I will leave someday

It's the why I wasn't enough for me that is killing me

@lisaarends8742

Жыл бұрын

I still struggle with the same, even though I rationally know that they cheat because of what's missing in them, not what's missing in us. It's so important important to surround yourself with people who remind you of your worth until you can see it again.

thank you so much for making this video. the part that helped me the most was when you expanded on ruminating over details to beat yourself up. when you think about memories and use them to call yourself stupid and think that you should have known, but loving and trusting someone isn’t a character flaw. this is such a helpful way to frame that and is exactly what i needed to hear for a very long time. ❤️

If they cheat once they will find ways to become slicker the 2nd time - it’s not a matter of if they will do it again it’s a matter of when ❤

Thank you Lisa, your videos are life saver 🙌

I have just found out about my husbands affair ,the other woman took great pleasure in telling me ,and everyone else on social media ,all the sordid details ,it is true that I can never un hear that information,trying now to move on and try again .Everyday is a struggle but I am slowly getting back my strength.

@lisaarends8742

Жыл бұрын

May you be a little stronger with each breath you take

Thanks for this, I’m 2 days into this and going on no sleep and my mind is swimming. This gives me a few tools and methods that hopefully will calm me down and give me some clarity.

@lovemypits02

2 жыл бұрын

Just curious how long it's taking you.. what have you done to help yourself?? Found out my wife's been cheating on me about a month and a half ago and she wants to work on things... I've been going to counseling trying to get my life back on track anyhow just curious. Thank you

@vortex6574

Жыл бұрын

I am 7 days in. It’s hell.

@lovemypits02

Жыл бұрын

@@vortex6574 it is it's a living hell.ive walled miles in the month to clear my mind I can't eat can't sleep almost lost my job nightmares feeling sick it's awful.. to her her say she sorry and loves me still it's like chewing on glass and swallowing nails....!!

@vortex6574

Жыл бұрын

@@lovemypits02 - Yes! It's hard to hear, its like, if you love me, then why would you destroy my heart? How is that love? Ugh. I am in that struggle too, hardly eating, can't sleep much. Going all over the place with emotions. It's exhausting… and I am such a loyal person, this is devastating.

@georyin872

Жыл бұрын

I did not sleep for 30 days

Establishing the parameters of the betrayal is important, but I agree that getting into the weeds may cause more harm than good. One detail leads to another question. Another answer requires additional clarification. It's safe to assume that some details will never be revealed. Some will be under-emphasised. What we need is full disclosure of the nature of the relationship, the duration, and for partner to cease contact and take responsibility for their actions, as well as a commitment to do the work of repair. Replaying the movie is just a form of obsession.

Thanks This helped!

Take care. Divine blessings always for you 💗. One can give only what one has. May your sensitivity nourish you again. 🌱🌄love and kindness 💞

Thank you needed that

I feel like you’re inside my head speaking everything that I’ve been thinking. Thank you for putting my thoughts out in public

I went through the map history on my wife's phone and she had seen him either the day before my birthday or the day afte,r same on her birthday ,even Valentine's Day.

Sadly at this point its not about the affair partner or him but his parents. They played a major part in this and still do.

@lisaarends8742

Жыл бұрын

That’s definitely a complicating factor.

I asked for details i was lied at. Both told me different stories.

First of all, how can a stupid man betray such a beautiful stunning lady like you in the first place? Your ex-man didn't know what precious Jewell he had in his hand.

Hi have many of the details, I had screen shots of their discourse. I have tortured myself going over these as they are burnt in my mind. The logical part of my brain knows I need to let go the emotional side doesn’t want to. I think it’s worse that my wife just glosses over these. The fact that they spoke about being ‘together forever…’. I actually wish I had the strength of mind just to take her whole phone and go through everything.

@lisaarends8742

Жыл бұрын

The more you see, the more fuel you have for that tortuous mental inferno. It changes nothing else. You have the information you need to make the decision you want. Stay and the extra details only make it harder to move forward. Go and the extra details only keep you anchored to the past. Are you focusing on the phone because it’s easier than focusing on the relationship? I ask, because I did similar.

I made sure my wife told me all the details, l had to know, sure l have very visual images of my wife and her lover and sometimes it really hurts.

How do you forgive yourself when you didn’t do the crime ?

@jasondias7011

2 жыл бұрын

Word

Empathy towards a betrayed spouse is not exactly your strong suite, is it? This entire video reeks of nothing but ableism towards the unfaithful and basically sugarcoat telling the betrayed what happened, happened, nothing will change the past so get over it. 100% transparency and honesty is the only way to reconcile and anything less is nothing but JUST AS MUCH disrespect as the act of infidelity was in the first place! Lying to them further only further solidifies that they aren't worth the respect of the truth. And if the truth means some long talks of ugly conversations, well, then so be it. What is going on in the betrayed's head is FAR far worse...

@lisaarends8742

Жыл бұрын

And some of us never get 100% transparency and honesty. Some of us never have the option of reconciliation. Those are out of our control. And so what then? What I advocate is focusing on what we CAN control - taking the power back and not putting our well-being in the hands of those who betrayed us.

i have to leave my wife

@lisaarends8742

Жыл бұрын

Sounds like a painful decision to reach

@georyin872

Жыл бұрын

@@lisaarends8742 Yes I am still with her almost 6 months after I found out her affair.

How do we correctly heal if we don't even know what exactly what it is we are fixing

@lisaarends8742

2 жыл бұрын

I think it’s helpful to focus on what you want things to look/feel like and move towards that.

I know this is an old video but I wanted to ask you what you would do if the affair went on for a year when he lived alone abroad in our house. They spent their good times there in our bed. We changed the mattress but I feel so bad being in this house now that we relocated and joined him. I just want to leave this house and the country ASAP.

@lisaarends8742

Жыл бұрын

I totally get that urge to move - we have this feeling that we can scrub it away and start clean. Surroundings can be powerful and it's important to feel safe in your space. At the same time, recognize the limitations of changing your environment - it can't change what happened.

@jennifermayer2708

Жыл бұрын

If I were you, I would definitely move to another house. If you don't move out of the country, you could at least find a house in a location far from your old house. I will go crazy just to think how they fooled around in the house!

@joyk3070

Жыл бұрын

@@jennifermayer2708 this is what we are doing now

@jennifermayer2708

Жыл бұрын

​@@joyk3070 I am happy that you two are trying to work it out. As long as there is love, I am sure your relationship will flourish. I had a similar situation but it did not turn out well.

@SaystheTruth3

9 ай бұрын

I don't blame you ❤

I figure. That you already know the details of what he did with her, because he has already done them with you, for years , so you know already,

@apartmentsixeleven4093

3 жыл бұрын

They can do all KINDS of things with someone else that they never did with you. And some of them are vile.

@SaystheTruth3

Жыл бұрын

​@@apartmentsixeleven4093It's true.... He treats his AP like a queen. Sends her flowers, gifts & said she was so amazing in bed. I'll admit, when we were married, our sex life became monotonous and boring...

It's been two years since my wife's affair. It's very hard after 35 year's of marriage. I guess it's just time to unravel all this. Good day's bad day's.

@Freeasabird699

6 ай бұрын

I know your pain, and I am so sorry. We didn't deserve it. I just found out my husband of 35 years had an affair for 4 months. It's hard, it's so painful, at times I just feel I want to die. I know for a fact it was the first time he had done this. I believe that he is really regretful, and he is trying hard to regain my trust. Furthermore, I gave him a choice, he could leave if he wanted, but he chose to stay. He doesn't want a divorce, but he said he will totally understand if I leave. How do you walk out of a 35-year marriage, but on the other hand, how do you stay? I feel nothing will ever be the same again, he is no longer the man I married 35 years ago. This is really so painful. How do you feel after 2 years? Do you think it is worth staying and working on it, or is it better to just walk away?

@Steve-hs5le

6 ай бұрын

@@Freeasabird699 I'm not trying to in any way influence your decision. I'm very sorry that this has happened to you . I hope that your husband is sincere and you can put your marriage back to a better place. I have made the decision to divorce my wife. I will never be able to trust her, she made the decision to commit Adultery . Therefore I am making the decision to divorce her. Work on yourself freeasabird,that is what I have been doing for the last two years. It will over time ease the pain.

I wish I never found out. It destroyed my life

Easier said than done my dear.

What if they say that it's your fault that it happened?

@Isabella-hp1rz

Жыл бұрын

Happened to me too

@bullwhipbobbylove2932

Жыл бұрын

@@Isabella-hp1rz God bless you. You are a precious creation. Nothing like that is the fault of anyone but the perpetrators. You were the victim. Are you doing alright?

@lisaarends8742

Жыл бұрын

It always helps to remember that they are motivated to blame us so that they can feel better about the destruction they caused.

Hurts like hell😢

yep its terrible

Just know you can send spouse phone to data recovery specialists and receive every text picture etc.. if that's what you need

I think this is a pretty female point of view expressed to reassure other women, not the way most men's minds work.

@lisaarends8742

2 жыл бұрын

Then fill us in on how most men’s minds work.

@thomasdavis6530

2 жыл бұрын

@@lisaarends8742 we don't seem to have the " that was me last year or last week or yesterday, I am not that person anymore, let's just move on" gear.

@lisaarends8742

2 жыл бұрын

@@thomasdavis6530 I wish I had that gear. It was way more clawing my way out of a deep, dark hole through sheer stubbornness and a refusal to give my ex any more of me. All the changes were hard fought and very deliberate.

@thomasdavis6530

2 жыл бұрын

@@lisaarends8742 it depends on your situation obviously. If you are the betrayer who repents and seeks to save what you risked or the betrayed .and yes I want to believe reconciliation is possible for some couples. You do have to go through the 7 stages of grief. And have a partner to commits to it and you both work through it.Was just speaking from my personal experience having gone through the end of engagement to curiosity and validation seeking, and the a few years later when a less than ideal marriage ended with a wife deciding she felt like she was missing to much of the life she felt entitled to and left me at home with kids to find her fun with others and then divorced me and quickly married one of her playmates. He lasted a couple years and she moved on again.

@lisaarends8742

2 жыл бұрын

@@thomasdavis6530 That sounds very difficult. I’m sorry.

If they make porn, you can actually rent it

When my 1st wife cheated I packed my bags & moved out 10 minutes after I found out & moved on just like that. Moving on was the best choice for me, my 2nd wife also cheated after 14 years of marriage & I made the mistake of staying & 17 years later I am miserable & so wish I left her & let her boyfriend have her. A wife cheats when she loses desire for her husband & once that desire is gone it is never coming back. The only way I've managed to stay with my 2nd wife is I had a 15 year affair with a younger coworker who had genuine desire for me & while my wife shut off sex my affair partner can't wait to see me & have fun.

@SaystheTruth3

Жыл бұрын

❤

@mokgadimanyapye707

11 ай бұрын

Why don't you just leave your wife for her bcoz it's also unfair for this young coworker

My wife confessed to having an affair after I pressed her. Then she lambasted me on the phone saying the marriage being over was 90% my fault

@lisaarends8742

Жыл бұрын

Sadly, it's common for the unfaithful to blame their partners. It's often part of their own mental gymnastics that they use to justify what they're doing while still seeing themselves as the type of person that wouldn't do anything horrible.

If you leave it to the imagination it will always be worse, you give me the entire details or dont let the door hit you on the ass on your way out, the betrayer did it, know own it you coward. Yet you want forgivness generalazation 6:22 6:23

The real name for affair is fornicating The real name for lust is adultery Both are a sins Jesus (God) says When you commit a sin, Jesus (God) says two things happen to you for your disobedience to Gods Word 1. Demons enter you to ruin your life 2. Demons enslave you and you keep sinning. The only way to undo sin is to repent. That’s why a fornicator/cheater keeps cheating. A thief keeps stealing. Etc They are now bound by sin. Enslaved in sin You need to repent for your sins and make Jesus Christ your Lord and Saviour and abide in Gods Word. If you don’t repent the demons will never leave. This is VERY IMPORTANT. Gods Word is the only thing that can bring you freedom and joy and peace in life Sin brings destruction in ALL areas of your life. Evil people make up fancy names for sin. Sin only brings MORE PROBLEMS into your life. Don’t be deceived by lies of the devil. Turn to Jesus. Turn to the truth in the Word of God. All this is explained in the Holy Bible written by your true Father God Himself. The Holy Bible was not written by ignorant stupid human being creations that once never existed and now exist. Matthew 9. 10 And it came to pass, as Jesus sat at meat in the house, behold, many publicans and sinners came and sat down with him and his disciples. 11 And when the Pharisees saw it, they said unto his disciples, Why eateth your Master with publicans and sinners? 12 But when Jesus heard that, he said unto them, They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick. 13 But go ye and learn what that meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice: for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance Matthew 15 18 But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man. 19 For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies: 20 These are the things which defile a man: but to eat with unwashen hands defileth not a man. Jesus (God) John 8 34 Jesus answered them, “Verily, verily I say unto you, whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin. John 8 44 Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it. Turn to Jesus for all your problems. The Holy Bible and the Word of God and Jesus should be at the centre of your life. Should be first in your life. Nothing else. God gave you life. That’s why the first and greatest commandment is you will love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul with all thy mind with all thy strength. Jesus and God comes first in your life. Obedience to the Word of God brings to you: An abundant life True joy from within Healing Pain free Love Access to ask seek and knock There is no other way to live your life. Gods way or no way. YOU must first move closer to God and abide in His Word and then He will give you everything you need. YOU must abide in His Word. You cannot go in and out of Gods Word. You must be in His Word always. John 15 4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me. 5 I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing. Jesus (God) John 10 10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. Luke 19 10 For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost. Stop poisoning your mind and soul by watching those TV shows that promote sin like killing, fornicating, lying, fraud, lust, adultery, homosexuality, blasphemy, lesbianism, hate, horror, witchcraft, Only the Word of God can cleanse you. Can bring peace and joy into your life. God loves you. Tune into God. Tune into His Word. Do yourself the biggest favour in the world and start reading Matthew Mark Luke and John. Nothing else can help you but your true Father God. The only way to access Him is through His Word and prayer. Honest and sincere prayer. Matthew www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+1&version=KJV Mark www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+1&version=KJV Luke www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+1&version=KJV John www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+1&version=KJV

@maryhurren6938

6 ай бұрын

Amazing and true! Thank you for being obedient to the spreading of the word and leaving it here for those that are in deep deep pain of a broken heart and betrayal. Trust not in man for he will dissappoint. But trust in the Lord with all your heart, strength and soul

try to put it back together is a joke to the extreme and anyone staying in a relationship where there was cheating is an idiot, better to take your losses and find something better or be by yourself because you will never let go of the hurt and be trusting again, also, stop blaming yourself for someone elses weakness and bad decisions, its their bed to lie in and time to grieve for a while then move on to something else with your life, been there many times, being a lone is better than being with someone that is just a room mate,