Real love is when Alicia said “I would start singing it, but nobody wants that” and Jono responded with “I want that”

@VioletEmerald

Жыл бұрын

I know; it's so early into the video, but I was already thinking the same thing lol. So sweet.

@joyindrelie6715

Жыл бұрын

To be nit picky, it's real love when he says something like that without expecting anything back in return.

@sea_of_love

Жыл бұрын

i was about to say that

I want a partner who looks at me the way Jono looks at Alicia.

@thecreatorlair

Жыл бұрын

All of us want this, friend.

@johannarauha

Жыл бұрын

I was about to comment the same

@thewomenwiththepearlearrin4127

7 ай бұрын

I noticed that too.he doesn't take his eyes off of her the whole video.Its so sweet.

It’s crazy how blurry the line is between being transactional and meeting the needs.

@LVLifeguard

Жыл бұрын

I think it's transactional if you EXPECT something in return... we do that everyday we buy something, if u pay for a movie, you expect to see said movie, if u buy something on Amazon, you expect to get it delivered shortly thereafter, and are rightfully unhappy or irate and can get a refund if you don't get what you expected. That's a proper transactional relationship. In a personal relationship with a significant other, the ideal is to help and serve one another because you genuinely love that person, and want to see them happy or better off from whatever you are doing for them, regardless of whether you get what you want at that moment. (Again, like they said, as long as there is some balance, if you are always giving and never getting, or always taking and never giving, that's not ok). I think it mostly just comes down to intent... if you are doing something with the intention of getting something specific in return, i.e. I gave u a massage now I get some action, or I did the dishes so I get to choose the movie we watch, that's transactional, whereas if you are doing something for the other person with the intent of helping and serving them, because it's the right thing to do, that's closer to love... so I guess in my mind it all comes down to WHY. WHY are you doing (*whatever*). Are you doing it for you? or for them? (And if it's for them, are there no strings attached?)

@melmel7011

Жыл бұрын

Come on, we get into relationships expecting something in return. That could sexual intimacy, kids, emotional connection etc No one gets into a relationship expecting nothing back... Ever

@mryan4719

Жыл бұрын

​@Mel Mel you don't believe two people can enter a relationship both wanting to build a relationship that works well, where each person is giving to the life they're creating together?

@eleanor4759

Жыл бұрын

​@@LVLifeguardspot on, that resonates so much. If both parties aim to meet the needs of the other without keeping score, that's health.

@melmel7011

Жыл бұрын

@@mryan4719 Giving to the life they are creating together? Giving how? Is it providing the other with the things they want for a fulfilled life?

I am about to turn 20 and am in the middle of what I thought was my first heartbreak. I still don’t know what this is, but what I have figured out is that even if my feelings were hurt, what hurt the most was my ego; the pain of me not being the one this person chose, of someone else “being better than me”. So then that led me to wonder how much had I really connected with this person, and I realized that… well, not that much; yes, we got to know personal stuff about each other, but that’s not necessarily the same as truly connecting with someone. The physical connection was there for sure, very intimate and very wholesome but like a very bright candle: the bigger the flame, the faster it burns. And that kind of connection and attachment is particularly powerful and misleading at my age, and moreover because it was the first time I experienced something like this, and with none other than the most attractive person I’ve seen in my life. So clearly, I was infatuated. That’s why my ego hurt more than my heart, even if I do appreciate the person, that was not love, it could not be. I do care about them, and wish for nothing else than their happiness, but at the time we were together, I did deep down had that transactional idea of “I will do X and Y so they see how great I am and stay with me” and whatnot. I love your content, I found this channel out thanks to cinema therapy and I am so happy I did. I wish to some day find something like what you two have! Looking forward to the next video. :)

@PaulaReverbel

Жыл бұрын

Wow, congratulations. I wish I had reflected on that in my twenties. Best of luck to you :)

@pinkmandy9973

Жыл бұрын

Wow! I’m 23 and I had a similar experience when I was 20. I didn’t know what to think either! But it’s true, I was very offended that he did not choose me. And yes, he was very handsome, we did know personal things about each other, and our relationship was very wholesome. But it’s not the same as a genuine connection. I was very underdeveloped in connecting with myself, let alone loving myself. I’m still a work in progress but am so thankful I didn’t get married at that time in my life. It would not have been pretty, lol.

@pinkwatermelon9910

Жыл бұрын

@@pinkmandy9973 getting married omg those are some major words. We gotta keep the work in progress, sis 🤝 it hasn't been a piece of cake but day by day it gets a bit better.

@aliceletran7792

Жыл бұрын

I’m 20 in a heartbreak myself and still questioning if we loved each other

The best definition of love that I have ever heard is from Teal Swan "love is when you take another person's best interest as if it were YOUR personal best interest". I have yet to hear stg that beats that.

@AliciaB.

Жыл бұрын

I would even say, love is when the other person's best interest BECOMES your personal best interest

@milomazli

Жыл бұрын

@@AliciaB. Exactly! ❤️

Real love is extremely rare. Most people will never find it.

What do you do if its one sided? Then you have someone loving someone else and doing as you say "Not expecting anything in return." And they never get anything out of the relation. A narcissistic person can benefit from that belief a lot!

@stellashepherd3229

Жыл бұрын

You loving another person should never diminish you. For example Jesus said to love others as you love yourself. Being in a relationship with a narcissist doesn’t allow you to treat yourself with love. As Jono said here, you have to love yourself first.

@Xiallaci

Жыл бұрын

I struggled with that concept for a long time too. Here is a thing: A narcissist and a codependent are two sides of the same medallion. Both are rooted in an egocentric urge of "I need you to feel good about me". For the narcissist this thought pattern is rather obvious, vor the codependent not so much, so let me elaborate. The codependent usually goes in with "the way you act makes me feel good about me" or "if i save you i feel better about myself" or "I give up my boundaries/self-respect in exchange for your love". The pain that comes with it is a replay from childhood. In this way, both use conditional love. Unconditional love is not in conflict with your boundaries. You can see, understand, love and accept the truth of who a person is and still decide that this truth does not fit into your life. See it like this: you love ice cream without expecting it to taste like meat. You love it despite it melting in the sun. You love it despite not having the crunchiness of an apple. You love ice cream exactly for what it is and because it is the way it is. Still, you can refrain from eating ice cream without loving it less.

Man this was a REALLY great video! I'm on my third year of marriage, and have been working through this labyrinth of love/attachment/affection/attraction. With CPTSD and anxious attachment, it's been painfully and positively transformative.

I love St. Thomas Acquinas's take on Love, which Bishop Robert Barron references often, and that is "Love is willing the good of the other". That works for so many kinds of relationships: parent and child, friends, romantic partners.

@_spt-warwolf_4575

Жыл бұрын

Exactly, today's world defines love in a way that’s realistically just selfish and invalid. By willing the good of the other, both parties are truly in it for what's best.

I LOVE this video. I myself struggle with codependency in romantic relationships and a lot of what's said in this video feels true to me but seeing how someone like Jonathan went through it and was able to learn to do better and be better gives me hope that I'll be there one day. Thank you.

Key insights 💞 Real love is when you sincerely care for the happiness of another individual without expecting anything in return, a pure and selfless form of love. 💔 "I thought what I had for you was love, and what it was was attachment, and what it was was affection." 💔 "There's a profound misunderstanding on a societal level that we're gonna find a person who will make us happy and fulfill us." 💔 "You're protecting yourself and you're sacrificing your relationship with the other person." 😡 When love is not genuine, there is a sense of entitlement and disappointment when expectations are not met. 💑 Intimate relationships should not be solely transactional or based on getting and protecting behaviors, but rather a space for mutual support and growth. 😔 Our need to be seen, heard, and understood is innate, but we often put up a facade to fulfill that need, which can stem from our childhood experiences. 💖 Real love requires self-acceptance and self-love before being able to accept love from others.

This is Greg Baer’s teaching - great to see you reference his book. I’ve seen his teachings come to life and been proven so much in my observations of the world.

Love is being vulnerable and trusting that person with your heart. Love does have a transaction type of quality but it's because you want to give to that person not to take. However there's is a transaction because something is given in return. Relationships are give and take that's just how life works. What you are talking about is expectations being met or not. It's about wether you are selfless or selfish. It's about why you are doing what you are doing. We have reasons for doing things as you have stated. People either ask for what they need or they manipulate to get what they need. I do agree that all comes down to loving and accepting yourself. If you feel you have no value then you won't expect people to want to be there for you and/or meet any of your needs. You will also think that your needs don't matter. However we need to have our needs met and we will fine a way or we will just suffer silently. I have depression anxiety and CPTSD because of childhood trama. I learned that I don't matter. I learned my value only came from what I could or could not do. I wasn't valued for being me. Being physically sexually and emotionally abused left me with message that I could never be safe and my needs were a burden. The sexual abuse left me with the message that the only thing worth someone's attention was my body. I was reduced to an object. With all this said I have developed many unhealthy ways to cope. I developed codependency among other things. I just realized that I described codependency. However something is always given back even if it's nothing. Nothing is still something to me. Is this why I tend to settle hummmm. I just gave myself something to think about.

@jordanwilson8065

Жыл бұрын

Hello Tracy 👋

@imacelloqueen

Жыл бұрын

You keep thinking about it! You can totally overcome it! We're all learning and you're totally worth all the effort

Looking forward to this series! Thank you!

Thank you for laying out the different kinds of love here. I really appreciate your videos.

Each person is valuable in his or her own right. There are things I like and dislike about each of them, and things each other person will like and dislike about me, and both of those will vary from person to person. I accept this, and it's helped me determine where my boundaries are--what are the behaviors that I can't tolerate under any circumstances, and what are the things that might cause me to consider making an exception? It's also helped me realize that, if someone else finds me intolerable for some reason that I am not willing or able to modify, we need to release each other so both can be comfortable.

I feel so grateful to have found this video! These are things I have come to realise through a lot of pain, hardship, and growth, since most of the love I have experienced has nearly always been transactional. I can't be angry at the people in my life for that because nobody gave them the tools in their lives (and in their native language) to work on themselves, self love, and to understand how to build a healthy relationship with another person, and I think it is absolutely wonderful that you guys are making simple but important things like this available for people online! Especially in such a caring and comprehensive way. Thank you! Greetings from half the world apart - Latvia. ❤

Thank you so much for speaking about these things! And the little differences and "How to"s

I'm reading the book myself (because you talked about it earlier and I was curious). Thanks, and for the rgeat video too. Very interesting, primordial and yet complex topic. And sad too (realizing how little real love one got and/or can give (even if trying))

This is very helpful, coming out of a 15 year relationship/10 year marriage. Thank you.

I like the idea that love means caring for the well being of another, without expecting anything in return (non-transactional), as opposed to the more common “love means putting the other persons needs before your own”. As a codependent, I have no problems putting others’ needs before my own, so I kinda need to do less of that. But codependency is also transactional, like I do nice things for you so you will give me love and acceptance in return. So the non-transactional piece resonates with me more

Can you please talk about meeting emotional needs in a long distance relationship? My bf and I are struggling with this right now

@personified3500

3 ай бұрын

Yo, my bf and I are in an LDR too, you’re not alone

Jono is 20 times more adorable when he's singing! 😭😭

I would love to know if certain types of love can evolve into a true unconditional love

I am going through a heartbreak i am 23 years old and struggle with an anxious attachment style and selflove and worth so i started therapy to go through it and hope to find my inner peace to find true love i was always the giver and drawn to emotional unavailable men like my parents are emotionally unstabel i hope someday everyone experienced real love and balance And guy's go to therapy it helps and there is nothing to be ashamed of love you youre a cute couple ❤

Can you maybe do a video on values and how to find yours? (A video on finding direction would also be helpful.)

There's a book I thought was excellent at explaining love and I recommend it for several reasons. We went through it in my communications class in college. Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion by Marshall Rosenberg It has a really good definition of love that helped me process many of my relationships and turn around my life. I'd be curious what you both have to say about it, what insight you could bring would be excellent for me!

@yourlocalsussinicle9932

Жыл бұрын

Is this on amazon?? Id love to read it!!

@waynepiercy4052

Жыл бұрын

@@yourlocalsussinicle9932 I think they have it yeah, I ordered a copy recently so I know it is out there online somewhere!

Falling in love is the best darn drug on the face of the planet.

EDIT: As I got later in the video I realized you partly covered some of this -- I shouldn't write comments until I've finished with the video! :p Decided to still leave my thoughts here though. ----- Not sure if I 100% agree with this. I think affection and (usually) attraction are part of love. It's all wrapped up together and I think separating the parts is applying a specific definition that isn't really agreed upon. There's a reason that I became more attracted to my wife as I got to know her. Objectively she isn't a supermodel or anything, but she might as well be because of how I feel about her. So it's all tied up together. There's something to be said for your definition, but that definition also seems like an ideal rather than a reality. For example, I think there's always a bit of a transactional element to a marriage. Yes, I do independently of anything I receive want my wife to be happy. But if I was giving all the time and got nothing in return, or wasn't getting my needs met in my relationship... that would be really bad. There IS an expectation there. My desire for my wife to be happy isn't directly dependent on what I receive, but I'm not staying in a relationship where I /don't/ receive what I need in return. And if I wasn't getting enough out of it, my love for her would likely start to fade as resentment builds. If I was giving a lot and not receiving, I would start to question how much love she has for me. When I take out the trash, I do it to: a) help my wife's mental health and b) so she knows I'm willing to do my part, and c) because I care about her. But I also do it because d) she'll be more likely to meet my needs. Anything I do to strengthen my relationship and do my part will make her more inclined to reciprocate. And yes, that includes having the kind of sex life I want, to go directly to Alicia's example. It's not entirely altruistic, and I don't think it really ever can be if people are being totally honest with themselves. I think generally being more transactional is bad, and less transactional is good.... I agree with that, but I don't think you can escape the reality of some level of transactionality, just because every relationship needs to have giving and receiving to be healthy. And sometimes even more transactional structures within relationships can make things work better, whether it's having a chores list or taking turns on deciding what trips you go on. So we have to be careful that we're not idealizing this stuff, or having unrealistic expectations of what love should be.

@AliciaB.

Жыл бұрын

Dude, of course affection and attraction can be part of love, but they absolutely do exist separately. That's just... common sense. Casual sex and abusive relationships are, respectively, examples of loveless attraction and loveless affection/attachment. I get your point about love, even true love, always containing some kind of self-interested concerns like being _truly_ loved in return, achieving your personal aspirations or simply being happy - and I agree, but you're mixing things up. That is not what they meant by 'transactional'. They were talking about a direct, automatic, almost mathematical exchange with no basis on an external, primordial goal that justifies and connects everything. When you pay a certain amount of money for an object or a service, you don't do it to strengthen your relationship with the seller because you believe in the goodness of your act, and hope that somewhere down the line he's gonna to give you what you want out of pure free will cause it'll simply make sense to him... Of course not. You're expecting no less and (if you're not a Karen) no more than what was contained in the offer, and are entitled to a refund if you don't get exactly that. Whereas in true love, the motive and goal for everything you do, every _legitimate_ need you cater to, whether your own or your partner's, ultimately comes down to the same thing : harmony. In other terms, mutually assured happiness. An example : having sex with the woman you love is important to you because you deem it instrumental to your happiness, and at the same time, you have to respect her boundaries and emotions, because having your wife feel sexually disrespected / ignored - or worse, abused - would be contradictory to that same happiness, right ? In true love everything is done in the name of collective happiness, whether standing up for your own needs or striving to meet your partner's. Because it's the primary and ultimate concern, all actions are measured up against it and permeated by it ; it 'interposes itself' between service and reward. Which is why the truly loving acts of service are _indirectly_ self-beneficial (and sometimes directly as well), contrary to transactional services. Not sure if I'm explaining this clearly. Basically they satisfy you on a deep psychological level, and sometimes they pleasure you as well, whereas the transactional ones only pleasure you. I guess my point is that in true love the oppostion between self-love and altruism becomes irrelevant and gradually disappears. True love is the merging of each other's needs, the communalization of the pursuit of happiness, and commitment to such a relationship means acknowledging this and acting accordingly. And so it also means doing away with unhealthy one-sided demands, that are dishonest because they're in fact disguised ways to get the other to 'fix' something in us that is not their responsibility, and tip the balance by having them do something that doesn't, even indirectly, add to their own happiness. Hence my previous mention of ' _legitimate_ needs'. I guess you could say that there are no such things as 'illegitimate needs' and that they are in fact _wants_ . To illustrate, you _need_ to feel heard & understood by your partner, but while you do _need_ to find a sense of self identity, you do not _need_ your partner to do this for you, though you might _want_ them to. It's something you should provide for yourself. I believe this is what Alicia is talking about at 8:28.

@d_dave7200

Жыл бұрын

​@@AliciaB. I never said they couldn't exist separately -- I simply said that "true/real love" contains them and the feelings are not individual but amalgamated. Trying to separate them is simplistic. There is no established definition of love -- there just isn't. It's one of the most complex and debated concepts in the human experience, and I've heard multiple formulations. Love, especially romantic love with all its layers, is not straightforward and simple. I think it's important to differentiate between infatuation and affection, as well as non-romantic affection and romantic affection. I would argue that when people talk about romantic love, they're most often focusing on the affection element. But I don't think that's bad, because it's extremely powerful and deep in a good, long-term committed relationship where you've built up so many experiences together, and relied on and trusted each other through hard times. That "affection" changes from the infatuation of the early days into something deeper, but in a solid marriage it gets stronger rather than weaker, like a fine wine. It's essential and central to any loving marriage, and separating it strikes me as a naïve take. There are times that I look at my wife with an affection unlike anything I've experienced with any other person, and far greater than I could if I hadn't been with someone 10+ years. I could not love my wife without this -- it's essential, and arguably more central to the love experience than the selfless choices that follow. The problem with the rest of your response isn't that much you said is wrong, per se -- the thing you describe is certainly a possible way to define love. The problem is that the way you describe it appears to imply a relationship is either "true love" or not. Unfortunately that's not how relationships work. Even the phrase "true love" is fraught in western culture and ought not to be used. There is no perfect marriage. Everything exists on a spectrum. This is why my OP is relevant in the first place. I don't believe there is such a thing as an entirely non-transactional, entirely selfless committed marriage relationship, even if it may be a good ideal for which to strive. Similarly I doubt there are many entirely transactional committed relationship unless it's fully and consciously a marriage of convenience. In the real world, most marriages are somewhere in between. A relationship can have some aspects of true love, and be too transactional, and that marriage may fail. On the other hand a relationship can have some transactional elements and still succeed. The real world isn't black and white. Communalization of needs, while it is a thing I agree with and have experienced in my own marriage, implies a marriage with no problems. When there's a particular area of tension in a marriage, one tends to have to think about their own needs to make the marriage work. Failure to do so in that situation would in many cases mean a failed marriage. Some need or very important want is not being met through the magic of communalization, and let's be honest -- there's almost always an issue somewhere in a marriage to resolve. So there's no fully communal marriage either. To summarize, if we're talking ideals to strive for that's fine. But if formulating love the way you are could make people feel their perfectly normal marriages are inadequate, it could do some harm. So we need to be careful about how we frame this, especially as a marriage therapist.

To quote Doctor Who "Love is a promise" My belief on love is that it is the light in someone's darkness. Just my thought.

I hope the next video helps with knowing how to be more loving and think less transactionally. I definitely need help with that.

Eh.. This idea that you have to love yourself before you can love other people thing has not been accurate in my life. I only started to love myself in the unconditional sense once I had a friendship that worked that way. It took until my 20s to really have that reciprocated to me and that is when I not only learned to be kind to myself about my flaws but to actually love myself without expecting anything from myself. It was sharing that kind of love and affection with someone that allowed me to do that with myself too.

Is two quite different people fall for each other and I think we both might be drawn to each other because we see that the other has what we lack due to flaws I don't think we'll complete each other, but I think we will together point out the flaw in each other and be role models to each other to show what living without those flaws look like

What I am feeling for him feels like love based on what you describe. But like, I have like dated him for a couple of week And I'm a little bit scared. Why do I feel it this early? It's been weeks!

BABY DON'T HURT ME DON'T HURT ME NO MO

This is crazy… in all my relationships this has been true. However what I have lacked in my past and current partner is emotional or intellectual support from them, and they lack my physical support from me. This has been due to my lack of time and energy as a medical student, and for them just different points of vue. If anyone wants to jump in and give ma advice for my futur relationships, I would be thankful.

❤️

I think as a society we have to stop being so transactional about everything. It sets a bad mindset. If I invite my friends into my home and they want a drink from the fridge, they can have a drink. They ask, I nod, but that nod is all that is required, they don't have to then give me money later or promise to give me something equal later, I don't care, I offered or they asked, I agreed, that SHOULD be the end of it, and it annoys me when later they try to do this whole "paying their way" mess, that frankly makes me uncomfortable. Stop putting prices on Friendship!! As for loving yourself, for YEARS I didn't understand that. People would say that I needed to do that first and I'd just get angry and irked cause it seemed like a dumb reason I wasn't getting what I wanted!! LMAO In the end I get it, I got it, I'm good, once I really did love me everything else came into focus so much easier, and as much as I hated to admit it, all those trite platitude sounding words finally rang true. Ughh. I hate being wrong, but I was. You DO have to love yourself first.

I've given real love, but I'm not sure if I have ever been really loved. I'm a giver, and I don't expect anything in return. After all my giving, and not requiring anything in return, it's no surprise I've never gotten anything either. And I'm definitely not a victim. I guess I'm attempting to kill them with kindness. Without actually killing anyone 😂 I was married for 33 years. Nothing different, I did pretty much everything for her.

This version of real love seems unrealistic. Of course, I want to do things for my husband without expecting a direct quid pro quo because I care about him, I want him to be happy. But if my husband didn't reciprocate (not keeping score) over time I'd feel betrayed, hurt, resentful and eventually angry and fall out of love with him. To me that means I DO expect things in order to love.

@horchatatee5407

Жыл бұрын

They mentioned in the video that it's not healthy to keep score but that if there's an overall trend of one person giving and giving and the other person not, there's a problem. It's about balance.

@Optimistprime.

Жыл бұрын

They explain this in the video. You can't be a doormat or the one who always sacrifices. If the other person feels the same then the work balances out.

I feel like I am not able to actually love someone. As if my heart was closed from everyone.

@saionjisan

Жыл бұрын

Maybe that is true, maybe you just need the help of a therapist to guide you

I feel like I will do these tasks for friends or even acquaintances, like if someone needed some help/didn’t have lunch: i would split mine with co-worker, without intention of anything in return. Is this love? I don’t think so? So with this definition, does it hit true love once a certain number of events occurred? I am in my most serious relationship I’ve had and wondering myself, am I in love? And I find myself thinking yes, but then also thinking perhaps it’s just in love with the version of the person I see now. For example we have been dating 7 months and I think I know them very well, but still there are more things I am learning and also as we are growing we can change. I guess this argument is invalid because you can fall out of love as people change or as you get to know them more? Different topic kind of but came to mind and curious if others have similar opinions, but I kind of feel like there is some pressure to fall in love as you continue through dating. Excited to read others thoughts!

@AliciaB.

Жыл бұрын

giving half of your lunch to a coworker is 100% an act of love. brotherly love, charity, humanitarianism, whatever you wanna call it but it's love nonetheless. I think they should have specified in the video, even if it's kinda obvious, that they were talking about true _romantic_ love. Any type of love can be true, ie, pure and genuine, so that includes brotherly love, friendship/platonic love, parental love, etc. I think you were confused because you thought of the word as meaning only 'romance'

@dianaballon0210

Жыл бұрын

The more you get to know a person and the more you deeply understand them, the more you love them. Or at least that has been my experience. But the interesting part is that you can love a person and not necessarily be in a relationship with them (romantic or otherwise). For a romantic relationship to last there are other aspects that have to add up, like physical attraction, compatibility, willingness to actually be together and make it work, etc. So it is more likely that physical attraction wanes, that people outgrow each other and are no longer compatible or that one of them is not willing to put in the work anymore, than it is to “fall out of love”. From my perspective, love just Can’t be undone or suddenly disappear 🤷🏻‍♀️

@AliciaB.

Жыл бұрын

@@dianaballon0210 very good point. I don't think people really 'fall out of love' either. the problem is that the word 'love' is constantly used to mean things that are in fact very distinct from true love. so when people say they 'fall out of love', they really fall out of infatuation, of attraction. also, when two people break up despite having been genuinely in love, from what I've observed they usually keep having some form of platonic, friendly love for each other even if they no longer want to be part of each other's life.

@dianaballon0210

Жыл бұрын

@@AliciaB. exactly

this might be dumb but please react to mikasa and erens romance. so many people want to know if their relationship is toxic.

@AliciaB.

Жыл бұрын

don't 'the people' have a brain of their own ?

My past comment was made in honest inquiry, asking if Jonathan was aware of it, because I trust he wants to recommend something good to their community. So, I don't understand why it got erased :( This is making me doubt the book recommendation even more.

@MendedLight

Жыл бұрын

Jonathan here. Please, what was your comment? I'm not aware of any erasing and I'd like to know your thoughts!

@hdzmiriam

Жыл бұрын

@@MendedLight Thanks for your reply Jonathan! I don't know what happened then! I was commenting I got the Real Love book following your recommendation, was finding it very insightful, and thought there could be discussions about the book! My comment was: while looking for these book groups, I found these reddits discussions about Real Love groups and how people gave money to the author and were told to cut contact with their families, partners, etc. because they could not love them unconditionally (a few anecdotes used the concepts from the book: wise men, women, etc.). I thought this was something to be aware of and wanted to know if you had heard something. And when I thought my message got erased, I grew more concerned, but perhaps was a glitch because I pasted the reddit links. Thanks for your reply. I'll keep reading the book, but I'm being more mindful about what it says. Also, just wanted to say too I've been following Cinema Therapy and your channel here and has helped me a lot. Thanks for your work and frankness!

I’m sitting here watching the dumpster fire that is the bachelorette season finale and thinking about everything I’ve learned from your channel. I hate this awful reality show but I am so thankful that I have quality teachers like you to make me a more mature person and wash this filth from my brain.

@amberts180

7 ай бұрын

I like that this season seemed like a campaign for older watchers to renew their sense of hope in still finding a loving partner. That said, what I actually witnessed was so awful and I can’t imagine going through that experience without needing therapy pronto!

this video was confusing n kinda contradicting im more lost now 🐥

What’s funny is that so many people are in relationships who don’t love themselves. Meanwhile, they preach to singles as if the singles don’t love themselves when they practice self love more than those hypocritical people in relationships venting about their struggles.

TLDR: The fundamental idea of the video is that real love is selfless and unconditional, requiring individuals to love and accept themselves while also caring for the happiness of others without expecting anything in return. 00:00 💑 Real love is sincerely caring for the happiness of another person without expecting anything in return, which is considered a Christ-like form of love and a foundational aspect of all world religions and philosophies. 01:36 💔 Love is often confused with affection, attachment, and attraction, but true love is loving without expecting anything in return, and the speaker struggled with this concept, realizing that they were seeking validation from their partner instead of loving themselves. 02:48 💑 Transactional love is not real love; it is the expectation of receiving something in return for giving, and society's romantic ideals have misled us into thinking that someone else can make us happy or complete us. 03:53 💑 Real love requires balancing responsibilities, meeting needs, and maintaining boundaries to foster happiness and trust while protecting oneself from rejection, which can lead to dishonesty and harm the relationship. 05:37 💑 Taking out the trash in a marriage should be done out of self-discipline and commitment, not as a means to get something in return, emphasizing the importance of giving without expectations in a relationship. 07:00 💑 Real love requires balance, self-love, and communication, and cannot be based on keeping score or expecting someone to complete you. 08:25 🤔 We all naturally need to be seen, heard, and understood, but our behaviours are often just a facade influenced by our childhood experiences. 09:05 💕 Real love is about recognizing our innate worth, loving and accepting ourselves, and being able to receive love from others, while also nurturing and loving ourselves.

Wow that womans narcissism is quite annoying

@kattell5183

5 ай бұрын

yes

Why does the guy stare at her? Sus

Me watching this video and realizing i am in fact in love with one of my friends🧍‍♂ Welp, idk if it's good or not

🐻🩺Dr. Bear?

@LVLifeguard

Жыл бұрын

Baer, but close ;-)