Disorganized attachment is the worst. I have no words at the moment except sadness, loneliness and the desire to isolate. I've been dealing with this crap for so long I won't isolate because it makes things worse, my friends and Jesus are my rock. I'm coping, I'm trying so hard. I want to heal, I need to heal... 🥺

@drsia2323

2 жыл бұрын

I wish you all the best along the way!

@phoeblie

Жыл бұрын

Hi! I'm going through the same thing. Fighting the pull of wanting to be alone and just let my troubles consume me, but making myself go out to see people and remember to read the Bible and ask God for help. I believe we are capable to heal and feel better!

@mitacestalia7532

Жыл бұрын

Same, I'm forcing myself to go out and join muay thai community just so I can go out and stop isolating myself.

@ShortGirlsClimbCounters

8 ай бұрын

Same, I relate so much. I don't find these kind of videos to be very helpful...I'm going through a book right now on disorganized attachment that lists a bunch of helpful therapies. I'm hoping I find some results with some of the info in it.

@PriestOfYod

Ай бұрын

Same here. Trust is probably the biggest thing to overcome for me. Thinking of joining the personal development school from Thais Gibson (on KZread)

My trigger is when I’m in a relationship and I sense someone pulling away or not responding immediately. I start to get anxiety that they’re going to lose interest in me. What do I do?

@ba1354

2 жыл бұрын

Omg same

@drsia2323

2 жыл бұрын

That makes so much sense! Work through the anxiety in therapy or through other forms of healing and you will see that what the anxiety wants is for you to be alone so it makes it happen!

@LeahChereMason

2 жыл бұрын

Girl SAME!!!!! I literally could never put it into words myself but you legit SAID IT!! You’re not alone, trust and believe

@chilloften

2 жыл бұрын

You have to live thru it to the other side and can’t believe your stories, unless you have proof that they are real. And if they are real, trust that you will respond accordingly.

@Zainab___khan

Жыл бұрын

Oh my goddd... I'm 21 i even feel the same.. What are you doing to heal yourself and how are your relationships now?

I believe you won't really ever be able to avoid your triggers, you must lean into them and process what makes you feel that way in order to heal. You can't avoid your triggers forever. Exposure therapy, although it was painful, has helped me more than anything and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

My problem is communication, for example. Childhood: my father would make a promise, and not pull through on it. Which in reality, to a certain extent its okay. We’re humans, things can happen, and we may not pull through. However he never awarded with enough dignity to give me a call to say that plans changed. At LEAST I deserved communication! I would be left on a Poarch for hours, waiting on someone who would never come. Today, I go through the same things with guys, and somehow I attract and interact with them and this does not fuse well with my disorganized thinking. Once situations like this take place, I become anxious, frustrated, and indulge in self-sabotaging behaviors. I’m reading books, but is it safe to engage in relationships? If not what is a realistic marker to begin dating and engaging in relationships with this attachment?

@drsia2323

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing. I think you can feel safe when you understand your patterns fully or at least to the point where you can see all of your experiences come together to result in a pattern whereby your mind sets you up for more rather than less pain. Do you have access to attachment based therapy?

@theauthenticchannel0

2 жыл бұрын

@@drsia2323 yes. I am currently in counseling once a week; in addition, I have also picked up a book “adult children to emotionally immature parents” to better understand the situation and myself.

@drsia2323

2 жыл бұрын

@@theauthenticchannel0 That is great! Let me know how you go down the line!

@aprilwalterscheid

10 ай бұрын

Most relatable comment I have ever read on the internet. Same thing; broken promises, waiting hours, not communicating. Indulged in picking at my skin in private for hours and creating scabs which turns out I was dissociating and trying to ground myself.

Avoid triggering situations? Ok so no social interactions at all then....but isolation is also a trigger 🫤

@ShortGirlsClimbCounters

8 ай бұрын

Right? Impossible to avoid either one! Being around people is triggering, being alone is triggering.

This is the first video I’ve watched of yours and that ending made me laugh. Subbed!

so many use full videos. thank you very much!

Hey. Thank you for taking the time to make these videos. I found them on KZread while going through an episode. Could you or someone explain to me what istb therapy is?

Keep up loading your amazing videos Dr Sia

@drsia2323

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you kindly!

My trigger: dating. So i shouldnt date then? :(

@drsia2323

Жыл бұрын

Once you have evidence that you are ready then maybe give it a go!

great video dr sia 💚

@drsia2323

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you!

My bestfriend was really helpful and always wanted to communicate what makes me feel bad so that he could correct but lately my trigger started getting too much that i lashed on him badly and he felt that no matter what he do, i am never going to understand him and he left. My triggers were mainly when i didn't get replies on time or when he is with other friend and i used to feel he forgot me, or even when it's three of us and he is talking to friend in some topic i start just becoming cold , i sabotaged my healthy relationship with someone bcoz of this

I’ll be starting therapy sessions soon

@drsia2323

2 жыл бұрын

excellent work! this should help with your question from before too! I have a new video out too on Ambivalent attachment so maybe check that out too!

I don’t trust close people around me and pull away quickly

@drsia2323

2 жыл бұрын

Sometimes it's ourselves we do not trust. Thank you for commenting.

@mudskippa8958

2 жыл бұрын

@@drsia2323 Great comment. And sometimes it's both.

@whiterobin01

2 жыл бұрын

@@drsia2323 I am also wondering if the DA doesn't trust that he/or she can be able to walk away or extricate themselves from someone if they truly do get betrayed or abused. I guess it's because the root is with the parents whom they really couldn't do that without risking their survival.

@drsia2323

2 жыл бұрын

@@whiterobin01 That is a very precise and accurate guess about what happens many times for DA!

@drsia2323

2 жыл бұрын

@@mudskippa8958 Yes I often wonder however if we feel general distrust towards others when we truly trust our own ability to tell the difference between safe and unsafe others.

Dr. Sia, do most therapists even acknowledge or know about Disorganized Attachment?

@drsia2323

2 жыл бұрын

Most know about it but do not utilize it within the therapy. Many think it is theory and not usable. ISTDP uses it and relies on it.

Doing ISTDP currently here in Canada - VERY fortunate to have found a therapist who is working with Dr. Abbass in NS 🇨🇦. I’d never heard of disorganized attachment, probably due to the fact that I’m just realizing that’s probably what I suffer from in the first place is attachment disorder along with other issues. I still struggle with feeling. When I’m asked what I’m feeling I have no idea. Everything is buried so deeply inside of me but at least I feel a crack happening and I’m beginning to feel “something“. This is such intensive therapy but I agree it’s a fantastic modality. Definitely NOT for everybody. My issue is with allowing myself to visualize the release of the trauma. I cannot do it. Shame? Anger? Control? No idea but it’s stuck inside of me “wanting” to come out…that much I CAN feel. Very frustrating yet rewarding as I feel some shifts of “stuff” (for want of a better word) in my body! I cannot throw the anger onto my therapist but I can on a third-party somewhat. My body wants to release it physically by hitting hurting kicking but I know I’m not supposed to be doing that. Any suggestions on how to aid the release through visualization only! Enjoying your videos. Seeing someone kind of struggling in your faux- ISTDP session made me feel a little better about that ambivalence I feel when I asked to search inside for what I’m feeling. I DON’T KNOW what I’m FEELING vs. what I’m actually THINKING! Such a hard distinction for me to separate the “head” and just “feel” the body sensations. Just came across you today so hoping to find some more “answers” by watching more of your videos.

@drsia2323

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for commenting. Glad to have you here. Really, It's all about noticing and removing the barriers to feeling and understanding (and thereby regulating) the anxiety that arises. What might help to know as you are doing this for yourself is that the anxiety is working on behalf of the attachment traumas and not you. If you can notice the defenses and barriers and push through the anxiety that comes from doing so in a steady and manageable pace (never more than you can understand and manage) despite the discomfort that arises from removing these barriers/defenses your buried feelings will be felt. I hope that helps.

@Thysta

Жыл бұрын

Not trying to be disrespectful but have you ever seen these things work in real life? Or you just say what you learned from books and others?

i need therapy i have been deal with so many trauma but i cant afford a therapy, im still young my mom is not helping me no one is helping me im doing all of this by myself

Daniel hills affect regulation theory

What can I do about my ambivalent attachment?

@drsia2323

2 жыл бұрын

video coming next week on that!

Whenever I get into a relationship...I make my partner the center of my universe!!!!!

There is no availability for therapy..everyone is booked though my insurance

@drsia2323

2 жыл бұрын

Yes it seems the same is happening here in Australia!

@dariamancini963

5 ай бұрын

I guess reading the book might be useful regardless

5:04 this is how I ended up with no friends haha

My trigger is usually my dismissive avoidant best friend/partner usually ahaha, but i do am trying to grow out of my attachment

@drsia2323

2 жыл бұрын

Good on you!

He doesn't know he is wasting a lot of his money. So, he is spending $80 in total to go in 4 days to buy the pass

constantly tortured by 😢narcissist and dismissive.

Out of curiosity, couldn't you potentially strengthen your frontal lobe with any information, anything you find absorbing? Studying about psychology, as it pertains to me, can become time consuming, but in a much more negative sense. Getting involved in hobbies, researching things that interest me, generally, makes me happier in ways learning about my own psychological deficits can never do.

@drsia2323

2 жыл бұрын

Super interesting question! I hope others read your question and interesting suggestions as well. What is required from a neurological perspective for health is limbic system activation primarily in the right hemisphere with simultaneous left prefrontal cortex activation. So reading books alone to do this is like reading books about climbing to become an expert mountain climber without practicing climbing...it might be somewhat useful but something really big will be missing. However, you are right, you can strengthen your frontal lobe through reading (or more so thinking) for sure! So yes to strengthen but the strength may not apply if that makes sense?

@katet4554

2 жыл бұрын

@@drsia2323thanks for you reply..... I researched, briefly, some of the basic neurological components that I was not previously acquainted with. From my laymen's understanding, it would seem, that a person's limbic system, and amygdala can be activated (in a positive sense) through various means. For instance, my current hobby, mushroom hunting/foraging, I would consider fairly physically taxing. It also can be precarious, in that, I'm often alone, I can and have gotten slightly lost ( i.e. fear), as I am not on any kind of trail and I go through many different types of terrain. It certainly can and does activate your amygdala and limbic system. Then, I get to take home specimens and read, learning more about my present hobby. As someone who was formerly agoraphobic, and wouldn't walk down the street, I feel like this particular hobby, which I do for fun, is a far more effective means of "exposure therapy," than talking with someone about that fear. It's just jumping in, with both feet, into the deep end of the pool, rather than having someone hold your hand in the "kiddie pool." There is, for me, a greater satisfaction in having accomplished something myself than with the help of another.........if that makes sense?

This wasn’t really helpful at all. No real actions or exercises that can be implemented....

Mmmm, therapy is NOT THE MOST HELPFUL. Be careful, that is a very dangerous accusation to make… most therapist tbh, are profoundly incompetent dealing with trauma. disorganized attachment required healing of the attachment system, and therapy is by far from the only means to do that.

Can one use some of the tests on the web about attachment styles to get a hint of one's style? There is, for example, Diane Pooles: dianepooleheller.com/attachment-test/ If so, is there anyone you would recommend?

@drsia2323

2 жыл бұрын

Good question. The online stuff such as the link you provided has no evidence whatsoever so if you rely on it you might be misled or even worse hurt. There are inventories available such as the adult attachment inventory but I cannot find one that is free for use. I will check and see if I can find one that is scientific and available for public use and let you know.

@ebbenielsen7

2 жыл бұрын

@@drsia2323 Thank you for your response. And also thank you for researching the "market" with tests related to attachment online. Here, in the nature of things, it can probably be quite difficult to find something that has a certain degree of validity, I think - precisely because it is online. But I'm very curious.

I think this attachment is one of the hardest to heal, you find an avoidant partner and your anxious attachment style takes the lead or you find a secure partner and bom 🗯️ out of nowhere your avoidant attachment comes out sabotaging everything … you can never win 😔 i just find myself isolating and not looking for partners because nothing feels right … trying to heal feels like a blind electrician trying to connect the wires…🤣 sending love to all of you whom like me are in this situation, you’ve been through a lot …you are amazing , keep it going and one day we might be able to give and receive love the right way ❤️

@md.md16

7 ай бұрын

You've hit the nail on the head lol.. We can never win. The trauma is too deep. It would take a lot to unlearn everything you've known, and start over, especially after a lifetime of damage.