Thank you so much for making these videos, as difficult as it may be while navigating symptoms and side effects. I’m on year 7 of my bipolar 1 w/ psychotic features journey and as you probably have already found, the content/information regarding the diagnosis is definitely limited so it’s nice to hear other perspectives pertaining to BP psychosis. As for me, mania = trouble. Absolutely nothing positive has come from me going manic and slipping into psychosis. Dangerous and traumatic for everyone involved is the best way to describe it. I can however see the appeal in a slightly elevated mood (hypomania if you will) after living as a depressed mess for months on end due to shame, guilt, regret, and trauma from the occurrences during psychosis. It’s definitely a fine line that needs to be kept in check.

one of the best bipolar mood disorder type I experiential knowledge youtube channels . thank u as always for your work :')

@BipolarPerson

Жыл бұрын

Thank you my friend! 😁

Your content on bipolar is so good, you honestly need more subscribers! I guess people w/o bipolar assume mania would feel better, compared to the near constant depression that comes with the disorder. But from what you said (and what ive read in research) mania only looks like the person is "happily high" but secretly is tormented, afraid, and most likely still very depressed. Especially if in the throes of psychosis, this is nwhen they are at most risk of injury, intentionally, unintentionally, or by suicide.

I'm bipolar type 1 and I've only had one mania so far it had good and bad sides. I was hitting on absolutely every girl in my company, I was talking to 5 girls at the same time on tinder. I was very outgoing, very energetic, there was no filter in my speech. Hypersociable, I was chatting with about 20 people at the same time per message. Feeling of being overpowered, of having the personality of a president. I was posting a lot of stories on instagram with the feeling of being a known influencer. But I was becoming more and more paranoid with delusions of persecution, I was no longer in control of my thoughts, I was convinced that my boss had hired hitmen to kill me, it ended up making me cry with fear. So no for me it was a bad and terrifying experience. Otherwise I like hypomania, I talk really fast, I can't sit still for 10 seconds, I feel like I'm on cocaine. Otherwise I alternate with very serious depressions. I can't get out of bed, I cry all the time, I can't make food, I'm terribly tired and I want to die 7 days a week. Fortunately my illness did not kill me but it is terrifying to be bipolar, at least we are less afraid of death

@BipolarPerson

Жыл бұрын

I spent a lot of years wanting to die everyday, it's really horrible I'm sorry. The medication really helps me though. I've just had to have it adjusted a lot. Hypomania and mania are so wierd, it's so strange how a mental illness can take over your mind! Hopefully the aftermath wasn't that bad..

I have bipolar II. Normally my hypomania only lasts a week or so and involves hyper fixation, less sleep, extreme irritability, and angry outbursts (and sometimes hypersexuality). Last month I had the worst hypomanic episode I've ever had which lasted about a month and a half. I was extremely hypersexual, I could feel my body buzzing with energy (I felt like I was vibrating), and I could literally feel that I was losing my mind and I wanted to burst out of my skin. It was horrible! I don't get the energy boost or the euphoria that others get. So, no, I don't like hypomania.

@BipolarPerson

Жыл бұрын

Feeling hypersexual is so uncomfortable. I didn't know hypomania could last that long! I'm so glad you made it through and are still here! I swear it feels like we escape death with every episode we make it through!

@blessedmandy1

Жыл бұрын

Same here

@AishaMBudgets

Жыл бұрын

@@BipolarPerson Wow! Thank you so much for responding! I feel like a celebrity has reached out to me. You are absolutely right about escaping death every time.

I discovered you recently and love your videos as they are very calming. You always show grace in your videos and I'm sure they impact others as they do me. Great to see you posting again! I hope you are well.

@BipolarPerson

Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much, I appreciate you! I'm so glad it helps, please let me know if there are any topics you want to see a video on.

I enjoy hypomania, not mania. Mania for me is usually life altering and lasts for months. Hypomania for me lasts for a few weeks and is a relief from the constant depression I feel when I'm not manic. But actual mania is terrifying. I'll believe people hate me, are going to hurt me, that I can't die so I'll do really unsafe things, people won't be able to handle me talking so fast or radically so they just stay away from me. Sometimes I'll be convinced everything is a sign from the universe either that I am amazing and better than others, or that I'm horrible and don't deserve anything good. Can't sleep no matter how hard I try, even with sleeping meds. The TV will be "talking" to me, the way trees blow in the wind will be "telling" me something, I'll be so full of anxiety. I get very aggressive and sometimes homicidal. I break laws, hurt people emotionally, and don't know what's real. Mania is scary as hell. I experience mixed episodes and psychotic features with mania. It's really scary.

@BipolarPerson

Жыл бұрын

And it scarier the when everyone starts pulling away from you.

@xxbeccabrutalityxx7873

Жыл бұрын

@@BipolarPerson definitely.

Ps. I also discovered your channel recently, and I want to thank you, you are authentic, vulnerable, just so real and relatable, and don't somehow romanticise having it such as a very irritating channel I came across where she speaks of bipolar as fitting into a box, and that we all act or feel xyz, I actually let wrap on one of her videos, told.her she needs to be careful, the things she is saying will make anyone with a spouse or loved one with bipolar run, and often some of the symptoms she describes as being bipolar symptoms, seem more like personality disorder symptoms than a mood disorder. I found it very frustrating that she has so many followers, is a fake a stick on tattoo, and has no idea whatnshe talking about. That is not bipolar at all. Your videos are so so so real to me in terms of relatability and truthfulness. I enjoy your content. You are a beautiful soul, one can see that in your eyes. Keep going, for us and for you. I.hope I can get some tips watching your videos, because my moods are out of control.

@BipolarPerson

Жыл бұрын

Who is it? I got frustrated because I follow this huge youtuber who has schitzophrenia and she was saying she doesn't talk about her delusions because "it's no one's business" I'm like what?!?!? you have a channel dedicated to your illness!!!! That is part of it!!! It's not fair to talk about a mental illness and ommit the parts you deem too embarrassing. Thank you so much for your support! ❤️ The best thing I do for my moods is exercise and meditation. Omitting coffee helps but man that is hard!!!!

@Chinelle1711

Жыл бұрын

Lizziesanswers its called. It frustrates the hell out of me, its not a fashion, nor is it anything like she describes. I wanted to say something ugly about her "live mixed episode" video, but I bit my tongue. I cannot believe she has so many followers and likes etc. Enrages me, i feel like she is giving everyone the wrong idea of what bipolar is. Her version of bipolar is not everyone's like she makes it out to be. You are the real deal. I watch the narcissist channels too due to relationships I have had and been messed up so badly by them. Most are click batty, and vilify anyone they refer to as a narcissist. But there are real people who suffer from this unpleasant disorder, there is one channel called "clusterBmilkshake", she has a legitimate diagnosis of npd, and is so unbelievably authentic and vulnerable. Shows her emotions, explains why, and is not shy to go down the dark road with people. It is so refreshing to see the other side of the story. The truth. The humanity.

@BipolarPerson

Жыл бұрын

@@Chinelle1711 I know her channel!!! I found a video a while ago I thought was good but I just watched her mixed episode video and yeah I can see why you are mad. That is NOT what I understand a mixed episode to be. And she shows it in a light hearted way. When I'm in a mixed episode, I cannot focus like that and you are angry and happy, depressed at the sametime. Maybe she is confused about a mixed episode. I get frustrated with a lot of youtubers too. I looked at the clusterb channel too, I'm gonna follow it. People throw around the word narrcissit like they do bipolar to describe someone in an aweful way. People forget personality disorders are mental illnesses as well and are not our choice. I'm glad you're here! Please lmk if there is any topic you want to see a video on. Thank you so much again for your support. ❤️

@BipolarPerson

Жыл бұрын

Do you have a website or instagram for the rescue?

Hi, I was diagnosed with bipolar type 1 in 2019, im on Epilizine and zoxadon, and thats really kept me from having episodes. I went through the not feeling like needed medication, to being able to control it to going into schizophrenia. I didnt hear voices or see stuff, i was just delusional with thinking I was spy of some sort and my gf was a spy and she was holding me against my will. The last episode was the worst i had and ever since then iv stuck to my meds even when iv felt depressed on them just so that i wouldnt go through the mania. As energetic and heroic as I felt, i have nightmares now of being off my meds and going manic and not being able to ground myself again.

@BipolarPerson

Жыл бұрын

I can relate. I have PTSD from it so bad I grind my teeth and my nightmares are always me back in mania, being chased by the cops or bad people around me. I used to wake up 3 times a night to change clothes because I get the night sweats and would wake up feezing from my soaked side of the bed. It's a lot better now. Man your meds make you depressed? That's no bueno, maybe you can try a different one? I hate changing medication it's so scary but I'm learning sometimes things have to be added and taken away. Delusions are so interesting and strange to me. I've never been a spy but I worked for the undercover CIA when I was psychotic according to my delusion. It's kinda funny when I type it out. lol

I used to enjoy my hypomanias until that one time that turned into mania and I didn't see that coming (was diagnosed type 2). I became psychotic and it was an awful experience that lasted for months since I also got off all my meds and took forever to get back on. Ever since then my hypomanias morph into mixed episodes so there's nothing to enjoy anymore even if I wanted to. My diagnosis got changed to type 1 and I try to stay on my meds now so I don't get more psychotic symptoms and hopefully I'll avoid both mixed episodes and mania. I still miss my euphoric hypomanias from the past but I know they were only an illusion of myself.

@BipolarPerson

Жыл бұрын

"illusion of myself" makes so much sense! So glad you're good now!

Hey, just found you. Its comforting to see other people like me. Im so lonely that reading these comments feels like having friends. I have this compulsive thought sequence, it goes like this :"i am never getting married and it's better for everyone (all humanity) that i dont have kids. And i will never have a partner and i will die young and alone." i struggle to do my minimum wage job and i cant keep up with family or friends. Ive been left behind, or rather my path was always a dead-end with no off ramp. I fantasize about death all the time and its getting harder to find logical reasons to keep going.. what for? Theres nothing for us here. Please say SOMEthing, anything that will make my heart unclench, it hurts and i cant take it anymore

@BipolarPerson

Жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry. Have you been diagnosed with anything? Are you safe right now? Do you know of 988? You can dial 988 at anytime to talk to a person if you are feeling suicidal. I know it's hard, know it feels dead end I've been there but if you can just stick it out I promise it will be worth it. The road simply goes down a steep road (you just can't see that in the distance) but it goes back up and sometimes there are curves (right? the fun part) but it always goes back up. The ride is worth it, it's just so hard to see that through the lense of depression. ❤️

@joeysaks6516

Жыл бұрын

Thank you😢. I got my prescription filled today (my therapist had to do it actually) I'm just gonna try hold on and not do anything stupid. For some reason

@joeysaks6516

Жыл бұрын

I'm bipolar too, was diagnosed after I overdosed in my super religious school. Got kicked out and it's been downhill since then. It's a death sentence, just takes a while before you realize it

@BipolarPerson

Жыл бұрын

It will get better, I used to think I would never find anyone and have all those same feelings but it's temporary. You're here because you're supposed to be and you may not know why but it's important and you matter so just hold on. Your future needs you. ❤️

I used to love being manic. I got a lot of shit done and i was way more creative. However my decision making was horrible. I got into fights and i spent money like crazy. I started taking an antipyschotic and yeah its boring af, but at least I dont anything stupid.

@BipolarPerson

Жыл бұрын

"boring AF" lol!!

There now is a generic for Latuda.

@BipolarPerson

Жыл бұрын

Thank goodness!!! I was blown away when my friend told me how much it cost!

There is an interesting Stephen Fry documentary related to bipolar. (KZread) He shares his experience -- and he asks a number of people if they would choose to not be bipolar given the choice. His documentary suggested that most people would still choose to be bipolar. It is who they are.

@BipolarPerson

Жыл бұрын

Interesting I'm curious to know who these people are because we are not our illness. Bipolar Disorder is a diagnosis not who are. The symptoms are symptoms not reflective of our personality or who we are in any way. I think if anyone says they wouldn't change being bipolar it would be only because of the strength we gain in our pain that we feel but maybe that's what they meant? I haven't seen the documentary but I'll check it out for sure. I think someone else mentioned that doc before so maybe I should watch it and do a response video? Ohhhh I'm gonna ask Reddit right now. Stay tuned... 😁

@BipolarPerson

Жыл бұрын

can you send me a link for that doc?

@chrisgar1722

Жыл бұрын

@@BipolarPerson KZread: BBC The Secret Life Of The Manic Depressive Part 1 (must be a Part 2, etc). Part 1 at 38 minutes is one example.

@chrisgar1722

Жыл бұрын

@@BipolarPerson kzread.info/dash/bejne/eKh9z8mnmpiqfpM.html

@BipolarPerson

Жыл бұрын

thank you! I'm watching it today. 😁

I have Bipolar type 2, but can't say much about hypomania, because in my experiences the hypomania lasts 2 or 3 days and then turns to a mixed episode, I don't wish a mixed episode on my worst enemy. I feel so completely out of control, angry and sometimes think I may be an undiagnosed Bipolar type 1 just because of how severe my mixed episodes are. At times they last a week or 2, but recently had one that last 2 months. My psychiatrist of 15 years immigrated, and I was referred to another, but since the switch, my episodes have become more severe. In a month I have had times of spending enough money to have been able to buy a car, but had nothing to show for it other than debt. I have hurt friendships, acted bizarre and embarrassed myself, spending hours early hours morning making things, coming up with business ideas, and never actually finishing anything. Not long after, the crash happens into a major depressive episode, suicidal thoughts, planning, isolating, not eating, weight loss, and uncontrollable bought of crying parked somewhere quiet in my car. And heaven forbid a triggering song or memory comes along. And so often related to my animals because I run a non profit for rescued animals. I get ptsd symptoms from horrific rescues, and a very unhappy childhood, and I do not deal with death of a pet well. With every death (keep in ming I have rescued over 600 animals), comes another dip or high. I can't seem to find the right meds that keeps me stable for long enough to even finish my Diploma, a 2 year diploma which has taken me a good 3 years to get half way, at one point even being kicked out for my crazy behaviour. Its not fun at all. Sometimes Bipolar controls my life so much, that I think of ending just so I don't have to go through episode after episode, with no end in sight.

@BipolarPerson

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for helping the animals. ❤️ I've exposed myself to a lot of animal agriculture so I understand how that can cause and add to ptsd. I'm so sorry it's overwhelming but don't give up on school who cares how long it takes you. I started late at Jr College and took seven years in total to finally transfer and graduate to a 4 year. There is no deadline and so many people just refuse to go. Things will get better. I lost Freddy my baby boy I rescued last September and ended up in a psych ward for 5 days. Losing someone you love is very painful it would be unnatural to not affect your mental health. If you have Instagram even on youtube Ellie has The Gentle Barn a Farm Sanctuary near me and when she loses an animal the way she deals with it is hard but I don't know if you get a chance either way she's a fun account to follow it's @thegentlebarn. Cheers me up sometimes.

@Chinelle1711

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for replying and your kind words. I am one of those people who tolerate a lot of discomfort for the sake of animals. I have 30 dogs who sleep in the house, I normally have to fight for a space on my bed. There is nothing left of my couches, and the latest rescues think the walls taste nice. But I have devoted myself to saving those who have no voice. I am also vegan, for ethical reasons. I cannot fathom how people can lose their marble seeing a dog get hurt, while eating a piece of dead cow who suffered inhumanely for their taste buds. No animal wants to die. And what is the difference between a dog and a cow, they both feel pain, have the ability to love, and ha e such beautiful personalities, and are often very intelligent. I had pet pigs, one weighed 500kg. Not sure what that is in pounds. He was incredibly smart, more so than the smartest dogs I've known. People can be beyond disgraceful. We have it bad here is South Africa with certain cultures believing that animals have no feelings or souls. The abuse all animals suffer at the hands of the people who believe this is indescribable. The one rescuer had to help save a cow tied to a tree, people cutting pieces of the cows flesh off while still alive, because they "didn't have a fridge". Makes me ashamed to be human. Now because of the economy and covid etc. I have lost easily 80% of donations, and many days struggle just to feed everyone and keep the electricity on. Last month I thought I was going to close my little shelter down. If I have to watch the rescues get taken away, euthanized etc because I failed to keep us going, I will easily take my life and get it right. Life is hard. And the South African Rand is worth so little. When the odd person send me pounds or dollars, its like Christmas, 500 dollars pays our rent, 2500 dollars runs the whole sanctuary for a month. Its crazy. Pounds even more crazy. There are so many well off people out there, but its funny, the only ones who try to give are those who have so little themselves. I thought of maybe doing a KZread channel, but I am too shy. And I'd become a comedy show instead of bringing in some donations to keep us alive. Yeah, my studies.. sigh. Don't know if I will ever finish. I now have to beg them to let me back into the program because I messed up so badly during one of my episodes, they would not tolerate me anymore.

@Chinelle1711

Жыл бұрын

I am still so traumatized after watching the documentary "Dominion". Did you ever watch it? I think ot actually took me the whole day to watch it. I kept having to pause and try and calm myself down from my uncontrollable sobbing. I forced myself to watch it till the end. And it has burnt a memory into my heart that is more painful than any of my childhood memories of abuse. It is unfathomable that humans could be so cruel to beings so innocent.

@BipolarPerson

Жыл бұрын

I don't know if I watched the whole thing but I finally watched Earthlings. I had no idea cows are farmed separately solely for leather. It's all horrifying but I follow DXE on instagram and I have ptsd from some of their posts like "ventilation shutdown" when covid was happening. Those images kill me. BUT Direct Action Everywhere members are risking jail time over and over again to fight for the right to rescue basically they're changing laws. I'm hopful for a future where humans no longer use or harm animals in any way. We went to a pig vigil at Farmer John, there is a video on my "vegan stuff" playlist but it really ripped a part of my soul out seeing all those pigs and their human eyes so scared. It was just so devastating.

@BipolarPerson

Жыл бұрын

That's so much pressure, it sounds really hard. Maybe try youtube shorts of the animals and their story can type accross the screen. KZread is really trying to get shorts right now. They just started monetizing shorts this year. But that could be a great way to get more donations. It takes such an emotional working in that environment. The shelter here just started doing instagram videos and I think they are helping.

hi. did you ever feel loved ones (coworkers) used you or took advantage of your mania?

@BipolarPerson

Жыл бұрын

No, but I feel like because of my diagnosis I am automatically the one wrong in every situation. I am automatically the jerk everytime. But I get psychotic, what way do you mean?