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"Curiosity may have killed the cat... But I ain't no cat! I am a F***ing Lion!!!" My Leonin Paladin.

@dragoknight589

2 ай бұрын

Archlich named Curiosity:

@nathanpfirman625

Ай бұрын

@@dragoknight589WTF is an archlich? You mean demilich

“I cast catapult on the child.” I am no longer allowed to use this spell.

@kyleward3914

3 ай бұрын

If I remember the weight restrictions on the spell, it was more likely a baby than a child.

@CATusthetidsresenar

3 ай бұрын

@@kyleward3914 my dm did the math for this exact thing and you technically would have to cast it at level 2 to chuck a newborn.

@juliusnebulus7303

3 ай бұрын

​​​@@CATusthetidsresenarwhat is this conversation? You're almost as evil as my party😂 (Not that i'm better, i've had my fare share if horrible actions too. But still.)

@scottallen4569

3 ай бұрын

Fortunately or unfortunately, the baby would have to be dead (Aka, a corpse) to be targetable by the spell.

My personal favorite: Cleric: "If you fall, I'm not healing your broken legs. You will lay there, with the pain as a lesson to not be an idiot."

@Starfloofle

2 ай бұрын

Reminds me of my Paladin player who got *caught in a literal tornado* who, when asked what his plan was if he fucked up their escape strategy: "I'll break my fall. ....With my legs." This party really needs feather fall.

"I don't like the way that frog is looking at me. I cast Eldritch Blast!"

"I don't need a god, I have a gun. And that's only 2 letters off" -The Dwarven fighter to the God of Vengeance

The most memorable quote from my last session: "Will this absolve us from our crimes? That we didn't commit. We didn't commit any crimes." They did, in fact, commit crimes.

“Assassins are simply people who kill for political reasons. My economic plan is looting your corpse and your new tax bracket is all of your blood.” - Orc assassin talking to an cabal of mindflayers and incubi.

"WAIT IM NOT DEAD, SINCE I WASN"T CONSENTING SO SHE DIDN'T KILL ME " This was a golden line from me

"My Nana says you shouldn't worry about dying because death isn't real."

@OutragedVirus66

3 ай бұрын

How old was your pcs nana?

@goombaluigi8681

3 ай бұрын

I'm going to just assume in the ballpark of yes

"There once was a monk of great fame, Till a bard with a much bigger brain, At once lit a fuse, HAHA ITS A RUSE, THIS ISN'T A SPELL ITS JUST PAIN "

“SAVE ME, DUSTBUNNIES!” “I bite the Werewolf’s crotch.”

I got a few. “You became Superman with a bathtub.” “Moral of the story: Don’t trust white haired girls or their sharks will eat you” Explains a session to people who weren’t there, “I jumped into a bottomless pit, got a magic tattoo, started a bar fight, almost burnt down the adventurer’s guild, got a wish spell, teleported the entire city of Waterdeep to a city with a purple ocean, got chased by the guards and drowned in the purple ocean.” “Theoretically, I can win, it just takes 1E-99999999% chance to win.” “In order to win D&D, we need to eat each other”

DM: "Hold up, let me clean up these bodies real quick and then we can continue."

"Not sure she is into you?! Need i remind you she was looking at you the way i look at a crispy-grilled salmon!"

“I’m gonna punt the goblin.” “You’re two inches tall!” “I’M PUNTING THE GOBLIN.”

“HEY ELF, EAT BOULDER” “HEY ELF, EAT ANOTHER BOULDER” “Hey elf, guess what”

@Aaa-vp6ug

3 ай бұрын

“EAT KNIVES!”

@dragoknight589

2 ай бұрын

@@Aaa-vp6ugsword swallower Vs knife thrower ultimate showdown

@Aaa-vp6ug

2 ай бұрын

@@dragoknight589 lol

"this is why i pay for undermountain premium, no ads" *Plays ad* nice

"Maybe it's time to get rid of my 100lbs of barnacle shells." "Can ghosts sweat underwater?" "Surprise surgery!"

"The Boulder approves this Sexual Harassment" my DM playing a Officer in a London Vampire themed Call of Cthulhu Campaign. There is no context...

Hold the frog, I'm coming in ... and whatever happens do not let it escape

"GIVE ME YOUR BONES!"

@GZilla311

3 ай бұрын

Did they?

@kingofallpie

3 ай бұрын

@@GZilla311 u know it bb

"So is it sea men or is it blood?" *"IT'S BOTH!!!"*

“I can barely hit a staggered dwarf with one hit point in the knee, and you SUMMON A FUCKING DEATH WORM?!?!” *falls out of chair in disbelief*

“My religion just got Bin Ladened” He found his temple ransacked and all the priestesses murdered

"....Why don't you just shrink the guild door and carry it with you?" "...Why not just destroy the old one and make a new one?"

"Who Fridged Roger Rabbit?"

I got a few: "Oh so it's a lot like Portland" "We should have just fought the bees instead" "I started drinking at age 3" "I did NOT mean to draw a roast beef sandwich!" "Wait we're fighting a jacked 5 month old?!" "Can we eat the Pegasus?" "The Pegasus glares at you." "The Pegasus shrugs its wings like 'WTF do you expect?" "So you know the pokemon Gligar?" "Oh yeah it's my favorite." "Not anymore roll initiative."

"That's the 5th Kobold you've shoved into the bag of holding (Dragonborn Fighter)."

"Oh you adorably silly child, you ask too much of the Castigator with each and every question, for he cannot speak, he only punishes those who've earned extreme agony before death... On that note, you may wish to forget your old family"

"The bard didn't try to suduce it? -The answer was shatter"

Literally just finished a session where it happened. "Damn, I new the situation was bad, but they sent a fucking junkie to help?" - My character staring at a wizard PC who is actively smoking a blunt.

"I'm going to roll for lobotomy." followed by "I don't eat vegetables... WAIT, NOT IN THAT WAY!!!" I then proceeded to roll a nat 20 for lobotomy

“Ah, sorry. Arro has cat AIDs” - Me after multiple other party members started signing a contract with blood and someone mentions that we probably don’t have any bloodborne illnesses amongst us. Also “How heavy is the cornucopia?” - Also me, preparing to cast catapult

From the same one-shot "You are now in the Astral plane. This is a very bad place to be at level one." "That is an adult silver dragon. No murder hobo schnanegans." "You have killed the monster."

"the boulder says nothing"

“YOU ATE BRIGG??!? Tacky.” “Great, now I gotta figure out what spirit owls eat.”

Aasimar bard: "My name is Gabriel Jazz. I have travelled the Heavens and played my original music to the Gods." - entire table groans -

“Oh ho ho thought I was just an entertainer didn’t you? Well time to drop the act and show you just how deadly I can be!” Gaelyn Morvyre half-elf bard college of whispers.

"Everything's fine." "Oh no, I don't believe you at all." My dragon character twisting her head around 180 degrees and using magic to make her eyes swirl weird colors. "Don't worry, everything's fine."

"The ladle is all about the emotional damage!" My dragonborn barbarian with the chef feat.

One player offers Green dragon drugs. "Oh my gosh that's the good stuff." Immediately swallows all of it. "You're free to leave, now I'm going to go eat all your friends." Player character: "allright." Funniest ending to a oneshot we ever had.

GM: as the door of the abandoned lab opens you see absolute darkness , but the scanners show that the nuclear reactor is close. Me trying to lighten the mood:“We take take a walk down to Chernobyl avenue now things are getting hotter”

“So, have you ever heard of wind?”

Ex soldier "beam the the light towards the vampire" hazmat guy. "Throws the torch at the vampires head*

"Fuck it, I'll do it. I take a bite of the dead mycanid"

“The part of me that won. I drink the liquid nitrogen.”

My b2 Battle Droid right before stabbing a stormtrooper:"I hate knock offs!"

"Let's go eat them Dead Drow." (From a Half-Orc Fighter PC after the party kills hostile Drow)

My character: "Ah sweet apples! What's that green one?" Shopkeeper: "Oh that's a honey sunrise." (The DM made up random names, I forgot them). MC: "Oh cool! What's that red one?" SK: "That's a ruby treasure." MC: "Awesome! What's that pair shaped one?" SK: "That's a pair..."

"He holds up his finger and does the "urethra" thing." Have fun with that.

4:50 an ad RIGHT AFTER THAT ONE has gotta be the most devious thing possible

"Some might call it torture, others would call it a convenience."

@hannahmetzger4880

2 ай бұрын

I'm _so_ using this. 😂.

Warforged: "Sure, and I have an aftplate the size of the San Andreas." Rouge: *whispering "Really?"* Warforged: *"No, but I know someone who does."* "If I need something to burn, I'll *BREATHE* on it." "Have I been dragon-ing wrong this whole time?" NPC Sheriff: "Never thought I'd see the day where a stoner druid was a party's Responsible Adult(TM) by default. First time for everything, indeed." "Mother said there'd be days like this." *Tiamat visibly starts looking nervous* "Who was your mother, again?"

Pathfinder 1st addition. DM-"I swear that next time that falcon kills something it shouldn't even face I'm going throw the book at you" Beast master ranger rolling for falcon. "Nat 20" Dodges book flying at his head.

Setting: Rise Of Tiamat DM to player 1: Wow, you're really over powered" Player 2 (me): "This shouldn't be surprising, he always makes O.P characters" Player 1: "Tiamat doesn't know what's coming! I'll show her my O.Pness!" Cue the rest of the party absolutely losing their sh*t as the look of horror on player 1's face grows as he realizes what came out of his mouth

Not all the same campaign: DM: “jumps through the waterfall…*rolls*…and dies.” A talking sword meant for my brother when I try to interact with it: “stay where you are, strange little priest.” A Titan when we did stuff: “My temple is lighter!” -One session alter- My brother: “my house is lighter!” And charges through the portal some giants came out of. DM when I discover a form of cruel and unusual mutilation: *looks at DM2* “YOU MADE THIS WEAPON! What does it do?!” DM2: “… I don’t know.”

Yoooo I love this series! Cant wait for more!

Me: "YOUR MOTHER WAS A HYENA AND YOUR MOTHER WAS A CHICKEN!" Our Cleric: "I've gotta cook these drugs up. I'm sure everyone else will be fine." Me: "I've got the mask! Hey, no! Down! Bad mask! Bad!"

Some of my favourites come from a friend of mine: *"Art thee stupid?"* *"Prune thyself."* and of course, *"What art thee yapping about? Go take a walk."*

"No, you cannot Mage Hand the child..." - Our DM to our Bard.

"For a water elf, I'm really feeling like a fish out of water in this lake"

10:53 Hey! That's one I submitted ages ago! You wouldn't believe how giddy I was to hear that in this episode.

P1: "I'd like to put the tea-cupboard into my bag of holding." DM: "Okay, so you empty the cupboard into your bag of holding." P1: "No, the WHOLE cupboard"

"Sir, can you give me back my bones?" "Oh, right, butterflies aren't real" "Your body is trembling with excitement so much so that the axe passes through your body, the molecules of both the axe and your body never touching" "You successfully ignite the corpse of your horse"

“This says command laction” “I think command laction would take more then one turn”

This was out of context even in the campaign; "Grandma? I KILLED YOU THOUGH, HOW ARE YOU HERE?" Barbarian kept backstory secret and I as DM allowed it

"FIRE THE SPOONS!"

“DM, can I be thrown at the BBEG?” “What the hell?” “Can. I. Be. Thrown. At. The. Monster?” “Everybody in favor of throwing Wizard at BBEG?” “Aye. Aye. Aye.” “Ranger picks up Mage and throws it at Monster, roll strength.” “17!” “Mage manages to bitch slap the monster for 2 damage and falls to the ground. Mage broke his neck.” “Was it worth it?” “Fuck yeah.”

"Are you proficient in Fish?" Our Paladin and Echo Knight Fighter to a mini boss before smacking them with fish combined with a smite to end them

"He will take the door like a civilised person" (The others jumping out the window)

"We're here to kill the dragon on top the mountain! What are you doing here? You're in our way!" "I don't see you with no dragon killing sword," says my halfling fighter with said dragon killing sword in hand.

"Can I roll for forced miscarriage?" One of the few questions I've said NO to.

"I'm having a party" - said, dying

That last table sounds absolutely WILD

C1: "Tusevano... a tiny man just walked into your beard..." C2: (just waking up) "Huh? oh, thats just juniper." C3: (Currently transformed into a wolf) "Woof!" [he gave me strawberries!] C2: "Yeah Junipers nice like that." C1: "WHAT?! YOU SPEAK WOLF NOW TOO?!" C2: "You can't? Even Weeday can." (refering to barbarian) C1: "Well woof wuf wof then." C2/3/4 (Sharing the same braincell): "WHAT YOU DID YOU JUST CALL OUR MOTHERS?!" ... C1: "Okay, so you believe this... juniper... is an invisible being that... helps you? what do you believe in fairy tails too?" C2: "Sprite actually." C1: "Tusevano. Fairy tails. aren't. real!" (proceeds to be stabbed multiple times by an angry invisible sprite) ... C1: "Okay, I'm bringing it up. WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO YOUR STOMACH TUSEVANO?!?!" C2: "It's disagreeing with me so I'm threatening it with your cooking!"

PANR has tuned in.

"ARE WE DOING FUCKING GREENFACE?"

So many of these go together like a story

“Only moss fears me!” By our dragon born Druid who was disguised as Mario.

I don’t know who Angie is, but I already love them

Session 3, we start at level 1: "I feel like you're a God" "No, God is weak"

Achievement Unlocked: America

“Curiosity killed the Nazis” - My World Traveling Barbarian to a pack of Kobolds and an Orphanage of goblins

One of my favorite video series! I see I click!

Here's one from my first ever campaign. It's comedically short but gets the point across: "Do not frog me."

"It's called the crackshot for a reason"- first session after I leveled a building, "like I said before. . . It's called the crackshot for a good reason"- my characters last session (he died that sess), I miss him

"I'm going to break you, inside and out, and not lay a single finger on you in the process." ~Byakko, our level 8 Eldritch Knight right before he unleashed a Thunderwave on the bandit lord in a very One Piece Whitebeard-like manner. The bandit lord had 5 hp remaining before getting obliterated.

"I don't f-ing care if he's a demonic hell beast from another dimension! I wouldn’t care if he was (party member)! He's my target and he will die by my blade!" - Syn, my rogue upon being reunited with the party after eighty years post abandonment of said character.

3:50 You are still absolutely vaporized, just slightly less.

“I have the Cheese Lore written down here.” “We all do jazz hands at Demi” “Vidu’s skulking in the back instead” “Hit things, do big damage.” “Thank you for this logic, Logic Man.” “Cheese railguns now, is it, Tide?” (Sarcastically): “I just shit myself” “Go Go Logicman Concealed Carry!” “literally 1384” “In this world succubi are cuttlefish things.” “OMG HE WAS SLEEPING WITH THE FISHES”

"It is an immortal potato, it doesn't need air!"

@4:55 then I get a KZread Ad lol

"You gave an old man dementia."

Here's a nice collection from games I've played (as per the format, with no context): "So, good news, I might have a way to get you back home. Unfortunately, I'll have to buy you.. HEAR ME OUT-" "Personally, I'd rather not mess with the orphans" "I'm not afraid of dying! I've already did it once, not a huge fan" "King. Troll. HANS!!"

"I have never met a tree that wasn't at least a kittle but suspicious"

"I would like to remind you that Geneva Convention isn't a thing in D&D. The diamond, quartz, and Phosphorite aren't for healing spells."

"Mmmh... can a cave conserve, body" "We're gonna have to go back to the forest to dig up back the corpse" "God is weak" [Session 2, just a random NPC]

You know damn well my parent's didn't die to no bullshit ass Corgis! I went to a temple, and conferred with... what I can assume... is a magic man.

"You were hired by a horse?" *laughing* "We were hired by a horse too." *To the first player* "Shut up!"