I have raised my son since his birth, 15 years ago. I am a solo father and my son excels in everyway. He is my life

@Galbex21

3 жыл бұрын

We need more good fathers to speak up to fight against the idea that fathers are bad and terrible. Thank you for your comment!

@BigBri550

3 жыл бұрын

@@Galbex21 There are a lot of bad & terrible fathers out there, so what do you expect? There are truly good ones, too, but they are more rare.

@mikebrandenburg9922

3 жыл бұрын

@@BigBri550 There are more bad & terrible mothers out there, hence the fatherless children who grow up without a dad, or with a dad they can only see every other weekend, of course, if mom allows it. Just look at the arguments mothers bring into court to make the dads look as bad as possible, with no base just to make sure the dad pays a much as possible without as little right as possible to see their children.

@BigBri550

3 жыл бұрын

@@mikebrandenburg9922 Do you know how many custody cases are actually decided in court? About 4% ... That's it. So I don't know where you are getting all these terrible mothers slandering their saintly exes in court: after binge-watching _Kramer vs Kramer_ perhaps?

@nickthepostpunk5766

3 жыл бұрын

@@BigBri550 Do you have access to some clear evidence that provides a basis for your seeming hostility towards fathers?

I'm sitting her watching this video to make notes for a court statement on why its important for my daughter that I be allowed to play an active role in her life, to be regularly present in her life. I'm having to do this because of a toxic Mother more interested in punishing me than the well being of her child. The fact that I have to go to court to beg and plead for regular access is infuriating. I'm literally vibrating with anxiety and anger.

@Helios_114

3 жыл бұрын

I wish you the best of luck

@RicardoCray

3 жыл бұрын

I’m dealing with the same thing it’s a shame you have to explain why being an active father is important smh you got this bro blessings 💯 keep fighting

@Mustaches4017

3 жыл бұрын

As a daughter of a mother like that.. I am almost in tears. I am so sorry you and your daughter are going through that. If you don't get the rights you deserve, just know your daughter will always love you. If she is manipulated (temporarily) by her mother that you chose this, she (your daughter) willI always see right through the games. We know when we are loved. I still love my mom and have no resentment towards her for what she did to my dad but there is a special type of love towards my father who never gave up. Keep fighting, you are already a great father for doing this.

@robertcasey9688

2 жыл бұрын

I'm going through an extremely similar thing. Mother alleged child abuse & domestic abuse after I attempted suicide largely because of her and the way she made me feel useless and alone. Courts stopped direct access to a 12 month daughter & 3 year old son who have been in my life since birth removed. I have been made out to be some sort of risk just because I have suffered. I work on a college with young & vunerable children/teens.. yet not aloud to see my own children. Good job I survived. I'll rescue my children from an uncaring mother.

@anthonyschwartz6114

2 жыл бұрын

How did it go? If you “won”, congratulations! If you didn’t, don’t give up. I lost initially. My ex-wife alienated me from my son, off and on for almost 6 years. I finally won 50/50 custody. Never give up on your children.

Fathers need to be treated equally in family court and not be pushed out of the children's lives if the Mothers chose to do so.

@carlgraham6507

3 жыл бұрын

Preach brother preach!!!

@traviscollura2440

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly. This reminds me of a quote that was something along the lines of, “Some of y’all are living in single parent households for no other reason than to get back at someone.”

@ShonTolliverMusic

2 жыл бұрын

Peach preacher!

@ShonTolliverMusic

2 жыл бұрын

@@traviscollura2440 to your point, 70% of all divorce fillings are initiated by women and 100% of child births are at the decision of women. Therefore, the architect of single parent moms is OVERWHELMINGLY at the behest of women. Yet men, societally, shoulder all the blame.

This is validation. This is important, I cried during her presentation because regularly no one praises dad for his multiple roles, the difficulties we face. The trial and error and isolation at times when you are trying so hard but are viewed as failing. This is validation. That we are important, that I am important and crucial.

@anuragtyagi9764

2 жыл бұрын

I love u man, proud of u for your hard work.

@aphort1

Жыл бұрын

Keep it up, brother. Just watched this, also cried for the same reasons you expressed.

@smokexsmoke99

Жыл бұрын

I don't see the importance of fatherhood. I always wondered what's the importance of fathers in a child's life. I can see why mothers are important. Women are socially and biologically programmed to be parents much more strongly than men are. Mothers are the ones that produce milk to feed to their babies. Also, mothers are the ones that are usually in charge of their babies, and they assume that role early on. Also, women have "maternal instinct", while men don't have anything like that. And also, children usually spend a lot more time with their mothers than they do with their fathers, and during that time, the mothers are usually taking care of the children. Also, most animals in this world are only taken care by their mothers and they don't have their fathers around at all. So why are human fathers important? It seems that a child can grow up without a father, and still turn out ok.

@jraybay

11 ай бұрын

​@@smokexsmoke99 Were you playing this video on mute? Chatting sh-t for no reason 🤡

@TheKiddOnDrums

6 ай бұрын

@@smokexsmoke99 the video literally answers your question😂 tf

This was excellent. As a soon-to-be father of a son, I'm very happy knowing somebody believes in these ideas.

@therandomnomad435

Жыл бұрын

Good luck man!

Some mothers have no business being parents. Some children suffer due to courts forcing them to live with their bad mothers. Some fathers make better parents than mothers.

I am one of the very rare number fathers who can say that my personal experience during my wife's pregnancy was truly a wonderful one. From the first appointment with the midwife, to being visited by our health visitor after the birth of our daughter. I was always made to feel included, I was always asked if I was OK, I felt like I mattered. One thing I would do when my wife was pregnant was sing at her belly every night because I wanted to do something to let my little girl know that I was here too. It sounds silly I know. When she was born and I held her for the first time, one of the midwives gave her a vitamin K jab which set her off crying, so I started to sing to her and immediately she stopped crying and fell asleep in my arms. In that moment I felt that bond and I believe wholeheartedly that my role as a father being treated with the same respect as my wife's role as a mother from the very beginning, was a huge contribution to building that immediate bond between me and my daughter.

Just found out we’re pregnant. As a future first time father this was the motivation I needed!

@Zeitgeist0

Жыл бұрын

Whatever happens. Stick around as she called it. And simply be emotionally connected. I am sure the rest of it will work out fine. The biggest mistake parents these days make is...they are physically there, but emotionally far, far away. And if there is something that little humans need the most, actually what every human needs even in the older ages, actually isn't love itself, but the things connected to love. Secureness (or whatever the right word is), trust etc. Love is a curious thing, but trust and safe environment is the bigger pert of the needs. From both parents. Maybe you should take a look at the so called implicit and explicit mind thingy^^ sorry my lack of English is hitting again. Babies already get their first important informationd about the world outside the mother. It can actually decide a bit already about the child's life. But I am sure you're a good job anyway. You seem to be interested and end up on the best material for parenthood as it looks. Cheers man and have a good life with your family. Gratulations!

@Zeitgeist0

Жыл бұрын

*doing a good job Sorry, but there a many failed auto-correctings

@jonahtwhale1779

9 ай бұрын

Hope you got his prior, informed consent to parenthood. One of those reproductive rights that men have no legal right to.

Taking up to "6 months" for dad's to fully bond with the child resonated with me. My wife was pushing for me to be a stay at home dad once we married, but I didn't really want to - until my son was 4 months old. When he was 6 months old, I went an quit my day job. It took 2 months to work my mind around the issue. Now I'm a stay-at-home dad and realtor. Still able to make some money for my ego AND take care of my son. I'll disagree with other commenters about "end of the West" - it may take a generation, but we'll be fine in the long run.

@peters.9371

3 жыл бұрын

even if this problem gets solved (which it never will), the west has many other problems, it's doomed....

She represented us beautifully

@Kal-El207

4 жыл бұрын

Yes she did brotha. Yes she did.

What always annoys me is women saying to dads "your babysitting" no just being a father

@BigBri550

3 жыл бұрын

What is more annoying are "fathers" who are little more than unreliable babysitters.

@toker6664

3 жыл бұрын

@@BigBri550 same with mothers that use their kids as a payday

@BigBri550

3 жыл бұрын

@@toker6664 That is immaterial to your initial comment.

@toker6664

3 жыл бұрын

@@BigBri550 now weve both pointed out both sexes can be awful parents, are you happy?

@BigBri550

3 жыл бұрын

@@toker6664 Why, yes- i am fine. How are you?

As a Father of 6, I've known from the start that I had to become a better man,so that I could be here for my children. Now I'm the grateful granddad to their children. It's good to stand as a man,to have little one's look up to you.

I was watching the Simpson's the other day the 1st episode being the Christmas episode, their was a scene where Lisa schools her Aunt about the importance of fathers with notes of feminism which supports men too. Very progressive on day one.

@Abandex369

2 жыл бұрын

These days Lisa sucks

@marchuta326

2 жыл бұрын

Feminism which supports men too. Lol. Talk with the National Organisation of Women in USA : blocking shared custody bills, funds and policies to help single/divorced fathers, etc.

@ernestosanchez5891

2 жыл бұрын

@@marchuta326 That's what they're missing. It's always been about equality, not flipping the order.

It’s a travesty that this topic can only be broached by a woman. Imagine a father up there talking about this? He’d be dismissed immediately.

@dasshorts7800

3 жыл бұрын

As a follow up, I agree with her analysis about different functions for maternal and paternal love, at least anecdotally. A mother will approve of you for just being you, but you have to earn your fathers approval. That’s developmentally significant for how a child interacts with the world.

@Aman-qr6wi

2 жыл бұрын

I remember how its men only who call other men simps when they chose parenting.

@Seissmo

2 жыл бұрын

@@Aman-qr6wi Symptom of the media.

@kre8unity

Жыл бұрын

Agree 💯 with ALL above comments:)

@jamesn7305

Жыл бұрын

A man would be asked to pay for the privilege to speak on stage but not be allowed to actually speak

Why isnt this more famous

@nickthepostpunk5766

3 жыл бұрын

There is of course an obvious cynical response to your question :-)

She sounds like Denzel Washington, Her words are so powerful.

I’d never thought about fatherhood in this way before. Thanks dad (and Anna)! Great talk

19 Jul 2018 - Nov 2021, nothing has changed but I wholeheartedly I agree with you.

That accent makes everything sound so brilliant. God!

Thank you for bringing this to attention.

Has anyone else considered how insulting it is to be told that "biological dad" can be easily replaced with "Step-Dad", "Adoptive Dad", or "Dad Figure"?

@Abandex369

2 жыл бұрын

We're built to be disposable It's how we're raised

@josephmortonsmith

2 жыл бұрын

nope

@trofuyu

10 ай бұрын

No, it's not. "biological dad" For me, it's just the man that put the gamete. "Dad" is the one that create a bond with the kid; wich can be the biological dad, a grandad, a dad figure. They are not the same.

@hughiemg2

9 ай бұрын

​​@@trofuyudo we think or tall about mothers in the same way?

@trofuyu

9 ай бұрын

@@hughiemg2 yes

Key point - It takes a whole village to grow a child. Thanks

This is the best TedTalk I have ever listened to.

This heals my heart on many levels. As a dad I feel so much of this. I have been very fortunate to be mostly included at all the stages of the journey of my Daughter coming into the world. And yet, it is still all about Mom. I never want to take away from that, but it can feel like i'm a third wheel. Especially when I come to pick my daughter up from a playdate and she yells in my face "No Daddy, where's mommy!!" Dad's are needed. Thank you for this talk!

Why have people actually downvoted this???

@Galbex21

3 жыл бұрын

Angry women.

@loadedpipe1311

3 жыл бұрын

Narcissism

Loved this.

Jordan Peterson talks about the positive effects of rough and tumble play in both of this latest books.

What a deeply emotional and scientifcly sound prasentation at a time! I have had the opportunity of rainsing my two kids more or less to an even account like my wife. And many of my personal experinces came imediatly to live listenig to this wounderful female presenter. I found especially enlightning the part about the "hormone feedback loop" of the couple during pregnancy. This is teaching us how important this phase in the live of a human is.

I experienced something bad happening to my babyboy while i was at work. When i called home my wife told me somebody through a brick through the window where my son was lying.

😭😭😭😭 Needed to hear that. I hope more of society can hear this too.

In CA as a recent father i was granted 2 months of paid work leave it truly is helpful in creating that bond and seeing how much work it is to take care of a baby

Why everything related to fathers always get the looowest views in TedTalks videos ? Are fathers really not worth a damn ? If so , then I'l probably stay single for the rest of my life to avoid being " used " and dispensable .

@JS-nd1po

4 жыл бұрын

Because men are looked upon as idiots and fools. It’s sad that this talk even has to be talked about. It’s not rocket science that men are very important in parenting and don’t have to be taught to be dads anymore than moms have to.

@ethanwebber7056

4 жыл бұрын

By staying single you are giving into your fear and becoming part of the problem. It is the weight of society that rests firmly on your shoulders to confront that which you think is wrong. Do not let your fears rule you. If you give in then you will never find the responsibility you crave.

@VicMALa

4 жыл бұрын

Ethan Webber Sometimes to win a game, you shouldn’t play. If the rules of the game are unfair then play a different game. Unplaced games rewrite themselves, because otherwise they don’t get made. Hold strong.

@eyeswideopen67

4 жыл бұрын

Fathers aren't treated in family court as if they are worth a damn trust me....I haven't been allowed to see my children in over 8 years and this is a non criminal man who is speaking. I was pushed out and I fought tooth and nail to stay in my children's lives through 9 years of fighting in family court and every cent I ever earned well over 200k. Also lost my health in the battle. So be afraid. Be very afraid. I would not wish the pain my children and I have endured being separated on anyone. Grieving a living child is the worst abuse anybody can be put through. I would never recommend that men become fathers in a feminized society where fathers are not given a chance in family court and women initiate divorce roughly 86% of the time. Until things change for equality in the family court don't do it.

@lindagonzalez435

3 жыл бұрын

Wow, this is sad. It’s feminism that was pushed onto women. As a Christian Woman, I understand the need of a father in the life of children. I was married for twenty years to an awesome husband and father. I was so blessed to see my kids have both parents since I did not have father myself. He went home too soon and I had to raise four teens on my own, I saw a huge change in my children. I tried my best, but it has been very difficult because my kids had such a good relationship with their dad. We all missed him so much. With God as a center of a relationship, it will be successful. I pray that you would find a good woman and can enjoy a family. It’s work, but oh so rewarding . God bless you.

Good stuff almost in tears!!

Powerful!!

Wow this is so so true I really miss my children but unfortunately the are of age to get those years back I just got to get the years we have left

Well said! 👍

Imagine if all men had 9 weeks maternal leave. All fathers would be encouraged to and have a chance to be involved even the so called absent ones.

My son is my life

i get my daughter every saturday night after work until tuesday morning before i go to work so its really 2 full days only i get with her i really wish it was more but i work and she lives an hour away with her mom i wish everyday i could be with her..

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I was also ignored at the hospital. Like, I was there but also not there.

Go, dads!

I watched it.

👍👍👍

We have instinct when pollution chemicals dont cut us from our hearts. I feel ny son with heart. Never will I be with anyone who dont love me or how she love our children.

🤗🤗🤗

I feel it is too late in the day, for the West in general. but .fathers the best

I'm dying to become a father! My really unenthusiastic about it and I'll get down 😏 to it as soon as I earn enough money.

Thank you for the recognition. I think there is some biological part of us humans that does not value a father's role in raising children. Men value mothers who are close and engaged with their children, but I don't think women hold men in high esteem when they take an active, engaging role in raising the children. They say they most certainly do, but in practice, they feel a little usurped or guilty or even that the man is somehow weak. And in general everyone always assumes the mother is the more consistent presence in the child's life, yet that is not necessarily always the case.

Where was this video 12 years ago?

There is a better way. Parental custody of children is actually a very simple matter to solve given the true desire of “What is best for the child”. We first need to separate and discard marriage from family law as they no longer seem to be connected. We must develop protocols that confer (over time) equal parental rights and responsibilities,…..once parentage is proven. Children’s natural maturation process has 3 essential stages of need. A.The unconditional love of the mother from birth until about 7 years of age. The mother to have “thefinalsay” and to receive child allowance. B.The conditional love of the father, who takes his children out into the world, gives security and teaches social boundaries from 7 until about 13 years of age. The father to have “thefinalsay” and to receive child allowance. C.The friendship and respect of peers from 13 until 18 years of age. The child to have “thefinalsay”. If these 3 stages are not are not gone through in order, maturation is unlikely to be satisfactorily achieved and mental resilience reduced. This has now become generational. Such a regime of equal parenting rights (over time) would bind parents into a co-operative relationship, because (over time) each will hold the power of “thefinalsay” sequentially when they are best favoured to use it. Such family protocols would be the default position, but could in exceptional cases be varied by the court. Buckminster Fuller said:- “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete”. To alleviate suffering is worthy. To prevent it is divine, but thankless.

"Fathers build the bond through interaction" the only problem is "Maternal Gatekeeping" can and does interfere with this bonding process. Have you ever heard a mother say "He has never shown any interest in the children!" or a father say "She doesn't need me any more!" He has been excluded from the bonding process.

After watching what looked like a zombie film at my partners c section... I realised there was no after care for men. She was asked how she was. She was asked how she was feeling. No one ever asked me. Except the one lady who saw me break down as I got changed post op... And she asked only because I broke down... Midwifes means "with woman"... But where's the "midman"? We could surely do with one now that we have to witness so much.

What is hollywood changing, you know the one with different names places yet the problem's not resolved are the same! Old grudge's and framing people not working? I guess change!!! Father's are important and real life is tough enough without the phishing! 2023 here Full time Dad! We live in peace by other people quiting the habits of old!

I feel it is too late in the day, for the West in general. Goodbye society, hello chaos.

9:05

The easist most cost effective eay to increase paternity leave woild be to treat maternity and paternity as a shared allocation of time off. Some women may be happy to go back to work earlier but i suspect many would not

7:14

The laws are written to protect women not to be fair.

Just came here to say that in the thumbnail this lady looks like she just woke up

Carrying a child doesn't create a special bond, fathers have the same parental bond and father's intuition. Yes the bonding wasn't immediate but it's unbreakable. I experienced the same morning sickness and cravings as the mother and although given limited access can't wait to spend time with my son.

All things good but just one question. How does paid paternity leave allow mother to join back workforce earlier? If a child needs 9 months' round the clock physical proximity of a mother, it cannot be replaced by proximity of a father and vice versa, if the child needs both. This doesn't seem like partnering in parenting but delegating parenting job to men so that women can grow up in their career.

I’m in Canada and this is not true. Men have equal opportunity for paternity leave and for all parental and postnatal care

Can we just all agree that your gender *should* be like your blood type - which is to say, irrelevant to the situation and how the world should view you unless it’s a medical one (or you have dysphoria)

My son just turned 8 in January. My ex-wife uses him as a weapon against me and the only thing I want is to spend time with him.

When dad can’t get a job, then he’s useless? That is what your saying?

You're not really having the conversation about what makes fathers absent and the laws that create them. You just keep acknowledging absent fathers as an outlier to the topic at hand.

Being a supportive partner is the last thing I will ever do. Don't want to ever deal with this gender again.

Yeah, but is the fact that they only develop a bond later, or when living with the mother, indicative of the nature of thire optional (but highly benefical) involvement as optionl or is there any reason that would say spot on this is why there's a connection?

(From India) This is how we uplifted women to take advantage of a man's life and property! We have changed the laws of patriarchy.. But 500 matriarchal families still exist in the world.. No effect on them.. I became to protest for men after facing my own brother's miserable situation for the dividing half of his property to his wife after divorce.. In India ,men don't even have that right to report domestic violence!

i hate "first" comments, but this is a TED talk so *first*

If the world wants me to have a baby so bad then they’re gonna have to reinvent and fund the idea of being a Dad. Currently, everything synonymous with being a Dad means cringey (Dad jokes, Dad bod, Dad Rock). Why should I strive to be a lame, out of shape, and arrogant family man?

"Evolution holds nothing to chance" Lol. Evolution is nothing but chance supposedly. Lol. You see what I mean? Nonsense.

First minutes: „80% ...are rare“??? Min.7: There is no point evolving two to do exactly the same thing“ - eyes, ears and hands do exactly the same thing from a different perspective. Min.9: Which advertisement etc labels fathers as „either absent or inapt“??

@aka6153

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for your unhelpful reply

Damn testosterone drop

why do you think we call god the father

@mrstarnation4171

4 жыл бұрын

Huh....HUH...HUUUUH?! That is a kean eye right there. Good thinking

17 feminists disagree

Hmmm maybe only in the Anglo world that fathers are ignore.

Men are helping with babies? My man took six weeks off to party, called me lazy, and told me I was faking my pain.

This will never reach the views it deserves there’s no such thing as a step dad it’s just a title to normalize a failed relationship. Nothing beats the biological

Surprised she's not been cancelled yet.

She better be Human otherwise i would be disappointed..! Another thing that puzzles me, is i can't differentiate weather she is talking about Humans here or her Pets...!🤔👎👎😇😇⚡⚡

"Evolution hates redundancy" I find it mind blowing how often qualified people refer to Evolution as making clear decisions with reason. They literally describe design when talking about Evolution. Everything that can be studied in life screams design. Not just design but thorough, thoughtful and unmatched in complexity design. Listening to Evolutionists always comes out as a comedy to me. Look at all these perfectly fitting, interwoven patterns of design that thoughtless, reasonless random chance has made without knowing. Lol. It's insane.

@coppersulphate002

Жыл бұрын

exactly

Notice how an equality measure for men is not allowed to cause deficit to women? If women are to be given high prestige jobs, we are quite happy for men to suffer and have fewer opportunities available to them. However, if we are to give men access to paternity leave, we are not allowed for women to suffer any deficit. Which 50% of women are going to surrender their maternity leave so that their male partner can take it? Quite happy for 50% of male CEOs to have no job but 50% of mothers are not to lose out on their maternity leave!