Tommy, if you're reading this, my parents were just like you. Hard working, extremely responsible and frugal with money in most ways, very future-oriented and optimizing for security/disasters. My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer at 63 and died within a year. My mom spent 14 years as a widow, refusing to spend money on things that made her unhappy every day, like the color of the deck, or the refrigerator she was pressured into buying that didn't actually work for her. Every time I visited, she complained about things like that but refused to spend money to change them because she thought it was too self-indulgent. In March she was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and had a massive stroke in april. she died in may and left behind 7 million dollars. my siblings and i were in complete shock and i actually have some lingering anger about this. don't think you're immortal, we're all going to die and we REALLY don't know when. please let go of the fear of uncertainty and just enjoy your time with your family.

@ramitsethi

Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your family's story here.

@marketingair-coverwithilen6583

Жыл бұрын

Such wisdom from a difficult lesson.

@kimsousa6420

Жыл бұрын

that breaks my heart. You can't ever replace your parents, and that void is felt every day.

@hannesRSA

Жыл бұрын

Condolences. I believe one should adjust expectations down to a minimal lifestyle in old age to counter this. It's hard if your minimal nest egg isn't even in sight yet.. but people who already have over about $1m should really replan and adjust their mindset.

@katierose1893

Жыл бұрын

Congrats on becoming a millionaire! (depending on how many siblings you have of course)

“There is no virtue in living a smaller life”. That is a very powerful statement.

Life lesson: My parent in laws worked and saved their whole life- planned to retire. They both got diagnosed with cancer within 2 months. They both died in their early 60s. I used to think- "When I have money- I'll take them out to a fancy dinner." Now I have the money but I dont have them. My heart is broken. Dont waste time. Make smart decisions but goddamn- LIVE and ENJOY being alive. This is one of my biggest regrets but I hope anyone reading this takes it as sage advice. Dont learn lessons my way.

@pqtaxmom

Жыл бұрын

Everyone needs to hear this.

@neryvargasgarcia9767

11 ай бұрын

So true 😢

@yingyisun9

8 ай бұрын

I lean this lesson when my grandmother passed away 😢

@ourblissfulhaven

8 ай бұрын

I’m sorry to hear this. Thank you for sharing!

@frankjing

3 ай бұрын

I have the exact same regret when I was at my dad’s funeral. Life is too short to be fearful of uncertainty - because uncertainty is what we all got.

Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.

@landofdragons4055

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for being on Netflix! You have been an awakening for me!!!! Thank You!!

@truqqy

Жыл бұрын

@ramitsethi it's either a gift or a learned skill that you are able to ever so patiently listen to people bear their soul and resist the temptation to interrupt. This is impressive! Then today, I learnt that you studied psychology, and it all made sense! Keeping changing lives mate!

@grasmi

10 ай бұрын

Oh no, I’m a 43 year old Tommy who can’t quit my job - one more year… one more year… 😂🤦🏼‍♂️. Great discussion. Thanks all for sharing. Lots of work to be done - to stop work and start spending!

My MIL is a huge saver, and has a net worth over $1 million plus a $5K a month pension income in her mid-70s (which is not all spent, so her savings keep growing). Both of her sons are very financially successful. We’ve been telling her recently to start spending her money; we don’t need it and we don’t want it. Go down south for the winter. Buy her dream condo. Travel with friends. Die with zero. Very difficult for someone who still uses the same Tupperware she received as a wedding gift in the early 70s, 😂

@katierose1893

Жыл бұрын

Isn't the housing market crushing you though? I think helping children who didn't buy pre-2017 is a good option.

@stop08it

Жыл бұрын

I think you should encourage her, maybe take a family trip together or go on a fund experience with her so she gets a taste for it...

@neycongjuico7395

6 ай бұрын

@@katierose1893Nah. Even if I was in this situation, I’d still tell mom to spend her money. She worked hard for that money and I don’t need it. I’m still young, I can always make money and save up money to buy a house or maybe even not buy a house and instead do smth else. The last thing I want my parents to do is worry about my financial means.

@morinomopariola

5 ай бұрын

Dang! That Tupperware is older than me😂🤦‍♀️

@Elizabeth-mt6bb

3 ай бұрын

It's hard to change a life of habits. She has the money because of her habits

He's been saving his whole working life for this trip to New Zealand. It's time to take the trip! Loved these two

@darbymori350

Жыл бұрын

We did 2 weeks in New Zealand. Amazing trip! But don't wait until you can't walk well; it's a very active place: hiking, walking, exploring, zip-lining. So glad we went before my knees give out. And expect to spend more than $20k. Especially for the airfare.

18:09 “You already have the money, the health, a loving partner, you have kids …. YOU WON!!” Hearing this from Ramit Sethi would probably be my biggest achievement in every lifetime…. Thank you for everything you do Ramit! Changing lives out here…. (without being a doctor😂)

@helena3631

Жыл бұрын

He definitely won but he’s always thinking what’s next

@patty109109

7 ай бұрын

@@helena3631 thinking what’s next is actually a healthy way to go about life…but being rich and worrying about buying headphones is absurd and must be called out as nothing better than absurd.

@TecnamTwin

7 ай бұрын

​@@helena3631He's not even thinking what is next otherwise he would be planning for it. He doesn't even know the number he can spend without the savings going down. He's mentally stuck and really doesn't want to change.

@af2585

Ай бұрын

yes, thank you Ramit!

Tommy, you need to live now. Every single day is gift. Live your life!! Sincerely, a hospice nurse in Florida.

Man I can relate to Tommy. My net worth isn't in the millions, but I have come to realize I'm living much smaller than I have to. I used to focus on price completely when making decisions and always purchased things when they were on sale. So hard to break these patterns and move price down the list of priorities when buying something. I bought a $130 hoodie that wasn't on sale and love it every time I put it on. I never would have done this a year ago. Oh and it didn't bankrupt me. 😂

@stop08it

Жыл бұрын

I want to get to the point where I can be flexible about being frugal and making purchases for things or experiences that enrich my life. Right now I'm at the point where I have no choice to be frugal but I'm working towards being more financially secure.

I relate a lot to Tommy a lot. He seems to base his self worth off of how hard he works. His resistance is not about how much he has in the bank or how much he spends, it’s about his inability to accept he’s done enough and can start to relax now

@Dan16673

9 ай бұрын

this is common, fear of running out even when it makes zerrrroooo sense

@protalleus

3 ай бұрын

give me the money. you can keep working. I'll find a way to spend it for you.

Every time Tommy says he doesn't have enough money and Ramit's eyes looks at the other screen (which I am assuming had their numbers), I laughed! This was such a great example of how it is NOT about the numbers. Thank you so much Tommy for your honesty. He was great and and smiled through it all.

Tommy is not having a money problem. He’s having an existential problem. He’s afraid of death. I wanted you to ask him about his relationship with his dad. What is unresolved within him that he is too fearful to live full out? Until he resolves it, he will never feel safe enough to spend.

@ramitsethi

Жыл бұрын

This is an excellent comment. I wish I'd dug in deeper there

@LovingRelationshipsforWOC

Жыл бұрын

@@ramitsethi you did awesome!! Perhaps he will take the valuable tool of reverse budgeting and it will cause him further exploration into his fears. Everything in divine right timing. Your book is saving my life right now. Btw. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

@aurghh

Жыл бұрын

Yh there’s most likely some trauma there

@cmbec1

Жыл бұрын

Exactly what I gleaned from this conversation as well.

@scholaroftheworldalternatehist

Жыл бұрын

It's natural to fear death though

The lady is adorable and smiley. Wishing them lots of years of love and happiness.

About a half hour in and it's a little wild how many money issues seem to come from people not being willing to honestly face the reality of aging and dying. Really good reminder.

@ramitsethi

Жыл бұрын

What do you take away from the conversation so far?

I don’t feel like Tommy has a problem with spending necessarily. I actually believe that he has a hard time not being the smartest person in the room. He didn’t think Ramit could teach him anything, and he doesn’t even trust that his own financial guy’s formula is right. If you’re not willing to learn, you won’t make changes. He says he learns hearing new perspectives, but I have a feeling it’s just so he can compare them to his own to verify that he’s still the smartest one in the room.

@growingthegoodlifenc

Жыл бұрын

YES. This is exactly it, IMO.

@nd8686

Жыл бұрын

I agree. I'm at the point in the video where he doesn't want to take his wife's son and girlfriend out for an expensive meal. I think he only thinks the things he wants to spend money on (concerts and an inheritance for *his* kids) are worth it.

Covid taught me to not sweat the small stuff. I lingered over buying name brand trash bags for $6 .00 and I was debt free. It’s a journey but I’m getting there. Took two vacations this year and didn’t blink twice.

I don't get why the guy says he needs to save up for the NZ trip. Isn't that EXACTLY what he has been doing for the last umpteen years...saving up? Why does the clock on the idea for the trip only start now? Indeed, Tommy himself said he had been thinking about the trip already, which means he HAS been saving up...for the trip...even starting the savings clock more recently. His attitude about saving for the trip is just a security blanket for insecurities. If he doesn't change, Caroline needs to go by herself.

@nosirrahm

3 ай бұрын

He’s used to saving up for as goal, meeting it, and then doing the activity. Regardless of the fact that he constantly saving already. That money wasn’t earmarked for vacation.

YES!!!! Thank you for sharing a more mature couple!!! I was getting a little discouraged seeing all these 20 year olds on the show. Really appreciate diversity in all forms!

Thank you for this podcast and video, Ramit! (And thank you to this couple who were willing to share their story). I watched (and really enjoyed!) your recent Netflix series but found most of the couples in the series less relatable than these folks. My husband is “the spender” in our marriage and is much more easy-going with money. I am the saver and am extremely anxious and uptight about spending. I relate to Tommy! But over the years, I've come to realize it’s better and healthier to adopt a more moderate and balanced approach. My husband and I have actually learned from each other over the years; we are from opposite ends of the financial spending “spectrum” and as such, have found a sort of balance with each other, learning how to “meet in the middle”. I confess that is it often still a struggle for me to spend....but I know the struggle is emotional and not financial.

Caroline just wants to go on a nice holiday and have a blowout without Tommy stressing her out 🎉

Tommy when you leave this world, you’re not taking the money with you. Enjoy life and make memories with your family! You worked hard all these years, you deserve to enjoy the fruits of your labor while still budgeting and saving.

@tonia2483

Жыл бұрын

I know that's right

Tommy is stuck in his ways. Like he's literally stuck in a middle class mindset. Not joking - he probably needs to talk through this with a psychologist to get to the bottom of it.

@DamianBadalamenti

3 ай бұрын

He's just an investor

@debbielockhart7762

9 күн бұрын

Most middle class people don't mind spending money. This guy is pathological.

THANK YOU for having the podcast on KZread now! As you mentioned, being able to see their nonverbal reactions helps us understand their situation more and how you help them move forward.

@ramitsethi

Жыл бұрын

You're welcome. People's facial expressions and body language are very telling!

Tommy: My husband was the healthiest guy I knew! At 66, when going to a formal he was suddenly unable to tie his bowtie. He was concrrned. Two months later he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. Two years later as it progressed unusually rapidly he was diagnosed with corticobasel syndrome. His body locked up completely and two years later he passed. We had plenty of $$. We had bought our dream sailboat. But we couldn’t stop that disease. Tommy, you need to start spending- add on the new layer Ramit is suggesting. Good luck and enjoy what you have worked so hard for.

Tommy needs a therapist to work thru that trauma / fear. End of story.

@EpicLoveInstitute

Жыл бұрын

Yes! Totally agree that it sounds like there’s a wounded inner child around money that is driving the bus. Unfortunately, Going deeper into the wound is not the expertise of the host. I wish he had enough insight to tell Tommy that he needs a therapist.

@janebaker4912

Жыл бұрын

I get it. I was poor as a kid. Seeing my savings is addictive. I feel control and power I never had as a starving child

@violetasettle4419

8 ай бұрын

I wish my trauma turned me into a millionaire. Maybe it’s not trauma just a form of conditioning he uses to self soothe. He’s pretty honest that it’s a competition for him and he likes to do it. The act itself doesn’t bother him, he’s apologetic because he understands it’s not socially acceptable.

@yogowong

8 ай бұрын

And you need that $6 million that he has. End of story

@flyingskyson

8 ай бұрын

​@@EpicLoveInstituteq❤

So glad I found this podcast. I've felt like I've needed a financial therapist for some time, but cant imagine talking to someone about my debilitating inability to stop saving and start living lest they roll their eyes and play tiny violins. I can absolutely relate to Tommy and the younger FIRE couple with 4.3 mil. A scarcity mentality was branded into me at a formative age and no amount of money is ever gonna make me feel secure. And i take a lot of pride in my frugal identity. As I cross into my second half of life, i realize that money is no longer scarce but time may well be. I liked Caroline's follow up comment about "memories over money" and Ramit's story (from the other couple) about buying sharper clothes in his 20s. I'll never be interested in being a snappy dresser, but i take the point that STARTING from a place of meaning is better now than starting from cost. Thank you for filling a void for those of us struggling to stop hoarding and start living.

I love how she smiles... when she realizes a moment that he is about to be told exactly what she's been probably saying already

@morinomopariola

5 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂

First off, thanks to Tommy and Caroline for sharing their finances and emotions in what was clearly an uncomfortable conversation (I mean that in the most positive way!). This was a great discussion Ramit. I really hope that they can find a way to prioritize happiness and worry less about the monetary security (which they already have). As an optimizer, I really empathize with Tommy. It has to be very difficult to unpeel/redefine the part of your identity that made you successful, but it absolutely has to change for both of you to be happy. You earned a sub Ramit!

@ramitsethi

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for watching and for the thoughtful comment!

Coming back from vacationing in Latin America, it was so much fun and I got a lot of exercise 😂 But had I waited until I was a senior citizen to go, it would have been either too exhausting or I would have needed so many accommodations that it wouldn't have been nearly as immersive. Go while you have the capacity to go!

The follow up messages had me rolling! 😂 Great conversation! Thank you to the couples and Ramit for letting us listen in and learn from you!

@ramitsethi

Жыл бұрын

Glad you enjoyed it!

My uncle passed last year. He converted a cinder block chicken coop into living quarters when he was 24 and lived there for 56 years. He died at 80 and left behind $10 million dollars. He always talked about buying a house and finding a wife but he never could do it. He never owned a phone, had a computer, or even had a kitchen. He drove 50 miles each way to trade stocks. I hope it was worth it and what he left behind is used wisely.

I haven't finished watching, only at 15 minutes, but as soon as you said he was an entrepreneur, most of his life i was thinking boom. There, it is the classic scarcity mindset of the self employed.

@ramitsethi

Жыл бұрын

That is a good insight

@xanderpixel

Жыл бұрын

@I Will Teach You To Be Rich because he was using the words i used to. After 30 years, you feel like a big part of your success is based on responsible money mgmt. Spending it without a "5 year plan" suddenly feels like you're being irresponsible. You feel every man hour that went into making that dollar. Every sacrifice, every bit of blood shed.

@LismoreLady

Жыл бұрын

Is it a US thing that everyone worries about having a pension they can live on? Idk as I’m in Ireland and we (hubby and me) are retired and never had it so good! We get Irish state pension which is probably same as social security in US, (approx €13000 pa each) we pay in during our worklife and get credits for the contributions. Everyone in Ireland gets it, and poor people who didn’t have work contributions get a means tested pension. There’s also numerous other payments for retirees. We get fuel credits off our electricity bill and free TV licence, worth about €600 pa. Then we get free healthcare (docs, hospital, scripts) costing €0. We also get occupational defined benefit pensions from our jobs, neither are massive but more than enough to be comfortable on. As hubby is from a different EU country so he gets 50% of the state pension of that country (as well as the Irish one) and I get a smaller percentage. With paying reduced taxes our take home is more than adequate for our fixed costs and savings and holidays and living. We don’t have the healthcare costs you have in the US and we’ve no student debt, our kids studies to master level cost them about €6k, mine was sponsored by my job, hubby’s was also sponsored by his work, and so we have nothing to payback there. We’re mortgage free too. I am jaw dropped at the US salaries and yet people seem to have no security in old age unless they invest and save millions! Our pensions are guaranteed for life, they’re index linked so go up every year and my occupational pension is linked to my work grade so increases regularly. So we have no financial worries about running out of money. I’m fact I haven’t a clue what my pension pot is as I’m only aware I’ll get it for life. And if I go first my hubby will get about 2/3 of my pension for his lifetime. I find Remit’s podcasts fascinating!

@Coastpsych_fi99

Жыл бұрын

@@LismoreLady Pensions are increasingly becoming obsolete as they are expensive to maintain as people live longer.

@LismoreLady

Жыл бұрын

@@Coastpsych_fi99 I guess that’s why many occupational pensions in Ireland are defined contributions rather than defined benefit. I’m lucky that we (hubby and me) have defined benefits. We paid in during work life and get guaranteed index linked (hubby) or grade linked (me). I just got a 7.5% increase which my old grade got, backdated a year. This wasn’t quite inflation level but was the best deal the unions could wrangle from government. There’s another 3.5% coming this year. If inflation rises it might be more. Our state pensions also went up 6% in hubby’s country and 5% in Ireland. So far no worries. Every household in Ireland got €600 credit in 3 tranches this winter for electricity bills to offset energy costs somewhat.

He needs to practice some generosity. He lives with a closed fist when it comes to money. That’s why he also has a hard time spending it.

It may be hard to believe, but the average person has little better than a 50-50 chance of making it from age 50 to age 70 without dying or incurring a critical illness (cancer, cardiovascular disease, kidney failure, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, etc). Despite improvements to our longevity, there are very real risks surrounding traditional retirement ages that should not be ignored. Tommy may very well have some real longevity risk in his genes to be concerned about, though increased longevity doesn't necessarily equate to disease & disability-free years during all of retirement. While Tommy clearly isn’t a gambler with money, he is content to gamble his time… after all, he’s going to live to 100, right? He feels he has more time than money. There is danger in this mindset as tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Your health, cognition, and mobility decline as you age no matter who you are. The utility of your money will change as you age to the point where you may not be able to get as much meaning from it. Don’t miss out on too many ‘Go-Go’ years with Caroline. For a precision saver, investor, planner... and optimizer - Tommy should take on the next challenge to optimize the next ~40 years of his life, should he live to 100. How can he efficiently trade his money for meaning, without leaving too much on the table? All that meaning left on the table would be a shame. If he doesn’t have ‘to the dollar’ plans for all that money, every year, every decade of retirement - it is all irrational fear. Travel, concerts, sporting events… that Florida vacation home that will be a MAGNET for their adult children to visit and make memories with them. Build that fictitious budget and just TRY to spend it on experiences. Be realistic about the go-go/slow-go-/no-go phases… travel and entertainment will drastically change in your 70's, 80’s and 90’s. Material things are easy blow money on, but keep thinking about experiences - it will be more difficult than you realize and some experiences only belong in your 60's. Don't miss out on them. Even with average market returns, Tommy and Caroline’s nest egg will become very difficult to spend down with Tommy’s mindset. It will become a run-away, extra-large portfolio ballooning beyond their ability to convert it to meaning in their lifetimes. If their kids don’t need or want their money, despite the fact it makes Tommy ‘feel good’, what’s the point? Memento Mori. (Remember that you have to die).

@ramitsethi

Жыл бұрын

This is such a great comment. A totally different way to rethink risk and gambling. Thanks for leaving it, Brad

@Amberi2121

Жыл бұрын

I sometimes feel like, people can't grasp death and try to avoid even thinking about it..

@supercrazydesi

Жыл бұрын

Thank you, Brad for your comment. This is an eye opener because my husband and I are like Tommy. We spend on certain things like eating out, a couple of vacations a year but very frugal with many other things.

@bRIZZAd

Жыл бұрын

@@supercrazydesi You're welcome. That type of behavior serves an important purpose for many periods in life. Though, it can border on irrational if you have more than enough without any plans to deploy it for meaning in your life. I'm not here to advertise books, but my words and thoughts came from a couple that I've read recently that you may wish to read. "The Essential Retirement Guide" by Frederick Vettese is about the most evidence based scientific approach to retirement planning as one can find. If you have spending qualms surrounding fear of long-term-care for example, it speaks to that, backing up explanations with statistics to understand if the probability justifies you hoarding more than is necessary. "Die With Zero" by Bill Perkins is another good one to read, if you are in a position where you are in good financial standing, but are questioning your frugal ways. Don't judge a book by its cover there either, it isn't about lighting money on fire - but really resonates with some of what Ramit talks about in terms of getting closer to understanding your values for a 'Rich Life'. Only you can figure that out, but those two books were really good reads in my mind, as they don't tip-toe around the fragility of life and urge you to spend a little more now, as opposed to over-saving for tomorrow. Be responsible, though also consider the risk in living a life smaller than you could otherwise and if you are on that path.

Ramits job is hard I realize. He is phenomenal at what he does given the sensitivities of money

48:39 Here I talk about how your Conscious Spending Plan and your calendar reflect what season of life you are in. What does yours say about you?

2023 the year of more Mr. Chill! Wishing you all the best, enjoy your many years of labor and live your rich life to the fullest!

Hi Ramit! Hope this finds you well. I've casually gone through some of your Spotify Podcasts, however, for the first time 10-15 mins into the Podcast I wished if I could somehow "see" you guys talking, and came here just in case you have posted the Episode here. Having gone through each and every second of these ninety mins with my Wife listening to this and calling me Tommy-like (😜jokingly, of-course), here are my two cents: 1. With folded hands - Respect you for your PATIENCE, throughout! 😊🙏 Hallelujah! 🙌🙌🙌 2. Caroline seemed like not knowing her math initially but a lot "sad" throughout most of the call and kinda "relieved" by the end. So happy for her! :) 3. Tommy seemed like a slave of his own thinking, which was certainly and 100% correct-thinking back in the day, which brought him to this "multi-million-dollar" position, however, such an overkill now. However, I felt from 10-15 mins onwards that this thinking is really deep-rooted and not because of his age but some "psychological issue" maybe as a child or seeing his Parents struggle (as, I feel, aptly pointed out by some Love Coach in the comments below). I too wish you'd probably gone there... Anyway... Ramit, wish I could meet you in person bro! 😊 Tommy & Caroline, if you guys are reading this: Wish you guys the best and hope you see "Italy" and "NZ" both, very soon. :) Love from India! 💌 N.

@ramitsethi

Жыл бұрын

Fantastic comment! So happy you came and watched the episode here!

@nomadicnayyar5005

Жыл бұрын

@@ramitsethi 🤗🙏🏼 (Plz check LI DM too)

I truly feel sorry for people like Tommy. If $6 million is enough $6 billion still wouldn't be enough it's never enough for people like him. I truly hope he gets some real help to get over this mindset.

When I used to prepare for competitive exam (I did it for 3 years) and after I successfully cracked it and made it into institute I wanted, still I was continuously thinking about exam at least for a year.. If doing something for 3 years can make you so much ingrained in you, I can understand what tommy must have gone through. Thanks for sharing this video.

I LOVE THIS SOOOOOooo MUCH. It was SO GOOD. Tommy has a great personality and it was cool that he was receptive to Ramit's "financial therapy" session. Loved the name of the accountant on his shoulder 🤣 I'm nowhere near their net worth at the moment but I still found this episode to be very insightful into financial mindsets... and I can definitely apply the concepts of 2 different personalities for decision-making, as most people (including myself) generally seem to have just 1 very dominant view on life.

This was a great episode. Really goes to show you how the feeling of being rich is so relative.

@ramitsethi

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for watching

At the very beginning so much awesome thoughts, amazing skills, awesome listenings & hearing, phasing, questioning the people! Will come back to listen the whole interview.

What a great couple! I feel like they were both open to the discussion. I really appreciated hearing from a more mature family and a second marriage. They were so endearing that I couldn't help but root for them! Caroline's comment about the lottery was dead on. I wish them continued health, happiness and success!

So glad to see an older couple being interviewed; I listened to the end. You cannot buy time & good health…enjoy yourselves, your family/friends…spend some money on experiences! Italy and New Zealand…go for it! One day perhaps I fly business class, until then I’ll go economy plus!

This session really had my wheels turning. I am great at saving, live debt free and live well within my means. I need to work on induing and treating myself.

Omg! I used to ignore your videos here in youtube… but I’m watching your netflix show and I LOVE IT! love watching it. And i just subscribed to your KZread channel and planning to get your book and journal. Love your show! Thank you! 👍🏼👍🏼😊

It would be good to do a follow-up session with Tommy and Caroline a year later.

This was a bit stressful to watch.The Italy trip can be to celebrate her retirement!! yay! My father has cancer now and one of the things we all talk about is how many great memories we have had together- including trips with spouses and grandkids. These were not big-budget trips, but the memories are truly priceless.

Great topic - thanks Ramit. I somewhat suffer from the same situation and trying to adjustment my way of thinking about money (scarcity mindset). A good book to read is Die with Zero by Bill Perkins.

So we’re not gonna say that Tommy is controlling and stubborn and is an asshole to his wife? Ok. This is borderline financial abuse. Caroline might need to separate her retirement funds so she can have some peace and enjoy some of her retirement.

This video is exactly what I needed to see.

Tommy seems like a nice guy, while also being a hypocrite. He justifies spending (probably) exuberant amount of money on concerts and sporting events. But won't "allow" Caroline to spend on what she feels she's (in his own words towards his spending) earned, without bitching and complaining about it.

Simply brilliant coaching

Wow Rammit! You are doing amazing work here!! ❤❤❤ Excellent job!

Ramit! You’re so right, the video of this is so much better than just the podcast. I’ve been listening to your podcast from the beginning. I stopped this episode with 13 mins left to come on because I had to see Tommy’s reactions. So glad I did! Thank you for these amazing conversations!

I fell in love with Caroline's laugh. also Tommy seems like a great guy.

Tommy, if you're reading this, I feel for you. I understand that you can't know what future catastrophes are ahead. No one does. But what a shame if you misspend the time you are privileged to share with someone you love and who loves you. Take the trip NOW and pay yourself back.

I wish, I saw this as my issue! To have it with no thought or real concern. Life is short Tommy and you cannot take it with you. Enjoy it while you’re still able. The memories you make will be all that remains when you can’t walk and move like you once did. 🙏🏽❤️

Good thing that she's agreeable. She could take $3M and the lawyers would get the $0.3M if she felt like it. She could even upgrade to Bluetooth headphones.

Great episode!

I just love these two , no disrespect to each other , no one trying to control but he is scared for whatever reason . I wish them luck

Great episode

Love your work. Love the breakdowns as I'm s careers advisor helping wit physical and psychological transitions. I could fall into this trap, give me £1 million I would invest it!!! Drives my family mad, we have had t enforce fun money but I still secretly save some if it.

He says he wishes he could win the lottery! WOW. I'm speechless. It is fustrating to hear that. And has over 6 million. I wander if he even donates some of his money to a good cause. A very scarcity mindset. So sad.

@debbielockhart7762

9 күн бұрын

He wouldn't part with a penny.

I see bits of myself in Tommy. Thanks Ramit for the crystal ball comment…we can go to far on the savings extreme

I can relate! Great raw episode.

One cancer diagnosis will totally rock your world and change priorities.

this is why i prefer ramit sethi vs dave ramsey. dave is too cut throat whereas ramit poses questions and allows the people to decide.

I loved this!

This is so powerful, it made me laugh and it made me cry, but more importantly, it made me think. I see myself slowly turning into Tommy, and I want to take a turn towards a rich life asap.

Another great vid! I love saving but I don’t think I’ll ever be like that! Especially now after seeing this.

Great episode as always, but I'm especially tickled by the excited yoga ball bouncing 😁

@LismoreLady

Жыл бұрын

Never even noticed it 😂 now I can’t unsee it!

Here is the deal with us “older” folks that have wealth…speaking for myself, I have been frugal all of my working years..lived below my means, not spending on designer clothes and driving a Ford hybrid for the past 8 years..The envy of NO ONE~perfect! Now, there is nothing I really want..no need to impress ..It is hard to change frugal ways…I live a very middle class life even though I would be considered wealthy..I am fulfilled.

So glad to hear that it’s necessary to learn how to meaningfully spend . It’s a skill that is absent from financial literacy ❤❤❤❤

Awesome job! Incredible

I thought it was really interesting when Tommy said he fears that if he lets himself spend at all, he'll spend too much. I also struggle with this idea sometimes too. I struggle to find balance and not live in extremes all the time, either hoarding 100% percent of my earnings or saying fuck it and spending it all. I wonder where this comes from.

Admiration for Tommy. Not an easy forum to address your demons in. There is a reason he has been successful in business, he absolutely backs himself.

I raised a fuss when my wife wanted to upgrade from wired headphones to Bluetooth. Now I can't believe I used wired headphones. 😂 Worth EVERY PENNY.

This is brilliant ,,

I relate to this guy so much! Man.

The eye roll at 1:01:40 had me clutching my pearls

Is it a US thing that everyone worries about having a pension they can live on? Idk as I’m in Ireland and we (hubby and me) are retired and never had it so good! We get Irish state pension which is probably same as social security in US, (approx €13000 pa each) we pay in during our worklife and get credits for the contributions. Everyone in Ireland gets it, and poor people who didn’t have work contributions get a means tested pension. There’s also numerous other payments for retirees. We get fuel credits off our electricity bill and free TV licence, worth about €600 pa. Then we get free healthcare (docs, hospital, scripts) costing €0. We also get occupational defined benefit pensions from our jobs, neither are massive but more than enough to be comfortable on. As hubby is from a different EU country so he gets 50% of the state pension of that country (as well as the Irish one) and I get a smaller percentage. With paying reduced taxes our take home is more than adequate for our fixed costs and savings and holidays and living. We don’t have the healthcare costs you have in the US and we’ve no student debt, our kids studies to master level cost them about €6k, mine was sponsored by my job, hubby’s was also sponsored by his work, and so we have nothing to payback there. We’re mortgage free too. I am jaw dropped at the US salaries and yet people seem to have no security in old age unless they invest and save millions! Our pensions are guaranteed for life, they’re index linked so go up every year and my occupational pension is linked to my work grade so increases regularly. So we have no financial worries about running out of money. I’m fact I haven’t a clue what my pension pot is as I’m only aware I’ll get it for life. And if I go first my hubby will get about 2/3 of my pension for his lifetime. I find Ramit’s podcasts fascinating!

@ramitsethi

Жыл бұрын

Aside from older people, very few people in America have pensions. This is a great example of how money is political.

@LismoreLady

Жыл бұрын

@@ramitsethi I see what you mean, money is political. I have a friend in US who’s also a retired nurse (like me) and has a work pension and will take her social security when she’s 70 and she’s still anxious about healthcare costs being prohibitive. She has Medicare if that’s what retirees get and she had a good workplace pension, but still has to pay hundreds a month towards healthcare and will have Co pays and out of plan if I’m not mistaken. I think it’s very sad so many people in the US don’t want universal healthcare as they wrongly see it as “socialised medicine”, and many don’t want to pay taxes for poor people to have access to healthcare. I’m sure it’s not everyone but they certainly shout the loudest in online forums! Thanks for your insightful podcasts which I’ve enjoyed for the past year or so, not always relevant to European situations with the investments etc but fascinating nonetheless. You’ve great patience with some of the more intransigent clients on your podcasts, I’m shouting at Alexa when you’ve someone on whose worth is in the millions and they won’t go on holiday or buy stuff they want!

@Coastpsych_fi99

Жыл бұрын

Pensions are being removed for many people which means individuals have to plan and fund their own retirement. My mum has a pension and doesn’t know anything about taxes - whereas my generation has to be across it.

you are great dude! new fan!

I thought I was pretty thrifty and cautious with money. But that part where it’s revealed that Tommy has 3 million in investments/savings, a 2 million dollar house paid off and feels he needs to save $500 per month for a year before he could afford a vacation had me LMFAO. Spend your money dude. What are you waiting for?!?!? You’ll probably make more money or break even from your investments during that trip. Saving money for a trip is what you do when you have a net worth around 5K or 50k. Not 5 million.

What a great episode! Hope he can be able to just relax a bit and enjoy the ONLY thing that he cannot buy or accumulate: his TIME. It's inspiring to see such an accomplished couple and it's a valuable lesson to see that our mentality does not change with more money. We must work on that in spite of it.

We were planning a big family trip ... My parents (78), me and my kids (19 and 21), my siblings and their kids. COVID hit so we postponed. Well ... my son passed away and instead of him being with us, I spread his ashes in Iceland. Take the fking vacation before it's too late if you can afford it. Tomorrow is not a guarantee.

It's fascinating how someone can be intelligent enough to make millions but can't do basic math. They could burn 20k/month without even reducing their wealth by a dime, or working ever again. Love your work, Ramit.

@ramitsethi

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for watching! But I think all these videos show that money goes far beyond math. It's much, much more about the money psychology.

@ze_ep

Жыл бұрын

@@ramitsethi Yep, I was being glib. Of course this guy can do math. But he doesn't believe it.

@Coastpsych_fi99

Жыл бұрын

Most millionaires don’t become that way thinking like that though. Many are very frugal and enjoy saving. It can often come from a fear of being broke or poor again.

@katierose1893

Жыл бұрын

Seriously! I definitely have the "skill" of spending money!

@midkort

Жыл бұрын

You're making a classic mistake thinking that these decisions boil down to one's ability to "do math."

I think at 60 years old people don’t want to change any more, me at 60 years old as an entrepreneur also myself, I will still will be working on what I like but at the time I want to work and I’ll have been do that trip to new Zeland maybe 10 years ago that he’s speaking Becase even if you said he will live until 100+ years old maybe he could no walk or see or hear or anything less jumping of a mountain! As you said before live today and tomorow make money today and tomorow! I’m 27 years old! 👍🏻

Great video, and great coaching. Bill Perkins book “Die with Zero” address his mindset head on and makes the case why it’s begs to be examined.

I am sorry for these sad people especially for his wife as this is exactly what is happening to me apart from the massive money difference. The man should have a swap with poor people like us he would realise how much money he has. I hope he doesn't get ill with cancer or something something incurable because then he would certainly realised how stupid he is. Yes you are a D***k , your own words. So sad. I feel sorry for coreline , do get in touch I will come with you! I travel on peanuts as my narcissistic husband keeps everything secret so I have no access or control to our money. Life is too short, get a life. I can't even believe you have a discussion with them, there is too many people earning f**all and can't pay for food. I know it's their problem but seriously get a life be greatfull you worked it out and enjoy the ride!

Tommy you won!! Enjoy your life with your wife . Life is precious.

This episode feels like a wake up call.

I liked this one a lot. A different perspective from the normal "we make 200K, but spend 250K/yr". I also like that they are older and helps me, someone who is younger, recognize that getting in too deep with investing/saving isn't a good thing.

Thank you for this video. It has changed my view of saving and spending. I hope the lesson will stay with me for the rest of my life. I see myself in Tommy and hope to learn to spend on memories without putting my wife thru the same things.

There’s a deeper issue there, it’s not just about saving. He must have grown up poor or lost something at some point in life. I can imagine working so hard but having an anxiety attack whenever you want to rip the fruits of your labor. He needs some therapy to help deal with his fear and anxiety.

Loved the Big Lebowski impersonation.. don't pee on this guy's carpet. 😂

Man really entered that gaming state where he gets dopamine from saving money. It's reaaaaally hard to change it. Just like any other addiction. People just don't treat it as such, cause it seems to be a positive addiction. And it is positive, to some extent.

Did these people not learn anything from what happened during the pandemic? New Zealand closed its borders for 2 years!! Don't assume you can put off that trip until whenever. Do it now, while you're healthy and have the cash. Enjoy yourself; it's later than you think.

@bdp295

10 ай бұрын

“Pandemic”

Tommy needs to recognize that 10 years from now, he may not be able to enjoy the money as much as he could now. He may not even be healthy enough to enjoy the money. He has worked so hard all his life for such a time as this, it would be a shame to in return, entirely miss the destination he has been aiming for all along!

@katierose1893

Жыл бұрын

Quite frankly, 60 is already too old to enjoy it. He might as well just continue on and let his children enjoy it when he passes.

@katierose1893

Жыл бұрын

@@droiddevx03 I dunno, the older I get, the less I care for expensive things. I see this often. Seniors are frugal and don't need much. A trip to New Zealand at 60 sounds odd.. maybe 55 but now they're too old to enjoy it.

@deeplyerring

Жыл бұрын

60 isn’t dead! My parents just turned 70 and only started traveling last year and been having so much fun. They do regret not making time to travel sooner because realistically, it will get harder and harder to get around in the next few years. But this couple can still enjoy that trip to New Zealand and more. But they have to do it now.

@SnowofLight

Жыл бұрын

@@katierose1893 Not too old, but realistically he has 10 years max. You're physically able, until all of a sudden you aren't.

@katierose1893

Жыл бұрын

@@SnowofLight I can't stand these boomers who hoard cash and are so dull as fuck.