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I had a marriage that was not perfect. But we never fought. We talked then we could resolve it. Most cases the issue was something we could laugh about. The thing that I consider our marriage incredibly that most don’t have… we always had each other’s back, we were totally honest about everything even we had interactions w others that could have become something between us, we could talk for hours about anything and laugh at ourselves. I lost him within 18 months of his cancer diagnosis. We had so much simple silly fun w our kids w silly phone apps and silly photos. So his last time was just as much fun as possible without spending money because the treatment situation took all our money. We had something that most people could never imagine. I don’t expect to ever have it again. I was 49 when he died. Yet he was the boy across the street growing up but didn’t date until later in life. We still had 17 years of marriage. I was blessed. Our kids were blessed.

I agree 100 percent about if you don"t stand up for yourself, you get what you deserve. It only took me 40 years to figure this out. I put my own needs on the back burner only to end up with a failed marriage that was all about his needs from education, career, to infidelity on his part. The moment I stood up for myself....he decided our marriage was over. So be it....I am alone but so much happier. Time for me now. It is never too late to do interpersonal work,learn, and move on.

@Sunlightsam24

4 ай бұрын

Great attitude, you will thrive from here on out!

@gabbypage6929

4 ай бұрын

I hear this story from woman all the time.

@sherriflemming3218

4 ай бұрын

Nancy 👍 Indeed stand up for yourself.

@folakeadegbola7384

2 ай бұрын

Honest, profound illuminations on the relationship topic

I love where you are heading with asking ‘what if I don’t meet my person, what does that mean for my life?’ I can relate to that, I was there too. I decided no matter what, my life would continue to be full, fun, exciting and interesting-and surrendered to that in my body.

@michellemcauley2315

4 ай бұрын

I did that and then met a very interesting man

@sherriflemming3218

4 ай бұрын

You can meet aomeone when youre not actively seeking.

@Sunlightsam24

4 ай бұрын

@@michellemcauley2315 Happy to hear that, no matter how it unfolded. Within a year after embodying that surrender , I met my BF, we’re together 2 years at the end of May and live together. It’s been quite a growing experience for me and I’ve learned, and am learning more, about myself.

@Sunlightsam24

4 ай бұрын

@@Bb-k4gd Thanks…it was living a fulfilled, fun, interesting life that made it easy to apply the rules. I didn’t memorize the rules or apply them by the letter, but I did most of them in dating. No dates after Wed for the weekend, I always had plans for my weekend by Wed, often just being home, relaxing with a good book! I let him call/contact me most of the time, still do. I always respond, just not in 5 minutes. I let him pay for the first few dates, then invited him to my home for dinner (where he brought all the food over). Didn’t have sex right away, he tried and I nicely told him I was interested in having sex with him, just wasn’t ready yet (which he thanked me for later). I didn’t/don’t tell him what to do, and don’t argue or want to get my way on stupid stuff, and have learned to talk to him in a way that’s not accusatory. I thank him often for expanding my world and tell him what I love about him. I bring calmness to his world. I learned how men operate and how to create attraction. Now my guy isn’t perfect, there’s things I’ve had to and continue to work on, at the end of the day though, I don’t want to live the rest of my life without him (Golden Bachelor). 💗 If this can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. Hope that helps!

Actually, healthy women want to be pursued, not chased.

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

Humans seek effort...

@sherriflemming3218

4 ай бұрын

Mutual effort. A two lane street.

@NatalieG-yi3pn

4 ай бұрын

I agree. Women should be pursued. Women should not be chasing men.

Just because some people get divorced does not mean that someone else could not find happiness in marriage or should not be open to it, if that’s really what their heart desires. We can be alone but we are not meant to be alone, the perfect state of a man is in partnership. Everything is better when we are accompanied. When a person is stable in their core values, mature, and know what they want, it’s easier for them to achieve their goals.

@sherriflemming3218

4 ай бұрын

Good points Lighthouse. And agree with your good and evil comment. I've experienced it. However I believe there is karmic justice. And karma always has an address. Living a moral life has a powerful impact on your personal well being. I'm going to partner with my best friend as Golden Girls. We will take care of each other. 🙏

@robynalvin2849

4 ай бұрын

Agree!!!!!!

I’m in my 50s and still wondering if I’m gonna get “that one great love.” I’m losing hope!!!!

I had to find my joy and fulfillment alone to be attractive..I found that in God I found my solid stability and joy..now that I'm not looking men are very attracted to me...

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing!!

BUT JONATHON!!!... you are the absolute best and I love your honesty, cursing, and genuine communication. We appreciate you, thank you so much!!!

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

I appreciate that!

@lindahahn1823

4 ай бұрын

Create memories!

I have a mid 30's daughter who has never been married (or even engaged). She's beauriful and works as an RN, but she is very comfortable with herself and doesnt feel it paramount to be married😊

My life isn't doomed if I dont meet the right guy. I can fly solo on my journey. 🐦 You're right about what great relationships have in common. You nail it on avoidant men! . I agree with statistics on secure attachment.

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

Exactly

@sherriflemming3218

4 ай бұрын

I dont feel lonely at all. Enjoy my own company. ❤️ to you Jonathon.

Love this! Playing the hunter/chaser is like sacrificing who you are to give them the “ thrill” they need to “get off”. I don’t mean sexually. It means the other person is borderline narcissistic. Give them stress by stepping on their fragile ego by being real. I had been triggered by a totally emotionally unavailable man. Thank you & thank you 😊 for pointing this out! I read “Attached” & it has so much truth that is grounding. Risk telling the truth especially when you have reached a point where the test of time has expired!!!

Yesterday a woman wrote that men are the happiest in a marriage but women are happiest being single. That is because the courtship phase/hunting is short and after that the prey is taken for granted and respect goes down the drain together with sex. Women want to feel loved and bond in order to have sex. Men need sex to bond. So marital rape, a bit of a strong term but is very common for this reason. I'd say, both have to chose each other, be hunter and prey at the same time, also with mutual respect and submission to God, no partner has total control over the other. 🙏❤

@sherriflemming3218

4 ай бұрын

Shared power. Interdependence

I am sorry Jonathan for your loss.I am kind a proud that you took a lesson from that and now helping others.THANK YOU.

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

Thank you 😊

I LOVE your passion and telling it like it is.

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

Awe... thanks

Yes this all makes full sense to me.

Brilliant..you are on ground breaking new territory..❤

@junehansen5220

4 ай бұрын

I have met The Most Wonderful..he’s 79..couldn’t love him more..❤

I just had a chance to listen to the beginning of the replay and yes I totally relate.I was the CHASER because I attracted the Avoidant man.I didn't know about the attachment styles at that time but through that experience it lead me to it to discover it and that I was anxious preoccupied. I was chasing this man as I was looking for love and validation outside of me coming from my childhood wounding around my father. It was a sobering experience and I'm grateful because it also lead me to self-love. Thank you again for covering this topic ❤

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

My pleasure

I can understand why a man would be turned off by a woman who approaches a meeting like a business deal. He’s not there to get more masculine energy or a man friend. Meet for coffee or a local park for a chat…keep things simple and easy and come from feminine energy

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

If our current system is so great, why are there so many unhappy people?

@sherriflemming3218

4 ай бұрын

Good point JA.. Relationships are an investment..Men and women have both energies. Healthy people are aware of their strengths and weaknesses.

Life sure is humbling❤

Only being a third into this video I'm not able to watch it live on Saturdays. It occurs to me the bigger the ego a person has younger in life the more obstacles they will have later to get them out of their ego and into their heart.

@sherriflemming3218

4 ай бұрын

Spot on, Maryann!

Sometimes women do not reply on dating apps because other guys are more agressive with sending messages and we get distracted. I would send another message if you like any of these women. Do not take it personally. You never know; it is very overwelming to talk to a few guys. Initialy, it is challenging to connect with one person. Once, you meet her and she doesn't reply then it is a different story. Many relationships do not start idealy, but that doesn't mean anything.

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

Then why did those women message me in the first place?

@patty8945

4 ай бұрын

@@JonathonAslay On bumple,in the beginneing we send messages to a few guys because we do not know which one will want to engage with us. Many conversations start and then end, that's why I talk to many guys, the guy that puts the most effort is more likely I will talk back to. Maybe someone distracted her from talking to you, again women talk to many guys, not just one. She is not emotinaly bonded with anyone and it's easy to start talking to someone new/else who is attentive and engages with her. Men start conversations too and then they disappear. It goes both ways, especially in the beginning. At this stage of dating or communicating it should't matter, we all know everyone talks to many people at the same time. Remind her of yourself and see what happens. If she won't reply, then say next. What if she does?

@patty8945

4 ай бұрын

It should not be taken personaly since you haven't met. There is no attachement or any form of bonding and you do not even know if you are attracted to each other.

Thanks for everyone of you videos you help alot

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

So nice of you

OMG SO VERY SORRY TO HEAR U LOST UR SON!! NO PARENT SHD HAVE TO EVER BURY THEIR CHILD, pls accept my deepest condolences to you and your family!! God bless YOU!🙏🙏🙏💘❤

@JonathonAslay

3 ай бұрын

awe... thank you.

Yes men like to do their own thing.

Jonathan, you model a lot of healthy responses to criticism for us… processing/metabolizing/filtering right in the moment 💜 it would’ve been hard for me to do that so smoothly in public because it can be hard to find the right language in the moment! taking responsibility for what you are responsible for and rejecting responsibility for what you’re not responsible for. Centered/grounded without being self-centered/egoic. To me, love and ego is not set it and forget it, but a constant process of choosing love and trying to our best to use language in love. People who say they have no ego have identified with that in a way that prevents in the moment and daily spiritual/psychological introspection. Essentially identifying with perfection of “I am good” (enabling reverse engineering of every circumstance to come to the conclusion of that first principle) instead of I want to be/do good, which allows introspection/spiritual & psychological deep diving on a daily basis as a good habit. It’s super clear, you’ve done a ton of work and are living what you’ve learned! Smack away :) it’s habitual emphasis, just like swearing for you! Check out the scientific studies on swearing and honesty and also how emphasis words often indicate emotional honesty and are processed in different parts of the brain! I like to use emphasis words too but I’m trying to come up with new emphasis words because it’s true, we humans need them (like grunts we used to do before standardized language to express emotion/passion) but they are so often judged because of the meaning behind what our culture has chosen as emphasis words. So even though I like to use them, I’ve thought about why these words in particular were chosen by culture and they’re pretty bleak (since so many are based on disconnecting/dominating words regarding s** and body parts). It’s hard to find words that have that same punch in the brain though 😂 fudge, just doesn’t cut it! Gonna keep looking!

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

👍🏼

Yes . Jonathan .what's goes around comes back please Jonathan am arround ok.. waiting for my blessing just because his twisted and turned...love still can be found..

If a man gets anxious because one doesn’t respond fast all the time … that’s his problem . He needs to work on his issues.. I don’t play games, but if I’m busy and they can’t trust , if they are insecure and get demanding . I rather lose them and keep my peace ☮️

@sherriflemming3218

4 ай бұрын

100% Lighthouse.

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

Does that go both ways?

@Bb-k4gd

4 ай бұрын

@@JonathonAslay I can’t speak for men and your message was directed at us women.

. You have are good soul . Amen

@JonathonAslay

3 ай бұрын

Thank you 😊

"How to become a narcissist repellant" title of your next book!! 👍😂😂😂💯

I heard opinion is based on no life experience in the matter. Judgment is where there is a actual experience with the subject. I liked that description.

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

Interesting

@sherriflemming3218

4 ай бұрын

We use judgement to make valued decisions.

Exactly 💯

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

Yes

11;15 am ..my 38 year marriage ended a year ago... We got along great ..what happened was we stopped we stopped spending time together. Our finances decreased he started working too much..he became impotent and stopped touching me..he started spending too much time away from. Me..

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

🙏

I apologize for my judgmental comment. I just hate it when people criticize a person for something they can’t help. It has happened to me many times in my life with a condition that I have… I guess it triggered me 😞

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

No worries whatsoever

Who’s fooling who? Why would you stay friends? A “mutual relationship if with two honest mutually vulnerable people. It is not test driving a car.

I was close to a neighbor but he has changed. He was kind and a good friend. He changed completely. I am hurt and disappointed mainly because I thought he was a friend . His mother was dying of cancer and I just lost my mother. I kept being supportive and kind but he has been very distant and cold. We are barely talking. How do I get closure?

@Bb-k4gd

4 ай бұрын

What made him distance …. Any clue… Is his moms still alive ?… maybe he’s dating someone. If I was you I would stop initiating contact, try to go out with other friends .

@sherriflemming3218

4 ай бұрын

He may be grieving. Closure is with you, Caroline. I'm sorry for your loss 🫂

Thanks

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

WOW, thank you 😊

Amen 🙏🏼

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

🙏

Jonathon, Im driving to Montana from Cali by myself in a few days with a fresh new start. Hoping to be my life partner there. When i am settled, Im getting on the hotseat

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

Good luck

@sherriflemming3218

4 ай бұрын

Have a safe trip True Morris.

@Diane-xi6tw

29 күн бұрын

@truemorris6695 Good luck on your journey , your new life . Hope you find your life partner.

… FOR RACHEL. … I have a neighbor who has MS and is in a wheelchair . She and her husband have cultivated a close group of friends, a lot through their church, that they have over weekly to socialize, eat pizza and salad … and play poker … they don’t play for money, but everyone puts a certain amount into the pot which pays for the winner’s prize … build it and they will come …

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

Yes

Can we get a But Jonathon!! T shirt 😁

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

I'll work on it...

I love the smacking sounds Tina should watch some other show!!!!!

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

.

All people are a mixture of good and evil.

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

Maybe...

@sherriflemming3218

4 ай бұрын

I'd say good and bad. However some people are classified as evil.

The woman should chose the man by "dropping the handkerchief" sort of speak. Up to the man to act on it and "courtship". 🙏❤

Lets not charged people .I think it depends on individuals because no one is perfect

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

Yes

Does your dating advice, self love advice help with marriages? My husband and I are in an odd situation ..he doesn't seem to be into me like when I let him chase me and it's been over 13 years together..it just doesn't seem exciting like it used to..so should I let him chase me? Not sure how it works for that..we are in the same house...😅 I want things exciting again .try and he doesn't want to be into me unless he's in the mood...I want to be chased again..😢

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

Sometimes...

@mermaidinfinityrainbow3183

4 ай бұрын

@@JonathonAslay thank you. ❤️ Namaste. 🙏✨

@sherriflemming3218

4 ай бұрын

It sounds like taking for granted or complacency. Can you talk about it? Date nights or doing couple things new activities or experiences can spruce things up. Also expressing your needs directly so he's aware.

I sure wish that you would switch out from saying, when the P goes into the V. Why not clean it up a little, and just say sleep together?

@JonathonAslay

Ай бұрын

Noted

The Rules help women develop standards and patience. I know you haven’t read the book, and it’s written for women.

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

I read the book, and some of the assertions are unhealthy... imho

@sherriflemming3218

4 ай бұрын

I followed that manipulative advice in The Rules in the 1980's and attracted some of the WORST men ever. Just saying. It was a popular book.at the time. Also this was some of my mother's "old school" advice. It's not all about empowerment.

The psychology of making a man chase me??? At 39:51 in, and so far I haven’t heard anything about this. I’ve heard what NOT to do. I’ve amen & heard 4 book promos. I’ve seen questions sent in by viewers on other topics. With all due respect, I’m feeling disappointed and mislead by the title of this video. 😕

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

Choose a relationship where there is mutual gratitude... you'll be chasing each other was the point.

❤

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

❤️

Don’t be judgmental, but then you took the piss out of someone’s profile photo?

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

I didn't say she was bad... that would have been judgmental

But Jonathan lol

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

Lol 😆

YOU DO NOT SMACK YOUR LIPS.

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

Good to know...

@truemorris6695

4 ай бұрын

I love you too!!! You’ve helped me❤❤❤

@truemorris6695

4 ай бұрын

I dont know what she’s talking about the lips

Hello Jonathan, I like your podcast however, am not enjoying coz you're not concise

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

Noted!

50% of the population is secure? Wishful thinking hahaha

@JonathonAslay

4 ай бұрын

I agree

@sherriflemming3218

4 ай бұрын

Indeed. Way off base with this statistic.

If you stop cussing and swearing... I will unsubscribe... 🤭

@JonathonAslay

21 сағат бұрын

Lol 😆