It's refreshing to hear such a kind, caring and compassionate explanation of procrastination; especially this time of year when people are already feeling bad for not "crushing" their goals. THANKS, Anna! 🙂

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

4 ай бұрын

Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@johnbolton2149

3 ай бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairycan u recommend any free services or ways to find some, where I can go and just dump my bottled, heavy, neglected thoughts and feelings one time and then go from there? I’m a 39 y/o single father of two teenage boys that’s worked desperately to not hurt them the way my dad hurt me. The physical abuse stopped at 16 y/o, but the verbal and emotional abuse never has. My dad’s personality is a mixture of Tr💩🍊p and Tony Soprano. If he’s not a sociopath, he’s the highest level of narcissistic w/ a lava hot temper that he feels entitled to unleash at any inconvenience or perceived slight. In conclusion I’ve been talking myself out of suicide almost daily for 32 yrs, which saps most of my energy, concentration, and self esteem.

@francesbernard2445

3 ай бұрын

That story being read out makes me feel angry about so many things. Angry most at the family court system with a bias towards women from a minority most. No matter what a mom does in a situation like that she is wrong according to a lot of people working in the court system except the odd judge around which costs a small fortune to see. A small fortune which is hard to get and all the more hard to pay off while being called a welfare mom who is neglecting their children while having to work more than one part time job which invollves having to work evenings and weekends too. That fellow is a brave while becoming like a super hero when it comes to knowing how to cope with disregulation. My guess is that he takes after his mother who is not automatic defective just for having a husband like that. Please tell him he is not less than in any way. Instead he is a hero type like Mrs. Lepine is. Instead of withdrawing from life while feeling total defeat while continuing to be a divorcee with an intimate association with a late killer mass murderer at Ecole Polytechniqure who was her son Mrs. Lepine went on the talk circuit to educate about how some young people end up carrying on the dysfunction one of their parents had while struggling with the rest of us who experience disregulation too.

@cmgweb6951

2 ай бұрын

So, maybe funny, though some maybe not. Glad this video is about procrastination. It's probably been open with (cough) "dozens" of other tabs I'm getting around to checking, again. (It's a LOT of dozens! lol) Anyway, I'm replying here due to @LedgerAndLace's comment about "crushing" goals. > I hear ya! If you look closely, many, if not most, of these 'performance' plans and schemes and philosophies use the verbiage of 'war' regularly. Crush your goals. Kill the competition. Destroy the barriers! It's gets to be a bit much! (It's only 13 minutes. I'll watch the video.....Now!)

I can so relate to this. I have trauma from a dysfunctional family. When I was growing up, my dad made me clean the bathroom or wash the dishes over and over and over if there was one little speck of dirt anywhere or if anything was out of place. My mother was always critical of me. I had a good paying job with good benefits for 42 years. I was a people pleaser and a perfectionist and would always go over and above what the job required. It all paid off, but I burned myself out. Now that I am retired, I have turned into a hermit, only do the minimum, do what I want when I want to do it. Life can really take a toll on us, but it is even more so if we have childhood PTSD. I'm 73. Thank you so much, Ms. Anna. I wish you had been around when I was younger. God bless you!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

4 ай бұрын

Glad you are here! Every day is worth living in the best way possible, so don't be discouraged by your age. You can still change your life for the better. Good luck! Nika@TeamFairy

@hildyali8941

4 ай бұрын

I read your comment Turner. If this is you b3 proud of what you have accomplished over the years because it was difficult. You are still young and have alot going for you especially since you are listen to these lessons on utube. I am also on a journey to heal. May each day get better and better for you

@todddanforth8853

3 ай бұрын

After having a good career I also am retired, a bit early, and now have pulled into my shell and don't do much of anything.

I have been struggling so much to get projects done and it has been so frustrating. I just want to have the ability to move forward, but I feel so frozen and struggle to make simple decisions. I can happily spend all day walking around outside, but when I return to the computer I feel so shut down

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

4 ай бұрын

We understand as few others can. You're in the right place and we're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@emvee6959

4 ай бұрын

I'm very much the same. Know that you are not alone

@nightsworer

4 ай бұрын

Same. I've been struggling for a long time wondering why.

@barefootjamie143

3 ай бұрын

Me too!! I have started a website to sell some stuff on and I freeze every time and then I found new things that needed doing as I still have not returned 4 months later 🙄 And don't get me started on paperwork 🫂😅

@indyd9322

3 ай бұрын

Something that I've found helpful when tasks feel overwhelming is to break down starting work into the tiny baby steps. Even something as simple as: turn on computer, find project x files, etc. Any action in the right direction helps, and once you're on a roll, there's no stopping you! 😉

I almost had a meltdown last night, I had a presentation for a class that I procrastinated on doing until the day of. I spent all day at work doing it, not even doing my actual job and completing blanked out when the lecturer asked me a question. All i could think was I had so much time to prepare properly but yet i waited too long. I'm tired of living like this😢

@MongoSlade84

3 ай бұрын

Never give up my friend

I have a PHD in procrastination and the projects started get about 7/8ths finished. I can literally show you more than 20 almost done projects. The “not finishing” is due to mom verbally tearing apart and criticizing EVERYTHING I did. So, if I don’t finish something it won’t be criticized.

@cindyleastorch194

4 ай бұрын

OMG! I have always had the problem of not finishing...even the dishes! I started asking myself why I did that with everything....reading books, crafts, painting a room,etc. I never knew it had anything to do with being raised by a narcissist! (Just started watching this and am reading comments)

@Lyrielonwind

4 ай бұрын

I have the same problem and now I'm wondering if I have attention deficit disorder. I dissociate to the point I wonder if I live on this planet. Always forgetting things...

@jshadow536

4 ай бұрын

I need to change the perspective from "finished" to I've finished the first step/phase just to trick myself into continuing. Beginning is really much harder for me though.

@aliceputt3133

4 ай бұрын

That’s a very astute realization. Thank you for sharing. ❤

@sandypage9995

3 ай бұрын

Wow huge realization when you said if I don't finish then I won't be criticized!

Everything you described is ME. My dog has saved me in that we have a schedule we do every day. He gets me out of that Freeze mode “. He gets me going when otherwise I would be in freeze mode all day

@helenatube

3 ай бұрын

That's beautiful, I'm happy for you both

@sunny3264

3 ай бұрын

Exactly the same for me! I've told several of my neighbors on our walk that very same thing, I'd never have the motivation to do it without my sweet little dog!😊

@Sassy-po1tp

3 ай бұрын

Yes! I’m so thankful for my fur babies because I can’t be stuck around them😊.

@g.t.g1111

2 ай бұрын

I’m still stuck with my little furry buddy! 😢

The letter that was read... This is the first time I've heard something so similar to my life. 😢 I'm 35 years old and am still so lonely in this world.

@mckennacreative6133

4 ай бұрын

Sending hugs to you. I struggle with loneliness too..

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

4 ай бұрын

I'm so glad you found the channel, our whole community is here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@PhD_inlaw

3 ай бұрын

I wish you get better ❤❤

@MissddStarr

3 ай бұрын

I'm so lonely too. I hope we both find peace ❤

@user-ue9kf8wy4s

3 ай бұрын

Me too, thought I wrote the letter for a minute there. Only difference was not going into military. Our family is almost non existent over it all, and I'm the only one helping with the burdens, even after my damage from being the scapegoat. At least I know now it's not just me

I am a master at procrastination. My mother told me I was lazy. All the time she called me that. I’m just today learning why I procrastinate. Had no idea I was in freeze mode. How freeing it is to get rid of the lie I’ve been told all my life that I’m just lazy.

@alison5009

3 ай бұрын

I hate the word lazy. Was called that by my father growing up. Tried very hard to please.

@rld1278

3 ай бұрын

Yeah. Was told that growing up. I freeze too. Even one sister picked up on how it's affected me thru life. I once had a counselor say to me, well maybe you are lazy...ugh. I didn't want to accept that. Still don't, but struggle anyway.

After years of therapy, I have finally discovered that I was conditioned into freeze mode. Growing up my stepmother (who also has deep issues of her own unfortunately) was of the idea that praising children was a bad thing, as in if you praise them, they will not work as hard. So, for every and any task she would only give criticism or harsh yelling, those were your choices. Looking back, it's not hard to believe that after years of critiques or discipline that procrastination and dormancy became my natural state, my inner child not wanting to do anything to avoid getting criticized or worse. I can empathize and relate to everything Jacob had to say. I am just now overcoming this using EMDR, meditation, journaling and exercise (I started boxing and love it). Awareness and knowing freeze mode is not your natural state is the first step. Why would you avoid things that are good for you or move you forward (another mind-blowing thought, recently discovered)? I hope this helps someone struggling with this, don't give up and healing is possible. There is always hope!

@aliceputt3133

4 ай бұрын

The boxing is a great idea to release emotions stuck in the body that you had to repress. Everyone has all their emotions, but it’s not safe to experience some of them around dysfunctional parents.

@jimmorrissey9392

3 ай бұрын

You have helped me. Thank you ❤️

@SweetUniverse

3 ай бұрын

I know that one! If you praise that kid you're going to spoil him/ her! I won the school spelling bee when I was in 5th grade & no one said a thing. At one point my I.Q. was tested- twice. It might have been because I wasn't doing any school work. No one at home ever mentioned school work. I was never praised for testing out ahead of my classes so I just quit. Why try? I thought I was stupid until I found out my IQ is 133. I also found a good teacher in 11th grade & became auto-didactic.

This! This is what I've been waiting for all along it seems. I am a master procrastinator and my therapist once asked me to examine how my procrastination could be a trauma response. And I had a hard time wrapping my head around this. All I ever did was fail and then call myself lazy while being consumed with guilt that I was squandering life's opportunities and hence adding layers of the shame of unfulfilled potential.

@Cynthia-Landers

3 ай бұрын

OMG my heart pounded with recognition reading this! You just described ME

@vivekamar99

3 ай бұрын

​@@Cynthia-LandersI'm glad that this resonated with you. I hope that you'll be able to take steps necessary for your healing. I wish you well.

I relate to this a lot! I am stuck in freeze responses too from decades of having to be perfect so I don't get yelled at or criticized. Recently I purchased a calligraphy set because I wanted to learn how to write all fancy like and because I wanted to improve my handwriting. I was excited about my purchase at first. Then it sat on my dresser. And sat. And sat. My drive to do it dissipated, and I couldn't quite understand why I had been so thrilled at first and then avoided it like the plague. I love fancy pens and ink. I can improve my handwriting! I can come up with a style all my own that's modern but also medieval. THINGS THAT ARE MY THING! I've been called lazy so many times. I have frozen up. I have kept myself from trying new things, which was one of my goals after my divorce to get my life back. The letter writer said a lot of things I have said myself, almost verbatim. I'm not lazy. I'm soul-deep exhausted after four decades of nonstop abuse from my "loved ones." I keep trying to do better and improve in other ways, and I meet continual resistance. EVERYTHING is a struggle. Breaking the perfectionism curse is difficult. I try. I just...can't. I can chip away at it, but the moment something triggers me, I spiral back down into depression and dysregulation. It's my trauma brain. It's my nervous system being completely shot. My counselor and I talked about perhaps getting me in some harder therapy. She thinks EMDR will help, and I'm so desperate to move on from this horrible mire that I have called the local mental health center and asked if they could help me. I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want to be stuck. For the first time in my life, I want to ENJOY being alive. Hang in there and don't give up on yourself, survivors. You're worth so much more than the life that was forced upon you by people who didn't care enough about themselves to care about you. Thank you, Anna!

@amymarchandcollins6338

3 ай бұрын

“I’m not lazy. I’m soul deep exhausted.” Yes! I resonate with everything you said, but especially this. ❤

@moocrazytn

3 ай бұрын

I really want to try EMDR, too. After being released from a mental hospital (I asked to be admitted due to crippling anxiety), I was told they saved that for veterans. I'm still hoping to find someone in my city who can help. Best wishes to you! ❤

@spacegirl226

3 ай бұрын

@@moocrazytn This mental health system (if you can call it that) is crazy broken. I hope you can get the help you need, and just because you aren't a combat veteran doesn't mean you shouldn't be given access to a therapy that could help you. It goes to show that these "doctors" and shrinks are so far behind the times. I did go to the mental health center in my town and was told that they didn't have anyone who specialized in EMDR. So that's probably a dead end for me. I had a terrible experience with a state-run system last decade, and I imagine being in a new state with another government funded and run system will be similar. Whatever happens to you, don't give up! Somehow, some way, find the help. Best of luck and best wishes to you as you recover.

@spacegirl226

3 ай бұрын

@@amymarchandcollins6338 I can completely empathize. I hope you can find your peace and some much needed rest.

@alison5009

3 ай бұрын

@@moocrazytnkeep pushing! It’s not just for traumatized vets, though it has helped them. You deserve care just like anyone else with trauma.

I can totally relate to this freeze response and procrastination. My mom was extremely verbally abusive. She would yell and scream at me and my sisters, and once she told us she wished she’d never had children. Except my sisters were able to run down the hall to their bedrooms. My bedroom was downstairs and my mom was blocking the stairs. She would have those yelling/screaming moments and then she would go to her bedroom and cry to my dad, and then she would apologize and want to hug me. It was all too much for me and I stopped letting her hug me. I got very good at sensing when she was going to try to hug me, and I always found a way to escape. Now I struggle with keeping my apartment tidy and clean. I also struggle with hoarding. Me and my sisters were also abused by a babysitter and when we told our parents about it they decided to her another chance. But she did the same thing and my sister managed to get to the phone and call our parents at their Bible study group. We never had that babysitter again, but the damage was already done. I feel very unsafe in the world. I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and wherever I go I develop a friendship with someone who becomes my “favourite person.” I get over attached to that person, and ironically that person becomes the only person I feel safe enough with to hug. And I get obsessed with wanting hugs from that person. The only time I really feel safe is when I am being held in my favourite person’s arms.

@apekshatiwari9290

4 ай бұрын

I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. I don’t know what else to say.

@pukuipz

4 ай бұрын

I know you suffer. May expressing yourself relieve some of your suffering. I'm glad that you're aware of potentially traumatic events that happened to you. Through those realizations, I have faith that you will heal.

@sreddy914

3 ай бұрын

I've had extreme childhood trauma too. Eventually lost my parents and grandparents by 40. Only child. Constantly abused by parents siblings wanting to take over my house etc. I've had crippling rage wanting to kill them for the injustice. Grief over my isolation. For about 5 years I have consistently meditated and I've had rare fleeting breakthroughs of such peace and tranquility that I finally let go of the grief of losing my parents and ending up alone. Nothing in life is chaos .. its a path..your path ..to your higher self.. hope you get there. I'm now working on healing the rage I feel for the abusive extended family..

When I graduated from high school I felt like a great weight was lifted, like I beat the endgame and my reward is doing what I always wanted: playing video games all day. Deluded myself that getting a degree in game art & design, procrastinated, realized it's not what I want to do, quit with over $50k debt, and just spent 4 years playing video games...till I looked at myself and determined this can't go on. I have zero motivation, I just wanna earn enough money to support my hobbies. Though now, I just wanna be able to move out.

Fired from my job after 30 years while watching my brother being slowly eaten away by cancer (passed away in December 2023 at 53 yearsold). Between struggling with work stress and finally losing my job and then my brother (the only person that I could talk to and seemed to understand me) I am stuck. Can't leave the house, sleeping all day, letting everything fall apart. Trying to get myself motivated but always seem to stop before I get started and accomplish nothing.

@Peace-tk3gr

2 ай бұрын

Sounds like clinical depression. 😐

@zz-ic6vy

2 ай бұрын

You should see a doctor. Please get some help, you deserve to feel better 🙏

@IratherservetheLord

2 ай бұрын

Prayers to you❤

Going outside does help quite a lot, but it's not getting me past this underachievement problem.

I have problems with procra.....Ill finish this comment tomorrow.Maybe.

@lizfountain2067

3 ай бұрын

Made me laugh out loud..😅 Thank you!!

@sunny3264

3 ай бұрын

😅

@Peace-tk3gr

2 ай бұрын

😂

@jld75-75

Ай бұрын

😂

No one truly changes because we shame them to do so. Why would it work for us as individuals? We have to be compassionate with ourselves and understand that just because we haven’t taken advantage of every opportunity doesn’t mean we don’t deserve more or that we won’t take advantage of the next. The past does not dictate the future. We’ve got this, people. One step at a time.

@alison5009

3 ай бұрын

Wow. I loved this comment. Thank you @alexarobinson2850!

Thank you to everyone being vulnerable and sharing their experience in the comments. I've been feeling so ashamed about this but seeing others going through it too feels like we are sharing the weight and that is bringing me some relief. I'm worried that I'll never be able to care for myself if I can't get out of freeze mode and stay employed. I don't want to be this way. I want to be a normal, functioning adult. I finally wrote out daily routines to follow - really basic stuff - and I'm seeing some success, though I feel stupid needing it. I'm not optimistic but I keep trying because what else is there to do.

@annemurphy8074

4 ай бұрын

With this healing work, slow is fast. Don't give up.

@billbucktube

4 ай бұрын

All of us are both victim and happy recipient of our family of origin’s culture. Only about 5% of families are healthy in their child raising paradigm. This is not to beat up on families, it is to say that we are likely to have some rough places that need some sanding. Every time we improve our condition it is a step forward both for ourselves and the family of man. There are no microwave solutions to crockpot problems. Slow progress IS progress. Love yourself enough to accept yourself where you are while lovingly encouraging your growth..

@ellotheregovna401

4 ай бұрын

I feel the same concerns. I wish us both luck.

@billbucktube

4 ай бұрын

All of us are both victim and happy recipient of our family of origin’s culture. Only about 5% of families are healthy in their child raising paradigm. This is not to beat up on families, it is to say that we are likely to have some rough places that need some sanding. Every time we improve our condition it is a step forward both for ourselves and the family of man. There are no microwave solutions to crockpot problems. Slow progress IS progress. Love yourself enough to accept yourself where you are while lovingly encouraging your growth.

@ellotheregovna401

3 ай бұрын

I came back to this comment to tell you something that occurred to me about my own situation: “Why am I shaming myself for struggling?” If my mental health makes me dissociate and causes me to be late to something-why should I hate myself over it? Why do I feel self-disgust when I sleep in late because I couldn’t unfreeze long enough to go to bed at a reasonable time? Why am I punishing myself for having a hard time? Thinking these things in the moment helps melt that self-judgement and shame for me.

There are stretches and music that helps regulate the vagus nerve. The breathing, foot stomping thing works as a release value at the time of stress but training that nerve to tone down stops you from feeling panicked in the first place. I can't recommend it enough.

@clairecarscallen2925

3 ай бұрын

Can you give me a link to any of these exercises? I have a severe vagus nerve syndrome which has plagued me all my life but not discovered until about 10 years ago, when I passed out 3 times in a year, and underwent tests. I have to be very careful with many things: staying hydrated, eating enough, never eating too much at once, avoiding heat and cold, avoiding standing too long, etc.

I am 55 years old and grew up in the deep DEEP south. I was a latchkey kid who was both physically and sexually abused by various family members. When I told my family about the sexual abuse( physical abuse was at the hands of my mother almost daily) at 15 they basically abandoned me and treated it like it was an affair. I've been in and out of therapy my entire life and always wondered why I struggle to accomplish tasks when it's something I enjoy like painting or writing. I was in the military and a trauma /ED RN for decades and was able to do well. Why can't I get my projects done at home?! Finding out that I'm not a lazy POS is kind of nice. Thank you so much.😊

@nancyayotte2297

3 ай бұрын

I remember pretty clearly when my mom asked me if I knew what a procrastinator was. I think I was about 11. I'm now 58 and stuck in freeze mode. PTSD from SA at about 14 by my brother in law. It was never acknowledged by my family just swept under the rug and I had a loving dysfunctional family. The shame this caused me at 14 and all alone dealing with my feelings rotted inside me to this day. I struggle with just moving on or actually facing what happened somehow. I wanted someone to acknowledge what happened to me and understand it may have really screwed me up. I used to have nightmares that I'd scream and no one can hear me😢.

@tonyagibbs1963

3 ай бұрын

I struggle with doing things that are supposed to be enjoyable, too. 💜

My ears pricked up when you mentioned the most important thing to do to get out of freeze mode because I have spent most of my life hiding away inside of freeze but when you said it was to go outside and move your body around I thought that is absolutely the last thing I would want to do. My family laugh at me and say I am like a cat who never wants to go out the door into the backyard or front yard. I know it is a bit silly but I am actually AFRAID to do it. Can you offer me any suggestions to get started? And thanks very much for your video 🌸

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

4 ай бұрын

Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD. Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Nika@TeamFairy

@cherylj7460

3 ай бұрын

And if you want inspiration to go outside, I would ask if you like animals. Squirrels, birds, etc. If so, feeding them or just watching them.

This is exactly what I’m going through right now. I’ve been working on an independent project for more than a decade. World class stuff. Been burning through it like a machine. But now that it’s time to get a non-fiction literary agent? Completely shut down. I remember freezing up like this decades ago in high school. And it just confirms that my recliner is my Number One Enemy. I sink into that thing and it’s Game Over.

OMG, this is so me. Senior exec but I manage to do massive spurts at work. Talented in so many places but paralyzed.

I relate to this one big time. Same parental environment, same isolation and inability to develop social or practical skills. Crippling fear of failure and rejection, to where the fears guarentee the failure and the rejection. I wish him the best

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

4 ай бұрын

I'm so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Thank you Anna. You have no idea how your work has helped me to make sense of the many side effects of trauma. Thank you..

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

4 ай бұрын

I'm so glad the channel has been helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy

My lifetime of feeling 'not good enough', including trauma-caused negative programming in all areas...is changing for the better in these last years of my journey. Yet, despite much progress and healing, the 'collection' of things best let go of still haunts me. I have no reserve energy on any level to bounce back from what others would deem minor bumps in the road; and major ones devestate me for months. Your videos are always helpful; and I welcome even a temporary boost of attitude and spirit.

@alison5009

3 ай бұрын

You will get there! The reserve energy to be resilient/bounce back leaves me but as I get better, I know I’m able to accomplish more and more in life. Thank you for your comment. It really resonates with so many.

This woman is better than therapists I’ve seen at explaining how emotional abuse & isolation affects adulthood. I was called lazy & stupid & isolated as a kid & still freeze and very indecisive.

I used to struggle with this and very ritualized OCD. I didn’t ever understand what was wrong with me until about 2014 when I heard some tv doctor talking about these behaviors and recognized them in myself. I was stuck since childhood and was in my 50 when I heard it. I never went to therapy as I thought it was too late. But just knowing there was a name to my pain helped me understand what was happening. I have pulled myself out of both and am better now than I ever have been. I would strongly recommend people get professional help as to not suffer for decades ❤

I've been struggling with this for so long. I had a hypercritical father growing up and I think I have given up now. I am very talented and very smart but these days I feel like I just wanna sit in my bed and fail. I am self sabotaging and it really hurts

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

4 ай бұрын

We absolutely understand. Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD. Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Nika@TeamFairy

The letter from the man who was raised in the rural setting reminds me of my husband. He, and his siblings for the most part, were just low pay farm crew. The narcissist Dad called the shots and all of their social activities revovled around the church. When they weren't at church, they were working on the farm. When my husband became an adult, he worked full time on his own but was still expected to work another eight hour shift overnight disking the vineyard so Daddy could rest. We got married and moved away. My husband still acts oddly when around his family as they all compete to please Daddy. I haven't seen any of them for ten years and doubt I'll ever go there again. It's so sad. He has no real father figure. My Dad loved him and they go along so well, but he died and it really left my husband alone. I resent his parents for how they raised him and treated him and I'll resent them til the day they both kick off.

Whenever i was having fun or laughing as a kid i was always shamed and told to "be normal." My "upbringing" was basically instilling this idea that i could never accomplish anything on my own and therefore always had to do exactly as teachers and employers told me to. I have absolutely no sense of self and hate my life.

@MadisonMay33

Ай бұрын

I can relate to this.

Thank you, Anna! This fits me completely. And I concur- going outside seems to break the spell! Even opening a window!

For Jacob, almost every town has a local Chamber of Commerce filled with people who mostly all face the same struggles with running a business. With or without childhood trauma, connecting with fellow business owners can ease the implicit loneliness that comes from being an entrepreneur. Sending good vibes!

00:00 🧠 Understanding procrastination in individuals with childhood PTSD is crucial; it's not merely laziness or a character flaw. 03:37 🚨 Trauma in the past, like chronic abuse, can lead to nervous system changes, causing individuals to enter "Freeze" mode, hindering productivity. 10:02 🌊 "Freeze mode" or underfunctioning is a common challenge for those with complex PTSD, affecting work and daily life. 28:39 🔄 Consider delegating prospecting tasks; not everyone is naturally inclined for sales, and partnering or hiring for such roles can be beneficial. 44:52 🏞 Overcoming freeze mode: outdoor activities, a morning routine, and simple practices like cold water exposure can help regulate the nervous system. 57:45 🤝 Connect with others, join support groups, and build a positive network to combat isolation and facilitate goal alignment.

@bobmathews9072

4 ай бұрын

The video is only 13:46 long ??

@DaveE99

3 ай бұрын

I noticed that the outside hose in Febuary and other parts of winter, that water comes out of ground at 45°. Then I plugged a hose in it and a nozzle on other side and was able to fill the 🛀 and I didn’t need ice. 🧊 Just unhook hose when done so that it dosent freeze with hose. But you can use it at certain times and heck, if I could I’d just have a trough outside that I’d put a bunch of salt in and kinda just jump into when I needed

I have engaged in fight,flight,freeze and fawn...

Thank you for posting on this topic. I've been struggling through the same issue and couldn't understand what was happening to me. I've been doing a lot of inner work for years and have accomplished a lot. Then, out of nowhere I'd become parlayed with fear and unable to take action. My egg donor is a narcissist who always needed to be the center of attention and hated my guts. I was always getting compliments on things I'd done which would cause her to fly into a violent rage once we'd get home, which resulted in a beating.. She used to tell me that all the time she hated me and was going to kill me. Like the man in this video, I'm super talented but always feel like I'm not good enough and then inspiration and desire will dissappear. I use visualization to overcome issues. Knowing where the trauma is hiding in my body gives me a starting point. This video is truly a blessing ❤ Thank you🙏

I feel like I could’ve wrote this. Other than the military and family business part. Very isolated in a rural area, no outside activities. Church we kept to ourselves. But I also didn’t know how to connect with others. Always felt like an outsider. I was always shy, quiet, introverted with very little sense of self or discernment. I let people treat me however they wanted since I was stuck in freeze. When I drank as a teen that freeze thawed and turned into fight. Took me till age 28 to get sober. (33 years old now) I’m now in school getting straight A’s and hoping to start a business soon. Some part of me thinks I’m trying to prove my worth and can now find myself in an urgent flight response mixed in with shutdown or procrastination since I get overwhelmed fairly easily. Or putting myself out there is too vulnerable or fear of being rejected or misunderstood. Working with an EMDR therapist to work out my blocks. So expensive and slow process but I’m trying to trust the process.

I did intense therapy, released my trauma and now I don’t have to take ADHD meds anymore. My ability to focus and my executive functioning is better than ever! I’m better without meds than I even was when I was in meds!

@DaveE99

3 ай бұрын

Did you actually have adhd, like is it genetic in your family? I know a lot of us have trauma, though I didn’t expect my adhd just to disappear but executive function would be better

@alison5009

3 ай бұрын

@@DaveE99wondering too, as my sister, mother, and daughter have adhd.

@DTrainsWife01

3 ай бұрын

That’s a fair question. It’s absolutely genetic. Mom, grandmom and great-grandmom all had it. My two sons and several cousins have it as well.

@DTrainsWife01

3 ай бұрын

@@DaveE99 My ADHD definitely did not disappear but like you said my executive functioning is MUCH better! I am 50 years old. I’ve been trying to use the strategies I’ve learned forever. Now I can actually use them 😃

@DTrainsWife01

3 ай бұрын

@@alison5009 yes i definí have it. Still have it. It’s genetic especially in my maternal line. My symptoms are just much better since healing the trauma. AND it’s important to note I have been learning strategies that help me.

I have been studying this condition since the early 80s. Started with the Alice Miller books. Lots of people can do a good job describing this condition accurately. Not one has a good solution for healing this condition! People just do not take this condition seriously enough! I am 74. I will die with this condition.

I have a viscious cycle between over functioning and perfectionism, and underfunctioning and overwhelm which make me procrastinate. I think I have to function perfectly and over function, be productive all the time or else its not good enough and theres no point because I'll just fail anyway. I see theres need for rest also but I end up resting to much because I know I cant function well enough anyway 😢 it feels pretty manic in a way. I'm just now seeing this in myself at age 38.. Its a false belief, I Can function well enough! The false belief is only perfect is well enough! I am going through some very challenging crisis with a nach ex and coparent with the cps involved and I can't afford to procrastinate and not function well enough anymore, I'm so glad I'm finally seeing this pattern and perfectionist false belief! ❤

@DaveE99

3 ай бұрын

It. Can be helpful to scientifically know what qualifies as rest, as it’s not the things people typically control their nervous system with. And media consumption just shuts down the amygdala and suppresses emotions instead of letting us process them. Just fyi

I've stalled completely on planning and organising things for my own birthday coming up - because fear of 'being seen', fear of sharing my space with new people, fear of family expectation to do something with them....A bunch of things suddenly popped up as soon as I started taking it seriously (first time I've considered a gathering in my home in years). So I can't even pretend it's laziness about working hard this time! Trying to take some restorative time to check in with myself about it...

I have given up on relationships too...

@freyavikinggoddess

4 ай бұрын

I'm so sorry that you have this mindset - which I have, also. But I just wanted to say never give up hope. We are, all of us, here for a reason and are important. I wish you all the best. 🤍💙🧿

@tomtbi

4 ай бұрын

@@freyavikinggoddess thanks!

@freyavikinggoddess

4 ай бұрын

@@tomtbi Of course...🤍💙🧿

Hi Anna, I have been practicing the ‘daily practice’ for about a week, also with some meditation, but not every day, sometimes my mind wandered away, I have got to call it back. I also remind myself to be aware, to be positive, to stay calm, and do not act impulsively. I believe these are working, I am feeling better now, better than before, but I still have to work more on fears and anxiety. I believe I can handle. Thank you. Btw, I still need your support.🙏🏻

Something I realized today is that asking myself over and over why I’m not doing what I know to need to do, but instead ask what tiny steps I can take to get moving. These are great suggestions:)

Cold showers in the morning are helping me a lot. And thank you for mentioning the fact that coaching is not really equipped for people with PTSD...this has been my problem too, I no longer want to beat myself down for not getting things done but rather build tools to overcome it.

Quite a similar situation, for me, especially childhood, adolescent and as a young man- yet my F is Fight. And no, I haven’t sued anyone.. I get into a “beast/fight/kill” mode from the most trivial of things said to me, or most conversational encounters with other people. I was lucky enough to be successful despite of it. And tons of self work, which had minor real benefits- until the past few years. I had a meteoric career in the army and private security. But I was unhappy. I left it all to take care and work with disabled people. Now I’m 14 years after that big change, I did and doing very well in my new profession(therapist🤷🏼‍♂️)- and I still have that internal reaction, every day and in most situations of my life. It is hard, and it is draining…

The only thing I know how to do is WORK. I'm retired from my teaching career, but have been working 25 to 35 hours a week at two part-time jobs for 6 years. I recently quit my latest job because of toxic, horrible working conditions. I believe quitting was a good thing, but I feel like I have fallen off a cliff. There are many projects around my apartment that I could/should be doing. I'm considering moving to another state with a lower cost of living where I won't have to work anymore. My son and his wife already live there, and want me to join them. But I'm frozen! I can't seem to do anything! I need to be cleaning and organizing to get ready for a possible move, but I'm frozen. I've looked for a new part-time job. There's not much available. I've applied for a few, but never hear back. I've thought of starting a tutoring business (I'm a retired teacher), but I lack confidence, and don't know where to start. I'm praying for guidance, etc., but continue to be stuck.

I'll read the comments while the vid is playing so I won't have to listen, absorb the information. Then write this comment. Then save the vid to watch later. Because I really need to watch this vid because im frozen again. Then it will get pushed down under other watch later vids. That I will never watch. Then I will stop the video so I can search for a vid to help. Then I will repeat. Oh geez 🤦

@stewartreid2981

3 ай бұрын

You am I

I read some of these comments. They brought tears to my eyes in memory of how life was a child. I remember getting up for chores @ 4am every morning. If i didnt get all the chores done on time i had to hitch hike to school. Come home from school; do the chores all over again and try find time for homework. Then get beat with anythig from a piece of hose to a broken fence post because it wasnt done the way it should have been. I was so sore sometimes i was in agony setting in school. Ive dealt with undone projects my whole life. Procrastination and perfectionism has nearly ruined me. Ive tried everything. Ive come a long way in adulthood but i still have a reem of multiple projects that are incomplete and my organizational skills are a mess.

@DChristina

3 ай бұрын

That’s Terrible- so sorry that happened to you. 🙏🏼❤️

I have a creative side to me... I prepare projects ready for execution. But then I don't actually do the execution. In case I do it wrong. In case I don't like the result. Or maybe because others won't like. I have many such projects just sitting there waiting for the never never. Another thing stopping me is that I live surrounded by things, to many things. In isolation they are lovely things but now it's just madness. But I'm frozen to my seat unable to get rid because by themselves they are lovely. Frozen into inactivity.

@clairecarscallen2925

3 ай бұрын

Every bit of this sounds familiar. So many and unfinished creative projects, or even unstarted, and so many lovely objects, many in cupboards unseen and unappreciated.

This is so good Anna, thank you! I'm a Bible based trauma and chronic pain recovery coach, medical intuitive and manual therapist with a medical background and 30 years experience. To say that some people aren't cut out for sales is an understatement, lol. And also, I agree completely, we can learn so much from free business and coaching on youtube, from low cost books, etc. I'm using them! Progress is slow and mostly internal at this point, but I have a lifetime of being gaslit from family, ex's, colleagues, even pastors to recover from, and I've made tremendous progress, so can help others now. Just thanks for your amazing, heartfelt, authentic example. Peace and blessings!

This was powerful, thank you. I have described myself as being in obstrich mode ❤

I find hobbies helpful,like my model car building hobby... It also brings me a lot of satisfaction and works wonders for my self esteem!!

Thank you. I realize that I have been in freeze mode since I was in the hospital and had to go into independent living facility where I shared a room with 3 other people who had various issues. I totally withdrew into myself and cut them out as best as I could (which is very good) as I used to do this when I was a child in my room while my parents were screaming. I’m realizing that I slipped back into this again now. It’s been 4 years since I’ve escaped from that place into my own apartment but I am still frozen and overwhelmed. What you said about the freeze mode is it. Thanks.

Oh my goodness, this letter could have been me writing to you, many aspects are very similar. From your videos I learned I have CPTSD, I have lived this way for too may years. I have began working through your videos and use your daily process to begin to heal. Your guidance is changing my perceptions and I am healing. This video is of great help to me, as I have a couple little businesses that are not really doing anything, as I, too, am in "freeze mode". I am grateful to have found you, and Patrick Teahan, as well.

Makes a lot of sense. So grateful for this channel❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

4 ай бұрын

Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

I don’t know how you’re doing it, but every word from your mouth describes my life. I’ve been in a rather dark place lately and in the past 15 hours, I’ve listened to several of your videos and they’ve helped me shift a little bit because I’m hearing my story in your story and that of others. There’s an explanation for why my life has been the way it’s been and it gives me a pinch of hope that things will get better. While I can’t afford therapy now, I’m going to use the tools that I’m learning from these videos to work through some of this. Journaling is becoming a part of my daily life. Reshaping and reframing it all will help me get to the other side. Thank you for these videos and your work. They stopped some of my funky thinking.

Totally needed to hear this right now . I have been struggling lately with doing what I need and want to do with somethings, and feel bad like I am letting some people down. But things have been rough with some unhealthy family issues that have worn me out. I miss my more outgoing adventurous self. I feel like my personality gets extinguished around my family too. Working on regulating activities and taking myself back. Thank you. ❤

I appreciate this explanation and practical tools suggested. I even get hard on myself about needing them, too... as though i'm somehow 'wasting time' . Kind of get stuck in a loop

I have this & my youngest daughter has the same problem as me. ( she jokes that she “inherited” this trait from me ) and she’s a pack rat like me too. Moving is a complete terror for us. 💔👵🏼🥲I unfortunately passed my “trauma “onto my 3 adult kids. I didn’t realize I had done this to my kids til they would bring up past trauma that I caused having no idea I did this to my kids. I’ve tried to make amends , acknowledged my part in their trauma, apologized to all 3. Breaks my heart cuz @62 blocked the trauma we went thru 35 yrs ago. As well as my childhood trauma. Glad I found your channel. My Eldest sent you to us ( my youngest daughter & I ) not knowing I found you a week earlier running in my You Tube feed channels.Thank You! I’m still learning . One Step at a time. Love your channel !❤🥰👵🏼

I have my morning and night routine that I try to follow. I'm also getting out sometimes, but I don't like it. It's not that I don't like being outside, I just don't like the feeling I have after I come back. Even if I feel more regulated during the walk, after I come back I always feel stuck. I can't concentrate, my head feels heavy and all I feel like doing is just watching youtube shorts all time long until it's late at night, I realise that I should have studied and I wasted all day on doing a little bit of actual self care, 90% on avoiding my tasks or freezing over them and the rest of time on studying because OMG IT'S SO LATE I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING. I have no idea what to do with this. These days I found somatic meditation kinda helpful to be outside of my head, but after I still feel as if I have to come back to my usual habits (distracting and numbing with my phone)

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

4 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Daily Practice can help with procrastination by giving you clarity about what’s most important to do today. You can try it here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

Love this brief but powerful and information-rich video. Problems with lack of confidence and motivation seem to be on the increase lately, and I plan to share this with a few of my acquaintances who are in a bind and struggling right now.

Another perfectly timed video! I feel encouraged by Jacob's letter because he is not so frozen he is not trying things, like coaching, etc. I am so frozen I can't bring myself to do the Daily Practice of even go outside for a walk. I think I need the Dysregulation Bootcamp.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

4 ай бұрын

We're all sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy

Saved this to my watch later list, I am sure it will be helpful!

This is me! Anna is so kind and so extremely helpful and insightful!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

4 ай бұрын

Thank you for your kind words! I'm glad the video was helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Been procrastinating listening to this video 😂

@mckennacreative6133

4 ай бұрын

Mee too. I often procrastinate with things that are good for me but at the wrong time. Getting off here now to work on my project. Lol. Need to Be kind to ourselves. .

I have had 2 days of freeze and now I’m off to bed! Tmrw is a new day 😊

Such a good video , thank you

I could relate so much to this letter. I grew up on a large farm where us kids were basically slave labour. We were told we had to ''earn our keep'. No dinner unless all our work was all done. Lots of long hard days , no holidays as summer was harvest time and sheep shearing time. Milking the cows before school, feeding the pigs etc etc. No thanks , no pay , no social life. A nasty and highly critical mother and passive father who also did what he was told. I often go into a freeze state when I'm stressed. I work really hard to please people as I was made to believe I was worthless and a burden.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 ай бұрын

If you haven't already, try Anna's Daily Practice. It is a good tool to help with getting regulated. You can try it in the free course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

Wow… I just found your channel and I’m so blown away by this video. This is me and explains so much and my childhood. Can you suffer from both flight and freeze mode? I seem to display both of those behavior patterns. I am so grateful for having found your channel and I cannot wait to view more of your videos. Thank you with all of my heart for creating this space of healing.

I absolutely love you, Anna & your channel!! ❤🤗🧚🏼‍♀️ Since finding you only a short while ago, I've changed therapists(if I had only one year to heal...) & am now getting much-needed help for CPTSD alongside your inspiration!!! This topic of procrastination/freezing is so on point for me & I just recently discovered an excellent book addressing this that may be helpful for others: "The Science of Stuck: Breaking Through Inertia to Find Your Path Forward" ~Britt Frank, LSCSW. You, Anna, have been life-changing for me & I am so very GRATEFUL!!! ❤️🙏🏼

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

4 ай бұрын

Wow, I'm so glad the channel has been helpful! Thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Oh my goodness! This is me! Thank you so much! Trust is very big for me now. I have an iPhone & go to local library to print pages I want to document! Gave up on FB & am in my own little world. I am 68, never too late !

Thankyou so much. You've just made sense of my life. I feel sad that I've been so down on myself - that can stop now. It also makes sense of why working hard in my garden has felt so healing - it wasn't just a guilty escape from what I 'should' be doing

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 ай бұрын

Glad the video was helpful! Thank you for watching. Nika@TeamFairy

I truly enjoyed watching this video. It cleared up a lot of the questions I had regarding a loved one. The question now is, how do I get that person to watch this video.

I needed this today... Thank you!!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

4 ай бұрын

Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

AWow, this is me, a sibling and two cousins! Acting upon your advice (particularly working the ACA program) is helping me close the gap that counseling and so Many self-care regimens just could Not.

@cindyj5522

4 ай бұрын

Sorry...I must have missed something...can you elaborate on "the ACA program?" Thx.

@Tichaba124

4 ай бұрын

Adult Children of Alcoholics

I also was used as child labor and something that really helps me is just grounding laying in the grass under some shade on a sunny day and being allowed to be still and enjoy the outside. It's like taking my life back getting to do the very thing I wasn't able to do. I hope that helps for the one who wrote the letter.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

17 күн бұрын

Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy

Unfortunately won’t be working with my amazing psychologist anymore 😢. Really appreciating these vids and the familiarity of you ❤❤❤❤

Thank you 🙏🏾 so much for sharing and educating us. Like Jacob I had abusive parents and joined the Marine Corps at 18 where I flourished. Marrying a narcissist sociopath at age 20 was certainly my downfall. I’m in the middle of a divorce from him however he’s a stalker, a thief and a diagnosed narcissist sociopath with no life. Time on his hands and no conscience. Abuse is not something people understand…when you’ve separated and paid for the divorce (still in court) and you’ve done all the protective orders, police reports, security cameras, security monitoring, motion detectors, window sensors, dead bolt locks, back to court to show cause and just want to be left alone you’d think help was out there but it’s not. Domestic abuse is slipping through the cracks. No one helps they just tell you to all the things I’ve already done.

This couldn t have come in a better time. Somehow, Fairy, through your chanel you give us a lot of answers.😢

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

4 ай бұрын

I'm so glad the channel has been helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy

My body often froze in bed at night during childhood, getting numb. I had never help, the few psychologist I met even didn't understand developmental trauma . I had social fear with exceptions. I don't know what it is that I fear some ppl some not. I appear totally different as I created a personality trade to survive. I always went into situation which I feared but I put lot of stress on me and my system slowly collapsed at age 30, 10 yrs later I was retired due to ME/CFS and FM. I was both...overactive and freezing, withdrawing myself. I love to move, I love backpacking, but can't anymore. I spend lot if time because of pain and fatique. I was always happy in other countries and never had fear while travelling, in the contrary I was gery adventerous..around 7 yrs alltogether. Never understood why I didn't emigrate, but hope I still make it as I suffer from the cold. Spoiled lifes😢

Truly, your content are so important to me. Thank you for sharing and continuing your blessing work

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Ай бұрын

You are so welcome! We appreciate you here! Nika@TeamFairy

Thank you 🙏 I have had these issues and now I feel the light 💡 come on !! I’m so excited 😆 I am going keep listening and working on myself for bless !

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 ай бұрын

That's amazing! You got this :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Thank you. This video taught me that I’m in freeze mode. Now I understand and can research this more. I will start some of your suggestions today. Again, thank you!

My thought was as a child he was trained to do work and be productive while being yelled at. His brain has been wired to be productive under stress not under relaxation.

Jacob, You are not alone in how you feel. My father was not in my life, and my mother was an unmedicated bipolar. Growing up in dysfunction, but having your own business means that you are a survivor. The other people you feel are better than you, might not have been able to achieve your level of success had they experienced all the negative things you experienced growing up. Anna, this is the first time I've watched one of your videos. I will be subscribing and watching more. I had to help nurse my mom while she was in hospice care. She died in 2022, I retired at 61 because I just could not focus on my job anymore. I have always been a terrible procrastinator, but now I am definitely stuck and feeling very worthless.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 ай бұрын

Thank you for watching and for subscribing! You may like Daily Practice (a free course). It can help with procrastination by giving you clarity about what’s most important to do today. It is also a great way to process fears and resentment: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

I've heard that a lot of successful people in sales do uppers. I don't know how true that is and I'm not recommending that it be done, but I've heard that it's common. One of my friends who made 6 figures in sales while running her own business told me she couldn't have done it without adderall. It gave her the confidence and aggressive edge she needed in sales while giving her tons of energy to power through high work loads. Most people who use uppers as performance enhancers burn out eventually. My friend said she eventually burned out, but that she did made tons of money before she burned out, and it was enough to last her for a decade.

Thank you for all your wonderful content!! Fight, flight, freeze and fawn… Would you be willing to talk more about fawning? Thank you so much for all you give!!

Thank you Anna!

Fairy Goddess. What a comfort❤❤❤

Hi all..I’m back on meds and therapy and glad to see this video about this..Freezing up and avoiding I know so very well..Thank you Anna and big ❤️ to all in the same boat..🇬🇧🇺🇸👍

I’m so glad I clicked on this video! Thank you 🙏

I already know this will be profoundly beneficial for me within 5 min. Thank you!

Thank you so so much for these videos they give me hope

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

4 ай бұрын

We're all sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy

I can relate to this somewhat...

Yep. Relatable on many levels.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

4 ай бұрын

Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Makes sense that people will appear as if lazy, and that if they just give into this judgement /self judgment, then the matter just stays stuck and unrevealed.

Love your channel! Trauma in the past, exactly! Thank you 🙏🏻

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 ай бұрын

Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy

Just read a book called the trailer park parables. Wow,he talks of “freezing” . Never heard this before yet I related to his experience. Interesting that after that had an incident and ended up in freeze mode. Stayed in the house for two days. Couldn’t get myself to do anything. Today ran across this podcast. Looking forward to hearing about things to do to disregulate.

Sounds like he's a great writer. Maybe he should write a book. I could definitely relate to his dilemma. I've been wanting to write a book about my life and I know I can do it. I've purchased course after course along with self help books, and I have done alot of self healing over the years. The truth is I can't motivate myself to get started. Trauma destroys creativity. It's a tragedy. So many of us have what it takes. Thanks for these tips. Great channel.