Time heals all wounds in human beings not in narcissists! That part 🗣️

@johntracey4196

3 ай бұрын

💯% absolutely true

@gavinclark6891

3 ай бұрын

okay i'll but more therapy instead if healing then

@johnkosi6798

3 ай бұрын

More time means more opportunity for grievance ruminating.

They are grievance collectors. They act like grievances are collectibles on a shelf to be admired and displayed.

@user-xp2rr7iy2n

Ай бұрын

Omg. So very true

No contact is the only way . Walk away when they try to engage in small talk to get a foot in the door. Walk away with no expression.

@juliie007

Ай бұрын

That’s what I did too with a narcissistic relative had to cut them out completely and that includes the flying monkeys who are readily gullible to be manipulated by the narcissist.

Narcissist = no empathy = No remorse = Got out = Stayed out = Recovery does happen ❤

@maryfrances1307

3 ай бұрын

I love your story. Short, sweet, and to the point.

"Absence parading around as a presence". 👌

Yes!! He s stalking me like crazy since i bloked him! When he wasn t bloked he would n t give me any attention, always busy! They are very sick, i m aware he s comin back for revenge!

Sam you’re always on point. I want revenge myself, on the narcissist for being such a nasty individual.

@GLsJAwtomatica

3 ай бұрын

Their miserable existence is their karma; they have no access to positive emotions

@lauradelregno99

3 ай бұрын

@@deborahserafin8253 Love your comment, I used to feel the same way as the first commenter. Understanding the mental disorder gives you closure.

Goodness you always tell me, Narcissist are not human. I truly believe and agree. I find myself always saying they dont have feelings.

@AboveAndBeyond17

3 ай бұрын

They have feelings,but..only the bad ones.

@Fawn-hv7mx

3 ай бұрын

According to Black's Law Dictionary the word 'human' means 'monster'. Interesting world we live in.

@fredrikburstrom-cw1ho

3 ай бұрын

If you see any positive feelings they are not Narcissist

@lucyhanks500

29 күн бұрын

@@fredrikburstrom-cw1holike laughing at human behaviours like they’re normal and even comical? Perspective of artificial intelligence in what’s socially acceptable and what’s seriously unkind and culturally corrosive?

My mom …. I blocked her for the first time and my creativity is coming back now

@dominusbalial835

3 ай бұрын

I was a feral child raised by a single mother suffering some kind of strange maternalistic psychosis. But she kept me locked up for 22 hours day, until i got into school because she wasn't actually doing it consciously as abusive but rather was manifesting maternal instincts in the absolute opposite and worse way? it was so strange her behaviours were close to the exact opposite reaction she should have had. She didn't let me have any autonomy either, she wouldn't let me shave my moustache for example because she didn't want me to cut my lip and get hurt. When I attempted to express autonomy and violated this ruling and cut my lip the first time I was shaving. My mother physically assaulted me, because she didn't want me to hurt myself shaving my lip. Doesn't make any sense does it? Best thing I ever happened to me was separate from my family system which was just my mother. She kept herself isolated and kept me isolated from my family. And honestly I don't think I could ever integrate myself because i'm also autistic on top of being horrifically abused. Although I've never experienced what I'd consider a healthy relationship where I was valued, I worry that i'm wrong but I can never figure out how i could possibly be wrong unfortunately. But it just seems statistically improbable the amount of shit i've encountered with relationships with people. Anyways sorry for the rant, I also haven't slept in 2 days because I suffer from some form of mild chronic stress related insomnia? Give yourself a lot of time, I don't know your relationship with your mother, mine was not normal or healthy at all, many parents aren't. This might be one of the best things that ever happened too you if you give it a little time. I hope things get better for you my guy.

This video is Perfect timing. My Nex has been trying to rehoover after the divorce he insisted on. I had a gut feeling it was a rouse trying to get back at me. He's mad that I am not crying to get him back. He was embarrassed in court when he thought the divorce was based on irreconcilable differences but I counter claimed with adultery and abuse with video and pictures. I believe he's out for revenge.

Sir, i really wish you had posted this video 2 months earlier. I had a terrible encounter with a narcissist friend not knowing he was holding "grudges"....he made my life living hell...tried to isolate me, humiliated me and he was funny actually....he wanted me to "beg" for his attention and I was trying to get rid of him....he accused me of publically humiliating him...he was imagining things....

Thank you Prof Vaknin, for acknowledging his behaviour. I was shocked to the core by his reaction to my first "perceived" transgression towards him. He said this is when the relationship went downhill, but he couldn't admit he had trauma bonded me and I was fighting back with collapsed trauma betrayal, via his secret life online and offline. I left for good but ended it numerous times before this. In total he hoovered me back around 17 times. I eventually got support from a uk dv support service and they are my back up if he tries to come back again. He was sexually coercive along with incessant gaslighting I felt like I was going completely crazy, aka all my fault. His addiction to attention, along with intermittent reinforcement nearly finished me. Since last Nov I've been listening to you and I finally planned my exit for good and have gone no contact.

@ToneCola

3 ай бұрын

@elinaselene just know that you are beautiful my friend! Stay blessed .

@elinaselene

3 ай бұрын

@@ToneCola Thank you, I am getting there.

The ex tried to hoover me just 1 week after i humiliated him in court. I would have to be dead in the brain to not realise he wanted me back just to punish me 😅.. The man didn't even have the patience to let the dust settle a bit. Loser!

Great video that describes this behavior of eternal resentment very well. I myself was always stunned at how someone could be so unforgiving, be offended by every little thing and hold my "misbehavior", no matter how small, against me forever. Until I understood that I was dealing with an (undiagnosed) narcissist. It took me a long time to "swallow" this because it was an old university friend who I trusted and who I actually used to really like. But I can't maintain a friendship with such "grudge holders". Such a shame. And I feel sorry for these people.

Highly insightful. One thing I've never done and never will do is beg for forgiveness and accept all the responsibility for something I didn't do, no matter how much I love a particular person.

My sweet, lovely amazingly vise teacher thank you from the depths of my hearth for your lectures . Breaking up with a narcissist year ago ,suffering trough a 3.5 year relationship with him left me depressed and drained ..how could the man that made all those promises to love me forever to never leave me block me from his life when i wanted to make things right between us ..when he told me he cares for me ..what you say in your lecture helps me to understand the ins and outs of our relationship

How can we get those type of peoples in jail ? Why do we have to deal with those type of individuals ?

@samvaknin

3 ай бұрын

Stalking and harassment are criminal offenses in most jurisdictions.

@CoiutzMicutz

3 ай бұрын

​@@samvakninwhat if theyre married?

@dominusbalial835

3 ай бұрын

How would you leverage society to help you if your autistic? I feel completely and utterly isolated from support networks and completely and utterly at the mercy of anyone in society. It's seemingly impossible for someone to actually do something wrong too me, even when I explain in extreme detail why and/or how i find "X" comment or "X" situation uncomfortable or offensive to be put in or have directed towards me. But then somehow I'm overly sensitive? and yet at the same time I'm also insensitive? How to I organize myself in a manner that's conductive towards society not singling me out to generate neuroticism in or exploit. If my paranoia is continually validated and reinforced by real world experience from my friends and family, is it paranoia? Am I potentially narcissistic? I've been told I was narracistic before I even got into school dozens of times, was called narcissistic by my elementary school teachers, by my bother, by my mother. I can't see anything i've done to anyone in particularly, that wasn't a result of social ineptness at least, that could have upsetted other people. What does it say when strangers in your personal life treat your better than your close friends? Thank you for all your videos too you've provided me with a wealth of education I watch your content almost everyday sometimes a few times a day. @@samvaknin

@dominusbalial835

3 ай бұрын

I don't feel superior I feel very isolated and vulnerable, I live a very schizoid style of life.

Dear prof. Vaknin, yet another piece of the what - the- hell- happened- in - my-relationship?!- puzzle that I am solving step by step. I feel a deep gratitude for the books you have written and video's you made. All the work you have done. The video's and writings are so spot on, sometimes mindblowingly accurate. 😅 Thanks Sam for every puzzle piece that saves me from going crazy...

From the bottom of my heart I thank you Sam. Your videos give me strength and educate me. You saved me from a Hoover.

The last straw for me was when I called my covert narcissist sibling out on Facebook in front of a couple hundred people from our home town for stealing stuff out of our father's house after our father died. He did it. My dad's family took his side. I had to cut contact with our entire family because he went on a vicious Machiavellian smear campaign. It was impossible for me to do anything because he lives in the same town as the family and I'm a hundred miles away. Its been ten years now and he still paints me as bitter, holding on to animosity and ashamed of myself. He's tried forcing contact twice. I never gave in. I even had to walk away from burying our father's ashes because he refused to bury our father for five years after he died. Then he told the whole family i wont bury our father. It was a setup the whole time.

@Chez8922-kf6cy

2 ай бұрын

This will be a grudge he holds til his grave!

@annatetiad.4991

8 күн бұрын

great job - yes, often they will infiltrate your family to get them on his/her side. Key is to focus on your journey forward and only that. But narcissists do hate when you win especially in court, etc.

An ex started a grow op with his brother. He went to pick up his grade school children and threw a couple of beer cans he was drinking out of the car. A parent saw that and reported it. The police wrestled and handcuffed him at home. His brother panicked and removed the grow op evidence to his control only. Years later, this guy was stealing his brother’s pot opening his door with a butter knife. When I asked why he was stealing, he told me , “He owes me”! Forever I guess.

Professor ,you are amazing ,it's like you are living in their heads.

Yes yes yes and playing gospel songs like they are a true patriot ..... It's sooooo hard bitting my tounge

@kristinapace

3 ай бұрын

Hopefully I will be gone soon I pray I pray

Professor Vaknin, my apologies for misspelling your name the last time. I would appreciate it if you could read this and please comment. I have been married for 23 years now to a woman who for the last 14 or 15 years has been open about her CPTSD, GAD, DD. However she has always been abusive, in every way but only one instance sexually. There was several instances of physical abuse- throwing things at me, hitting me with a glass object once, and then one instance of punching, knocking me down, and kicking me. The majority of abuse has been psychological though. A few years ago she started stealing things that I bought for the house, then started stealing my cloths. Lots of clothes. She has had multiple affairs with other women. Once I even caught her in bed with her sister. Her siblings, all of them suffer from mental disorders. Apparently so did her parents. Because of all this stress my body started to break down in the past couple years- hypothyroidism, gallstones, insomnia, enlarged prostrate, high blood pressure, so I am currently (we are currently) in the process of legally separating. I spent twenty years in nursing so I’ve had to come up with an answer to this behavior, because I knew there was more than she was admitting to. After watching hundreds of hours of YT videos by doctors, licensed therapist, and many of your videos I began to uncover some (lots) of evidence to suggest my suspicions were correct, so I purchased the DSM-5, and arranged to go see a therapist myself to see if there was a way to block or blunt the stress to my body ( my mind is nearly indomitable). With all this help I have come to ascertain that my wife, in addition to her previously stated mental disorders, also has NPD, BPD, ASPD, and is sociopathic. Living with this woman and observing her and her family is and has been a mind blowing experience. I wish there was a way that science could study them because they are truly extraordinary. Lastly I would like to thank you for your help, and all that you do. In my humble opinion you are the best out there regarding these issues.

@BNyaB

3 ай бұрын

😳😳😳

@maryfrances1307

3 ай бұрын

Nah.😁

Prof V, thank you . What you're describing just puts into external real words that which i have been perceiving and my gut has been saying about a past love of my life. As a former victim of lifelong gaslighting, you being well qualified and articulate and explicitly explaining with such great accuracy that which was mostly in my private inner world is a lifesaving dynamic. 🙏 I can't thank you enough.

Check to each! He's holding a grudge and hoovers to punish!

I must be a narcissist as I can't forgive him.

My sister is the golden child narcissist who cant get over any man who rejects her and wants to avoid her drama and entitlement. She stalks these guys on social media, Hoovers and even has her friend joining in on harassing these dudes.

@Ripaltico

3 ай бұрын

Lol at your sister.

@silversilver0

3 ай бұрын

She's super pathetic ​@@Ripaltico

@silversilver0

3 ай бұрын

She is pathetic! ​@@Ripaltico

Invaluable advise!!!! Thank you my good man. Thank you for your work.

Yes Insists on betrayal that never happened in a created scenario - yes he said cannot be salvaged, ruminates . Punitive indeed, death by 1000 cuts.

Big switch about 2 weeks in and it never stopped. Wanted money he thought he had a right to

i ghosted my narcissist after i found solid proof he was cheating he made tiktok videos making himself the victim in one vid he was singing with an angry face singing the song by reo speedwagon take it on the run baby🙄

Yes I am speaking from my experience and I am still going through the process of getting the lengthy process of researching for this information

I see this in my son’s mom. Acts like a little kid in many ways, she speaks with either a mouse’s voice or Batman’s and it shifts depending on the environment. Her “boyfriend” is the one who has to parent our child when he needs it and it’s screwing up my kid. Can’t fix these people. The grudges she holds and broadcasts is insane

@maryfrances1307

3 ай бұрын

Batman’s voice? From a grown woman? 😁😂😂 I don’t know if it’s my mood, but I’ve read the funniest scenarios on this particular KZread video.

Learned that he donned a toupee and made false identity 20 years younger……wow wow

@BNyaB

3 ай бұрын

😳😳😳

Very interesting and illuminating. Thank you Sam.

Thank you so much Pr Vaknin - this explains PLENTY about the overall behavior of certain individuals in my life in the past 9 years!

Excellent and very illuminating. 👍🏻

The problem can be that when those related to the narcissit ( your own family for eg) see and understand no contact as a grudge or even a vendetta.

@maryfrances1307

3 ай бұрын

The problem can be that you care more about what other people see and understand than you do your own sanity and safety.

superb teaching. thank you .

Thank you for your knowledge

Thank you, Sam.

Thank you! This is a very accurate explanation.

They are dangerous ✝️🙏

Uncanny timing

Great video.

Dr Vaknin, Is this unbeknownst to the narc or are they aware they have a grudge?

@samvaknin

3 ай бұрын

They are fully aware of it.

You’re the best

They Turn against your friends your Family your income

What about in the case of a possible narcissist who finds out 20 years later that he married a possible borderline's who self trashed with several men? That there was suspicion, lies, gaslighting and deception for 20 years. Can these two ever get over this?

@Sam Vaknin, if he fails to get revenge, can they take it on their next supplies ?

@samvaknin

2 ай бұрын

Yes. It is called “displacement”.

Yes, yes and yes. All of these. Yesterday he tried to run me over with a lift truck.

@BNyaB

3 ай бұрын

😱😱

Yes. Cheated on her so she had to leave me due to toxic shame. Smeared me all over. Now I have a baby with someone else and living not far. (Although it was not easy on my own, I'm an expat and she is native). She obliterated me for 3 years while I still had feelings for her and is coming back only now. ALL the signs are present. I destroyed her life in 2 seconds, she adored me, she says ... 😅 ( I do believe that by the way )

So if I’ve been with a narcissist who hurt me so bad and wasted 10 years of the best years of my life. Because of him I’m not be a mother in my life. Now I’m so angry of what he did and can’t forgive him. Does that make me a narcissist?

@dawnhandelman308

3 ай бұрын

No maybe you are like me that didn’t know anything about this or recognized it until it was extremely painful & crazy out of control I as well wasted 10 + years Grateful to be out and in peace ☮️ 🕊❤️🙏

@cleopatras7488

2 ай бұрын

@@dawnhandelman308 yes unfortunately I am like you. It took me all these years to understand who he really is. I got IBS because of him. In pain most of the time for years and doctors have no explanation :(

❤pls take care for he will use somebody or other to destroy u if he finds u helping his victim

The cabbage patch court 😆😆👏

can confirm 😅

If she - the narcissist was falling in love, what can be expected ?

@samvaknin

2 ай бұрын

Narcissists cannot and do not love. Watch the shared fantasy playlist.

@urzsulaz2604

Ай бұрын

@@samvakninYeah

❤right on mark u are.🎉 He nxt door now using my neighbour and daughter to control me for him and using my sister and others are used to mind control on me on internet, he wants me to lie that he is hero because he is several ceo amd does a have my barclays cloned card and santander ,he she is trans and wants to be me and i know not loves me at all ,he and tom cruise sabotaged kate of royals, he nxt door and controls and blocks my medical and pushs crazy mental ill on me.i do need help because i have cysts and strokes and he bullies hospitals to neglect me.god bless u ,u mr angel

Why do they always paint you as such a negative image in thier mind?

@samvaknin

Ай бұрын

Search the shared fantasy playlist.

Fascinating 31:11 31:20 31:27 .

@alwaysradical

3 ай бұрын

An internal process which is utterly unpredictable. Wow .. that is scary. 37:12 No contact seems to be a great solution. maybe the only solution?

What does the narcissist mean by saying you are stronger than me ?

@noaha7719

3 ай бұрын

They tend to assume (i did) that everyone has as much inner turmoil as them, they just believe everyone else handles it better, because they see the selves as inherently deficient

@GLsJAwtomatica

3 ай бұрын

Could be that you don't "sweat the small stuff"

@fattounaish

3 ай бұрын

@@noaha7719 could be .

@fattounaish

3 ай бұрын

@@GLsJAwtomatica may be

@fattounaish

3 ай бұрын

@@noaha7719 could be

Curious if you can give any examples of retaliation or punishment etc.

@VienzoMclaren

16 күн бұрын

I can give you some examples but it's better if you don't know. It might give you nightmares.

The whole stinking family holds a grudge? Seriously folks didn't you learn how to play nice in elementary school? Hmmm I wonder.

He hates me I sent him back to prison Reality hit hard NOT one of his so called " Friends " would take him Not his daughter who said ahe dosent teust after he went back to the same behaviour as before Im SO ok he hates me He will leave me alone Hes immature criminal behaviour will destroy him He blames everyone else But once he told me my questioning his behaviour thats why he kills people Wicked pure EVIL Hes the victim

❤ he she is has many identities and is nikki nicolava four powencett ter ilford who fixed up my computer and mobile now and is fake dion dior and has been growing cannibies in my loft and using my hot water,cold and electricity and put shower up there and owns k and t heating who help him her