Never tell them anything about your personal life. Never become friends with them. Go greyrock with them. Do what you need to do to do your job. Never go above and beyond with them. Quit and find another job ASAP.

@mattjagger4360

9 ай бұрын

No. Always tell them a LOT about yourself. And tell others the TRUTH. gaslighting a narcicist drives them insane. I'm quite sociopathic 😂 narcicists are a lot of fun. I enjoy competing with them. There's nothing more hilarious than a narcicist telling lies about you to everyone. Of course. They are repeating what you told them. But its all BS. Upper management will be on them in no time. And poor people will do a lot for very little. No employer will keep a manager in position who is on bail for sexual assault to a minor...and reporters are calling in the business for a statement. £500 will arrange that. Bye bye...gone. 😂😂 not that I have or ever would do that. Ever. Honest.

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

8 ай бұрын

In general, it's a good idea to keep personal life out of your professional life, with the exception of the friendships with co-workers that may grow beyond the office.

@Un_biased_opinion

7 ай бұрын

I did the same, I was fired. NO Regrets about it, being in job market and finding a job is way better than working under such circumstances.

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

7 ай бұрын

​@@Un_biased_opinion Agreed 100%. It can be hard depending on the economic climate or other circumstances. Glad you were able to get out and land on your feet!

@larios86

4 ай бұрын

​@@OnlineCoachPaulStroblyour so smart how can I reach you brother

I have had one for 7 years. 1) quit your job.. 2) if quitting your job isnt possible, preserve your psyche from gaslighting, being his outlet etc by not caring

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

Жыл бұрын

Agreed. Regarding number 2, the work is what you do on yourself to undo the triggers. You can learn tons of techniques for dealing with a toxic boss, but it's understanding your inner emotional life that will ultimately make the situation more tolerable.

I handed my notice in to my narc boss a week ago, since then he has ignored me- never apologized for calling me names and screaming at me, or getting in my personal space to intimidate me. I found out two days ago he has been spreading lies about me to my colleagues (who are my friends who told me), so i just up and walked out today after i was paid for the month. he called me on my way home (not knowing my dad was besides me ajd overhearing everything) and threatened to 'redact my pay' if i dont go to work. he also said i HAD to come back into work, as i am legally bound to. but demanding someone work after their notice is handed in is literally illegal. he then blamed me and called me childish for him screaming at me, calling me useless and stupid the week before. whenever I'd try to ask him a question to catch out the lies on the phone, he would ignore it and just throw a question my way instead - and when i pointed out he never answered my question, he yelled 'WELL YOU ARENT ANSWERING MINE NOW' long story short, WALK OUT. LEAVE. they will never take well to anyone who questions them, which is why he tried to use scare tactics and being very patronizing to get me to bend to his needs. they are some of the worst kinds of people.

@sharingyourexperiences5305

Жыл бұрын

I was desperately hoping this story ended with: “my dad took the phone & called him out on everything threatening litigation & my boss apologized profusely back peddling the entirety of the rest of their conversation“ ☹️

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

Жыл бұрын

@@sharingyourexperiences5305 Only in Hollywood does the narcissist change or get what's coming to him/her. In real life, they usually get away with their behaviors.

@Jerrux

Жыл бұрын

@@sharingyourexperiences5305 no sadly :( he would never apologize. he never has. even when he made jokes about me s*xually to a bunch of men I didn't know, who later tried buying me drinks and making uncomfortable comments (I ended up going to bed at the hotel at 8pm that night just to get away early). OR when he made jokes about the fact that I got punched by a drunk man whilst out drinking when trying to help a woman who he was hurting, to which I got my nose broken and a tooth chipped. people so heartless do not feel sorry, unfortunately. but I am feeling much happier now, even though I am yet to get another job! :)

@sharingyourexperiences5305

Жыл бұрын

@ChloeTWD I am sorry to hear all of this! I wish you had been able to take some sort of legal action :( what a horrible human! I am so grateful you're free of that monster! I pray that you find a good job that you enjoy with a caring boss in Jesus name! Amen! That man will be terrified on his death bed, I've heard horror stories of narcissists last moments - they must see where they're going before they die or something because some of the stories are frightening ! (I suppose I don't know how true they are, but assuming they are true, he will be in for a nightmare)

@sharingyourexperiences5305

Жыл бұрын

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl I had just hoped for a better ending but I understand they usually face no justice & rarely if EVER feel any remorse 💔

My boss is 100% narcissist and gives me such anxiety. He never praises me in my work. Always puts me down. Talks to me like I'm a baby. He's very very controlling. Horrible man. I wish it was easy to get another job but it isn't that easy. My friend walked out bcos of him. She's now unemployed 😞. The moment she left, he had her JD up on the website. 5 yrs service he didn't give a sht. The thing is, I do like my job but I can't handle being controlled so much it's bringing me to tears. I obv don't show him that side. He would love to see me break down. I really don't know what to do. I just think.. Keep on looking for something else. The thing is... He's very charismatic to everyone else and a complete cnt with me if he's not having a good day.. If his mask slips.. he's controlling with everyone but I seem to perhaps take it personally.. I've never experienced anything like it. I'm just like anyone else on this mortal coil trying to get by in life and get on in my job. But the control is really very very intense. I don't know what he gets out of it. I wonder if he's like it with his wife and kids? Or is he just a bastard to his co-workers, his lackeys in the work place. I think his JD of CEO makes him think he's all that. Like I say, I've had some lovely bosses in jobs. Never ever like him ever. When we interviewed him he was charming as hell.. The mask of the narcissist.... I'm in a really bad place right now. 😞 If only ppl were just kinder to each other and encouraging... And not false like him. It's making me ill..

@Jerrux

Жыл бұрын

I had a similar experience. I walked out today and I posted his reaction in these comments. I hope you can get out of there soon. I completely stand with you

@nessmess500

Жыл бұрын

I had a similar experience as well. It seems like no one ever believed me enough to actually fire him

@benkaschneipo2602

11 ай бұрын

My boss is exactly the same. Unfortunately I cannot quit because I need to be financially stable first. My way of coping is to not care and put zero mental energy on him, avoiding as much conversation with him as possible. this is making him furious because he can sense that i do not value him and his behavior, but that is the only way for me to emotionally survive , even though it is making work not desirable. Nevertheless try to get out this job in the long run, it still has a detrimental effect on your self esteem…

@chrism5433

10 ай бұрын

It's so ridiculous how some people can be 🙄🍺

@JoeJoe-to3ed

2 ай бұрын

Sister I know how you feel. We love ourselves enough to not deal with people like this but we have to do things we don't want to do to take care of the ones we love or ourself. These are evil people and I understand how you feel.🎉😢

Great advice. Thank you. So many bosses are narcissists. Businesses tend to reward this type of behaviour because of apparent short term results, whilst not appreciating the long term effects. Supportive, caring bosses get the best out of people over the long term.

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

Ай бұрын

You are very welcome!

This works for short term coping and managing for sure.. But long term that toxci behavior can ware you down.. So use thse strategies to manage your sanity most importantly vs change the toxic boss..

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

Жыл бұрын

Yes, the key to understand with narcissists is that they will only change when they want to. And a 9 or 10 out of 10 Narcissist is way too perfect to need to change.

Ya, I had to just leave. The constant stress of having them try to destroy me at every opportunity was not worth it.

I’m a hairstylist and my boss loves to act like I’m stupid in front of clients and tries makes me feel dumb in front of them. I’ll try the asking curious questions thing next time

@nmc1859

11 ай бұрын

Wow. Mine is similar. I take it as they are insecure about something. It is so weird and untoward.

@Clevelandsteamer324

Ай бұрын

That’s called triangulation and it’s abuse

My new manager started 3 month ago. When i saw narc in her. I planned my exit. I will not give my 2 wks… 😂

Keeping records & turning it back ok them by being curious has been working best for me so far... though still frustrating at times. I don't plan working there very much longer.

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

8 ай бұрын

Yeah, these are a short-term fix. For sure look for a lateral shift in the company or another job in the meantime.

THANK YOU for quickly getting to the point of the video in contrast to YT 30-minute, 60-minute, 2hour long videos who put the suggestion/solution at the last 5-10 minutes of the video

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

3 ай бұрын

You're very welcome! It try to keep everything I do short and actionable.

This is some of the best advice I wish I would have had a few years ago. I just documented but I should have followed up with an email.

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

8 ай бұрын

Thank you! Hope it's useful in the future...well, actually, I hope you won't need it in the future! LOL

Yeah putting myself in the spot infront of others is something my narc boss does all the time.. and I always defend it by saying explaining.. but it never works with them they are basically on an ego trip

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

9 ай бұрын

Give it a go with asking questions with curiosity - let us know how it works!

Yep this is my Boss. The business is almost destroyed because of him. My boss can twist and turn all he likes but reality will not.

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

Жыл бұрын

The truth always comes out. Never fast enough though...

@malachicafe6818

Жыл бұрын

Yes! I understand perfectly! The business I'm at is circling the drain because of her and I guess it's just going to happen because narcissists never see it as their fault

@artur7301

3 ай бұрын

Same here. Terrible businessman and it's always the workers' fault

@rosej5029

3 ай бұрын

Will the business actually be destroyed?! I bet it remains intact. I say that bc it appears the narc boss always finds a way to survive or even thrive. It's been said many times about the workplace "The good people always quit the company" and they leave while the toxic company does fine regardless.

It's so sad that they deminishing you when you love your job and want to really go extra mile. So sad for the business. Trying not to care every day but need to move on. So sad situation. I know I am not the only one. I never never felt so low before , just deeply upsetting. 😢

Thanks a lot for the general advice... I think it will help me a lot deal with mine... The first thing he always does is make me explain even if I am not wrong... I will use your strategy

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

10 ай бұрын

Let us know how it goes!

Definitely follow up with emails although even this can be used against you. Simply record their every word.

Paul, this was so helpful and practical. I’ve watched a few videos on the subject and this was the best one. Thank you!

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

8 ай бұрын

Thank you! More to come soon on identifying narcissists.

My boss said in the meeting is that he has given our accountant a job to do.. he doesnt care how he gets it done. The accountant doesn't start till 11.30 then expects everyone to stay late. He shouts at the person who does his/her hours as per the contract. Accountant runs his own biz from the office, gets us to do his job too and hes always talking about one to the other and vice versa to divide and rule. Always gives unrealistic deadlines.. Managenet always takes his side and blames staff for things. No one takes any responsibility for their actions. Lots of gaslighting, lying and calling others liars, and management making excuses for the accountant's behaviour etc... realised its never going to change.. all these meetings we have are just one way conversation.. everytime you want to say something managements butt's in totally ignoring what you are saying and carry on.. 8-10 people in the meeting and couple of them speaking loudly and/or shouting... they dont care what you have to say, only they want everyone to hear what they are saying.. totally disgusting.. have no respect for them or there staff.. if they had respect for themselves as well the meeting wouldn't sound like a weekly shop to the fish market ...

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

5 ай бұрын

Sounds like a pretty toxic environment!

Very good succinct advice.

I have just sent our video meetings to the commissioners.

I ask to define the concept. I notice a lot of articles and from personal experience that manipulators use ambiguous terms that have a certain impact in your current culture and know what you will think of it. Making you feel guilty or ashamed, along those lines. They bank on those feelings to drive their manipulation home. Ask to define the concept. "What do you mean by that term?" "What implications do you think it has?" Did this to an ex with narcissistic tendencies and he could hardly ever answer these questions. Now I've got a boss who seems to have these tendencies as well and since I talk too much (this comment being exhibit A), I am an easy target. Gonna try these questions next time we speak, but if there are any more tips, always happy to read them here. For me and for others to read. Thanks Paul 👌

I went to HR about my boss. The director of my division came down and everything. Myself and the rest of the team let out our concerns, discussed their behavior, requested that supervision 1-on-1 meetings be less than 5 hours long. And now, after all that, it’s only gotten worse. Supervision meetings are now 6 and a half hours long indefinitely. On top of that, she has gotten more cruel, and almost seems emboldened to be that way. Then, I was added into a meeting with her and HER supervisor (not the director) because I allowed a little bit of my frustration to bleed into an email. Then HER supervisor threatened me by saying, “You know we really don’t need the number of workers we have” and “We can either be miserable together or happy together, and I’d rather us be happy”. I applied internally for another job, and just had an interview that seemed to go well, but if I don’t get the job, I will just leave. I’ve saved enough to keep me going for a bit until I find something new. I don’t have to stay here.

@lissaToday5787

6 ай бұрын

Wow: that's rough and I'm sorry. Going through the same thing myself right now, these people gets away with everything its insane.

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

5 ай бұрын

Unfortunately, going to HR has a pretty low success ratio due to the narcissist's ability to make themselves look good to anyone who may wield power over them (have a look at Re-Thinking Narcissism - great read!). We're left to either use new tactics (which is what I hoped to share in this video) or to leave to another job or area (like you are doing). Best of luck to you.

@43cassy

4 ай бұрын

I would recommend sticking out and having them pay you unemployment. Make THEM pay you for your time and stress you put into that position. If you can, try to obtain unemployment cushion before you leave. Companies hate to pay it and that’s why they’re just trying to push you out the door. Stay strong!✨

@creneemugo94

3 ай бұрын

This is why I never complain about it to HR. They get worse after that. When they abuse me I play dumb and just take it until they get tired of me. You must operate in humility and you can't have an ego...Then they lay you off and at least you get a severance. Because if you behave properly they have no just cause... Let them keep being evil to you and just take it and never quit...play dumb and act like what they did didn't' phase you...Either they'll explode and get themselves fired or you'll be layed off and you can sue if they have nothing on you. They will go nuts... To keep you from being able to sue... they will give a severance. Take the money and find something better.

@mister_delight

3 ай бұрын

Do your job and get your money. Workplace is a jungle full of egotistical snakes.

I love that curious questioning part, thank you!

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

6 ай бұрын

You're so welcome!

Every week… the downside of working from home is they can mistreat you and no one is around

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

9 ай бұрын

Document what you can!

I’m working with a very impatient and finding fault personality manager. He thinks that everyone should be perfect and the moment u make a mistake he will yell at you like some waiter who got the food order wrong.

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

6 ай бұрын

He shouldn't last long. If he does, get our resume out to find a new place to work. In the meantime, follow the tips in this video - keep a tone of curiosity, especially in front of others. Ask "how do you mean?" "How is this helpful?"

I find an e mail will bring clarity.

Best thing to do is quit. No job is worth dealing with these people. I’ve gone through two narcissistic bosses and can confirm that it never gets better and usually gets much worse.

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

Ай бұрын

If you run every time you get a whiff of narcissistic behavior, you'll be running your entire life. Learning to deal with self-absorbed personalities is a learnable skill, and a valuable one. It doesn't mean that you stay where you are or put up with abuse. But learning to put boundaries in place can help you manage the situations or at least stave off their behaviors while you find something new.

True 👍

Yup I got it all on whatsapp. He tried to be slick by saying 'I will pay you bro' over and over but my bank statement says otherwise. Imagine putting a stain on your business over $400 smdh

I went to HUman Resources and risked everything. I stopped talking to this man even in the hallways. I documented my reasons. But wouldn't you know, months later, he announced his early retirement! Obviously others saw through his bs, and he decided to retire early when he lost the power to control and be the center of attention, making the important decisions for the division over his boss... Lovely when God lets you see the consequences they bring upon themselves

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

6 ай бұрын

Going to Human Resources can be risky. Good to hear it turned out in a positive way for everyone around him!

@manchitas3531

6 ай бұрын

@@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl Filing a complaint with HR IS very risky indeed. I also advise everyone going through this to take care of themselves. Eat well. Work out regularly. Meditate. Learn a new talent or skill. Pray and have hope. Those who can, look for work elsewhere. Thank you for your useful advice!

Thanks that works some but at times it makes the boss just more aggravated and faulting me for not understanding them already if I ask for clarity. I am increasingly understanding how unclear and inconsistent their directions are.

Get a new job.....its soooo delicious to know that you have a plan and are secretly executing it....just about to it myself as I had my shifts pulled coz dhe can get domeone cheaper....she actually said to me you dont mind do you? Living hand to mouth atm so what the hell kind of question is that?

Ugh. My just told me she wants "more 1:1s, because they're very helpful for me."

@SongofaBeach2012

11 ай бұрын

Same here. My narc boss pulled me into 2 meetings in 1 day berating me for small errors I made. I'm stressed because im being bullied by her so of course Im making more mistakes-she micromanages me every day!. At the end of the last meeting she said she wanted more meetings to "coach" me. She just wants to feed off my misery. These people are sick!

I JUST QUIT THIS GUY SPOKE BAD ABOUT EVERY EMPLOYEE THAT LEFT I WAS ABOUT TO LEAVE AND HE MADE ME A MANAGER I REGRET STAYING HE PRETENDED HE CARED ONCE I ADVANCED HIS COMPANY WITH NEW CLIENTS HE GASLIGHTED AND SAID HEY IF YOU DONT FEEL COMFORTABLE WORKING HERE YOU CAN LEAVE HE TALKED TO ME HOW EVER HE WANTED NK RESPECT BUT HIS FAMILY MEMBERS WOULD MESS UP AND I WOULD CALL THEM OUT HE WOULD SAY LETS BE PATIENT WITH THEM WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES LIKE REALLY YOU JUSTIFY THEM BUT NOT YOUR FIELD WORKERS WTF IM GLAD I CAME ACROSS THIS VIDEO

I just quit a job in assisted living. The boss kept saying working conditions would get better (namely working severely short-staffed all the time). I kept staying, hoping things would get better. Now, we just found out that the facility is in severe financial difficulty, and will need to reduce hours and make more cuts. They knew this was coming, and they lied about it! I was labeled "a problem" for complaining about working short-staffed!! That was GASLIGHTING!!!

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

8 ай бұрын

Very disappointing -- especially when it affects both the employees and the care of the patients. I wish you the best on finding a non-toxic workplace that values it's employees.

@valerier4308

8 ай бұрын

@@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl👍 Thank you.

My youngest son handles typical female insanity in his wife by calmly and assertively repeating "I don't negotiate with terrorists', which always works, but never results in a permanent fix - so WTF is going on here? I think that from now on, I'll try saying that there's no quick fix to this problem, as this kind of problem can only be fixed in a large number of small postive / constructive steps (maybe triggering little brief upsets) over an hour, or day, or week, or month, and zillions of relationships all of our planet are struggling in the same way because one partner or the other insists on a quick fix, or otherwise a downing of tools, or a tantrum / hard for anyone to quell hissy-fit -- wish me luck -- or advise me otherwise !!

My boss not only will put you on the spot, but will belittle you in front of everyone

@Clevelandsteamer324

Ай бұрын

Horribly abusive

❤

All she EVER did was talk and talk and talk. Everything I said she never acknowledged. Always interrupting me. Everything was about herself

How a narcissist deals with a narcissist basically

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

5 ай бұрын

LOL! Yes, some narcissists can be very tricky. They use some of these tactics, so why not fight fire with fire?

I tried the second way asking for bullet points email, but it wouldn't work. because they are so meticulously careful they never leave any trail even in emails, unless the ones written hurriedly.

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

4 ай бұрын

Perhaps I didn't communicate properly - you write the email with bullet points and start it with "Just to summarize what we spoke about, here are the key points of our conversation..."

@ganeshcsaiisc

4 ай бұрын

@@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl nothing would work. What we are dealing with here ar ementally ill people. there is a global pandemic of narcissism and world need to wake up. there are lot of suffereres.

just dont, get away, far far away.

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

Ай бұрын

If you run every time you get a whiff of narcissistic behavior, you'll be running your entire life. Learning to deal with self-absorbed personalities is a learnable skill, and a valuable one. It doesn't mean that you stay where you are or put up with abuse. But learning to put boundaries in place can help you manage the situations or at least stave off their behaviors while you find something new.

@ganeshcsaiisc

Ай бұрын

@@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl I am recently fired by a narcissist manager from a company I worked for three years. He joined last year in June and immediately disliked me for my looks. Trust me! I tried somuch, went to the upper management, HR, lot of meetings but ultimately they he made sure I was problematic. Yes, Smear campaigning is real, he used to share HUGE emails with anyone who he knows could help me (higher management, HR), I'll give you one example of his complaints, "He felt that I am working from home becasue I attended one meeting from home and then I came to office". The thing you dont understand is these narcissists(at workplace) have so much power that most people dont understand whatever the victim is saying, as narcissists are really careful manipulators, they are actually sick, mentally ill people and we, normal people are not accustomed to playing these sick games. and I haven't encountered any narcissist before either. Nothing works except getting out. As an INFJ and an empath I read him on the first day itself, but I was bound becasue it is a work situation and not everyone can get a new job instantly.

Anyone who takes the position of being a 'master life coach' is a narcissist with no empathy to speak of. The way you deal with a narcissistic boss is that you document their behavior, interactions and you certainly don't let the narcissistic boss know you're doing it. Then you set yourself up for a change of employment because such environments create increased anxiety and depression. Then, when you're about to leave, you get their boss and ask them if they can do the exit interview because it concerns the narcissistic boss. Then you leave. Your advice will only prolong people's suffering, which is sadistic.

@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl

5 ай бұрын

Keep in mind that one of the red flags of narcissism is absolutist thinking. That there is only one way to do things and those who speak with absolute certainty (lack of humility). To address the "Master Life Coach" comment, the International Coach Federation recognizes an MCC designation (the highest of three that stands for Master Certified Coach) as someone who has at least 2,500 coaching hours and 200+ hours of training. I had certified through the ICF, but after several years, I did not see the value in only taking courses that would get me credits, or to report my coaching hours and pay dues every year, and see very little coming back the other way (other coaches get great benefit from the conferences of the ICF, etc.). Now that I have over 500 hours of training and over 15,000 coaching hours (not to mention mentoring hundreds of new coaches--only those who become certified), I think I have earned the right to keep the word "Master" in the description of what I do. That being said, it may be your own issue with how you view the word "Master." I am not finished - I continue to learn from others, advance my knowledge and learn a ton from my clients. A rule of thumb that I use when commenting online is that if I wouldn't say it to someone face to face, then I should be typing it. Regarding the advice in this video, I didn't make it up one day. It is distilled knowledge from experts that have been applied over and over again in real life situations (my own and that of my clients). While every situation is different, this type of advice has helped hundreds if not thousands of people to better deal with the self-absorbed people in their lives. Your advice to simply leave and not attempt new methods, or work on yourself means that the next narcissist you face will have control over your immediate future. I appreciate your comment, and while it may be useful advice under very specific circumstances, it is not the absolute one-size-fits-all piece of advice that you make it out to be.

@pascalbro7524

5 ай бұрын

@@OnlineCoachPaulStrobl "Science is absolutist thinking therefore you are the narcissist" You're a fraud. Leave this to the experts, you're certainly not one of them.