Thanks for watching! Do you think this will work with your toddler? Don’t forget to get your communication milestones chart here: brightestbeginning.com/communicationmilestoneschart/

@MRM_241

Жыл бұрын

I love your videos! Sorry to be slightly off topic but can you please make a video about your opinion on sleep training methods, particularly Ferber? And their long term effect on the psychological health of babies? This is a controversial topic and I can't find a conclusive answer. I think your input will be very valuable. Thank you!

@sarahrobertson634

Жыл бұрын

Who has time to stop multi tasking and focus on a toddler? It would take an entire village worth of people helping with the kid in order for mom to be that focused...hmm...that sounds familiar...

@sarahrobertson634

Жыл бұрын

@@ChiefHerzensCoach You sound a bit mental, my friend. There's nothing in this vid that states that there's an expectation of total submission. Toddlers do need to pay attention to adults. Adults need to time their instructions properly, and stop multi tasking when it's time to parent. You missed the point of the video entirely. When children are calm and submissive, they're the most mentally healthy. They are slowly and gently elevated in the pack order by their parents, until they surpass their parents and become self actualized, but parents are the pack leaders first. Hierarchy is natural law. Power and responsibility go together, and the reason children can't handle power is because they lack the experience to be fully responsible for themselves. Just because you're butt hurt about authoritarian parenting doesn't mean you should misunderstand and attack authoritative parenting. Too emo to reason.

@jammRJ

Жыл бұрын

Does this work with older kids like first graders ?

@bradendestiny2

Жыл бұрын

I'm having an issue with my toddler spitting his drink on everything(floor, toys, shirt). Any advice?

Half of your children need eye contact to hear. The other half are unable to hear while being forced to have eye contact. Learning this is powerful and explained to me why some of my kids listened to me and others didn't.

@blackfiree91

Жыл бұрын

This is the best explanation of parenthood that I have ever read 😂

@Jlove85

Жыл бұрын

Good advice. It's really about how they receive

@lorrimang

Жыл бұрын

This only happens with kids whose parents didn't know the vid above. If the consequences of not responding are adequate they hear you alright. It's only the conscientious ones who hear you otherwise.

@SoMagicalMichele

Жыл бұрын

@@lorrimang I would recommend Body of 9 to learn why I am accurate. It is a physiological thing.

@genxx2724

Жыл бұрын

That kind of catering does not prepare them to function in the world.

Toddler parenting is the most difficult thing in the world because no matter what IT"S NEVER THEM.. it's always you. What YOU can do better, what YOU can train yourself to do more of, less of, none of. It's the most exhausting journey I've ever encountered. The amount of emotional regulation we have to pull out of our asses, because many of us were never taught that skill, it's astonishing. We have to constantly be better so that they may or may not pick up some of those traits. Can you tell we are in the thick of it? Can you tell that I'm over trying so hard? There's no solution other than do better parents. UGH.

@iameli_j

12 күн бұрын

Indeed! Self control is one fruit of the Spirit of our Lord and Savior, Yeshua/Jesus Christ. If you’re struggling with self control, patience, gentleness or any of the spiritual fruits that few of us were blessed to experience in our own childhoods, lean into God :) He is waiting to fill you with His Spirit which comes with the joy alongside all the others. Parenting is not easy, but stay grounded and sense of it all is possible. Praying for you and all the parents out here! 🫶🏽🙏🏽🙂‍↕️

Our younger son as a toddler, when told it was bedtime, the first thing he would do was to turn off the family TV and stand in front of it until we stood up and put things away along with him, and we ourselves got ready for bed when he did. It was irritating, but impressive.

@fouadatwi4842

Жыл бұрын

omg he uno reverse card-ed you

@miyounova

Жыл бұрын

@@anjafrohlich1170 what's up with god ?!

@Kreuzrippengewoelbe

Жыл бұрын

Tells you who's in control.

@Ghorda9

Жыл бұрын

@@miyounova why do you care?

@The_InfantMalePollockFrancis

Жыл бұрын

@@anjafrohlich1170 You sure about that?

I was discussing with my nephew about whether or whether not we are putting on shoes. He wanted to go outside. Turns out he didn’t understand the connection between going outside and putting on shoes (it was cold and wet outside, in summer I don’t mind barefoot). For him it was like „I wanna go outside“ „okay. We‘re going to do this completely unrelated thing now though“ and he got frustrated, so after saying let’s put on our shoes twice I explained it and said „you said you want to go outside right? We cannot go barefoot because it’s cold. We have to put our shoes on in order to go outside“. He sat down happily and was very glad we were finally putting on shoes and going outside. It didn’t even occur to me that he might not understand the connection at the time. Tbf I was 18ish back then and have learned a lot over the years 😁 but yeah, sometimes we just have to keep in mind their brains just work differently and see why they don’t do what we would like them to do

I'm not a parent, but I'm pretty sure this advice will work with some adults too... 🤣 joking aside, great video!

@mammutMK2

Жыл бұрын

My ex wife is a great example, running around "let's go, let's go" but she was still starring in her phone and didn't got ready. And even as an adult your learn pretty fast after sitting around fully dressed and sweating, just wait until she gets pissed and starts screaming around that you just scream back in response "your screaming around since 15 min to get ready and your the only one that not ready".

@ldc4817

Жыл бұрын

It does! 100%, people respond to clear positive communication. Just add in normal adult tone to prevent condescension

@kellharris2491

Жыл бұрын

Works with animals as well. Big Dogs need clear guidance or they can hurt someone. And that's on you not them.

@yo6285

Жыл бұрын

adults are toddlers

@pulsar22

Жыл бұрын

@@yo6285 beg to disagree. Some are babies ...

As this video began, I was thinking: “it’s bedtime!” isn’t an instruction... So, yes, to agree with you, telling them something like “please go and choose the PJs you want” (for example) does tend to get a better response. I’m constantly surprised by how specific I need to be! (“Wash your hands with soap! Sit on your bottom!”etc.) Just getting used to it and my youngest is 4 😆 (my oldest (8) is autistic with language challenges so we continue to use short, clear instructions for him.)

Engagement is key - being fully present and undistracted is how I got my kids to pay attention. This has carried on into their teens...at least so far...check back in a few years to see how that went. 😜

@mayathebraveofkitwanga448

Жыл бұрын

What do you mean? Can you explain please?

@justinahole336

Жыл бұрын

@@mayathebraveofkitwanga448 I'm always aware of where they are and what they are doing and why. In that way, if they are not responding, we can stop and talk about it, which we did - usually calmly and lovingly. I gave them lots of room to wander and play and work through things, but by being aware, I was prepared and informed - the message was always, "dad is on the job."

@theknight1573

Жыл бұрын

@@justinahole336 make sure they also get privacy (especially as teens) but otherwise you seem to be doing very well, keep it up!!

@justinahole336

Жыл бұрын

@@theknight1573 Awe! Thanks! Agreed! Privacy and autonomy are really important in the teen years - it's all about separation and independence. but, again, check back to see if I got it right.

@walqqr1

3 ай бұрын

@@theknight1573 privacy is important, but even privacy has limits, when you're a minor your parent still has to check on you now and then, safety always comes before privacy.

You can also give them choices such as "would you like to walk to the car like a dog or like a bunny". They are so caught up trying to figure out which one they want they don't even consider that there are other options. LOL

@juiice

Жыл бұрын

This made me laugh. My kids would spend more energy thinking up other options to avoid doing either than it would take to do the actual walking!

@Girlypop3232

Жыл бұрын

@@juiice :D

@RoseTheRealest

Жыл бұрын

Lol this is genius, thanks for the tip

@abigailloar956

4 ай бұрын

​@juiice yup, I've tried the option stuff and it opens a portal to hell everytime.

@jasjeetkaur5639

Ай бұрын

Mine would simply say "no I want to dance"

Mum always hated parents who did that "1,2,3" bs because it teaches the child to keep acting out until 3. You only give them one ask and if they don't listen, act accordingly.

@michaelenglish839

Ай бұрын

It also incorrectly teaches them that timers start at one instead of zero.

@nbceveningmusic1649

22 күн бұрын

Wrong. 123 works brilliantly for me because there’s always a punishment at 3. Always. Without fail.

@michaelenglish839

22 күн бұрын

@@nbceveningmusic1649 If there's always a punishment at 3:00 then that means they keep acting out until you get to 3 which proves their point.

@Tyrisalthan

21 күн бұрын

​@@michaelenglish839That logic is flawed. If the child gets punished at 3, they pretty soon figure out that they must act before it gets to 3, so at 2 at the latest. Nobody wants to intentially get punished several times per day. Well, maybe if you are a masochist, but even in that case there is consequences that they don't want, so it's a matter of how you implement the punishement. But I don't think that it would be necessary to be that strict either, and punish the child constantly. As long as the punishement is on the table if things don't eventially go as they should, it's usually enough. If the child has understud what they are supposed to do, and had sufficient time to do it, they usually do it. At some ages children test their parents intentionally and see what reaction they get from them, and at those times you have to follow up on what you have said. But most of the time there is no need for punishements, the praises for doing right is usually much better incentive anyway.

@michaelenglish839

20 күн бұрын

@@Tyrisalthan You don't have kids obviously

While I'm not sure I'm completely comfortable with the underlying behaviorist paradigm that seems to be peeking through, I think there were good advice here. I would add that sometimes it can be a good idea to tell your small child ahead of time that they will have to pack up their things and do something else. If a child is engrossed in play, it can be jarring to be pulled from that right away. The child might need time to mentally get ready.

This is perfect…I always thought I should wait to give a consequence after asking a couple times but I realized my 2 year old was doing exactly what you were saying, learning that she can push it off till I ask over and over…I did start getting more strict and enforcing consequences after one time but now I will be consistent…this was very helpful..

@ReaderViaNil

Жыл бұрын

children are not adults, they are learning, meaning they dont come pre-learned. Same goes with "being ungrateful" or "bothering on purpose", they cant express an emotion they havent learned yet, you cant proyect unto children your asumptions of how adults behave.

@debasishraychawdhuri

Жыл бұрын

The parent trains the toddler, and the toddler trains the parent. For example, you got trained to talk about consequences.

@theknight1573

Жыл бұрын

@@ReaderViaNil and once they learn those emotions/thoughts/principles, they WILL try them out on you. And your response will teach them what happens if they do. Know from experience for the one time I intentionally bugged my mom until she broke 😅

Another way to model desired behavior is to put your phone down and respond to your kids the first time, instead of mumbling "mommy's doing wordle sweetie."

I like to give my 3yo a choice related to what needs to be done. Something like "Time to get in the car! Would you like to take your airplane or your helicopter in the car with you?" I don't always remember this but it really helps to get the focus off of stopping what we're doing and more on what fun thing we're doing next.

Just realised I have no children.

@user-ou1ui3dy1g

Ай бұрын

Same but the parents in the flat above ours constantly shout at them and i was wondering why 😄

@hezeli4511

Ай бұрын

Lol 😂😂😂

@brigittemurphy879

Ай бұрын

She is GOOD!

@kendallmcguire

Ай бұрын

Same, but fascinating nonetheless

@ProWhitaker

28 күн бұрын

And I should be asleep

I'm going through this EXACT ISSUE with my toddler right now. Thank you for this advice - I can't believe that, despite having studied psychology over half my life and having worked for years in that field, I haven't realized this pattern. I truly, TRULY am grateful for this video.

@cherrybae43

Жыл бұрын

i hate parents i hope you all d1e😂😂😹

@Sarah-ic4yu

Ай бұрын

I also have a background and psychology and have definitely learned just how difficult it is to recognize patterns in your own behavior-I think knowing your intentions (regardless of whether or not they come to fruition) behind your behavior can certainly cloud your perception of yourself. I really struggled training my dog bc he isn’t the most trainable (he’s half husky) and would’ve likely been very successful with a dog who is eager to please, highly motivated by food/praise/play, and not strong willed. But my dog presented challenges that made me change my behaviors to make things easier, and my approach wasn’t as effective. I reflected often on how I was approaching things, and I was fully willing to admit mistakes I made, but i didn’t have success identifying the issues in my approach until I decided to go to a trainer. She helped me see things I was simply blind to, no matter how hard I tried to be objective and how often I assessed myself and reflected on things I needed to improve on. It’s especially important, I think, for those of us with backgrounds in psych to remain humble, reflective, always willing to admit mistakes or weaknesses, and be eager to learn from others! My mentors always encouraged us to seek counseling to help us stay aware of ourselves so our own shortcomings didn’t get in the way of our job.

Thanks for all your help being a first timer grandpa. Just one item I want to bring up is when my little 4 month old girl is crying I take her to my aquarium 100 gal with big colorful fish, and she is completely enthralled for about 30 mins!! I love my aquarium along with the little one!!

@jennifernorman9655

Жыл бұрын

You sound like a fantastic Grandpa :-)

@100bgeagle

Жыл бұрын

Thank you, I try!

@KarlainChrist

Жыл бұрын

You’re an awesome grandpa God bless you and your family and grand babies to come ! In Jesus Name Amen 😊

@jackdeniston6150

Жыл бұрын

wow, good she has learned to swim so young

now do pre-teens 😂

@alyanahzoe

Ай бұрын

i have autism and started talking at 3 years old.

@StacyCox-ew7pw

8 күн бұрын

Same advice. After teaching for 34 years, I always joke that there is no difference between a toddler and a preteen. Except the preteen is taller and has more vocabulary. 😅 I love them!!!

Don’t just feed them food; eat your food along with feeding them; and be excited about eating your food.

I'm a primary school teacher and this advice was really helpful for behavioural management. Thanks!

@otpays8552

Жыл бұрын

scary youre already a teacher and dont kno this. not just you im sure. this is why i pay for private for my kids

@ChemEDan

Жыл бұрын

@@otpays8552 Not as scary as the fact you reproduced.

@Emma2537ly

Жыл бұрын

@@otpays8552 and u think privat schools are any better the teachers who learn to become normal teachers teach in privat schools I was in one and it was a waste of money some are good but u have to be lucky enough or search long enough too find them

@friendgray1

Жыл бұрын

@@otpays8552 the benefits of private education are the class sizes, extra-curricular opportunities and long term connections and biases that will help the child when applying for uni/jobs etc. The teachers are not necessarily any better or more qualified. If you’re happy sending your children to private school, good for you. You don’t need to try and tear someone down in the process of boasting about being able to do so, though.

Emma, you are a true gem! This is the perfect level of parental education we are missing out there. No exaggerated emotions, just simple instructions without losing our minds. Sometimes I do wonder: since when we pay more attention to really investing ourselves in, say dog training, rather than developing a effective communication with our kids? Not comparing dogs to kids, but sort of I am… Because if you think about it, both require our clear leadership and as less negative emotions as possible with support! Thank you for your content!

@EmmaHubbard

Жыл бұрын

Thank you Kamila!

@kellharris2491

Жыл бұрын

Applied behavioral Analyses is like this. It's fancy Psychology......that feels like dog training.

@Mat5881

Жыл бұрын

@@kellharris2491 I second that.. It most certainly does.

I think this is super important information for teachers and teaching assistants dealing with slightly older children who didn't get this input at a younger age. Brilliant video. Thanks.

"... you need to be fully present with your toddler ...." -- in my personal experience (which includes the role of a parent), raising the moment by moment level of "presence" is all that is ever needed to face any challenge -- not just dealing with toddlers. By simply being more present you need not clutter your mind with endless lists of (well meaning) rules and guidelines. Through personal experimentation it has become clear that right/appropriate action always flows forth in presense.

@rubym3915

27 күн бұрын

No shade, but what if you are exhausted and unable to stay present? What if you have adult ADHD and staying present isn't always a capability? This is neurotypical advice that I severely wish was as easy for me as you are mentioning it is.

I'm not a parent yet but I love your videos. I'm learning not only how to best interact with a future child 🤞but also with my niblings. We see them weekly and it's great learning better ways to navigate these situations.

@EmmaHubbard

Жыл бұрын

So happy to hear you are finding these videos helpful! It's awesome to hear you are watching these in preparation for when do have kids in the future.

Makes a lot of sense. My daughter is now 14. I currently work as a primary teaching assistant, so I work with children mostly aged 7-10. For things like bed-time or something like saying good-bye/leaving (and therefore packing up or getting ready etc), I would always say, "another 5 minutes, then we will need to pack up/stop what we're doing or whatever". Children like a warning so they can adjust to stopping or switching, and most people I know tend to do that. For "easier" things, no warning necessary.

@NicholasAlm

Жыл бұрын

This totally makes sense. Occasionally, I'll be in the middle of a task and my wife will ask me to do something right now. I understand the urgency but it sure is irritating to have to stop something right immediately without at least 2-3 minutes of warning.

I'm so happy I found this channel. I was trying to find parenting advice and learn before I have a child in the next few years. I love that it gives step by step instructions and explains how if you get in the bad pattern it will be difficult but worth it to change

My little one has a very good temperament, and I luckily applied all of these tips with him, so he's cooperative even in the unpleasant acts (nose vacuuming, brushing teeth), is willing in packing his toys and helpful in household work.

Needed this! I've started falling into the pattern of repeating myself a lot and using negatives frequently. But we've done well so far with modeling behaviors and giving heads-up before a transition. So I need to create that pattern of full attention and request with a planned consequence. The consequence will be the hard part. Situations and requests can vary so much.

That’s amazing! I’ve read many of what you said in different sources but I had never put everything together by myself, and the way you organize it is great to understand the logic toddlers follow and how to improve our daily routine with them. Thank you for being so clear! 😊

I’m going to use most of these tips with my boss from now on. Great advice!

@Osprey850

Жыл бұрын

Meanwhile, your boss is watching this video, thinking, "These are great tips to use with Rick to get him to do his job instead of watching KZread." 😄

I'm a Preschool teacher and I use these methods with my Toddler class. They are the sweetest bunch of littles! 🥰

This was probably the nicest way I've ever been asked to give a video a thumbs up - and the most efficient one, too. Made me smile and click that button.

My husband fell into this trap. Unfortunately, that meant that he wanted me to manage everything. I tried to train my husband, "you have to make them mind, even when it doesn't matter" I spent their first 7-8 years teaching them that when I say it, I mean it

@mammutMK2

Жыл бұрын

The problem is some people understand a question as a question. Like your boss telling you "could you copy these documents", it's not a question, it's an order, but it sounds nicer...and you know when the order tone comes up its serious. Saying "could you bring down the garbage"...no, I'm just drinking my evening beer..."bring down the garbage, NOW"...first you asked me, now your ordering me?. No, you just wanted to be polite. Honey, don't you think the grass is to high? ... meaning : that grass is to high, it needs to get cut. Understanding : is not sure, needs second opinion.

@deadparrot5953

Жыл бұрын

@@mammutMK2 The situations you describe are incredibly confusing to a small child. My mother is like that. Expecting children to "read between the lines" and understand that "Could you take out the garbage" is a command couched as a polite request, is frustrating and confusing. Say what you mean. If you want to be polite, use "please" and "thank you," not "could you" or hinting or beating around the bush.

@mammutMK2

Жыл бұрын

@@deadparrot5953 and it is so easy: "bring me the box of lego" , not "could you bring me the box of lego?" ... the kid directly thinks, I'd that a question, is that an order? But even as grown up, depending in the situation, a friendly order since better than a dumb question

I don't know why KZread recommended this and it's a nice video and all... but I'm very, very glad I'll never have to go through all this exhausting work.

This really helped me because I was feeling very worried since I never knew how to handle my own emotions, it's even harder to do that with your own child. It made me realize a lot of the things I was doing was wrong and makes me want to correct the behavior. Even though my child is only 11 months, this resonates a lot. Thank you so much for sharing. Would love to see more videos like this.

@EmmaHubbard

Жыл бұрын

So glad it was helpful!

I can see this working well with adults too. 😊

@abpho207

Ай бұрын

And puppies.

This is brilliant advice. I just recently started a job as an ESL teacher for 3-4 year-olds, they're a little older than toddler age but its still useful to know this stuff to manage their behaviour and get them to listen and follow instructions in effective, gentle ways. For example, the tip about telling them what to do as opposed to saying "don't do that" is surprisingly effective when I use it!

Thank You! I’m currently struggling a lot with my 2.5 yo Son, this video is so simple and understandable I feel already supported and more calm. Motivated to use this knowledge asap 😎

Reading through the comments, I can say that i'm pleasantly surprised and happy for the people this video was helpful for.

This seems really good advice. Easy to follow and so clearly points out how the error happens. Also gotta say, I really appreciate this video just getting right to the point. No delay or lead-in.

@EmmaHubbard

Жыл бұрын

Thank you!

"It's bedtime!" That's a declaration. And if you as the parent keep doing whatever it is you're doing, you're modeling a declaration that means nothing. If your declaration is followed by ritual habits, then the declaration means *something*. It means preparing to go to sleep, such as brushing teeth, possibly a bath, putting on pajamas, etc. I rarely have to even consider discipline, because I'm doing everything with the child/children and we are enjoying the process together.

Yes I love the toddler info! I have a 20 month old and I’ve been hoping you’d put out more information on toddlers

Thank you so much, my toddler is 18 months old, you really help us to establish a very good relationship! I watched your potty training video, it was really well explained. You are a baby whisperer!!! 🥰

These techniques I have used as a teacher. Very practical and it works. Great explanation video.

Thank you for giving great examples. Sometimes we know what we should do but in the moment struggle to put them into practice.

Excellent video, really opened my eyes to what my wife and I are unintentionally doing to our daughters. Could you give a couple examples of "Immediate Consequences"? I like how every other point shares a real world example but this one seems to skip any. Thanks!

My wife has consistently had this problem with the kids, even up until today, when they are 10 & 12. It has caused her much heartache and drove a wedge in our relationship. Lots of fights and I can’t stand her yelling at the kids all the time. I keep telling her she needs to be more assertive, because I don’t have these problems. I am glad you have outlined it into specific steps because i was unable to, but this is what i was doing that worked for me. The kids listen to me, because if I say they have to do something, they have to do it. There is no option. And I give it my full attention, make sure to have their attention, and make it clear it is not a suggestion. And if I have to, there will be consequences. But at this point they just do it for me.

@ahe79

Жыл бұрын

Have you thought of using the same firm, but loving approach with your wife that you do with your kids? Sure, she is an adult. And yes, she is responsible for herself. But she likely learned bad habits herself. And/or is ineffective at follow through, due to stress in other areas of her life, such as your relationship. Has her patience and overreactions gotten worse over time? You have to look back at yourself as well to explore the full answer as to why. Usually, relationships issues are not one sided. Though from each person’s perspective, it can feel that way. Look, not one of us likes to be judged or reprimanded. Many times, we don’t use clear communication when expressing our concerns, and it can come across as chastising and telling someone they aren’t good enough, and how to be better. Because spouses are supposed to be equals in a partnership, one telling the other how to parent is likely to have the OPPOSITE effect intended. Pointing out how they listen to you and why isn’t actually helpful. If you two aren’t able to discuss things without one or both of you being offended, perhaps a competent counselor could guide you through. Even little things like this can become a seemingly unsurpassable mountain before either realizes it. Your kids deserve for you both to have a better relationship. It’s hard. Relationships. In ways we aren’t made fully aware of until we find ourselves in the thick of it. Then we either feel stuck and act like a caged animal, using poor coping skills that do more damage than soothe, or we run away, because it is easier, and we convince ourselves this is the only way to be happy. We make happiness our highest priority. When happiness is only the bonus of life that is not guaranteed. Yet we tend to feel it is our birthright, due to false messages from society. The priority should be our responsibilities, developing compassion and understanding, and learning what sacrifice truly means and how it is relevant to our personal progression in this life. I know it isn’t easy, but I have a feeling your wife has everything in her to be what your kids need her to be. It is harder to discover this and flower under duress, in particular for certain personality types. Maybe give her the same patience and care you show the kids. See her as the unfinished being that she is. If you’ve stopped believing in her potential, perhaps work on that. Maybe your grace and faith in her will be the catalyst she needs. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m NOT blaming you for her choices and behavior. I just know enough from experience and observation of others that when one partner has a complaint, while simultaneously pointing out how they do something correctly, there is usually more to the story. Even if one or both parties are not yet fully aware of the unhealthy dynamic that has formed. Let’s say there is nothing you could improve on. (but realistically, who among us DOESN’T have SOMEthing?) Sometimes taking the high road yields better results. And I don’t mean the holier than thou high road. I mean the humble and benefit of the doubt high road. Your negative feelings towards her will only translate to your kids, inadvertently. She has much to give, as you do. And you each have different strengths and weaknesses. Find a way to use this to your collective advantage. To become the unit you both desire and your kids need. Round each other out. Find reasons to praise her. Reinforce to your kids that they should respect mom. She doesn’t have to be perfect to be deserving of it. Just as your kids don’t have to be perfect to be deserving of respect and love. I truly hope you two find a way to communicate better so each is understood, without it causing too much harm to the other and to the relationship. You’ve made it this far, which says a lot. You aren’t alone. Most of us go through this stuff, in some way, shape or form. Although you couldn’t tell by how we tend to present ourselves in person and online. I guarantee the most seemingly perfect family has their challenges that may be unseen in public. I’m not an expert, nor have I mastered my own life and relationships. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t learned anything in my 43 years. You can overcome what sometimes appears impossible. Hope may wane, but don’t let it go entirely. The future is unwritten.

Thank you for the video! i've learnt a lot from just one video. As a new parent it's hard not to get frustrated with your child. This looks promising, will try it out!

You have precisely described my household, And I tried your solution. It worked wonders Thanks Emma

This was the best video I've seen of yours! Thank you! Sending it to family so we're on the same page ✨

Makes alot of sense thank you for you're content extremely helpful, I see now how I was contradicting my self.

As a preschool teacher, I really appreciate your video and advice. Thank you!!

Most key important here is to be honest and caring while doing these. Kids are very perceptive. Talk to them like a normal person that is age appropriate. Nobody likes being looked down on. When your kid realizes they are being understood, they will follow. Things are also easier for kids to do things when they do it together with their parents or guardians. Patience is important. Kids rely on you to learn, since they are on their learning stage and vulnerable to emotions. Please be nice to them.

I admit there is one part I worry about how this could be interpreted from my own psyche. The consequence part actually can enforce the not listening part cause of a fear response. I know this because of issues with how I myself reacted naturally to my father from the way he had raised me versus how I reacted to my mom. She was the one who did actually make sure to pay attention to the context while my father was the one who quickly raised his voice and attempt to also set in consequence. The two together dont necessarily help it either and I think that is something I see many people even in the comment section confuse. Much more emphasis should be put on the second part where in you focus on how you are communicating to the child themselves though consequence are still part of that. From research I myself have explored in relation to social and behavioral studies, this can become even more problematic when it is mxied with more authoritarian behaviors but when we understand more about what a "consequence" is and think about the rest of the video it can exemplify a lot of the often suggested to be beneficial "authoritative" response style that ensures truer understanding rather than focus on the consequence alone

@patmaurer8541

Жыл бұрын

I remember as a child being constantly upset by the behaviour of adults--disrespectful, demanding, and aggressive. I complied (resentfully) because they were bigger and stronger, and learned to strategize (lying, manipulation) to avoid conflict. Thankfully, as an adult, I read about P.E.T., a communication course developed by Dr Thomas Gordon. I learned how to interact with all ages of humans in ways that are mutually respectful and cooperative. Everyone's needs get met and the home is full of trust, peace, and fun! ❤

@jeanjaz

Жыл бұрын

When I'm helping young parents and telling them about "consequences" one of the first things I tell them is whatever you and your spouse have decided the consequences are to be, they are NEVER to be administered in anger. The main goal of discipline -- teaching a child to obey -- is teaching a child self-discipline. Anger does not promote self-discipline. With self-discipline, a child will grow up to go to eat their veggies before their dessert, go to sleep instead of watching TV, do homework instead of playing video games. Another great reason to teach your child to obey immediately is SAFETY. When your child doesn't run away from you in a parking lot, steps away from the edge of a pool when you ask, doesn't run into a street when they see a dog. As an adult who has been taught obedience without anger, they will follow instructions from authority figures (teachers, police, supervisors) with respect. Respect and boundaries. They are key in raising a child to be healthy, happy, and a successful member of society.

You can give the child a heads up that things are changing from playtime to bedtime, etc., too. That way your telling them it’s bedtime actually means it’s bedtime, rather than that becoming an ineffectual first or second comment from you. It also gives the child some autonomy and an opportunity for learning to plan the end of things, since it’s not just sprung on them when they’re in the middle of something.

@cathykrueger4899

4 ай бұрын

The heads up can also trigger all kinds of other behavior. Like saying they’re hungry. Or suddenly launching into sone kind of hyperactive play. Or running away. Or throwing a tantrum.

I always gave a reminder a couple of minutes prior, when possible, then just as you described I made sure it happened when I gave the instructions . He is grown up now.

Agreed, except that “Please” is dishonest if you’re not giving them a choice. Just tell them calmly and if they continue the behavior after one instruction to do something better, calmly apply the consequences. Shouting and repetition are not good for either of you. I’ve heard some parents say, “I love you too much to let you be a (bad behavior) person,” which seems like a positive approach

So true! I always get involve in my toddler's playtime/activity and listen to his demands while playing before I get him to follow my orders. Have to be fair and toddler's learn thru the parent's examples.

Great advice and so well explained. I’ll have to show this video to my husband. I was trying to explain this exact same concept, but struggling. Thank you ❤️

@EmmaHubbard

Жыл бұрын

Thanks Kate! Hope it helps 😀

This is a great video everything on it will help ensure success with your toddlers I have had eight toddlers now and I’ve used these techniques and have remarkably well behaved toddlers. All eight children are extremely different and personally yet each one responded well to these tips these are great tips.

Right on. Thanks for sharing.

Always solid advice on this channel. Thanks for sharing

As a parent, I can assure you that this will work! Good advices.

This works with my 5,7 and 12 yr old boys, too. Thank you. Never too late to do the right thing.

Good on you for saying to crouch to their level.

Thank you for the insight!❤

Do you have any more videos about consequences for toddlers? That’s my biggest one. LOVE giving instructions in positive instead of a negative - it’s what I learned in teacher training for teaching high schoolers 🙃

Excellent! Thank you

Thank You Emma.. That was very helpful

In the U.S., this is very common among poorer households.Typically, it leads to schools that must resort to harsher and strict discipline because students are used to parents yelling before they comply and respond to teachers the same - or worse.

Yes that’s a good tip about packing up toys. I take care of a class of kids on Sundays and they love going outside but only after they pick up the toys!

Thanks for such an insightful video.

Thanks, this is really helpful! I'm struggling with "consequences" part, cause I don't know what I can do

Thank you for the very helpful advice!

Dear Emma, Thank you for sharing this! So helpful for our 2 1/2 yo who is refusing to pick up toys and other tasks. I look forward to viewing more of your content. Thank you again.

@learnenglishwithauntyjeanp1646

Жыл бұрын

Try doing the task with a child that age. It aften works better than expecting them to do the whole lot themselves.

@pinkjellyb123

Жыл бұрын

@@learnenglishwithauntyjeanp1646 yeh I agree with u on that

@misscarmen491

Жыл бұрын

@@learnenglishwithauntyjeanp1646 Thank you. I will do that!

Great point!

Great advice! Thanks

So glad I came across your page!!!!! You have helped so much! I appreciate you!

@EmmaHubbard

Жыл бұрын

Thanks so much!❤️

In retrospect(my kids are almost 40+/-) I didn't have these problems with my children. That doesn't mean I didn't have them, it just means that behavioral issues weren't so much of an issue that they take up memory space in my brain, so I must have done ok. My daughter had her first child about 9 mos ago. She told me that she had a great childhood and that I was a wonderful mother. It was the single most wonderful thing anyone ever said to me. Anyway, my point is, when you're dealing with your kids, always treat them with respect, love and common sense. It'll all work out (Unless they're psychopaths, in which case, I don't know what I'm talking about).

Excellent 👍! I’ll try this with my toddler students.

Pause devices and toys is huge. Eyes are sensory organs, taking in simulation for their brains. These are all really good points. Looking forward to desirable activity, after non desirable activity, is also huge!

Thanks for your video, good easy to understand

I had three sons. I would say “can someone take out the trash?” My middle son always got right up and took out the trash. I missed him when he left home…😊

Figured this out on my own doing Foster care for high care kids, counting to 3 is the same thing essentially and the kids would wait till you hit that number, than I started implementing time outs instantly for not following instructions, time out is super nanny magic, kids were listening first time nearly every time with in a few days.

Great advice. I feel like my babe is learning not to listen since my dog is going deaf and o repeat myself all the time 🤦‍♀️

You are a star! Many thanks for all the tips... such a precious resource.

@EmmaHubbard

Жыл бұрын

No worries at all! I am glad I can help!

Another amazing video! Thank you Emma ❤️ love from Texas

@EmmaHubbard

Жыл бұрын

Yay! Thank you!

Great advices Emma! Thank you

@EmmaHubbard

Жыл бұрын

You're so welcome!

As I listen to this, I can't help but think of this new age thing that I see a lot of parents do where they start the whole counting thing ... they'll often give the warning, "I'm going to give you to the count of three!" I actually encountered this sort of thing when we were reluctantly forced into the position of having to Foster our grandchildren. I was renowned for interrupting such episodes saying, "I'm going to count to one!" They very quickly learned to listen to me the first time I said anything. Children don't come out of the womb particularly well educated, but that does not mean in any way that they are not smart. Kids, like most living creatures, are capable of observing and learning from patterns. Ultimately, they are a product of what you teach them.

Emma Hubbard, great video! What about putting toys away before bedtime/naptime? My Lo doesn’t want to go down for nap or bed, nor does she want to pick up her toys, so I’m having a hard time with a natural consequence for resisting putting toys away. She’s 18 months.

Your toddler doesn't pay attention to you because you don't pay attention to him/her unless YOU need something. This is how adults treat each other. Just treat your child as an actual child, give him/her constant attention, prioritize him/her over adults and he/she will always listen to you.

@leonardonetagamer

Жыл бұрын

This! My mother did this and minus a few occasions I always listened. It also helped that God was in the mix, so raise your kids to fear God, and get yourself and them saved!

@ursulasmith6402

Жыл бұрын

@@leonardonetagamer yes, absolutely

@argusfleibeit1165

Жыл бұрын

@@leonardonetagamer How utterly creepy. Do you threaten eternal damnation from imaginary forces, instead of just accepting you are the power in their lives? Way to end up with a bunch of atheist teenagers in the house.

@leonardonetagamer

Жыл бұрын

@@argusfleibeit1165 I didn't end up atheist, so my mother did something right, and ill be doing the same. You are the creep, probably gonna change your kids gender using surgery the moment they say they like something different.

@ahe79

Жыл бұрын

@@argusfleibeit1165 That’s a pretty flippant response. Are you always this judgmental? I was raised Christian, but have become atheist in my adulthood. My children (19, 18 & 15) all consider themselves Christian, (no specific denomination or church attendance) despite not being raised as such. I did, however, teach my children to respect all beliefs, (or rather, a person’s right to their beliefs) even if they don’t agree with them. You know, common courtesy. We’re all here trying to figure this thing out, and not one of us can prove the other wrong, when it comes to the existence (or not) of deities. We each have a right to believe what we wish. It’d be nice if we didn’t get insulted for our personal journey by those who disagree.

Love your channel. Your advice has really helped me feel more confident as a mum. Xx

@EmmaHubbard

Жыл бұрын

I'm so glad!

As a teacher and a parent, I really agree with this.

Great advice 💚

Useful advice for teachers as well.

Thank you Emma

Thank you!

Thanks for this. Have you got a video about consequences?

emma💖 as a first time mama to a toddler this video is perfect timing! i’m guilty of doing these things and will be implementing your advice thank you!💖💖💖💖💖

@EmmaHubbard

Жыл бұрын

I'm so glad it's helpful! 😀

@Dana-mb1hd

Жыл бұрын

@@iamwhoyousayiam6773 thank you so much i needed to hear that today!!!!! i’m trying to be the best mama i can but some days i fall short. thank you for the kind words 💖

I have a three year old brother. I love him but sometimes it is hard to communicate with little ones. Thanks for the video.