For all of you concerned about my eyes being red, it was because I had been wearing contacts all day and I had to switch them out, and that whole process of switching them made my eyes red. I was not high. Drugs are a sin. I've never ever done any weed before and there's actually no evidence you could find online that I have done weed. Sorry!

@C4YA_

2 жыл бұрын

💀💀💀

@ThatCroewGuy

2 жыл бұрын

It's clearly because you were crying, because the movie was just THAT beautiful

@hailthealgorithm1059

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Mr.Ted Nivison for clarifying that. No one should ever experience the suggestion of accidentally ingesting a 400 mg edible. That would be sin.

@zerocen6930

2 жыл бұрын

"the accidental 400mg edible" video on sidebar

@danielhackman612

2 жыл бұрын

Trump tweet

8:50 "Sometimes a no means maybe" is the most predatory thing I've heard all day. Chris for sure ain't right in the head.

@AxxLAfriku

2 жыл бұрын

SCHOOL! The answer is I don't go! Why go? I am famous. I am famous. I have more fans than fingers multiplied with toes multiplied with teeth multiplied with ears. I am famous. I am famous. SCHOOL? No, thanks. KZread FAME? Yes. Good day, dear cal

@lunarcod7187

2 жыл бұрын

@@AxxLAfriku sad

@idontwantmyrealnameonhere5955

2 жыл бұрын

@@AxxLAfriku down horrendous

@demonchilde6664

2 жыл бұрын

@@AxxLAfriku He's lost himself

@oxhens9419

2 жыл бұрын

Alright, so I spent a good 3 minutes doing the math and have figured it out. So we’re multiplying the amount of fingers (10), the amount of toes (10), the amount of teeth (average human has about 32 teeth with wisdom teeth and 28 without, so we’ll do both just for fun), and finally the amount of ears (2). So we start off with 10 • 10 which is 100, then we do 100 • 32 (wisdom teeth included) which is 3200 or we could do 100 • 28 (without wisdom teeth) which is 2800, finally we times 3200 (or 2800) by 2 to get 6400 (or 5600). Basically this person has more than 6400 (or 5600) fans. Signed, Someone who had too much time on their hands.

Ah yes, Chris. The most important character in the Old Testament.

@theman6422

2 жыл бұрын

Chris T. Ian, my favorite character

@TenzinBeifongIII

2 жыл бұрын

@@theman6422 you stole my damn comment, take my like you jerk

@beastfitsmagee3769

2 жыл бұрын

Jesus Chris our lord and savior 🙏

@ImTheLetterP

2 жыл бұрын

@@beastfitsmagee3769 Chris Chan? Oh, I mean Jesus Christine Weston Ricardo Chandler Sonichu of Nazareth

@sharky99

2 жыл бұрын

Chris!!! My bible man

"Thou shalt not kickflip" Was my least favorite rule growing up in Catholic school

@someone-gi5lq

Ай бұрын

the lost 11th commandment

The mentality of not doing bad things because they are wrong, but not doing bad things because god will punish you is always what pisses me off the most

@spoony8485

3 ай бұрын

Yea that’s kinda how Christianity works. I mean, all of the 7 deadly sins are sins specifically because you don’t keep god in your best interest when doing them, Not because they are morally wrong. There are even Christian’s who wholeheartedly believe that atheists are inherently rapists and murderers because they don’t have a god to tell them not to do something.

@jonasamon9091

2 ай бұрын

I agree with the sentiment, but people simply won't do the right thing without consequences.

@sasariwtf

2 ай бұрын

@@jonasamon9091 some people*

@SomebodywithaYouTubeaccount

2 ай бұрын

Agreed. That’s an eternal struggle of humanity

@cakecwkecake7479

2 ай бұрын

thats not really the mentality people have dude

i liked the part in the movie where joshua said "where's the land i was promised" and then he got really angry and set fire to an orphanage

@redmist6630

2 жыл бұрын

but the mom has a mane even tho shes a lioness. you know what? thats the least thing wrong with this movie

@schlorping5156

2 жыл бұрын

@@redmist6630 trans rights i guess?

@nickk8054

2 жыл бұрын

Time?

@redmist6630

2 жыл бұрын

@@schlorping5156 clutch answer w

@obamium3020

2 жыл бұрын

Really nailing that Old Testament vibe

That lion dad is lucky he's in a Christian film, 'cause I'm pretty sure aggression displays like "baring your teeth at a lioness" just earn you a violent ass-kicking in real lion culture

@AxxLAfriku

2 жыл бұрын

NO, NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME! why should i waste my time at school? i am super famous on youtube. tell me, dear cace

@big_sea

2 жыл бұрын

yes

@humormethis9014

2 жыл бұрын

@@AxxLAfriku wrong number

@caitlinistired1050

2 жыл бұрын

‘lion culture’

@manboy4720

2 жыл бұрын

that'd get yo ass WHOOPED

my 17 year old brother just walked in my room, looked at the screen and said "this guy looks like when shrek turned into a human"

@saultz3406

Жыл бұрын

Lol that’s awesome

@baileyrodgers4276

3 ай бұрын

Give him some creatine and a gym membership and you’re 100

@duggyrulz85

3 ай бұрын

@@baileyrodgers4276don't forget the 400mg edible

@midgets4life97

2 ай бұрын

He's right 😂

@birdlady1523

2 ай бұрын

No, no that’s GunnarTV lolol

The ghosts interaction with Joshua is like actually dangerous to show to children it normalizes the most suspicious and dangerous things you should be telling kids to avoid

@kinashy8863

Жыл бұрын

I totally agree

@nickythehickey

Жыл бұрын

“sometimes no means maybe” -how to create both rapists and rape victims in a single sentence

@spacebar_key4207

10 ай бұрын

the pastors gotta do SOMETHING to pass the time okay man give them a break

@Napkin05

6 ай бұрын

​@@spacebar_key4207🤨

@dogf421

3 ай бұрын

a lot of horribly fucked up things are normalized in christian society

“They killed a baby” Joshua says calmly, showing no emotion.

@unironicallygae8614

2 жыл бұрын

Why did this make me think of the "baby in the oven" song- /lh

@amberhernandez

2 жыл бұрын

"He appears devoid of emotion, uncaring about the situation or its consequences." - JCS Criminal Psychology

@arryyy2113

2 жыл бұрын

I thought this said "knowing no emotion" which is far far scarier

@M0SS3__

2 жыл бұрын

@@arryyy2113 you’re right holy shit

@AndGoatz04

2 жыл бұрын

"They milled a baby." :L

on schlatt's jenga stream the other day i literally heard ted mention that "moses slaughtered people for worshiping a golden calf" and i was so confused bc it was so out of pocket BUT IT MAKES SENSE NOW LMAOO HE STILL HAD THE MOVIE ON HIS MIND

@keonarr2903

2 жыл бұрын

I mean who doesn’t? 🕺🏻

@froodlenoodle

2 жыл бұрын

ted goes in character and before you know it, you are REPENTING FOR YOUR SINS

@themm2271

2 жыл бұрын

Ted lore?????

@CyanDreams

2 жыл бұрын

I thought it was an incorrect history joke. But no! You’re right!

@braydenhopkins3634

2 жыл бұрын

I didn't know "Schlatt" did a Jenga stream

As a Christian I am ashamed I didn’t grow up with this masterpiece.

@JeffjustJeff5117

Жыл бұрын

😂me too! It’s such a shame man

@realperson7649

Жыл бұрын

5 pogging Moses and 1 angry Pharoah

@MarkFromNextDoor

Жыл бұрын

as someone who is anti-religious, i too am ashamed I didn't see such a glorious film

@peytonsito7147

Жыл бұрын

Honestly….😢😢

@rianwinters3417

Жыл бұрын

@@realperson7649 that line had me in tears

I love how this is trying to be a moral lesson for kids, when the moral of the story is "if you arent perfect, you are just as bad as baby murderers, and will be killed."

@Berryations

9 ай бұрын

Yeah without the redemption of Christ this is pretty wild

You’ve made it Ted…my grandma now loves your content.

@ebbindodds3826

2 жыл бұрын

Wow now that's surprising

@19DannyBoy65

2 жыл бұрын

Ted is the GILF master

@KingNedya

2 жыл бұрын

@@19DannyBoy65 I didn't need to know that that is a thing.

@unironicallygae8614

2 жыл бұрын

@@19DannyBoy65 true, he gets all that dry-/j (not gonna finish that sentence)

@qaiwiwi

2 жыл бұрын

@@19DannyBoy65 Are you serious.

I choked on my breakfast at "This ghost is a registered sex offender!" and very nearly saw God. At least the movie is effective?

@meltwire

2 жыл бұрын

what does this comment even mean

@lunarionx8093

2 жыл бұрын

XD

@DragonFIames

2 жыл бұрын

lol

@shuruff904

2 жыл бұрын

@@meltwire it's not that hard to comprehend....are u European or Asian? Maybe German?..really.....

@drivethroughthearttracksla6736

2 жыл бұрын

God says game ending yourself is a sin, so all this movie is is a loophole to legally see god after an early death from choking to death. Bravo, very brave

Chris is 100% not allowed within 1000 feet of a school

Throughout the movie, Chris gave such creep and manipulator vibes I was constantly questioning his true intentions.

I just realized that every character in the film was one of Joshua’s toys on the shelf that Chris the Static Angel decided to peek at.

@TheOGBeezy

2 жыл бұрын

WHAT

@cocaquialism8140

2 жыл бұрын

Holy fuck

@cocosolis8240

2 жыл бұрын

That's an actual creative way to reuse models

@guytheguy2642

2 жыл бұрын

Chekovs Toys

@thenerd5992

2 жыл бұрын

@@catloversunite1155 Chris, please save me.

I'm 90% sure that the reason this looks so bad is that they spent all of their budget on the destruction physics in the last scene.

@sambradley9091

2 жыл бұрын

there is no budget, it was a passion project that took 4 years

@suned3128

2 жыл бұрын

@@sambradley9091 damn, what a waste

@Eking-su3tr

2 жыл бұрын

@@sambradley9091 4 yrs? Oof

@samuelclark6714

2 жыл бұрын

Naw, they spent most of it on weed.

@spencykings3182

2 жыл бұрын

im like four minutes in and i'm... pretty sure the house model is the same as who's your daddy

2:42 - They may not even be talking about their whole house when they say "den". A lot of people refer to the family room or living room as a den instead. So, instead of a single, small, insignificant change, they may have just made no changes whatsoever.

as an ex-christian this was several layers of batshit insane to watch and ngl kinda cathartic. it feels like being half asleep and dissociating with a friend as you talk about your childhood lol

‘Also, who is this tiger character? He is absolutely fucking goated, hes like the John Wick of the bible’ that will FOREVER be one of my favorite Ted quotes

@Shiffyyes

2 жыл бұрын

I really like “a rating of 4 pogging Moseses, and 1 angry pharoh.” I don’t know the rating system but it won’t stop me from using it all the time. I’m adding ‘stone-faced Joshua’ and ‘goated tiger’.

@amberc6403

2 жыл бұрын

I literally was reading this and he said it as i was reading it. Made it twice as funny

@erinw.9256

Жыл бұрын

Bruh I love this thread

@LuzuraHater

Жыл бұрын

Yo thanks Ted for liking my comment! Love ur content 🫶 love the fact ur still going through old comments :)

Saberspark got his community together to reanimate Joshua and the Promised Land, I highly reccomend watching it! Lots of biblically accurate angels 😌

@mitchie-baby2161

2 жыл бұрын

The reanimated version was so amazing, best thing I've watched in 2022 so far, I hope ted sees it as well

@leoultimaupgraded9914

2 жыл бұрын

It’s really awesome yea, everyone did fantastic work on that collab

@Ramquesting

2 жыл бұрын

NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

@emdo8437

2 жыл бұрын

Biblically "accurate" angels are fucking terrifying

@theunepicgamer3066

2 жыл бұрын

@@emdo8437 by “ ‘accurate’ ” do you mean that the chapter that everyone refers to is high symbolic and not literal.

23:45 it’s the same situation the kids in Narnia went through. They lived their lives and then had to go back to being kids again,,,

Can I just say, the demon people were just born like that? And we’re literally just doing their own thing, and then their land just gets taken? this reminds me of something but I can’t quite put my finger on it

@gloryiusgessepi2381

Жыл бұрын

You’re right, wasn’t called something like crusades?

@blumist4332

Жыл бұрын

@@gloryiusgessepi2381 Yeah, there’s another word I think it was um..Colonisation? I’m not sure, could be wrong

@gloryiusgessepi2381

Жыл бұрын

@@blumist4332 I thought you were going on about the crusades, but I suppose they’re basically the same thing, just colonisation being the umbrella term.

@Idran

Жыл бұрын

@@gloryiusgessepi2381 given that the promised land is the future location of Israel I found a third subject in the same general area to compare it to

@randriu1221

Жыл бұрын

i think there is another comparision, ugh israel taking land from palestine and fucking killing innocent people?

The fact that this movie is legitimately just a one-man project made in a guy’s basement and most likely voiced by people he knows is the part that gets me.

@nightstar6179

2 жыл бұрын

That makes it a little less bad to me. To be fair, i probably wouldn't do any better

@aydensmith8668

2 жыл бұрын

this amazes me and scares me

@Irreverent_Radiation

2 жыл бұрын

@@nightstar6179 if someone cooks a horrible, shit filled dinner you can say that it's terrible even if you don't know how to cook

@Irreverent_Radiation

Жыл бұрын

@@garfaaldo "Making a movie? *hits his bong cracks dick* Please, call an ambulance"

@cherie..cherry

Жыл бұрын

@@Irreverent_Radiation true. But IMO, it’s still impressive to make a whole movie by yourself whether it is good or not. Cooking requires effort, yes but not as much as producing an entire movie.

I feel at 27:14 the reason they apologized so quickly was they felt the aura of a 44 year old with years of combat experience who killed the literal devil in the body of their 7 year old son. I would too

@chrono9503

2 жыл бұрын

I don’t have a goo comment here I’m just gonna tell you that you have 600 likes

@erinw.9256

2 жыл бұрын

I mean for real tho

@eivinkringen4725

Жыл бұрын

They read is power level and said “I ain’t fucking with this”

@JellybeansDrawings

Жыл бұрын

Lol 😂

@exzyyd392

Жыл бұрын

He walked in and they heard his boss fight music start

11:23 really just hit the griddy whilst with Moses.

As a Christian, I can confirm that this scares the living snot out of me.

“This ghost is a registered sex offender. Everything this guy has said other than a lesson about God has been sus.” Ah, so he’s a _priest._ Gotcha.

@vinniebeloved3023

2 жыл бұрын

the way i cackled at this oh my god

@guy136

2 жыл бұрын

That killed me💀

@bashingmyheadintothewall

2 жыл бұрын

THATS WHAT I SAID I WAS LIKE "HOLY SHIT MAN THATS SOME SEX OFFENDER SHIT WHAT THA FUCK-?!"

@DHawkBeats

2 жыл бұрын

This is funny but it also hurts lmao

@theweepingskull9839

Жыл бұрын

Lmao bruh

I feel so sorry for all the Sunday school kids that were involuntarily subjected to this

14:14 this needs to be recreated with good animation cause oh my god that sounds like the most badass entrance to battle ever

@Epic11705

8 ай бұрын

14:19 You can literally see them dive straight at the enemy 😆

@pilazpilaz

Ай бұрын

there's a whole reanimated Joshua and the Promised Land on KZread!

I think the worst part about this movie is the ending. It's literally teaching children "If you learn about God, your parents will stop arguing and being abusive" What the actual fuck man

@barrothontherocks3325

2 жыл бұрын

would have made more sense if maybe joshua busted in the door and made them say grace or something at the table and that's what magically fixed everything

@anstupid4093

2 жыл бұрын

@@barrothontherocks3325 How tf would that have made more sense

@barrothontherocks3325

2 жыл бұрын

@@anstupid4093 anything makes more sense than him killing the devil and magically fixing a failing marriage somehow

@skyebeyea4282

2 жыл бұрын

Instructions unclear, I read the necronomicon /j

@ZekromAndYugiAndDrago123

2 жыл бұрын

I mean that's arguably not even the worst lesson they teach, given that earlier they say "If a strange man appears in your room, and wants you to come with him not knowing where you're going, go with him, no questions asked!"

This movie was dragged from the deep dark depths of hell to teach us a *biblically accurate* story about a lion with emotionally abusive parents

@sari9645

2 жыл бұрын

I audibly laughed at this

@emmepatr7197

2 жыл бұрын

pretty much, yeah

@justinmartin4662

2 жыл бұрын

Except that’s it’s not biblically accurate.

@justinmartin4662

2 жыл бұрын

Like most of Christianity, most Christians have cherry picked out all the parts they don’t like.

@itzjobi

2 жыл бұрын

@@justinmartin4662 No Justin I assure you.. it is biblically accurate.

“A sizable portfolio of trauma,” is a great description for the entirety of the Bible

This is probably my most replayed video ever. I don't know why but whenever I feel bad youtube just recommends it again and I can't help watching it. I've been struggling with a bunch of mental health problems recently and I just wanted to say thank you for cheering me up ❤

@stephendonovan9084

3 ай бұрын

Hey, sorry I know I'm just an internet stranger who can't really help in a very meaningful way, but I hope that situation improves for you. If there is in fact a way that an internet stranger could help you, like if you just need someone to talk to, I guess feel free to let me know? But otherwise, just offering my condolences

@HikariHolic

3 ай бұрын

from one person with mental health conditions to another! i hope things get better for you soon! i also equally love this video and have it on a comfort watch playlist when im not feeling great

Kinda crazy how right he is when he said: "They died for laws they didnt even knew"

@Bacon2000.

2 жыл бұрын

It was murder and enslavement they should know it's wrong

@lunaliciousgeek

Жыл бұрын

"that were made L A S T W E E K"

@bungiecrimes7247

Жыл бұрын

To me being racist was always said to be a bad thing a second ago. Soooooo... Not my fault I committed a hate crime. 👉👈😌

@davycard760

Жыл бұрын

Congrats, you summarized the Bible in 8 words

@jesuschristbutafab9923

Жыл бұрын

imagine ur in the afterlife and you find out why you got genocided and its just like: "uh...yeahhh so apparently the hot new religion doesn't like when people don't follow their rules soooo....yeahhhh all ur people are kinda basically dead...even the kids!" "....WHAT"

As a secular Jewish person, who knows very little about the Bible (all my knowledge comes from school classes), this is probably the most inaccurate representation of the Moses story that I have ever seen

@emdo8437

2 жыл бұрын

As an orthadox Jewish person who's been studying each section of the bible every week for the past six months, this is one of the most inaccurate representations of the Torah I've ever seen

@doubleslashkarma

2 жыл бұрын

Adding to this, as a Methodist Christian who has taken Catholic religion classes, this is the weirdest depiction of the story of Moses in both Protestant and Catholic Bibles that has ever cursed my eyes. It's *vaguely* accurate? About... some things? I don't What

@justayeet5905

2 жыл бұрын

As a nondenominational Christian who’s been trying to study the Bible. This is very confusing to my brain

@dippyfresh8155

2 жыл бұрын

As an atheist, what the hell is happening in this movie

@omegaflowey7436

2 жыл бұрын

@@dippyfresh8155 dude, ya dont need to say you're an atheist. No one knows.

25:25 and while this is happening there's like the most happy, kirby track sounding song playing as if thousands of people aren't dying in seconds

Joshua says “They killed a baby” too calmly. There’s some tenderness in his voice, but watching a town murder a baby is quite different from war. I wish they had him read the line very choked up. Barely able to get the words out

"We're gonna go on a little trip" is the last thing Ted said to me before he broke my dad's arm and dropped me off in the Yukon

@theradmadlad7681

2 жыл бұрын

"We're gonna go on a little trip" is the last thing Ted said to me before he committed vehicular manslaughter and took us on a high speed police chase

@massdysfunkton

2 жыл бұрын

“We’re gonna go on a little trip” is the last thing Ted said to me before he stole my kneecaps and broke into a NASA facility to send me on a one way trip into the sun

@ABucketOfFish

2 жыл бұрын

“We’re gonna go on a little trip” is the last thing Ted said before dumping 30 drops of high concentrated acid on my tongue and forcing me to watch Joshua and The Promised Land for 12 hours straight.

@Chrokosaur

2 жыл бұрын

"We're gonna go on a little trip" is the last thing Ted said to me before he turned into an athropomorphic walrus and drove my car into the sea.

I'm so glad the only Christian content I was subjected to as a child was veggie tales and the prince of Egypt and not whatever I just witnessed

@boohoobibsi

2 жыл бұрын

for being christian veggietales still slaps

@emeraldelm3140

2 жыл бұрын

same

@solgerWhyIsThereAnAtItLooksBad

2 жыл бұрын

Behold, the only 2 watchable christian anythings

@WyvernTheLost

2 жыл бұрын

Listen, doesn't matter what you believe, Veggitales was, is, and forever will be the pinnacle of child's tv.

@yourviewer7984

2 жыл бұрын

@Qwilldred I don’t know if I should thank you for the nostalgia trip, or curse you for getting that song stuck in my head-

This movie looks like it's going to take a really disturbing turn at any moment

@friendlyneigborhoodbean

5 ай бұрын

It did... Multiple times

This honestly looks like it was made in the backrooms. Imagine how scary it would be watching this in a dark room without the music.

@CalmestRaccoon

10 ай бұрын

At least Technoblade never dies.

The lion-parent argument unlocked my memories of that facade game. “tinkering with that car again, trip?” “its my day off, grace!”

@copper9687

2 жыл бұрын

Melon.

@ScoopedKiwis

2 жыл бұрын

They sound so eerily similar

@50blessings52

2 жыл бұрын

@@copper9687 *stares at you awkwardly for 3 seconds* *Game crashes*

@streetlightstray1568

2 жыл бұрын

MCDONALDS NAD YOU

@spacetrashfallingdown

2 жыл бұрын

@@copper9687 😮😠 Okay, I think it's your time to leave.

You know, one of the best things about Ted is that even at 1.17 MILLION subscribers, he STILL goes through and likes people's different comments. That's just so cool of him, what a super guy. Ted, you're a real super guy.

@TedNivison

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks! yeah I kinda just check the comments of the new videos throughout the week to see how people liked it!

@grimmyboi

2 жыл бұрын

@@TedNivison this video inspired me to watch the full movie and I think my soul is gone now

@lemonade1457

2 жыл бұрын

@@grimmyboi omg you are now one with CRIS

@KingZedusPrime2009TyrentKaiju

2 жыл бұрын

@@TedNivison I liked the video, but whats with the part where you started ranting about how much you love to boil dogs? I mean it wasn't in context to the movie, and you just kept talking about how much you love killing and boiling dogs. Not that cool man.

@fazeelk7171

2 жыл бұрын

@@KingZedusPrime2009TyrentKaiju Yo Ted's Based?!?

I'll give him some credit because as a person who has studied animation, animating a movie all by yourself ain't easy. 3-D animation is even harder due to the UV mapping and texturing. If he had multiple people animating this, I would have judged him.

@3mindrebel

5 ай бұрын

There is no excuse for this movie, there are one-person 3D animations studios that have reasonable character design, at least

15:45 I mean if I saw God I would probably would be making the same face.

@NauticalTurtle

Ай бұрын

real

I like how Joshua just hit the griddy when chasing a quail like hold up bro im getting sturdy

@bingdinggold1877

2 жыл бұрын

That sentence gave me as much whiplash as the entire movie

@w0zvo

Жыл бұрын

Yeah

@fukkthisnewupdate8882

Жыл бұрын

I'm still trying to decipher it

@FancyMcSchmancy

Жыл бұрын

it’s like trying to decipher the rosette stone backwards while drunk

@DarlingMissDarling

8 ай бұрын

Lol "hold up bro, I'm gettin sturdy" just made me cackle like a cartoon witch stirring a cauldron 💀

joshua was actually moses' right hand man so not only did chris put joshua in a random ass person, he put a CHILD in one of the most important roles in the journey

@ryanweeks6118

Жыл бұрын

To fight in a war. Good thing there’s no gore ig

@vsptylore3639

6 ай бұрын

And I mean, what about kid Joshua's problems made this story relevant? His parents were going to divorce, what about that was explained or solved by making Joshua fight a war and then starve in a desert for 40 years?

As a child, I would get put in the kids’ daycare/Sunday-school room. The PUPPETS used for EVERYTHING were TERRIFYING. There was a long, tall blue one with that goofy, deep, clown voice that haunt children’s nightmares. I was petrified by that one to the point of sobbing and begging for my parents several times as the ushers were trying to find them in a massive church. The girl tried to reassure me that they were on the way, but I needed them to get me outta that room immediately. That happened each time, so my parents just brought me into the main church. (I cried there bc if you’re trying to sing praises loud enough to reach high heaven, it’s also loud enough to make young ears bleed. I had to stuff paper towel bits into my ears to dampen the sheer volume of an Episcopalian choir.) I grew up attending a mega church. The preaching style and judgy parts didn’t sit right with me, so I follow podcast sermons every now and then. I’m probably a Red Letter Christian now because I know they’re are metaphors and ancient cultures that are important context for the Bible. I’m bisexual, and I think that’s just fine based on monks’ interpretations.

This is what I think when people refer to things “acid to the eyes” like there’s something so uncanny and difficult to watch ab this…

Saberspark’s reanimated version of this movie is by far one of the greatest abominations I’ve ever seen in my life. There’s the perfect amount of people genuinely trying their best, people just shitposting, and furries. And the different interpretations of Chris really top it all off.

@JoshuaAndres

Жыл бұрын

It’s a disasterpiece

@thequeenofcringe1585

Жыл бұрын

@@JoshuaAndres one of the best disasterpieces I’ve ever seen tbh

@krisdiane

Жыл бұрын

@@thequeenofcringe1585 link? It sounds perfect. 😂

@JPmax4ever

Жыл бұрын

Link?

@Taiakami777

Жыл бұрын

The furries were the best part

I remember watching this movie as a child i swear to God. I went to a really weird private school and they showed this movie to us. I vividly remember that after I had the worst nightmare I've ever had- after that night I couldn't sleep alone for a month I am dead serious

@tomtomtrent

2 жыл бұрын

Was your dream a multi-year experience of your namesake? Did some weird predatory bear take you to live the life of the biblical Hannah?

@riley_6363

2 жыл бұрын

That's a whole different flavor of religious trauma

@acorntea

2 жыл бұрын

@@riley_6363 lemon flavor

@Cosmerii

2 жыл бұрын

Chris found his next child to kidnap and take on a very obviously safe trip

@acorntea

2 жыл бұрын

@@Cosmerii little einsteins moment

Adapting Exodus for a child's movie is insane. Literally a story about escaped slaves committing a genocide to establish a theocratic ethnostate.

I never thought that the question "are humans canon?" would be one that I ever have to ask.

Best thing about your channel is that the random ass topics you cover make them really fun to show to new people

@andersn4931

Жыл бұрын

Agree

Ted Nivison does not want to show off his sins to the creators of this movie, or he would surely be persecuted.

@DooMBucket117

2 жыл бұрын

I smell botted likes

@RandomUser11170

2 жыл бұрын

@@DooMBucket117 If they are botted, I didn't do it, so don't come after me

@bananacat3109

2 жыл бұрын

well then as the bible says, he will be sacred. “blessed are those who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness”

I want Ted to play a concerning yet comedic villain, it would work so well lol

Joshua chasing the quails while hitting the griddy is now forever engrained in my brain

This is the only movie I've ever seen where I think it would be LESS creepy if the animals were anatomically correct.

@monhi64

Жыл бұрын

To be clear you want them to be red rocketed up and that will make this less weird? Are we sure about this chief lol

@MarkFromNextDoor

Жыл бұрын

@@monhi64 what? I'm pretty sure just look like animals in a kid friendly way so you know without red rockets and such

@phifuru

Жыл бұрын

@@monhi64 dawg what

The happy flute music over the destruction of Jericho was truly a choice someone made. Idk if that choice was made by the actual filmmakers or Ted but either way what a choice

@ISimp4FictionalAndEmoMen

Жыл бұрын

I'm pretty damn sure it was the filmmakers choice

@michaelangel888

Жыл бұрын

I'm pretty sure that all choices are choices someone's made.... Or do I completely misunderstand the entire concept of choices and how things come to be?

@iwtbwiw

Жыл бұрын

yayyy! the absolute fucking demolition of an entire city including children using giant-ass hammers!

@JacksonDeeds

10 ай бұрын

@@michaelangel888😐 you sound like you kill the vibe of every room you’ve ever walked into.

I liked the part where joshua said “it’s joshin’ time,” and joshed all over the bad guys

18:39 Dear Saberspark viewer, here's what you're looking for

The idea of a character going through a 40 year long dream as a kid is actually a cool concept for a film.

@MrTophatter

Жыл бұрын

Isn't that basically what happened In the first Narnia book?

@fukkthisnewupdate8882

Жыл бұрын

Isn't that kinda the plot of Junji Ito's The Long Dream?

I love how Ted rightfully calls out how slavery is morally wrong, but ignores baby murder.

@grumlinfunker9704

Жыл бұрын

As he should

@dhararry7929

Жыл бұрын

What's wrong with killing babies?

@fukkthisnewupdate8882

Жыл бұрын

Good to see where two-faced Teddy's boundaries lie

@warmishice7948

Жыл бұрын

But they killed children when they took over the city?

@mkl7952

Жыл бұрын

There's nothing wrong with baby murder

I cannot unsee moses' beard as a giant cleft chin

I think what makes up the destruction scene is the cheery music that plays while absolute despair and madness is being displayed on the people

This movie missed the most important part of the parting of the red sea. I didn't see a beyblade parting it. How could they forget such an INTEGRAL part of the story!

26:23 the fact he says “I thought I was dreaming!” Truly shows how long he has been experiencing this nightmare for that he has even forgot it was a dream to begin with and the though it was one at some point was nothing more than a distant thought

@diamondrel5190

Жыл бұрын

IT'S THE FUCKING INNER LIGHT EPISODE OF STAR TREK!

@erinw.9256

Жыл бұрын

Truly a horror movie.

the va voicing the pink imp fairy thingy sounds so unimpressed but also why is his mic quality so much better

20:02 it's something I find so amusing in almost all christian filmography about Moses (Prince of Egypt, this movie, the 12 commandments, etc) They can never accept or admit how much of a twisted psychopath Moses is They love to portray him as this poor soul who only wants what's good for his people. Like a jewish mlk. But that's not what the book says.

I love how the reason for the people being bad is that they broke laws they never knew about instead of.. y know… *brutally killing a child*

@carlywelch4935

Жыл бұрын

also he says ritual sacrifice is "detestable to god"... have these people read the old testament?

@jacobwheeler1348

Жыл бұрын

@@carlywelch4935 Yeah, like, the whole point is that it's a HUMAN sacrifice. God allowed ritual sacrifice of animals, so it's so weird that they didn't explain that crucia; detail

@JeremiahMcaninch

Жыл бұрын

The punishment for the murder of their own citizens, was the murder of all the citizens 😅

@bungiecrimes7247

Жыл бұрын

@@jacobwheeler1348 they are animals.

@thatoneguy2816

Жыл бұрын

@@bungiecrimes7247 and it's just a child 🤷‍♂️

Fun fact: It's been proven that this movie will give you nightmares. There have been reports of many strong, brave, adult people who watched this movie one day and could not sleep without a night light ever since. One man watched this movie, and he had died shortly after. He looked at his girlfriend and said "Oh my god it's real. The world from the Joshua movie is real. They're coming for me." before dying on his death bed

@Cosmerii

2 жыл бұрын

Welp, I was gonna give this movie a full watch for giggles. Nvm now-

@rilesatwork

2 жыл бұрын

@@Cosmerii lmao

@SLDM_WAZ

2 жыл бұрын

fr? or is this a source - Bro trust me , type comment ?

@rilesatwork

2 жыл бұрын

@@SLDM_WAZ I found it on IMDb so… um… maybe it is? Maybe it isn’t? Idk

@pigeonatic

Жыл бұрын

@@SLDM_WAZ bro maybe the internet isn't for you

12:51 - Are they monkeys? I think they're monkeys

This is the video I come back to whenever I'm sad, it always makes me laugh.

The parents were simply scared of the warrior and the monster Joshua had become. War changes a man and they could see it in his face

Just checked my Bible and I can confirm that Joshua did say “LETS GET THESE GUYS”

it took me five whole minutes to realize the reason i thought ted looked a little different was the fact that he wasnt wearing glasses

7:30... Are the Egyptians on computers? 😭

@rory0233

Ай бұрын

My lord, they are!

This felt like watching a VHS tape I found in the basement of an abandoned house, thanks Ted very cool

I like how the first reaction to him being hated by his parents is to toss him into a dangerous part of a biblical tale

11:51 "Just one small problem: TO WHO BEN? FUCKING AQUAMAN??"

I can’t get over how when Joshua is chasing the quails it looks like he’s doing the gritty

"let's go on a little trip" *proceeds to place him in biblical times for 40 years*

As a Christian, this is one of the funniest interpretations of the Bible I’ve ever seen

@commie_dog_boy

2 жыл бұрын

as a pagan, this is also one of the funniest interpretations of the bible Ive ever seen

@Unjustly_Confident

2 жыл бұрын

As an atheist, this is also also one of the funniest interpretations of the Bible I’ve ever seen

@thatguy3903

2 жыл бұрын

As an agnostic, this is also one of the funniest interpretations of the Bible I've ever seen

@Terra654

2 жыл бұрын

As just some guy, this is also also also one of the funniest interpretations of the bible I've ever seen.

@ditistristan815

2 жыл бұрын

As an Alcoholic I need help

I'm very late, but it was my understanding that Moses is a cucumber. This movie has some explaining to do. Side note: as an animator, I'm pretty sure the horses are green because they initially wanted them to stand out against a solid sheet layer for the background, but then just never changed it when they created the landscape. So initially, they were trying to make it easier to discern each frame of the walk cycle, and once grass was added, we now have camouflage horses. Nature is beautiful

That’s literally happening now 26:12.

@kierangroves3324

11 күн бұрын

i was hoping someone else would comment this

the emotional trauma in ted's eyes is palpable

@stuttertarget

2 жыл бұрын

Just palpable?

"Because children fear the unknown..and I have NO IDEA what that thing is." This made me laugh

I once sang a song about how joshua fought the battle of jerico and how the walls came tumbling down for a summer camp, and I don’t think this video was the best place to learn the story behind it

11:24 Bros doing the griddy on the birds 😂

I love that when the battle scene started Ted entirely stopped talking about how bad the movie is and just started talking about how cool he thought the battle scene was.

@nicupetricas9718

Жыл бұрын

It's because it's a cool battle scene. You seen the bible? It's got some really cool battles, Ted would agree

Ted explained the Bible better than the movie did lol

ya know Ted, its been 9 months since you posted this. And too this day, I still watch this to try to wrap my mind around the absolute fever dream that this movie is...

As a Christian, I can’t wait to see how awful this is. Edit: yeah that movie was horrible

“He’s like the John Wick of the Bible” - Ted Nivison, 2022

@Uni_op

2 жыл бұрын

Time stamp for anyone who wants it - 15:08

@Reviwitha6

Жыл бұрын

Tiger guy is built different

4:36 I think maybe what was trying to be conveyed here is that all the toys look like the other characters in the movie, so maybe Chris was taking inspiration from the toys to make the characters something familiar to Joshua? Idk

15:50 Bold statement from someone who currently has red eyes

I love how disheveled Ted looks in this one. Truly this movie has taken it's toll.