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When a guy says that I'm perfect or says that I'm special way too soon. I'm like, you don't even know me...

1. Overconfidence-Does an interaction have a superficial feel to it? Do you have to be perfect or always on edge for him? Does he never think he's wrong? Does he get jealous easy or disregard rules? Is it a caring confidence or bold and cold? 2. Over-certainty in connection (relying on love at first sight) early on. A thousand others who felt love at first sight didn't have love last. Later will manipulate you into doing things not in your best interest. Only time will tell you, so keep things grounded and slow as you observe for consistency. 3. Grand plans early on, like vacations together, can be seductive in their inclusion, but they can be offered to others. Again, take your time. 4. Fascinating stories that are all about him; great conversationalists pull us in. He does it because he needs to feel important, the center of attention. Listen to your feeling; are you feeling drained? This happens when he hogs the conversation rather than encouraging reciprocity. 5. Always has the perfect thing to say when he messes up to evade responsibility or consequences. These interactions leave you vacant, empty, and disappointment. How do you distinguish this from socially awkwardness? Some of these could be actions of socially stunted but growing people trying to find their way.

This is an interesting list… I’m dating someone who has exhibited some of these but the big difference is that he’s consistent in his words and actions, takes me into consideration in everything, is reliable and takes accountability. Thing is, if I had my walls up and had assumed the worst possible scenario of everything when dating him, I would’ve likely ended things in the first couple of months out of fear of getting hurt. Instead I decided to believe he was genuine and gave him time to see if he really was the real deal. We’ve been together for 7 months, I’ve met his family and he’s met mine and our love just keeps getting deeper. So yes be cautious, but don’t let these qualities scare you off either. Patience, observation and an open heart with a healthy amount of scepticism is the way to go.

@matboggs

3 ай бұрын

Good advice - taking things slow is the key

@lightl287

3 ай бұрын

@coffeefordinner Ok, but what if he is (was) consistent and words were followed by action, but he was showing ignorance and no empathy for me? All went well, Christmas was approaching, he wished "all the best for Christmas and New Year", and I said I fell sick with a flu, but he didn't react at all. No "get well soon" or smth. Just nothing. At the beginning of January, he wrote again "hoping you had amazing festive time" and "all the best for the New Year" and wanted to catch up and to meet for a dinner in January at some point. I thanked him wishing all good things as well but restated that Christmas time was not unfortunately fun time, as not only me, but as well my kids got sick with flu after, so we all spent festive time with a fever and in bed. But said we could meet eventually for the dinner at some point, not specifying the date as I was still regenerating from disease. And he didn't reply again. I waited to hear from him, but it's already 2 months, so I guess he just ghosted me. Not sure if I'm overthinking this, but I believe a person should have empathy generally, and esp. if they are interested in someone. Or am I wrong? Thank you for your reply 🙂

@lotusphoenix8

3 ай бұрын

​@@lightl287 It's a clear sign to move on. He shouldn't even be occupying your mind to even ask about him after so long. When people ghost you, leave the graveyard.

@Jan-qv8ku

Ай бұрын

@@lightl287Narcissists hate sick people- how inconvenient for them that you’re sick! RUN away from that one!

Well done. 13 minute masterclass on how to spot a narcissist. Bottom line, from personal experience, ALWAYS listen to intuitive nudges, even over the head. Gut feeling, intuition, inner guidance is never off. Boom on being drained, Mat, drop the mic!! Great video, thanks!!!

@matboggs

3 ай бұрын

Truth!

@macareuxmoine

3 ай бұрын

Good point! But mastering the art of that parallel to being swept off you feet is hard!!!

"If you really loved me, you would do this one little thing [give up your family, your career, your home, your friends, basically your entire life] for me."

Oh my gosh! "Speaking emotional intelligence." What a perfect phrase! I associate this with people who have the "empathy" to read or guess people's feelings, but lack the compassion to actually care about them. They use their empathy to win people over rather than learn to be better people themselves. And yes!, so true: that "vacant" feeling can leave you so confused--even though it should really be the thing that clears up the confusion and answers the question for itself. Thanks for this video!

Mat, you said it all in 5:45-6:00 Time and consistency is key. If someone is lying and not being genuine, the mask will fall away, we just have to take off the rose-colored glasses so we can see them clearly. Thank you Mat!

Thank you for dropping another amazing video Matt. I had an entanglement with a narcissist in the past. A huge red flag, outside of those specified in this video, was his need to butter me up anytime he could tell that I was questioning his behavior 🤔🧐 He would start giving me compliments, but the norm was talking about him. He would even try to get me to laugh at him in one way or another. His energy, to simply put it, was draining 😢 Lessons can be learned from a narcissist 😊

A red flag was him getting pissed when I would tell him anything- where the hotel fireplace turns on etc- AND when I would tell him very rarely that something meant a lot to me to be included, and he didn’t include me anyway and didn’t care about my feelings

@matboggs

3 ай бұрын

Red flags indeed

I have always been drawn and destroyed by this type of guy.... time and time again. Thank you for this video.....I am going to work hard on realizing and not get caught up in the "high" and see these red flags and running NOT walking away!!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩❤️❤️

@matboggs

3 ай бұрын

You got this!

I noticed many of those qualities in me. I'm a woman and never realized my behaviour can be seen as that. I just get exited very soon and very strong about a man, who seems a great guy. Usually get myself into trouble... 😂 Thank you! Maybe I learn to slow down my emotions.

Thank you Matt, great video ! I agree that moving slowly is the best way to really get to know someone. I have to mention that nice guys need to be confident, because they may be scared to approach an attractive woman , they may fear rejection. I have boundaries that I will not cross until a man proves he is trustworthy and values me as a woman, for my sense of humor, my honesty, my intelligence and my loyalty. Not just for my beauty. If a man shows me that he tells lies, I will believe who he is by his actions, not his words. I will walk away and not have any relationship with him, because he does not deserve me. I would rather be alone than waste my time with a charmer. 😊 When a guy shows you who he really is. Believe him.

Facts! thank you for delivering these points with b rolls and with positivity. you're appreciated!

Thank you! The way you explain it, so true.

Hi Matt, I like how you said "let's take it one day at a time" that is great advice for the start of a relationship. Thank you.

Another brilliant video! Thank you! 🌸

Thank you so much Matt. The timing is perfect for me. Intuition is key but sometimes we get confused. Thank you. ❤

Phenomenal information! 🎉

great video Matt so spot on with what i've learnt from past relationships☣

Spot on information! Wish I knew all this in my twenties!

This is a fantastic video. Thank you, Matt.

Spot on! I've watched it twice. Thank you! :)

Did you read my journal? LOL! Many scenes and tales from my dating life! Thanks for putting words and common sense advice to these often overlooked realities.

@matboggs

3 ай бұрын

Right?! Glad this resonated

Thank you Mat. That’s actually a good primer for exactly that situation. And for me right now the timing couldn’t be better 🙏

Thanks for this informative video. I've been trying to navigate a connection, and he's getting the complete wrong idea about me. So, now I'll be looking out for any red flags you mentioned. I love this video. Thank you for putting this out

People show you who they are, but I have bern slow to believe it. They didn't have to make excuses, I did it for them.

This!!!! Thank you Mat!!!!

This was on point

All that you spoke on Matt are true. I had a narcissistic Mom and spouse. Stories were always an amazing thing that they did as the star or saved the day, if it wasn't for them. If you ever feel like you can't be authentic with them for fear of triggering them and they make you feel less than or irritation towards you because it's not about them or you didn't do what they asked. It took 5 years once I left my spouse to heal and find myself again. Also be wary or falling into friendships like that afterwards. Sometimes you go with what you know. Educate yourself

I think it should be mandatory for everyone to have a degree in Psych before they start dating

@reemsaif3105

3 ай бұрын

Totally 😅 I decided to drop being in the head and just be me. If someone feels off then am off too 😊

@d0v3Tai1

3 ай бұрын

& this & then some, should also be included as part of "High School Sex Education" BEFORE becoming ENGAGED with anyone -- that might also stem the pain of a high divorce rate.

@remarkable937

3 ай бұрын

@@reemsaif3105 😄

@remarkable937

3 ай бұрын

@@d0v3Tai1 Truth!

Thank you so much I’m getting better at spotting and yes taking it slow is the best approach, observing actions, patterns. Eventually they will reveal themselves.

@matboggs

3 ай бұрын

Right on!

Thank you so much Matt! I have seen one & live with this kind of person. You are very right ! All the 5 charismatics you talked about are so True!

@matboggs

3 ай бұрын

Glad this helped ❤️

Great video. And he is right its about taking pur time and just being aware

You are seriously the most brilliant relationship coach out there these days... What an amazing video, thank you Mat!!!!

@matboggs

3 ай бұрын

I’m soaking in the compliment. Thank you ❤

@bananarama480

3 ай бұрын

​@@matboggsI wholeheartedly agree. During my last dating phase, I discovered you here, dear Mat. Because of destructive self-assumptions, insecurity, and confusing experiences in the past, I sought some guidance and enlightenment in this field. And thanks to this channel, I managed to recognize my sweetheart at just the right time and not let it go. That was five years ago, going strong. I watched at a lot of dating coaches at the time, but Mat, you are clearly the best one of them all, hands down. I still come here from time to time. Keep up the great work! Your advice is important and I appreciate you very much for that. All the best wishes from Germany

Thanks for sharing

Spot on Matt. Endless stories abt themself Over confident Always right and gaslight if you try to challenge behaviour Be nice to you, then cut you down The video brought back memories. I'm so glad I ended the relationship and moved on.

100%Factssss

Great post 🙏

Great advice. I went out with someone who didn't ask any questions about me. He felt asking questions is being nosey. Weird.

I think most of us have been there! Luckily, I learned in my early years.

Bamm. Guy I was involved with for 7 years!!!!! I wasted soo much time on him. Desire did affect my perception. Epiphany moment! He kept my friends and family at bay was biggest red flag. Charismatic qualities that are red flags 1. Over confidence. (He was great at playing this just right.) 2. Over certainty in your connection. (Not him, but did keep me off balance) 3. Grand plans early on. (Not him although occasionally said things. Said be present) 4. Fascinating stories about himself. (Yes) 5. Always has the perfect thing to say when he's messed up. (Yes)

@lucinaburke1397

3 ай бұрын

It's never too late!!! I finally found the right man at age 68 after wasting 25 years of my life on the wrong ones.

@rezotydnic

3 ай бұрын

@lucinaburke1397 I'm soo happy for you! As for me and my future, I'm not soo sure. I'm incredibly sad and heartbroken that I was played and what I thought was, and what was going to be, is gone, and nothing was real.

@matboggs

3 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing❤

Oh no. I just fell in love with this guy. When he pulled away he said it’s due to bipolar but my friend with bipolar says this isn’t bipolar behavior. I’m heart broken

The clips in this video are hilarious.

This is so accurate. Currently on a breakup from the guy that I don’t even think if we were official but he made promises and plans. Turns out, there were two of us haha. I’m still dealing with the pain but I know it’ll be ok. He was a narcissist and charismatic but too bad I was so blind.

Appoligies and promises to change but no behavioral change.

Very helpful- I seem to attract narcissists ! I’m enlightened now- after two horrible marriages ! They are so good at chameleon behavior ! Often they are cruel , even sadistic esp. if their ego injured:(

Here's an astrological perspective: I met a guy a year ago and I found him overwhelming with his love bombing so I was curious to understand what on earth I was dealing with. So when I looked at his chart, all these were actually his reality in his head and he was genuine with the love at first sight, romantic plans, and soulmate thing. The aspects just weren't conducive to a relationship with me, I couldn't feel or reciprocate his experience. His Mars was also debilitated so his actions couldn't match his words. His charisma was naturally who he was, not something sinister either. He also had a disorganised attachment style. My lessons: 1. It's possible to have soulmate relationships that only last a season and it's not always meant to be felt both ways. 2. Not everyone who displays these traits is villainous. 4. Be patient and give people grace but never hold on to any dangling carrots. 3. Understand what it is in you that attracted those traits, learn from that and grow so you don't waste your time and energy. Needless to say he's history. Thanks for a great content.

I dated a guy, came on fast, I was meant for him, asked me to marry him 2 months, Mean, controlling, manipulative, I ended it after 11 months

Pretty much summed up my 2 exes

Predators always act like they’re either the hero or especially, the victim. And they have to be right about everything, alll the time! Even when they have no clue about the topic.

I've definitely encountered one who seemed to be the "hero" in almost every circumstance. They'd make even thr mother of their child or anyone else the villain. Something in the same as mentioned in this video. They'd also excuse certain things that even you share are boundaries for you to order to manipulate you with them being able to do it. And it's okay. No it's not okay. Go with your core values and what you don't support. Be true to yourself and if they're willing to still disrespect you by putting you in those predicaments that will only cause harm to your relationship they're definitely not the one. Nor do the deserve your time.

What is with the line: I like you! I really like you… This has happened to me more than once and it feels so weird when I am just meeting a guy for the 1st or 2nd time. It seems soon after those words he wants to be very touchy and even asks for a hug. I always question myself am I am the one who seems to be too open?

I meditate and do these things it sux to not know from the get go!! I will take it slow do we 🐌 mail it..

I hate to say it, but if a man is super charming and smooth right out the gate, I may enjoy the moment, but I'm totally on alert. Extreme charm is usually a sign of a big time player and/or manipulator. I used to be a player.. game recognizes game lol. Manipulators will charm the pants off you and the second they know they've hooked you, they flip the switch. I won't jump to conclusions when I see the charm.. but I will just really pay attention.

Recently I turned down a guy online because he was narcissistic. I caught myself apologizing for something I didn't need to. And he blamed me for something simple that he could have done. Scammers will do the full throttle flirt praise. Especially celebrity fakers. Hello beautiful fan I see you are commenting on my posts. Thank you. Let's chat.... blahnik blahnik blah. I talk a lot sometimes. I need to tone it down. But I find it difficult to not talk as much when your getting to know about them. I'll be asked 'tell me about yourself ' I give simple answer. Then they'll ask something I have an opinion on and i can blurt all answers. I was told these rules. Never say sorry until 1 year. Get to know them. Hold back and see if their real and progressing with you. fOR at least 3 months. And I don't use pet names until I'm certain. Right now I'm talking to someone who seems legit but I'm not sure of. We talk. Voice message. But, at Times he goes silent. And it feels like I might be talking to much. Or he's talking to little

@jeanholtz579

3 ай бұрын

Never Never Never talk too much. It will get you in all sorts of trouble

God bless you Mat Boggs! You and your videos have truly changed my life and taught me so much! Thanks for being you and sharing so much advice and wisdom to the world! It's because of you that I was able to make the right list of qualities to find the love of my life!

@matboggs

3 ай бұрын

So happy for you finding the love of your life Christie! I love hearing how these ideas have made a difference for you ❤️❤️❤️

@christiepassos1792

3 ай бұрын

Aw thank you so much for all you do! You are an inspiration and I hope you and your family always have so much love and happiness in your lives @@matboggs

🙌🙌🙌

👏

Another manipulative tactic I've come across is the opposite to the confidence thing....my ex 'acted' brilliantly the concept of ' fake humility ' he played the role of the poor little me, I'm not important...its only about you, you're the important one, definitely over complimentary etc etc......until down the line...fast forward a few years of living together... then he literally said "if you leave me, we will be at war & I'll destroy you...& you KNOW I can.... " !!! All said with crazy mad eyes....4 years later after my escape, being homeless first & having to fight expensive court battles...he HASN'T managed to destroy me...but it WAS really tough....so beware of the fake humility act too....

@kymchu

3 ай бұрын

God bless you

@FlamingCockatiel

3 ай бұрын

How long can it take to see through a fake humility act?

@Helen-jw6yb

3 ай бұрын

@@FlamingCockatiel It wasn't just me he fooled....it was who he was, so ingrained & perfected he fooled everybody!! You'll be surprised how a good liar will eventually believe their own lies & so become convincing to all around as they seem 'for real' I've even heard of them passing lie detector tests!!

I recommend to run away from any man who says: "I never cry. (tears)" this is one of the toxiest things ever.

I started going out with someone he was all the things above best connection I've ever had and then because of a few conversations gone wrong and my lack of boundaries and self respect back then he stopped investing in the relationship and taking me and the relationship seriously he's putting in the bare minimum but I want him to shift back to being in love or I'm ready to leave him but I don't know how I could let him know why I'm leaving and how he can make it work!? Help!!

I'm a woman, I'm charismatic and I'm behaving like that with man I deeply feel for. And only with him. Not for reasons Matt mentions here. I hope my crush doesn't take advice from here. Motives are crucial!

Omg i just broke up with a guy just like this only 4 months in and i was oh hell no 😂 than this video turns up❤

This is sadly all too familiar again snd again I fear its something in me.... Wanting to marry me in a castle wantingvto talk for hours and hours to struggling to get a few word text reply no long calls how sad I feel I've failed again 😔

I met someone one and started going out but I don’t see non of the red flags 😅

@eveescaholuoch7214

3 ай бұрын

Perhaps you are on the right track.😊 but still be on the look out

With dating behaviors for both men and women changing so rapidly and drastically, do you find that relationship coaching has gotten just as hard to decipher/understand??

Too many commercials 😢

Um, having an insecure attachment style is not a disorder! There are enough people spreading untruths about attachment styles, please don’t add to that. Also, all the red flags you mention are true for narcissists but people with insecure attachment styles don’t show these kinds of behaviors.

Can someone use their faith to pretend also

@jeanholtz579

3 ай бұрын

Yes!

5:31 I always ask the person, "Who are you trying to convince, me or you?" If they are always repeating the same quotes and stories about how great they are and everything they've done.🙄😒🥸🏃🏽‍♀️‍➡️