When Simon was talking about himself being a 15 year old being trained at the supermarket... I tried to picture him as a kid and in my head, I could only visualise a teenage kid with a bald head and beard!

@zeusathena26

3 жыл бұрын

I'd love it if he showed a picture of him one day! Wouldn't you?

@willmfrank

3 жыл бұрын

@@zeusathena26 Or that one episode of "Art Attack" in which he appeared twenty-something years ago.

@imagesbyraphael

3 жыл бұрын

@@zeusathena26 hehe yeah, with hair and without beard, would look so dramatically different to his now 'iconic' look on his merch 😁

@listenhere1623

3 жыл бұрын

I like to think he was born like that

@kevinfreeman3098

3 жыл бұрын

Well then you are not a legend... Back in the day, Simon was clean shaven from the neck up

Rotherham: exists Florida: One of us, one of us

@lynsijaynesimpson

3 жыл бұрын

Do you wish to form an alliance with us? Woohoo 🙌

@onemoreguyonline7878

3 жыл бұрын

#cancelsimon

@SegwayBossk

3 жыл бұрын

Florida man here

@elmikeomysterio5496

3 жыл бұрын

I would be down to be the ambassador of Florida to Rotherham.

@mangot589

3 жыл бұрын

Avery🤣🤣🤣🤣. Perfect.

That's it! The people demand a "WTF does Scotland Yard ACTUALLY do?" Eposode, Danny, get on it! 😁🍿

@RillianGrant

3 жыл бұрын

My dad worked there doing forensics. apparently a lot of soul crushing paperwork is processed there

@skitzojedi2505

3 жыл бұрын

Yes Danny...this. Maybe we'll setup a rescue mission to get you out of Simon's basement if its good.

@terryarmbruster7986

3 жыл бұрын

They're the Queen's Gardeners for Balmoral 🤓👍

@ex-navyspook

3 жыл бұрын

@@skitzojedi2505 I heard the music from "Mission Impossible" when I read your quote.

@ryanroberts1104

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah...like why are they in Scotland...and why don't they get a building instead of a yard?!

I get the feeling this is going to be one of those episodes that is going to have high ratings, so we can probably expect a 'The World's Dumbest Criminals Part 2' within a month or so.

@Ron4885

3 жыл бұрын

Allegedly :)

@Codraroll

3 жыл бұрын

I nominate McArthur Wheeler for the sequel. He was the guy who robbed two banks with no disguise apart from a sprinkle of lemon juice in his face, because he had read that lemon juice could be used as invisible ink. He figured would make himself invisible, at least on camera, and was completely flabbergasted when he was arrested later that night, mumbling "but I wore the lemon juice!" as the police dragged him away.

@brainblaze6526

3 жыл бұрын

Probably. I'm pretty lazy coming up with topic suggestions.

@avaevathornton9851

3 жыл бұрын

I was sure there was already a Business Blaze on this.

@Codraroll

3 жыл бұрын

@@avaevathornton9851 I think there was a "Criminal Darwin Awards" video. That might be the one you are remembering? That one was about criminals who died on the job, though. These people all appear to have survived.

Simon: "being featured on Business Blaze is not something you want!" Sponsors: Umm... ok?!

@zinobi

3 жыл бұрын

Isn't it true though? You have heard his ad-reads....

@brainblaze6526

3 жыл бұрын

@@zinobi :D

@StevenLockey

3 жыл бұрын

@@brainblaze6526 I have to ask if you deliberately pick sponsors who must clearly have zero access to well, the internet ;)

@paddington1670

3 жыл бұрын

@@zinobi his ad reads are epic

@KingOhmni

2 жыл бұрын

Simons ad reads for magic spoon got me to buy some. Good shit.

Some criminal/mobster/gangster somewhere: “Excuse me, being a criminal is a business! Family business.”

@johnnyguillotine1673

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah, they wouldn't outright say that... Doublespeak is a thing.

@darrelclancymorris9840

3 жыл бұрын

😂😂🤣🤔 are they hiring???

@fuckfannyfiddlefart

3 жыл бұрын

Criminality is a business of last resort, slightly less immoral than the business is war for which or government is an unrepentant recidivism. #AntiImperialism #EndDrugProhibition

Meme count Communism- 0 Tangents- 31 Mispronunciations- 14 Rotherjshsugshhs disses- 6 Allegedly- 4 Buh duh bum bum tsss- 6 Smash dislike button-0

@Nikki-lodeon

3 жыл бұрын

Doing God's work right here.

@wisersamson9000

3 жыл бұрын

Very disappointed that there are zero "smash the dislike button". Idk what's happening but Danny is really slipping if he isn't writing a script that leads simon to say something controversial, thus forcing Simon to say "smash the dislike button". Is Danny the one trying to make the fact Boi read the facts?

@kunalphadte2674

3 жыл бұрын

A valiant effort. Someone's gotta fill Brian's shoes.

@ex-navyspook

3 жыл бұрын

Huh...he really fell off on this one...

@ex-navyspook

3 жыл бұрын

@@kunalphadte2674 Allegedly...

Simon: “It’s one of the first things to come up on a search for Rotherham.” me, speaking in German because my Google is German: Okay, Google. Suche nach Rotherham Google: The first result is for “Missbrauchsskandal von Rotherham” (Abuse scandal of Rotherham) me: Huh. Even works in German.

@aredjayc2858

3 жыл бұрын

And Hebrew

@sarahwatson3192

3 жыл бұрын

And French.

@MartinSevald

3 жыл бұрын

And Norwegian

@madebymarian

3 жыл бұрын

And Dutch.

@runed0s86

3 жыл бұрын

と日本語

I wish "Business Blaze Simon" was my friend.

@jaysalisbury193

3 жыл бұрын

I’ll be your friend, friend.

@alexanderlittle9786

3 жыл бұрын

Really? I prefer him on the other channels. He is not a comedian and tries too hard with lame jokes. Like just get to the fucking information. If i wanted standup i would search for it.

@martythestines

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah but then you'll have to do a lot of Cocaine....... 🤯

@joewillburn

3 жыл бұрын

@@martythestines why else do you think I want to be his friend?

@sniperkeegs4389

3 жыл бұрын

Alexander little , because you don't share the same sense if humor hes not trying to do stand up hes just making shit he finds funny. I find him funny I agree I would like him to be my friend for both reasons lol

That whole aside about legs reminded me of the best substitute teacher I ever had. The guy had a prosthetic leg and one arm, and every time someone asked what happened he would make up a different story. He'd introduce himself as "half the man I used to be", and crack jokes about it all the time, especially if he saw that someone was doing the thing where they were trying hard to not look at his leg. On Halloween he would specifically pick costumes that had one leg, like a pirate with a peg leg and stuff like that. He also used to say "SOL" a lot, and if someone was like "you can't say that in school" he'd just be like "short one leg. What'd you think I meant?" He was the best dude, just a great sense of humor and friendly to absolutely everyone he met.

@Algorithms_Child

8 ай бұрын

Wait what does SOL mean?

@jprofio

8 ай бұрын

@@Algorithms_Child Typically when people say you're SOL it means "shit outta luck", I didn't realize until just now it's not as common to say anymore

@Algorithms_Child

8 ай бұрын

@@jprofio To be fair, that comment was about a past experience you had, in a comment you wrote two years ago. Good on you for writing back so quickly

@HyperactiveNeuron

6 ай бұрын

​@@Algorithms_Child it means Shit Out of Luck

Simon from two episodes ago: I’m not going to yell anymore. Simon during this episode: 🥁 tsss

@brainblaze6526

3 жыл бұрын

This was actually filmed before :)

@nickshane9314

3 жыл бұрын

Isn't time weird?

@yonatankanosh7561

3 жыл бұрын

@@brainblaze6526 lol your filming and uploading schedule is weird, you took quite the brake on Christmas and then bombarded us with episodes for a week or two

@Hour_of_the_Owl

3 жыл бұрын

I think you mean 🥁🥁 tsss

@djdrack4681

Жыл бұрын

Simon's Neighbor: Fact Boy, we talked about this.

This is Simon. This is Simon on Coffee. Any Questions? Suggestion: How about a bar stool? it's not a table and it won't take up much room. plus, you can manage the cables beneath it! Thank you for another great channel!!

@johnnyguillotine1673

3 жыл бұрын

Strippers pole.

@annastevens1526

3 жыл бұрын

@Johnny Guillotine Please excuse my lack of pro knowledge on this one! If it was a pole with the wires wrapped around, where does the coffee cup balance...? 😉

@possibear

3 жыл бұрын

@@annastevens1526 Danny will be let out to hold it

Got asked by someone to come for an interview for Cutco. Never heard of them & I needed a job, so I was like, "Sure. Why the hell not." Within 10 minutes in a dodgy "business center" it finally clicked & I accidently said out loud, "Oh... This is a pyramid scheme." Laughed & walked right out. Chick interviewing us was pissed lol

@azuregriffin1116

3 жыл бұрын

One of my desperate-ass friends were dragged into it recently.

@mikeypalma8052

3 жыл бұрын

Really good knives with a great warranty though, lol. Expensive AF, but worth it

@josiahsmith66

3 жыл бұрын

@@mikeypalma8052 Wouldn't know lol I have a friend that's a manager at a sub shop and she gives me all the ceramic knives they have to get rid of

@ecchikitty1395

3 жыл бұрын

The main aspect isn't a pyramid scheme, it's just door to door sales, but getting new members signed up is vey triangle shaped. Really annoyed I lost my demo kit, those are really good knives, I'd love to have them for my kitchen.

@trishapellis

Жыл бұрын

@@ecchikitty1395 Oh it's one of those. One of them came by my place back when I was jobless and just kinda out of the blue, asks if I'm working from home, I reply I have no job, he goes "Oh why don't you come by our office, we'll give you a job". I scheduled the appointment, then looked up the company to see if there was any Glassdoor info on them and just never left the house XD

Imagine having Simon at your party. Couple lines, couple shots, wind him up and let him loose. Fucking SHOWTIME!!

@dereinzigwahreRichi

2 ай бұрын

Let's GOOO!

As someone who lives in Doncaster, next door to Rotherham, I feel like Rotherham jumped in front of the bullet for us in this video

Coming soon, Simon's newest channel: crimes on a budget, stories of criminals who tried to commit crimes without spending a lot of money.

are we just not gonna talk about the florida man who died microwaving a microwave

@dillongage7628

3 жыл бұрын

I'm trying to wrap my head around that and I just cant.

@serveauxproductions

3 жыл бұрын

Microwave a microwave... that's a real "who watches the watchers" kind of conundrum there... I guess it's like a Forrest Gump thing but with a Floridian twist, "Florida is as Florida does"... hmmm... Floridian twist... great name for a drink... but it would probably contain orange juice, lysol, anti-freeze, bleach, and flaka... multiple O.G.B.B. references there 🤔

@thehangmansdaughter1120

3 жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 You are shitting me! Hilarious.

@christopherjones8448

Жыл бұрын

No, it's not a "crime" to microwave a microwave.

Back 5 years ago, I was a Cannabis dealer, my "Bosses" wanted me to start selling cocaine. When I declined, I was beaten and robbed. It was so bad, I had to go the police. I didn't drop any name, snitches get stitches, but they ended up in the local paper. They had been caught using social media to sell their product. This is after I'd taught them about the cyber police, and how dangerous it is to use it for said usage.

@lyndsayms

Жыл бұрын

I’m so interested in your story and want to hear more, but this is definitely the wrong place for it 🤣 Edit: please read reply below! I rescind my comment, but don’t want to dirty delete.

@fatherofdragons4880

10 ай бұрын

@@lyndsayms creepy comment

@lyndsayms

10 ай бұрын

@@fatherofdragons4880 ohh I admit I must’ve read over the beaten and robbed part. In that case, you’re right, it’s creepy 😬 I sincerely apologize to @hardlyme779 for my original comment

This episode is about the business of being a criminal. Also, I once had a boss who got fired for chasing a shoplifter, corporate wasn’t amused, even though she caught the guy and recovered the goods.

@DoctaOsiris

3 жыл бұрын

I'm sure there has to be more to it than that, did she attack the shoplifter? I have a feeling that's at least part of it, just simply recovering the goods isn't grounds for dismissal - although that's not her job, it's the job of the security guard and therefore does make the shop itself liable but I wouldn't think that would be grounds for dismissal either, had she had previous warnings for unprofessional actions? And if none of these apply to her did she sue them?

@piro88

3 жыл бұрын

Sucks to work for a weak ass employer :/

@coreysprinkel3630

3 жыл бұрын

The reason they say dont chase them is what if the shoplifter had a gun and shot her? The family could sue the employer. Or even worse, what if they shot and killed a random bystander? Its to stop lawsuits.

@mangot589

3 жыл бұрын

I know it seems nuts. But the danger of any employee getting seriously hurt or killed way outweighs any monetary loss. So there’s a firm rule, no heroics.🤷‍♀️

@mangot589

3 жыл бұрын

@@DoctaOsiris Good points. I posted before I read your post

"didn't spill my coffee" jump cut right after saying it

@brainblaze6526

3 жыл бұрын

Illuminati confirmed.

Simon: "Why do we still call them telegraph poles?" IDK, we call them telephone poles. Why do you still call a flashlight a torch as well?

@brainblaze6526

3 жыл бұрын

Why do you still call lifts, elevators?

@The1stJJ

3 жыл бұрын

@@brainblaze6526 An elevator elevates you, however I really hope your torch isn't torching you

@runed0s86

3 жыл бұрын

@@The1stJJ high power led keychain torches can actually get really hot and have circuitry to keep you from burning yourself/burning out the LED

@avakining

3 жыл бұрын

@@The1stJJ I hope your flashlight doesn’t flash you :p

@hepchaos

2 жыл бұрын

They haven't been called "telephone poles" in a while, they're called "utility poles", because they generally hold phone lines, electrical lines, and occasionally cable lines.

When it comes to Family Feud hosts, Steve Harvey is definitely the best one. He has the best reactions

@explodingcrack435

3 жыл бұрын

Glorious leader knows the most about family feud

@joeyr7294

3 жыл бұрын

@@explodingcrack435 because no one else in North Korea is able to watch that poison from the west

@kurtjoseph6232

3 жыл бұрын

But he just doesn't molest the contestants the way Richard Dawson did.

@GeorgeVCohea-dw7ou

3 жыл бұрын

He recognised what viewers wanted to see more of and let contestants shine when their answers called for it. Louie Anderson would have been the absolute master, had he realised what Steve Harvey did. The show has forever changed. kzread.info/dash/bejne/do57ks6OiM3elrw.html

@VirginAfterSex420

3 жыл бұрын

Kenan Thompson: Am I a joke to you?

"Keep calm and BLAZE ON"? Replace the crown with a pot leaf, and you'll sell A LOT more shirts!

@possibear

3 жыл бұрын

or, keep the crown and put a leaf on the top of it?

@thehangmansdaughter1120

3 жыл бұрын

I would pay for that to be sent all the way to NZ.

There’s a bench behind you! Put your cup next to the lamp!! Ahhhh my ocd!!

@andiward7068

3 жыл бұрын

He doesn't have a coaster. He could use the script pages after reading but i think he's still planning on selling them when he gets his sub goal.

@elmikeomysterio5496

3 жыл бұрын

@@andiward7068 he could use a business blaze sticker. Most expensive coaster ever.

@PoeRacing

3 жыл бұрын

I think that lamp is on the floor. I had the same OCD thought.

@andrewjackson82

3 жыл бұрын

@@PoeRacing you are correct! It’s an optical illusion!

Out of curiosity, is there a "Danny we TALKED about this!" shirt? Because if there isn't there should be. This has nothing to do with this episode, it has just been stuck in my head.

@annastevens1526

3 жыл бұрын

Would definitely be good promo, due to all the people asking the wearers "Who the f*ck's Danny?" and receiving in return a fifteen minute rant about how awesome BB is... ;-) (Complete with an "Allegedly!" of course!)

I read about a guy limps into a 7-11, approaches the clerk, pulls a handgun from his waistband and announces a holdup. After getting the cash, the guy while shoving the gun back into his waistband caused the gun to discharge shooting himself in the groin. As the EMT was treating him, they noticed a similar injury in his leg. Turns out he had attempted a similar robbery the night before and accidentally shot himself while shoving his handgun into his waistband

Gwent police: We settle our courtrooms on card games.

@mrprimor227

3 жыл бұрын

Nice

@joeheck674

3 жыл бұрын

I knew I'd see something about Gwent* here!

@SRW_

3 жыл бұрын

Roll dice for success

I’d like to get a shirt or two, but there doesn’t seem to be a “Keep Calm, Allegedly.” And maybe some $7 stickers.

I would say being a criminal is a sort of business. The Knife people is CutCo. And yes, it is a Pyramid scheme. It's an MLM, which they will try to say isn't a Pyramid scheme, but it absolutely is.

@FnordOok

3 жыл бұрын

Aka: Vector Marketing

@ladykoiwolfe

3 жыл бұрын

@@FnordOok yep. And that's probably both the names Simon was trying to think of...one company after all.

@maryscott9430

2 жыл бұрын

I was thinking of Thrive, Mary Kay, and any/all of the essential oil companies.

@ladykoiwolfe

2 жыл бұрын

@@maryscott9430 they are also excellent examples of pyramid schemes.

I love how every time the video is 'Worlds worst.../World's dumbest...', Simon always gives advice to (future) criminals lol

@annastevens1526

3 жыл бұрын

AND to terrorists too, as of very recently... 😉 (A truly legendary episode both for content AND ad read - really hope we get Part 2 of both!)

@christagronbech

3 жыл бұрын

@@annastevens1526 True that!!! Such a brilliant episode 🙌🏼

Simon: “I need a small table to put my coffee on...” Me: There is a lamp, to your right. What is the lamp sitting on? Is that a small table?

@Logan-tw7wv

3 жыл бұрын

Looks to be a floor lamp up against the wall based on the way the wall's lit.

@YoFreshWiggy

3 жыл бұрын

Take a second look @@Logan-tw7wv. It’s a table lamp, sitting on something that looks a lot like a table, or a shelf, or a cabinet. A place where Simon could put his coffee, and Blaze on.

@Tom-dg6pg

3 жыл бұрын

It's a floor lamp, it's in line with the chair against the wall

@Cysticspyke

3 жыл бұрын

He should just get a camelbak and fill it with coffee

@elizabethhaskell6505

3 жыл бұрын

Its a floor lamp if you pause and look closely you'll see it on a rug matching the 1 infront of the shelving unit. The lamp looks to be just taller than the knee height.

Extended license basically means that he's on probation for the 4 years and in that time any trouble at all will get you recalled to jail to serve the rest of your sentence

lol intro - "this one has nothing to do with business" what would i be doing here interested in business - crazy lol - plus i get all my business news from facebook

As someone who currently lives in Sheffield and is from Middlesbrough. Yes, Rotherham is pretty scummy lmao

@tigercap100

3 жыл бұрын

The child sex scandal in Rotherham went on too long because people called it a "conspiracy theory". Simon was probably one of them.

@bigtguitars7312

3 жыл бұрын

Finlay you live in sheffield and from Middlesbrough and still look down your nose at us? I congratulate you on commenting on KZread while Twokking cars you’re a better man than me

@GliTCH3y

3 жыл бұрын

@@bigtguitars7312 My guy I'm a Third year uni student on track for a first. Ain't my fault Rotherham is universally regarded as a lost cause

@equitime77

3 жыл бұрын

@@GliTCH3y there are decent people who live in Rotherham. Strangely enough it's not full of uneducated weirdos...

@GliTCH3y

3 жыл бұрын

@@equitime77 didn't say there wasn't 🙃

I live approximately 30 minutes from Lexington, NC, yes I can easily see the million dollar bill “crime” happening. You would need to attend the Barbecue Festival to gain an in depth feel for the town. As a true southerner, all I can say is BLESS HIS HEART

It's pronounced 'Rotherham' ... I hope that helps.

@MrDUneven

3 жыл бұрын

It doesn't help. It's english.

@brainblaze6526

3 жыл бұрын

extremely helpful.

@annastevens1526

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah, must admit I was slightly startled by a guy with a British accent (albeit now living overseas) having so much difficulty pronouncing an English placename...? ;-p But then again, many of them do seem to have been designed to make it difficult even for the natives...?

@graemecameron5685

3 жыл бұрын

@@annastevens1526 remember that the uk is four different countries with with thousands of dialects we have places with names like Llanfairpwllgwyngyll in wales, Ecclefechan, auchtermuchty in scotland. Every 10 miles almost there's a different accent and dialect, so uk town names are a clusterfuck of pronunciations.

@HoleyMoleyAlex

3 жыл бұрын

@@graemecameron5685 I don't even know how to pronounce the town I have been living in for years. Is Raw-ten-stall, nope, is it Rot-ten-stall, apparntly (despite the spelling being Rawtenstall) I just call it Reinstall and have done with it! That way I can Backup (Bacup, next town over) and reinstall.

when i was much younger, I needed $ badly, and so I went to the ATM at my bank, and placed a deposit into my account... There was no money in the envelope I placed in to the machine. I immediately withdrew the "money" out. All this was on my own banking card. I have since paid the price and actually still use the exact same bank.

@ex-navyspook

3 жыл бұрын

Ah...I see now...I retract my last...

@Jakey4000

3 жыл бұрын

Well damn, what price did you pay? Was there prison time?

@brainblaze6526

3 жыл бұрын

@@Jakey4000 He's still serving life plus 20.

@koonzipher4692

3 жыл бұрын

@@brainblaze6526 yes, they still have 56k dial up here in Atlanta

@zechsblack5891

3 жыл бұрын

Lol my banks atms now sort and photograph every bill, no envelopes these days.

I love it when I'm having a bad day and a new episode of business blaze is available. My day is 100% better now!

Simon remember. Your voice. Your voice. Your valuable voice.

@Niniel28b

3 жыл бұрын

I wonder if this was recorded before Simon got on his "no shouting regime"

@carrioncrow8191

3 жыл бұрын

Niniel Sanders This is probably the episode that made him realize

I worked in the hospitality industry for almost 2 decades, and once a man came in with a twenty dollar bill asking for change. It was a photocopy, on standard printer stock, one sided, and also blue. The hotel desk clerk accepted it.

"The longest knife you can have in the UK is 3 inches" Me, an American: **Looks around at my multiple 2 foot long $3 home defense machetes** What do you do when someone breaks into your house in Britain? Throw hot tea at them?

@ZayElx

3 жыл бұрын

You do nothing if someone breaks into your house, we are very limited in the retaliation we can use. If we were to stab someone to death with their own knife, while they're breaking into your house, its manslaughter, up to 15 years.

@ThrottleKitty

3 жыл бұрын

@@ZayElx In America, if someone crosses the threshold of your door without your permission, it's legally defensibly as self defense to just shoot them dead. No charges. But if he falls and breaks his leg while trespassing in your house, he can sue you for all your worth. For some reason. This country is... weird.

@Steve_Johnson_

3 жыл бұрын

Throttle Kitty That’s why it’s better to kill them.

@danielratcliffe3672

3 жыл бұрын

Hits and beats as we call it in my house, good old fashioned brute force... Maybe send in an aggressive cat first to distract the bandits but we would NEVER waste good tea on them. Drink it for power ups instead 😁

@johndolo9573

3 жыл бұрын

He means the biggest knife you can carry in the street

Simon at last put in a "That's What She Said" joke!!!!! love it

Hey Sam. Nice Rooster teeth gif. That’s Burnie taking 1 million dollars but he has to go all Jason Bourne whenever he sees old people.

Criminal record? That’d be any one of Coldplay’s last few albums.

@sofa-lofa4241

3 жыл бұрын

Yup, they need locking up for anything after 'Parachutes'

Wheels & The Legman, Season 3 Episode 7 - "Hard Times"

@munk006

3 жыл бұрын

I get this reference

you don't need a desk for your coffee, just a tall wooden stool, thats what stand ups will put their drinks on while they're pacing around.

Some of my favorite videos on the internet are "The Dumbest...." anything. I need more of this in my life because it's SO. FREAKING. FUNNY. Also I love when I"m watching Business Blaze & suddenly get notified of a brand new Business Blaze :D

@slayingroosters4355

3 жыл бұрын

That’s what happened to me, I’d run out of whistler so was watching some of my old favourites and this bad boy popped up in my suggestions before the notification came through 👌🏿🤣

@ladykoiwolfe

3 жыл бұрын

My favorite dumbest videos are all by Simon.

@annastevens1526

3 жыл бұрын

@ Willa Wolfe Without any quotation marks around the "dumbest", that one translates to a pretty sick burn of the Bearded One... 😋

@ladykoiwolfe

3 жыл бұрын

@@annastevens1526 oh dear, I hadn't intended that.

Rap snitches Tellin all they business Sit in court and be they own star witness: "Do you see the perpetrator?" "Yeah, I'm right here" Fuck around and get the whole label sent up for years

You’re not wrong but balaclavas are about as scarce in El Paso texas as Winnie the Pooh merch is in China

Thank you for the laughter this channel brings.

@simon thank you for making my daily fishtank maintenance more enjoyable. I think at this point your og subscribers use ur podcasts as a way to make daily life more enjoyable. Drunk or sober i enjoy most ur videos. Thank you from the bottom of my heart you make my tasks bearable

Some say the SW neon sign will never get fixed.

Closest thing to FBI in the UK is probably the National Crime Agency. The reason I know that is most certainly NOT because I am an international crime boss.

I served in the Army in the late 90s with this guy. He had to go to San Antonio for surgery because he had thyroid cancer. So they gave him a credit card to pay for expenses on his trip. So when he came back, he immediately went on 30 days convalescence leave, and a few weeks after that, he went on 3 weeks annual leave. When he got back from the third trip, the credit card company contacted the Army or Defense Department or whoever, they contacted the post, and the post contacted our unit. Apparently, not only did he not pay the card off with his travel pay, he kept using the card like it was free money throughout all three trips. He spent $5000 in total, reaching the credit limit. His actual pay was about $1500 per month, and presumably, he spent that too. He apparently spent the money on his travel and eating out of course, but also on all sorts of purchases. It wasn’t even the amount of money he spent that raised the alarm. It was simply that he hadn’t paid the bill in the 3 months since he began using it. When asked, he said he thought he could use the card whenever he wanted and never had to pay it back. He only began to worry that he had done something wrong when the card stopped working.

I grew up in Lima and know this person!!!!!! This is INSANE 😂

@Christinebanks11

3 жыл бұрын

Are you surprised ?

I come back from IKEA with my set of 20” kitchen knives and nobody blinks because it isn’t likely to be used as a weapon since I have a 9mm on my hip. The 2nd Ammendment ROCKS!

@texasslingleadsomtingwong8751

3 жыл бұрын

I see fellow church goers printing or open carrying . I relax and am thankfull for 2A embracing church . Kid you not .

@Kenniii3

3 жыл бұрын

My church has a good percentage of carrying members

Video for the world's dumbest criminals yet Florida still needs its own separate video.

How many Blaze stickers do I have to buy in order for Simon to afford to fix his neon sign?

@onemoreguyonline7878

3 жыл бұрын

all of them

@GeorgeVCohea-dw7ou

3 жыл бұрын

Wouldn't it make sense to just buy a replacement or pay him directly to have it repaired‽ kzread.info/dash/bejne/do57ks6OiM3elrw.html

"Are these all from Britain?" Britain, the Florida of Europe lol

I'm just waiting to see someone I know end up on this list... I know a few people who sound like they belong... One guy used to go to Xmas tree lot after they close and open it up and sell their trees... Nobody questioned why they were selling trees at 11pm...

@1xoACEox1

3 жыл бұрын

I mean...that's kind of amazing. Did he get caught?

@mikebar42

3 жыл бұрын

@@1xoACEox1 nope, he got lucky

@cultistsash

3 жыл бұрын

That's absolutely legendary.

Indignant at Simon Simon is my favorite Simon

Wow. That's some pretty good special effects. Pulled that coffee mug out of the green screen like it was a real set of shelves.

Glad to see that your voice has recovered and the 'Badabumbum TISH!' is back again with the usual enthusiasm! :)

Simmon, you shuld do a vid on "blade runner" the South African guy with blade legs he did some bad shit. also on why he only got silver in Paralympics. maybe make it a segment on sports stars doing crimes.

@zeusathena26

3 жыл бұрын

That's a good idea!

@dash_rabbit

3 жыл бұрын

I don't even see blade legs!!!

@ridanann

3 жыл бұрын

Realistically clearly a South African shooting somebody isn't that surprising shooting his wife through a bathroom door again he South Africa so not that surprising having false legs well with lions in South Africa that's not that surprising his name was Oscar what the hell is an Irish name doing on a South African person Pikachu face

@alias201

3 жыл бұрын

@@ridanann are you serious? Oscar pistorius is an English speaking South African, so any anglicised name is common in SA. Also, what Oscar did shocked us all. Furthermore, use punctuation, for God's sake!

@ridanann

3 жыл бұрын

@@alias201 firstly I'm clearly not serious secondly Pikachu face South African gun culture is pretty disgraceful.

I saw this video come up and clicked on it, and had to run to do something, then came back realizing it was on play the whole time and now I have to re-watch it. How Dare me give Simon DOUBLE WATCH TIME. Or does this make me double the legend?

I've never cracked up so much watching Simon at 11:10-11:30. That performance just made my night😂😂😂

I am so used to serious Simon on the other channels... It was so entertaining and enjoyable to se laid back casual Simon swearing... Keep on the good work mate. CERTIFIED LEGEND.

🤣🤣 around 8 minutes in you can totally tell that this was Simon's last video before he had to start mellowing out his volumes! You can audibly hear the cracking of his voice as it begins to crumble

The money is insured anyway and its a whole lot less hassle for the business to just go "Oh no, we lost a couple bucks" than it is for them to go "Welp, Sam tried being a hero and now theres a news team out the front."

Simone: telegraph polls.... why the f$ck do we still call them telegraph polls? Me: Telegraph polls... who the f%ck calls telephone polls telegraph polls?

You were having way too much fun! I love it. Enjoyed your humor.

american pyramid schemes simon is probably referring to: Avon (cosmetics) Mary Kay (cosmetics) Thrive (supplements that, in my experience knowing people who take/sell it, makes you act like a meth head/coke fiend)

A smack head tried to steal the bottle of hand sanitiser that we keep at the front of the cafe where I work. When I confronted him he said "I thought it was 1 free bottle per customer" it made me laugh so much I couldn't even be mad

@xxKarachanxx

3 жыл бұрын

I work in a pharmacy located in a grocery store. Someone came up during the sanitizer shortages and started pumping the hand sanitizer into a personal bottle of theirs, and when confronted, their defense was "Well, there aren't any available for sale, so I'm taking this!"

@sofa-lofa4241

3 жыл бұрын

I bet the smackhead saw the '70% alcohol' on the label and thought "free drink"

@golddragonette7795

3 жыл бұрын

@@sofa-lofa4241 hospitals in the UK had to lock hand sanitiser in place long before the pandemic cos it was being stolen by alcoholics

@sofa-lofa4241

3 жыл бұрын

@@golddragonette7795 yup, but they shouldn't have bothered, The IPA would have seen them off and they wouldn't have been such a burden on the NHS, It may seem harsh but I see the NHS's job as looking after people with genuine non-inflicted health problems... Not stupidity problems

"Simon, I don't even see blade legs!" was definitely just inducted into my top 10 BB quotes.

I grew up in Rotherham. I can confirm that it is not as bad as Business Blaze makes out... It's much much worse! Also, Hooton Roberts is a real place (one of few nice areas of Rotherham) but you cannot get there on the number 38 bus, it is served by the X78. Thankfully, despite growing up in Rotherham I have now escaped to Sheffield. The rest of my family have not been so lucky.

I think Danny is actively trying to rehabilitate the image of Rotherham through Business Blaze.

@KarrierBag

3 жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🤣 trying the impossible

@lynsijaynesimpson

3 жыл бұрын

Like trying to rehabilitate a turd and create gold 😂

@KarrierBag

3 жыл бұрын

@@lynsijaynesimpson 🤣🤣🤣🤣

@lynsijaynesimpson

3 жыл бұрын

I remain happy to be a turd, it's all good 😂

@DannySalter

3 жыл бұрын

I'm not sure I'm doing a very good job. I'd like to do an Epic Blaze on the business career of Rotherham's greatest comedy legends The Chuckle Brothers.

Yes Simon cutco is most definitely a pyramid scheme. Had to deal with my dumbass cousin presentation and recruitment attempt 🙄.

"Just buy a balaclava!" 🤣 Omgosh, I really don't want balaclava price searching in my internet history; I live in SE Texas and I'd honestly NEVER seen a balaclava outside of a movie until I was an adult and my brother moved back from living in Washington State. In any case, these people resorting to petty robbery aren't going to have enough/waste money on an actual balaclava...

I was exposed to the Whistlerverse by a history student of mine last year (warographics video). Then noticed the Casual Criminalist channel. Watched all the videos. Then Decoding the Unknown, watched all videos. Now I am down the brain blaze videos and they sort of autoplayed in reverse until I got to the unhinged roaming screaming business blaze format. They make me so so so happy 🥲 thank you, Simon!

I once walked into a nail salon and there was a guy at the counter paying and he only had one hand and I said...dude!, did you pay half price? And he said, actually, I did! And we both laughed. The people there couldn’t believe I had said that and I was like... he knows he only has one hand. I didn’t point it out to him for the first time.

You just called your wife a Caron 😂😂

@flexinclouds

3 жыл бұрын

They spell it as "Karen" I believe

We all need an epic blaze, and please bring back ETA. I miss him so much

@harrisonjodeit4340

3 жыл бұрын

We don't need ETA now and we never did before, either! Let him wallow in his 4G obsolescence!

@johnlewington5841

3 жыл бұрын

@@harrisonjodeit4340 ETA was the best 🤣🤣 I love him/her/it

@XDarkGreyX

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah, whenever I rewatch episodes, I realize how much we've lost with ETA :/

Dude you are a star. I have always been a fan of your educational videos, but it's cool to see this other side. You're actually quite funny.

Dumbest criminals would make a great series sense there are so many that could be covered .

16:30 Simon goes on an Amway rant, without naming Amway.

@0311Mushroom

3 жыл бұрын

@Robert Sears it is a "legal pyramid", barely. And illegal in many countries. It is more cult than business.

@0311Mushroom

3 жыл бұрын

@Robert Sears no, their main product is soap. And their model is very different than Avon. In that (like Tupperwear), the idea is to keep the number who sell small, and selling the product is key. In Amway, they do not care about selling soap. Their model is in selling the system to as many as possible.

@0311Mushroom

3 жыл бұрын

@Robert Sears you do not get it I see. They could not care less about selling soap, they are selling the SYSTEM, and tell you that you can get rich by selling it to your friends, family, and any stranger they can con into joining. At $100 sign-up and $100 a year. You do not make crap selling soap, you make money signing up a lot of people, and getting a piece of any they sign up. Not like Avon at all.

People wearing trash bags while Sam and I are still waiting for SImon to model Sheath for us.

Simon you have been blazing these blazes this blaze.

I have often wondered, while watching Simon being "serious", what he's like when he's drunk/ stoned.. now I know ;) Blaze On! LOL

Some people just dont know that you never rob a bank across from a place that sells donuts.....

@onemoreguyonline7878

3 жыл бұрын

lol cop joke

I'm now SO GLAD I haven't been featured on the Blaze! ML Simon! Edit: 👍 for not shitting all over me.

My cashier training at McD was the same. If someone demands the money pop the till, if they demand more pop the other till, if they want the safe give them the safe, the whole safe. I work for a hardware store now and we have a similar policy, if they have a cart full of stuff just let them walk out. Don't follow them, smile, thank them for shopping with us, memorize how they look and what kind of car they get into, and notify management once they are gone. There is nothing we sell that they can carry off (or hitch to their tow bar) that's worth getting killed over.

Busted a "that's what she said." Classic.

15:51 meanwhile Simon in Czech republic can walk around with a sword on his hip without even being fined

@NorCalJuggalo420

3 жыл бұрын

Dude, here in America people can carry Ak47s to the supermarket.

@L_egi

3 жыл бұрын

@@NorCalJuggalo420 wow you mean the continent? not just few states in USA where open carry is legal?

@sofa-lofa4241

3 жыл бұрын

@@L_egi here in the UK, my ex-neighbour used to cycle around with a 3' sword hanging from the shopping basket, police left him alone as he was an 80 year old Sikh, harmless but slightly mad

@ian198802

3 жыл бұрын

@@sofa-lofa4241 That will be due to the police power of discretion. Whilst it is technically the against the law for the Sikh man to carry this it is recognised as something all members of the Sikh faith wear as a part of their religion. As such the police could have and most likely did use their discretion to ascertain the man had no intention of causing any harm to others, and enforcnig the law this instance could also count as infringing on the man's religious freedrom, so they just left him be. Hopefully that provides some clarity :)

6:28 Oh no!! You didn't finish saying Allegedly so you have no protection and are gonna get sued now.

I have a feeling that Brain Blaze's "Criminal Darwin Awards" and "World's Dumbest Criminals" episodes would inject some much-needed levity to The Casual Criminalist.

OMG speaking of COVID, I got my first COVID vaccine Saturday around 6pm, felt awful all day Sunday and today, Monday Feb 8. If I feel this bad after the first one I can’t imagine how bad the second will be because everyone I’ve talked to had a rough reaction to the second one. I’m not WHINING! I’m grateful to have gotten this, I want to eventually be freed from lockdown but dammit, my head and back are killing me plus the arm I got the shot in hurts so badly, if it falls off, I will be fine with it. I always have a strong reaction to the regular flu shot but this is 20 times worse. Again I’m not WHINING. Thanks Simon, funny video.

Here's one that you might want to look into: The thugs who invaded the U.S. Capitol Building on January 6, 2020. One was a real estate agent who was trying to drum up a little business with the clever tag line: "Imagine what I'd do to your house." So many of those "alleged" invaders posted pictures of themselves on social media. One was turned in to the authorities by his ex-wife. Another on was a former member of the U.S. Olympic Swim team who wore his official Olympic team jacket to the affair. Blaze on!😎🔥😌

@n_spin

3 жыл бұрын

This was my thought exactly!

@TSmith-yy3cc

3 жыл бұрын

That would make a great special episode! Great idea!

@MeduseldRabbit

3 жыл бұрын

They nabbed one guy just recently who had his business phone number in big letters on the back of his jacket.

ran out of episodes of the casual criminalist just in time for this, thank you for being so dedicated to providing new content for us to binge.

I'm glad your throat feels better Simon. I've missed those "BADAMBOOMBOOM TSSSSS!!!" moments

@annastevens1526

3 жыл бұрын

Sadly I'm afraid t's just an artifact of Simon posting his content in weird non-chronological order again...

18:31 Love the business casual look. Took me a moment and a couple rewatches to realize those were socks, not sneakers. Was going to totally remark about how you were rocking those sneakers. Nope, rocking those socks instead.