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Well, this is a lot to deal with in order to have a relationship. Women, keep your own interests, hobbies, and friends on a regular basis so you aren’t left in the lurch and bereft when he goes from hot to cold.

To me most of the times, when it got very hot and fast and then suddenly cold it was a narcissist who entangled me. Once I met a man with avoidant personality disorder who got overwhelmed by his fears of rejection and intimacy and he gave me cues.

@hellgirlheleena

4 жыл бұрын

Yes, Avoidant is the worst because they won’t let you get near them enough to form that emotional bond.

@MissSarahGM

4 жыл бұрын

@@hellgirlheleena He has the personality disorder, not the attachment style. Very sensitive (too much) and empathic, but would misinterpret any cues or expressions as sign of rejection, finally that caused him too much shame and stress, he disappeared... I keep thinking about him as the sweetest guy though. I really miss him. Contrary to the many narcissists who did the hot and cold in order to manipulate and gain control.

@shirleymartin4938

4 жыл бұрын

Today men aren't hunting buffalo...they are hunting for the easiest woman who will give them what they want (most times sex) with almost no continued effort.

@sherriflemming3218

Жыл бұрын

@@shirleymartin4938 Absolutely. Well said. Men want it easy. First red flags are love bombing and future faking. Total manipulation.

I love your definition of intimacy: Into Me You See. Perfect. This is why I have to trust a man before I sleep with him. Common interests are so vital. Mutual activities help you build the friendship and trust necessary for a healthy relationship. Having fun is flaky and lust doesn't last.

@8:00 - Yeah, f*ck fun! Thank you so much for calling that BS out Jonathon. "Fun" is code for "I'm just playin' with you, sweetheart until I get 'bored' [because you're boring?]" The same holds true, I've discovered, for "Let's just see how this all plays out." Lame doesn't begin to cover it.

First off, nice haircut. Secondly, thank you for making this video. Yesterday my guy and I talked about many logistical things about him moving in along with finances. He also thanked me for making him feel like a man. The conversation was deep and heart felt. He showed me pics of his adult children and grandchildren. Today he stopped by. The energy was polite and cordial. First time in 6 weeks he never complimented or hugged me. I saw his eyes were watery but he kept his upbeat energetic self, although it wasnt warm. It was like I was a buddy. So you're right with stuff going on at home and work. He got a new job and his wife wont divorce him. But she's getting implants soon so I think she will. I'm rambling and have hope he will be back. It might be awhile but I'll be there if he does. Our connection and kindred spirits were an undeniable match. I'm not going to cry because I know he will be back.

To me happened that after a very hot, unexpected kiss in a bar , He dissapeared for 3 days completely, never opened Whatsapp for nobody, but only because He got scared from his intense emotions. Sometimes man get cold because He can't manage his strong feelings. He was always acting cool with me, but his body language was saying that He was completely pending on my lips... but it's so sad to know a man over 50 who've never been in love...what a wasted life...

@JonathonAslay

4 жыл бұрын

Yes it is sad... it's sad anyone who reaches age 50 and never been in love.

@aaron26c

4 жыл бұрын

Kinga, your comment about believing he 'got scared from his intense emotions' caught my attention. What did you mean by that specifically? Hearing this from a man's perspective, it sounds very odd because I don't believe men speak or think this way at all. Even thinking back to conversations I've had with male friends/male co-workers/male strangers, I can't relate to any one of them feeling this way. There are many many reasons why that man from the bar didn't match your expectations, but I feel very strongly that it was NOT because he got scared from all the intense emotions he was feeling.

Hi, Jonathon and all. As a 66 year old woman who is perfectly capable of paying for a date, I dress and have my nails and hair done because I want to look my best. I also suggest venues that I enjoy and hope he will too and often tell him what I am wearing so he has a clue about what to wear. I make a point early on to be clear I will be cost sharing in whatever we do and if I suggest an outing (or he does) that is outside the norm then the person suggesting should cover the cost of the experience. If he gets antsy about that then I move on. I am looking for someone who understands partnership and isn't looking to keep or be kept.

This is my life! Love hearing a man's perspective. Thank you!

I'm so thankful for your perspective on this and all your resources are a huge help

Thank you Jonathan for the great information. I think that when we first meet someone else we are really interested in that we tend to forget what a normal relationship for a budding friendship looks like. We need to put ourselves in the other persons shoes. For instance, noticing our behaviour and excitement and not doing too much in the beginning. An example is: You meet someone you find is amazing, you think about them all the time, and want to write or talk with them all of the time within the first weeks of meeting. Ok, now step into the other persons shoes and see it from their perspective. Person B in the new relationship may be thinking that they really like you, but between their job and other preexisting friendships and priorities it is a bit overwhelming to be continually writing someone. I think that people in love tend to go a bit overboard in the beginning of new relationships. If the person is a great person, then a little extra time being taken to get to know them is worth it to you and to them. Enjoy the process slowly, like eating a delicious meal. Best wishes to each and everyone of you!

Thanks Johnathan for another real good video. I've experienced that bullshit and I was so angry I had to let him know how I feel and he came back to me

Thank you Jonathan for all of your content..you have taught me a lot..love your style & advice ! Just started your book . 💕

Thank you Jonathan... for putting this in perspective for me. The key is patience.

@JonathonAslay

4 жыл бұрын

My pleasure...

Love it. Great reminder that there’s a lot more to educate ourselves on before diving in👍🏾

@JonathonAslay

4 жыл бұрын

Absolutely!!

Oh my gosh Jonathon! It’s so true, just having fun is not enough to make it last. I’ve got to know the mechanics and I love the concept of Consciously Co-creating the relationship and I’ve never heard the concept that relationships take money but it’s so true and that’s a deep root for both people to be on the same page with how they’re going to finance their relationship. It’s a simple concept but I haven’t heard it said that way before and it really hit home for me🙏🏻❤️ once again thank you! And I love the description of a healthy, juicy, delicious relationship.. wow who doesn’t want that? love that :). I also just sampled the audio book A Return to Love and I’m so excited to listen to that, wow thanks again!

Always on point Jonathan. Agree with emotional immaturity and the other reasons. Also are there priorities in order? Many men fear commitment and intimacy. ❤️🇨🇦

lovin' watching your videos. you are shedding bright light (bulbs!) on some of my wrestled with issues. ThankYOU!

@JonathonAslay

4 жыл бұрын

I'm so glad!

Thank you for always breaking it down. Some are in fantasy land. I hear some say they are not going to put up with this or that. Good luck to those looking for perfection no one is perfect including us. Relationships are work! Your videos are amazing! ~ Tammi

@JonathonAslay

4 жыл бұрын

Well said

Thank you for this great information

Always enjoy listening to you talking about this!

@JonathonAslay

4 жыл бұрын

I appreciate that!

Read and reread and reread "return to love, amazing book " thanks, your candidness and sweet approach is very special , makes sense, since we women like to skip steps in relationship as well

@JonathonAslay

4 жыл бұрын

Wow, thank you!

Jonathon I love your hands and how you use them when talking :)

Excellent....liked this very much!!!

@JonathonAslay

4 жыл бұрын

Many thanks!!

I really appreciate the work you do. It helps me a ton. My problem seems that ,for some reason ,the volume of your podcasts is very low and hard to hear.The volume of the ads, interspersed, is terrific, but I’m having to pay very close attention to hear your voice, even at top volume. Wonder if this is just specific to me or if others are experiencing this,also. Thank you soooo much. I love the podcasts.

@JonathonAslay

4 жыл бұрын

Working on it

It was too short. Please make this subject longer. Thank You Jonathan

I appreciate your input. Very true. It's good to communicate with each other what each of us expects from bonding with each other. The part that stuck out for me was, "we're just gonna have fun, see where it goes." Isnt dating someone the point of seeing if youre compatible? Or does that happen before actually dating? Maybe im missing the point. Lol... *asking for a friend* 😅

I just split up with a man. This has explained everything. Thankyou. He waa alot younger than me.

Great video. Thanks Jonathan ♥️

@JonathonAslay

4 жыл бұрын

My pleasure!

Great video Jonathan! You so eloquently point out that relationships take work. Darn! Where’s the fun in that LOL

@JonathonAslay

4 жыл бұрын

I know, right? lol

@latifahshay6776

4 жыл бұрын

😁😁

Sounds like a roller coaster. It’s nice to have a steady flow, not super high and low...yeah incredibly strong totally immature.

Big bear hugs for you Jonathon, I am a hugger😁

It takes two to tango..Fulfilling each others desires, needs and wants. What if the relationship cannot work anymore, is it right to stay in the relationship because you are committed to each other?

Good video!

@JonathonAslay

4 жыл бұрын

Glad you enjoyed it

Starting to understand men better with every video, Jonathon! Thank you! 🙏🏼 Keep the blue! 😉

@JonathonAslay

4 жыл бұрын

Glad you like them!

Hugs are vital!

Jonathon, blue is your color, you look so handsome wearing blue❤️

I do like your glasses!

is it must me getting lost? 5 roots: 1)financial 2)build up social activites, hobbies, and mutual interest, ...... what else?

I keep referring you Jonathan. Building the community of women who refuse to participate in hookup culture.

@JonathonAslay

Жыл бұрын

Exactly 👍🏼

I just watched your talk with Helena and you mentioned the tunnel. I would love more information about being with a man who is in his tunnel. Thank you 🙂

@JonathonAslay

4 жыл бұрын

I will put that on the list of videos, give me two weeks and I hope to have it up. Thx

@sunclover

4 жыл бұрын

@@JonathonAslay thank you!!

A message from your KZread niece. :) ^^ This shirt color looks very fresh on you. ^^ Wish you all the best and also, I binge watch your videos. ^^

@JonathonAslay

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!!

@heartrose4

3 жыл бұрын

@@JonathonAslay 😊

Hi ! I have a question if it’s ok and what u think about living together not marked but plan on making a plan for future... I’ve only lived w one man and divorced now. But dating seriously

Happens much too often now.

Good books.

@JonathonAslay

4 жыл бұрын

I think so too!

I must say this gets tiresome. I have had the Too Hot to Trot guy fall out of the trees, but usually mine last a while. I do not like it when, now that I am older, these guys start off nice and sweet and the next thing you know they are taking about their private parts and how it works. I actually had what seems like a gentleman say he did not need Viagra, huh, I thought we were talking about a home goods. Just out of the blue, well I am nice , but Really!!!! I was no way thinking about a relationship, sex or anything except for what we were talking about...ugggg.

@aaron26c

4 жыл бұрын

Nadia, I get the feeling that these men you are speaking of are men from the internet or mostly texting communications. Or are they all in person?

5 ruts great massage ruts is all the time join us men and women strong deeper conaction thanks for sharing

@JonathonAslay

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely!

Hmmmm. I just posted a comment to this video, but in the middle of me writing my question the next video played and it posted to that one instead. My question was how do you not insult a man by offering to go Dutch?

@JonathonAslay

4 жыл бұрын

Can you clarify your question a bit... I'm a little unclear what you're asking? If someone gets offended by generosity, they might have control issues.

Jonathon do you love the chase? Just wondering.

@JonathonAslay

2 жыл бұрын

Sometimes 😆

I think now to talk about money and paying expenses is tough since COVID. Some are without a job or reduced income. When do you bring up the talk about the relationship? Because you bring it up too early then guys hem and haw and get tongue tied .

@JonathonAslay

4 жыл бұрын

Before sex???

It takes roots (need time) but don't u have to set standards from the start? Do u need time before u set standards?

@babetravelling

4 жыл бұрын

Also, how about I've established everything but went cold and colder even when u did the talk, gave space, concentrate on urself

@JonathonAslay

4 жыл бұрын

Know your standards, absolutely!

@JonathonAslay

4 жыл бұрын

Not every relationship goes the distance, what matters most is how you show up... 😊

@babetravelling

4 жыл бұрын

Jonathon Aslay absolutely, luv it! Bought ur book self love btw

@JonathonAslay

4 жыл бұрын

@@babetravelling I'm honored, thank you.

I wanna relationship haaaaaa Man you are sooooo on point I love you

@JonathonAslay

4 жыл бұрын

awe... thank you.

If this Dude is not out as gay then the river in Egypt has a different name.

@JonathonAslay

Жыл бұрын

Lol 😆

Men go cold when.. 1) the woman won't stay off her phone when she is with him. 2) she test him The end

JONATHON, SORRY, BUT 1) WOMEN ALREADY MAKE LESS $ 2) WOMEN SPEND WAAAY MORE ON THEIR LOOKS, HAIR, OUTFIT, MAKEUP, SHOES, ETC THAN A MAN SPENDS $ ON A DATE. IF THE MAN DOESN'T HAVE THE RECOURSES, HE SHOULDN'T BE DATING ANYWAYS

@thesylly86

4 жыл бұрын

The fact that you react in a full CAPS-LOCK comment looks like you’re screaming for attention in a non attractive way... I am a women too and I do not spend my hard worked € all on my looks.. So I can split the bill with my date and not feel guilty of taking some sort of advantage of his money.. So a man can not date if he has no to little money? That’s harsh.. 🤔

@rkk2606

4 жыл бұрын

Saying that women spend a lot of money on hair, makeup etc doesn’t really make sense to me. When I go out on a date, I don’t buy a new outfit to be used once just for that person. I use clothes and shoes that are already in my closet. I will use light makeup, not much, and it is makeup that I already use to go to work or go out with my friends. Probably pennies worth of makeup at most. Would you also say that women who don’t have resources shouldn’t date? I appreciate when a man takes me out or does something nice, but I never feel entitled to his money. It saddens me that some women think this is reasonable. A woman objectifying a man for his money is as cringeworthy as a man who objectifies a woman for her body.

@thesylly86

4 жыл бұрын

rkk260 Amen! 👍🏼

@aaron26c

4 жыл бұрын

Lisa, I don't think that its only about whether a man has the money or not for a date. I think the majority of men do. But when you are first meeting a stranger, although most men will pay 100% of the first dates without thinking twice, after awhile, he may view it as a bad investment if a woman isn't showing she's also invested in mutual experiences. I can't see how any respectable man would pay 100% of everything forever unless he viewed dating as as price of potentially owning you in the future, a price of renting you for the time being, or a price just for viewing/having you in his company. Do you really want a man to pay for everything in exchange for him viewing you in this unhealthy way?

@lisabuckner243

3 жыл бұрын

@@thesylly86 First of all it was stuck on caps, 2nd, you’re not just spending way more money on the things I just mentioned, but also time getting ready. A man needs to be in his purpose first. If he’s broke, is that marriage material? Money doesn’t pay the bills. So, if you wanna be 9 months pregnant, working because your man doesn’t have it, I’m sorry you don’t have standards.