I made the mistake
Of writings songs about cats
Alche takes it personally
we have to remedy that
Consider this song my mea culpa
A song entirely about raccoons
You're welcome, Alche
I'll get a like button soon
[chorus]
Raccoons are trash pandas
Harbingers of doom
They stalk your children
They follow you into your room
[version]
Around every genocide
A raccoon was directly involved
Every murder involves them
Especially ones unsolved
A raccoon stole your job at work
Because they are absolute jerks
Several slept with your wife
And did so at the point of a knife
[chorus]
Raccoons are trash pandas
Harbingers of doom
They stalk your children
They follow you into your room
[verse]
They're only interested in death
They engage in murderous rampage
They frolic around public pools
Throwing electrical wires at full amperage
They watch you in your sleep
Watching from darkness deep
They hover over your bed
Wishing you dead
[chorus]
Raccoons are trash pandas
Harbingers of doom
They stalk your children
They follow you into your room