Being married to the wrong person is my biggest fear. I used to think we need education to change mindsets in our south asian societies, but sadly I have witnessed my own well educated friends turn into the aunties we hated. One of my friends said I wish I was married younger so that my in laws could have molded me into the perfect bahu. Yes, she really said molded. I think wedding in our communities is much much more than a wedding, it has become a display of wealth and class.

@foreveryoung2098

Жыл бұрын

Ugh that’s the worst! It’s so sad to see the newer generations basically copy + paste the same mindset as their parents/aunties. Especially the molded comment omg

@ashleyoasis7948

Жыл бұрын

Education is part of the class system and the matrix you mean knowledge and emotional intelligence not reading a text book which are ideas invented by a white guy memorising it the going to the exam.

@ashleyoasis7948

Жыл бұрын

@@foreveryoung2098 simple if ur not gonna integrate get lost I’m south Asian btw if you still have this mindset please stay the hell away from the west

@esthellakomerl8084

Жыл бұрын

So true..

@lamoskgr

Жыл бұрын

What's a "bahu"? Pardon my ignorance

Not to mention the wedding is never really about the couple in south Asian culture. It’s always more about the parents. Ever see the guest list? It’s 90% the parents’ friends. And then the couple will have 2-3 of their actual friends there. Does the couple ever speak their vows or even present a speech? No, it’s always the parents and siblings who give speeches. It’s never about the couple and that’s why I’m so turned off by even trying to get married.

@squreshi8413

Жыл бұрын

Omg literally my wedding. I regret not speaking up (no one would’ve listened but still).

@doyoureadme94

Жыл бұрын

Elopement is so under appreciated. Lol

@VARMOT123

Жыл бұрын

There is no south Asian culture lol . South and north east india have vastly different cultures to the Hindi and Urdu belt

@silverstarlight9395

Жыл бұрын

You can still get married. Just make sure you marry a white guy

@lujainot5495

11 ай бұрын

Same in arab weddings

I feel this so much as a single girl in desi culture. People treat you like you’re not worth anything because you haven’t given up your autonomy (either to a man as a wife, or to your child as a mother). It’s just sad that you can only get respect and nice treatment once you’re married. Appreciate you for sharing and reminding me that I’m amazing just as I am ❤

@ashleyoasis7948

Жыл бұрын

Bet you only marry a man with the following career dentist chemist doctor lawyer cab driver business owner

@inherblues7261

Жыл бұрын

i feel you. you're not alone sis ❤

@lady41417w

Жыл бұрын

I feel you too as a Somali single girl, your worthless unless you're married. People suddenly treat you like a human being, till then you're nothing. I hope I can see someone talk extensively about this topic.

This is why I told myself I won't have a traditional South Asian wedding. It is a scam pressuring you to pay more money. We also don't have anyone in the west, so there is less peer pressure from distant family members, to "keep up with others".

@__-mp7om

Жыл бұрын

Will you just have a private ceremony/sign at the regustrars office i dont have anyone in the west so really have no idea how to have a standard one

@sha22276

Жыл бұрын

@@__-mp7om yeah something like that, afterwards a private dinner with family/friends that I care about, maybe have some trips/holidays planned afterwards. I want to make sure marriage is not a burden, it should be something for you and your partner, that's why you should discuss together what the scope of the wedding ceremony will be. if it becomes overbearing that's not for me.

@user-po3nr7ez3n

Жыл бұрын

Thats perfectly valid. In my part of the US, weddings are so expensive, even actually close south asian friends of my family were like, don't feel obligated to invite us, we know its expensive, when I got engaged. like even the aunties and uncles are like, it be tough out here 😂.

Bruh, as an Arab, I relate to this way too much. The expectations, the the pressure, the way people treat you differently once they find out you’re married/getting married…

@ye23.

Жыл бұрын

I think it’s a muslim thing. Our cultures place a lot of importance on marriage like you’re worthless if you’re single. They’re obsessed with marriage

you had 400 guests on your list ???? When I have my African wedding, I know that my community will hate me because I won't invite everybody who will never know I was alive and dead. My wedding will be small and only my close relatives and friends will be invited inshallah. But God was on your side when you had a wedding in the backyard which is much better than wasting money that you will never get back on 400 guests who don't really know you or might talk behind your back.

I live in the USA and I felt the discrimination when I was single. At my job I was deliberately put on schedule during holidays and pressured to work overtime because I had no husband or child to take care of.

@bevs9995

Жыл бұрын

we should be able to sue for this.

@si.3107

11 ай бұрын

That's illegal

@Caaa-Millll

11 ай бұрын

I would go straight to hr

A filial daughter, an obidient wife, a loving mother...The rejection of anything less than perfection for women is tiring. Once, I wanted kids but the older get, the more I think I cannot last. Better not to than give any child a broken home and a jaded mother...

@zetaforever4953

Жыл бұрын

The thing is, expectations only get worse the more you meet them. If you've been a perfect daughter all your life, your parents would expect you to find a "suitable" man at an "appropriate" age (or let them find one for you) and then get married and be the perfect wife. Anything less and you're letting them down. If, on the other hand, you started out as a rebel and a "failure", they'd be perfectly happy you're holding down a job and feeding yourself. Those are two extremes, maybe, but it's all about managing expectations. The more you do for someone, the more they want. I figured out at 18 this was a losing game. Now I'm happy and single and have a very good relationship with my parents, who're ecstatic if i visit them once a month. 😂

@esthellakomerl8084

Жыл бұрын

Sister, this seems the other extreme.. Think positively.. Why would you be a jaded mother? Motherhood is a beautiful experience.. Have faith in Allah.. If the Prophet pbuh recommended marriage, then there is good in that.

@cyberspace7208

Жыл бұрын

That's how you feel when you aren't connecting your being to pleasing Allah. Because mankind will never give you your just due. They will never thank you and appreciate you the way you should be appreciated. That's why doing and striving for perfection should be attached to seeking the pleasure of Allah.

@inherblues7261

Жыл бұрын

@@zetaforever4953 100% true....i learned this the really really really hard way.

@iramahmed2155

Жыл бұрын

​​@@esthellakomerl8084 being a wife and being a mother are two different things. Idk why people think marriage = kids. It bloody doesn't. You get married to have a partner and live with them in a halal manner. IF one wants to have kids they can after marriage. But they aren't the reason for marriage.

I'm almost 30 and still haven't gotten married, but I feel like I've been trained to deal with other people's disappointment in me throughout my life so the pressure now slides off my back thank god.

@user-po3nr7ez3n

Жыл бұрын

😂😂 thats honestly so healthy, good for you!

Hasidic Jew here :) just saw some of your videos for the first time - very engaging content and I connect a lot with what you're saying here.

The Islamic discourse for the wedding is so simple subhanallah. I believe that people focus more on the event itself and how they can show off to others rather than understanding the magnitude of the responsibility they're about to take on their shoulders. Especially in our Desi culture

@thedecentcow

Жыл бұрын

May Allah swt guide our ummah. Spending one's wealth to show off does not seem very islamic to me too... and to think young couples feel pressured to spend tens of thousands of dollars just to secure the "approval" of others? Better to donate it and seek the good opinion of your Creator rather than his creation... I'd much rather invite people to my newlywed home, one small guestlist at a time, for an intimate dinner celebration (rather than have a wedding). But that's just me 🤷🏽‍♀️

I know people who had multiple weddings because certain parts of their families couldn't travel. So they did the whole thing multiple times and I felt so bad for them.

@esthellakomerl8084

Жыл бұрын

Like priyanka chopra? 🤦

@user-po3nr7ez3n

Жыл бұрын

I mean some people don't mind that. I'm pretty close to my family and plan to travel and have a celebration with them and my husband bc we both want to and coming to us not feasible for them due to skyrocketing travel costs post covid. Its not always so miserable 😅. But every family is different and not all couples want that, so I get why it's more exhausting then anything for some couples

I did hair for a Desi wedding. Wonder family! Some of the kindest women I’ve ever met in my life. But I asked the bride (November 2020) how many people they were having because of restrictions. ‘Oh yeah….we had to shave it down to 300’ When my ex and I were planning our ceremony ages ago, I remember thinking 80 was a lot of people!

@ashleyoasis7948

Жыл бұрын

Where were the cowerds to garner that much attention to a wedding but not protest after 911 to rascium if ur American atleast we did in uk

@user-po3nr7ez3n

Жыл бұрын

Lol in south asian countries weddings are huge, all extended family, the whole village or community. Remember south asian families are huge and our countries have huge populations, in addition labor is cheap and its not paid per head like it is in places like the US. Its very easy to arrange weddings of that size in our mother countries, our industries over there are designed for it. and for extra guests showing up. My coworkers are shocked that my wedding is 400+ plus people, and I'm like, thats only cause we have limited funds, not all family live or can travel here, and it be expensive in this area 😂 otherwise it would be more people.

I've refused to go to a second cousin's wedding because we don't know each other, shaving down a guest list is always a good idea, representing the family bedamned

@ashleyoasis7948

Жыл бұрын

Unfortunately south Asians don’t go to night clubs or drink so the weddings are the only way they can get to meet eachother Indian men are not exactly known for there game

@j.a822

Жыл бұрын

Lol How is in unfortunate that we dont drink or go clubbing? The ones who do, do and the ones who dont, dont.

@silverstarlight9395

Жыл бұрын

​@@ashleyoasis7948 south Asian here. I go to clubs and drink quite regularly

@ashleyoasis7948

Жыл бұрын

@@j.a822 becuse now Indian men are dubbed as being creepy to western ppl they think they can do the stuff they get away with in India like stalking girls home and touching them on buses.

I'm Pakistani-Canadian and married a man form Turkey. Neither my husband nor I wanted to put a large financial burden on our parents or ourselves so we opted for a small wedding. We had our nikkah in Canada which was about 50 people and the wedding reception in Turkey a year later. I decided not to do some of the other extra events like mehndi because of the expense. Though I must say the one thing I do regret is not doing better research for my bridal look and spending a bit extra on a better photographer. I look back on the photos and think I didn't look how I wanted to on my wedding and that's a really disappointing feeling because you want those lifelong memories of such a significant day in your life to be beautiful.

@inherblues7261

Жыл бұрын

you can always do another photo shoot!

@adeenkhan4638

Жыл бұрын

Don't feel bad, photos are just a smaalll part of the experience. If u have great memories together, nothing else Really matters.

This was a brilliant reflection with the peak being where you talk about how you entered the car with your new family

@patchworkpig89

Жыл бұрын

Also hilarious😂

I’d love to see a video on how your post marriage life is going! Things you didn’t expect, things that exceeded your expectations, etc!

In my family, you are a girl until you get married. Your age doesnt matter, your degrees or money thst you make doesnt matter. You are a little girl, a daughter, until you get a fiance, then you get granted some autonomy, and only are you seen as a grown adult person when you get married. The literal you are a child to me until you become someone other's problem. Only then you are a person whose opinion somewhat matters, and even then all the important stuff is not consulted with you, but with your husband. I am 25 years old. I have two degrees. In my mothers eyes i cannot call a roofer to fix our roof, even though i can afford it, because thats her future son in law's job.

@sab889

Жыл бұрын

Sooo true, i can definitely relate, 25 as well

@INTELECT112

Жыл бұрын

What!!!!

@silverstarlight9395

Жыл бұрын

Marry a white man. He'll never undermine your autonomy.

This video is right on point. Currently watching this video with my sisters. I can say this also happens in other cultures especially in the Eastern African cultures, where I am from. As always Tazzy great video!

Unrelated comment (I just started watching the video) but girl your skin is amaaaaazing, might I persuade you to do a more trivial-themed video about your skincare routine? ❤❤

I really appreciate how thoughtful you are, and as someone who is probably not your target demographic, is what keeps me coming back. I’ve thought about it and ppl being there for your good times (eg congratulating you when youre engaged) is also partly just a reflection of an easy/safe thing to talk about. I dont avoid less exciting, or talking about things people are struggling with, but don’t start with those just bcs i dont want to make the other person uncomfortable by chance

My heart breaks for any girl who is going through this, let’s keep educating ourselves girls. Things will change.

Tazzy, your videos are like therapy!! I was wondering if you've ever taken an MBTI personality test, i think you might be a rare one.

@midnightsky3782

Жыл бұрын

She strikes me as an ENFP.

Damn I’ve never been this early eben to people I’m subscribed to. Maybe it’s a sign that I should subscribe…

The amount of excitement and congratulations is directly proportional to how much they are trying to cover up the fact they think your relationship is not going to last.......A co-worker told me she was getting married, and I tried so hard to be positive (rather than ask her why the heck she was marrying this guy), that I bought her a gift card. 🤣.................(predictably like 1yr later they were divorced).

Tazzzzy you’re so close to 100K!!! so proud of you girl, been here since the start 😍 ALSO yes asian weddings are legit a scam, I remember freaking out am when I started getting quotes for venues - £30K for just hiring the building and getting some tables and chairs?! 😭😭. I’m a wedding photographer part time and sometimes working with asian clients can be challenging, but Alhamdulillah for the most part i’ve had a great experience so far 😅

What a lovely conversation 👍

AsalamuAlaikum! GIRL! The way I needed this video. I didn't even know myself. The ending was so simply worded and the accuracy made me so unexpectedly emotional. Thank you! Seriously.. love you and love your content. May Allah bless you! Ameen. This life thing.... ahh... :)..... it's a tough one.

Saw this video and knew we were about to get some TRUTH

Tasneem has such a great way of explaining things in a relatable way , regardless of which stage of life her audience is at. Its amazinggg

Love your vlogs ❤

The way you kept touching the lens slightly every now and then made me feel like I was sat talking with you irl lol 😅

I'm american and the pressure of being married not just for life but for eternity is a huge scary thing in my culture. I can't imagine the logistics for a huge desi wedding and our wedding we had two receptions , and I didnt get to meet my in laws side at his side reception because my father in-law invited people from our congregation on top of his clients. It was so stressful even then and it's been 10 years ! , I hear yea though on how you hated your hair nails etc. I wish I'd done them different too !

I enjoyed your video 😊

On point. You looked beautiful, I get the looking back and thinking why though, especially if you're not a fashion diva.

The picture in the thumbnail, you look so beautiful ma shaa Allah🥹😍

I love you so damn much, you're so natural and lovely

I’m 1/4 Indian and knew barely anything about South Asian wedding culture and as soon as I announce my engagement everything turns to 💩 with all the politics. Rumors about me being pregnant. People start having big opinions about who I marry. It was just a mess. I dreaded my wedding day. Thank god it’s over.

@DearBill

4 ай бұрын

North African weddings are much worst than Desi weddings. Toxic aunties criticize your clothes, your children and even say « oh the bridal didn’t put the 7 dresses ». They eat so much meals but criticize everyone eat a bit too much according if they like you or not. You are veggie , they’ll mocking you. They gossiping on everyone , if anyone outside the race come , he will be badly treated. Especially if he’s a Black or Jew person … I feel you and understand, but Bangladeshi or Indian wedding are waaay softer than North African wedding.

I worked for a very short time in banquet management. Things that a function hall already owns (like tables and chairs) absolutely can change price. It depends on what demand there is for that thing on that day. If we have this style of chairs for 400, and your function is for 200 ppl, that means that the other chairs are not rentable that day unless for a party with under 200 ppl. If we commit to rent you the chairs at X price and tomorrow a party that is more flush with cash wants them, and would pay a higher price, they can't. I know that seems greedy but depending on where you are in the world your function hall might have several days or even months of the year with no business. You really need to make it count when you do get a party. And you need to pay your people top dollar because they are probably missing a wedding every day that they come to work if it is wedding season! Not to mention that it is a seasonal job so you must track them and get them back every season. Many things however are indeed scams. This isn't one of them because delaying to tell you a price or charging you more than someone else for the same thing is not a scam. If they had told you the price was $ and then the bill came to $$$ that would be a scam.

I don't get marriage. I stopped going to weddings a while ago. I do miss our community hall functions including weddings. True this video to the fact that you were and are always good, marriage doesn't change that. Super interested in what could happen for you Tazzy.

Hahaha I am going through this so this was amazing to watch and relate to. The jimmy neutron killed me.

Looooool at Alex from Mexico

I'm 10 days away from my own wedding this couldn't have been more relatable jzakallah Tasneem ❤

The part at 3:40 has me cackling about the price of a chair and the Mexican chef figuring out food for a Desi wedding. I love the sarcasm.

YES GURL YES. preach man, this is truth. My wedding in India was about 2000 guests ha😅

Married or single Ive always been great- Tazzy girl😂😂😂 Tazz I love you you go girl!!!❤❤

Not to mention, in Pakistan and India the cost of labor and help is cheap so all of the work and planning can be easily managed. In the US, the majority of the planning and stress just falls on the bride which is unfair and ridiculous

Tazzy, you are beautiful. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Not Jimmy Neutron 😂 I frigging love you ❤

The only thing good about desi culture is the food and I especially hate the weddings. Red colour for the poor bride (prolly heavily embroidered by poor kids in Pakistan) and then having to balance a flipping rupata on one shoulder all evening all the whilst making jovial chit chat and uttering 'bus aap ki duain hain' to each greeting.

@ashleyoasis7948

Жыл бұрын

Funny how the it’s the woman that complain most about it but still marry into it while the men don’t care and just leave it’s you guys continuing it with ur elders

@VARMOT123

Жыл бұрын

Desi ~ north india and pakistan right ?

I didn't get your wedding invite .. 😂

We had our albanian wedding one year ago Masha’Allah And my wife still needs to wear new clothes every time we visit my family, because of her being a „new“ bride 😂

@seiji99

Жыл бұрын

Yup albanians do this too. I myself won't do it😂i don't do many things that albanians usually do. Bc I don't care. I won't plan to do a wedding bc of religious reasons and that is already a hard pill to swollow for the albanians hahaha. My sister got married & didn't to that dress thing or wedding and she is also young like in her early 20s and those cousins from back in kosovo were like very judgy when they found out she neither did wedding or any other type of celebrating just the islamic wedding ceremony. Which I found very weird cause they are young and should understand little bit more about why we don't do that..😅

I completely agree xD My grandmom treats me like a child even though I'm 22. She's like having a job isn't as important as being married is and even though I have a 9-5 and can earn money I still am a useless child because i can't cook lmaoooo. I'm glad my mom doesn't think that way.

Sister ur so funny and right 😂

My friend, in the wedding industry, told me to never book an event or any other service and say its for a wedding.

The larger wedding is the more distant it becomes to its purpose. Right now theres a a lot of conflict between families in both arranged and love marriage where in laws want a traditional DIL, but the DIL is more modern thinking. And to think they couldve reduced conflict if they spent more time talking about the son and daughter to see if the families are good match for one another instead of wasting time on wedding purchases and invites.

@omowhanre

Жыл бұрын

Trust me, they probably know the bride is more “modern,” but believe they can beat her into submission. They like that she’s educated, speaks good English and understands Western culture oh and can earn a good income. They just want to have their cake and eat it too. They want it all and then some.

Expensive and flash weddings are a recent thing in the UK. I remember attending weddings in schools halls where everyone sat on plastic chairs, ate from paper plates and gave a little money to the bride and groom. I blame the city Pakistanis who emigrated later. I mean the Lahoris and Karachites and their expectations of jahez and need to show off, for introducing this culture into the already established communities.

Yeah they see you as less without a man …..🙄

@ashleyoasis7948

Жыл бұрын

The longer you wait the more we males find loop holes anyways

@shaniceokubena4975

Жыл бұрын

​@Ashley Oasis if you wish to elaborate please

@shaniceokubena4975

Жыл бұрын

​@Ashley Oasis if you wish to elaborate please

@cyberspace7208

Жыл бұрын

Because single people are less without marriage

@besafricain9281

Жыл бұрын

@@cyberspace7208 how narrow minded is that? You know that there will be always people that will never marry and that is what Allah swt has written for them. So you’ll belittle someone on something that was in their qader/destiny? SubhanAllah…

I will say 😂 Covid was a blessing 😂😂😂

Like when covid hit and every couple was initially very sad. But when their wedding passed in a small circle and was waaay cheaper and they used that money for buying a home or their savings. They were so happy. My sister married during the pandemic and she said that it was way better this way, this is the Islamic way. We really should stop throwing these lavish weddings, nothing about it is right and has a place in our religion. Its sad that you spend all this money just to throw them a wedding, the wedding isn’t for you. 😅

Lmao. I'm glad I'm not the only one who cringes at my shoulders 😂

Well....here goes....I got married late (thanks to my mother). I never was an 'arusa' as I married someone from a different country so no wedding, just Nikah....and so within my family and community, I wasn't treated any better after I got married.

I'm going to make it a point to ignore people who suddenly show up when they hear I'm getting married.

Tazzy mam, u had a dream wedding. Mashallah

Is it worth it?

This is why I have decided not to get married. I don't want to become someone's slave all my life

@silverstarlight9395

Жыл бұрын

You can marry a white man. That way, you won't be a slave.

Well now I feel tempted to get married for social status.

Quick question: is that fiddle leaf fig real? If so how old is she??

Haha that's crazy!! I didn't even get the chance to have a wedding due covid and travel restrictions, but I was only gonna spend maximum 2k and it was gonna happen in my backyard, and no pic pff haha

keeping up with the khandaanshians is genius

Covid isn't over fam 🙃

I’m not gonna lie even as guy I find her entertaining

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Cause Mexican cooks can literally master any dish! That’s what all the cooks in Chinese or Indian restaurants are Mexicans lol

whoever marries this woman , i see a “false domestic violence case” coming their way ..stay away lol

not south asian. just want to have a romantic small/med nikkah and go on a long relaxing honeymoon

There is no south Asian culture ffs.freedom for People in northeast India >> south india >>>>> north and west india ~pakistan. It shows in fertility rates,MMR,IMR,women workforce participation etc

The Equal Credit Opportunity Act did not make it legal to have women own bank accounts, what it did was PREVENT financial institutions from discriminating on the basis of sex, which some did do. However, women had bank accounts going back to the 1800's (there was even a woman bank president in 1875) although financial services could be hard to come by (maybe effectively impossible). In 1974 a high percentage of all single adult women of decent income had individual bank accounts. Tradionally, the people most restricted from individual account were married women due to Coveture. The legal tradition of Coveture meant: Commentaries on English Law (1765-1769): >By marriage, the husband and wife are one person in the law: that is, the very being or legal existence of the woman is >suspended during the marriage, or at least is incorporated and consolidated into that of the husband: under whose wing, >protection, and cover, she performs every thing. During the 19th Century women's property rights, particularly married women, were legally expanded via changes to state laws. By 1919 bank in Tennessee was owned & run exclusively by women and had mostly women customers. www.jstor.org/stable/42623608 daily.jstor.org/a-bank-of-her-own/