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The Secret to Helping ANY Child Follow Your Directions
In this video, I'm going to break down how to help your child follow your directions so you can make the most of your time and reduce you and your little one's frustration!
These tips work especially well when used in my reading lessons and I have an amazing free 30 minute workshop to help you get started: toddlersread.i...
Remember: every child is different. So find out what works best for YOUR child and stick to that!
Пікірлер: 3 700
I would love if you could demo this with a child on camera
@toddlerscanread
Ай бұрын
Examples here with a 4 year old: kzread.info/dash/bejne/qKiM17lperfMmco.htmlsi=xBGLV4eivAWix3-h
@margaritavoto9797
Ай бұрын
What if the child it’s an adult 50’s
@Aritul
Ай бұрын
@@margaritavoto9797 😂
@Lisalvsjohn
Ай бұрын
Demo this with all 25 kids in the classroom, actually. I’d really love to see that?
@lerrylee8711
Ай бұрын
Good morning, Will this work in a class room setting?
I watched this with my 7 year old last night. And tonight she caught me asking my 4 year old “do you want to brush your teeth now sweetie?” My 7 year old says “daddy, look her in the eye and use a firm voice” 🤯😳 So this time I got in my 4 year olds face, touched her shoulder and said “time to brush your teeth sweetie. Do you want to start with the top or bottom?” “TOP!” Amazing. So clearly explained my 7 year old could coach me. and it worked perfectly when applied. You, sir, are a gift. THANK YOU
@zam1007
4 ай бұрын
Haha, to the naughty step with you sir, think about what you did wrong for 20 mins. 😂
@autumnstoptwo
4 ай бұрын
i love that 😂😂😂 from the mouth of babes 😁
@carolstarks5349
3 ай бұрын
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
@user-ug2yz6vb7p
3 ай бұрын
Wonderful.
@Ily_anjurae
3 ай бұрын
Baby girl used the same method on daddy 😆
My eyes are watering. I did this was my toddler this morning and no tantrums changing his diaper, putting on his clothes, getting him in the car. Thank you SO much for this.
@JonathanLittle001
4 ай бұрын
1:15 mannnnn give MS Williams all her flowers🎉 It was indeed her, because of what she knew. Thank you for sharing it.
@jkm4836
2 ай бұрын
I tried it today, and it worked instantly. I'm hooked to this channel. The methods truly do work
@JoyinIAM
2 ай бұрын
I will practice this today with my energetic toddler ❤😂❤️ gotta love this age they want to learn so much and also feel empowered that they CAN do things 🙏🏻
@Pkilla80
2 ай бұрын
A toddler can't comprehend any of this.
@JappaKneads
2 ай бұрын
@@Pkilla80 So, what can they comprehend?
This is great. I especially appreciate the statement, "we don't ask questions about things that matter." That hit home.
@saotul
2 ай бұрын
I'm not an english speaker so I've problem understanding "what's matter" & "what's not matter"
@GMaier-sn9ye
2 ай бұрын
You get to decide. :) Are you indifferent to their response? Ask a question. Do you have an expectation of a certain response of what YOU want them to answer? Don't leave it open-ended and ask a question - give a direction.
@wesleylima5723
2 ай бұрын
@@saotulin this context, what matters is what is important. For example, what really matters is the kid learning. Learning "e" sounds or "a" sounds does not really matter (meaning that it is not important).
@RingWrapsBoxingChats
2 ай бұрын
💯
@poladelarosa8399
19 күн бұрын
In Mexico, a parent would never, ever end an order or request with a question mark in their voice. It's just not on their horizon of understanding child management, nor on the child's understanding of obedience.
I started implementing this a few days ago. I realized in order to give my children instructions, I have to know what I want them to do. I have to have a plan. I also realized how often I ask my children questions! wow. no wonder it's getting complicated and heated. Thank you for sharing this! I am a better communicator!
@elisabethjones4917
2 ай бұрын
Right. I actually had to back up a couple frames to catch the difference between statement and direction. Going to try this with my oldest tomorrow.
1. Face 2 Face 2.Keep Eye Contact 3. Physical Contact 4. Calm and Confident Energy 5. Clear and Specific 6.Questions(Yes or No) or Statements(😟🙃)Or Directions (🤓)
@369HueDeeTruthSeekBfr33
7 ай бұрын
Your the goat
@vchgs2872
7 ай бұрын
Thanks!! 🎉🎉 Now inspired to listen to the whole recording.
@ritamartinez1596
7 ай бұрын
Ty
@BlackGirlMajik
6 ай бұрын
Imagine them being autistic and not making eye contact. What then?
@downbntout
6 ай бұрын
@BlackGirlMajik closer proximity and ignore it
I’m a mom of 5 kids, the act alone of going up to your kid and looking them in the eye is incredibly helpful
@ceebee7192
6 ай бұрын
Yes I tried that one right away and it worked. It’s better than raising your voice across rooms- we parents have to be present to make it easier on ourselves.
@kristinathomas5890
2 ай бұрын
I have to restart this habit! I was so good at it when I had one kid. Now I have 3 and I do so much shouting across the room. SMH.
@Rickettsia505
Ай бұрын
I taught my husband to use this with his autistic son: eliminate distraction (like tv or video game), get close and down on his level, make eye contact, no yelling. Worked every time!
@FEED_ME_A_STRAY_CAT
8 сағат бұрын
@@kristinathomas5890understandable, 3 kiddos must be exhausting!
The VERY BEST explanation of Questions vs Statements vs Directions!
You have to believe in your kid. WOW teachers and parents of teenagers especially need to hear this.
The world needs more men like this to help mentor our children. 🙌
@zenbuddhagirl
7 ай бұрын
I was thinking the same thing. You can see his passion and it's a beautiful thing 😍 ✨️
@tamrahrane3349
6 ай бұрын
With him doing this…. He is already doing it :) very wise….
@joshuaramseur
6 ай бұрын
No we do not. This specific method is not appropriate.
@shoogasweet5847
6 ай бұрын
@joshuaramseur why? How do you justify your belief? What makes what you say creditable?
@ellieem4716
6 ай бұрын
@@shoogasweet5847 My guess is it's a bot because that's just ridiculous. This guy is clearly doing something he's passionate about, has taken the time to learn and "craft" and perfect it in a way he sees the best results. If he's doing it and around kids all the time and it's working, then clearly his method IS appropriate and effective and it's done in a caring way too....kudos to you sir!!! 👏 👏 👏 And thank you for what you do!
He just used all of his strategies on us as adults (minus the touch) and it worked. This guy’s got it!
@janiquecantey5353
6 ай бұрын
i was thinking the same... i was totally engaged and ready to teach my child. :)
@antebellumblackamerican7408
6 ай бұрын
i was ready to teach a child and I don't have any yet..@@janiquecantey5353
@hdavis9856
5 ай бұрын
That's the best way to teach.
@cgreen8722
5 ай бұрын
I noticed that 😂. It worked
@Nervatron
4 ай бұрын
You're so right! I was completely engaged the whole time watching this!
This method was how I dealt with my son’s autism. Thankyou for this😊.
I love this method. This method means the parent has to put their devices away.
@dwlsn93
Ай бұрын
Kiddos too! Parents use the devices as babysitters waaayyy too much.
@LindaMcIntosh-vp9nm
Ай бұрын
Boy...getting the parents to do both of those two items off and away... is like pulling teeth from what I've seen!!!!
@elijahpickett5297
27 күн бұрын
BINGO 👏Present parenting . But that takes accountability 😮
It worked a treat with my 12yo this morning! I gave her directions: get out of bed and put your uniform on (with my hand on her hair). Then you can choose what to have for breakfast. And she did it. No shouting, no threats, just cuddles 😅😮❤. Thank you so much🎉
@RobMedellin
6 ай бұрын
Still working? I am afraid that they develop some kind of immunity. Like first time they feel the instruction is more special, then you repeat the technique too much that they become just another instruction.
@edvh88
6 ай бұрын
Great job mom!!
@Gordon013
6 ай бұрын
Wait you have to still wake up your 12 year old? When I was 12 I was expected to be ready for the bus when it came and I made my own breakfast if I wanted something to eat.
@ForceTranq
6 ай бұрын
Did she choose candy for breakfast ?
@leannepayne4081
5 ай бұрын
I would tell your 12 year old what you expect every morning, then I would get an alarm clock or old phone etc and have it wake the child up in the morning. Tell her/him you need them up, dressed and into the kitchen for breakfast without you doing anything.
Finally, the KZread algorithm sent me something of value. This is the best video I've seen on this topic. Ever. Thank you for this. While every child is different, there are definitely some amazing takeaways. For me, the single most important thing is to start off right. When I get this part right, everything else flows. And within that, the single most important thing is my energy level. If I have this set right, and I connect with my son and provide clear direction, things go so, so much better. And never quite understood why some days were so much better than others until I saw this video. And now, I know exactly where I need to focus and fine tune. Thank you for this. I'm going to share it with a number of groups now. Parents that are struggling with the same thing. Thank you again.
@christianmommybillionaires
6 ай бұрын
That part😂😂😂
@theladykaybee
6 ай бұрын
Agreed! Best video ever. So much value!
@GeorgiaHomeGuide
4 ай бұрын
Agree
@breezypeaches
2 ай бұрын
Exactly, the most valuable "random" video yet!
I’m 30. I had no men or women teachers like this growing up until maybe senior year high school. These kids will excel with teachers like him.
What is incredible is that I think I did this method without knowing it the other day. My 3-year-old daughter was bicycling ahead of us too far and we were yelling at her to come back but she wouldn't. Once I caught up with her I knelt down in front of her looked her in the eye and held her arm and told her why not to do that and that we were trying to make her safe. From then on she listened to us when we told her to come back. This is really amazing teaching. I'm going to try this when I get home again.
I’ve been a teacher/literacy coach for the last 11 years and i’ve never seen it explained this way. Thank you. I needed this.
@toddlerscanread
Жыл бұрын
Thank you, Noor! I appreciate it!
@kollettebryant3432
7 ай бұрын
Ok now I see why my student wants me around him when he does his work!!!
@Padraigp
6 ай бұрын
It's what humans do when speaking to each other. And weirdly children are human beings.
@Em22-wtf
6 ай бұрын
This was great at a young age... My child hit 14 & omgggg 😂😂 I was one of those "laughing on the dark abysmal inside" kids & WOW am I paying for that now lol! He's actually not as bad as I was, he just has ZERO interest in school work & aside from grounding, I don't know how to get him to do it or at least CARE about doing the work. And he's one of those kids that CAN do, easily, gets As&Bs when getting off punishment counts. But after that, it slowly dive bombs. I've done that talks, the future is now whole thing, I've done grounding. I won't give up, I just don't know what else to TRY 🥴
@user-ux7up9ur2u
6 ай бұрын
How will this transfer to school, tho? I can't tell my son's teachers how to teach/engage 😬
I love this guy BUT what I love MOST is that kid he threw behind the chair is SO quiet...not bouncing, screaming, throwing a fit or a shoe at his head, crying, making himself throw up. That KID is amazing! 😵🤣 Silliness aside though, I'm sure this is valid. You're a good teacher.
@NinaGiles-bg8lb
6 ай бұрын
Right 🤔
@Dewingyou1
6 ай бұрын
😂😂😂😂😂
@alananiicole
6 ай бұрын
Bahaha! 😂
@freetocomment1946
6 ай бұрын
Joking aside, that was what my mind was on the whole video. What do the other kids do while i am focused on this child and working with this child? Cuz the biggest challenge for me is those ones jumping off the walls while i am working with a kid.
@jodynanci
6 ай бұрын
😂😂😂 not me looking for the actual child tho
Teaching is definitely an art form, as much as it is a skill and labor of love. You all need more respect and especially compensation than you get in our society. thank you for what you do and everyone in the profession.
I don’t have any young children but I used to be a teacher for over 25 years and you are amazing! I never leave comments but I wish I had known you when I began teaching. Such great advice. Teaching others is definitely a gift you have and I thank you for sharing.
Homeschool single dad here, thank you, I'm on it! #subscribing
@rheaceleste2091
4 ай бұрын
proud of you! I am a homeschooling single mom and you are an inspiration!
@cjphillips
4 ай бұрын
@@rheaceleste2091 🙏🏽💜
@naowright9308
4 ай бұрын
Sometimes, when I see the lesson is not getting through, I ask them, "What did I say?" Getting them to say the directions sometimes helps them to realize what to do. Cudos to you, dad!
@cjphillips
4 ай бұрын
@@naowright9308 thank you, and I needed that reminder ("repeat it back to me").
@lovelaugh5905
3 ай бұрын
Good job to you. Hats off to you for what you're doing.
What you’re saying about attention sounds a lot like what my holistic doctor told me about a baby’s nervous system. The baby’s nervous system is underdeveloped so they need to be held a lot to learn to be calm. So through touch, the baby feels us being calm and then learns to be calm as well. I wonder if a similar thing is happening in the brain with attention. Through our gaze and touch being directed at the kids (our full attention), their brains are learning to pay attention. It’s like a synchronizing process. If our attention is split, so will theirs. If we are not calm, they won’t be either. Very interesting. Great video! Thank you for all this thought-provoking content!
@queendeche4555
7 ай бұрын
I’ve had the same thoughts about my 19 month old! I notice that when he has my full attention, he is relaxed, content, and happy. If I’m trying to multitask on my phone or not really engaging him, he doesn’t know what to do with himself lol. Great comment!
@britneywade3411
6 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for this comment!
@sarah-jaynemcdonald2594
6 ай бұрын
Yip. They are little sponges.
@Malina4477
6 ай бұрын
Ye!!! I notice this with my son! I focus and are in the moment myself it helpes him. Work with my energy is everything❤
@sawdustadikt979
6 ай бұрын
Co-regulation
I think we’ve all picked up on the teachers that get kids to listen vs those that don’t. Good for you for taking the extra step and figuring out why and then relating it to parents
I can teach any age and ability how to swim , and these are the exact methods I’ve gathered in all my 15 years of experience , all while keeping kids safe and intrigued while in the water . This guy for sure knows his stuff .
This just changed my parenting and my teaching career. Seriously. I saw this video on my bathroom break and then implemented these techniques in my classroom and it worked, and I’m excited to go home and change how I father my sons.
@adamcotterill3511
6 ай бұрын
It’s a 13 min video. You watched it on your bathroom break? 😮 Must have been a hot curry the night before. 😊
@kofiholman8325
6 ай бұрын
@@adamcotterill3511 😅
@ElderandOakFarm
6 ай бұрын
Love this l!
@ElderandOakFarm
6 ай бұрын
@@adamcotterill3511 I didn't even realize that! Haha! Is your name Denver by chance? I have a coworker that disappears to the bathroom all the time...
@coutureleotards
6 ай бұрын
😂😂 that was a long bathroom break 😂😂❤
Imagine if all teachers had this level of understanding… society would be transformed.
@omnium_gatherum
6 ай бұрын
But parents too, because a lot of the time poor parenting causes issues with their child in the classroom that can disrupt learning for everyone.
@robintisdale-turner5061
6 ай бұрын
Parents have a bigger role than teachers. Teachers only work with what parents send them. Children belong to the parents not the teachers. Parents raise children not teachers. Dont forget who is ultimately responsible for the child.
@tomare6479
6 ай бұрын
Imagine if men comprised 40+ %of teachers and all boys / girls schools came back.
@tomare6479
6 ай бұрын
@@robintisdale-turner5061parents raise adults, teachers when all women, is a low-grade crime against humanity for boys
@eyespy3001
6 ай бұрын
Many do have this level of understanding, and many have the intention to be this engaged and engaging. However, the problem is that classrooms are too big to allow this level of engagement. You can’t give tailored attention to each and every student when you have 30+ kids in the classroom. An interesting experiment for large classrooms would be to break the entire classroom down into groups of five and have aides assigned to each group. So there would be one teacher commanding the class and giving the lectures/lessons while the aides guide each group along with the attention and engagement shown in this video. I understand, however, that this would cost the school A LOT of money, hiring several aides for each class. Though, this can be part of a student teacher’s path to becoming a teacher, the same way that students in medical schools have to put in a certain amount of hours in residencies before becoming doctors.
This makes so much sense. I am homeschooling my two kids one 9 years old and the other one is 7 years old. And this info DOES helps. Thank you, Jesus!! ❤❤
I don’t have kids. But a man, of color, teaching the internet about child care. Subscribed. #support
I was a nanny for a decade and a mother. Even the “difficult” kids always behaved incredibly well with me but were the complete opposite with their parents. All because of these very points. I also homeschooled my daughter long before covid and can attest that toddlers can learn to read and love the learning process. Thank you for sharing this with the world🙏🏼
@toddlerscanread
Жыл бұрын
You're welcome! And I appreciate you sharing. : )
@valeriemccallnxhfbfhddhd6204
7 ай бұрын
Is this only for toddlers? I have a 11 yr old granddaughter
@violetgutierrez5315
7 ай бұрын
Kids always behave different with parents
@Kirsty178
6 ай бұрын
That’s because they are probably neurodivergent. They will mask and comply to protect them selfs but when they get home it’s their safe place all that build up stress has overloaded there system and it has to come out. The Coke bottle effect!
@TheFakeyCakeMaker
6 ай бұрын
I'll just say it depends on the child. I could read from 2, my youngest is learning letters and numbers but my oldest still struggles and has a learning difficulty despite my best efforts.
I felt inspired by this as nowadays teachers and child experts are so keen to labeling children with life time behavioural condition instead of empowering kids and parents to do more. Keep up the good work.
@davidm4566
6 ай бұрын
Kids all have ADHD and ADD because they are kids! Some are just worse than others and need medicine or therapy, but it's still normal-like they are kids too.
@RachelledelaRosa
6 ай бұрын
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
@thesincitymama
6 ай бұрын
My parents fought vigorously to avoid “labeling” me in the 70s and 80s. Instead they made me “learn how to act right” but masking my true nature was actually harmful for me. I still have a lifetime neurological and developmental disorder, even though my parents didn’t “label” me. It didn’t go away just because they refused to allow a diagnosis.
@thedailygrind-m70
6 ай бұрын
It starts at home. As a former teacher, both regular ed and special ed, I can't tell you how many parents demand their children get tested. They think getting them a label A) will get them a monthly check, (yes, they say this) and B) they think a label will get their child some magic 1 on 1 instruction. In one year's time my special ed caseload doubled due to parent referrals, most for ADHD. Schools do NOT want to label the kids. I had many parents cry if their child didn't meet criteria. I had parents lie so their kids could be put on drugs and basically be zombies. It is a mess.
@dharmapunk777
6 ай бұрын
I didn't find out I have ADHD until I was an adult at 36 yrs old. I was a fuck up and a loser and still kind of am despite being told I was smart my whole life (was reading at the college level in grade 3). There is a chance I could have done much better if I had been given the right tools to succeed instead of just being told " you could do so much better if you just applied yourself." @@thedailygrind-m70
I’m a nanny of a 3 year old- I’m teaching him to read. He’s doing great but this will help immensely! Can’t wait to implement these tips on Monday!
I wish I found this 6 years ago trying to get my then 2 year old niece ready for daycare in the morning! When he said give me the “hard to teach kids” it brought tears to my eyes. This is the type of people we need more of in education and in general in the world. ❤ I am definitely going to follow a lot of this with my employees as well! I manage 14 year olds to 75 year olds and I imagine it would work with a lot of them. ❤
I just watched this video today and immediately in 15 minutes I tried it with my 7 year old son (to get his reading done). It worked!!! He did try to test the waters midpoint but I didn’t waiver from my new position. He conceded and everything continued on smoothly. Looking forward to the days ahead and beyond. Thank you sir, God used you to bring peace in my home 🙏🏽
@WlmaAlexender-zl6nx
6 ай бұрын
3rd grade special ed teacher here. We us these techniques in my trade, they help regardless of kids needs. I'm glad more parents and teachers are learning them. God bless you and keep you.
@AbrahamOfWorms
6 ай бұрын
I have a 3 year old and this video just gave me a few major breakthroughs. I wish I could give this man a hug.
@lisashoemaker2781
6 ай бұрын
This is amazing. I am excited to try these techniques with my grandson who has problems with focus.
@TraceyNouveau
6 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing these results-- I'm going to be trying this method today!! ❤❤❤
@evarivas9172
6 ай бұрын
Thankyou so much, I will share it with my daughters for my grand kids❤❤❤❤❤. I will try it when they come over.❤❤❤😊
OMG....I always do this with my niece (2.5) when I'm teaching her; not realizing this was an actual technique. She loves to come to my house to learn things. This makes me feel good knowing I'm on the right track as I would love to do these things with my own children one day 🥰 I tell my sister all the time it's the energy
@SimplyNatoya
6 ай бұрын
I tell my sister that it’s about her and her husband’s energy all the time as well! Children are so smart and have so much potential even at the youngest of ages. 🩷
@JSapphire908
6 ай бұрын
@Scybertine I think the daycare I went to back then was like this and my Granny (rest her soul). She definitely had the patience of a Saint and was a 2nd grade teacher in her day💜
Calm and confident not only worked while I was raising my five children, but it also worked with my pets. Yes, my cat does sit nicely and waits for me to open the cat food. Lol.
I'm a new teacher and I have trouble with my classroom, after seeing this I have got the all the confidence I need!
My children are hurting from things myself and their dad has done, spankings and yelling. He has passed away but I'm trying to rebuild our home. I'm glad and grateful I came about onto your page
@gabriellecole3429
3 ай бұрын
I'm so sorry for your loss
@brianamariamcginley-downey5958
2 ай бұрын
❤❤
@joannaericksen7728
2 ай бұрын
Awesome video for sure. I will be using it. Try KYLO for healthy family relationships. It’s excellent also.
@Angelwing1963
2 ай бұрын
Bless you and your family ❤
@elisabethjones4917
2 ай бұрын
@@gabriellecole3429same. Bless you for helping them heal, and I hope you are able to grieve and heal in the process.
Thank you so much😢 I have 4 years old twin girls and a 2 yrs old son, and this is my first time trying to homeschool them. GOD knew I had needed to see this! This really encourages me❤
@suzybearheart530
6 ай бұрын
You're awesome for homeschooling! Best of luck!
@Be_Light_Be_Love_Be_Divine
6 ай бұрын
❤❤❤❤
@meed8738
6 ай бұрын
You got this! I went into it(meaning homeschool) very optimistic and unsure at the same time. We started homeschooling our oldest (5yo F) last August(2023) when she was 4yo. Spencer’s vids have definitely helped. You got this mama!
@lucindalandauer1691
6 ай бұрын
Take your time mom! Don’t rush the learning process. Kids don’t need much at those ages. You got this!
@RemeberME24
6 ай бұрын
Thank you all so much for your encouragement! This really helps me 💜🙏🏽🦋😊
Thank you. I really needed this. I used to be so much like this with my daughter, and i let it slip and noticed ive been bitter and less patient. And this is exactly what ineeded to make positive change in mine and my daughters lives. Thank you so much.
@kristinathomas5890
2 ай бұрын
Same!!! 😊
I am a 36 yr old, first time mom. You have taught me sooooo much, thank you. Im sending this to all my friends. Thaaaaank you. My daughter is 1 and im gonna use this method and watch this video as much as possible until we get it right.❤
This just unlocked something.. I have a faint memory of feeling very good whenever my mom put her hand on me while asking me to do something when I was in my early teen years. It felt very warm, « connected » and I really wanted to do whatever she asked of me. Thank you for this memory.
Wonderful advice! Honestly, this applies to adults as well. How many times have we gotten upset at a partner for us telling/asking them to do something and they don’t or they “forget” but in reality they never really heard us or weren’t paying attention in the first place. I tell my husband all the time, if something is important to you that you want me to do/hear/remember, bring me aside, look into my eyes, make sure I’m listening and then tell me. Don’t tell me in passing, don’t text me, don’t tell me while I’m busy doing something else; if it’s important, get my undivided attention and vice versa.
@melissagarcia4484
6 ай бұрын
Great advice thank you
@brendonqiu2648
6 ай бұрын
Hard to in the hustle and bustle of things but I think I really need this
@M_Jaggard
6 ай бұрын
Things with adults are a bit different especially if you're a manager. Adults need to solve problems themselves more - giving a statement of a problem is often better than instructions on how to solve it and you might be pleasantly surprised how it's resolved.
@suzannelesser5468
6 ай бұрын
Yes! I see it sometimes in a long text or email where the sender has a lot of detailed information. Much of which is a sort of thing people would skim. Then towards the end, The person makes a statement, when she should make a command. Usually people miss the command in this scenario.
@sherinebrown-fraser5141
6 ай бұрын
True
Your lesson helped greatly with my husband. But since he's an adult, I start with the illusion of choice sprinkled with questions that don't matter to make him feel in control then I "suggest" what to do and it ends with a congratulatory statement. It always works. Men are so simple.
Finally, quality content on KZread. Listen to the strategies, embrace the philosophy, believe in the process. Intentional and consistent are the keys. Great video.
@toddlerscanread
Жыл бұрын
Thanks so much- appreciate it!
I love this. I was a substitute teacher for years. I loved it because I felt gifted to do it. My children would request me and teachers wondered why because traditionally, children hate subs and give them a hard time. Watching you I realize that I engaged the children. My energy and expectations were as you stated. These same seemingly obnoxious kids would fall in line for me and not there teacher. Many of them I would see at the grocery store and they run to give me a hug. Best pay day in the world. No one cares what you know until they know that you care. Life changing.
@pamelamanning99
6 ай бұрын
"No one cares what you know until they know you care". Thank you for that statement, it's priceless.
@randc214
6 ай бұрын
I was a sub for many years and loved it! I had the exact same experiences as you such as being requested by children and teachers. I also didn’t know why until watching this video and realizing I had engaged the children into learning. Unfortunately covid ended that career for me and I went into being a nanny which I love doing but I miss my classrooms so much sometimes it hurts.
@quietwarrior4
6 ай бұрын
Thank you for being a teacher! Thank you! Thank you!
@heidibrown997
6 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing this. God bless you ❤
@katielove9932
6 ай бұрын
You as a teacher is great. But please know how to spell correctly. (their teacher). Not (there teacher) A teacher can spell.
I’m a father of an amazing son with autism. Semi-non verbal but he fully understands me when I speak. Eye contact is extremely hard for him on the spectrum and I know that how clear and concise I am… will make or break the entire possibility of his focus. All great tips, thank you. 🙏
@Rickettsia505
Ай бұрын
Especially important to keep instructions short and simple with both my autistic stepson and my husband!
@BusyBooksByAaron
Ай бұрын
Eye contact makes it harder to listen (a lot of the time) when you’re autistic. We either look at you or listen. Doing both is absolutely overwhelming. I stop listening as soon as someone stares directly into my eyes. I have to remind people that I listen with my ears and I am paying attention. Same happens with my son. Always assume competence and give the littles the tools needed for their individual needs.
@Rickettsia505
Ай бұрын
@@BusyBooksByAaron good to know, but it worked with mine. I guess everyone is different.
@BusyBooksByAaron
Ай бұрын
@@Rickettsia505 we’re all different. Glad you found what worked for yours!
This is a lifesaving game changer. Saves time and relationships with our children. Many blessings!
This guy has such a natural gift. Yes, he obviously has practice and great observation skills with his mentors and colleagues, but genuinely from his soul he's great at this
Effective communication + positive energy= happy successful people.
Not a teacher nor do I have any small children and I literally just watched this entire video
@lapis9749
Ай бұрын
Same! I am however a manager of 50ish employees ages between 15 and 75 and I can imagine ways this could be modified for them! 😊
@user-hd9ce6hu7h
23 күн бұрын
😂😂😂
@jesbury6597
21 күн бұрын
SAME! Though I was a teacher's aide YEARS ago. 😉 I am considering how to use this with a family member with dementia.
@ososupa8804
19 күн бұрын
Same. Just was curious because I see people with children all the time and they don't know how to be patient with them.
Fake it til you make it has always been my motto as a teacher! 😂 Never let them see you stressed or frazzled!
As a preschool teacher, I actually use these techniques without even noticing. I always loved working with behavioral children, because I love turning them around.
@cecbkk
6 ай бұрын
Thats good . Nowadays they put too many kids in classes and the teachers are pushed around ...
@farik-hr8th
6 ай бұрын
What do u say about a teacher who keeps sending a 2 nd grader home at least once a week because of behavioral problems .
@wesman6445
6 ай бұрын
@@farik-hr8th sometimes it's the teacher that's the problem. I personally feel like it's part of my job to fix that behavior. I think it's because my 1st teaching experience was when I was going for my black belt and we needed teaching hours as part of our training.
A VERY IMPORTANT VIDEO. I am a pediatrician and will recommend this to parents.
One time I use a question is: “would you like your vegetable while I’m making supper or wait and have it all together” (that’s how I get my kids to eat their veggies, give them to them when they’re hungry for supper but it’s not ready yet!). Love that you pointed out the difference between questions, statements, and directions, and when to use ! Thanks! Great video checking out more now!!
I finally understand what it was I was doing when I had to redirect the teens that I sub for. If they were distracted, I walked up to them, and said "hey, you need to be doing this right now." And I almost NEVER get the sass back that everyone told me I would get. After an entire year of subbing I only had to write up ONE student. And it still didn't even escalate, the other students didn't even realize when it happened. Thanks for being so clear so I can focus on the part I'm doing right but also more ways to follow through with giving directions.
This works with so much of parenting , not just teaching , my children are so well behvaed when i keep on top of myself with this kind of behavior myself . It makes the family work well together
@Nigerianbestie
7 ай бұрын
Have seen them when you are not there?.. Kids are mafias
@theresagomez2605
6 ай бұрын
Pretty much all of parenting is teaching. Children are learning by watching everything you do.
@theresagomez2605
6 ай бұрын
@@Nigerianbestiehypocritical parents give mixed messages, which results in this duplicitous behavior.
I’m raising a 6 year old girl and I grew up in a hostile environment and I don’t want to be them😅 it gets incredibly frustrating when I have been so well with other kids now that I have my own I lose my sauce or something when she tests me. I’m unlearning my childhood and remothering myself to make sure my years w my child are MUCH SOFTER. This is my favorite thing to run into again bc I have been subbed for a while and the 1st year of homeschooling is kickin my behind. 😂😂😂 I’m going to be 6x better by the end of the year😊🎉
@davidmarquez1267
6 ай бұрын
i’m going through the same with my two boys, I grew up where you were screamed at and hit and when I get tested my reaction is to yell .. this helps so much . I try so hard to fight my instincts
@maincharactermisty
6 ай бұрын
@@davidmarquez1267 facts but stay strong😓😅😭 lol It’s like when a woman told me in the store I was handling it well when my daughter was flipping out on me before the age of one🥴, “ in 100 years it’s not gonna matter what she was doing” and I’d like to add to that, and say not only will it not matter what they were doing, but what will matter is, how you reacted to it.
@davidmarquez1267
6 ай бұрын
@@maincharactermisty I try to take two deep breaths first 😂
@twitterblackdove
6 ай бұрын
@@maincharactermisty what kind of advice? That was so shady because in 100 years we'll all be dead. Anyway, at age 6 they're really already made into the adult they're going to be emotionally. The formative years start in the womb, but I'm sure you already knew that before you got pregnant. Be well, take care.
@WorkerBeesUnite
6 ай бұрын
@@twitterblackdovetrue just don’t be one of those parents who treats their kids like the grown up they want them to be and doesn’t allow them to be a kid and have an adult protect and enjoy presence with them
The physical touch part is so interesting, especially in the world that we live in. It's refreshing to see that a man can do so without being demonized for it.
This makes so much sense and explains why I have so much "luck" with my 2yo niece. I don't tell what is going on until we're looking at each other (i hold her hand and request her attention gently, or move in front of her), i tell her what is non-negotiable and why ("i have to hold onto when we walk through the gym, because someone could run into you or fall on you"), and then i offer an option ("do you want to hold my hand or do you want me to carry you?") i cringe every time someone asks her if she wants to do something, she says no, and then they make her. Thank you so much for this EXTREMELY eloquent and kind video, and thank you for saying "i have to respect Bear's choice, because I'm the one who gave them the option." I don't think that's how a lot of adults see it.
It works every time because you’re giving each child the time of day and the respect as a human being. You’re still giving them choices, which helps them feel empowered, and you’re showing them that you care and they matter.
@keyo888
6 ай бұрын
Yes for the things that "don't matter." The things that really matter he says there are no options. You have to be direct and confident and still at the same time treat them with respect....Now, if you were only talking about the things that don't matter, then my apologies
As an autistic person, I appreciate a video rooted in regulating children's nervous systems while learning. For me, as not every autistic person feels the same, I don't want any eye contact, I want side-by-side physical contact to feel regulated, and I do NOT want to be touched by someone besides the side-by-side. Instead of eyes, I would focus on hands and an object of learning (and sounds) and seeing the adult move the object around would help me. I agree that energy matters, and calm/confident energy when it's faked feels even more like a demand, which triggers the PDA profile of autism. Options (like this or that) helps increase autonomy without feeling lost in the sauce from an open-ended question. For me, I respected people most who were calmly saying categorically a time was happening and allowing options for autonomy after that time has been accepted. Usually I wanted to do an activity but struggled with the transition into it, which was interpreted as not wanting to do the activity, eventually seen as defiance. You mentioned a dance party as a reward, but if I danced before to feel regulated, I would be ready to learn and the learning was rewarding for me. I appreciate the assertion this video's strategies work, but one strategy will never work for every child, and this mindset can harm autistic children who end up failing to appropriately respond to a "tried and true" approach. It's great to have disclaimers that certain disabilities might need a modified approach. It doesn't make what you're sharing less impactful to be honest. Thank you for your video.
@colorfulcrochet371
6 ай бұрын
What is “the PDA profile of autism”?
@adelais
6 ай бұрын
I feel this way too, thanks for putting it into words.
@adelais
6 ай бұрын
@@colorfulcrochet371and pda profile is “pathological demand avoidance” it’s like …I might have a plan for my day like I’m going to do thing a and b then empty the dishwasher. If someone were to say, “empty the dishwasher “ while I’m doing task a or b, suddenly my brain does not want to. I’ll refuse, even though I did want to. And it’s hard to push through that (for me)
@VermisTerrae
6 ай бұрын
Yes, absolutely! Thankfully I didn't have teachers demand eye contact of me, but physical contact did happen from time to time, which always made me uncomfortable, even if it was meant to comfort me when I was upset. I was afraid of getting in trouble if I spoke up because my needs were frequently ignored, so I just sat in discomfort :( What I needed more than anything else was a smaller class size, a quiet environment, brief 1 on 1 check-ins, something for me to fidget with, and patience if I didn't understand something the first couple times it was explained to me. I remember one year a teacher I had gave us all lemon drops or peppermint candies when we had a test to take. It helped me focus on the assignment so much better!
@CeliacExtreme
6 ай бұрын
My autistic child is the same. Eye contact and physical contact are extremely unpleasant for my kid. Even being physically close has actually become threatening because so many adults insisted on eye contact and ignored my kid’s request to not touch them. So while maybe gender, race, etc… doesn’t alter whether all the above suggestions work, other factors like autism, mental health, and such DO make some of the suggestion unworkable.
As a mother of 7 this method was how I dealt with my son’s autism instead of medication. I’m NOT saying medicine is bad, just what happened with my son’s individual experience. Thankyou for this😊.
I teared up with this just as a parent because this is going to be transformative and I realized I forget to take these actions way too often when in reality it can fix all the things. Thank you 🙏🏻
As a former educator and now a “stay at home mom” I can tell you that he is a 100% CORRECT! This methods works and my class would run smoothly because of it! 😊 Great information sir!
i'm not a toddler but i listened to this video like few others. what a presence. humans work the same no matter the age, they just have different levels of understanding and self control. he sure is doing something very right.
This is great instruction. I did this raising my son and it was such a wonderful experience. I invested in my child, I wanted him to feel good about his abilities so he could succeed. Turned out to be a great man & great dad. Thank you
Can’t wait to try this! I’ve struggled for MANY YEARS with my child’s behavioral issues. I’ll be back to update 😀😀
@LeeLee-tw2wo
13 күн бұрын
Update
The way you took ownership and responsibility.. is so inspiring to me as a father! This is a real man!
My dad did this with us as children over 60 years ago! I miss my dad and I’ve been using this with my 4 grand nieces. No screaming, slapping or hollaring. But simple face 2face conversation., yesss all these my dad was such a wonderful dad❤️
@angelinasanchez3649
6 ай бұрын
It’s weird to me that this needs to be taught😅 somewhere along the time line things got so lost
@tomraineofmagigor3499
6 ай бұрын
@@angelinasanchez3649broken homes and neglect
@hanonmera8092
6 ай бұрын
May he rest in peace 🙏
Beautiful. I am a Waldorf-Steiner trained educator, but I am feeling the fun to try this with adolescents and see how they receive it. Thank you for caring enough to do this .. and caring beyond the personal to shoot the video, edit, and upload it.
Thank you for this video. My wife and I are working with our 5 year old and this helps. My wife's upbringing involved an extremely violent father and non confrontational mother and my upbringing involved my "using the belt all the time" mother. I have never had anyone teach me so I can teach my son, so I really appreciate this
This information should be mandatory during training! Sir, you can make the difference for millions and also in your community ❤ Thankyou for taking the time to film, God bless you 🙏🏼
I don’t know how this exactly popped up in my feed, but I have immense gratitude for watching this. I’m a father of three, eldest is six and youngest is three, and I have been struggling with defiance, reluctance, spouts of angry backlash when it’s difficult for them to understand… and through everything I’ve tried and heard, nothing quite helps the way this does. You explained this better than anyone has in the past and I think it’s going to really help. Thankyou
LOVE IT! I'm now a grandma to a high schooler. So I'm going to share this far and wide to everyone I know.
Mom of 3 here. Thank you for this. I love how your advice was practical and clear!
This was clear, well spoken, and straight forward. Noted for my future babies ☺️
@LeeannSmith-wz4lp
7 ай бұрын
As a parent I love to see "for my future babies"
You sir, are a child whisperer. Thanks for sharing this gem of information!
@elizabethpeterson56
6 ай бұрын
one time i saw my son calm his 2 yr old daughter so easily and even quickly i called him the 2 yr old whisperer. i think he had this knowlege and ability ar birth. he grew me up.
I had the grand opportunity to have training for a "Registerd Behavior Therapist". An RBT work primarily with children on the spectrum of Autism. Your method in this video is exactly the method used with our Autistic/Spectrum clients; the eye contact, the questions/choices and 'celebration' breaks are on point! Love it! Thank you for showing that it works for ALL!
Show them respect, be attentive, and direct. Love this.
The statement vs directive bit is gold. I was watching my grands and I was telling them it's time to go and no one was moving. After a few attempts I recognized what my miss was and started telling each one, walk out to the car. And there they went. When they're excited or distracted it's more difficult for them to understand/extract the action that's being asked for in a statement.
@katielove9932
6 ай бұрын
Children need guidance.
@BlessedBeyondCompare
6 ай бұрын
I’m a grown woman and I sometimes struggle with this! This is a great reminder to me - I’m going to find out what difference it makes for my son. ❤
I teach two kids German in a private home. They are under age 12. I didn't realize how much I needed this. Thank you for being so to-the-point!
@G0bus
6 ай бұрын
Maybe they don’t want to learn it because they don’t need it anywhere else. If they would go to a school in Germany, doing sports in a german team or have german friends they might have an intrinsic motivation to learn german in no time I would guess.
Thank you so much! 2:30 *Teach face to face* 3:04 There's no such a thing as being too close. 3:20 Establish eye contact 3:40 Establish physical contact 4:26 *Engage in a calm and confident manner* 5:14 confident energy rather than nervous energy 5:42 🌸 *Clearly explain the learning time* 6:13 Give something to look forward to 6:28 🌸 *Use questions, statements and directions properly* 6:54 Do you want to do the learning time? (Statement) It is learning time (Direction) Tell me the first sound 7:10 *Questions:* Leave it open, the answer is not important, they get to choose. Respect the answer (even if it's no) because you gave them the choice. 7:40 We don't ask questions about things that matter, we give directions. 8:00 Questions vs statements 8:34 Direction example 9:24 🌿 *Questions examples* I don't care what they choose. The child does. The child is in control, the child is having fun. 10:25 🌸 *Our energy, beliefs and expectations* 10:44 Don't think the kids cannot do it or you'll get frustrated 11:47 Put everything in control. 12:03 🌸 *Recap* 🌸
I worked with special needs children and this was absolutely essential to my success with my kids. I didn't realize that is what I was doing and probably why I was successful until I watched your video😊.
This is excellent. Admittedly I purchased the entire program thinking that YOU were teaching (via video) and felt a bit overwhelmed when I realized you were teaching US PARENTS how to teach our kids! Whew 😅😅😅. This is just what I needed! My 4 yr old is ready but I haven’t given her the attention to really so this! I have a 13 month old as well. I must say these videos are giving me the confidence to start again! Thank you so much for this!!! Can’t wait to share my success!!
@toddlerscanread
7 ай бұрын
Glad it was helpful! You’ve got this! 💪🏽
@zuzana1717
6 ай бұрын
I am so happy I found your channel today ! You got yourself a new subscriber. Great job! Thank you so much ! 🙏🏼💛
My son is 3 and he can read very well for his age. He recognizes and remembers most kindergarten sight words already as well.❤
@queendeche4555
7 ай бұрын
Hi, what kind of strategies are you using with him? My son is 19 months and recognizes certain letters and makes the phonetic sounds (sounds them out!) when he sees them. He’s not talking as much as I’d like though. I would love to hear what’s worked for you even though we’re obviously a bit younger than your little one. And great job mom! ❤
@kellydtherealtor
7 ай бұрын
@@queendeche4555I ask my child tons of questions to keep his mind stimulated. Things that he really has to think about or jog his memory for. Now that hes almost 4, he takes initiative by asking lots of questions as well. Repetition and routine play a big part in our lives which I think is helpful. The biggest factor is my son's eagerness to learn new things everyday. He also has a great memory to the point where I'm pretty much amazed myself. He's literally a sponge that once he hears or sees something once he remembers it forever lol. He can tell you about things that happened when he was 1 and 2 years old.
@yflores90
6 ай бұрын
Yay 🎉
@priskruger314
6 ай бұрын
Also toss in numberblocks they helped our son count and do math at second grade level while in kindergarten.
@Natty88580
6 ай бұрын
Wow mine too, which is so remarkable
I’ve been “failing” at homeschooling my sons for over a year now, I’m dyslexic and everyone is telling me to give up but I’m trying to find ways to make it work. These videos really help. What makes it the most difficult is I have 3 sons, ages 7,6, and 1 year. And I myself am doing school and it’s so hard to find balance.
@user-hi7hy9ry3c
3 ай бұрын
Send them to school. Give yourself a break and give the kids a chance to learn in a professional environment
Absolutely true that whatever you believe about how children respond to you is the experience you will have. Thank you for the tips!
Tomorrow is my first day at school as a kindergarten teacher... Listening and learning to these points have made me more confident and you have literally explained to me how should i perform at school... Thanks alot
@queendeche4555
7 ай бұрын
I hope the school year went well for you! ❤
@meerubfatima7498
6 ай бұрын
@@queendeche4555 yeah it went very well thanks ❣️
@ustaadaadam
6 ай бұрын
How was the the year
@meerubfatima7498
6 ай бұрын
@@ustaadaadam it was very tough at first as I was new ... Every senior tried to bully me ... But now alot of time has passed actually... I'm trained .. The things which used to take a lot of time ... Now I just do them within seconds... It just makes me feel so glad that I've came across a long path ... Well but after it's been a year since I'm teaching ...now I'm looking for a bigger school a better opportunity... Hopes to get one
Hey! I’m not a parent, but an auntie and photographer who directs a lot of kids on set. This is so absolutely true and such a helpful refresher!! Kids are so smart and see right through us.
I just love how you say “my kids”. It shows genuine love for what you do. I admire your dedications.
I care for the intellectual persons with disabilities for years and this is so true. I definitely make it a point to use touch in some way and never limit their understanding or abilities. I won awards as a CNA caregiver, was highly requested, paid time and half at another facility through an agency but discovered they was robbing me and years later when I had my own agency we won awards too. 🎉Thanks for sharing such Valuable information. 🎉
This is perfectly explained. I was a Child Development Specialist at a local hospital and this is exactly what i did but I couldn’t have explained it better. I worked with children with all types of developmental delays and it works. Even kids who have experienced trauma and are labeled “bad” kids respond to it. That confident, calm energy is everything. It makes them feel safe and secure. Even now I use this with my kids at home. 👏🏽👏🏽
Every child is born with a yearning to learn. They push themselves to roll over, sit, crawl, walk, talk, and it doesn’t end there. Education is just another milestone they need adults’ help with. It’s so beautiful to watch a child blossom that was once labeled lazy/unmotivated/hating to learn. This was a great video!
@Nworthholf
6 ай бұрын
Unfortunately, our education system is designed to kill that learning desire in kids in every possible way :c
I LOVE YOU!!! I am so happy that some people in this world get to have a teacher like that! THANK YOU! I just feel so grateful, I don't even know why. I am not working in education, nor do I have any kids, but listening to this man feels... soothing, warm, caring.
I loved the little wrinkle you added at the end about the importance of the parents optimistic attitude
I taught for 17 years in secondary, and while some of these elements are not as doable with older kids (like physical touch), whenever I’ve applied these things- BAM, the kids focus more, we get things done, good vibes in the classroom, less behavior issues. It’s an awesome learning experience. Thanks for posting!
Dad of 2 boys, 8&6. Don’t know why YT brought me here, but so glad. This is going to be great to use for teaching how to tie their shoes, following the directions in homework and even in coaching. So excited to try this out.
@ljackson24
5 ай бұрын
Shout out to you & the boys. They can do it. My son taught himself at 4. Kinda freaked me and his teachers out but it’s cool. lol We’re working on getting better at following directions. He’s struggling with that right now. Some days are really good and some are, not so good.
This is exactly what I needed to work with my 4yo grandson who is on the spectrum. I know he's in there and can learn. Thank you so much for sharing!!
I'm a new homeschool mom of a 5 and 4 yo with a 2.5 and 7mo.. I'm so grateful for the tips! You are confirming a lot of things my mom told me and you are giving me new insight on how to engage with my kids as we learn together ❤️
@toddlerscanread
11 ай бұрын
I'm glad!