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Wow, this so reminds me of a woman who was my boss in state government. "Bully" doesn't even begin to describe her. She was also a saboteur. Thank God I only worked for her for about nine months and finally escaped to a different agency. Worst nine months of any job I had ever had - and, because she was management supported by equally bad management, there really weren't any options other than to leave. Psychopath, sociopaths, and other narcissists seem to prosper in management.

@coppermoon4747

9 ай бұрын

I had a similar experience in retail with a female GM and ended up quitting after a few months of her targeting me. It wasn't worth staying.

@timward3116

9 ай бұрын

@@coppermoon4747 Haha! Men aren't the only crazy, nasty managers! I think that leaving is all we can do, in such situations. Honesty and doing the right thing are not simply not part of the agenda of such people. Well, at least it paid the bills while we were there, right?

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

You'd better believe that men are not the only "crazy, nasty managers" and often the victims of these female bullies are--wait for it . . . women.

@jessitabonita

9 ай бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWordsYES! Even worse are the cluster-b personality-disordered coworkers who are given a crumb of supervisory responsibility who in turn abuse the little power given to them and target other coworkers who are just trying to do a good job and get through the day. When the lies, gaslighting and bullying starts happening out of nowhere: the best thing is to start finding a new job if grey-rocking isn't working. 🤷🏻‍♀️✌️✨

@mztokyo7630

9 ай бұрын

Women hate working for a woman.

And then there's the "passive" bullies; the covertly malicious types, that act so demure. Know how to butter people up... they provoke their target, overstep boundaries, undermine, sabotage, insult, etc. When the target stands up appropriately, the bully shrinks into their quiet shell, target's strength is seen as a problem.. towards the malicious victim, who claim target ,"makes them uncomfortable"... Masterful manipulators

@realitywinner7582

9 ай бұрын

spot on !

@Tempted_Lotus

9 ай бұрын

That's a covert narcissist. Also a bully, but what you're describing here is a vulnerable/covert narcissist.

@keylanoslokj1806

9 ай бұрын

Yeah an even more cunning and dangerous group

@djomegaminus

9 ай бұрын

I find this in every job and I seem to always become the lightening rod for their negative energy and attention.

@donnafreeman5435

9 ай бұрын

I know someone like that. Sick lady.

Solid advice...unfortunately, when you work in a toxic work environment, the bully usually has backers in management. I once had a supervisor who said 'managers pick people like themselves'. If you have toxic bullies in the workplace, 90% of the time, they've got managers who are equally bullies. Those managers know and silently applaud the behavior.

@smoothiecutie2277

Ай бұрын

This is accurate. One of the VP’s at my former employer (I resigned earlier this year 2024) picked a Director who has the same narc traits as him to oversee our office. They are empty shells. No empathy no compassion and NO remorse.

@rainestorm762

18 күн бұрын

I am currently living this. But I have a notebook that I have been using to keep notes on them since I started the job in January

This is why social media is a huge tool for wicked bullies

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

There is no accountability for them, they can gang up on people easily, and it requires little thought or effort to type one destructive line.

This is good advice for someone that isn’t a full blown narcissist or sociopath but for someone that just operates at a more primitive level. If it’s a narcissist they’re going to find a way to get you back no matter what and it will turn into a never ending battle.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

Nick, if you're dealing with a true narcissist (as opposed to what most of us are dealing with, namely a difficult person) or a sociopath, stand up to them with your body language, then smile and walk away. That is what I would do.

@djomegaminus

9 ай бұрын

SPOT ON!!! When you wrestle with a pig you both and up dirty but the pig loves it. I feel like I have evolved past the whole "pee on the fire hydrant after another dog" for dominance thing.

@l.5832

9 ай бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords I've never met a narcissist that doesn't eventually falsely accuse you at work in an attempt to get you fired. Often times the false accusations comes from the narc boss himself. So, smile, and walk away to the unemployment office? Or lawyer?

@existentialhangover1124

9 ай бұрын

Dealing with real narcissists is a totally different situation. If they've targeted you, and you don't think it's possible to get everyone to see their narcissistic behavior because they're blinded by their fake persona, the only thing you can do is find another job. Narcissists never stop, never see the errors of their ways, and never EVER change. They're not normal people. In fact, most people think they're evil. After what I've witnessed I tend to agree.

@l.5832

9 ай бұрын

@@existentialhangover1124 BANG ON!

High functioning, low needs neurodivergent here. Speaking from personal experience of being bullied in most social settings. Most people are still too close to their primal behaviors. I’ve learned that matching energy works but then they just turn to the snakey behavior and will turn to other means of diminishing others. Including but not limited to turning the team against you or making false accusations to managers. I’ve fought my situation with HR departments several times. No attorneys, no court. I keep my job and people stay way the hell out of my way. Catch 22 because no man is an island

@keylanoslokj1806

9 ай бұрын

How did you manage to keep your position

@MRi2thesky

9 ай бұрын

@@keylanoslokj1806 glad you asked. Documented all actions involving myself and others. Our director of operations even stated I have a high level of awareness. Unfortunately it feels like you have to be as a neurodivergent and we are but at that level it’s exhausting. I made impressions and allies with people far higher than myself early on. Unfortunately I moved from my home of 40 years and it’s proving to be a challenge. Documentation has still saved my butt without having a network

@catherinebullock9748

9 ай бұрын

You are correct regarding being close to our primal behaviors. The science proves we are big brained chimpanzees. Expecting different behavior is to expect something out of the natural order.

@keylanoslokj1806

9 ай бұрын

@@catherinebullock9748 yet through divine repentance and grace we can change this primal nature. We cannot rationalise our weaknesses and take them for granted

@betsywoolbright8059

9 ай бұрын

37f undiagnosed Autistic here. You're so right. I think we elicit the Uncanny Valley reaction in people. Luckily I'm pretty good at masking, and above average attractiveness, which honestly, I believe helps a lot when my mask does fail. I'm also very vocal about my diagnosed ADHD, and judicious but open about my undiagnosed autism, and I believe that helps, too.

I was the team lead in my department and was acting a little too bossy. My co-worker said, “who are you taking to?” And, I reconsidered. I was acting in a way I also didn’t agree with so I stopped being so bossy and started asking to assign tasks rather than commanding them.

@tdbarton7712

9 ай бұрын

Good on you for being honest with yourself. I hope things in your workplace and your heart place are improved.

@metsrus

9 ай бұрын

absolute power corrupts absolutely.😁 good thing you didn't fall for the temptations and go into a power trip like many would do.

@wandah9468

9 ай бұрын

Good for you for catching it. When your staff feels a sense of ownership of the job and the project in question, the initiative, dedication, and the quality of the work skyrockets. Management is about empowering the staff by supplying the materials they need, and most important: GET OUT OF THEIR WAY! They will come to you if they need help, but their pride will push them to do as much of it on their own as possible. When your staff knows you've got their backs they will work very hard for you indeed. When they've done a great job, sure doesn't hurt to let them know what their good work means to the department. It's the gracious thing to do, and in no way compromises your authority. Good luck.

@wandah9468

9 ай бұрын

@brendamyc3173 you know you got a problem when theres high turnover. A good outfit is very hard to get into.

@williamlevy6964

4 ай бұрын

That's not a bully. You felt guilt for doing it. A true bully does it from a place of targeted envy and possessive jealousy. The child brain that was not taught boundaries or social respect.

I can't wait to use this on my brother at Christmas when I see him next. He is a huge bully but the entire family let him get away with it because he is very successful. He seems to think treating his family like rubbish is ok because he is 'better' than us. Yet everyone bends over backwards for him. I'm sick of tiptoeing around him and bowing down to his needs.

@itzelmayoral729

2 ай бұрын

He sounds like a toddler

@theninjacat7200

2 ай бұрын

Stand up for yourself. Do not take it one second!

The step towards them is ALWAYS the key. I did that to a nasty coworker who is 30 years my senior. The shock was papablable. Luckily is backed off so I didn't need to pay a homeless man to cut his brakes

@FamiliesOfWolves

9 ай бұрын

Lmao

@tiaslays255

4 ай бұрын

Didn’t you comment that on another video??😂😂 this is so funny

@margaretdoliet1630

3 ай бұрын

😂😂

Why are people so mean? Your humor and strategies are so helpful. Thank you!

@jjf609

9 ай бұрын

Good question. In my opinion, their behavior is a power trip going to a primal level & their upbringing can affect their personality. I read an article about how sociopath on a minor level exist such as the coworker that may lie, take credit for your idea, sabotage you with no remorse to get ahead at work, within a family or circle of friends.

@GenerationX1984

9 ай бұрын

People who are mean have insecurities they like to project onto others most of the time. I was a psychology student in college.

@FortBaker2011

9 ай бұрын

Some of them have narcissistic personality disorder.

@sharonodonnell2147

9 ай бұрын

Did you hear shiela Jackson Lee CA berating her staff .with cursing and insults ..? PoS Google it

@owllady88x8

9 ай бұрын

Personality disordered individuals.

The worst is when they dont train you then blame you for NOT knowing how to do something. This was Walmart in a nutshell 🙄 also two people not speaking or acknowledging my existence but giggling inside jokes in front of the "new girl" it makes life a living hell

@Nimesay1

3 ай бұрын

My God. This is my current workplace. Badly do onboarding then ve suprised I make mistakes.

@smoothiecutie2277

Ай бұрын

Yes and want to call you “slow”.

I once had a workplace bully corner me in the office carpark, telling me I needed to cancel my day off because she wanted that day off. Another time she screamed at me for losing something that I'd never even seen (it turned out she'd misplaced it). She was obviously trying to create a bullying dynamic with me. I refused to change my day off but I did leave that workplace soon after as I couldn't be bothered with months of trying to stand up to such nasty, aggressive behaviour that I could see the management turning a blind eye to. Workplace bullying is so common and such a big problem. It doesn't tend to happen if management don't allow it, but if they're weak, bullies themselves or just can't see it it can really escalate. It's why self employment is always my preferred state. The advice about not showing submission is good, bullies are cowards and its important to stand up to them.

@Karina_Engr

9 ай бұрын

Self-employment FTW! Also, so scary to be cornered, and in the parking lot of all places. 😮

After a really fun day out with my sister, I told her how much fun she is and how glad I that we hang out. I told her that my favorite days are when we hang out for a day together. Several months later, she died unexpectedly. So many years later, every time I think about her I’m grateful I was able to say those words to her.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

Angela, thank you for sharing that story. So many people fail to say such things, and then live with regret. Happily, you're not one of them!

I was raised by a severe personality disordered mother. I can't diagnose other people, but I have stated that behavior sure is familiar. It took me too many years, but I'm getting much better at dealing with them.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

It's tough when it's your mother who has a personality disorder. However, like many others before you, you'll be OK because you recognize the situation and are dealing with it--hopefully mindfully :)

@CaptApril123

9 ай бұрын

Same here, made my childhood and younger years a nightmare. Finally a friend who's a GP told me what was wrong with her. A huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I didn't realize how much it had affected me until I finally had a reason for why she was the way she was.

@br4588

9 ай бұрын

​@@CaptApril123YES, once you figure it out, it is a relief.

@LonesomeGremlin

8 ай бұрын

Same here and I struggle to read people and learn how to react to other behaviour

As a woman, I can say that some women have a thing about establishing dominance over other women - maybe it's a competition thing. Over the course of my life, I've crossed paths with many females like this including my older sister. I think my relationship with her set the stage for how I let other women treat me. Because I've never liked confrontation, I've played the passive role often when I should have done the things described in this video. I learned to protect myself by avoiding people who I could see were this way, but I'm getting better at using the kinds of techniques described in this video.

@bronzegoddess8709

9 ай бұрын

Agreed. I have the same problem because my mother was like that ❤. I'm still working on being more assertive.

@cualter

9 ай бұрын

This really resonates with me. I can always predict with certainty that I will encounter a woman at my new workplace who'll make comments about my appearance. They're usually seemingly complimentary but they belie some envy. I'm tall, slender and quiet and have always been targetted by a female bully, usually older and heavier, at every workplace I've ever had. I could be quietly warming my packed lunch in the kitchen and like clockwork, they'll make a snide comment about my food. The last one said that it was unfair that I didn't put on weight during COVID, whereas she did. I just told her that we all have a gym membership benefit that she can use, just like I use mine. These types are insufferable.

@bronzegoddess8709

9 ай бұрын

@cualter I've had that happen to me, too. I'm hoping I can work from home as much as possible so those interactions are kept at a minimum. I had to leave a job once because the bullying got so bad.

@mkravec7943

8 ай бұрын

I

@katydid6920

7 ай бұрын

@cualter Jealousy is a form of hatred, don't you think? You can't be friends with someone you're jealous of. So I've wanted to be friends with people but they find me threatening. I gave up competiveness a long time ago. So jealousy, sabotage, fierce unnecessary competition has kept me isolated. I guess I don't need those kinds of friends. I however haven't met too many women who are comfortable with themselves( at any size and age), we are generally mean and I think it's a shame. Grudge holding, bringing in flying monkeys, I'm so exhausted!

In my opinion, you should never question a bully...that could elicit unnecessary conversation, and veer off to irrelevant issues. Bullies must be confronted with statements that are brief & to the point. A person at work once condescendingly said to me, "you're not listening". I told her (firmly) that I was looking in her direction and not interrupting, and could repeat what she said, so I was clearly listening... then I told her to never say that to me again (there were others around so I know she did it on purpose). She got embarrassed, nervously giggled and tried to explain it away...I said, "this isn't open to discussion. Just don't do it again". Problem solved... At a company (whose atmosphere was "off") I recently resigned from (2023), an employee (who everyone disliked) said something to try to insult me... I responded w/something equally insulting. I was standing & she, sitting...after my response, she dramatically & noisily got up from her chair and right in my face. I guess I was suppose to jump, run or back away but I didn't flinch...even a bit. Since she dramatically confronted me, I stood there awaiting her next move ...she was obviously surprised that I didn't back away...she (taller than me) touched me with her shoulder, then I shoved her shoulder hard enough that she stumbled back. I had no intention of having a "melee" AT WORK however she started it & I had no intention of backing down...even if I ended up getting hurt. There was no fight as others prevented it. Suffice to say, once things settled down, she was "measured" and respectful when she had to deal with me. I was bullied for some time in my life, and arrived at a point where I decided that I would put up w/it no longer. Now, when I recognize someone is trying to intimidate me, I never ask them why they are doing/saying that... I already know why...it's because they're an asshole. So no questions need be asked. I confidently tell them (without raising my voice... or I'll stop them mid-sentence), not to speak to me like that; "lower your voice" (if they're yelling), words to that effect. I'll be as brief as possible & will not interject any questions... I won't even ask if they "understand?" I could care less...once I've said my piece, I'm done and it's all over as far as I'm concerned. In any (or just about every) case, it works everytime. Bullies never expect to be confronted, esp. in front of others...and it's a reminder to bullies that not everyone will take their crap...no matter what.

@wintermatherne2524

9 ай бұрын

Yep, and that is the ONLY way to handle a bully.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

Yes, as I said to Aaren--if you want a fight--this is the way to go. Give as good as you get. Now you have two bullies instead of one. If that's your goal, go for it.

@TASconfidential

9 ай бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWordsI love your content, but respectfully disagree with your comment. Defending one’s self, by matching the bully’s energy doesn’t make him a bully too. And although your advice does work, you must understand that bullies aren’t always rational, intelligent or have the EQ, to “catch on” To context clues. Sometimes you just have to go “toe to toe”, and shut the bully down.

@l.5832

9 ай бұрын

@@TASconfidential This is how toxic workplaces start. The only communication method is bullying. The only way of settling things is who is the biggest bully. If they push you and you push back you are no better than them (this was clearly not self defense as they barely brushed them). All you are trying to do is de-throne them. Like a bunch of ill behaved kids or a pack of wild dogs.

@rainorshine7816

9 ай бұрын

Way to go ❤

I was once the most junior person in a meeting with some managers. The most senior manager spat the dummy yelling how he hated work that we had done. Every other manager sat there with heads down copping his abuse. After a pause - I was waiting for one of them to say something - I confidently and calmly said to the senior manager “well if you can be specific about what you have an issue with then we can address it”. Not sure why but that seemed to put him in his place because he suddenly became calm and cooperative. Maybe it was a polite way of saying hey act like a person and not an ape?? Someone later came to me and said how impressed they were with how I handled that manager.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

In my view, you handled him perfectly. You put the spotlight on him and asked him to clarify. You were not rude or threatening--just clear and concise. Kudos to you. I'm sure that took courage.

Dan is absolutely right. I’ve used this technique quite a few times- If I am out and about running errands by myself, and I would see and sense that someone is approaching me or exhibiting odd behavior (happens in parking lots a lot). What I’ll do is instead of showing that I am fearful, I will change my body language and pivot so that I’m walking toward the person like I am on mission. This sudden change in awareness and direction will work 9/10 to deter them from fucking with you. I’ve seen guys freeze mid walk, and even move away in their own sudden change of direction. Bullies or weirdos like to be the star of the show, but this….it takes seconds to reverse roles without allowing them any notice in the situation and creates a forceful prompt for hesitation which appears as weakness. Get the upper hand immediately and the outcome can change drastically in your favor.

I'm so passive, and I always just sulk and kind of internalize when people pick on me at work lol. Thank you SO MUCH for these easy tools I can remember for next time!

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

Is it okay just to stare at them for a few seconds - while saying nothing - and then just walk away? At this point in my life, I'm just tired of engaging (in any way) with people who want to disrespect or humiliate me.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

Absolutely that is OK.

@jod6cindy

9 ай бұрын

​@@TheWizardOfWordsThanks very much. You do excellent and important work.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

Thank you, Jod6cindy.

@ericabalko916

4 ай бұрын

That is a method I find useful when someone says something in appropriate to me. I don’t always walk away but I do stand there looking at them saying nothing. It gets real awkward and I let it. Sometimes rude ppl think you’ll say something to them in response maybe they think you have to. You don’t.

@thepragmatist

2 ай бұрын

I find this type of response is very effective.

I love the part about the emails with the closing response "I look forward to your help" because it suggests that the person is already a part of the team effort to accomplish what needs to be achieved in the bigger picture.

As a young, attractive, humble, hard working, master’s prepare female engineer whose sole goal was to help the clinicians and patients, … I was bullied by a middle aged woman in a group I had to work with a lot. Looking back I realize she was insecure, incompetent and scared of being found out. She was mean and only cared about playing politics … not helping our caregivers and patients.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

You usually find that bullies are "insecure, incompetent, and scared of being found out." Well, some are competent--but the other two apply almost universally to bullies.

@Chahlie

9 ай бұрын

I'm a middle aged woman myself and am so embarrassed by my fellow middle aged ladies who are so often the rudest bullies in a workplace. Often they are poorly educated and feel threatened by other women who are educated and competent. I've gotten to the point where I just have no tolerance for their nonsense, they are old enough to figure out their insecurities.

I worked in 2 toxic work environments. The first toxic work environment I was dealing with 2 office bullies. My Supervisor at the time was the 2 bullies friends. I left that job. The next job I had, low and behold.... another toxic work environment with a bully!! I couldn't believe my luck!! Two toxic work environments!! This bully insulated me in front of other coworkers. Again the Supervisor was the bully's friend. Thank you for these tips!! I'm going to use your tips at work to deal with the bully.

Thank you, Dan, for helping people recover from being doormats ❤ I love that for them😊

@studiosandi

9 ай бұрын

Really I should have said I love that for us❤ I'm less of a doormat than I used to be but your content helps me stay on track👍🏾

@sisis_eyes_wide_open

9 ай бұрын

Idk if people are truly doormats. As for me it can go both ways, either I go totally ballistic on someone or I completely ignore them. It all depends on my mood.

@studiosandi

9 ай бұрын

It is just a turn of phrase for people who are easily manipulated and taken advantage of.

@sisis_eyes_wide_open

9 ай бұрын

@@studiosandi ouch that’s kinda harsh. Truth is we all have a back story but that doesn’t mean we’re weak. It’s actually quite the opposite to remain silent and calm when you really want to tear someone’s head off their neck!! This requires a lot of inner strength to remain tempered and not react to ignorant fools. My experience in dealing with bullies is if you confront one they return with backup. Their fragile ego gets bruised so they go and gather all their minions and come attack one woman. Therefore I’ve learned to choose my battles carefully rather than take on an entire group of overgrown secret groupies!

Great advice, wish I’d known this years ago but at least I’m understanding their behaviour from this video. Bullied twice in the workplace, lost both jobs due to the workplace bullying. Nobody wanted to know, as long as they’re leaving me alone mentality. Made me really ill. Grateful for your advice because when you understand it you can heal from it.

The thing I love about getting older is you can suss out when someone’s just starting to see if they bully you. If you act assertively fast without causing a scene, it stops it from escalating any further.

@MsActor2009

9 ай бұрын

If they can bully you

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

Totally agree :)

@MsActor2009

7 ай бұрын

Amen 🙏

Are you kidding? If you ask those questions they will then say no they aren’t trying to and make you look like the one making the big deal. Trust me I’ve tried being direct like that and it backfires every time. They then increase their connection with everyone else 100 fold and no one catches on. Literally no one.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

You've tried these precise words?

I stood up to my older sister who's a vicious bully. She stopped attacking me to my face. Now, she engages in my character assassination. And shes chosen family members who dont me or who dont like me anyway. Shes even told family friends. Ive heard the rumors of what shes doing. If i even try to defend myself I'll look worse. So she and all those ppl are no longer in my life.

Sadly the workplace bullies I tend to run up against are the ones that appear so helpful or complimentary or cooperative to my face when others are near, but then do the heavy work of backstabbing when I'm gone and/or get abusive when it is only the 2 of us and there are no witnesses.

Relying on anyone else for financial security will always create victims and bullies. It's unfortunate that we haven't yet invented a system that gives everyone some sense of financial freedom.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

Totally agree, Crystal. Way too much distance between haves and have-nots and that distance is not good for either of them for thousands of reasons you and I could both give.

That body language tip is spot on! I had a long term bully, and I was in therapy and working on myself. The current challenge was standing up straight and looking everyone in the eyes. She reacted like I'd slapped her! She tried to escalate, which made her cross lines and other people noticed. They saw me standing straight, calm, and 3 second staring. They saw her upset and raising her voice. They started asking why she was out of her area and messing with me. She didn't stop and back off. It was more like in The Labyrinth. "You have no power over me!" There was no discipline against her, because the whole place was...just wrong, but I got all the inner peace possible until I could change jobs.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

Inner peace is the goal, and handling situations without benefit of HR is another goal. You achieved both and kudos to you hishealer.

Not everyone bullies that way. Women will do it in private or on the phone. One I knew would speak like I was a small person while she gaslit me. Also she ignored my attempts to resolve matters through emails. She said she would do something when I called her because of the unanswered email. Next I waited two weeks and did her job. Then I told her I did the work and she screams and says that I am not a professional. Then she says she did the work not me. This is the first time someone sees the bullying. Then she sends a huge bill. She was our accountant who acted like my company was going to be hers.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

You're correct, which is why I have about fifteen videos on this topic--all different, dealing with different issues, situations, and types of bullies.

Kate...is the gorilla at my office! Liar. Took me down. Had me demoted... I don't forget. My day is coming. Thank you. Love your message. Hugs to all who have been bullied. Be strong.

I had a bully at work who was caught raising her voice at me. Once reprimanded by Admin ( she’s twice my size) then bumped me into a doorway . Way tooo dangerous to move forward towards her. There were 2 of them , if had done what you said they are narcissistic and would have escalated rapidly. I finally stopped speaking to them and gave them their own space for my own safety.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

You are still working in this environment, where you have to literally worry about your physical safety?

Very helpful. I have a wounded inner child and my mother and her sisters and their daughters have an inner gorilla.

We really do have to see these as opportunities to grow, develop ourselves, make it a game

@andyng5321

17 күн бұрын

Uh no, bullying shouldn't be seen as a rite of passage

I watched a doctor take control of someone by saying "You follow me" and walking off in silence They had no choice but to follow. Using that to control a bully, you simply take them to any other place of your choosing. If they are aggressive make it a longer walk and greet other people cheerily on the way. The bully can't maintain their posturing.

Laugh in their faces, roll your eyes and turn your back and attention to another.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

Whatever works for you, Kb.

I did this once at work. I went over to someone at afternoon break time. And I told him I really admired him. He’d come to Canada and had really applied himself to his job as an engineer. He’d found love and become a father. A good father. In so many ways he was a success story. It turned to be a pivotal moment for him. A possible time assessment of the last 7 years of his life lead him to look for other opportunities. He left our company for 3x the money in another engineering firm. He needed to be told his value was observed. So. It can enormously empowering to hear positive feedback. If you can, deliver it.

I started a new job just over a week ago, and this was exactly what went on. Within a few days I'd had enough and fought back. End result the boss read them the riot act and the 'mean girls' had to be polite. I think they were shocked that such a 'nice' person wouldn't take their crap. Turns out that they have had huge staff turnover and the people who stayed got bullied for their first 2 weeks. They changed my shifts to avoid the worst of them. I've said my bit and filed the official complaint and they all know if it happens again I'm ready to leave, but I think they are still reeling from me speaking out :)

@l.5832

9 ай бұрын

Usually they want you to leave. If the bullies can keep the turnover high, then there is no one to challenge their seniority. Two years ago my workplace hired a bully. I witnessed her throw 2 other coworkers 'under the bus' and got them fired due to false accusations (I check the surveillance tapes) Then she tried it with me. I quit and got another job. Since then, the bully is still there and the company constantly has a Help Wanted posting. This has been non-stop for over two years. I have casually checked out the place and there are always new faces in there but they sure don't last. This bully thinks she is queen and that she runs the business. The clueless owner doesn't understand why she can't retain staff, which makes her think the bully is even MORE valuable for staying!! It's this weird symbiotic relationship.

@rainorshine7816

9 ай бұрын

@@l.5832you should of spoke up and told the truth

My bully is actually very subtle most of the times and pretending to be the sub and victim, making comments under the nose, spreading negativity and sighing all day that no one helps her. Sometimes goes into more agressive mode however when she gets angry and raises her voice, becomes very accusative. Very hard to navigate my position as a punchbag in both situations. I usually treat it with silence or ignorance but it come to a point where I feel I need to do more to protect myself as she just never stops doing this

...best is remain passive and ignore the bully so as he/she escalates attacks to level where it's violence with company ethics and gorila gets written notice from HR upon your official written complaint and ruins bully's reputation for being rude on in front of everybody as well....I already managed get 3 managers fired from companies destroing their carrer with this strategy returning their weapons back against them....

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

You've reported three managers to HR and they've all been fired? OK.

@wintermatherne2524

9 ай бұрын

It’s true if you lure the bully into thinking you are complacent, they will assume you are a safe target and escalate. If you document each incident, by the time this bully escalates to the point of violating policy, they can get in a lot of trouble. That’s how I like to play it.

@angelacarbon4010

9 ай бұрын

I tried this. My co-worker was above me, she was the bully. I told my manager. Manager sent us to HR. I never spelled out that she was a bully. I said she cursed me out in the office (for something that was not my fault), and she pointed her finger in my face. HR said we were both wrong and to stop 'causing trouble' or the next time we'd be written up. I was naive in thinking that HR was trying to help me. We did not have a company policy re: bullying.

That’s so sweet! I love that he’s reminding us to say supportive statements:)

It feels like I am just participating in the ignorance if I respond to them in any way. It's like lowering myself to their level. Supervisors don't know how to deal with them either. They are some wanna be supervisor and it's workplace harassment. They should get it on camera and discipline them. Anything that interferes with my work performance and is unwanted behaviour is not ok and shouldn't be allowed.

Even eleven year olds can be these wicked bullies

Thank you for sharing Dan

What I like about your content is you always go beyond step one. You coach on what to do next. Thank you!

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

I appreciate that!

I’m leaving a toxic workplace. The bullies were my admin. I went to HR to file a grievance. BIG MISTAKE. HR is never your friend. I was at this job for 17 years, but my newest supervisor gave me low scores- the lowest I’ve ever received. I was very loyal, worked hard, and always received high scores in my evaluations. The current admin, over the last 3 years, have inundated me with the work of 4 people- including responsibilities of the admin. It was subtle at first , but slowly increased. The new people coming in are rewarded for every little thing. I watched them do this with other workers who are older and have been in their positions awhile, but are experts in their field. I’m worried about my next paycheck, but I couldn’t take it anymore. Coworkers who bully are different than bosses who bully. I’m very depressed- I left a lot of unfinished work and projects. It was 17 years of never being thanked for anything.

@TheWizardOfWords

8 ай бұрын

Flying, you can take it to the bank that HR IS NEVER YOUR FRIEND. HR is paid by the company and HR people are loyal to the company, not the working individuals who actually make that company tick.

@daena9641

8 ай бұрын

I can relate to this comment. Similar experience. Both coworkers and management were “in on it”. Went to the union they DIDNOT help and told ME that I “dropped the ball”. Went to HR and then.Mobbing escalated. Bad bosses retaliate after you report their bad behavior. I wish you the best in finding a better job. These people don’t show any mercy. They are CRUEL and have a SEARED conscience.

The email points I will for sure implement. So grateful for your videos. You helped me so much in workplace situations. Thank YOU!

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

You are so welcome!

Dan, as always, I'm grateful for you and your phenomenal teaching skills. Thank you for bestowing such important and valuable lessons to myself and to your viewers. As someone who admittedly has never been good with words, you've shown me the keys to excellent communication and most of all freedom. This truly is life changing and I cannot thank you enough. I hope you're having a fantastic holiday surrounded by people you love and who love you.

I love your sense of humour! Solid advice!

Thank you Dan. I needed to hear your advice.

this is what i missed from school, you could just kick the shit out of them. I was always the smallest and youngest and always got picked on, specially being the new kid all the time with my house flipping parents. Never lost a fight, even totally demoralizing people twice my size. what they didn't know was i had 4 and a 1/2 years training.

@Tonyconstanza

7 ай бұрын

This is the answer, if they’re willing to be so bold to come at you crazy then they’re clearly open to a fight.

@jaymorgan.

2 ай бұрын

lol I was the biggest and small people used to try me in school and I’d drop them into next week. I miss those days. And in school suspension was the best. 😂

That's amazing! Thanks!

You are such an amazing teacher, healer source of encouragement and wisdom. They absolutely love you channel. I want to watch you everyday to start my day in a positive way

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

Thank you Maryann, and please consider pressing that "join" button.

In an ideal World, Psychiatric would be full of managers and Ceo's

Awesome advices!

You are helping me so much! I can't believe I just don't know how to handle myself. Thank you! 🙏

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

You're very welcome, heavenly and I hope you press that "join" button the next time you watch one of my videos 😊

Thank you for all the Pearls. I should have to listen to this video message every day until I have reprogrammed myself. I won't, but I should. I'll definitely listen to this again.

Love the danger and power phrases, good stuff Dan 🎉

Tangential, I know, but I'm always fascinated by how these cro-magnons make it up the career ladder at all. Blows my mind how organizations go anywhere with these clowns in management.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

Erin--tangential again, but are you familiar with the elected officials in U.S. government? Have you watched the fighting and name-calling for the last several years? Have you noticed the absence of civil discourse? Same question--"how can organizations go anywhere with these clowns in management," and yet they are actually voted into office. You have to wonder if we've all lost our minds.

@keylanoslokj1806

9 ай бұрын

Because neurotypicals are all about ass kissing and superficial charms

My husband is 80 and I am 78. We do campground hosting and love it. I gave some input on the things going wrong with the young new management. They weren't following the rules of wearing the uniforms and name tags. I thought corporate would want to know these things. However,, even with our good work and care of the campers corporate kicked us out. Unbelievable

@TheWizardOfWords

6 ай бұрын

Alright--your story is pretty typical for people who go to corporate or HR or anywhere over the heads of the people they see as causing a problem. It just never works because it is corporate who hired them in the first place--and then defend their decision. And as for HR--forget about it.

@Over-for-now

6 ай бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords You are correct. The thing is: they INVITE our input in their rules book saying how they WANT to hear from us because we ARE out there and see things. Boy, I was SO stupid thinking they meant it. They always said they didn't want to lose us because they knew we were reliable and trustworthy

@TheWizardOfWords

6 ай бұрын

Yes, they like to know what's going on, but you won't be rewarded for the telling-- my mother can attest to this. She's 77 and experienced this vicariously through one of her closest friends when she was in her forties, and personally in the convent--in her twenties. Lesson learned and taught :)

It is good advice for people in those impersonal settings like offices or classrooms. What if you are with your extended family and your parent starts insulting you? Some parents do that, unfortunately. They take the opportunity to belittle their adult children in front of the extended family just to humiliate their least favorite member of the family. How do you handle that? Can you ask them what they meant? Is that considered inappropriate? Or, do you just leave? I have not watched all your videos so maybe you have already covered it. With the holidays coming up, it is nice to have some pointers.

@ancu2682

9 ай бұрын

Abusive people never stop, so WALK AWAY! Even if you’re at your home, leave because they’re so entitled that it doesn’t register that they have crossed the line.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

Molly, kzread.infoQ9aQp2g1vLQ. Start here and look around on my YT channel for more

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

Ancu, not every rude person is abusive, and you can handle rudeness. You'd be surprised how family members will back off if you spotlight their behavior and make it clear you won't tolerate it. If they STILL keep it up? Then I'd consider leaving kzread.infoQ9aQp2g1vLQ

@joannaquanttumphysics

9 ай бұрын

Narcissist parent/family member. Go no contact

@TASconfidential

9 ай бұрын

Why deal with toxic family members at all during the holidays? Treat yourself to a vacation and ditch them altogether. No one should have to “prepare”, to tolerate abuse and mistreatment. The best way to “deal” with such matters is to eliminate it altogether. And to assure you that this option is okay, start telling yourself the following everyday: “ I am not obligated to anyone.”

I have found that looking at them directly stating loudly "Board now" tends to shut them up really quickly

I've just come across ur channel and really love how u r reminding us to be kind and loving in our communication, in ways we may be neglecting. Very much appreciated, indeed! U got urself a Brazilian subscriber!

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

Many thanks to my Brazilian subscriber :) :)

Excellent, thank you!

The information you share here is empowering Dan 🎉

Great advice, thank you.

Good advice, I really appreciate it.

amazing advice. Since I have started teaching, something happened, maybe my body language has changed in a better way. People are nicer to me, more people on the street or market or on the train look at me and smile or say hi. And I am getting much less negativity from toxic people.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

Wonderful!😊

@Chahlie

9 ай бұрын

I've noticed that too, as I get more self esteem it seems to build a force field around me and often they will attack someone else, which always shocks me :)

Thank you so very much for the captioning. I LOVE IT! I come from the upper part western US. We talk a little slower up here, and being used to that drawl, our ears don't always catch up to faster speech. So I appreciate it when people slow down a little or offer a little help, like eye contact, enunciation or captioning.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

The only trouble with captioning is when they spell "gorilla" guerilla and I have to then answer people who think I should correct what I cannot correct--namely captions. Having said that--IT'S WORTH IT and I can stand the heat :) :) :)

Out of the blue, I'm crushing over your video, and I'm going to have to listen to many more of yours because the messages are too valuable to miss.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 ай бұрын

Wonderful! Don't forget to sign up and then press the "join" button. Thank you!

Some people are just horrible. I frankly do not know how horrible people can even keep a job, let alone get into management. I know in some cases, you are dealing with a family owned biz, but seriously.

Always wonderful. Thanks.

So good! ❤

Great info. I work in a U.S. government setting and just about every internal email I come across has "Best Regards" or "R/John Doe" at the end.

great advice thank you

I'm dealing with a toxic boss currently. I've been working at my new job for about three months and the Gorilla as you say, as come out in full force. I'm in sales. My previous experience for a decade was consultative sales. This new role is rapid-fire, in-bound transactional sales which I'm not proficient at. My toxic boss comes into the sales floor and sits in a chair and stares at me while I'm on a sales call. After the call, he rips into me with a tirade of what I he believes I did wrong, or could have done better. Instead of mentoring and uplifting, he's abusive and degrading, loud and abrasive in my face in front of all the sales associates. He's fallen off the hinge and on the ledge so to speak. I'm sitting at my desk thinking to myself.. "This guy is a nut case. I gotta get out of this place!" He micromanages and brow beats. Help me what do I do?

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

Your instincts are right, in my opinion. Head for the door. A good sales person is golden; you'll find a new job soon.

@beninformato9040

9 ай бұрын

❤❤❤@@TheWizardOfWords

Thank YOU! Great way to start my week.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

You are so welcome!

Love!!! Your videos 👍

Great ideas

Wow, I was so relieved by this. All you said here are my common words😊. I am certain that I am not a problem. I am very powerful and respectful in nature, but in terms of working in a relationship with people, it challenged me. They look at me differently. They alienate me. They want to change me, and sabotaging me by their authority power. This is unfair when you cannot diminish your authenticity, and hope to be accepted. Sometimes, we don't need to take care other people's perspective, and we cannot control it. I think we better keep of who we are and let people accept you the way how we accept them.

Thank you, this was such a nice message with clear advice

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

You're welcome, Gracie.

Fully agree about bullies, and as well if i have a problem is to fix what i went wrong. take charge of your own action how to say things

So I randomly skipped to 8:10. Today I learned I’ve been using a power phrase my whole life and didn’t realize it lol any time I’m in a meeting and talking to someone about something they’re doing, if there’s any point where it’s appropriate to give them support I tell them “you got this” “I have faith in you” or both! And I’ve only seen people become engaged and excited and ultimately successful. It’s their success, but if I can amp someone up and empower them to feel excited and enthusiastic about what they’re doing, it can only multiply the success that we can accomplish together! 😁👍

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

Well what about the FIRST eight minutes??

There's a lot of Gorillas at my work, and several Zombies! Thank you for the advice 🙂

OK thank you! I'll loving it! I'm a little stuck. When the problem I perceive is the fact my mom and bro have no respect for anyone, twist the truth, and are within my living environment for the foreseeable future. I can see how i went wrong creating the lack of distance and I can explore the other relationship issues that lead to that and now feel a solution may be within sight. What I can't seem to find, however, is a path to truly believing it doesn't reflect/create my worth and I can't find a path to truly believing anyone is respected and I not only can but will live in the feeling of respectful worth strongly in my value as a contributing member of society. As happy and safe as possible while still growing and improving. How can I truly be the solution if I can't fathom how I was the problem that caused my family to despise me so?

@khakicampbell6640

9 ай бұрын

I don't fully agree with that concept of "you're the cause". I can understand how it can be useful in certain circumstances, but from a mental therapy point of view, there are definitely things that we do NOT need to take responsibility for, and shouldn't. Especially those of us coming from an abusive upbringing.

@sharonramirez8014

9 ай бұрын

@khakicampbell6640 thank you. I have a foot in both camps. I don't think I'm responsible per say but I know I keep getting more of the same issues and I'm so ready for respect

My pleasure.

You are amazing. Your content is valuable

Oftentimes when you stay calm in the midst of an out of controll gorilla, that almost provokes them to be unrestrained, more toxic, volatile & explosive, at least that's been my experience. Granted the only 2 people present were both equally toxic & no one else witnessed it. Where is Justice in this life? I feel it only exists for some people.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

Can you give an example, please?

@ThatsWhat-She.

9 ай бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords It's difficult & triggering for me to discuss it, but basically it made them angrier when I refused to engage in there same childish behavior, I wonder if they saw it as a threat.

@smoothiecutie2277

9 ай бұрын

@@ThatsWhat-She.. This is true. People with narcissistic tendencies HATE to be ignored. They hate that you are not giving them the reaction/supply/ fuel that they desperately crave. They NEED a reaction. In their eyes they can do what they want and only they deserve admiration and respect. However, they will not do the same to others. Their motto is “rules apply to thee but not to me.” Is everyone a narcissist? NO.

Brilliant video! First one I've seen from you. Definitely earned a like and a sub. Thank you for putting this out there!

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

Welcome aboard, TennysonHull and thanks for the sub.

I do some stuff where guidance doesn't exist. Your videos help me so much. Thank you.

@TheWizardOfWords

5 ай бұрын

Happy to help, Jose.

Amazing ! This is good stuff. I'm going to try it out on my husband 😊

Thanks!

@TheWizardOfWords

9 ай бұрын

Many thanks for the tip, Sarah :)

When you’re foreigner in different country people can be bully to you, they can treat you worse. I have experienced it in past, and still seeing that awkward people who thinks they’re better then you. There are no perfectionists we are all equal with different views or experience, those characteristics should make team stronger.

I genuinely didn’t know most ppl aren’t surrounded by ppl who say they believe in them. Social media is misleading. Thank you

20:48 You are right. This video prompted me to think about the phrase : "with great power comes great responsibility" I'm thinking now it is the opposite because the more responsibility you take of the aspects of your life the more power you have to change them in ways that benefit you and others around you. Cool.. Thank you!

Hi Dan! Thank you for this video! I had to look at the date on this video because you look so young in it!! What’s your secret!! 😄 Also, I LOVED your email tips. I think the subject line is SO important, so thank you for reminding me of that. Also, a labeled subject line helps with finding an email again easily at a later date! And I never heard of “EOM” so thank you for teaching me that! I will also definitely tell someone this week that I love or really enjoy working with them! Thank you so much Dan! P.s. I got a customer service email response in my inbox yesterday from a woman named “Trixie” and I immediately laughed and thought of you!! 😄🙏

@JesusSaves77799

7 ай бұрын

@jessicaj9743 I love this! This was perfect timing for me! What made you post this may I ask?

I found it useful to transform "I'm being bullied" into "I'm speaking with a chilld"

@TheWizardOfWords

2 ай бұрын

I think I heard that on TV over the weekend :)