Never justify, explain, defend, or overshare with a narcissist

@bluebelldays7650

2 жыл бұрын

NO NEVER EVER.

@TLW369

2 жыл бұрын

…This! 👏

@Janeway1269

2 жыл бұрын

That gets challenging when a Narc is your boss. Sometimes you need to explain your work or ideas. You just have to keep it as neutral as possible.

@lovewhitey2027

2 жыл бұрын

Just be captivating audience Listen 👂🏻 80% talk bs 20% and then escape

@desert_moon

2 жыл бұрын

BTDT. Never again.

To a narcissist you can never have any issues with them. They take any criticism as an insult then tell you you're the problem

@goesfarfliesnear1447

Жыл бұрын

I see you've met my mother. And sister. I thought I was adopted for awhile but we look too much alike. I am, however, the smart one. 😆

@lappesjl1

Жыл бұрын

Any criticism I gave mine was responded to by a rage response.

@Sewa4Me1

Жыл бұрын

This is 💯 legit

@redclarinetist2913

Жыл бұрын

This so much

@znowicotton5176

Жыл бұрын

Yes!!!

Never tell them anything personal. They will twist it around and tell everyone. They like to make you look bad and they'll tell everyone how they helped you.

@lillianbarker4292

8 ай бұрын

When I visited my narcissistic mother I never told her anything except the most mundane things because she’d own it and brag or use it against me. She really didn’t know me after awhile. Then I realized that she really didn’t care who I was as a separate person. 😢

@ariesqueen.

8 ай бұрын

Sooooo True

@terryneil3622

7 ай бұрын

So true

@SPCH0

7 ай бұрын

Sounds familiar!... Greetings from Canada!... 🍁

@missvegan1967

6 ай бұрын

Dutt'n matter they could talk until their heart's content. Get indifferent, live, be happy. ❤

I think the worse thing you can do to someone, is listen to what they have been through, and then put them through it again. For me this is exactly what narcissists people do. You over share something that happened to you and it is used as a weapon against you.

@x426x

5 ай бұрын

Mine used my inner most personal things I vented to her about against me. Spread my business. Sent naked pics of me to everyone. I mean the list goes on and on with the disrespect. But to hear her tell it, it’s all my fault.

@nicolewilson283

5 ай бұрын

I read comments all day and I wept reading yours. I remember telling him my trauma and suffering of brain surgery stroke poverty and some toxic relationships. He looked in my eyes and said I will never do that too you. He ended up doing more harm to me than any single person ever has. The grief and despair of that really is so difficult. Hugs to you ❤

@jayaxavier1959

3 ай бұрын

Oh yes so true 😢

@zal5989

3 ай бұрын

Exactly. I didn't know what narcissist behaviour was . Growing up with one parent like that I was used to it. My first try at dating I ended up with narcissist. I was always anxious, stresses , at extreme of my emotions ..and when I asked to stop all those he said we are having completely healthy relationship. After long rant of his mistakes he told me I'm just like my father. That hurt a lot..when he used everything I told him against me. He called me a psycho and said no one would put up with me , I should be grateful. Consent was a joke to him . He talked as if he deserved my body just because we were in a relationship. When I refused coz I am a virgin .. he was ranting on that it's modern times , virginity is nothing, sex is pain and pleasure that should be enjoyed. When I refused to fall in line with that one he was trying to make me believe I'm wrong party . He shamed me for being traditional. I was craving for affection so I did fall in some way like video calls. Thank God for some sense that remained coz of my parents else I would have been in much deeper trouble. Even after 5 months of no contact I'm still afraid coz after long periods of his stubbornness to not breakup he finally went away quietly and quickly after I said I'm scared and not interested in him. Maybe he realised I didn't fell in his trap because when I went back and read that last chat my responses to his many things were different from than my usual. I'm afraid whether he has screen recorded our video calls which he forced me into ( I was also stupid for doing it coz I used to think that was so stupid earlier and now but at that time don't know what happened) . Whether he will call and blackmail me or if he will spread those . I can't even imagine those scenarios, my family will be hurt , my conservative society will shun me. But no matter what I won't return to him. Because living in shame as an outcast is better than living as dead body in prison

@MsKenTexiana

Ай бұрын

So true. It happened to me. I no longer tell the narcissist anything about me. I disconnected from them. Those who know the narcissist, I advise not tell them information you don't want to hear or use against. The more information they have about you, the more fuel they have to use against you to hurt you and control you. I get phone calls from narcissist that I do not answer. Texts wishing happy birthday and holidays, I respond thanks. That is it. I don't want the trauma drama.

When they're insulting you they are self projecting their own inadequacies to control and keep you down. Keep calm and escape

@kconnolly6763

2 жыл бұрын

Great reminder. Thank you.

@TLW369

2 жыл бұрын

…This.

@aishahussein2072

2 жыл бұрын

Couldn’t agree more 💯

@Linda2

2 жыл бұрын

@@kconnolly6763 Yes indeed.

@dmiller1101

2 жыл бұрын

This is true. My narcissist used to tell me I was worthless for years finally I got tired of hearing it and kicked him out of the house he then started telling Me I should kill myself. One month later he killed hisself left a suicide note saying he was worthless....very sad

The difference between a joke and an insult is that in a joke both sides are laughing, in an insult they are laughing at you.

@tomd1434

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly. Within a family parents need to set that tone. If they don’t and siblings pick on and disrespect one another it causes problems. I had a sibling enjoy laughing at me often. Doesn’t exactly foster good feelings going forward especially when the parents just seemingly let it happen.

@TheWabaKing

2 жыл бұрын

Yep. She went to Harvard

@stevensutlief1914

2 жыл бұрын

It’s put down humor, and it’s mean.

@teampenit

2 жыл бұрын

I call it the "mean girl' laugh...that contemptous "everyone LOOK we have a victim over here that is less than us" laugh..

@teampenit

2 жыл бұрын

my niece pulled this on me at Christmas dinner, I was having a conversation on hte other end of the table about lemonade and it turned to pink lemonade and then to grapefruit's effect on the body (a legitimate fact, there are meds you can't take if you eat grapefruit) and I mentioned that they say that pineapple can help with eye floaters...she suddenly burst out this LOUD mean girl laugh and said "OH MY GOD that's so RANDOM!!'. I just got up and walked away. I sent her a message telling her how it hurt my feelings and explained what we were talking about and she came back with "We were just having family fun, don't make it something it's not" I explained that I didn't just make it up...I read a actual study from Taiwan...and I also read an article on how scientists are studying the DNA of ancient grains to plot the migration of prehistoric people but it wasn't apropos of the topic at hand....

The hard thing is (I think) is that you can never be sure this person is a narcissist. You'll be doubting your own judgement, thinking that you yourself are the narcissist when you find one of these trades in yourself while drowning in selfdoubt and indecisiveness. Ironically, that is exactly the type of person a narcissist loves to work with. It's hard.

@annekerotterdam7499

Жыл бұрын

You can be sure if you set (know) your own boundaries.

@elizabethevans7198

Жыл бұрын

I totally understand 100 percent. Started keep a notebook so I could go back and look at each screaming session . Have also started secretly recording when it starts to see what is really going on. It was even harder for me to see clearly because my mother was a narcissist and as a child I developed coping skills to survive. Making me prefect prey .

@kurtbarks6270

11 ай бұрын

Narcissist can destroy you. You’ll look back and wonder how you could’ve gone from a decisive, brave and confident person to someone who feels like you just want to get out of this life because you’re a failure. Don’t listen to the scripting they gave you. It’s time to be brave in your own story again.

@cmontygman

11 ай бұрын

Been going through this for the past 3-5 months, everyone says I'm not the narcissist. I keep doubting my judgement about her, while thinking I'm the one being the narcissist...

@dynopascal6793

11 ай бұрын

@@cmontygman if you are empathic to others and are happy to please, you are certainly not the narcissistic kind

Dr. Ramani, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I left my abusive, alcoholic, narcissistic fiancé 5 days ago. I had to call the police at 3 a.m. and fled with my dog with only a change of clothes and a toy. He would insult me, use my insecurities against me, guilt tripped me, insulted me. He would punch and kick walls, and keep me up all night. Because of your videos, i began having dreams of one day being free, and I would cry every night just at the thought of marrying him. I was scared, and lived in fear. You gave me the courage of doing what I never thought I could.

@user-cp9uv1ls4i

6 күн бұрын

Same. 💕

@chelechele5871

Күн бұрын

How are you doing now? I hope all is well.

"Healthy relationships do not involve insults."

@Sarachouska

Жыл бұрын

Healthy relationships do not have hurts or mistakes that leads to insults

@thedativecase9733

Жыл бұрын

Weirdly though, friends of mine who have successful, long time marriages insult each other all the time - it's done in a jokey wat, but I would find it jarring if it was done to me.

@dawidmarkowicz4171

Жыл бұрын

​@@Sarachouska Actually healthy relationships do have hurts and mistakes, because that's the inevitability of every relationship. However, they lead to understanding own mistakes and a willing to make things better, not insults and that's why they are called healthy. What you have just described is an utopian relationship.

When a narcissist insults you and you say “hey wtf?!” they say oh you’re too sensitive or get over it or I was just kidding. A friend says “I’m sorry”

@ncr4007

Жыл бұрын

So true ! This is how every conversation with my Mom went this last year. Only one “I’m sorry.” Only because she knows she would never heard from me again.

@tiggywinkle5630

Жыл бұрын

Yes I used to get 'oh I was just joking'...to me jokes are supposed to be funny.

@teenychristinee

Жыл бұрын

And call you crazy for having emotionas

@traci7375

Жыл бұрын

My husband does this a lot :-(

@ker240

Жыл бұрын

I always get “you’re too sensitive,” but then days later he says the same thing or something even worse. Always tells me to shut up if I’m expressing my frustration because he doesn’t want to hear it and when he does something REALLY bad and makes me cry and really upset, he turns it around and tells me I have issues OR he starts acting like he’s upset and tries to make me feel bad for him. I was out of town after COVID visiting my family after 3 years across the planet and he brought a random woman into OUR apartment. When I called him on it he did what I said above. I’ve tried to get over it. He proposed 5 months later but in my gut I’m still so damn angry. And any time something happens my mind goes back to that. If I ever bring it up and how much he hurt me he says “when are you going to get over that? It was nothing.” So here I am. Living across the world with someone I don’t feel emotionally safe with but I can’t leave just yet since he owes me a ton of money. This comes after my ex who was abusive on all levels. Sending everyone out there who has dealt with trauma and emotional abuse, a HUGE hug. You’re not alone!

And when they insult, they say “I am just honest person and being honest to you”

My husband loved to say I never contributed to the marriage after 22 years together, and 2 children. He always did his best to trigger an angry response so he could point me out to be crazy.

@jamesestes3787

15 күн бұрын

My ex husband did the exact same thing to me for 12 years. I feel your pain and I’m sorry you went through that.

@ginademecs801

11 күн бұрын

Mine did as well and it has been almost five years trying to divorce him because he has spent all his time energy and money punishing me for calling him out in his bad behavior, mistreatment and abuse which he says I caused and deserve. He is evil in every single sense of the word. I would not want to be him for the karma and rather if God that is already in his life and is actively bringing justice (finally) to myself and our son. I wish you all the best on your journey to healing and that you have peace, hope and the self love that will bring you the amazing things God has for you! Thank you Dr. Ramani! You do Gods work, you save, and you heal us, and we will never forget how you helped us in the hardest, most frightening fight for our very lives!! May God bless you beyond measure for all you do!!

After being constantly gaslit and insulted, I feel like I will never know how to have a healthy relationship again. I don't trust people and I am super isolated.

@dolores2716

2 жыл бұрын

Give yourself time to heal. As they say, it's better to be alone than to wish you were.

@LewsTherin100

2 жыл бұрын

Go easy and forgive yourself- the rest will come with time. Godspeed to you

@runerider11

2 жыл бұрын

Shauna, you hit the nail on the head.. im not only leary of relaxing now, it's affected every aspect of my life and everyone meet... i wear the hurt and anger like a heavy coat..

@TheWenniejjj

2 жыл бұрын

Shauna, I've been there and I'm still not in a relationship after 3 years now. What really helped me is talking to a psychologist about it. You deserve real love in your life, don't let someone else ruin it for you. Keep it up warrior 🕴️

@lisafiedler4513

2 жыл бұрын

Omgoodness…me too! I’m actually afraid that I will NEVER be able to trust anyone, ever again. Therefore, little chance of finding….or even looking…for another relationship. I believe everyone has an angle. Their kindness, etc could not possibly be real. Nobody would want me, or love me for me. I’m sooo damaged after so many years of abuse. I honestly believe that I’m damaged beyond repair. 😢

"Insults are the love language of the narcissist". Wow. SO TRUE.

@dominiquevalencia6146

Жыл бұрын

It's so warped that it's kinda hilarious😆

@BLIQUEMIST26

Жыл бұрын

Tell you horrible things then want your body

@Aphrodite_ErosLuvChild214-80

Жыл бұрын

@@BLIQUEMIST26 unless it's your mom and then perhaps it's emotional incest

@autumnhomer9786

Жыл бұрын

@@BLIQUEMIST26 🎀This! 👆. 🎀

@princessirulancorrino4695

Жыл бұрын

I swear his insults were the most horrific insults I’ve received in my life. One of the worst was when he abandoned me out of the blue, after doing everything for him. He said: “In your next relationship do better. And I mean work hard because you need to put a lot fo effort in order to be valued by someone…”

Having been raised by a narc mother who insulted me constantly, I thought that was normal. It took me years to learn that it is not.

@lillianbarker4292

8 ай бұрын

Me too. And I believed her insults. I’ve had to unlearn them and it’s taken years.

@daisyroots8926

8 ай бұрын

@@lillianbarker4292so proud of you for that.. I haven’t and I’m 60 this year.. I still believe that I’m stupid and no wonder I can’t keep a man 😅

@lillianbarker4292

8 ай бұрын

@@daisyroots8926 I found a man who worked with special needs middle school kids. He really helped me emotionally. It’s not too late to find love, though he may not be handsome. 🥰

@Bruno-tm3xo

8 ай бұрын

Same here and I found an account from a teacher who was coaching me extra who was coaching, asking the headmaster to « diplomatically » speak to my mother and ask her that I don’t go home on week ends because it was taking me half the school week to get myself together ……..which made me nogo for schoolwork. Everyone in the extended family was happy to look the other way just to have their peace……which ended up being at my emotional cost with the perk of on top of it of feeling guilty. Who ever might me the abuser……..RUN !!! You will find friends who become your family….a better one…..maybe a spouse, but do not jump in with that one. Someone who genuinely loves you, will give you time. Do not bow to….if we had a child it would make things better…..the ultimate death trap.

I got told “You used to look so good” while pointing to a picture of myself when I was thirty. This is when I was fifty. I guess I wasn’t supposed to age. My ex narc husband was wrinkled & losing his hair at the time, but he told me “I deserve a sexy & attractive wife” when he discarded me for his alcoholic girlfriend. She is now in prison for felony dui.

@leecollard3001

8 ай бұрын

HA! Karmic Return for him!

@tanyakilbane7636

8 ай бұрын

, we are sure he is looking desperate looking for a new mommy type sexy thing. I’m sure he is going to be worth it to some desperate fool! HahahA

@SPCH0

7 ай бұрын

2023: Good for you!... Hoping you get all the help you deserve for your recovery!... 🗽 Bless you!... - Greetings from Canada!... 🍁

@billpetersen298

6 ай бұрын

When you love someone, they are always beautiful.

@nicolewilson283

6 ай бұрын

Did you say, thanks, you never looked good. *sigh

PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU DO NOT (DELIBERATELY) HURT YOU AND PEOPLE WHO (DELIBERATELY) HURT YOU DO NOT LOVE YOU. It's that simple, but for those of us who have been narcissistically abused this is a bitter pill to swallow, a difficult truth to digest and come to terms with. I am 71 years old and I struggle with this reality daily.

@hammertime369

Жыл бұрын

❤

@goesfarfliesnear1447

Жыл бұрын

But you know this and are miles ahead of so many. The fact that you're introspective enough to know this and wise enough to learn says a lot about you! Life wasn't meant to be a struggle, please treat yourself with compassion!

@thebookdoc.writing.and.editing

Жыл бұрын

OK, tell my alter ego who has this really shallow underpinning and falls for the best looking girl in the room who no one will talk to. Over-confidence seems to work. But the personalities that go with a pretty face often don't.

@anitaarya1451

Жыл бұрын

It will never stop

@hammertime369

Жыл бұрын

@@anitaarya1451 no but at least there are those of us who have come to that conclusion so forewarned is forearmed💗

Coffee and Dr. Ramani..............how I start my day

@dionnedeniseeveryday

2 жыл бұрын

❤I love this! This is how I spend early Sunday's also Coffee with the Doc ❤ Happy Sunday MV Agrippa

@Loosesapphire5135

2 жыл бұрын

Truly

@gremlin4606

2 жыл бұрын

Yes🥰

@gertrudewest4535

2 жыл бұрын

...with unsweetened almond milk, sitting in my beautiful garden with at least three of my children (beloved pet hens) snuggled in my arms. Wild bird friends all around! What better way to arm myself for the abusive workplace (all male narc crew), than love, beauty and a dose of Dr. Ramani.

@katk925

2 жыл бұрын

Same here!!! ❤️❤️❤️

I read your book “Should I Stay or Should I Go” in 2003. This enabled me to escape the narcissist husband after 25 years. It took me many years to get past it, and my health improved at least 50%!

@SPCH0

7 ай бұрын

Good for you!... 🗽 - Greetings from Canada! - 🍁

@lisab7977

4 ай бұрын

Omg I bought that book too!!! I didn’t realize it was Dr Ramanis book. Unfortunately all these years later I am still trapped with my narc.

We were driving in the car with the kids to my mothers house where my brother and his family had just arrived from out of state. I was telling a story to the children and my ex cut me off and said, “why do you move your hands when you talk like that? That is the most ignorant thing I’ve ever seen.“ He couldn’t stand the fact that I was happy I was going to see my family so he had to quash my feelings.He did. I started crying.

@kathiejl1

Жыл бұрын

Oh my gosh! You reminded me how many times my husband has ruined a family holiday before/during/afterwards! You are right! I guess he didn’t like that these get togethers made me happy. 😢 Oh so many times I cried and the event or memories were ruined.

@meenagavarasana9891

Жыл бұрын

You just took the words from my mouth

@alicial4857

Жыл бұрын

Congrats on the end of your relationship!

@scottiej3716

Жыл бұрын

My mother unexpectedly died while we went to see his parents, she passed away after us there 2 weeks, few days from flying out. I had to be on the phone alot for 2 days planning everything. His parents were very understanding, consoling me. He said I ruined everyone's vacation. He made sure I missed my own mother's funeral!!!

@sunkissedmami9233

Жыл бұрын

@@scottiej3716I’m so sorry you had to go through that what an evil person😢

A relationship with a narcissist will never survive if the victim finds self love. I’ve realized that. They will go to great lengths to stop you any way they can.

@vnrjn8

2 жыл бұрын

The true goal of the narcissist in any relationship is simply to feed off the victim. Should the victim ever rise, speak the truth, and demand change, the narcissist's end game becomes to utterly obliterate the victim.

@captlanc

2 жыл бұрын

@@vnrjn8 A weakling could never obliterate anyone. Anyone caught in the narcissist’s web should wake up to the truth of how strong they actually are.

@spikefivefivefive

2 жыл бұрын

They will tell you that YOU are the selfish one if you discard the narc.

@calvincaldwell2692

2 жыл бұрын

NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER.

@LD-hs9iv

2 жыл бұрын

That is true. Once I began to feel more confident and happy with myself, this narcissistic bitch tries and tells me that my happiness is 'fake' and that changes like that don't happen that quickly Cut them off, been happy with life ever since

This so reminds me of my former husband! He would insult me/my body (after bearing him 3 children) while we were getting dressed. The first couple of times he did this, I was dumbfounded, shocked and speechless. The last time this happened, I turned around and said 'well, I wouldn't look twice at you either.' The look on his face was priceless. Needless to say, the marriage did not last and I am now free!!!!!!

@roswb5388

2 жыл бұрын

Kailei. That’s the trouble when you insult them back they can’t take it and it causes a huge fight. Then they gaslight you and say you are abusive. You can’t win!

@kaileim970

2 жыл бұрын

@@roswb5388 EXACTLY

@roswb5388

2 жыл бұрын

@Sara K. it’s very hard dealing with these individuals, and they never change.

@korab.23

2 жыл бұрын

How do you talk to your children about it? I'm halfway into divorce and my oldest misses him but I just can't...

@kaileim970

2 жыл бұрын

@@korab.23 my son was 12 when we split. I told him that I wanted him to have a good relationship with his dad, it was important. That I respected that he loved his dad because he was his dad, and never wanted to interfere with that. I told him I never wanted him to feel he had to choose one over the other or that he was in the middle. Within the next year, while in the middle of divorcing, my estranged husband committed suicide and it unleashed a whole new level of Hell. I didn't handle it well and was so angry with him for what he did to our kids by abandoning them that way. After 10 years of counseling and 15 years later, I am still working on forgiving him, but it allowed me to set a new household climate and move away from his controlling, authoritative dominion. The kids and I survived, and the son is a kind, loving, caring, non-violent but anxious adult now. More than you probably wanted to know, but the road is a hard one and so worth it. Don't make excuses for your Ex's behavior, and try not to bash him to the kids. My best to you and your children.

I really like that she understands that some folks are either not willing or not able to walk away from a toxic relationship like this. I'm frankly tired of the channels that ignore interpersonal, social, and religious realities by always advising, "You can't win. You are going to continue to be miserable. Just walk away". Hearing "if you're stuck in the relationship, here's what you need to do" is incredibly helpful

@Yumicpcake

7 ай бұрын

Definitely! It's very scary to do and most of us would prefer to have a plan before we try so that we don't fail and have to go back. If that happens, the relationship gets even worse than before if the narc has caught on.

@krissyp7219

3 ай бұрын

okay, I will share some things that improved my daily living before I escaped my ex of thirty one years. At that time, I did not know about narcissism or even the different kinds of abuse. I just thought he was mean. I learned all on my own, to practice reverse psychology with him. Example: He harassed me for years about cutting off branches of my beloved landscaping plants, just because I found pleasure in their beauty. It occurred to me one day, to tell him, yes, he could go cut branches off. That's okay with me. Guess what? He never touched them and he never harassed me about them again. After that, I began verbalizing the opposite of what I liked or wanted, because I knew it would end better for me that way. If I loved something, he would ruin it or get rid of it. It was safest just to project indifference. Another example concerns money: While being trapped in a moving car far from home, he would verbally abuse me to tears too many times to count. One day, I just told him if he didn't stop it, I was going to take a taxi home and it was going to cost him a lot of money. I meant what I said, and he knew it, and because money was precious to him, he stopped. But, overall, it was short term, and I learned it was best to refuse to ride in the same car with him and to drive separately as much as was possible. Another money example: He secretly broke into my hundred dollar locked rolling book bag/suitcase to spy on my notes from counseling sessions. I feigned ignorance that he was to blame, but loudly complained to him about my case breaking, and how I was now going to have to spend a hundred dollars on another one. I wish I could have a picture of the look on his face when I said that!!! The new case was never broken into. What a shock. Traveling/flying: When our daughter graduated college, I refused to fly on the same plane with him, or stay in the same hotel room with him. It is best to avoid situations where you are trapped with them. You end up finding ways to protect yourself. I could go on and on. Hope a few ideas help. I was in a Protestant church that did not believe in divorce, so I was shunned after my escape. I am no longer begging God to kill me. I wish you strength, wisdom and safety.

„contempt is the death of a relationship insults are a primary means of comunicating that contempt“ … I had to write that one down. thank you dr. ramani 🙏

I also find that a good rule of thumb for determining whether a person is narcissistically insulting you or, as they might claim, “just kidding around,” is: how would THEY react if the shoe was on the other foot? Because narcissists always demand immediate forgiveness for their contemptuous treatment of you. But when you say something that even mildly hits an insecurity of theirs, they will be EXTREMELY quick to take offense and hold it against you, with no possibility of reconciliation or forgiveness, almost seeming to enjoy the victim status it gives them. These are very thin-skinned people, who simultaneously want you to be extremely thick-skinned.

@stillaworkinprogress2147

2 жыл бұрын

You nailed it! I walked on eggs around my narc relative and was undermined in a very subtle way for years. I would never dare speak to or about this relative the way they spoke to/about me. I never, ever felt I could safely stick up for myself and when I learned how this narc relative talked about me behind my back to friends and relatives, I was saddened but not, in the end, really surprised as I finally understood that this relative would never, ever actually like me, much less love me.

@mahoganidiamond

2 жыл бұрын

Precisely!!! Exactly this!

@yukio_saito

2 жыл бұрын

It's interesting. In Japanese, shameless people are said as "厚顔” (thick-skinned face).

@ruthann8442

2 жыл бұрын

@@stillaworkinprogress2147 I'd give this comment 100 thumbs up if I could!

@dellaella1143

2 жыл бұрын

So true, I know someone who loves throwing the insults and says I'm being too sensitive, but if I say it back to them and ask if they like it, you should see the look on their face!!

When we learn to emotionally detach, we can start to observe how hollow and empty a narcissist's insults are, much like the narcissist himself/herself. They say more about the narcissist's insecurities than about anyone else.

@waywardmd

2 жыл бұрын

So very true.

@DollfaceKim

2 жыл бұрын

Fact!!

@TerLH59

2 жыл бұрын

The depths they will go to create as much emotional damage as possible

@muskokamike127

2 жыл бұрын

The problem with narcs is their skill for finding your weakness and going in for the kill at every opportunity. It's like a death by a thousand cuts...Also their ability to move in for the kill when they think you're at your weakest. Case in point: I was sick with the flu, my gf came over to see how I was. She opened a video on my laptop about how people learn (why she thought this was a good idea when I was sick is beyond me) and when I said I tend to learn by doing. NO NO NOOOO you're NOT. YOU learn by watching!!! Umm I'm 55 years old, I've been learning new things the whole time, I should know how I learn...NO NO NO YOU DON'T.....(among other things) I eventually asked her to leave. lol. Then there was the time I'd just gotten home from my father's funeral out of town, she came over to console me (I guess) and proceeded to start not one, but TWO arguments with me. Again, I asked her to leave. "I don't need this right now".

@ruebencristobal7790

2 жыл бұрын

Pretty women adore the narcissist grande

I wanted to say thank you for creating these videos. My partner and I both exhibit narcissistic qualities and we use your videos to recognize them and correct them, in doing so we better ourselves and remove the toxic qualities from our marriage.

@KEOSHAANEILIA

2 ай бұрын

That’s great that you both are open to accepting accountability, being vulnerable enough with one another to admit your personal shortcomings, changing, and growing together.

Just got out of a 6 month thing with a narc. I'm realizing now he insulted me often but would disguise it as a joke. It started to feel normal after a while. Very glad i got out. 🙏🏻

“The insults have an edge.” YES! It is never a “joke” or said in a light hearted manner. It’s a weapon used to break down victims/get them to submit.

@Pfsif

2 жыл бұрын

Old saying: men give insults and don't mean them and woman give compliments and don't mean them.

@lovewhitey2027

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly

@misssasha168

2 жыл бұрын

Agreed 👍.

@BBAKER22

2 жыл бұрын

And that's why you walk AWAY and NEVER look back!! NEVER!!

@dragonstaye4557

2 жыл бұрын

My narcs insults are assault weapons honed to a very sharp edge and intended to cut my jugular ....

Yep. I'm lazy, I'm fat, I don't know how to dress, I'm not smart, I'm not sane. Its funny that nobody else describes me that way.

@justred5164

2 жыл бұрын

Same thing here. This went for years with my narcissistic boyfriend. He was the only person ever to say hurtful things like. But when I’m out and about or at work it was exactly the opposite. The funny thing was the before we entered into the relationship he was one of the ones that complimented daily and went out of his way to do so. But shortly after we began dating he became a monster!!! Insulting me and berating me for no reason at all. But I noticed that all insults and berating was about his own insecurities. He was referring to himself but used it on me to torture me because he was tormented in his head.

@justred5164

2 жыл бұрын

@@jacquelynhaas8184 you better believe he’s lying!!!! It’s a trap to keep you in a state of despair!! All because of his own self hate!

@colywogable

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly. The narc is the ONLY one that apparently sees all these terrible qualities in you.

@Musicandlyrics2400

2 жыл бұрын

Lol I was lazy and messy despite working 2 jobs 7 days a week, a bitch, have too many problems and nobody wants to deal with my nonsense, need to get over myself, selfish, greedy, fat, and just a terrible person overall 😂

@justred5164

2 жыл бұрын

@@Musicandlyrics2400 wow! It’s insane! What miserable people living in there head!

Contempt is a death of relationship. What a great advice! I'll teach that to my children.

You got it right. thank you. Do not react, remain calm, assert your worth, Detach, Stay on goal, be deceptive, do not give them ammunition, do not be vulnerable.

It is difficult because when you ask them to stop being so critical/ saying unfriendly things, sneer, a conflict starts and then you receive the blame for the conflict.

@OldSchoolBaller

Жыл бұрын

My ex narcissistic GF can whatever she wants but if I give her example on her, she goes ape shit. She says, "There you go again. You always have to get me back." I'm like what? I'm just giving you an example on how irrational and hypocritical you are...

@colleendavidson1820

Жыл бұрын

And the " I'm just kidding " doesn't work after the 50th time, get away ASAP.

@Minisynapse

Жыл бұрын

I was critical of them, for a good reason. Being critical of someone sounds wrong to many, it sounds like I'm being hurtful. No. If you punch my friend, I will be "critical" of your behavior and point out the excessive violence. If you ignore me for days to weeks, I will confront you by asking why are you not responding to me. Etc. Being critical is just questioning something that most people don't question. There is inherently nothing wrong with it, and in fact it is likely something that we all should cultivate to some extent, if not in the form of being self-critical (or self-aware). Being critical is not bad, being unable to take responsibility and shifting it to those who are innocent is the problem. If you are anti-social, I will criticize you, justly, and you can either take responsibility or escape it and lose me as a friend. Your choice.

@jessicat2519

Жыл бұрын

@@Minisynapse there are ways to say things . domination through rudeness is not ok.

@jessicat2519

Жыл бұрын

​@@Minisynapse It is not ok to dominate through rudeness.

My mum always insulted me and I used to think it was just an “Indian culture” thing but my husband stood up for me as he always always hated it when I didn’t speak up or just brush it off. Than they started saying he was a bad person and played me and him against each other. We shut them out and now are happy as we don’t deal with any family members.

@tarysunshine3878

2 жыл бұрын

Good for you Growing up, my parents also likes to insult & gaslight us. When I went for Uni I found that everything they say was a lie & never trust them again

@janetpattison8474

2 жыл бұрын

Fantastic!

@g.johnson5007

2 жыл бұрын

Good for you!

@phanibhushantholeti9446

2 жыл бұрын

seems insults in "Indian culture" are a common occurrence. The women in my life have insulted, by this definition, the men in their lives. Now, I'm not even sure if it counts as insults or if I'm over reacting. Insults. "Your fault" are quite a staple in all relationships (not just Indian), I thought, till I saw these channels - but I still have a feeling that it's just an Indian thing, and not really abuse of any kind.

@rhino5100

2 жыл бұрын

My family of origin is caucasian (white/European) and I called it the "Three Act Play". Act 1: "I know everything." Act 2: "You know nothing." Act 3: "Here are all the other ways that you are a terrible person that have nothing to do with the original topic/controversy". Once it started up, I knew exactly where it was going. I married a South-East Asian and our life is so much better than the example I had growing up. I don't think its because you're family is Indian.

I didn’t even realize I was not hearing half of what my parents spoke to me until my wife pointed it out. I just subconsciously blocked it out. Endless insults are poison to your soul.

@betsyross3963

5 ай бұрын

My mother constantly criticized me growing up and continued into adulthood.

I’m so glad I’m out of my last relationship. All of my interests, my goals, my ideas and opinions were wrong and shot down through insults. It made me feel like a child. At the end when we would get into a conflict I felt like I couldn’t say anything so would sit there unable to say a word. Then he’d get mad I was silent. This threw me into hardly being able to breathe and I’d get a panic attack. Good times. So glad I’m out.

@rafaelcastro2674

Жыл бұрын

I feel you, I even started to believe that I needed her input because “I didn’t do anything right”, or “always made the wrong decisions”. I even didn’t know how to do my job according to her. Didn’t know how to clean, cook, drive, work, pack, organize, raise my kids(not her’s), exercise, do laundry, the list goes on. (Petty things, but they ended up in just insults and fights)

@jijilynnituma7122

Жыл бұрын

Im in that situation 5 years now with my partner

@rafaelcastro2674

Жыл бұрын

@@jijilynnituma7122 it took me 8 years, so afraid to leave. You get hooked, and even believe that your partner is right and you are wrong, I even doubted my feelings and started feeling guilty for feeling sad or bad. Still am, even feel guilty for leaving.

@rafaelcastro2674

Жыл бұрын

@@jijilynnituma7122 be strong, listen to your self, and those around you

@jijilynnituma7122

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for the encouragement. My Narc has lots of supply now.

The insult wrapped in a criticism, followed by a "you're so sensitive", that's the narcissist's main course that they like to dish out.

@hugmc

2 жыл бұрын

I love too answer them on that one.if you weren’t so narcissistic I wouldn’t be so sensitive 😂

@TLW369

2 жыл бұрын

…They think they’re being slick, but they’re not. 😐

@sabrinamohammed9778

2 жыл бұрын

I hear this all the time as well as you need to not to take things to personal

@clogs4956

2 жыл бұрын

'Dont take this the wrong way, but...' - 'I don't mean to upset you, but...' - 'Everything is okay, but...' - all straplines indicating that criticism, insult and belittling will follow, usually with a serving of word-salad.

@rebeccabiage6271

2 жыл бұрын

@@clogs4956 Yep, those word salads they use-- when they came from my former covert narc, they were NEVER healthy salads, that's for sure!

What baffles me is how quickly he would turn from someone who was calling me beautiful, amazing and loved to calling me crazy,whore and bitch. Sometimes less than 24 hours. I decided to get off the crazy train a while ago but having trouble totally letting go. I think I've just been totally traumatized by the entire experience.

@i.g.l.z.9215

2 жыл бұрын

Wish you all it takes to get rid of the manipulations and be free, blessings!

@heyla8401

2 жыл бұрын

I was called whore, bitch and c*nt by my ex constantly. I finally got sick of it. I looked at him and said " Well, if I'm a whore, bitch and c*nt, why are you with me!!??". He was stunned. I made him think. Unfortunately he raged at me. I just stood there and smirked. He was completely freaked out. I packed my stuff and left the next day. Of course he raged at/over me when I was packing some last things. He shoved me HARD. I shoved him back. I told him that whatever he does to me physically I would do right back.

@dj_bae

2 жыл бұрын

I experienced the same thing with a narcissist. We could go from exchanging Christmas presents to him screaming at me about what a “whore” I was in a matter of a couple of hours. It was terrifying.

@mellyo7262

2 жыл бұрын

Karla… you deserve better, you deserve to be called beautiful and amazing but without being called all the awful unhealthy names… don’t look back…

@Eyeluv2d

2 жыл бұрын

I am so traumatized by the word whore because of my abusive ex. He must have called me a whore almost daily

Thinking of Pink Floyd's album Animals, the song Dogs..some of .the lyrics are : "you have to be trusted by the people that you lie to, so that when they turn their backs on you, you'll get the chance to put the knife in." That whole song is a perfect description of the narcissist.

@stoneesoteric

Ай бұрын

greatt song- my fav on that album

Some insults my older, identical twin sister said to me (when we were already adults): “You’re the ugly, fat one!” “You’re just a copy of me!” “You’re SO jealous of me!” “Your boyfriend doesn’t really love you - he’s actually in love with ME!” Being discarded by her, especially after physical abuse coupled with the verbal and emotional, was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

@ngoddess9684

Жыл бұрын

I am a fraternal twin and have a twin brother, so luckily, as a woman, I never had to compare my looks to my twin. However, my twin is a cerebral narcissist that physically and psychologically abused me when we were teenagers and I cut him off a decade ago. Best move I ever made for my emotional health.

@ChangeforJonathan

3 ай бұрын

This is crazy

You feel with a Narcissist that no matter what you do or say they will always find fault with you.

I can't tell you how many times I heard "get over it" when I objected to verbal abuse. To anyone in this kind of toxic relationship, get out. People don't change, and you deserve better.

@sgtmuffinbadger6147

Жыл бұрын

Yeah mine would do this

@gabriellamashiah3965

Жыл бұрын

MEN HAVE NO 💜 HEART STAY FAR AWAY FROM THEM! THEY DON'T NEED TO BR IN RELATIONSHIP S

@damiennroddy

Жыл бұрын

I ended a 5 year a few months back. Greatest choice I've ever done

@Gored1

Жыл бұрын

So true. I hate when people tell me "You need to learn to forgive." or the same thing with "people change." attached to that because I spent my whole life (over 40) being treated very poorly and know that people don't actually change, they just get better at their crappy ways and if they can't they will move on to their next victim/s. Here's my massive problem with forgiving: The people who have bad tendencies toward others no matter how little or big now have an open door to be however they want toward you because they know they can get away with anything until you snap back but they know you are expected to forgive and until you do, for some strange reason most people look at you as the bad one. They always do it to nice people who then get a bad rep for not forgiving someone. Makes it hard to want to spend my time on people because no matter how nice I am or what I do for people, they always expect me to just let people be nasty to me or I am the problem.

@monikaazariah9237

Жыл бұрын

I was subjected to " get over it " too - it's painful

A narcissist will tell you it’s your fault you have cancer everything is your fault ! The narcissist is always correct they are perfect and everyone else has a problem but them !

I'm the youngest of 8 and I am in my late 50s. I finally am understanding narcissism in my siblings. When my mother had her final massive heart attack and a few of my siblings witnessed it and then they attempted to describe it in a humorous way, complete with acting out the rolling back of her eyes, it traumatized me to the point I can never forget that. And even with all that, I attempted to form relationships with all of them for 25 years until a couple of years ago. I had enough and it's the best thing I ever did.

@SPCH0

7 ай бұрын

2023: Some families are really getting into 'disturbed & disturbing' dynamics in terms of normal relationship. Glad to know that you did the right thing as to stay away & focusing on who you are at your best. 💎 Your comment is a Blessing for everyone dealing with similar situations... - Regards.

The favourite narcissistic's thing: insulting, pretending it's a joke if we said we feel hurt, telling us we're too sensitive if we insist it doesn't feel like a joke, and telling us we're complicated if we insist we're not insensitive. And it goes on and on until the narcissist escape accountability for the initial words.

@juliagearing506

2 жыл бұрын

I would have to add that there is a lack of empathy/sympathy when we tell them that it hurts

@tricia8727

2 жыл бұрын

Truth 💯

@senoracheapee1864

2 жыл бұрын

I just discontinue contact. People like this don’t deserve an explanation. These are the people that deserve to be ghosted. And quite frankly, it’s seems that it’s becoming more common among men and on the rise in general

@muskokamike127

2 жыл бұрын

and the old "I never said that" routine.

@music_istherapy8860

2 жыл бұрын

@@senoracheapee1864 Definitely

I spent 20 years in an on /off relationship with a narcissist and he reduced a confident, outgoing me into a complete empty shell of a person. Insults were said with a smile and he gaslighted me so much I thought I was going insane. Not turning up when we had a date, not calling for days and then blaming me for lack of contact, comparing me to other 'better' women etc. I finally came to my senses when his mobile was stolen and the guy who stole it actually texted me to tell me my boyfriend had 3 other women on the go (he could see all the texts/messages). Karma is a b****! Anyway, I dumped his arse and have been happily married to a lovely guy for 14 years. There is hope after such a nightmare.

@muddypaintwater2178

Жыл бұрын

@Carmen Mac spot the narcissist

@muddypaintwater2178

Жыл бұрын

@Carmen Mac its you

@AmyPieterse

Жыл бұрын

I lost my spleen because my narcissistic boyfriend beat me. Stay strong and get rid of the narcissist in your life

@aromadiaries

Жыл бұрын

"Not turning up when we had a date, not calling for days and then blaming me for lack of contact, comparing me to other 'better' women etc". ... sounds EXACTLY like my narcissistic ex they're so linear and predictable.

@angelacasein7059

Жыл бұрын

The kindness of strangers can really assist you sometimes with these devils

Very well spoken! Never let the narcissist tell you who you are.

@satan4hire

3 ай бұрын

She never said that lmao

I’ve been surrounded by narcissists my whole life

@annekerotterdam7499

Жыл бұрын

me too

@TheRealDeal130

8 ай бұрын

​@@annekerotterdam7499Me three. I also learnt that the term 'empath' is misleading; the right term is codependent. Chronic trauma caused us to be that way; it's not normal or healthy. You can polite or civil, not 'nice'. Be nice to YOU!

@tinyshinyyyy

4 ай бұрын

Same and I think we all need to work on our boundaries!

The “kind” insults are the worst. I babysat for my “ex-boss” She was constantly “complimenting me” but for some reason I NEVER felt good after. 90% of the time her compliments made me want to cry or get mad. But they were worded so “sneaky” that I could never confront her. I would sound crazy. I ended my job and very vaguely mentioned how I didn’t like how she treated me and I was done with her passive aggressive statements. She said “I’m sorry you mistook my confidence in you as insults” So gaslighting me was her last words.

@jamaicanjoyh6883

2 жыл бұрын

a pro! wow

@sethlewis8262

Жыл бұрын

@@darrinsiberia what do you mean by they need help ?

@__.Sara.__

Жыл бұрын

@@sethlewis8262 Probably psychiatric help.

@alwaysbeeurself

Жыл бұрын

Good thing you listened to your intuition. Easier said then done. But YOU DID IT! :)

@Chantelace

Жыл бұрын

She was threatened by you you shouldn’t have left

“Insults are the love language of narcissists.” You put it so well, Doc. I cannot agree more living through that my whole life

@caraziegel7652

2 жыл бұрын

oooh . . . yes, i was taught that you only insult people you know well becuase they will know its a joke and you dont mean it.hmm

@DipaEna

Жыл бұрын

Yas, exactly. When she said that, it was like a slap to the very core of me. Very eye opening..

@LordZombieZanetta

Жыл бұрын

Ya that line hit me as very familiar and caught my full attention.

@daniellewatson8352

Жыл бұрын

What has happened to this world we live in? I hadn’t even heard of the terminologies ‘narcissist’, ‘gaslighting’, ‘love bombing’ etcetera until 5yrs ago and I’m a 52yr old. What I was aware of was the SM@RT @SS PUT DOWNS by my INSIDIOUS MOTHER. I had a Covert Narcissist as a mother who imo is Demonic and a father who was a violent alcoholic BUT SHE WAS the one who would set things up so I, being the oldest and most athletic, would cop the most VICIOUS HIDINGS FOR A LITTLE 9yr old girl. IT CHANGED MY SOUL AND I’VE SEEN NUMEROUS COUNSELLORS ET AL BUT ALL THEY DID WAS TELL ME I SUFFERED PTSD, CHRONIC DEPRESSION, AND A PEOPLE PLEASER. Odd thing is my mother attends a Pentecostal church! VILE CREATURE WHO DESTROYED MY FAMILY. P.S. What mother sits in the car after her 5yr old is put in the boot of a f’g car by her father because when we were children we suffered car sickness and my sister was sick? A MOTHER WITH DEMONS IN HER SOUL.

@deyonnemilligrock1447

Жыл бұрын

Agreed! I could never connect my relationship to a narcissist to these videos but that one sentence single-handedly put two and two together and now I’m CERTAIN I’m in a relationship with a narcissist.

Sadly, my ex would call me all the disrespectful names in the book. He also went as far as to disrespect my father and my late mother. Trying to turn me against my whole family. Then say sorry the next day and it became a cycle. Drained my energy and spirit that I have finally let go. It’s feels depressing but liberating at the same time but I know I will get through it.

@Endtimes88

3 ай бұрын

My friend did that too now deceased I feel I am grieving two separate people

@divyaism007

28 күн бұрын

I relate word to word to what you’ve written 😮

Thank you so much for making me further understand the abusive relationship dynamic between my parents as well as the abuse they have done to me. What feels hurtful is hurtful. We don’t need to over analyze or over think to justify their abuse.

Dear whoever is reading this, I wish there was a way for everyone to surpass the current obstacles or sadness/ stress and let happiness enter your heart! i truly sense and know you will have a beautiful life ahead of you! Nothing in life is ever easy, but what's important is that YOU keep going! Youre worthy of love and happiness, never allow anyone to tell you otherwise! I wish all of you plenty of health and strength during these tough times. You are loved, you are strong, you got this! Never forget that! Sending much Love over from Germany ♥️♥️♥️

@cymbolichuman433

2 жыл бұрын

Keep sharing your big heart!

@TeresaMendosa28

2 жыл бұрын

Another good one by doctor Ramani that I can completely relate to and really is helpful thank you

@bluebelldays7650

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you very much. ❤

@moniquejackson7741

2 жыл бұрын

No matter what happens, I still have life to live, and I'm going to live it well.

@abbeydawes5786

2 жыл бұрын

❤️

Most of the time, their insults are a projection of who they are or what they do. It's not about us, it's about them!

@spiritoftheforest6204

2 жыл бұрын

I've noticed that

@princezzlainey

2 жыл бұрын

Yup

@oklahomaisok

2 жыл бұрын

This is the truth. My ex was ranting and calling names and I told him to look in the mirror when he opened his mouth to calm me names. He stopped and had a look on his face as though I had slapped him.

@Jezzicar

2 жыл бұрын

So true , my ex would say , oh stuffing your face again and the funny thing was , the guy ate way more than I did 🙄

I do feel the little playful jabs and insignificant insults that are constant, daily, repeated disapproval are a means of control.

I’m so grateful to find this KZread.. the insults have been extremely difficult to heal from. It so painful hearing someone you love say such horrible things. I could only take it for two months and left, I couldn’t handle that along with the extreme control, secrets and lies. It’s good to read the comments as well. I’ve done a lot of work on myself and shocked with how far back this has set me.

With my immediate family who are narcissists, I wouldn't say they give out insults like the typical person. But they don't give compliments or affection either 😕 but then to the outside world, they come as charming and friendly. But behind closed doors, they are cold.

@yvancharest9460

2 жыл бұрын

Like you said outside it looks warm and cozy but behind close door it is like inside the fridge

@dakoderii4221

2 жыл бұрын

I learned that when compliments come with the right hand that the left hand is about to drive the dagger in my 5th rib.

@TLW369

2 жыл бұрын

…Relatable.

@davidhinkson8856

2 жыл бұрын

Yes they always put on masks for the 📷. Narcs were wearing masks long before this Covid foolishness!

@pollytheparrot8929

2 жыл бұрын

Same here🙄✋

I ended a 10-year relationship when he told me on Easter morning that my three kids "didn't love me." After years of enduring his insults, contempt, gaslighting; emotional and even on occasion physical, abuse, it FINALLY dawned on me in that moment, "This man doesn't love me." We both knew what he said wasn't true (and he later tried to apologize) but the fact that he would ever say something that awful and hurtful to me was the final straw.

@annickgladzah2272

2 жыл бұрын

He told me , " I swear in a year time your dad will die and none of my relatives will come to the funeral and you will feel humiliated". My sick dad eventually died 3 years after and I left just after that monstruous and hainous declaration. He did exactly what he said, my dad had a befitted funeral and COVID excuse was what I gave as explanation. But I have been so happy since, I have welcome back who I was. NB: those people are sick, he lost his dad when he was a teenager and my dad loves me so much, maybe envy, who knows? They are mentally sick.

@Twofrogs2

2 жыл бұрын

@@annickgladzah2272 Sounds like you and I both had a limit, and their nasty remarks finally exceeded it. I'm glad you are in a better place now. I think, deep down, narcissists are really miserable people.

@shaisoblue7008

2 жыл бұрын

Samething just happened to me ! He told me my kids dont love and i dont love them and ima bad mom Omg ! Crazy

@Twofrogs2

2 жыл бұрын

@@shaisoblue7008 Hope you're not with my ex, LOL! Seriously, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I know it really hurts. You deserve so much better.

@clipsy-tipsy5755

2 жыл бұрын

My parents were struggling to survive and in frustration he called me a slut 27 times and gave a description of how i slept with 10-15 men and I was responsible for my parents' condition and i should f**k my dad and that's why my mom hates me. He cursed my belief system, scarred me for life. Later apologized, begged and asked me to forget everything marry him right away. And I ended then. He kept torturing me, coming back from friends, crashing my home late at night and torturing me will ringing bells at 11 PM. I called his mom and said I am complaining to Police. That's when everything stopped. He even lied and said he was gang raped by men that's why he is broken and needs to fix. (Trust me 3 years or relationship and everytime new abuse, or how his mom poisoned his food, delusional justification after every apology as emotional blackmail). I just walked away and that triggered him . Now I am healing. He crossed the line

You are astonishingly insightful as distinguishing the insults from the ribbing. When you are around insults all of your life, it is almost impossible to know the difference. Your explanation coupled with the examples insults vs. ribbing is not only good for NA but also a general guideline for life. Thank you so much for the work and posting your amazing videos.

I am so grateful to you (and another doctor) for enlightening me about how narcissists treat you. I recently discontinued communication with my mother’s son (we both come from the same gene pool, but I will NOT refer to him as my brother again). I had maintained contact with him for my mother’s sake. No more. I will never allow him to sling his psychological daggers again. I am FREE.

I hold up a mirror… if they say “ you can’t do anything right” I show them who they are by responding “ wow your really negative, and that’s sad” and walk away. What ever they try to project I show them who they are, “ you’re family is really screwed up”, - “ you really enjoy talking bad about other people “ and walk away. Leaves them speechless every time.

@tiffanyjohnson8679

2 жыл бұрын

Yes.

@bluewater5413

2 жыл бұрын

Scribbling sound as I take notes

@vividream98

2 жыл бұрын

projection is such an NPD thing to do.

@CrakenFlux

2 жыл бұрын

Ego boundaries penetrated and disregarded in childhood must be built up again in adulthood, but certainly cannot be done with a narcissist.

@moonhunter9993

2 жыл бұрын

it's called "name the game". the quickest way to shut up the bully. You don't play according to their rules but instead point out why they do what they do.

"Insults, frankly, our the love language of the narcissistic relationship. It's about the narcissist's need to dominate, coupled with ***the contempt that narcissistic people feel for the people that they need***. So, by insulting them, it limits any kind of intimacy and any kind of vulnerability, and also allows the narcissistic person to maintain control, power, and dominance." 🤯🤯🤯

@kristins4494

2 жыл бұрын

@Callie Maud Yes, this explanation is perfect! It's exactly why they insult us, and why the relationship goes nowhere - and why our gut tells us to leave. People who are genuinely capable of love don't insult their partners! It's as crazy-making as it is heartbreaking.

@lovewhitey2027

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly like Stockholm syndrome they Hate U

@tashasmith2245

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah, that hit something fierce.

@sheilalarocque3578

2 жыл бұрын

@@tashasmith2245 same, my heart sank,.... then seemed to resurface with a new light shining on it. I love these moments :)

@ts4686

2 жыл бұрын

This is exactly describes my narcs and how they treat me. EXACTLY.

Sometimes they just say nothing, absolutely nothing. You can and never will hear then say you have done a good job.

@annekerotterdam7499

Жыл бұрын

true!

@ClosetGothic

2 ай бұрын

Absolutely. Dead air. But they will tell others about your achievements so that they gain kudos and claim praise.

This was an amazing talk! It also helped me see how I should talk to others. Insults are not in healthy relationships! This is such an educational and caring video to help people who deal with narcissists in their life.

My "aha" moment with my toxic family arrived because of insults. Every time one of my siblings would say something insulting, I would simply say: "Wow, that was really insulting." After a while, one of my sisters said "we always insult you."The others just started laughing. I just walked out. That was the moment I knew that I had to go no contact.

@BronzeDragon133

2 жыл бұрын

My father used to call me ugly (to this day, I avoid mirrors and don't have any that aren't pre-installed in the house; I have no ability to evaluate my own looks, but on the 1-10 scale, put myself at a 2). My day of freedom finally came when I simply answered back, "You're fat and your business failed due to your own incompetent mismanagement." Both parents started yelling.

@mervyngreene6687

2 жыл бұрын

I have always thought of the perfect reply 6 hours too late. I always sounded flustered and childish. So, I would never have been able to do what you did. Luckily, I started doing what my parents had always told me to do. I simply would not reply. All of my Northern California (Kumbaya) therapists had insisted that they were wrong. I went through all of these "role play" sessions to learn what and how to discuss how their insults made me feel. When I came back and told them what my sister had said, they didn't believe me. I must have misunderstood. That's when I ended contact with them.

@helenfitch3440

Жыл бұрын

💕

@arnekgriswold9059

Жыл бұрын

Right, because they knew and were conscious of their behavior and comfortable with dumping on you.

@lalani888blue

Жыл бұрын

I know exactly what you're talking about...Good for you!! 👍👍👍

"...the contempt they feel for the people that they need..." That is so on target!

@carolinekanini-in9cw

Жыл бұрын

Fucked up personality

Thank you for sharing these videos. I have not been able to find affordable therapy in my life, and I watch these videos and follow quite a few other psychology docs. It really is helping reorganize things in my life. Recognizing the traumas, some I have processed, some I am not sure I ever will. I just really want to thank you for the help you offer via putting that knowledge out there for us to process and learn from. You are a gift.

"You kids will never amount to nothing" words spoken by a malignant narcissist with an eighth grade education.

They call you idiot, stupid, spoilled brat, immature, crazy, ASH....it is awful, and they don't do it once, they do it over and over again, also accompanied by sarcastic and mean jokes, passive agresive comments, mockery💔 At the same time they claim to love you. It does not make any sense, that's the ultimate gaslighting, confusing💔 Those who truly love you don't treat you like that. Nobody deserves to be insulted, abused. Thank you for this Dr. Ramani💕

@bhanuiyer5159

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly! Every single word applies to me.

@liudmilaaleagaaguilera8876

2 жыл бұрын

@@bhanuiyer5159 Yes, not easy. Those are words that are very hurful, and they know what they are doing when they use them with us💔. Educational and validating videos like this and all of Dr. Ramani's videos are crucial for healing. We all deserve true love, respect, kindness, empathy, and healthy relationships. Thank you for the reply, I wish you all the best💜

@bhanuiyer5159

2 жыл бұрын

@@liudmilaaleagaaguilera8876 you too. Wish you the very best. I am still reeling with what happened to me. Hope you came out before things got worse for you. Or have a plan to come out. 💔

@liudmilaaleagaaguilera8876

2 жыл бұрын

@@bhanuiyer5159 Yes, I'm out, thank you. It took 9 months to heal, but it is possible. There is hope💜

@abstract3213

2 жыл бұрын

Same here, exactly as you describe. They'd say they don't do it on purpose and continue doing it. Complete asshole. I'm never again allowing such people in my life. :)

I've learned that I attracted narcissists because of my own self hatred and self disrespect and grew up seeing men do that to my mom. Your subscription helps me so much. Thank you

@timothydraper3687

2 жыл бұрын

Good work on your journey.

@athenasuperheldin1017

2 жыл бұрын

Hello Tammy, we never ATTRACT narcissists. Narcissists go to everyone but only stay where they are tolerated. The only reason we tolerate them is because our upbringing or our parents made that type of love our comfort zone we decorate with the red flags we have made a habit of collecting. You don’t attract narcissists, you have just been conditioned to tolerate them.

@tammynelson1849

2 жыл бұрын

That's great feedback do you have videos on conditioned to tolerate narcissists and how to work on that

@timothydraper3687

2 жыл бұрын

@@athenasuperheldin1017 I gather there can be qualities which they seek out, too, like being empathetic, and willing to listen, and positive in a liking to build others up kind of way, which are qualities which feed the damaged ego in narcissists, but you're absolutely right about not tolerating them being the thing to learn, which patterns to look for towards 'zoning them out' of one's life.

@vixxcottage

2 жыл бұрын

Tammy narcissists look for and target people that they can use. This is how they operate. When they can not use you they move on but will do everything to control you. They will actually drain you and steal your self respect. They know how to discover people they can prey upon.

Thank you Dr Ramani, your videos are so helpful. Also when you talk it feels like getting the emotional compassion i never got as a kid. Thank you

I’m dealing with this right now. Thanks, for reminding us what’s normal and what is not.

My ex was unbelievably ruthless when it came to the insults. He knew my insecurities and just tore into over and over. My weight, how I dressed, my hair, how I did my make-up, even my vehicle, and the color of my nail polish, he hated everything about me. He would tell me I’m lucky to be with him because he could have his choice of any thin, gorgeous, independent, well educated women he wanted but yet he chose to “slum” with me and I should be grateful for someone as talented and successful as him.🙄 I put up with him for far too long. Enough was enough. Ended the relationship and went no contact. Never been happier. The peace I’ve experienced after being in a relationship with a narcissist is priceless.

@lynerichard5306

2 жыл бұрын

This is my ex-husband. But he alternated these insults with days of putting me on a pedestal for my intelligence and my looks. He was always comparing me with other women and telling me I should dress and act like so and so.

@annsam2111

Жыл бұрын

You did well. I cringed reading your comment. Stay no contact 🙂

@LevonAllen13

Жыл бұрын

Trust- he’s much happier!!!

@BM-tx2ph

Жыл бұрын

Im so sorry you had to go through thar..I can feel your pain through the screen

@user-xc5bz3np4g

Жыл бұрын

That whole put you on a pedestal and then knocking you down! I realized why he had me suspicious and jealous of other women- he was trying to separate me from anyone willing to listen and help. “You’re not like all those dumb --‘s! You x y z!” Absolute red flag.

The one thing I learned from my narcissistic relationships is that I gotta love myself more. Be firm in my truth and not cave. I’m ok with giving up my “man card” or “black card” if it means I get to be myself. I’m choosing me.

@dinos9607

2 жыл бұрын

What is a man/black card?

@williamconklin7987

2 жыл бұрын

Man its crazy how you don’t realize your in this type relationship till it hits you. I trying to find myself as well and love myself. Keep doing you bro

@marysmith861

2 жыл бұрын

I hope your next relationship is a good one.

@sherenesherwood2314

2 жыл бұрын

Bless you. Narcissists are vampires. They are not fully human.

@samdavies2544

2 жыл бұрын

@@dinos9607 I'm guessing Ash is referring to the No True Scotsman fallacy. You're not really a man if X, you're not really black if Y.

Thank you, Dr. Ramani. You have been so generous with sharing of your time and knowledge. May God bless you.

Thank you, Dr Ramani. I stumbled across your channel some weeks ago and you are so concise and easy to understand. You help me feel centered and not alone. All the comments prove that I'm far from alone!

Everyone has the right to be treated well. Do not let ANYONE take that from you..

Dr. Ramani, thanks for: "Healthy relationship is a safe place."

@scottsthaname1

2 жыл бұрын

Reasons I never wanted to go home as a child...

@clogs4956

2 жыл бұрын

Reason I never wanted to go home as a wife...

@ruebencristobal7790

2 жыл бұрын

You ladies love a narcissist

@lisbethsalander1723

2 жыл бұрын

@@ruebencristobal7790 The ladies were hoodwinked by gaslighting groomers!

I now understand what kind of traumatising relationship I was a part of. My ex consistently insulted me, abused me and my family. and used the information I shared with him in vulnerability against me. So glad that I am finally getting the closure I needed - that they were a narcissist and I couldn’t do anything about it.

Dr Ramani, you have a soothing, comforting way about you that helps me feel better. Right now, I have two family members that aren't talking to me, my father and my son. They won't communicate with me at all and it's frustrating. I have to accept there's nothing I can do about it. I focus on people who do want me in their lives but that circle is small. It's so hard to trust. But on a completely different topic, I'm 56 and carry a backpack for a purse. It's just the practical thing to do.

"Don't take things too personal" or "you just can't handle criticism", we've all heard those before. Don't even bother engaging, it's not worth your time. Stay safe and stay healthy.

One of the biggest lies in a “healthy” relationships is that “ love means never having to say your sorry”.

@yosepugalaxyuser1823

2 жыл бұрын

pure knowledge

@jaifyre702

2 жыл бұрын

I was recently humiliated by my soon to be ex husband while I was on the prayer line. Instead of saying an apology he hit me with divorce. I have never said yes so fast in my life. I'm praying it will happen quickly.

@cindydowning2141

2 жыл бұрын

Always…

@heidicrimmings9615

2 жыл бұрын

Love means being ABLE to say I'm sorry...

This literally was shouted at me two hours ago. It involved rain and my husband wanting me to lay a tarp down to protect something. But I knew the rain was ending in minutes because I was monitoring the radar. And besides, “he can lay the tarp down if he’s that worried.” After much yelling (that ignored) he made a stand and screamed, “Get the tarp , get the tarp, GET THE TARP BECAUSE NOBODY LIKES YOU!!!!!” So bad. But so funny. Of course I burst into peels of laughter which only further enraged him…which then prompted the ever-popular show closer: “Everyone hates you!!” Followed by a dramatic exit and door slam. Wish I’d have filmed it. It was sick.

@ruthlessruth4197

10 ай бұрын

Okay, but are you still there? Or you've left the relationship?

@SPCH0

7 ай бұрын

2023: Hoping you will figure how to recover & how to be independent & free from anyone!.. Keep your Spirit up! 🗽- But be aware that you might have to know when & how to leave safely!... Take Care of yourself - Get the right Support with the right people!... - Keep Luck & Good Care of Yourself... ( Remember: Laughing is worthy for a very short time! ) - It might be more 'dramatic' sooner than you think!..

@c.eb.1216

4 ай бұрын

I heard a mother say this to her two year old at a Panera once, among other abusive things, and I still feel awful thinking about it. She was dressed like a respectable career woman, so the poor kid is probably still getting abused by her. The kid was being normal kid noisy. I was studying there, but I hadn't even looked up from my book (except to glance when she went off) or felt irritated. I just couldn't believe it. A two year old! 😭

@sarahs.9678

Ай бұрын

I have a two year old and can’t imagine anyone, much less myself, saying that to them. How insane!

10 out of 10, as always, from not only the best "shrink" on the Net but also a fellow survivor. With deepest respect and many thanks, Doctor. You're simply the best.

There's this trope in movies about an old person being abandoned in a nursing home where their kids never come to see them. It's usually a commentary about "rotten kids" not loving their parents. Now, I have to wonder if those old people are narcissistic parents who are reaping what they sowed.

@misspad7282

Жыл бұрын

I worked in assisted living and I wondered that also.

@jenp7302

Жыл бұрын

Yes… they are reaping what they sow. Most normal people will be kind and loving to their parents, if the parents were also kind and loving.

@mammabearfindout

Жыл бұрын

yeah,abusers die alone in nursing homes.

@sumonjamal1653

Жыл бұрын

When my dad died, no one even knew when he died in his room... he had been gone for hours before my mom came home and found him. He had pushed everyone away - his kids, his loved ones... it was a miserable, lonely death that culminated in 14 years of Parkinson's and 40 years of apathy, neglect and abusive behavior. He got exactly what he deserved. And my mom was his enabler of bad behavior for 30 years after she had married him, while he was still married to his first wife, mother to his 3 kids! And now? Nobody wants anything to do w/ her because she carried on his pattern of poor behavior, judgmental attitude, lofty expectations and just hurtful demeanor... Some people act like their kids are supposed to eternally ingratiated to them, while treating them like disposable minions. And she wonders why I can't stand her... It took me a long time to realize that my parents' misery had nothing to do w/ me... They were just unhappy and unable to find satisfaction w/ anything by themselves, so they took their own frustrations out on their kids.

@Jukeboksi

Жыл бұрын

My dad went in for a heart bypass surgery, he could've died. Didn't even visit the guy. I dream of choking him to death with a pillow once he's on his death bed, spouting "How does it feel to not be able to defend yourself, motherfucker?"

“ something is wrong with you“, “ you need help“ those are the two I got all the time. He just wanted me to feel bad all the time.

@painolivesis

Жыл бұрын

I was trying to bring up some issues asked when we could talk. I know he is working he is busy, I understand and I pull myself back. He used to dismissed my feelings and always told me he has no time to deal with the issues. Yesterday he called me Mental and always being told that I'm crazy! I'm walking away and say nothing because he always make me feel bad, belittling me. I was having a hard time to let him go and hoping he will change. I guess now it's time to break the cycle

@thumekamvelase8051

Жыл бұрын

He would say that to me as well."you need help woman get help". That is his words

@mindysmith3683

Жыл бұрын

​@@painolivesis 26 yrs with mine . He don't change , well he does beat me too.

@MayPhoenix

Жыл бұрын

"Let me say this slowly so you can get it through that thick head of yours..." That was one of my narcissist's favorites. Any insult to my intelligence.

@angelbabyprincess

Жыл бұрын

“bitch you got problems” almost every other day

You are a wonderful counselor you explain without insult I was in a really bad marriage with a narcissistic person and I used to think I was just it good enough the fights and arguments towards the end it became physically abusive but those words hurt so much I tried to end my life and at that point I was grateful for the physical abuse bc that was too far and I was leaving but what I didn’t realize until I went through lots of therapy was just how damaging the verbal abuse was and that I was guilty of doing it to family members as a way to cope and say I’m not abused I’m a tough person I can say and do anything which is so damaging and that’s how cycles continue today I am not the same person I have healthy relationships with my family and I am grateful sometimes I watch you and am grateful for being able to recognize those behaviors and am able to cope with situations without guilt what a relief 🦋

Thank you for this video, I just realised that my job is not worth it anymore, I'm leaving, I'm not being treated like an emotional punchbag anymore, I am not making my home life miserable anymore because I'm depressed or crying because of what happens at work, thank you so much!!! I literally feel like a weight has been lifted, because this was a decision I couldn't make until I saw this 😊❤

@mvbigmagic4048

5 ай бұрын

I left two jobs that were full of upper-level narcissists. I had always been harshly reviewed at quarterly interviews, but when I told them I was quitting... Woo-ee! They begged me to stay. I left, and I noticed they've not been able to find anyone to replace me for the past three years. Don't let them abuse you at work. I'm now self-employed and I make a ton less, but I'm so happy not working for hypocrites anymore.

@mrsrimskie5493

5 ай бұрын

@@mvbigmagic4048 I left that job its difficult to explain but I had two jobs that were connected, (carer) the woman who I worked for bullied me out of that job and she continued and has now lost me my other job, she started putting complaints in about me, telling lies to other bosses, and instead of even coming to me and either asking me to confirm or deny they just sacked me with no notice, so it's now in the hands of my solicitor, I have amassed all text messages voice recordings etc of me being bullied and abused that they didn't know about, now I'm going to kick their ass in court 😉🤣👍

My husband of 30 years finally gave me an insult that was the final straw. I got my four year degree in registered nursing from Cal State University Chico twelve years before I met my husband. One night late in our marriage we went out to dinner with a couple and I told them where I went to college. When we got home he said to me "Don't you ever, ever, ever tell anyone ever again you went to Chico State. It's embarrassing." That was it. I shut down after that and now he is my ex. I could't believe he felt that way. Of all the insults and verbal abuse that one will stay with me forever. By the way he went to USC so he thought state universities were for bottom feeders.

@pollytheparrot8929

2 жыл бұрын

Gud for u.. Thank god u left him.. God bless u❤🙏

@koolbeans8292

2 жыл бұрын

Deborah I’m with you. You never saw it clearly but when you did! I got my chiropractic dr’s degree at age 40. The parents call it a “piece of paper” and how it made me become arrogant and better than the rest of the their kids. With that encouragement they are not in my life going on five years. Took me 60 years. I worked on my “SELF” as you did. Keep it up. Stay on these channels and keep helping others. You DO MATTER!!

@JS-uk4mn

2 жыл бұрын

Oh wow. I'm glad you are out.

@WampumGirl51

2 жыл бұрын

@Douglas Farshtey Thank you for saying that.

@lovewhitey2027

2 жыл бұрын

Beautiful 🗣Frame your diploma in gold from alimony 💰🏆Love Karma

Yikes. I lasted 27 years with my ex. She did nothing but insult me. Constantly. From 'stinking up the house' by toasting my oats in the morning to never being able to be home on time for dinner because she kept making it earlier...to mowing down my raspberries, telling me I couldn't cook (I worked 12 years in fine dining), making sure I never earned enough by spending more than I made, and laughing at me when I sold my first book (Macmillan, 1996. She said "They won't pay you" as I stood there with a bottle of champagne). She hid bills to make sure I didn't pay them on time. She spent most of our final Christmas eve telling everyone that I was drunk...I cooked for her entire f-ing family getting up and out at 8 am to prep everything for cioppino that I made every year so they could enjoy each other's company. She spent years telling everyone I was 'afraid to fly' and somehow took 55 plane trips the year I served her papers, at least 6 of which were to Europe. I didn't want to fly with her. She always wanted to come home early from vacations. She didn't have a job and she didn't pay for it. I wish I'd known more, and my marriage would have been much shorter. But I am not sad about where I am now. I can just barely remember her. My cats, my house, my life, my effort...I remember everything except her. This good doctor won't say it, but I will. If you are all in with a narcissist, end it. The best thing that ever happened to me was in a counseling session where the psychiatrist said "here is your homework. come back next week with a reason why you are still in this relationship." I couldn't think of a reason and I never went back. He taught me all I needed to know.

@deanamcdougall7192

Жыл бұрын

good for you,keep your head up

@misspad7282

Жыл бұрын

It's too bad you didn't leave sooner, but at least you did and I hope your life has been full of happiness since.

@thebookdoc.writing.and.editing

Жыл бұрын

@@misspad7282 Actually I did leave sooner. She found my car at the motel and started dropping by for 'fuckstops' um, and intentionally got pregnant. I was stupid, granted, but I paid for the next 20 years.

@remove574

Жыл бұрын

You learned how to make yourself happy. There is nothing nicer than choosing how to live your life 👍👍

@thebookdoc.writing.and.editing

Жыл бұрын

@@remove574 I guess my point would be to encourage people to be more proactive.

Dr Ramani is very clear, no mind numbing preludes bf the good stuff. I appreciate all of her insights on sensitive topics.

I’m in a very long term married relationship with a horribly narcissistic person with a terribly foul mouth and who bad mouths me to my face most of the time and when I confront him he says, “But I really try to be nice to you but it’s hard.”

@GnosticJuggernaut.

8 ай бұрын

Leave them asap. No one deserves that. I'm watching this video to learn more about a narcissist. I just left my wife of 10 years because of the way she treated me. I'm so much happier now. I just kept hearing from my friends that she is a narcissist. So I'm watching some videos so I can steer clear from another one. So please understand you don't deserve his abuse. Life is to short to be treated badly. I realize a narcissist will never change and will never love you like you love them. I wish the best for you, remember only you can change your situation. Good luck

@clairevandenberg8204

23 күн бұрын

Go on strike and leave a bill attached to everything you do in his interest or to Keep the peace. If you don’t have a bank account or income of your own, start one. No matter what you have been trained to think by this person, you have skills that have Value. I left after twelve years and everything was in his name. I got a job at 63 after being on disability for 7 years. I bought a car for cash, built credit slowly and got out. It took for tries and Just as many years. Only you can start your own recovery. I had a boss like this too, and I told her off and found another job where I was treated fairly and with respect. If you need help, go to Social Services because you are being abused . They have counselors who advise us and Yes, we are considered battered women!

When I disagreed with my ex husband, he would actually SCREAM at me that I was insane and needed a psychiatrist. I made an appointment with my health care provider to discuss this, and he gave me a written note that I was absolutely sane, a little quirky, but sane.

@sandwichsteen

2 жыл бұрын

Same here, a girlfriend kept insisting that I go see a counselor for anxiety and various problems and when I did, the counselor was just like, why are you here? And she confirmed that I didn’t have any sort of anxiety disorder.

@dr5117

2 жыл бұрын

@@sandwichsteen I did have anxiety (gee I wonder why) and he played it to the hilt. That was his answer to any mood I would have, etc, telling me I was crazy Sometimes I would laugh at him and walk away, and he said that proved I was insane. And you should have seen his screaming tantrums Who's the crazy one????!!!!.

@cyndimoring9389

Жыл бұрын

same here. My son's wife is a vulnerable narc, and I've done/said enough things that she ( a psych major) finally insisted I get therapy. My therapist said I was fine but probably should have joint family counseling with my son and his wife. My son exploded at that idea.

@kateball7587

Жыл бұрын

LOL!!!!

@ultimatenehal

Жыл бұрын

Yup I was told to see a psychiatrist as I stood up against someone who is not use to hear no. No matter what I always apologize and I said no to an apology as it was for my baby girl. I told that person your buttons and trigger don’t work as god is watching and your deeds are not dodged. That made that person angry and even scolded me that only reason she is their with me because I am agreeable and if I am going to change then it’s time for me to go

The mighty narcissist who made my childhood and youth a hell had become a cranky old man with hemorrhoids who is not even loved by his children. Time spares no one.

@narcissisticabuseawareness3607

2 жыл бұрын

That’s my dad as well! Fool who prepared me effectively for abusive adult relationships. What father does that to a daughter? I have zero respect for he

@bettyford1524

2 жыл бұрын

@@narcissisticabuseawareness3607 It is not yet too late for us to change things and live a good life. Cordial greetings wherever you are.

@MJ-qb5ph

2 жыл бұрын

I hope this experience is mirrored in my family. Bless

@bettyford1524

2 жыл бұрын

@@MJ-qb5ph I hope you can manage to get away from them and live a peaceful life with good people around you.💕

@MJ-qb5ph

2 жыл бұрын

@@bettyford1524 thank you Betty. Bless

Thank you for this channel . Nice to hear you Doctor Ramani ❤

My ex told me I was a narc. I actually thought she was a narc. I feel like once a relationship is reduced to toxicity by insults, fighting, etc, it’s really easy for someone to think the worst of the other person. I’m not saying there’s no such thing as narcissists, I just think the term is used to loosely these days. People want to assign a label to issues that are complex and hard to figure out.

@ArXivExplained

Жыл бұрын

agree fully

@SPCH0

7 ай бұрын

2023: A relationship is supposed to go smoothly, in a comforting/supportive & solid manner... ⛓🕊 There could be some darker zones where people don't understand each other but it is supposed to be taken care of when the relationship is at stake; staying in an inequitable, power struggled relationship can cause harm to both sides... When in doubt, it is always good to get advice before leaving it. And mostly, some people with this 'narcissistic personality' would have to be 'professionally diagnosed' - and as many won't get any 'help' - much damage can be done to their 'love ones'... Keeping it 'private' as it becomes 'insanely' toxic is not the answer... Being a narcissist (or not).. If this comment can help both sides... Gladly 'honored'!.. - Blessings to you all!...

"You're too sensitive." No, I like who I am and don't care to change this trait, even if I could.

@WePlayKaylaPlay

2 жыл бұрын

Facts. You are just capable of fucking connecting with ppl and giving a fuck

@whale2269

2 жыл бұрын

Felt this ❤❤

My ex husband is a narcissist. I had self esteem issues. He played on that. He would cut me to shreds with his words. In the end I found out he was jealous of me. He worked on my kids and now they all hate me. It took 15 yrs of me trying with 2 of my 4 children. They don't talk to me anymore. I have finally accepted it. It's awful. Narcissists will hurt their own children to hurt a spouse.

@anotherpotterhead1201

Жыл бұрын

That sucks, I hope you get them back one day. If you have their number, maybe try sending them videos like this.

@RobertMJohnson

Жыл бұрын

your kids that don't speak to you must be narcissists, also.

@jordanferguson2254

Жыл бұрын

Why would she want easily swayed people back in her life though? They're volatile or fair weather fans, which means they are unreliable and will never genuinely care about you. People who actually love you don't abandon you.

@suparnasaha1869

Жыл бұрын

Yes.. they can do anything to save their skin …. to constantly blame others for their own faults… n they can go to any extent to get cheap reputation .. when at heart , they are not at all that good or sensible… n last but not the least .. they can act too carefully so that people do not realise their actual face..!!

@emmalouie1663

11 ай бұрын

@@anotherpotterhead1201 it's possible they really don't want to speak to her for a good reason

This video is so helpful. I just got out of a relationship and I've really been trying to make sense of it. She would insult me and say "I should be able to say anything to you". I would tell her that's not how a relationship works but she would do it anyway. She also called me the narcissist. I didn't even know what a narcissist was before she said that but I'm glad she said it. That put me on a journey to understanding them and come to find out she was the one who is. That abuse led to some mental and physical issues for me. It was traumatizing. If you're reading this and you're involved with a person that's treating you this way. GET OUT! I wish I had understood these things sooner.

@mindysmith3683

Жыл бұрын

Been with my husband 26 years. Right now my eye is all bloody. I was happy painted my nails . He hates me 😊.

It’ great to hear this so clearly from someone who we know who really cares about people with experience with narcissists. The family members where I grew up believe it’s proof of our closeness that they make fun of my appearance and my weight. I never dared to show them how hurt I am because they would have enjoyed it as well. Funny that my ex husband did the same to me. I needed so much time to shake that all off. But today as I went shopping and tried something on, all the voices came back. I think I would watch this video again😢