The videos I make are topics suggested by you the viewer. Feel free to suggest any mental health or psychology subjects you'd like me to cover in future videos. Just a reminder though, these videos are not a substitute for support from a mental health professional.

Approximately a year ago, I became aware someone I've known for almost 70 years is a narcissist. About six months later it was made clear to me that my mother had been a narcissist too! When I was about ten years old, I began taking care of my mother's feelings, (at her request). No child should have to take care of an adult's feelings! I'm 84 and I'm learning, and with God's help I'll continue!

@sashimi879

2 жыл бұрын

Hope you live a good and meaningful life. Take care.

@---kx1xc

Жыл бұрын

Yes, with God's help :)

Here's an analogy for you: It's like a one way emotional booty call. The scope of the parent's emotional involvement with the child is to share emotions in an inappropriate way to the degree that the child is carrying the emotions for the parent, but the parent fails to control their own needs in order to help the child learn to regulate their emotions in an appropriate manner. The child helps the parent process their emotions and relationship issues, but the parent rebuffs the child's requests to help solve their relational issues and emotional conundrums. The only way the child gets to share emotions with the parent is when the parent is needy, but must bear their own emotional confusion alone. Because the emotional life is so internal and personal, the analogy is made to incest. The parent has no business demanding that depth of intimacy from a child, children can't process an adult's emotional experience and it starves the child of learning how to satisfy their own emotional needs, which is parental neglect and abuse.

@DarrenFMagee

3 жыл бұрын

That's a good analogy. Thank you for sharing.

@sixthsenseamelia4695

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for an explanation to the meaning, I've not heard of this term before. 👍

@lydiarosebrita4901

Жыл бұрын

That's an amazing explanation!

@aaliyahscott9523

Жыл бұрын

Its really sick if u think about it. Its even more dangerous because there is no physical contact. Its like having someone keep you in chains with their behaviour and you have no way of detecting it until you learn about it. And they can even deny it because they dont “physically harm you”

@PixieCropCircleDuster

3 ай бұрын

Yeah Effing A +! Exactly! Best Analogy Ever! The trained compliance & cognitive splitting on par with Norman Bates in American Psycho or Stephen King's "Carrie" can create a very dangerous offender that's unaware that they are unaware and will go great lengths to deny the boundaryless nature even going so far as to pretend to have free will to avoid holding the caregiver responsible and causing shame....all coercion...and the more passive aggressive the more dangerous. Great Channel! Great comments! Thanks so much for this ❤

I pray for the healing of people who have suffered this.❤

wow, story of my life. I just learned of the term emotional incest today. My dad always treated me like I was his partner. He also made me feel really guilty about moving away from home for college (he used to say women don’t belong in college anyway, and I’m not smart enough) and after that I moved to live with my boyfriend and it’s been 4 years since then and he still tells me that I’m living a sinful life because I’m living with my bf before marriage. He says I should have stayed living at home with him until marriage. I had dealt with years of him telling me everything (but never talking to my mom about ANYTHING), taking me everywhere with him, sexualizing my body, touching me inappropriately…. my mom still mentions how my dad tells me everything but never tells her anything. She used to use me to communicate with him. If she wanted something from him I had to get it out of him. by being super sweet, reading his emotions, walking on egg shells essentially. If I ever said no to him or misbehaved he would spank me badly always until I was sobbing. He would never stop hitting me until I was crying. some rare times he punched me with a closed fist. Because of this I’ve become a people pleaser, I grew up with a bunch of anxiety, I have difficulty saying no. I had a hard time socializing with others growing up. I had no idea who I was until I was an adult. I have always wanted to be a mom but I do worry about repeating the cycle. I try to be extremely self aware.

My dad depended on me emotionally since I was a child. I distanced myself as I moved through adulthood but never could quite cut the cord. Now he's dying of cancer and it is chaotic to say the least. The expectations he has on everyone are so unrealistic and he's pushing everyone away. I've done so much work to put boundaries between us but it's gut wrenching to see him suffering and be powerless to help.

@rafeeqwarfield9690

Ай бұрын

How did things go for you?

i relate to pretty much all of these but the point about persistently worrying about my parent is the one that has ruined my life the most and you're the first person I've seen mention it in the way that I resonate so that you for making me feel less alone

@DarrenFMagee

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you and I'm glad you found it helpful

@maribelsantana157

2 жыл бұрын

I see you and relate to you. Worrying about my parent occupied and caused my to deny myself so much happiness, and progress. This video is so healing. You are not alone. We know now and that is what matters.

My mother used me from the earliest age to constantly tell me how bad my father was, that she withheld sex from him, that he didn't love me, wouldn't know how! That he was a monster and she only stayed with him "for the sake of you children". As the eldest child and only girl, I felt crippling guilt over this. Though I often wondered why, if he was so bad, she didn't find some way to leave. What a shock in my early 20s to discover that she had been the problem all along and how nasty she truly is (behind closed doors!). I grew up in total shame and guilt, with no idea it was all in her head. I spent my childhood watching her every move and thought, trying to keep her on an even keel. It's no wonder I have suffered such debilitating panic attacks for the last 40+ years. I've always believed the worst could happen at any moment because it did, regularly, as I was growing up. And I feel some degree of shame still that I haven't managed to brush it all off by this stage of my life. She wasn't the only narcissist I had to endure, but was certainly the most influential.

@staceykrech3950

Жыл бұрын

Lots of love to you. You are not alone, your childhood sounds eerily similar to mine with my extremely abusive narcissist mother. Amoung so many other behaviors, she would also share the most inappropriate things about her relationship with our father(whom she was married to, living with and raising us too.) Very confusing for a child. Us kids were often put in the middle of fights, often gotten out of bed to choose sides... because she was "leaving" again. It is very hard to talk about a narcissist mother, even in these support circles. Your guilt and shame is understood. I am 49, have been no contact for 15 years. Strengthened my loving marriage and finished raising my children in peace. Be strong. I now hope to offer some support to others. It wasn't your fault, you are enough.

@yamlwoz

Жыл бұрын

@@staceykrech3950 thank you 💕😍 and I'm so pleased to hear that you went no contact. I wish I had years ago! Now she's 87 it doesn't seem worth bothering. Call me hopeful 😂 I hope your healing continues and you can see your own self worth clearly. My love to you too 💕

@painoftheheart12

Жыл бұрын

This is exactly what I went through! Also as an only daughter. I just remember thinking at the age of 10 that I wanted to be a better husband to my mother.

@justin2morton1

6 ай бұрын

Exact same here

@helenestiernstrand6575

3 ай бұрын

Wow - are you my sister?!😉

"Adults out there be needing therapy, but instead they're having children" meme. I was so lacking mirroring from my parents, that the first time I got the sense that I exist, is when I thought: "Look, you are moving things, you are walking and squishing the grass, you are making some changes in a real world in relating to your surroundings.

This sounds like so many Italian men/ mother relationships. And probably why in Italy most divorces are caused by issues between the partner and the mother in law.

Emotional incest absolutely breaks boys

@deborahmazza8123

3 ай бұрын

Yes it does. I have witnessed it, and it is heartbreaking.

Thank you for this video - very helpful to understand why I feel so angry, and how the anger has manifested into resentment, anxiety, and depression. Also helpful to understand why I've struggled my entire life. Wish I'd had this realization decades ago. I have started distancing and setting boundaries, but it is astonishing how much damage unhealthy parents do to their children. So many wasted lives and unrealized potential.

Mother is a poster child for a la la land denial, helpless, forever victim, always clueless, childlike personality, learned helplessness. They always want something & just a vague help me I’m clueless. No win situation. Manipulation. On & on.

Fear Of The Phone!! I had to ghost my mom bc every time the phone rang it's omg I'm in the middle of something important or fun. Doesn't matter what I'm up to - all progress erased, or party's over.

@Plottoberry

Жыл бұрын

I relate to this so much.

@luisapaza317

Жыл бұрын

Uhm. Yes. My abusive parent could feel entitled enough to scream to me in the amount he would want. The times when I were at a friends party in my youth. I no longer feel like being picked up from parties, or even just being driven to them. Thanks dad.

Thank you for mentioning that we can become good parents. Educating myself and trying my best. No need for this shit to repeat itself

Wow the internalized anger turning into depression just blew my mind a little.

Another thing is that it can cause a person to doubt their future ability to bre a perent to the point where they are scared to have children and sometimes never do.

i remember when i moved out of the house, my mother acted as if her soul was getting ripped out of her....like way over dramatic. It was so embarrassing.

Thank you so much! When I first heard about this concept years ago I just shrugged it off like my parents just had a hard time and who am I to subject them to such standards. After a few mental breakdowns, much self reflection and moving abroad, I see my parents tendency to overshare to a degree where a traumatic memory from seven years ago only just surfaced. My mom had major depressive disorder plus some kind of panic disorder all my life and my life would be a series of 2years happy mom followed by a few months seeing her cry around the house, our dad having the "its happening again yall heres the gameplan" talk, followed by my mom trying to hold on by a thread, crying uncontrollably, asking me if i was scared of her, essentially forcing me to lie to make her feel better. My dad getting drunk all the time, when I was around 12-14 he started sharing things like "if this happens one more time i cant take it i will divorce your mom" that was the basic emotional incest which made me feel responsible for my parents feelings and keeping the family together. though I thought i got the light end of the stick as the youngest and somehow everyone around me was always more fucked up than I was so I would constantly rationalize my pain. Recently a memory got triggered that had been locked away for years an it is absolutely destroying me. so my mom through a weird set of circumstances had to explain to me why I cant touch her butt, but her explanation went "you're 14 now and you're a very attractive girl, ofc I feel attracted to you"???and I always loved my mom and tho my childhood was flawed she was always the biggest victim and my biggest hero and i would spend hours bragging about my mom to my friends. now my whole view of her is shattered in an instant and my brain has no way to make sense of it. shes either my mom and this never happened or the person who raised me and said that is not my mom. man i need therapy, if anybody relates, you need therapy too. i think my tendency to overshare is already clear huh k bye

@amberforgie1845

3 жыл бұрын

Completely relate.

@yamlwoz

2 жыл бұрын

It's hard to stop writing once you're 'getting all of the bad' out of your system isn't it? Completely understand ❤️

@laurawhite4118

2 жыл бұрын

Don't forget the devil gives people thoughts too.discussions in our heads.i wouldn't put to much thought into what your mom said it was probably a fleeting thought.we a have weird thoughts and just don't say them out loud.doesnt mean they ate fact.

@justin2morton1

6 ай бұрын

You're only human love. I completely relate to you and I'm sorry we went through this. I'm a black male. 43 years old

Another affect can be obsessive compulsive disorder

If you're avoidant, you most likely have said to family members - who had a major role in your childhood: "You only accepted me or liked me when I was happy/obedient/emotionless." This one simple statement fits with ALL the core symptoms of avoidant attachment: 1. Being overly self-reliant (and in doing so, you hide your needs, emotions, problems, and acute illnesses) 2. Pushing down anger until it explodes and manufactures the boundaries you crave but can't always ask for 3. Not wanting to burden others with your problems 4. Wanting to fix your own issues to avoid looking incompetent or even getting bullied and teased/mocked 5. Numbing out emotions with self-soothing behaviors that are either totally unhealthy or pseudo-healthy (like getting addicted to working out and healthy eating) Remember ALWAYS this process is all about YOU!!! Not him. He is just a catalyst. Consider, he may be your twin flame. Look into that. After he initiated your trauma, you're now left to deal with and to heal: all that has come to the surface. GOOD! This is a blessing. Albeit painful. A necessary blessing, nonetheless. HUGE-HUGE ENORMOUS gift! Major advice!!! Listen closely!!! NEVER ever ever-ever CHASE HIM. NEVER EVER. He will run further and you will lose yourself more. You are the feminine. You are the divine goddess. You just be and approve (or disapprove) whoever comes along. It's a yes: you meet my requirements, or: it's a no, you do not. Be clear on who you're accepting as a partner and DO NOT settle for less (or you just delay what's actually really divinely meant for you). Accept your struggle, anxiety, fear, sadness. Whatever comes up. It's all human, and in need of your attention. If you push it away, block it, or run from it... You will just have to deal with it later... 1) Put yourself first and foremost! 2) Fall in love with yourself. Be your own dream girl. 3) Rejection is redirection. Embrace the energies of miraculous possibilities. And, Any time you have a painful thought/memory/flashback/worry/belief: 1. Find the belief... 2. Write 11 DISADVANTAGES to having the belief 3. Write 11 ADVANTAGES to having the belief If you can NOT find advantages then that’s EXACTLY why you're stuck!! When you finally see both sides... Your mind will STOP thinking about it 'cause your brain will be rewired. So you gotta keep at it, until you find the positive to the negative... And therefore, ultimately rewire your brain! AND REMEMBER: STOP making it all about manifestation when really, it's actually all about VIBRATION! * I am The Song Of the Universe! * Today is a Miraculous Wonderfully Magical Day! * I am in my New Earth Divine Crystalline Body!

@mackenziemoore4803

22 күн бұрын

Loved the explanation on avoidance. However, I feel the need to inform you that the rest of it is witchcrafty nonsense. I urge to come to Jesus. He can help you with the healing. Twinflames are nonsense. It's evil counterfeit silliness. Please don't believe the lies the devil has told you. May you find peace with Jesus Christ, the one true saviour of the world ❤ many blessings to you 🙏 ❤

The part at the end hit me like a ton of bricks. This was incredibly insightful.

This describes my relationship with my dad so well. Thank you for explaining it so clearly ❤

My tryant of a mother was is like that. I depise her and everything she is. Adoption should be forced when unfit mothers have the potential to emotionally and physically abuse their kids which they have out of extensions of themselves.

I don't think the parent realises the damage being done to the child, even if it happened to them as well when they were young. I think it would take real monster to know the damage and continue anyway.

@startnewtherapy9918

3 жыл бұрын

I would agree, in both instances

@deetheman3508

3 жыл бұрын

It's the monsters that do the most damage to the child. The ignorant can be more easily forgiven

@Linda-pk3fz

3 жыл бұрын

My father refuse to see what her mother did to him. He still sees her as the most loving and perfect mum.. He was the perfect victim because his father was an totally abcent workaholic and they moved every 1-2 years because of his new jobs. Being the only child didn't help either. In my case, I always felt that he had weird and wrong expetation of what a parent-child relationship should be like as he always guilt tripped us when we didn't behave like he wanted, just now learned that this behaviour was has an name and is a thing.. And its probably fucked me up pretty bad.. :/

@darrynreid4500

2 жыл бұрын

Oh, some of these people know that their behaviour is damaging alright, and will go so far as to overtly require damage be manifest to them so they can enjoy it. They'll also see themselves as the victim if increasing resistance into early adulthood and rapidly growing success means the child overcomes the legacy and puts the damage behind them.

@heidiwilhite8011

2 жыл бұрын

Being a witness to this, I do believe some parents do this purposefully. Especially when vengeance is involved to hurt the other parent. I do not know if they are doing it with intent to damage the child but they are definitely not taking the child's wellbeing into account. There is a lack of awareness or concern. I personally believe you choose your own actions. And you have to accept the consequences of those actions. So I would define a parents lack of concern for their child's wellbeing a purposefully and calculated action. Some people just are real monsters.

The thing about the adult child telling the parent that they are going on a holiday and the parent saying "what if something happens to me when you're away?" i had the exact same experience but the roles reversed, when i was telling the parent "i am going to holidays" the response was "Are you sure? What if something happens to you?" implying that as long as i am away she will be obsessively worrying about me and it was like that as long as i didnt proceed with my plans. As long as i follow through with my plans and keep my boundaries i am able to keep a more balanced relationship with my parent.

@helenestiernstrand6575

3 ай бұрын

🙈 My son (now 20 y old) tells me I overprotected him as a child, allways warning him about stuff. 😅Never hindered him though.

8:04 "Everyone else is much more important". Sums up pretty much my entire life until now.

Fortunately I have not dealt with enmeshment but I've watched it firsthand with my husband and his family, mainly his siblings as he is more awake to it. They are stuck at home being the caretaker of the mother (who has a husband). Though my husband gets wrapped up in being "counselor" to his mother, listening to all her complaints about her husband and issues. He finally stopped responding to the marriage complaints, but is hooked in thinking she suddenly is going to change and getting sucked into her talking about meditation, nothing has changed but it gets him to engage with her personal issues because he likes talking about meditation. We are always bound to at least 1.5 hours of her going on about her issues and the whole family playing counselor. The kids were always forced to concern themselves with "mom is sad today" their whole lives. But with my own mother (who comes from 100% textbook narcissistic family, and has separated herself... so she certainly has "narcissistic fleas" aka traits) I could resonate completely with being told negative things about stuff I wanted to do. Like saying something I wanted to do would "be dangerous" or this or that would happen, etc. basically discouraging me. My siblings were not discouraged like me and live MUCH more outgoing lives. I remember considering taking a job in the city (only 15 minutes away) "Why would you want to work there?? The parking is terrible!!" yet my other sibling was totally encouraged to work at a place 2 hours away which furthered their career. Same sibling with their birthday, they wanted to do something in the city which my mom was all for it for them, but if I ever wanted to go to the city it would be so heavily discouraged "Why would you want to go there???" It's craziness. I have other examples but this is at least one where I know the difference between me and my siblings. In adulthood I am mostly fearful of going places or doing things that put me " out there" and am fearful of doing things. The fortunate thing is that I am introverted. Everything I wanted to do in my younger years was too dangerous (it wasn't), bad parking, why would I want to do that, etc. so I always felt like I was making the wrong choice. I would basically only do what she told me was ok to do and needed her advice on everything. I am finally breaking away from that and making my own choices.

Closet narcissism isn't a term I'd heard before. I know you outlined it briefly in the video but I'd like to know more

Can this happen between a father and son? My father grew up without a dad and he constantly looks to get advice from me as an adult now, when I was a child he would dump his emotions on me by venting. I didn't realise the extent of this problem till I started people pleasing and getting taken advantage of by girlfriends.

@DarrenFMagee

3 жыл бұрын

I think it could yes, remember it’s emotional, treating the child more like an adult

@VengefulPolititron

2 жыл бұрын

@@learningenglishthroughtran8540 nice name. and good English

@sharingyourexperiences5305

6 ай бұрын

It absolutely happens between a father and son . My father in law does this to my brother in law & has absolutely crippled him. My husband is currently doing it to my youngest son, makes him the center of his world & he’s my son’s only friend at ten years old . I need to get divorced

Thanks for uploading this

@DarrenFMagee

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you

Good video, I'd be interested in hearing more about closet narcissism

@DarrenFMagee

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your kind feedback and suggestion

Parent wanting to make the kid a partner/companion is not as uncommon. These people are afraid of loneliness, they are themselves awkward friends, they will take from a friend far beyond he/she can give, therefore her or his sole bet is to use blood relationships to ensure they are not abandoned. Know many of this kind😮. Some parenting is not selfless.

Sadly, I've never related to something more. Thank you for this incredibly informative content.

As informative and interesting as always, thank you for uploading this

@DarrenFMagee

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you and you’re welcome

Thank you for this video, Darren.

@DarrenFMagee

3 жыл бұрын

You’re welcome I’m glad you found it helpful

Is this what is also known as a 'symbiotic relationship'...where the child ends up unable to recognise who am I and who is mother/father?

could this be related in cases where the narc doesnt treat the kid like an adult but as an infant ? like for me it was always mixed with my mother, she would treat me like an infant but then also expect me to have the responsibility of an adult and be perfect. weird combination. and yea she would never acknowledge my emotions and pretend i dont have any but i also dont remember her coming to me with her problems cuz shes always been married so she had another p[erson for that lol

Incredibly eye opening… thank you.

Thank you for the information!

Brilliant!

@DarrenFMagee

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much

This was AMAZING

Thank you for this information. I’m on my healing journey and this was really confirming and insightful.

this was a very good video thank you :)

My recent ex narcissistic girlfriend has this kind of a relationship with her youngest son. She constantly triangulated me with the son and used to spend as much time as possible with him whenever I was unavailable. It might be more than emotional incest but is emotional incest at the very least and it is very unhealthy and inappropriate. I had to get away from her.

I was worried I was doing this to my daughter. She's very concerned if I'm upset. Yesterday she came running to me when I swore out load at something happening in the oven. She said I have to come running to U otherwise U think I don't care. I was gobsmacked. I'm always telling her she's not responsible for me and it's ok when I'm upset and just leave me be

the last part was enlightening. i have always wondered where narcissism comes from. well explained.

@SarahBW2893

Жыл бұрын

The Drama of the Gifted Child is excellent on this topic.

Whew!!! You’re a true healer! Thank you for speaking out about these touchy issues. And speaking of “touchy”, can you address the repercussions of actual, sexual incest?

Thank you so much for making a video on this topic, do you have any tips or where to start to break away and build healthy boundaries?

@DarrenFMagee

3 жыл бұрын

You’re welcome I’m glad you found it helpful, and I’ll be making a video on recovery and boundaries etc soon

@Plottoberry

Жыл бұрын

Yeah since I realized this, I think about going back to therapy to (finally) learn to maintain boundaries and increase my selfesteem and confidence.

Damn, my life in 12 minutes 🎯🎯😔

Another well constructed discussion; no doubt this channel provides a starting point for many people who know that things are badly wrong but lack for the lwnguage to put to the patterns. You have described some of the most significant dynamics in my family of origin, where enmeshment to extremes in degree was an overt core value of the tyrannical dictatorship.

@MissSarahGM

2 жыл бұрын

May I ask you how you came to realise the enmeshment patterns? I am trying to understand why my ex boyfriend doesn't connect the dots at 39, he is very close to them and asking for their advice, from the mother to the sister, it's like he couldn't trust himself and doubted me instead. He never had a relationship before me and he had doubts constantly, he was loving but often felt smothered and wouldn't be vulnerable. Not seeing this was his trauma from his overbearing mom. He broke up and I believe his family supported him or pushed him to do so. It's like stockholm syndrom.

great video!

Great video! :)

@DarrenFMagee

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you I’m glad you found it helpful

Ty so much

@DarrenFMagee

3 жыл бұрын

You’re welcome I’m glad you found the video useful

So, when you have an enmeshement mother who exhibits emotional incest. How do you deal with her? How do you set clear boundaries when she won't accept them/?

Many can’t handle the truth & don’t want to know. It takes work & effort to get this & those that feel they can’t take it will avoid this.

6:55 "what do you want from me?" Absolutely! This is often the first thing that pops into my head when people approach me. It feels like people see me as an object to be used, rather than a human being.

My partner's mother while dying, asked him to look after his sister in a very emotional incest inheritance. 😢

guilt absolutely, I still have that guilt deep in me after 30 years about leaving and having my own life as especially my dad really got Parkinson in the slight form at the time I was graduating. That was THE most terrible choice for me

@malovela

2 жыл бұрын

I'm pretty sure my dad unknowingly subjected me to EI. Now he has Parkinson's, and I feel guilty about not moving in with him. So your comment hit me in two ways, so to speak. I'm sorry for you, and I hope you'll get better somehow.

Most of Indian/South Asian culture - deifying the parent/s 😖

Excelente vídeo 👌🏼do you do therapy online? Me and my partner need your help

My brother speaks over me ,stone walls , gets sarcastic, to one up me. He's smarter than me ,however he gets angry whenever I bring up a subject that I've researched. I'm just as open to him bringing up new topics with me.But he's childish and petty malicious spiteful and controlling when we talk.He wants to end conversations on his own terms and have the last word. I've never praised him because he plays by his own rules. He would bring up politics and then shut me down when I gave him my point of view. He acts like he's justified in being nasty and unreasonable ,and doesn't care that the relationship will end. I will limit him to talking about sports,and he won't like that because he wants to hold the moral high ground as the perpetual victim. I see him as the self serving narcissist who has no concern about the harm he's done to me. However , By limiting him to safe topics , we will no longer get into arguments,and he will have to resolve his inner conflicts within himself. I'm not angry anymore ,he's a dead weight in my life who's been toxic without ever apologizing.

Hi Darren, I was wondering if you could recommend a book that might help my dad learn how to treat me differently. He now understands he has treated me very inappropriately, and that harmed me. But he continues to do so now, as if he can't really grasp the root of his relational difficulties. I am reluctant to help him with every single detail of how to change himself, it triggers me. He is willing to read a book or do a course...could you recommend something to help him? Are there resources to help Emotional Incest perpetrators? I think the origin for him is that his mother relied on him emotionally, so it is so normal for him.

@DarrenFMagee

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Angela talking to a therapist could help him if he’s open to it.

Can covert emotional incest begin between a parent and an adult child after the parent looses their spouse?

U nailed my family. It’s important to know so u can unravel

Any ideas on what would happen to the son in a case like this when the mom died?

I was absolutely incredulous when one night at my husband, my mother and I were eating out and my mother said "Well, Mary, someday you might think well enough of me to move closer to me." I was so shocked I had no response. Should I have gotten up and walked out of the restaurant???

@AA-iy4gm

Жыл бұрын

Learn their game, it's guilt tripping, you could have put the responsibility back to her by asking "why, do you need something?", if she says companionship then say that she should join some local groups with people her age or maybe a neighborhood gathering or if she has sisters and brothers, basically it's her responsibility to fulfill her life and not the responsibility of children to be parents' entertainment.

@TheShamuraja

5 ай бұрын

​@@AA-iy4gm Love it 😄👌

Is it possible to experience emotional incest from siblings? My sister is 10 years older than me and she’s told me that she’s had to become a parent to me and my other brothers. Lately I’ve felt abused by her because of how much over sharing she’s done with me since I was very young. I felt my voice was silenced and felt like an emotional support pet to her. Over the years I’ve said things to her like I feel like I feel like a punching bag, I feel she transfers her anxieties onto me. Other things she’s said is she doesnt know if she could go on living if I were to die, if she ever dies and she has children she wants her children to go to me, and she can see us living together( when she was well into her 40s), and asking me if I’ll be the one to wipe her butt when she’s elderly. It’s not until recently that I felt manipulated when I noticed she was not receptive to me saying no to her venting excessively to me. I accused her of being manipulative because I felt I’ve given so much of myself and time to supporting her emotionally and on 2 occasions she cried because I wasn’t giving her a special kind of support she wanted from me.

@destroyraiden

3 ай бұрын

Yes you can have this in any pairing ss or not as well. So your sister who was forced to be a mom to you absolutely can do that. However her telling you if she dies her kids need to go to your I'd not count that is a measure done by parents they want to send them to someone who is trustworthy yet you can say you've never thought or wanted to be a parent and do not feel you'd be up the the task of it and if that did happen and if you did step in on your own accord to take care of them it's only until you find a more qualified relative to take them from you. However you can be dealing with more then one thing emotional incest, projections, and a bunch of other things can co-occur in families with alot of dysfunction & intergenerational trauma. With emotional incest you may also be doing it to others and or have gone along with it in your past either way don't blame & shame yourself it's you didn't know better yet now that you do understand what your doing, why, and then change behavior many of your relatives would also be not taught this & so can't do better. you putting up boundaries is never accepted by anyone just keep going after the huge fight you stage they'll stop and accept you are who you are even if it's a new you they don't understand and may hate. They notice the change yet have no idea why that's normal if you had one of them just up and change you'd be confused too. Some relatives also will never accpt the change being abusive or passive aggressive and so it's like ignore or leave them or keep your boundaries and status regardless of what they say or do. Telling them they're assholes or abusive doesn't work it won't correct the behavior after you told them once or twice and if they keep repeating the xyz they're showing you who they are like my sibling who used me all my life who is now discarding me shows how well she can treat others, ask others, and repair rupture refuses to do that with and her and after 3 years I've gotten to the place of no longer wanting her to use those skills I see her use on everyone else with us as she's showing me she has never cared if I don't fix it she won't so it's unfair to me to fix it again so I will not. this is not a bug, it's a feature if she cared and wanted a relationship with me repair would've happened I'm not the tool she needs right now so she's building her other tool box that's what this is. My family has so much trauma, emotional incest, and abuse I'm learning to separate, heal, and walk away from them cuz in honesty we never were a family & I'm only catching on to that now later in life.

...Leviticus 18: 4--9 "Ye shall do my judgements, and keep mine ordinances, to walk therein: I am the Lord your God...None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness: I am the Lord."📖

Why you talking about my life?

and probably my dad did realize that damage to me despite he didn`t really want me to leave home that is for sure

it was my life.

it seems I had that type of relationship with my late dad

Good video, and I do agree with the closet Narcissist being a proxy for the parent (or for someone else). In some ways, I find myself lucky. Fairly narcissistic upbringing, when I was 19 I didn't talk to my parents for 8 years. After which, learned to create boundaries to an extent (to an extent). However, everyone I get close to has a similar background as mine and most are not as successful at creating boundaries with their parents (hold that term loosely - as my boundaries are still not normal). Seem to be a high functioning co-dependent myself (probably more going on, but that is the working diagnosis from my psychiatrist). Anyways, my current best friend is 49 - he lived with his Mom until he was 40. My ex was a high school drop out, when she decided to return to get her GED and attend college, her mother straight up said "Why would you do that, you are not college material" (still burned in my brain even though it was more than 15 years ago.). That same Mom, when he other daughter started college; the Mom injured her knee and took the other daughter out of college to take care of her - for a knee injury, a knee injury (more than 10 years ago and that daughter is still living with her and has not returned to college). After breaking up with my ex, I had a child with another woman (complete mistake, I was in a bad place. The real victim here is my daughter who is stuck between myself and her mother - I don't argue with the Mom, but I see my daughter maybe once every 2-3 months - and then every week or multiple times a week and then months again - depending on how the Mom values me at the time. Which is not a good situation for her) - the mother who still lives with her Mom (and her twin sister and her kids). Their Mom actively (and in the most obvious way) obstructs their attempts to build a life of their own. Back to my ex-fiance. Out entire relationship her mother hated me, for what I can only imagine was taking her away (which in all honestly my Mom hated my ex for the same reason, which was the catalyst for not talking to my parents for 8 years). At the end of our relationship, her mother had a tally of everything she had ever bought for us (never told us she expected us to pay her back, thought it was a gift). After 11 years, we apparently owed her a little over $4k - things from dinners out that she covered to our part of a hotel room on a family reunion vacation. When my ex moved out, she showed me the hand written tally book and said her Mom does love her because she let everything go. As a side note, roughly 6 months later the mom lost her house and my ex realized her Mom was trying to get access to the money my ex made (after graduating college, thank you). Her Mom like mine had a problem gambling, and she was using her daughters to support that problem. (I forgive my ex, and understand. I do not forget. Kind of like how I can have a relationship with my parents, but they have no control over who I am.).

@brendanthebdog

11 ай бұрын

Oh, how I empathize with you! Those of us who've grown up like this are the only people who know what it does to your spirit. I'm 37, still live at home, and am unemployed. But, you'd never know any of the pathetic details if you met me in a social setting. All the best to you man, hope you finally get to become who you always were!

my madre didnt like that i had discovered her unmasked and told me not to contact them again, so i have not in 3 years, come to find out she had been cyber stalking me, non-stop, like she couldnt get enough of me online. why do you want me to not contact you yet you proceed to watch everything i do? haha. so many things she wanted to know and never got a chance to know, she only got to hear Bible verses and the answers to how awful she was to me. interesting how badly she seemed to need me, i had to hear all her dramas, i had to be her shoulder to cry out, finally im like, 'hey, this isnt okay, i shoudnt know how nasty you and dads sex life is." she so easily just discarded me, although i dont believe it was as easy as she wants me to believe, much easier for me. sad thing is that she wont speak to me face, she'll probably write a letter so when she dies i will receive it, so she can have some type of control over my feelings, nope, not going to work, i already expect it and believe it would be better to make amends now if you truly meant it, not some letter ill find after her death. ugh, annoying.

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

The things that come out of their mouth are disturbing & manipulative to guilt u. Very narcissistic

but cannot say ever struggling with self-confidence or sexual issues I think thanks to developing consciousness by having a chance to watch therapists on TV beginning 90s like definitely decided to leave home after finishing studies

While I apply what you are saying, emotional incest alone DOES NOT lead to sexual dysfunction in adult children. Maybe you just don’t know how incredibly common actual incest is.

@malovela

2 жыл бұрын

It seems to have with me.

@lawrenceedwards3981

Жыл бұрын

I concur, it has with me as well.

@malovela

Жыл бұрын

@@lawrenceedwards3981 I'm sorry to hear that.

@rosie11018

Жыл бұрын

It seems to have effected me that way as well :(