“There’s an inner emptiness like a hungry child who has not been fed enough.”

@sarahmonday8060

Жыл бұрын

And I get the sense this may be the literal trauma, where it all began .. or?

@dominicellis6185

Жыл бұрын

I think these emotive interpretations can actually be grossly misdirective. I’m very glad that people have empathised with this interpretation but the danger is that these narratives can become causal rather than explanatory. What I mean is that he talks about how there’s copious evidence of social dysfunction, and he FEELS (amongst others) that this is the heart of it, in conjunction with BPD being reactive to social stimulus. This is not my experience at all. I am (humble brag.) fucking great at masking but I don’t enjoy it, so I’ve spent months/years both being very social and absolutely alone. For me the periods of mania and depression snuck up on me (unless I was paying close attention) and like when anyone is in a bad mood, something would eventually set me off. When I was externalising this and struggling, but not identifying, the pain, this manifested itself in enjoyment or anger respectively. I found myself forming a protective wall to isolate myself from people as I was socially rewarded for doing so and had a huge aversion to embarrassment. Once I started with more introspection however it quickly became apparent that these were periods of mania and depression, and that the pain I was feeling could be channelled into anger or simply let out. Letting it out was so much harder but felt so much better in the long run. I’m not a saint I’ve fallen back into channelling and admitting defeat to it through addiction, bulimia, self harm all the good fun stuff. Now whatever I was doing, my emotions manifested themselves as a reaction function to outside stimuli, so when I was being social , it would be to whatever someone says; but when I was being antisocial, it would be to politics, games, movies whatever. So understanding a specific person’s experience as a socially reactive condition would make complete sense if they are social, but not if they’re antisocial. Now this video is all good, but if you then go, okay, we need to sort out how you engage in society, then you’ve turned an interpretation into a cause and addressed it as such. This is what finally gets me to this comment they made. I have felt empty so often and so profoundly for so many years. But it is nothing like a hungry child. I can see how one might describe it as that, if you externalise your emotions onto lived experience. But I never lacked for anything, and the guilt of feeling bad anyway, knowing I had no excuse, was a huge problem for me. I did not lack anything; I didn’t need to be given anything. I need to rearrange how I process and react to emotion or hopefully get someone to “fix” my fucking brain. My strong interpretation is that this emotional disregulation creates strong inconsistencies in the OBSERVED self (everyone has them but we see them very clearly) and this is what causes that feeling of emptiness; of being a shore racked by waves. This interpretation has causality for the hungry child hypothesis; if you’re socially observant then you might feel other people have been given something you haven’t - you feel a distinct absence of what you should have. What you believe (very viscerally I don’t mean entitlement) you deserve and need is provably circumstantial, so this makes as much if not more sense than a failure of parenthood to address innate biological needs that have been supposed elsewhere. Although this isn’t the cause. It’s a philosophical interpretation that I think the facts suggest is more appropriate than the hungry child hypothesis because it explains more of the variation. The real cause is neurobiological by definition. Unfortunately no one has any idea what that is as there is no “normal human” so an abnormal one is impossible to define. We feel a distinct sense of wrongness, but that doesn’t mean we can get the basic pill and go back to being perfect. TL;DR don’t generalise, and since BPD is basically just an arbitrary categorisation of human variation, why not just ditch the objective rules yeah?

@lorenzrosenthal119

Жыл бұрын

@@dominicellis6185 so are you saying that the intense variation of feeling make you wonder: "What am I truly at the core?". Is this this feeling of emptiness? Aka: there are only waves but no stable cliff in the middle? A cliff you always feel and can orient towards no matter what?

@adrianhardwick6271

10 ай бұрын

I believe the hitching point for diagnosis is that which is found in the data to be neuro "typical." These types of conventional or neurotypical minds make up most of the tapestry of society and in representing the lion share of the societal thread...these also by default establish the rules by which one may find him/her self successful. So, even though personality may be relative on many levels what brings the abstract into the concrete is the "fitness" of the odd mind to compete successfully within a framework that predates it and subsequently judges it's fitness. Hence the distress of the borderline mind and of all those unfortunate enough to become entangled with it and I mean that from the heart being borderline myself.

@adrianhardwick6271

10 ай бұрын

Also, I would absolutely say that for many of us borderlines, that the analogy of a hungry child was very apt.

The problem with this disorder is that u live with anger for years before being aware of it.

@CircumcisionIsChildAbuse

8 күн бұрын

Anger often turns outward (the world sucks, destroy it) or inward (depression/selfharm) Turning to social pathology or self destruction, addiction, workaholics, etc.

@lijohnyoutube101

7 күн бұрын

While that may have some truth the deeper question is why do so many NOT seek out intense therapy to find answers regarding the anger? Why are so many completely accepting and normalizing of their misplaced anger?

@Lemonz1989

7 күн бұрын

@@lijohnyoutube101 Therapy is expensive. Not everyone has access to it.

@orion9k

6 күн бұрын

The problem with this disorder is that one psychiatrist will diagnose you with BPD and three other psychiatrists will diagnose you with 3 completely different diagnoses. These DSM5 diagnoses are scams, to say the least.

@orion9k

6 күн бұрын

The problem with this disorder is that one psychiatrist will diagnose you with BPD and three other psychiatrists will diagnose you with 3 completely different diagnoses. These DSM5 diagnoses are scams, to say the least.

Had a borderline mother. Been estranged 30 years. Been “in recovery” my entire life, ugh.

@joekrepps

9 күн бұрын

I can relate. My dad was very likely BPD but undiagnosed. My 2nd wife was diagnosed BPD. At 64 years, I’ve never taken a breath without a significant person in my life with BPD. My wife is bipolar as well. …I’m now seeing a therapist.

@MrStrocube

9 күн бұрын

@@joekrepps Sorry, that sounds rough. Best of luck in therapy.

@TarzanHedgepeth

6 күн бұрын

@@joekreppsI’m very sorry for you… I had to say that before pointing out the way you seemingly purposefully placed a comedic pause before your last line…. I’m sorry, it gave me a chuckle

@Empty_Robot

3 күн бұрын

Why can you losers get help, but ppl with bpd are ignored and pushed to the side? Fuck you people.

@modiaz2026

2 күн бұрын

Same. But now I see her more as a Narcissist. I swear she would have killed me once if only she could.

Also a knee-jerk reaction to normal stimulus. Neighbor says, you should mow your grass more often. My mother starts packing to move.

@Clevelandsteamer324

10 күн бұрын

You need healthy boundaries. Figuratively and literally. Good fences make good neighbors

@lijohnyoutube101

7 күн бұрын

Yes! Cereal box accidentally falls out of bottom cabinet and next thing you know they jump on the box, kick it to the base board and swear at it. Then they act like the totally bat crazy reaction is TOTALLY justified!

@B_K69

6 күн бұрын

@@lijohnyoutube101 Youre coming from a place of judgement.

@lijohnyoutube101

6 күн бұрын

@@B_K69 absolutely, after 2 plus decades am just DONE with the immature crap and dysfunctional emotional regulation. At some point as an adult you do the work and fix your crap and stop traumatizing others. And the example was a real experience.

@B_K69

6 күн бұрын

@@lijohnyoutube101 seems like you just need to vent.

one of the toughest disorders to live with. especially when you get older and (if work on self has been on going) you realize HOW MUCH OF YOUR LIFE, has been survival mode and All the Coping Skills you had to use that no longer serve your best self. Then the new norm becomes, Fixing your tool kit to more Mindful, self nurturing and boundary setting and if you’re lucky and have worked your mind numb, You might actually have a good relationship finally. Usually with SELF. ❤

@rfarrow3483

8 күн бұрын

Thank you for writing this. My partner has BPD and I don't see enough about how it is possible for people affected by BPD to build meaningful, trusting relationships - the hard part is building that relationship with yourself first

@suzannebigras7071

7 күн бұрын

@@rfarrow3483 Thank you for staying with your partner. the live/hate relationship is so deep within that unfortunately it overflows into the rest of our lives. He is so so lucky to have a supportive partner. probably scary for him but necessary for trust building and self regulation. Co- Regulation is essential for the person who suffers from BPD . Gratitude and Love to you and yours ❤️

The core of BPD is the defence against the truth that no one in their world essentially loves or even cares about them. This is a devastating realisation for anyone to come to let alone a baby or young child.

@AdzaanMaiiTso

18 күн бұрын

​@@aleciawimer8506what does that even mean when parents are usually the ones who abandon the children first? lol. genuinely, what are you expecting of a child who probably cared about their parents the most (as most children are prone to do because hey, the NEED to be parented) and got left behind. they're not gonna know how to form proper bonds to begin with.

@aleciawimer8506

17 күн бұрын

@@AdzaanMaiiTso You misunderstood me. The BPD parents claim to not be loved, when they are ones that didn’t love their children. I’m sorry that I wasn’t clear.

@HomeFromFarAway

11 күн бұрын

neglecting or "not trusting" a 3 year old is a pretty pathological response for any parent. ​@@aleciawimer8506

@CHANTARELLA

10 күн бұрын

True. I had a friend who is BPD and she idolised her mother who had NPD and basically used her from the very beginning. She was conceived to save an ailing marriage, the mother was depressed and could not interact with her baby or toddler ( I was actually shown a film of her in her crib and the mother had a dead face without affect- maybe because she saw that the new baby did not save her marriage and this also showed that my friend as a baby got little mirroring from her mother) , and then the mother later latched on to her daughter as a surrogate for the unloving husband to avoid loneliness. But to this day my friend with BPD has split off this knowledge and still tells herself that her mother loved her . She went through her whole life with this belief that her childhood and family was normal, splitting off the truth from her awareness. And yeah- she as also very very angry but did not know the anger was against her mother.

@jnavy1999

10 күн бұрын

They destroy all intimate relationships almost punishing people for daring to love them

Alot of people who are diagnosed with BPD get diagnosed with autism/adhd later in life.

@dreamscape405

11 күн бұрын

That happened to me. I'm a super late diagnosed, autistic woman at age 50, and they just slapped the BPD label on me, when some of the traits just don't fit, but some do, because of my autism. I don't feel empty inside, or have a deep fear of rejection, but have the emotional dysregulation due to over stimulation from outside forces.

@DaveE99

8 күн бұрын

@@dreamscape405. I know how a tad about differential diagnosis between adhd and bipolar wich has more to do with if emotions are congruent with contex and extreme vs have a life of their own, but not sure how that differential works with bpd vs autism /adhd because I know to an extent they can at times be coorelated and tech bpd is a higher level diagnosis vs adhd or autism. And in the end the labels are only as useful as the facets and symptoms are to us as understanding what we need and how to better predict us. Dx are just a list of symptoms theories and models. Outside that we kinda have to put ourself together

@doreenplischke2169

5 күн бұрын

Interesting remark. Also a lot of folks claim it’s CPTSD instead of BPD. For sure those as well as ASD level 1 might be present all together. We don’t know.

@sheashells

4 күн бұрын

I got diagnosed both autism and BPD recently. Misdiagnosis can happen but having both is possible. Especially when you grew up with long term abuse.

@joshfrench6426

3 күн бұрын

Autism and ADHD are overdiagnosed

Why is everyone talking about fear of abandonment and nobody is talking about FEAR OF ENGULFMENT, which is essential for the push-pull, idealization-devaluation cycle?!

@stoneneils

18 күн бұрын

Because we forgot about that part when we're alone lol.

@waynepolo6193

9 күн бұрын

Because the fear of engulfment isn’t a _causative_ factor. Quite the reverse, actually.

@cosmingurau

9 күн бұрын

@@waynepolo6193 huh

@waynepolo6193

9 күн бұрын

@@cosmingurau is that a ‘that’s interesting’ _huh_ or a ‘what are you talking about’ _huh_

@LinYouToo

9 күн бұрын

Agree, just as much as the root of the issue as fear of abandonment, if not more so

So spot on, I love how empathetic his description is. It's so horrible how you fear being alone but that irrational fear always pushes you closer towards the realisation of that fear.

@saladfingers.

10 күн бұрын

Beautifully said.

@Portia620

2 күн бұрын

There are worse things than being alone! I feared being alone once and it kept me in bad places. Not scared of that anymore.

When he said "hungry child" that hit me so hard..

@BorderlinerNotes

Ай бұрын

@katrinat.3032

9 күн бұрын

It seems like people with bpd never received the love, care and structure (meaning I can depend on someone being there)

@Padraigp

8 күн бұрын

​@@katrinat.3032well they got fed and housed it would seem. Clothed. Are alive. That's loving. Caring. An inner emptiness is not dependant on outer abundance. The abundance outside them can be there. Isn't that the point of saying its an inner hunger. A lack of care or neglect is an outer hunger. Like if you are actually lacking food that different to always being hungry and ending up obese. Those are two different ends of something. One is an outer lack the other ann inner lack. An inner lack can have all the love care attention structure in the world around them and never be fulfilled. That's why people dont like them cos they're like a black hole. You feed them and feed them and they're still crying for food. With food in their mouths and both hands and obese and still sucking other people dry for attention or whatever.

@janec1489

6 күн бұрын

​@@PadraigpThat's typical of what a narci ssist would say - "you were clothed and fed, what more do you want?"

@Padraigp

5 күн бұрын

@@janec1489 I mean go around diagnosing people with napd if that's what gives you your jollies. But she literally can do nothing about the past except heal from it and have gratitude for what she has. When you have gratitude for being fed and clothed that is very healing. Nobody can change the past. People are imperfect and life will cause you scars. Thats not a weird anomaly on this planet.

you described it perfectly...like a child who was not fed enough...was not given love and acceptance

@katieandnick4113

5 күн бұрын

Very very few children are loved and accepted totally unconditionally. I would say that those who develop BPD are simply less repressed than the majority of people, and so are more conscious and aware of that lack. I may even go out on a limb and say that people with BPD are objectively less traumatized than so called “normal” people, because if they had experienced as much objective trauma as so called “normal” people, they would seem “normal” too. “It’s no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society”- J. Krishnamurti

@Andy-uw9cg

16 сағат бұрын

​@katieandnick4113 do you have bpd?

My ex had it. Terrible. She was desperate to be loved and accepted yet could not do the one simple thing required in any relationship: surrender and share. She wanted all the gain yet could offer nothing back.

@docbrown3139

8 күн бұрын

That’s what I used to think.. until I realized how insanely calculating and manipulative they are. There are a couple of doctors who believe that BPD is actually a different form of psychopaths/sociopaths. They copy the person they are with (also signs of a psychopath) they use guilt and sympathy to get what they want, and once you’re no longer useful to them they will move on to the next target. They lack sympathy, only care about using people, and will use everything against you once you find out how evil they are. If they are jealous of you it’s going to be a nightmare because they will hurt your reputation and isolate you (just like psychopaths do) they are very sneaky. I know a couple of people with BPD and after many years dealing with them I don’t buy into the whole “I’m hurt I need love” thing anymore it’s just an act. That’s why you will never receive anything from them because they are users and energy vampires. I stay as far as I can when I see red flags.

@tiffanyh629

5 күн бұрын

To be fair, when you're a child raised with love being dangled but whisked out of reach the moment you ask for love from your foundational people (like parents, for example), it's almost expected that said child will have trouble trusting love to stay when they grow into adults. Not trying to downplay the harm and grief your ex has caused you but there is a method to their reasoning, even if illogical. She, unfortunately, was not in a place to look inwards even though that would've been her saving grace.

@richcountyratrodsjrod2329

5 күн бұрын

I fill your pain... I experienced the same thing.

@g.h.7661

5 күн бұрын

“Surrender” isn’t a term you should EVER be applying to a relationship with a a real live woman, much less a pwBPD. “Surrender & share” well if ima be honest it sounds like this breakup was for the best & the problem isnt on her end, it’s you’re own! Maybe she refused to support u financially throughout ur time enrolled in the School of Pr@nHu6… Or perhaps she was unwilling to provide u with her phone password after the 2 of u had been dating for 2 weeks? 💀

@Himel_Creeper_Bros

4 күн бұрын

@@richcountyratrodsjrod2329 With you...

NOTES: - Intense unstable relationships marked by idealizing/devaluation due to fears of abandonment & rejection (fear of being alone) - Emotional dysregulation (angry outbursts, mood changes, reactivity to a particular social context) - Emptiness (long standing sense of neglect) - Deliberate self harm or recurrent suicide ideation - Patterns of impulsivity - Lapses of reality testing (paranoid ideas) - Disturbed sense of self (instable identity)

@sarahstracks7137

Жыл бұрын

Thank you ...

@nannygoatj

2 ай бұрын

Don't forget that part of self harm may be unprotected/irresponsible sexual encounters and substance use outside the "norm."

@777ttaylor

4 күн бұрын

Wow, my mother rings every bell on here.

RIP John Gunderson. Truly a giant in the world of BPD research.

@wellepoque

2 жыл бұрын

I’m loving his insights

@sanjaysiddhartha7569

2 жыл бұрын

Agree

@Geshtafshnifka

Жыл бұрын

😱😱😱

@JohnSullivan2003

11 ай бұрын

Was gonna say the same thing but you beat me to it. RIP Dr. Gunderson

@ashleyr.3187

6 күн бұрын

He also got a lot of neurodivergent people misdiagnosed, especially women.

I would like to be a case study to be honest. I know I am probably not that unique but My BPD has changed over the years. I find myself extremely withdrawn, apathetic, jaded, no hope, nothing. I just feel absolutely dead and live just to live. Accepting my reality of having BPD broke me even further at least in my mind it has. I feel like I can not ever have a relationship with anyone because of the rollercoaster ride and the pain I would cause not only to myself but other people. Surely I am not the only one who has gone "silent" internalizing everything, keeping my distance with people in general and especially relationships, and becoming antisocial. It's just so exhausting to exist and all the things I have been through I just don't have the energy. I have been through therapy over and over and there is a point where there is no more fixing anything. This is the best I got. I have all of my impulsive behaviors and harming behaviors in control at the moment. But it still doesn't change how I FEEL, that I would just die and get it over with. I want to point out that a least for me, something that wasn't mentioned is BPD's get OVERLOADED like Autistic people do to where they can't handle everything going on. That is where the anger and irritability comes from. They pretty much have no buffer or coping skills to deal with "normal" relationship problems.

@Lilynite10

2 жыл бұрын

Wow!…Thank you for sharing. You literally have just described me, my journey with BPD. I also am the same. It’s a living hell. Everyday is a bad day for me. Totally withdrawn as well. Live alone, have no friends (lost them all) they have moved on & can’t understand my illness. I’m drained of life force, fought for so long. Also had so much help but nothing works. I have given up. Broke me too. I’m not impulsive anymore, barely leave the house. Can’t keep a job down because of chronic anxiety. My brain now does not even work. Nothing to talk about with people as I have no interests anymore. Can’t feel passionate about anything. Don’t even bother with romantic relationships, not for years now. The emptiness that gets me. Nothing going on inside me. Nothing. Can sit & stare into space for hours. Awful existence & people think your just negative. So much more than that. I just want to die. Don’t have the energy to do it. I keep my life minimalistic. I buy nothing only what i need. I feel like I have it all prepared really. Always thinking about death. Why wouldn’t you?….I get overloaded too. I currently have not left the house for a week. I don’t because just spent 6 years sober trying to heal & nothing has worked. Even got sober for a very long time. I just can’t bare to walk the beach one more time alone. 6 years, around the park or up & down the beach. I can’t make friends cause people think I am odd & weird. So empty. Worst part is I’m 42 now. No children, no partner, no friends & have no talent. Nothing to live for. BPD has broke me. Nothing left of me, literally skin & bone. Some of us have it way more severe than others. I had a lifetime of trauma. People who reflected me back were not good mirrors. Nice to hear your story. Your truth. Mine also. Life is unfair. I believe in nothing. Hard to have faith within illness like ours. Wish you well all the same. I just get through each day. Existing but not living. X

@realmofoz

2 жыл бұрын

@@Lilynite10 I understand at least we know we aren't alone. Don't think it helps much though..other people have no idea the living hell we are in. I do think about suicide but I just don't have the will to do it, even if I'm that far gone already. It's absolute torture. If I had a 100% chance of a effective painless death, I maybe could consider it. I don't necessarily want to die. I just wish that I didn't have the trauma I do, and feel the way I do. Death or a lobotomy seems like the only viable escape from it. That's why do many self medicate and have substance abuse issues and of course actually end up killing themselves.

@Lilynite10

2 жыл бұрын

@@realmofoz I hear ya!….It does help to know your not alone suffering. There are many of us. Again it’s like addiction, mental illness is the same, different levels. When you have an illness bad very tough. Nice to share truthfully about it without feeling guilty or negative. I never talk to anyone anymore about it. Everyone got so sick of me, nothing else to talk about. Now I say nothing. I don’t want to die either. I don’t think anyone does but I understand why people do take there lives. Suffering, mental torture is unbearable. I am the same, always say please at least let me die peacefully in my sleep after a lifetime of suffering. People should have the right to end there own lives though I believe. Nobody should have to die alone & hurting themselves. Think in the future laws may change for people with long_term debilitating illness. I can’t take the loneliness or lack of energy. The mood swings. All day everyday. I thought I was an addict first & then diagnosed with bpd at 38. Looked back & was like oh makes sense. I went through life like the Tasmanian devil! Substance abuse is dangerous. Get drunk & low enough.

@Lilynite10

2 жыл бұрын

I’m still unsure whether it is C-ptsd or perhaps I have both!

@karenhartman9774

Ай бұрын

I’m so grateful for this thread of conversation. My sister has/is bpd. I was greatly favored over her by our father. I ended up with severe disassociative disorder which 4 years in therapy resolved. My sister (only sibling) discards me for years at a time; just Christmas cards. These posts help me feel less bitter towards her for not getting psychiatric help so maybe we could have been friends. I’m sad every day for this loss; for “what could have been” since she is the only one “who knew me when”. I AM the trigger for her pain so it’s probably hopeless.

I have BPD. I was a decent, attentive father. I was good to my spouse, and even went above and beyond in many ways to make sure she was happy. When I was alone, it was like a nightmare that never stopped. Impulsive thoughts that terrified me, and eventually others. When my family was together with me, everything was fine. Like night and day. This has pretty much ruined my life at this point. It's a nightmare that never stops and never has stopped maybe for my whole life. I've really lost hope.

@katieandnick4113

5 күн бұрын

It may help you to understand that humans evolved to NEVER be alone. We are hardwired to be surrounded by other humans that we know and trust deeply, 24/7. When people seem to be very comfortable being alone, I think it’s actually because they are MORE traumatized, and therefore more disconnected from their humanity than people who really struggle to be alone. We are natural collectivists. The very concept or illusion of “self” as an individual probably didn’t develop in humans until around the time we started farming(about 12,000 years ago), and our brains and bodies have really not changed at all since then. The ego is an adaptation to a cruel, scary, isolating environment, but it can never be objective healthy. I do not have any diagnoses beyond anxiety and depression, which I was given in my early teens(I’m 40 now). I attribute my high levels of emotional and psychological health to the fact that I’ve never been alone. I’ve been in a committed relationship since I was 14(not with the same guy, but between two very long term relationships). I also had very good relationships with my parents, who are both dead. I had kids pretty young as well. We need other humans, and anyone who pathologizes you for that need simply doesn’t understand what it means to be human. They are far more “sick” than you are.

@jamesmcbride4806

5 күн бұрын

@@katieandnick4113 I really appreciate that. Staying connected is definitely my advice to anyone willing to listen. I’ve studied psychology to try to understand myself better, tried meditation, therapy, pretty much everything I could to stay grounded. Unfortunately my situation did ultimately get the best of me and as a result, everyone I knew, supported and cared for has come to hate me. I also have no faith in my ability to recover at this point and I have lost the ability to pity myself. Always encourage the people around you with the same advice you gave me.

@tiffanyh629

5 күн бұрын

Gosh, my heart goes out to you. To live in a constant state of nightmare because of the lack of a solid self to ground you when you're alone is horrific. I wish I could say magical words to make it go away but I don't have any other than that I really do hope peace comes to you to give you respite so you can enjoy life

@janetpattison8474

4 күн бұрын

Life was meant to be difficult for most ppl. Pain is the great teacher. For those who decide they’ll escape & leave early, like my sister, they immediately find out they are returning for a new incarnation. There’s a very powerful word, HU, that when chanted daily, can open doors to seeing why we are here, & who we are as eternal soul. The HU chant is on many YT channels, & the one w/ the quotes is great. Ask for spiritual help if u want it. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

@Portia620

2 күн бұрын

@@katieandnick4113yep I’m more traumatized and prefer to be alone! I’m dating after a very abusive marriage and fine if people walk out or eventually ghost and frankly I expect it and that’s why I don’t sleep with men and I’m very guarded who I let into my soul. I’ll kiss and make out with the guy, but even that’s under certain circumstances. Tremendous amount of trauma, put me here. I never really wanted to be alone alone. I hate it being alone now doesn’t bother me. We’re all gonna be alone eventually you get older. It gets more difficult if you’re scared to be alone so get used to it.. marriages nowadays, society out there

I got in a short friendship with a BPD (about 2 years). Almost killed me. The hungry insatiable child is so true. The fear of abandonment actually brings the abandonment about because it makes them very emotionally manipulative, obsessive and violent when they don’t get what they want. They will gaslight you and swear up and down that the sky is pink when you know for a fact that it is blue. They will accuse you of saying all kinds of things you never said. They will coerce you into saying something nice to them such as “I care about you” and they will turn that into ammunition when you don’t do what they want or try and pull away. They will lie often, cry hysterically, threaten suicide, threaten murder… they will do ANYTHING to get what they want. In essence they are very dangerous people. I suffered severe PTSD as a result of the abuse I copped for the crime of being nice and trying to help him out (before I understood what he was he seemed charming but just down on his luck… and I naively believed his BS made up stories and fantasies). If you ever meet one, run for the hills. Or at the very least set very clear boundaries and NEVER EVER allow them to cross… and also don’t allow yourself to cross… they can be very manipulative and they are adept at making you feel sorry for them and as soon as you step over your boundaries to help, they will make you pay big time.

@NovakiSalem

Күн бұрын

100% accurate. One of my first real relationships was with a BPD person. I tried to make it work for seven years and it almost ruined my life. I still don’t think I’ve recovered from the damage or fully healed from it. Cutting her off without warning and blocking them on everything was the best decision I ever made. Been in a healthy and loving relationship with someone that truly cares about me for 10 years now and I wouldn’t have found her had I not had the courage to leave my previous partner.

@WildandFree4

Күн бұрын

I've had Bpd a long time, I've never done any of that to my friends. I could say so much. Sounds like your friend was a narc. Manipulation is not a borderline trait. We are not all the same.. And we are not borderline personality disorder, we are people with borderline personality disorder.

@leonard-shelby-sj2np

12 сағат бұрын

Gaslighting isn't BPD, that's psychopathy

Its crazy the overlap of symptoms between CPTSD and BPD! Key difference is that BPD fear of abandonment typically results in engagement to be seen by others, and CPTSD is shame of self typically results in disengagement of being seen by others because of that fear. Both can isolate, but the fear vs shame motivators of that behavior is the key. As someone with CPTSD with history of childhood neglect, I have often wondered why my sister with BPD and I were so different yet similar. This is how! And also, BPD identity issues are different from CPTSD which is experienced with a constant feeling of shame/unworthiness inside and dont have the desire to attach to different senses of identity, rather it is hard to break from my own unworthy identity. Additionally, i do not experience the extreme idealization/demonization of other people as that is a key symptom of BPD, just the demonization of my own self. Just thought id give a few notes of my own experience if anyone found it helpful to determine if they actually have BPD or CPTSD, which is often misdiagnosed. I find that though the symptoms overlap some, and both often result from trauma (BPD does not actually require trauma to occur as it is a personality disordor not an environmental disorder), these are very different things. Im not sure how there can be so many co diagnoses of BPD and CPTSD unless one is a misdiagnoses or limited understanding of a person. But im not a doctor or licensed mental health provider!

@flamingsword777

Күн бұрын

Thank you for that breakdown. You helped me tremendously! I thought I was maybe BPD, but how you describe yourself is spot on how it is with me. Your sister is like my sister. Is she older than you by any chance?

@simeonmorris1774

Сағат бұрын

Interesting thoughts. I would caution against stating that BPD is a personality disorder rather than an environmental one. I was of the understanding that all personality disorders are environmental. No-one. is born with BPD, NPD, etc. They are formed in relation to primary caregivers. I think it's important to understand that all these names, these acronyms are just labels for clusters of human behaviour. They are not illnesses that we can 'see' like cancer, or flu, with a single, identifiable source. They are coping mechanisms that develop over time. I would argue that BPD is a symptom of CPTSD, and that any differences that show up are down the the complexity of human beings, and how that manifests in resolving the trauma of not being loved. As someone who for a long time thought I had NPD, then BPD, and now see it's just CPTSD, to me, it all stems from abuse, neglect and trauma, in all it's different nuanced flavours. Just my thoughts.

Very good explanation. I’m often struck by the fact that when mental disorders are described there’s an underlying assumption that the development of a stable sense of self is the norm. But it’s built throughout childhood, layered into the nervous system through the developmental stages. And this depends on accurate mirroring and getting one’s basic needs met by a sane and present adult. When that’s not there, humans develop defensive strategies as substitutes for a stable self. Normal doesn’t exist and we are more and more living in our minds, having dissociated from our child selves. Then we are not grounded in the body and in present time but a dissociated mind world. The child self then continues to freak out and BPD Is one version of that. It’s a child trying to function in an adult world.

I'm not afraid of being alone. As a matter of fact I prefer to be alone. Everything else was dead on, but I'm so sick and tired of the labels psychiatrists wanna put on me. So, I'm done with it and I don't care anymore. The only thing I care about is how I can be a better person today than I was yesterday. I'm in competition with no one but myself. Now, with that being said...everything this guy said blew my mind.

@overimagination2812

4 жыл бұрын

Me too, love being alone... and yet when i have a girlfriend i can't stand being apart from her... so i chose alone the past few years and its been a good choice.

@Artist8731

Ай бұрын

It’s like a push pull. Read the book titled “I hate you, don’t leave me”

@HomeFromFarAway

11 күн бұрын

I think BPD was a useful diagnosis in a world where nobody knew what cptsd was. now we know better

@gracevalentine1666

11 күн бұрын

@@HomeFromFarAwayyou and I agree in full

@puggirl415

8 күн бұрын

Just came to say that like everything Borderline traits are on a spectrum and not necessarily a personality disorder even if you have traits. I could have Borderline personality disorder but as I listen to Dr Gunderson I remember my life thus far and know that I have childhood trauma. However, I've never physically self harmed. I've sometimes been impulsive in both the driving and the sex categories but it is definitely not regularly or even very often. Sometimes I have a lot of trouble saying no. I'm a woman so men don't mind not listening to my no as well. That is damaging to my psyche. In any case many of the feelings that Borderlines have can come from C-PTSD. They can also come with neurodivergence like ADHD or Autism. And all of those diagnoses live on a spectrum as well. I won't be so fast to diagnose myself with something as complex as a personality disorder but will understand that I have a fair number of issues to work through and I don't feel like I'm in denial about it or unable to see it myself and understand it intellectually. I'm glad that people are taking the stigma of mental illness away by talking about it.

Bro explained why I ALWAYS was so worried about people watching me with tiny cameras in the corners of my room although it made no sense

I was listening to a podcast of someone who had BPD but is now BPD free and this amazing man was mentioned. I unfortunately have every single criteria.. I hope to have kids one day but the fear of passing on my BPD is so strong, I wouldn’t want my children to experience this..

@lexg1168

3 жыл бұрын

What podcast

@tagaway6173

3 жыл бұрын

Tell us if we can find the podcast in KZread

@wellepoque

2 жыл бұрын

@MJ also interested

@TomeRodrigo

2 жыл бұрын

BPD can be passed on by how you treat your children, so if you can't control your behaviour and impulses you can traumatize them by explosive actions. Sorry to hear about your struggle.

@StatchanaReborn

Жыл бұрын

They might still get it even if you didnt pass it and tried your best 🫣 So dont worry too much and just be the best version of you and get kids without these worries :") wish you best.

Strangely, nobody compares this to the characteristics of rejection & Autistic/ADHD Rejection dysphoria

@user-ij4hp5nn6g

8 күн бұрын

Came here to say this. BDP and AuDHD (combined autism & ADHD) present very similarly, particularly in females

@DaveE99

8 күн бұрын

I know it’s not uncommon for the odd variant( emotional regulation executive function vulnerability + chaos in family enviroment of some type) to have a fearful-avoidant or disorganized attatchment style and I heard Thias gibson explain it’s kinda like a lite version of borderline as far as attatchments go. Like you want closeness but you push it away.

@katieandnick4113

5 күн бұрын

ADHD isn’t real, or rather, it’s not what we are lead to believe it is. The diagnoses of ADHD and ASD were expanded(made broader and more encompassing) in the most recent DSM in an attempt to hide the rapidly increasing incidences of trauma induced “disorders”. The very wealthy and powerful people who pay the doctors who write the DSM are heavily invested in the populace believing that everything in society is just great, and that if we’re suffering, it’s because there is something inherently and uniquely wrong with us. If we believe there is a genetic cause, we are more likely to take drugs rather than seeking therapy and trying to change our circumstances(and also rising up against our oppressors). It’s not too different than the idea of original sin. We are born broken and we need god(or doctors) to save us, and the only way we can be saved is to repent(or take drugs), and even then, our inherent “sin” will always be with us. It used to be that clergy was the middleman strong arm of the ruling class, and now it’s the institution of science and doctors. Their function is to protect the ruling class from us, though of course, doctors do not know this is their purpose. Just like clergy believe(d) that they exist to “save” people, so too do doctors. Interestingly, all doctors are actually highly narcissistic. It takes a very narcissistic person to believe they have the power to “save” other people. More deeply though, they need their patients who are suffering to be inherently broken, because their massive god complexes make it impossible for them to acknowledge that the society in which they live(that has worked so well for them, seeing as they’re doctors and all) is causing so many other humans to suffer miserably. The trick with doctors, unlike clergy, is that doctors don’t buy into the idea that people can just be “evil”, so they need to believe that people are suffering due to some sort of genetic “curse” over which they have no control. Because again, the only other option is that society is making people “sick”, and if you’ve done very well in a society, you’re not going to be able to see how that society can cause others so much pain. A healthy person in a sick society is objectively sick, while a sick person in a sick society is objectively more healthy and whole. We definitely live in a sick society, but if doctors were to acknowledge that, most would have to contend with the fact that they must be objectively sick. So they believe that society is healthy, and that the sick people in society are objectively sick so they can maintain the delusion that they, themselves, are objectively healthy. No human being wants to be rejected. Rejection is probably the most terrifying experience a human being can have. For people who seem to handle it well, it’s only because they are incredibly emotionally repressed. They’re in denial. Humans are pack animals and are completely interconnected and interdependent, regardless of what most of us would like to believe. It is not healthy for any human being to feel as though the people upon whom they depend only accept them conditionally. That’s going to drive anyone “insane”, and I would say that the insanity is just not obvious in most people because we are all “insane” to some extent. The healthiest people in a sick society, again, are the most objectively sick.

@cleonanderson1722

5 күн бұрын

My casual familiarity with the topic of BPD is because of it literally being discussed in that context. Probably not discussed enough though since much of said discussion is, for example, around the potential misdiagnosis of people on the spectrum with BPD. Also railing against the tendencies in medicine to pathologize the behavior/reactions of the marginalized to being marginalized in society in accordance with the moral precepts of the ruling class just to turn around and pathologize doctors for being tools of the ruling class feels less than liberatory and more of a rhetorical inversion of the power balance within the rotten state of affairs you take umbrage against. I sympathize with what you are driving at though.

@oliveranikolich5317

5 күн бұрын

You guys must be American and just the fact that one is criticising profesionals by outlining their characteristic as they are pathological is extraordinary. As a psychologist I am there to listen, understand my client and by use of Socrates questioning get them to the point where if they are honest to themselves they will gradually get to answer their own questions. I can’t help or tell people what to do. They have to do that for themselves. Also, psychologists do not make diagnosis but formulations and we only advocate for medication if it’s absolutely necessary and that’s the job of a psychiatrist. As a mother of a girl with autism and as a grandmother of a lovely baby boy who is a product of a BPD girl chasing my older son who eventually met her to talk to her and ensure that he’s not encouraging her in any way as he was not interested nor in her nor in having any intimate relationship with her. So for trying to be honest and gentle with her that encounter ended up with him waking up next morning with her in his bed, horrified as he couldn’t remember what happened! She laughed as she was explaining how he doesn’t have to worry as she understood that he’s not interested and it was just sex so she’s not expecting anything. He threw her out but about 2 weeks later she told him she was pregnant and now we have a child but my son is struggling as we are slowly expanding the conversation and he’s coming to terms with what has happened. The difference between autism and BDP is that my daughter is happy to be on her own, doesn’t have emotional fluctuations, doesn’t have those neediness dramas and she doesn’t stalk anyone. Western health and social care systems is a business, big pharma is behind prescribing and that’s what acceptable to Americans. Here in the U.K. we have a National Health Service and I don’t know how I would’ve felt if I had to pay to be seen by a doctor or for staying in the hospital. Its preposterous. U.K. approach is patient centred and harm reduction approach that is looking at mental health illness as a social construct. Individualist consumerist society and perpetual divide just about anything is another cluster of triggers are contributing to most of those issues. Plus, American states don't have a common culture as they are all pushed together rather than anything else. It's a social experiment that is slowly crumbling in its own collective delusion. Opioid epidemic, homelessness, perpetual wars and urge to dominate others, control over aspects that cant controlled, worshiping of Hollywood entertainers, obsession with murder and court trials and not to even mention demented president who's son is a crack addict and lack of regard for others….are just some of negative aspects of the society that was built on annihilation of the population previous inhabitants and just that is deeply engraved into societies collective consciousness and collective guilt. Anyways, when someone doesn't have any intention to confront their own shortcomings in order to evolve then they are just going to fall apart….

I feel like I’m tossed on a stormy sea with no sight of rescue - a boat, a light, a shoreline - in any direction AND no hope of anyone to help. So, if people see me as aimless, it reflects how I feel.

this made me start crying when talking about the hungry child 😭 that was me.. always hungry neglected invalidated screamed at and beaten.. I was like 60 pounds in 6th grade.. in the 1% for smallest kids in every grade... parents didn't care for me I had to survive on my own at very young ages not getting fed.. stealing food from the fridge and 🏃‍♂️ never really understood ugly part of life still here at 38 somehow.. starving myself like I did as a kid cause it seems normal in my mind.

@yzzy1966

Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry to hear this. Send hugs to heal!

@lorenzrosenthal119

Жыл бұрын

It's very interesting: as a kid I learned to lock myself up in the toilet whenever I got angry, because my souroundings couldn't handle my intense rage. This is still a pattern but it has become more subtle. Anger is unfortunately an emotion which is frowned upon and thus suppressed in our society. Not many outlets. I found boxing to be very helpful as I learned to channel my anger into discipline and directed physical activity. That feels very very good.

@CooperNeff

Ай бұрын

I'm also dealing with this exact same thing. Breathwork is the answer

@greenbrain8725

6 күн бұрын

You deserve to be loved. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ Even though your parents were too damaged to love you, consider yourself a sweet innocent clean slate. Worthy of all the love, protection, security and opportunity. Start by inventing a warm ball of love for that little starving child, abused and afraid. Perhaps take in a dog or cat. Let them love you unconditionally, take good care of them. The older I get the more I realize I prefer solitude and my own company. Animal companionship has a lot to offer in its simplicity. Humans are tricky animals.

@MysteryGrey

2 күн бұрын

🫂

I have BPD but I love being alone so mines more so emotional

@ladystrange4769

Күн бұрын

I absolutely would rather be alone than deal with ignorant people who are just noisy n refuse to actually pay attention when we point out why we do not feel like we do

The capacity to be alone. Identity diffusion, moods change much quicker than bipolar -look to environment. Impulsivity. Self harm ( reckless driving, substance use in an attempt to soothe oneself, ideas of reference). Chamealon change depending who they are with.

Truth. Not all bpds are all suicidal. I'm bpd and suicide idealization common yes for attention seeking to get someone to love me, and never cheat on me, not be alone. Validation is all we ever needed.

@auemmjee

2 күн бұрын

Being alone is really the only way to actually grow and heal.

It’s so difficult to have a loved one who has undiagnosed BPD. For me it’s my mother and now in my late 30s I am struggling with accepting that she will not change or at least acknowledge she has issue. She has caused me great pain and I’m healing on my own with a therapist but I wish she could see the pain she caused.

BPD is, in my understanding, the emotions of a newborn baby coming back at teenage or adult age. They are entirely depending on others.

@nielsbal3385

8 күн бұрын

Whats the difference with NPD?

@janec1489

6 күн бұрын

Wow - this actually happened to me in my 40s. Ended up following a friend round like a baby duck following it's mother

@tiffanyh629

5 күн бұрын

@@nielsbal3385 there's debate on where to draw the line mostly because BPD and NPD often goes hand in hand on the spectrum and its symptoms will often occur together. There's also debate on what truly is NPD/BPD and what has been skewed due to genderization. It's a complicated, nuanced topic that requires more research outside of a KZread comment but for sure, the biggest teller for BPD that you don't quite see elsewhere is the fear of abandonment.

This is like an Orphan Spirit, once a reconnection is made with Father/Carer/God he or she can rest in their heart easier❤️👍

wow I just found this video... this man is amazing. I often have feelings of being watched when I'm alone (its one of the things that sometimes keeps me awake in anxiety at night) it NEVER dawned on me that this was a paranoid and maladaptive coping mechanism related to BPD... my mind is blown

@wellepoque

2 жыл бұрын

It might be, or it also might be that we actually are. I think things have changed since the diagnosis originated. I did think back to having an imaginary friend in my younger years.

@slimshany4602

Жыл бұрын

To me the feeling of being watched (almost everywhere), comes from feeling unsafe; fear of threat, or judgment (shame).

@MysteryGrey

2 күн бұрын

It's because through your consciousness, God is watching and recording everything 🙏 🙌

My daughter is loved. High strung, difficulty accepting love . Very suicidal and I feel helpless in making it better

That empty feeling,, numbness is something so powerful

@Portia620

2 күн бұрын

Fixed me after being so emotional and loving towards someone that was very ill NPd or psychopath!

This is a phenomenal short explanation without too much difficult to understand jargon like "object relations deficits," or something like that. Often these personality problems can be traced back to problems with the existential factors: meaninglessness, freedom, isolation and death. At its core Isolation is terrifying. I can't imagine what must have happened. A sensitive temperament combined with opposite temperament parenting; adverse childhood events followed by the endless conflict derivable from the burgeoning symptoms, I guess. Everyone takes it personally and it just goes downhill from there. Without intervention, that is. I think BPD starts preverbally.

@puggirl415

8 күн бұрын

Nice explanation and analysis and review. I too appreciate the lack of jargon which is mostly just distracting. As a reluctant HSP with a violent alcoholic narcissist Father and a dysregulated critical controlling Mother, life was hard growing up. I was also the truth teller and scapegoat so I definitely got emotionally neglected and emotionally repressed. This left me by turns anxious and depressed. I feel that Borderline does have me on it's spectrum but I've been able to chip away at it with awareness and support in therapy. We don't need to label ourselves if we are working on our interpersonal understanding and growth. That in and of itself indicates not having a PD because most of the time a personality disorder causes us to not know what and who we are. It puts us in denial to help us survive. If we want to heal we need to become aware and get help any way we can.

@RosaAnderson-ps1sy

6 сағат бұрын

Sensitive temperament combined with opposite temperament parenting. With adverse childhood events is exactly how it affects BPD. I really believe with mindfulness and emotional neutrality minus the anger would be beneficial.

Psychopathic, schizophrenic, but just when I’m alone because my parents didn’t love me as a baby syndrome.

Been diagnosed with C-PTSD and BPD and it's.....I'm finding it extremely difficult to manage both. I also have an eating disorder but I believe this is a result of the other two diagnosis. I cling onto my ED to handle the emotional turbulence and turmoil that the other two disorders bring, as a way to handle life I suppose but it's ruining it. I just....I don't feel sick enough to seek out therapy, even though it's severely impacting on my daily life. I guess I feel too angry and hopeless and undeserving of being cared for because I know that if people are nice to me I'll get attached and I'll eventually hurt them - it's never my intention though. I feel like I'm completely unlovable and just writing this makes me feel like I'm attention seeking but I just...idek where to begin. It feels easier just to resign to this, let my addictions take care of me, even though they're killing me, I don't really care anymore, but I just wish I wasn't me. I cannot handle emotions, cannot tolerate being in my head every single day, it really hurts. Idk where I'm going with this. It's so disorganised, sorry. Just ugh.

@rr-gq3gc

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you Nicole, I never could really find the words to describe how I feel about myself yet here they are. I owe you big time! You were able to perfectly capture what my "ball of knots" is. Ugh it is, it's our ugh and we are the only ones who can take care of our ugh. I'm in recovery and have found more constructive and actionable tools in Recovery Dharma/Buddhism/Mindfulness than in any other sorts of therapies combined. For me it is the glue that solidifies and makes life acceptable/tolerable while I start envisioning the possibility, and start seeing a glimmer of hope, that living could actually be something to look forward to. Thank you Nicole and I wish you only the very best, Rocco

@jennifermaxine2453

2 жыл бұрын

Complex PTSD is the same as BPD, mental health providers just want you confused & discredited. They are not trained to understand people with trauma.

@kristyeldredge2308

2 жыл бұрын

I really hope you're feeling better. I don't think labels like BPD are helpful. We all have needs that weren't met and some cope better than others with that -- don't feel you're worse than other people. You aren't. You are in fact lovable. "Just writing this makes me feel like I'm attention seeking" shows you try not to impose on others. The hard thing is knowing when to ask for help and how to feel safe while doing so. It sounds like doctors have been only so helpful -- maybe a different therapist? Or an online support group can help. I wish you the best.

@nicole-3306

2 жыл бұрын

@@rr-gq3gc Oh Rocco, i hope this finds you in a safer, happier, relaxed state--- I've heard so many great things about Buddhism. Not heard of recovery dharma but mhm, that liberation you mustve felt when your ugh felt more tolerable to live with, that triumph, i hope you get more of those little and powerful victories. Warrior to warrior, you sound like an absolute beautiful soul. Take care, lovely xo

@nicole-3306

2 жыл бұрын

@@kristyeldredge2308 Honestly, i know this phrase gets thrown around a lot, but----thank you, Kristina. "you are in fact lovable" --- this----its a weird one because i naturally have a warming, inviting, bubbly personality which makes people think they love the image of myself i have given to them, but underneath this persona (that i want to be true) is just turmoil and mess. it feels----nothing short of murder to let people in on that--. I'm in therapy now for my eating disorder and i'll be joining a support group to manage the eupd side. ---sorry for ranting, but i think i have hope that things will improve. i hope you are able to smile a genuine truthful smile each and every day xo

Perfectly explained, thanks!

I was treated for addiction for 35yrs. Every trauma I experienced after I switched from cutting to self-medication helped re-establish the misdiagnosis. As an addict I became "undead", able to exist fairly safely but I became obsessed with ingesting a mix of heroin and cocaine that allows the user to sustain a state where thanatos and eros are in absolute equilibrium. I realised I would not last long and now self-medicate as little as possible. At 50 I was finally diagnosed with BPD which permits me access to Mental Health facilities and more appropriate treatments. I am so much more than a BPD sufferer let alone an addict. The video is spot on. Thank you.

@BorderlinerNotes

5 жыл бұрын

Thanks for being detailed in explaining some of your travails and how you've interpreted your experience. I met someone recently who suggested that BPD could be viewed as the ultimate symptom of other underlying personality disorders. So... Just to layer things a bit more. Anyway... appreciate your participation here and glad for your curiosity and tenacity in trying to unriddle the rhymes.

@waitwhat3630

2 жыл бұрын

Your not alone 💜

@th8257

Жыл бұрын

@@BorderlinerNotes it's interesting that the ICD seems to be moving more in that direction. Getting rid of the separate personality disorders and instead recording traits. The ideas being that so many of the personality disorders are interlinked and simply manifestations of an underlying issue, and that it's artificial and unhelpful to keep separate personality disorders as the DSM does.

@whitneyvise7911

10 ай бұрын

@@th8257 I think that's great news. I, myself have a constellation of symptoms that are like a grab-bag of different disorders. I don't meet enough criteria to be diagnosed with any one PD, including BPD, but these different maladaptive traits are there and are hell to manage.

@Clevelandsteamer324

10 күн бұрын

You mean speedballs . Just say speedballs we know what it is

This is so so valuable

EMOTIONAL 1) unstable relationships involving idealization & discarding 2) fear of abandonment / rejection 3) emotional disregulation (inappropriate / uncontrollable anger) 4) emptiness ( not always present ) BEHAVIOUR 5) self harm 6) patterns of impulsivity COGNITION 7) lapsus of reality (paranoid sometimes ) 8) Disturbed sense of self (adapt based on another )

@lisaproustresearch

29 күн бұрын

What type of BPD is if you have one portion of these and not all?

@EvanBateman1

5 күн бұрын

@@lisaproustresearchit depends on the way the symptoms present, quiet BPD is usually internalised anger and guilt, expressed through self-harm and impulsivity towards unsafe behaviours like sex and drinking alcohol. The symptoms are all usually still there in all types of BPD but just affect the person differently. When you have some traits but not all (4 or less), it is diagnosed as traits of BPD or BPD symptoms rather than the full disorder - and that’s only if the symptoms aren’t better explained by a separate diagnosis, such as bipolar, ADHD or depression.

@futureshock5641

3 күн бұрын

All of above, AuDHD+INFJ+BPD, basically am f****

This is so accurate, I’ve never heard anyone explain it like he has until now. Wow.

watching this and realizing that i checked off every single characteristic. ive been dealing with this forever and i never knew why. it feels so good to finally have a why

thank you for this

My dog staring at me. I'm not imagining anything lol

@user-go8ft8dm3g

21 күн бұрын

See, the problem with people getting serious help for mental health issues that can be devestating, even lead to suicide or self harm, are trolls like you that mock others, and immaturely joke about mental health. God forbid it's ever you. Grow up. 🇨🇦

So, I may have BPD symptoms, but I have expelled most of the deamons, I laugh at the ones who choose to stay, and I choose the loneliness over the intense drama. Here I find my peace.

@SuperDuperGodspeed

Сағат бұрын

You sound unstable if so speak to someone

Undiagnosed celiac disease with neurodevelopment disorder related to another neurological disease. Now I have been to a diagnosis of bpd, adhd ring of fire ( due to my celiac disease and metabolic syndrime) All developed when as a child I developed at the beginning Arfid and pica eating disorder ( related to anemia). Since I always been force fed and I was not able to express the pain of my autoimmune disease i never felt safe.

I have been doing extensive research after progressing into type 2 psychopathy but the summary provided in this video is so succinct and describes many things I’d already discovered about myself through being completely alone in isolation. Prof. Sam Vaknin and Dr Les Carter have been invaluable in my journey. I also have a really good male shrink who I speak to once a week who specialises in BPD which is really helping. Thankyou!!! I have subscribed!!!

Its not just people, its all objects... i love/hate my phone, youtube, the internet, my apartment, mother nature, god...

@wellepoque

2 жыл бұрын

I deactivate and deactivate my social accounts all the time.

@Clevelandsteamer324

10 күн бұрын

You are describing “splitting “ read about it.

@tiffanyh629

5 күн бұрын

I relate, I've split on God themself. Religious debate aside, it's such an isolating experience as someone who's loosely faithful, to doubt even the thing that's supposed to love you unconditionally.

I wish my assessor had used this explanation so as to not fool me into believing this misdiagnosis.

Protect yourselves, borderlines.

@forsakenjones4695

3 күн бұрын

from.

Rather than labelling or bucketing Cluster B personality disorders, the modern ISM or alternative DSM matrix approach seems far better. People with aspects of BPD are failed narcissists, but narcissists have many BPD features too - they're terrified of being abandoned.

DBT is a life changer. Regardless of what you have been through.

Great video. I like that they're all in black and white ie black and white thinking.

@Clevelandsteamer324

10 күн бұрын

Splitting. Watch every video on it

These videos are absolute gems! So helpful to understand BPD!

Oh my, how loving to try and make me not feel alone in this manner.

Excellent ❤

Wow, this is very accurate

good stuff

Thank you doc for your contributions on understanding borderline personality disorder! RIP

very helpful

I would never be able to thank you - and especially the ones you brought here - enough for all the learning in your channel, Rebbie. it´s been supportive through the years for me. I always get back here. I found out about DBT therapy here (we don´t have TFP or MBT in Brazil). As I told in another comment before, I just resent the lack of a good automatic translator from KZread. I want to register that again. Not because of me, I mean. There´s a need around this part of the world, you know? I am on a load of groups of people with BPD on Facebook in which there are like 10 to 30.000 Brazilians each. I can´t recommend this page enough, but 99% of Brazilian people (and I suspect Portuguese people too, but we are 250 million) don´t get English subtitles. Then I check the Portuguese subtitles before recommending these videos. Oh, well. Lots of these videos, especially the older ones are not ok. For instance, in this video right here. At its very beginning, the late John Gunderson says, "definition involves what, in psychiatric jargon is called 3 different phenotypes, 3 different sectors of psychopathology", right? Ok, then. I know my English is not "skyrocketing" or anything (look at me devaluing myself, Geez, what a surprise), but do you know how that is translated in Portuguese? Being literal, as it is written in the automatic translated Portuguese subtitles, this great man says, "the definition involves with the psychiatric organ is of 3 different feet". That´s what a Brazilian person literally reads in Portuguese, at the beginning of this video. It gets a bit better then, with some other major mistakes like those in the middle. And I see a lot of your videos, I kept hunting for the ones I missed, and there are a lot of these problems with the automatic translated Portuguese subtitles in almost every video that is a cut of your documentary (but not only those). This content on your channel is all too important for everyone with BPD and their loved ones worldwide.

@BorderlinerNotes

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so so much for this feedback! Beyond illuminating and helpful. It sounds like we need someone to formally translate the videos into Spanish and Portugese. We can search for this person, but if you know any people right for this effort, you can reach me at borderlinethemovie@gmail.com. - Rebbie

Thank you. I typically comprehend psychological deviance and have responses and relating army fingertips, but BPD folks just elude me. This video helps me let it go.

Thankful that this is not the issue i'm dealing with

These videos have helped me to understand what my ex fiance was and is going through, I literally tried so hard to help her, she would praise me for my help and say that she didn't know what she would do without me to the extreme opposite of saying I never help etc. Calling me names, insulting me saying that I was cheating on her and was convinced beyond any explanation and paranoid, but the final straw was she called the police on me and fabricated stories about me attacking her etc I'm honestly broken hearted because of this and even after all that I still worry and love her.

R.I.P. :(

So what's the difference between BPD and Complex Trauma? A lot of the symptoms are very very similar.

@nielsbal3385

8 күн бұрын

For sure, thats why BPD is done. Too many missdiagnosed people, which is very harmfull too the patients and their families.

I describe it to people as taking an empty cup right,and managing t take out half a cup more of the emptiness out of that already empty cup,that's what it feels like.

I’ve been told I have BPD traits, but very little of this resonates. Sigh. I can never find where I fit into anything.

@tagaway6173

3 жыл бұрын

There's "quiet bpd"

@lorenzrosenthal119

Жыл бұрын

interesting: are you seeking for a person from the outside who tells you who you are? No shame on that btw!

@lornocford6482

10 ай бұрын

C-PTSD, codependency, highly sensitive, childhood emotional neglect, being the scapegoat of narcissistic people, a borderline projecting on you. Just some things to explore for possibilities for growth.

thanks

A nice summary, but I think you might mention that not all these characteristics have to be (obviously) present but rather just the majority of them. That´s my impression anyway.

Im always alone/lonely but i continue to push everyone away so it will carry on indefinitely. I cant trust anyone. People make me paranoid.

@Clevelandsteamer324

10 күн бұрын

Not all are bad. But there are definitely users out there. Try to find a couple of people you can learn to trust just a bit and then see how it goes. Maybe a book club or golf club. This is a good therapy .

I was one hot mess when I was younger. BPD was my first diagnoses. I resonate with that one. But then came 6 other statistical labels. Meds, therapies, etc... But let me tell you, menopause changed EVERYTHING. It's complex- and I am convinced that it's basis is hormonal. I learned so much from my experiences, and it took a long time to grow into my own. Med free, therapy free for 15 years. Acceptance of things I could not control, AA, spiritual study and a LOT of breathing/meditation is what worked for me. Not American medicine. Everyone is different though.

I have Every single symptom. Every one of them. Three years ago I almost moved to a remote location 100 miles northwest of anchorage, Alaska, several miles from the Iditarod trail. On a tiny lake. Floatplane access only. But I found out that someone, another trapper, lived nearby and I decided against it. I’d be afraid that they were watching me. It wasn’t far enough away from everyone. Of course I had no idea at the time that I had bpd.

PW Borderline-Histrionic and i am healing my traumas. I am much more stable in relationships than i used to. I am comorbid Bipolar.

mY mothers brother Rest in Peace Uncle John

I wish he was my dr.. I live in a really small town and not one therapist understands me. BPD is so misunderstood

@Clevelandsteamer324

10 күн бұрын

It’s often not understood and many won’t even take a patient with it on

I’m wondering if anyone can offer insight on support groups, therapists etc that are in the same vein as this researcher. Feeling this deeply.

@Myrtle5834

2 жыл бұрын

Hi, I was diagnosed with BPD 6 years ago and have been part of a 12 step program ever since, specifically sex and love addicts anonymous. You can check out online meetings to see if it feels right for you if you feel too nervous to go in person. Don’t be put off by the name (or the reference to a ‘god’, if you aren’t religious, I’m atheist) it’s more of a focus on trauma and general relationships (that often impact our romantic life). It’s free and for me, provides practical tools, support and stability I needed. I eventually came off all meds and have been very stable for the last few years.

Holy FN hell the last minute destroyed me. I mean I understand I have BPD and I have a fair control over it. I have never heard of this man until today. I am glad I have felt this. Unfortunately never will I be able to say in his this to him in his life after reading the comments. Now, the identity thing. I'm literally a Carpenter (journeyman), Millwright(journeyman) Salesman(regional not just sell a phone, did that too) Project manager for small business. Business developer, marketer and started off in IT and help desk. Still tinker daily. Obviously not all simultaneously. With all that said. I hate being called one of my trades. Or a southerner, or Floridian, or city boy. I get it I'm from that weird part of Florida with money, beaches and swamp life. It's like. No but like I'm not a carpenter, or a southerner. I mean I am. But that's not who I am. I'm a nerd. Love quantum science and need to know more about consciousness. That's why I am here. I needed to understand what's wrong with me and why I struggle. But, you can't define yourself by something so simple. It's not who we are really. There is so much more to us. It's taken me months of trying to understand psychology, to fully be able to diagnose what exactly I am and what's wrong with me. I want to love so much, but I get these hydraulic-pressure waves. I wish this guy could've tapped me on the shoulder 10 years ago and said. Hercules, you need to have an identity. And give me a bit of a mirror with his voice. I'm going to continue on this man's lessons. At least he fully let me understand part, of my problem. I think I'm scared to just be something. Because if I identify as something lame. I might not draw the attention. Or be able to be wanted as much as I could. It's impossible to place into worlds. If you have BPD. You get the feeling of that at least. For myself I feel it's incredibly substantial to understand it's this identity thing. That compounded with daily patterns and thoughts... If you know enough, you know we humans are basically just an incredible aeries of complex patterns in a way.

@BorderlinerNotes

Жыл бұрын

Thank you. -P

@lorenzrosenthal119

Жыл бұрын

Do you say, you don't want to be reduced to a small part of yourself (although you love that part of yourself) because you feel you are so much more?

New fear unlocked: hearing voices at night I have all the other symptoms, I do not want that one too

I used to be like an angry baby not fed enough with affection and i felt neglected in friend circles. I am very reckless. But keep myself in a leash. I don't need nobody else to do that. I don't have the psychotic part besides very mild dissociation and derealization.

It took a psychotic break for me to realize i had it- no one diagnosed me- I was put on meds and they cleared my head up- I did research, found a questionnaire for Borderline bam! That’s me. Now In remission- the anger gone, I have a new sense of self. Also I didn’t hear this - B people always think they’re right and blame others even when the truth is staring them in the face. It’s a trade off- I didn’t realize this till I was in my 60’s but the peace of mind I now have is a beautiful thing. In the past I’d do anything to make the people around me happy - now I have a center that’s the real me and I won’t devalue that for anyone.

@nielsbal3385

8 күн бұрын

What medication did they put you on?

@Jimyblues

8 күн бұрын

@@nielsbal3385 the return of sanity was Suboxone - yes it’s for opiate use disorder- there have been studies where they saw amazing results psychologically but it’s for that specific thing - if they gave it to non opiate people they would become dependent on- there are annoying side effects but the mental clarity is worth it

interesting

I feel like this man understands me like no one else ever has , or has ever tried. I can't stop crying I wish I wasn't like this and I really need some help. I'm about to be 28 and I still cut myself when ever I'm in an intimate relationship and I push whoever I love away cause I have no idea what to do about these intense feelings i get but i just want to relax and be in love you have no idea how hard it is to live with this SHIT . I'm getting older and i just want to be fucking normal. everything in this video suits me to a pea.

This is a very unfortunate disorder. I hope one day they find a cure.

@TheDavveponken

Жыл бұрын

the cure is love and understanding

@lornocford6482

10 ай бұрын

​@@TheDavveponken that's something borderlines seem to struggle with having for themselves and others, so not really a cure.

@TheDavveponken

10 ай бұрын

@@lornocford6482 Well that's a weird, and defeatist, take. Where do you think our sense of love for ourselves come from (in general)? From others (parents and other loved ones, strangers even). A borderline may not readily accept and adopt their self worth as presented by others (by way of displays of affection or other ways of convincing) but surely overtime - with enough evidence - they (we) may come to accept it. What would be your idea of a cure?

@lornocford6482

10 ай бұрын

@@TheDavveponken I didn't say that I thought that there was a cure. I think there's prevention and tools for management of the disorder. People learn to love by how they're loved combined with an innate capacity to love and their temperament when they're children. This is how they learn to love themselves and others. Once an adult, a person has to have developed the ability. If they haven't, then they're immature mentally to an extreme that means that their personality is disordered. If a person can own their mental and development issues and they're willing to do a lot of healing work, I think they can learn to recognise their triggers and learn tools to self soothe and control their reactivity. They can learn what a healthy relationship is. All of this is what was supposed to have been taught to them as children, but wasn't. Borderlines are very codependent. It's something else that needs to be healed. I don't know what it is that stops some borderlines from doing the work. I suspect that they're co-morbid with narcissism. Those who aren't, can achieve a huge amount of recovery.

@TheDavveponken

10 ай бұрын

@@lornocford6482 I didn't say you did. I just wanted to coax something more constructive out of you. It agree with a lot of what you're saying. But it's a matter of (a disordered) personality. Therefore it would be fixable, if, as you mentioned -vthey're willing tobwork on it. I like to think of borderlines aa feral cats in a way - they are afraid and act out against people, if they don't just run away altogether; but with some love and understanding it'd be possible to turn them around. Even when, I believe, they've turned narcissistic. BUT I wouldn't recommend trying to change a narcissistic partner (I know as much first hand). One could explain to them their fault and then walk away (so as to at least help them in the future) cheerio.

I'm reading that autism in womyn is frequently misdiagnosed as Borderline and others. What's the process of distinguishing?

@travisbickle5282

3 жыл бұрын

Two very different disorders which are easily distinguished from each other.

@adoniasama4363

3 жыл бұрын

From what I know of, autistic people have sensory issues (hypersensitivity or hyposensitivity), problems with social interaction,they like patterns, routines,they stim, they have repititive words or things they do. These traits, specifically the sensory issues which is a large part of autism,is not present in someone who solely has BPD. Women are often misdiagnosed because of the lack of research and difference in signs about autistic women.

Is BPD a well thought out diagnosis? Or should it be refined into more particular dysfunctions?

My daughter will send our bpd for an exchange of language in another country. My heart is in pieces.

BPD is for me a Trauma Response and all these Traumatic experiences need to be re-integrated in years of work with a good Traumatherapist. Thats why I say: All western countries should massively invest in Centers for psychological/psychiatric centers with free access, specially for deeply traumatized Patients. Psychiatric Psychological injuries are on a all time high. We need to change our culture. Loving kindness… 🤝

I would like to know more about how this affects women vs men, or is there no real difference

The only person in the world who understood.

Some of us would rather be alone - we do the abandoning emotionally n tune out n turn off our emotions

I'm spiritual and loosely religious and while that's not everyone's tea, I do want to connect my religious standing to my current standing on the bpd criteria: To have bpd is to go back and forth between turning to and pulling away from God, the entity who is supposed to be unconditional love in of itself. For me, I'm so deep into my pain and shame that I'd rather self destructive alone than to ever show my vulnerability to an entity that's omnipresent/omnipotent because I can no longer tolerate the push pull aspect of wanting and fearing love with someone I'm close to. It hurts much less if everyone's at arms distance, including God. For those who are religious, it's an ultimate pull back of shame from God. For those who are not religious, it's the ultimate distress of not being able to even place my vulnerability onto a fictional being.

They wake up mad

They like to hurt people: too. Let’s not forget that part.

✅️ interesting

The fear of abandonment makes it always sound like abandonment in particular usually comes back to the mother… is there any data as no one ever says children with an illness at the crucial age between 2 & 4 yrs & confined to bed can feel abandonment issues that stay ingrained… mother can’t sit bedside 24/7 & meanwhile the child misses another crucial opportunity.. the milestones of incorporating/ fine tuning of the various senses.. eventually the transition from child to adult brain function, the next problem.. these problems persist then if BPD arrises a disability for life, self sabotage & often times because of “ them “ who think they know yet can’t understand what led to what & don’t listen… abandonment has many faces before it becomes BPD

So far, for me personally, he is the only one who can explain this without having me feel triggered.

To a T. So spot on

i love you