After seeing the DUFF in high school with friends they told me I was their duff “but not in a fat way just that you aren’t as cool as us” like what the fuck

@pluet_2003

2 жыл бұрын

ouch what the hell are those friends.

@tanyaroy2996

2 жыл бұрын

I hope you dropped them, you deserve better.

@mck9485

2 жыл бұрын

Ewww same

@dianalove539

2 жыл бұрын

no shame in that girl!

@byakuyatogami2905

2 жыл бұрын

That's when you leave cause honestly having no friends is better than having toxic friends

The duff book is wayyyy different then the movie. It's more about Bianca as a character and how her home life effects her. The book is more complex and has a totally different plot.

@nitrofairywing1541

2 жыл бұрын

I'm not even surprised

@angelahale11

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like a good read. I liked the movie, but it completely glosses over how the mom's toxic positivity and perfectionism probably made Bianca feel like a failure.

@milcaful

2 жыл бұрын

@@angelahale11 In the book the mum isn't even there. It's not perfect but actually when I read it I thought it was a breath of fresh air among YA books. The movie just sucks for me, they completely change the plot and the point of the book

@amariah5673

Жыл бұрын

I read it years ago and was enraged at how much they changed it obviously changed are expected but it was so different

@JM-cz1ps

Жыл бұрын

The book hurt like a b*tch, the movie was too corny

sometimes i think that behind every character being called fat, there's an actor who actually has the body that's being commented on

This part about medium sized people being cast for plus size roles!!! I was rold by my classmates that I'm fat and ugly ever since, like, 3rd grade, through to the end of my high school years. And I believed it. I developed self-hate and an ED because of it, I started seeing my body as the enemy, because no matter what I did, I couldn't lose weight. Now, at almost 30, I look at photos and go like ??? I was never fat, I was simply not naturally skinny, but rather medium sized. But media portrayal showed me and my classmates women of my shape and size under the label of fat. So I literally suffered all through my teens because some executive asshats basically have a problem with women who are above a size 0. It makes me so mad 😠

@sarahbalaz319

2 жыл бұрын

UGHHH exactly this

@zigzaglychee7324

2 жыл бұрын

Same! I thought I was fat when I was in my teens too. Now I look back and am like wow, I was tiny, why did I believe I was fat? I think in my case it had a lot to do with the fact that I did ballet, but I'm sure media representation didn't help either. The obsession with dieting culture and the cliche of losing weight and becoming "pretty" definitely contributed. But the ballet was a big part, even though I still love ballet. Running around in a skintight outfit, watching yourself in a mirror, in a sport where EXTREME skinniness is the ideal doesn't do wonders for body image. And yeah, I also developed disordered eating in my teens 😬

@MyssBlewm

2 жыл бұрын

Yes! A few years ago I was at my parents' house looking through photo books and I wanted to break down and cry seeing 13/14yo me. I was just a normal kid but I can still remember very clearly how I felt so uncomfortable and big and fat and heavy and ugly at those times in the pictures I saw. At my largest I felt more comfortable in my skin than I did when I was probably a size 10-12 😥 My family told me my entire life I was fat just because I couldn't be a size 0 like my sister 🤷🏻‍♀️

@toffeestrange7706

2 жыл бұрын

This happened to me as well.

@TheMaYsSA2

2 жыл бұрын

THIIIIIIS! I felt so fat my whole life and now I look back at old pictures and I was healthy and THIN! but was told I'm fat and ugly my whole life that's all i see!

Can we also talk about how everyone is willing to use the "health" excuse to fat-shame people while ignoring all the health issues that come with dieting and EDs.

@shriekinambassador5042

2 жыл бұрын

health is not an excuse. Obesity is one of the worst public health issues in the West. We shun smokers and alcoholics for being a danger to society and a burden on social systems. But for some reason we need to object to feee fees of obese people that are a burden on social systems. Dieting is the capitalist solution that treats the symptoms not the cause. Obesity on this scale we have now (40% of USA for example are overweight 20% are dangerously obese) is systemic and absolutely an issue and we should not sugercoat and "protect" fee fees of obese people.

@mehhhchelle

2 жыл бұрын

@@shriekinambassador5042 yes, obesity is a public health issue. but dieting IS harmful, especially when there is an overload of diet types advertising with un-based claims. Food needs to stop being looked at as "bad vs good", it is a necessity for all and we should be able to listen to our bodies to tell us what we crave, when we are hungry, and when we are full. Fat shaming, body shaming, or any kind of unhelpful and derogatory claim, is an even bigger issue.

@shriekinambassador5042

2 жыл бұрын

@@mehhhchelle dieting is capitalist solution to a problem caused by itself but managing your calories isnt part of capitalism. Dieting is not solving the issue. It all comes down to capitalism though. People need to understand that dieting is temporary. People need to understand resting metabolic rate. People need to understand that kitchen is where you lose weight not the gym. People need to understand that racism, scientific racism, financial racism plays a big role why obesity is also an issue in african american communities due to food deserts and shops not opening in minority neighborhoods. Also some people have an unproportionate and unhealthy feeling of hunger which these people need to learn to supress. Body positivity and healthy at all sizes solves NONE of said issues. It merely may help with some self confidence.

@shriekinambassador5042

2 жыл бұрын

@@dallypurcy3113 cope harder. Health data is objective that the more obese and the more weight someone has the less life quality and life expectancy it has. Are you saying objective data and statistics is bullying people. No one smart is saying that you should diet. But healthy at all sizes is biologically impossible. Just from the weight alone your heart has to pump more blood around, just from the weight alone ignoring all other conditions your liver, your kidneys your everything STRUGGLES more than in a non overweight person. No one normal is also saying you should call overweight people fat and bully them. If statistics and healthcare data is bullying you are however way to fragile and should probably change. I take no bullcrap from people like you because many of my friends ate themselves to almost death and diabetis. And if healthy at all sizes people who ignore objective data would got their way to them (its easy to hear from people that confirm your biases which also is convenient so you dont have to change a thing) they would have died.

@hewhodies

2 жыл бұрын

Dieting isn't harmful. Doing diets wrong is harmful. I'm a fat dude who lost a ton of weight by just reducing calories and walking. I reduced the carbs (pasta, bread, etc), maintained a healthy hydration level and just walked. Anyone who tells me "diets are unhealthy" is just doing it wrong and refuses to see it.

One time I went to a party with a friend and her other friends. I'm not the girly girl that does the makeup and all that. I'm 4'11 and the rest of the girls were 5'5 and up. Anyway we were going to a bar and we were at a table and I didn't know that one of the girls asked her boyfriend to swing by. He brought his friends now I'm not ugly by no means even if someone said, you're ugly. I KNOW I'm not ugly. So the guys are standing around us and the girl with the boyfriend decides to introduce us to the group. She would say, "Kristen is our artsy girl, Jamie is our pageant girl"; and so on and so forth, she got to me and said, " And Tabby is our cute little DUFF". I was like, "Bitch say what?! I am not a DUFF"! She said, "Don't be mad I said you were cute too". I finished my drink and left. Since she introduced me as the DUFF none of the guys wanted to talk to me. I was then invisible. I only sat there for 15 min. Yes I was the only girl of color in the group.

@chacha2321

2 жыл бұрын

She is probably envious of you. Stay away from people that think less of you. She made made a back handed statement. I wouldn’t worry to much, these type of women get a rude awakening. One day you might have a glow up.

@Cantetinza17

2 жыл бұрын

@@chacha2321 Yeah I try to stay away from her when we go to gatherings. I had a financial glow up. She's barely making 30K and I make double. I own my own home and she is still doing the roommate situation.

@nini-qc1qd

2 жыл бұрын

this happened to one of my taller friends. All of us are between 5'-5'4 and pretty thin while she's much taller so she's just kind of bigger and sometimes people point that out (not in a good way). This also happened to Lisa Kudrow while filming friends as Courtney Cox and Jennifer Aniston were much thinner and shorter. Kinda sad

@jclyntoledo

2 жыл бұрын

How do ppl even call someone a friend and then do that shit?! 🤨... I'm glad you left bc you deserve better and idk what you look like but I'm going to go ahead and confirm you are so fn pretty 😍😍

@Cantetinza17

2 жыл бұрын

@@jclyntoledo You know. I didn't understand that either, but I knew she didn't want to be out casted because the other girl basically brought the dudes and my friend was thirsty as hell! I think look wise I'm a strong 7, but when I dress up I'm an 8. So her remarks just proved that I AM pretty and she was threatened by it, so she has to try and take the shine off. I stopped hanging with the whole group cause no one spoke up when she said it. Good riddance.

Loved this vid!! Sleepover (2004) was also a movie that portrayed the “duff” and it was extremely uncomfortable to watch

@moeblackx

2 жыл бұрын

ohh!!! i haven’t heard of that one i’m gonna check it out :)

@mck9485

2 жыл бұрын

@Alexa ughh I remember that ur right it was so weird

@luxlisbon7979

2 жыл бұрын

@Alexa that was so crazy to me. completely tone deaf.

@bellacarroll5529

2 жыл бұрын

@Alexa OMG yes I just watched it recently and I couldn’t believe that girl acc said that I was perplexed 💀

@Richard-lh3te

2 жыл бұрын

That was the first time I’d ever seen the stereotype in the movie. Very damaging considering it was marketed toward pre-teens

In middle school, my group of “friends” literally called me duffy 🤦🏻‍♀️ i didn’t realize what it meant until someone pointed it out

@sandraelliott4435

2 жыл бұрын

They were not your friends

@jclyntoledo

2 жыл бұрын

More like frenemys

I just want more coming of age films where there are actual plus size characters AND their entire personality isn’t surrounded around their weight

@tiahnarodriguez3809

Жыл бұрын

Not a movie, but “Fat Jo” is a good webtoon. Until it gets to a certain chapter point. There’s also this British movie about a plus size girl going through puberty, but I forgot what it’s called. It wasn’t bad.

@baileyunderwood-doe8875

Жыл бұрын

@@tiahnarodriguez3809 Ou thank you I’ll check that out!!🙏☺️

@sakuranovaryan9261

Жыл бұрын

Love it when fat people have diverse roles and are accepted as normal people in media. Like that's how it should be.

I had a best friend that was thinner than me in high school. She was always the one that stood out, the one that people referred to as prettier, more likeable, funnier, just all the good things that one person can be. I was mid sized but I was a fat kid so I still carried all the negativity from that time with me. My then best friend would always make "tiny" comments about my appearance that eventually did pile up. I was older, taller, chubbier, less confident, and somehow she always made sure I knew that that was how she saw me. She made me believe that was how everyone saw me. When I started to gain confidence, wear makeup, and socialize more, she stopped talking to me. She told me that I had changed and that I wasn't the kind of person she wanted to have around. I did give in to her manipulation a couple times, but slowly realized what she was doing. The first time I heard nothing but positive comments about myself was when I made friends in a circle she wasn't a part of. I was so surprised that there were people that wanted to befriend me. My then best friend of course hated my new friends, never made an effort to talk to them, and she would get an attitude with me after I spent time with them. I stopped being her friend a while ago, but sometimes I do get angry thinking about the time I spent letting her walk all over me and put me down to make herself feel better.

@moeblackx

2 жыл бұрын

ugh felt !! it’s so hard to look back and be like damn it i knew then what i know now

@ivannareyes1780

2 жыл бұрын

@@moeblackx oh my thank you for reading my story! Hope you've been doing well!!

@Mira-gu6we

Жыл бұрын

Had a friend like this. She was super pretty and I was somewhat pretty. Whenever i'd make attempts to change my style or something, she'd put me down. Life got better after I dropped her.

There are definitely flaws in Sisterhood and Ladybird, but most are either era-related or intentional and help to tell the characters’ stories, not to overlook those characters in order to perpetuate overused tropes about beauty. This is what the Duff movie does. It’s clearly a male take on a woman’s story about growing up, with the take being that Duffs are a thing, but that’s okay because some dumb guy will take pity on you if you are one. You don’t need to read the book to see that. Bianca and her friends barely interact, with her friends given no personalities and the sole job of being hot onscreen. Bianca’s crush is entirely based on shallow reasons and, despite being pretty outspoken, the way she melts in front of him is so out of character, it’s laughable. Then there’s the insert of a pointless mean girl who, when she’s not there to confirm that Bianca is indeed a Duff, her only other role is to look hot. And what are Wes’s redeeming qualities? Again, being hot and liking a Duff, which is apparently good enough from a male perspective. As you can guess, none of these things occur in the book. The book’s take isn’t that Duffs are a thing, it’s that insecurity can distort your reality when you’re young and struggling with your identity. The movie does the opposite of this and confirms that all Bianca’s insecurities are valid, which is why it makes me so mad. We need to stop peddling this stupid narrative to teens that someone needs to take pity on them just for existing. They don't need it and they never did.

@georgina4874

2 жыл бұрын

Well-written!!!

As a kid, realizing you’re the duff of your friend group, even if you don’t have the word for it, is so corrosive to your soul. Never ending trauma, continuing to be friends with people whose treatment of you actively hurts you, all just to have any friends at all. Shit’s baffling.

18:13 totally agree that it's not a v sensitive or realistic take on the issue but I interpreted carmen's outburst as less about the dress/her body and more like the last thing that made her blow up at her stepmother and step siblings because of her father's abandonment of her mom and how different he is with the new white family versus when he was with her mom, it's a small issue but represent just one more example of how she doesn't "fit" with this new version of her father's life which we see throughout the movie.

@moeblackx

2 жыл бұрын

YESSSS!! absolutely agree! i think that was a realistic breaking point and reaction even though it wasn’t about her body but i would have liked the writers to have carmen call out everyone else for treating her different vs villianizing her!!

Kinda funny that America Ferrera was cast as the token latina in Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants when Alexis Bledel is actually a latina as well.

@KristinaEspinoza

2 жыл бұрын

I'm mad at myself for never noticing Alexis Bledel is Latina. Literally grew up watching her and America Ferrera.

@berby2068

2 жыл бұрын

Her grandparent was Argentinian by way of German descent…you know what that means right lol.

@candelacarballo4199

2 жыл бұрын

@@berby2068 ?

@ammercedes3591

2 жыл бұрын

She's "Latina" in that she was born in Latin America, but she's not ethnically/racially. She has white European roots. Nothing wrong with that obviously but there is nothing to "notice" irt her being Latina because she's Caucasian.

@brib6046

2 жыл бұрын

@@ammercedes3591 well her being born in Latin America and having cultural roots makes her Latina, no quotation marks needed. Latina isn’t a racial category, and she ethnically fits the definition. There are a lot of White and Caucasian Latin people, just like there are Black Latin people, Asian Latin people, ect. Not every Latin person is an “Indigenous Brown” person.

i never really saw the hype about lady bird and thought the main character was just mean and self-centered, i understand that main characters can be flawed but it just made the movie unenjoyable to watch

@moeblackx

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah Christine is very self serving and ignorant to the world around her.

@daisybeaulieu1789

2 жыл бұрын

Same. I had to watch it for an English class and I just couldn’t get into it, yeah teen characters shouldn’t have to be written as perfect angels bc we know realistically they’re not, but she was just not written well enough to make it work and it was just annoying. At least in my opinion.

@hannahnichols4027

2 жыл бұрын

Agree. It also suffered from some white woman privilege, like that "joke" Ladybird made about affirmative action was too much. Do you a cisgender heterosexual thin white girl think it's going to be harder to get into college than POC?

@rainespells1273

2 жыл бұрын

Sameeeee I thought I was in the wrong for not understanding her at all even though I was her age. I only kept watching for her mother who was way more interesting.

@mizzypink8

2 жыл бұрын

Same here I hate the movie so much I don’t see how it’s been hyped up so much

A really random exploration of the DUFF is in the Inbetweeners movie (a staple of British culture), Jay’s love interest is plus sized and presented as the DUFF of her group yet doesn’t care and is shown to be happy in her own skin. A very weird film to include a relatively good presentation of a ‘DUFF’ (although she does end up with jay when she deserves a lot better)

@caitlingill

5 ай бұрын

Inbetweeners makes me think of Derry Girls how Claire is the Duff but she’s the most confident of the group

The algorithm is doing it’s thing- glad that your debut video essay was on my recommended list 💞

@moeblackx

2 жыл бұрын

🥹🫶🏽

@ivanna235

2 жыл бұрын

Same for me! I got it recommend it to me today, just when I thought KZread was stale

The concept of the DUFF makes me so uncomfortable. I don't even think in such terms normally but as soon as the topic gets brought up I can't help but think if any of my friends think like that. Very uncomfortable. The perils of being afab.

I don't know if you've watched My Mad Fat Diary, it's a UK comedy series but it was such a refreshing way frame mental illness and dismantled a lot of the tropes you discuss in your video! Really great take, just subscribed would love to see you do more of these!

@smfreij

Жыл бұрын

I loved that show! Thanks for reminding me, I need to watch it again.

tip / suggestion! : put in the scene when you’re talking about it. even if it’s just a still from the scene. it’s very hard to try and visualize or underhand when we can’t see. especially in parts yours explaining their outfits or the environment and how it looks.

@moeblackx

2 жыл бұрын

i wish i could !! i’ll try and include more clips movie studios are just so strict on copyright i don’t wanna edit for 8 hrs then get flagged 🫠

@_sunchildd

2 жыл бұрын

@@moeblackx i figured that was probably the reasoning 💛 looking forward to more deep dives from you!

this was a great video. the entire concept of the DUFF or even the general societal obsession with the “glow up” and “self worth by comparison and proximity” gotta go.

So crazy that they casted her and called her fat?! This also reminds of me of how these kind f movies shaped the diet culture at the time and how today almost every woman feels pressured to diet. It’s sad because half the time it doesn’t work

@brib6046

2 жыл бұрын

Unfortunately it’s more than half the time that it doesn’t work. And it often can cause lasting damage to their bodies.

@anyone1111

2 жыл бұрын

@@brib6046 yes. Like I can make a whole essay on the effects of that in the body and mentally. It’s awful. Been there too so looking back at my actions…. It was painfully obvious which is even more sad.

@msushi98

2 жыл бұрын

I grew up in the 2000s/early 2010s when skinny was still on trend and muscles/size 4+ was “manly” or “fat”. Still remember doing those egg diets and living off oats and apples and green tea and just making myself sick. Turns out I was always at a healthy weight and my body was just trying to save me

trigger warning for the jugghead scene 💀 but seriously this is my first time i am watching you and wow, i love your style sm. Obviously not the point but you are so beautiful. Now to the actual point of this video yeah,, this trope RLLY sucks and i think it’s lead to me (personally) internalizing a lot of fat phobia. Which is something I am trying to work against (but constantly failing at) You described this trope and it’s societal impact perfectly so thank you sm. Some media that I LOVE that i think treats the character with respect while also taking thier issue with thier weight seriously (which like always is-influenced by how fat phobic society is) is….. My Mad Fat Diary!!!! it’s genuinely one of my favorite shows. It (for me) really gets mental health right and is truly such a beautiful story. Rae is the main character and she has a love interest, and a group for friends, and a AMAZING therapist and still struggles with loving and caring for herself. I think the overall message for the show is that in some cases you truly have to live for YOURSELF, get better for you, and save yourself at your worst. That you are stronger than you believe yourself to be and worth taking risks for. There is also so much more you can get out from it but i don’t want this comment to be too long😭 lmk if you’ve watched it! it’s on hulu and it’s seriously so incredible. Trigger warning tho it does deal a lot with self harm, suicidal ideation, and internalized fat phobia. i think it’s really postive representation but then again i am thin!! so pls take me opinion with the thinnest grain of salt. dashaunharrison.com/desirability-do-you-really-love-fat-people-when-you-cant-even-see-us-beyond-the-political/ ^here is also another article that really called me out as a thin person, and takes pretty privilege to the next level with desirability politics. Sorry for the super long comment!! this video is amazing!!❤️

@moeblackx

2 жыл бұрын

omg yes!!! i love MFD i wanna do a video about it 🤔

@evasage14

2 жыл бұрын

@@moeblackx OMG YAY!! i would LOVE THAT!!

@jenskye2480

2 жыл бұрын

Yes!!!! MMFD is one of my favorite shows of all time! A comfort show I always return to :)

I really felt a lot like Julie in highschool.. i lived vicariously through my gorgeous older sister and friends who got to date and experience relationships-- I just thought that I wasn't pretty or impressive enough for that. When I got to college I hadn't even had my first kiss and I was shocked that anyone at all wanted to date me because I put myself in a box in high school through constant comparison and assumed that it would never happen for me. However, then I swung to the other extreme and felt like I could only get confidence from the validation of men. I'm now 26 and I feel so much different, which I'm so grateful for.

I do remember being called big as per my father growing up, being joked around about being fat, then with my other family about my eating, I remember many times that would impact me especially as a younger person, like you never forget that shit, and I go back to pictures and see myself and I know damn well that I look perfectly fine, and even though I didn't hate myself like that I did view myself very differently, I viewed myself as bigger than I actually was. I remember coming back from being at my friend's house during the summer, and there's a bit that happened regarding my mother but the main thing was as soon as she saw me come back and in the house she said I got bigger, and even if she saw me get bigger I was left to make do with smaller clothes because she never cared to help me get bigger clothes she left me to deal with in reality much less clothing to wear, I think I was only able to get clothes that fit me was after a bit when I got my job and my mom got me clothes for my job, and I even remember then that I was set on "I'm an XL" cause I was high key ashamed and felt horrible being bigger, like I lowkey felt like shit and it was almost as if I had failed at something. I'm 23 now and honestly I wear whatever the fuck I want and I am over all that bull, but I do get realizations still that help me see things a lot more clearly about family interacting with me and how I viewed myself as opposed to now. Like I wasn't the D.U.F.F in my friend group thank God, but I think if I was I would have felt more outwardly horrible about myself, that and I will always remember that my father said to me how is someone with abs gonna love me when I don't have any....that is something that came out of my father's fucking mouth and that will forever be in my memory, it still hurts to rememberthat, it makes more angry than sad, even if I had grown into who I am today.

@moeblackx

2 жыл бұрын

i’m so sorry you went through that angel!!! thank u for opening up and sharing with us. you’ve always been perfect as you are and i hope you know that 🥹🫶🏽

@nitrofairywing1541

2 жыл бұрын

@@moeblackx Thank you so much :)💕 I look back at pictures at when I was smaller and I see that I had always been a bigger girl in some capacity but had always looked perfectly fine, I be thinking to myself "I looked completely normal yall were trippin'!" 🤣

I feel bad cuz the book is wayyyyy wayyy better. There isn't even a mean girl. Like honestly they focus more on Bianca's personal life. In fact I don't think there is even a make over scene. 🤔 like the movie focuses too much on the duff aspect more than the story that the author was trying to convey.

@aperson-gv7yd

2 жыл бұрын

Yes! The movie is like the read the title of the book and just based it off that. The book is much more complex and doesn't follow the make over trope

@amandac6161

Жыл бұрын

also her friends are waaaaaay nicer and supportive and the power dynamics between wes and bianca are completely different like in the book wes isn't so horrible and bianca isn't constantly trying to get his attention

My mom's boyfriend loved these terms. I was actually severely underweight but because of my short stature (4'8") and scoliosis I had a permanent and ig prominent "love handle" and my torso was a little chunkier than would be proportioned to my twiggy limbs. He said that all of my friends probably only liked me because I made them look prettier by having a weird ugly body and fat face. Some of that actually turned out to be true. :(

@unijoulee

11 ай бұрын

i know this is an old comment but im so so sorry anyone would say such cruel horrible things to you. You deserve so much more love and kindness 💗 regardless of how we look as ppl, i promise if u have a good and kind heart, your true inner beauty will shine through always.

@neigeepierrot4694

10 ай бұрын

As someone with scoliosis also I am so he said that to you since everyone is beautiful and special and deserves to be treated with respect including you

Being oh-so-confident "Instead of a man validating her" thing is getting over-done now. Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with someone's love interest buffing them up. Yes, it's over-done possibly in older movies, but it's not inherently wrong, either. People are getting into this "don't need a man" syndrome and taking it too far. Everyone needs support, whether if it's from your "girlfriends" or your love interest or your family. While I do believe there should be more to the situation of her gaining or growing in confidence, for many people, confidence comes from a strong supportive foundation. I wish people understood that not everyone is that confident all the time, and that's a more relatable feeling than "I'm going to get up there and kill it" for some people. Overall, though I love this video content. Became a new sub today!

@moeblackx

2 жыл бұрын

agreed with the support system idea!! everyone truly does need love and encouragement- i just felt that carmen had so much love and support from her sisterhood and her family that her needing a boy she met that summer to hype her up felt out of character!! however i can totally see how new environment=change in confidence!! tysm for the support n amazing analysis 🤞🏼🤞🏼

@maddieclarke258

2 жыл бұрын

I think it would also be interesting to explore how craving validation and especially male validation feels as someone who doesn’t receive it. You know you shouldn’t want it and that genuine female/platonic validation is better for you, but that part of you feels like there’s something wrong because you don’t receive the same male validation as your “prettier friends”. It’s that feeling of “my friends are only saying nice things because their my friends and maybe I’ll believe them when someone else says the same. Sorry for the rant but no media talks about that ugly side of validation 😅

@islabee94

2 жыл бұрын

You're conflating finding confidence from within/not relying on male validation with being completely alone with no support system whatsoever. Thats disingenuous. Needing a man to want you in order to feel complete or confident isn't healthy. That doesn't mean that it isn't a wonderful glowy, happy feeling that gives you a boost. But if its what you mainly rely on for confidence, get ready to feel like you're absolutely nothing when your boyfriend leaves you or your relationship ends, or you get older and less validated by men in general. It's a quick fix and it's not sustainable. Wanting someone is not the same as needing someone.

@tiahnarodriguez3809

Жыл бұрын

@@islabee94 Facts, and this is where people get confused or misinterpret characters who are confidant in their own right and accept the occasional male and female attention, but don’t need it to thrive, and the characters who aren’t confidant in their own right and solely use male attention to garner a false sense of worth mixed up. They’re two totally different vibes, and I wish more people would be aware of this not just in media, but also irl cuz as you said this is why so many people feel like sh-t. They haven’t figured out how to balance and separate their own idea of worth with outside attention.

@mem5091

Жыл бұрын

So U prefer pick-mes and girls who get breast implants, and dress half naked for the male gaze?

Reminded me of Bring It On 4 (2004 I think?) And that scene where Hayden Panettiere's character is "forced" to tell another cheerleader that she's too fat. I definitely internalized that scene harder than I should've but I had just started cheerleading in middle school and was the tallest girl in my class and have naturally thicker legs. I always felt awkward and out of place with the shorter thinner girls and that movie "confirmed" my own insecurities lol ugh

Thank you so much for making this video 😭❤️ your commentary was literally flawless, it is so nice to finally have these characters and their portrayals recognized

This is an important video. I’m not by any means fat, I’ve always been small/average size. But I’ve found it so weird how a lot media and society treat larger bodies and anything outside a largely Eurocentric beauty standard. It’s so bad that characters written to be fat are actually average sized women. It’s confusing and damaging for people.

I liked America Ferrera’s character better in Real Women Have Curves over Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, but there were still problematic scenes in that film too.

Loved this video so much! Especially the part where you highlight that people assigned a "duff" or any type of conventionally unattractive label are expected to just accept shitty treatment because they are supposed to be grateful that they're allowed to participate in society or something?? Just the idea of it is so messed up yet it is so explicit in this kind of movies and generally acceptable, it's bizarre. Also the fact that they would cast someone who would otherwise be described as "slender" in an "ugly fat friend" role is something I haven't paid as much attention to before (I haven't watched many movies (like, in general) and am only starting my journey of trying to understand how cinematic art and media shaped our society, please bear with my ignorant bum if you can), I'm learning a lot from it. I like your highlight on how you don't imply that plus-sized people must lose weight while it is implied that the people cast should although they have no possible reason to. The way I understood it and would convey it myself to avoid misunderstanding, since many body types have no reason to lose weight (I understand you meant societal reasons as well, so mostly just rephrasing), is that they specifically cast people for whom losing weight might potentially be detrimental or dangerous health-wise. Would bet money that people who choose/approve of this type of casting and writing are the ones wondering why EDs are so common.

i’m so excited to see more video essays from u 💞💞 this is so good

@moeblackx

2 жыл бұрын

thank you so much😭😭

This is a great video, and I agree with so much of what you’re saying! I did go back and watch the scene from Lady Bird with the sandwiches as well, because I was shocked they would blatantly show lady bird throwing away Julie’s lunch. However, in the scene, Lady Bird is holding a lunch her Mom made for her, and Julie drives up with two new lunches in hand - she hands one to Lady Bird and keeps the other in her right hand, which makes it hard to see - but Lady Bird threw out the lunch her mother made her, not Julie’s lunch! Just to emphasize Lady Bird’s disdain toward her mother. Besides that, all your points were super valid and this was an awesome video essay!

i adore you so i’m so excited you’re doing video essays

@moeblackx

2 жыл бұрын

🥲🥲 thank you sm i cant wait to keep posting hehe

Love this!

@moeblackx

2 жыл бұрын

YOURE LYING omg i swear you and mina are the reason i started doing essays 🥹

ok this video is literally sooooo good. keep these video essays coming omg!!

Baby please do the fat phobia in the 2000s because OOOOO YOU WILL DO IT JUSTICE

Sincere question: how do you support a friend (skinny or not) who put themselves down, especially for their weight? I had (skinny) friends like that in highschool and at the beginning I would say things like "You're beautiful" or "There is no reason why you should change the way your body looks", but after some time I realized that didn't help them at all and their comments started to get to me, having been very insecure about my body myself. I had to stop being close friends with them because they had a harmful influence on me and myself stopped ever making comments about my body or saying things like "I wish I looked like that/was skinnier". So, really, how can you be a good friend to people like that (apart from maybe leading by example, which I tried, and failed) when supporting them doesn't work?

@tylerd8289

2 жыл бұрын

If they won't accept your support and won't stop this kind of talk on their own, you need to set a boundary with them about how their talk about body image. It's really sweet to that you're coming at this from the angle of being more supportive but you have to put yourself first and you cannot be responsible for someone else's body image. Let them know that you care about them and want to see them happy and confident but that for your own sake they can't keep talking like that around you because it is damaging to you and by extension your friendship. If you want to and you have the capacity for it, maybe you can encourage them to open up about how they're feeling on a deeper level once on a while instead of making self-deprecating comments all the time, or encourage them to talk to someone else, be it another friend, a family member, or even a dietician or therapist who specializes in healthy body image. But you don't have to. In any successful relationship you have to take care of yourself first or it won't last.

@s1b3r11

Жыл бұрын

@@tylerd8289 Imagine being a person with an unhealthy weight (whether it's anorexia or obesity) and realizing that your weight IS the danger to your health. So you try to change it but as there is no immediate results you grow frustrated and unhappy. Then that one 'friend' comes along and says stuff like "You're beautiful" or "There is no reason why you should change the way your body looks" and generally trying to gaslight you into not changing to a better, healthier lifestyle....what a great 'friend' that is.... If your friend really happens to have weight related problem support them and reassure them that their weight have no influence on how you see or treat them but don't gaslight them into thinking everything is ok.

I love this vid so much, I’m very much interested in video essays about 90s/early 2000s media and this is perfect

Just thinking out loud and I'd be curious to know if anyone else kind of feels this way, but I can really and truly say that I've had plenty of duff moments in my life...still do actually. I definitely agree that media is a bit of cesspool of capitalizing on people's insecurities, but some of these tropes are at least partly based in some messed up version of truth. I used to dance a lot and we frequented this salsa bar. It never failed that they would have people invite them to dance all night. We go hang out and I've literally been bumped out of the way as someone tried to approach one of my friends. Now look, I keep myself up, I consider myself a bit of a fashionista so I am always tidy and put together, but boy those moments sure do stick with me even now in my 30s. Unfortunately, I think it's a wider societal issue, not just media. Media is just a byproduct. And, sometimes I think women weaponize it against each other occasionally. I think at the end of the day, the duff label might be large self ascribed because of no external *positive* feedback. My friends are great and supportive and have never made me feel less than, but it was and is hard not wonder when the rest of the world isn't equally validating. Great vid, BTW!!!

@matrix2297

2 жыл бұрын

This happened to me a lot in high school and the years following...once in Japan my friend cut this guy off in the line and I was trying to let her know but she just went ahead anyway (she didn't realise but it looked intentional and rude). Anyway she went forth, and the guy started talking to her and then once I got my order sorted we stepped aside. Then he walked over about 3 minutes later and beelined for my friend and completely ignored me lol. I've always had a good sense of humour and I understand human behaviour and its follies so I find people like that hilarious because it's so unapologetic. If he was suave and actually had charisma he would have introduced himself to us both and then asked for her number, but instead we stood in the middle of Tokyo station and he actually thought it served him to ignore me in front of my best friend of 10 years..she especially then was above average attractive, sort of looks like a shorter Margot Robbie (not exaggerating) so she was used to being centre of attention and I don't think she even noticed how many people would get ignored in her presence. After I lost a lot of weight and looked very different, started putting more into my appearance etc. combined with the dgaf attitude I already had, people started to behave weirdly. Acting surprised when guys asked me out or staring me down like a dared to no longer be the fat frumpy semi-depressed person that they felt made them feel ok about the fact they didn't have to work as hard on their personalities...I tell people all the time to cultivate the soul and just take care of your body. Real recognises real and the benefit of superficial jerks being disrespectful is that you know immediately not to deal with them.

@astoldbynickgerr

2 жыл бұрын

Definitely

@luna1r

Жыл бұрын

yep i definitely agree. i also had some moments where i was with a group of female friends and a male group would approach us and ask everyone to introduce themselves, whereas i was practically invisible and just got ignored. it really, really hurts.

The Duff as a book is really good. They did what they always do in movies and pit a skinny girl against skinnier friends whereas in the book she’s actually plus sized. Like if I remember correctly she shopped at plus size stores.

you’re one of my biggest fashion inspirations! love your channel

@moeblackx

2 жыл бұрын

😭😭love you angel thank you sm

In the DUFF, she is not supposed to be plus size per say, the guy tells her duffs aren´t always plus size. Her friends aren´t friend with the meany, they go to her party because they want to go to a party but they stick to Bianca and make clear they´re taking her to the party and actually are kind of dissing the meany. Bianca is not the second choice, it´s a typical "I am with the popular girl because I feel I should but you´re the one I love", also he probably didn´t even realize she liked him. Second choice is if the meany had dumped him and he went to Bianca as a back up. One of the movies I find most problematic is "bring it on all or nothing" with Hayden Pannettiere and Solange Knowles. In that movie, Hayden is captain cheerleader of her school and has to move to another school where Solange is the Captain cheerleader. In her previous school, there is a girl who must be a size 4-6, and they say she´s overweight, the meany of the movie even calls her a cow. She is permanently seen eating some chocolate or chips. In the new school, Giovonnie Samuels is one of cheerleaders and is also called fat and permanently eating in the movie.

Wow! This was a great video essay, especially for ur first time! Sending u all the love and vibes to keep up the great work 💞💞✨✨✨

@moeblackx

2 жыл бұрын

🥲🥲 thank you sm it means the 🌎

I normally never comment but love love loveeee your vibes and the topics you’re speaking off and exploring a different perspective then im used to seeing. Just wanted to say you’re appreciated and you’ve got a new subscriber😁

My friends in hs basically cast me as their own duff. I was the supporting character with zingy one liners.

I never understood what the “duff” stereotype was so thank you for educating me!

Was thinking abt how good your video quality is then realised you only have 3k subs like HOW??!

@moeblackx

2 жыл бұрын

thank you sm i try 🥹🫶🏽

I was excited to watch this all day. I was not disappointed!! You made so many good points. When I was younger, watching these types of movies wasn’t easy.

@moeblackx

2 жыл бұрын

yay tysm babe!! and i agree - having these type of films as your only representation as a kid was super sad :/

thank you for this video, so calming and educating! please do more video essays :)

your vibe is very much everything i need right now

@moeblackx

2 жыл бұрын

ilysm

Pls pls pls do more video essays!! I love the genre and I'd love to hear your thoughts on more stuff! Will follow rn 😊

thank you so much. ive been in a super rough spot with my body image and ive been looking for some good plus size youtubers. loved the video!

Jeez the things people used to call "fat" 🙄

I remember crying to the duff movie bc I felt like that was what my life was gonna come out to be since I was like the main character.

I always thought Nicole was the most beautiful one, she was one of my biggest fashion muses growing up. But yes I hate this trope too! Comparing looks and pinning woman against each other is so toxic 💕

Bless the algorithm and bless you for this vid 🙏 I wanted to add that this kind of trope perpetuated in media and culture, on top of being fat-shaming, body-shaming, ED-encouraging, misogynistic, and vile, also encourages woman-on-woman competitive hating. I really, really dislike media that teaches women, and especially young girls, to pit themselves against each other in a super unhealthy way that basically boils down to trying to beat out everyone else and "win" the male gaze (🤢). It's gross, it's unproductive, it creates shitty dynamics and teaches us to be divided against each other. Patriarchal bs! No thx.

@roccafille

Жыл бұрын

This comment 💯!!

Ok I’m currently 30 seconds in, new to your channel and am thanking the algorithm for bringing me here. Your intro is perfection and your fit immaculate. I’m pumped the for 29:09 remaining in the video

I remember my best friends family trying to insinuate that I was a duff when we were 12 years old when in reality, we were the same shape and size at the time. My face was slightly thinner than hers though. It was so toxic in my eyes to hear them whispering about us and insulting me. The main comment I would hear was 'she dresses like a little boy' with multiple comments that either called me gross or gave me a "... I'm literally a child- wth-" feeling. And again, we were the same exact size... Even right now, we don't talk, but still the same size, she's just three inches taller 😭💀

I immediately subscribed after this video this was so well thought out and also you’re stunning and also I loved this video! Much love! ❤️❤️❤️

@moeblackx

2 жыл бұрын

ahhh ily 🫶🏽

you are so gorgeous ahh, and great job on your first video essay! congrats

What I liked about Carmen is that she was the smart girl of the group and normally Latino characters are not portrait at smart, they are portrait as sexy or feisty. I like to see another Latina that wasn’t like ultra sexy and being the smart one that ends up in and Ivy League School (she goes to Yale). Also, when I saw the movie in my teen years I didn’t like Carmen’s storyline, but now I like it more because it centers on her relationship with her father and more specifically the lack of it. Part of the problem of the dress scene is that the dress was custom made. Instead of asking for her measurements, Carmen’s dad gave the measurements and he got them all wrong because he haven’t seen her in a while and it shows that HE DOESN’T REALLY KNOW HER. That’s why they were looking for way to get more fabric to extend the dress or start from scratch. I didn’t felt that it was badly written because all the moments with her father and her feeling like an outsider from this new family were building up as her story progressed until the moment she exploded. I would also be mad if my father didn’t told me he had a new family, that he was getting married, didn’t want to do activities with me because he had to preoccupied with the wedding, and my father wouldn’t even bother to ask for my measurements for a wedding that I didn’t knew was happening. It wouldn’t make sense to give her a knew dress because first it was custom made and second the idea of this scene is to trigger Carmen for her to explode. I agree that the writers could used another subject non-related to her weight, but at least this scene makes sense plot wise and is important.

i was the 1000th like! congrats! i just found your channel and i enjoyed this video! i remember watching “the duff” for the first time and crying a lot about it because it was relatable. even though i’m not over weight i was just always chosen last for everything out of my friend group and didn’t have the “pretty privilege” like others💀

i LOVE ur intro and i LOVE ur look ugh aesthetic queen

Incredible video essay, and so well researched! I highly recommend Booksmart to everyone. It's one of my favorite movies ever, and I love that they didn't treat Beanie as a DUFF AT ALL.

The few friends I kept in school, who still always held me at a little emotional distance, cut me off entirely when I lost about half my weight and started to look very different. Suddenly, I didn't serve as a crutch for their egos and insecurities, and they had to face the fact that they didn't even really know who I was outside of being the friend that made them look "more attractive". Worse still, I was happier, healthier, in love, getting new experiences and opportunities that they didn't think I was supposed to have. I was supposed to enrich those experiences FOR THEM, as an extra in THEIR story.

Thanks for a great video! Very insightful points. I love the movie ladybird and I never even thought about the duff overtones lol.

This video essay was SOOOOOOOO good, the ending statement gave me chills. I only learned what the duff is, but omg I lived it when I was growing up. I never felt important or pretty, and the few POC characters that appeared in films and were also duffs, like your point with America's character, confirmed it for me. It took YEARS to shed that mentality, but damn it hurt. Your video is on point and I feel seen, thank you!!

i have a very vivid memory of crying after watching the movie duff is the cinema with my two (skinnier) friends bc i felt so bad about myself 😃🥲 for ages i was convinced ppl only kept me around so that their flaws seem silly

@pluet_2003

2 жыл бұрын

right? like watching the movie didn't make feel good or that it was "ok to be a duff", i just wondered if i was one and like re-evaluated all my friendships lol

@azrasophie4381

2 жыл бұрын

@@pluet_2003 yeah exactly! still working on unlearning that way of looking my friendships tbh

@pluet_2003

2 жыл бұрын

​@@azrasophie4381 yea, like im slightly thinner than my best friends just by nature, and looks wise, we're all around the same, but i still wondered bc i always felt the trio was more of a duo and i feel separate from them. not a great way to feel :(

not my dumbass thinking Duff was short for Hilary Duff and spending the first 5 mins of the video working out how she's connected

I'm obsessed with your style omg girlllll you're amazing!!! Great video

Oh my godddd!!!! This is suuuch a good videooooo!!! Love love love amazing video essay 👏🏼👏🏼💓💓💓

@moeblackx

2 жыл бұрын

🥺 thank you angel

nothing but facts!!! you’re iconic i love listening to you & cant wait for more vids like this 🤍

@moeblackx

2 жыл бұрын

love you sm thank u angel 🫀

yesss this is fantastic video essay if u have more topics ur into i would love to see more❤️❤️

i can't stop looking at your hands, your nails are so pretty and weirdly captivating/pos

I loveee your commentary on this, my only wish is that there were more snippets to illustrate what you were saying.

@moeblackx

2 жыл бұрын

i wish i could!! they’re super strict about copyright with movie clips

AAHHHH you have a deathly hollows tat!! Looks so good

THANK YOU FOR ADDRESSING THE CASTING OF MID SIZED WOMEN FOR PLUS SIZE ROLES, i grew up thinking i was fat and led to years of trying to lose weight and just disordered eating. people think it’s not a big deal doing this but it can be so harmful

I felt the same way when I watched the duff. I didn't understand why Bianca would be with someone who treated her so badly. The ending was haphazard and forced as well.

Love your vibe, your style, and your insight! Subscribed and can't wait to see more :)

Woowww love love love this video. You are so well spoken. When you began to look at those movie under an other lense you began to see why women hate themselves so much. We had internalize fat phobia and misogyny so much it’s hard to see sometimes. Thank you for this video. 🥰🥰🥰🥰

My friend group told me I was their duff and that’s why they loved having me around…? We stopped being friends because the way I reacted to being called a duff was “out of character”. What?

@ThePeachyCat

Жыл бұрын

Wtf good you don't have this friends anymore.

This was hard to watch. The whole idea of "duff" makes me too paranoid in my friend groups. But thank you for making a watchable video essay. Also, a good video idea- if you haven't done it- is what the press said about Britney Spears after the 2007 VMA performance in a black bikini during some of her worst times, going through divorce with 2 babies, the paparazzi hounding her and her personal life crumbling. While she was noticeably mentally out of it, all anyone spoke about was her BODY. No one mentioned her missing a few moves (in the beginning). I was working as a journalist at a newspaper covering music in NYC. That night of the VMAs I was in the office. I'll never forget a male co-worker turning to me, a plus size woman, after Britney performed and saying "Can you believe Brit wore that?!? Doesn't she have a mirror?" I replied (and I'm surprised I said anything), "I WISH I looked that good in a black bikini." And he wasn't the last one to say it. Multiple fellow woman also said the same thing, and I replied the same statement. It seems other pressrooms were thinking the same thing, and the rags printed the same harsh and demeaning stories about Britney's bodies. (Thankfully my own paper didn't end up commenting on Britney's body. What I had to do to stop that getting printed I wouldn't want anyone to go through). This video brought back a lot of flashbacks and things I'm not really dealing with.

10:11 I saw the movie and what I like about it is at the end she goes with a style that’s more her and based off how she dressed at the start of the movie. In fact, how is her style hiding her personality at all? It seems very strange. With the kind of girl she is her costuming makes sense as it’s very in line with costuming for most other similar characters esp around that time

I just found your channel and this video is amazingly well done & im not even finished yet, very engaging and interesting, I hope you get back into it ❤️

Love this video essay 😍😍!! New sub. I wasn’t even aware this had a name. Totally agree with the things you observed. Great essay! You are so pretty by the way!

i love this so much!! it's amazingly written and wonderful to hear as a fat person who grew up with all this media and it's toxic ideas, thank you so much for this!! i honestly can't wait to see more of your work 💜

I think this video is going to blow up!

that might just be the cutest youtube intro i've ever seen

While I was not a "duff" I was the designated ugly cousin, since during my school years everyone got along quite well, with little to no bullying. But as I said I was the ugly cousin. And while I was skinny, being undesirable and ugly was a characteristic often implied by my extended family. To the point where even my aunt once was shocked when she learnt that I had some friends. And again even though I was skinny these movies were the ones we were exposed to growing up. So naturally I grew up with a fear of gaining weight. That fear and those incidents are part of what lead me to where I am today; a 32 year old woman with body dysmorphia, was told that I was on the verge of an eating disorder. And I cannot look at my face for too long without picking up on its flaws (although this also stems from my OCD, and the need to keep a clean and clear face).

I’m so glad the algorithm blessed me with this recommendation💕

Loved this video! smmm!!! u should def do a video essay on the rampant fatphobia of the 2000s

This was such an amazing watch. Thank you for making this video

more video essays pls

came from IG, love this so much!!

@moeblackx

2 жыл бұрын

hi baeee😌

I remember one of my friends out of my three group trip called me the duff. I remember that and still internalize it to this day and tbh she was right not because I’m fat(I was VERY skinny) maybe because I’m ugly but also I am black. Black girls in all white or predominantly white spaces esp at a time when being black/black culture wasn’t outwardly seen as cool was the worst 😭

Omg, you’re literally only the second or third plus size person I’ve seen on the platform, and KZread actually recommended me your video! I’m fat, and while I appreciate skinny KZreadrs taking time to talk about fatphobia, it’s just not the same as hearing about it from someone who actually knows. If anyone has recommendations for other people to watch, please tell me! The only other person I see consistently is Mickey Atkins (licensed therapist, fat, femme, POC, Pleeease go check her out, she’s super rad)

your burp had me dead, i do that all the time hahah