The discard is the start of the actual warfare... You will be in a fight to reclaim your mind and soul. Takes about a year to see the full battleground and fight all the battles. Most of the battles will be you against you. Do not give up.

@jaymestratton6235

Жыл бұрын

Yes I am at the 15 month mark and I am seeing it all clearly and do not want them back finally!!!!

@LordRothschild666

Жыл бұрын

​@@jaymestratton6235 why

@lynjames4306

Жыл бұрын

Excellent comments exactly the way it is after this Narcissistic person has used you in the most cruel way 😢

@jaymestratton6235

Жыл бұрын

@@LordRothschild666 why what??! Why would I want my narcissistic abuser back?!

@LordRothschild666

Жыл бұрын

@jaymestratton6235 These all seem like labels of separation

They come back when the sources they are finding are not up to par for them or they are comparing those sources to us. It is hard finding good people overall for people without NPD, let alone for a narcissist to find people who will put up with their crap for so long. Us empaths want the relationship to work so we are willing to put up with all of the garbage that they dish out until we finally realize who and what they are. Once strength and indifference sets in, life is so much more peaceful without them!

@cathy_clarinet

Жыл бұрын

The good news is, that indifference does eventually happen. You do get sick of it 🙄

@catlady6938

Жыл бұрын

@@cathy_clarinet when you have indifference you know you have won

@lysabelle3990

Жыл бұрын

100 percent this.

@daniellemorse6929

Жыл бұрын

@@cathy_clarinet Yes, it does. It takes a bit to get to that point with time, healing, and working on ourselves knowing that we were not the problem. I can't believe that a few months ago I was destroyed over losing someone who was not worth my time or tears. I hope you're staying strong!

@CD-DMV

Жыл бұрын

The indifference is the best part. Just like they all of a sudden snap into an unwarranted rage....us empaths snap into complete indifference. We've gone supernova!! Game over!

It's not over until you say no to the Hoovers! They always come back because everyone on this earth didn't do what they were supposed to do. Remember attachment disorder. It's them not you.

@lamentate07

Жыл бұрын

Yes, especially if they feel they have 'unfinished business' to complete.

@dlm2133

Жыл бұрын

It's both. More so on my end really. It created a soul tie and a trauma bond. I'm breaking it but it's very difficult. He's moved on and busy with whatever they do. They acquire a harem.

Trauma bonds don’t work w me. Any narc who tries that manipulation on me gets the boot. Narcs are like cavemen and they are not attractive. Much love and light sent to anyone dealing w a narcie. You deserve way better than what a narc offers and life is way too short to put up w any abuse. Take good care of you❤️

@420blowingsmoke

Жыл бұрын

we as humans are all imperfect n we all display characteristics of all types of things. don't be assuming just because somebody shows a few traits of a narcissist that they are actually a narcissist.

@theab5867

Жыл бұрын

You’re comment made me think sooo deeply ❤😰 thank you.

@420blowingsmoke

Жыл бұрын

I have noticed narcissistic people running around calling other people narcissistic just saying

@pauliinem27

Жыл бұрын

Yes but then you ask yourself does it really matter… Narc or not? but does this relationship work for me? Not so important the exact dignosis as how they treat you.

@Klein101

Жыл бұрын

🤘😎👍...ditto💪

I wasn't discarded, what I was aware of was that this person was a narcissist and therefore SICK. I developed an exit plan carried that plan out and LEFT the whole state. All this was done I figured out later. IM 2yrs out, I developed my plan because I was so angry that he targeted me in the first place (So angry)!! I TOOK CLOSURE.

@smarternow

Жыл бұрын

I did the same thing. He was leaving a lot and then announced he was on Ed shots and pills for someone else! Refused to touch me. I took notes. I planned my own exit before this lying, cheating Narc husband could! He is evil!

@isobelle.London

Жыл бұрын

I wish I was like you I knew something was wrong 😑

@chadcoffman5524

Жыл бұрын

You are not alone

@michaeljackson7361

Жыл бұрын

I ask myself what did I do to deserve this bs. You must be a good person. They pick people that they wish they could be like. They got evil in them.

@lilkr8844

Жыл бұрын

Yessss!!!! Bad ass love it I wish I had of been that smart

Trauma bond is what's killing me. I've kept the no contact for several years,but the trauma bond is still there. This pain and torture is unbearable. This man has such a hold on me even though I've kept no co tact with him. I have this internal battle every day and it won't stop. I wake up he's the first thing I think about and before I go to sleep he is the last. I don't know when this will end, but I will keep on fighting for my life and happiness.

@stephlm79

Жыл бұрын

Look up Melanie Tonia Evans.. she works on the trauma bond and cutting the psychic tie. It’s worth a try. Good luck!

@jpogera9939

Жыл бұрын

Huggs

@ciaracopeland4901

Жыл бұрын

Me too. 10 months of hell

@Angel-gp6tx

Жыл бұрын

Have you had a boyfriend since him? It is very hard. When you don't want to think of someone. But when you do, force your mind to think of something else.

@nabszurah8705

Жыл бұрын

Am dealing with the same thing

My realization came when I googled "What does it mean when your partner disappears on you without explanation?" I was baffled. Googles response floored me. It was, "It is a malicious act." I asked an honest question and never expected this response. I was as blindsided by that response as I was by him disappearing. I sat frozen and let it sink in. Yes, it was a malicious act but I would have never come up with that conclusion. It was the truth. Later, I sign into my You Tube account and there on my page were at least 2 therapists ready to explain to me what a narcissist was. My life began to change. I've never been the same and I'll never go back. Now, I know. I know the truth, and much of what I came to realize was not just about him, is was also about who I am. I like me, I do not like him or anyone like him. One of my better attributes, I'm good at not caring too much about what others think, because most of the time, I realize, they're not my friends.

@cassondrapickett7752

Жыл бұрын

Peace love and prosperity Nancy, God bless. Pray and God is going to reveal SOOOOOOO MUCH MORE about this spirit to you!

@annadesimone5628

Жыл бұрын

The same thing happened to me!! I googled, why would a person coldy break up with you for no reason? And then the realizations set in! Much love to you! So glad we are not alone in our healing journeys! ❤️

@eddietumlin6835

Жыл бұрын

That is the exact same way I found out. Crazy thing is I educated myself and still went back a few times. It’s now been 7 months since ive spoken to or seen her.

@Ferrys1220

Жыл бұрын

@@eddietumlin6835 Isn’t it amazing how google just tells you? guess trauma bonding made you perceive you want her again.. Glad you are healing nicely.More power to you.

@gozitan5

Жыл бұрын

Sympathise with you having just experienced the same disappearance without any reason or explanation after investing my whole self into her.

Anyone going through this, you will get through it, I promise. I thought I wouldn't, I was so so traumatised after a decade of abuse from a toxic partner and his adult kids. It was a demonic cult. He was a widower with an extremely poisonous mother in-law. Pure evil! But guess what, I left, got out, and now I've found my wings! You will recover 😊

EXit stays EXit!! Let them hoover till their last breath. Nothing better than your peace. Give your attention to those who deserve it.

@1380576

Жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂 that’s savage I will let him do that

@jonathanomahony688

Жыл бұрын

So true stay away and never look back.

I went through this so many times,most of the time I left him, but I kept taking him back each time he got worse, I think I thought he would change until I realised that was never going to happen and that he was a malignant narcissist the worst of them, very cruel, evil and vindictive. Then I caught him cheating he tried gaslighting me to say it didn’t happen but enough was enough I walked away for good. I found out afterwards he had 3 other women all at the same time, each one was a lower standard than the last,they have all left him now and he has no one. It hurt in the beginning but any love I felt for him died, by the end I felt nothing but complete indifference, I went no contact and blocked him. I have since run into him but just ignored him, I still feel nothing, he killed any feelings I had for him. I hope one day that you survivors get to where I am, when you are there you know you are healed.

@saraumar3295

Жыл бұрын

He killed my love for him and I am healing finally

@seeingthelightnowandforeve9479

Жыл бұрын

@@saraumar3295 I dont know what im doing ? Im getting tested and dont know whos a con and whos real.. i appologise gees .. i didnt meant to cause any troubles.. yet im constanly in trouble.. i cant sing to songs or say a word gees... I've said it so many times .. i dont get it..

@lucypalsgrove9210

Жыл бұрын

Yes, I am free of him. But have trust issues now with others!!

@pearpo

Жыл бұрын

“Change” Even if you are a person who believes that people change when they want to, not because someone wants them to, these types harm you so bad even the most self-aware can begin to fantasize an out of the suffering. That’s when they pitch “change” to see if you will swing at it. Even if it is reflective unconscious part of their nature, it is cold calculating and not loving. Their goal is to keep you small, they view relationships as a battlefield a constant tit for tat. Not as a team player, the way a stable relationship works, to achieve shared goals and personal goals alike.

What you need to understand is that the discard is Gods protection on you! You were saved and you dodged a bullet! You would have gone through life as a tool used by this sick toxic person only for their needs; you never really mattered or existed! You were there to just be used like in a transaction and if u gave em what they wanted then u get a lil something! Totally consumptive one way relationship! The great times you shared were all fake! Sorry to tell you; they were just going along giving you what u wanted in order to get you hooked; once they had you then the devalue starts and their real colors come out! So think of that when u miss them! You will come to a place where you will say how did I allow this and almost think you were on drugs to have been with that person; they need help cause they’re usually emotionally immature insecure selfish toddlers! Become greater version than before learn and move forward but thank God he saved you! God bless you all and Anoushka!!

@michellemokone3344

Жыл бұрын

Amen to that! I really believe God saved me.. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

@addisonsmith1883

Жыл бұрын

Amen Glory to God! 🙏🏽💕

Thank God I ve met you on youtube before hoovering takes place.I totally prepared myself .And that day came.Bammmm🤯Absolute gray rocking🎊He tasted his own medicine.Knowledge is the power.Period.When you put your emotinal thinking aside then the game they want to play becomes more fair💪Blood to blood,teeth to teeth

@johnc.3925

Жыл бұрын

Amen. They don't have object permanence or remembrance of what we did for them, sacrifice and suffering is what you're supposed to do. and then sit there and languish the abandonment. They are vapid.

I appreciate you more than I could ever express in words. I have been married to a narcissist for more than 41 years...my entire adult life. I filed for divorce almost a year ago and there has been one delay after another. He told me that he would never divorce me, and it appears as though he's trying to be in control of everything by refusing to comply with court orders. It's all just so crazy. I made the decision to move on with my life and he will not stop me! I'm in therapy and will continue to focus on me. God bless you all!🙏🏽

@smarternow

Жыл бұрын

Mine has also not complied with the courts for 19 months. They love the control and they could careless about Jude’s, the law etc.

@tinajones5548

Жыл бұрын

So sorry you're going through this , my story is similar. You are being punished for the audacity to leave ( like me ) I kept telling myself he's panicking, having a tantrum and scared. All these emotions caused my idiot to do stupid stuff through the divorce which ultimately exposed him. DON'T BACK DOWN, they will throw in the towel. They don't like being exposed ( by a female solicitor, barrister and judge ) !!! or they get tired and move on. Whatever the reason they GO it's a win for us. Good luck stay focused....

@peacefulpath222

Жыл бұрын

@@tinajones5548 you’ve just hit the nail on the head with Darrell Brooks. He’s using all his manipulative tricks because the judge is a woman & he clearly has zero respect for women. I wonder how he’d act if it was a male judge - possibly the same but not as extreme…

@elsie8966

Жыл бұрын

Wow my now narc ex was with his last girlfriend before me for 9 years. She's remained "friends" with him. I'll always remember going round his house and seeing her name in biro with a heart on his kitchen table and her framed pictures he'd finally taken off the wall were still leaning at the side of his TV unit. It was crazy. As time went on he would constantly be in contact with her and every few days he'd be banging on about her. Even slipping up calling her my misses. It was the reason we split up after just 18 months I had simply taken all I could. The abuse was getting worse. He had drained me financially. Can I ask was he always cheating on you? I know he did get involved elsewear when in the longterm relationship. It just was like he never had any patience with me at all but he was very bitter about the ex and half the time was quite mean about her.

@smarternow

Жыл бұрын

@@elsie8966 he may have been with her for years behind my back. He said to me shortly after we got married, “wait until you see what I am going to do to you.” Evil just pure evil. So sorry we are all going or have gone through this.❤️💪🏼🙏🏼

Excellent video. They do come back when they discover the grass is not always greener on the other side.

Bottom line, the narc is sick. They are not capable of having a normal give and take relationship. They will fool you, but only so they can then, in turn, manipulate and dominate you. If they are gone, keep it that way. Do not give them one more word, or minute of your time. That is where you will get your strength back. Don't give them a second thought and move on from them.

Its brutal going through this 1x let alone doing it over. I haven't took my ex narc back nor will i EVER. But this is so cruel and painful i only hope to recover soon and find my way back to me...

@xxjtprocraftxx2282

Жыл бұрын

It's hard the 2nd time especially when I could just message her .

The final stage is being stuck with or without the narc. The narc is watching You to see if You suffer. That gives them suply... They love to see your attachment because it makes drama possible... they love drama.

I found love letters from every woman my ex had been with saved in boxes in the basement. He clearly kept them to reread over time. I destroyed them all.

The pain can just surround you, one minute you are fine the next you are falling apart, but you need it to heal without feeling it you will return, I am 2 years out and you will find keys like the parents of the narcissist had terrible dynamics, also most of these people felt abandoned, they lived in this conditioning for so long that they are empty to survive. You win once you feel the pain work through it find your own triggers and are able to understand your own worth and value. We are all energy and once you bond you are absorbing this bad energy and they are energy vampires once they bring you down they have to find someone else because they need supply but it is nothing more than a dog chasing it’s tale. If you step back, learn your triggers, feel the pain, gain knowledge you will attract what you thought you had. Study healthy relationships, love yourself more and you will not want this low level energy and you will thrive and be a better person overall. This was a catalyst to make you better, stronger, and more resilient. Trust in the process and let go and you will be amazed and your pain will turn to gratitude towards this person. And that my friends is your closure you will never need it from a person like this because they rely only on the outside, there is nothing inside. They were never a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, but they forced you to go inside and then become this. Whatever you pace just do it because this is not real love but addictive behavior and it can be intoxicating but your brain is being tricked so step back and become the butterfly you were meant to be. As the collective works through these terrible connections we help everyone to understand the power of being accountable to yourself. Once you love yourself you are never alone.

@Design_Your_Soule

Жыл бұрын

I love everything you wrote and conveyed in your message , it's gained by experience and knowledge from healing and moving away from all this Toxicity

Narcs are dream killers. The antidote is to formulate better dreams, and next time, act with caution! Good luck, everyone. 😎👌

He always came back, until one day he didn't. Now he's with someone else. I blocked him and have no social media platforms for him to get in touch with me if he wanted to. We occasionally work together, havent seen him since but I'm dreading it. Work and my house were my safe space but his presence lingers and I have no mental peace. Constant memories play over and over. My God the pain is so bad, I'm literally dying inside!😢😢

@HANZELVANDERLAAY

Жыл бұрын

I'm 16 months ahead..and it gets better....good luck to you🌻🌻

@Gellybeanb1974

Жыл бұрын

God I'm so sorry your going through this. I have had a hard time stopping the thoughts also* bUt if we don't we'll go crazy & be giving them more of us> I don't know about you? But I've given him enough of my life & thoughts Married for 40 years* God Bless You*

@tinabianchi1572

Жыл бұрын

@@Gellybeanb1974 Thank you for your words of encouragement! God bless you as well.

@elsie8966

Жыл бұрын

I know mines currently allover a busy body I knew for years. Deleted the nosy cow of my fb 3 weeks ago because she was interfering and her revenge was to contact my ex. I came off fb and changed my number. He could email me if he really wanted but like you I can't mentally get away. We live in the same town. I dread not only seeing him but his ex that he triangulated me with and now this woman too.

@jackietracey4272

Жыл бұрын

I know 🥰 how u feel. My attachment is his 🐶. They want their cake and eat it. Take care 💘

Hello I'm Cristiane and I'm from Brazil. So today I can say that I'm winner 🏆, but i know that is very hard when we're suffering because a narcissist. But I'd like to tell you, that when I was facing this situation, I used to watching yours videos, and it's helped a lot. Now I'm free, I'm two years on zero contact, and I'm very happy.. Thank you, God bless you 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿

So true! Someone who loves you doesn't treat you like that.

Wow! This is my relationship to a T. She's broken up with me about 6 or 7 times for years and ALWAYS wants back - and I take her. No more. I'm done.

There is nothing final with the narc. It never ends. Never. I didn't let him rape me. That was my big disappointment to him. All my fault, yep. That was enough for him to discard and ghost me. Not enough for him to leave me alone, tho. Enough for him to obsessively stalk me. He didn't love me. He doesn't love me. I so get it. I really, really wish we were still strangers.

@cynthiafortier2540

Жыл бұрын

It's a painful lesson, for sure.

@johnc.3925

Жыл бұрын

They are animals.

@pearpo

Жыл бұрын

think of them as childish. A good little kid who turns wicked to gain the upper hand. It speaks to improper parenting. To a sense of lack in life. That they have to game and hurt and steal to “get what they want.” When you understand it, it’s “whatever’s” and “silent treatments” because you aren’t acting like a helpless victim which is what they “think they want.” If you were to actually become a helpless victim then simply degrade you further. It’s a downward spiral. Thanks to this channel and wishing you stable healthy relationships. Decent partners don’t wish to wear you down. They encourage you to be your best. Life isn’t perfect but the wearing down thing speaks to splitting of putting you on a pedestal and then smashing you. It’s great to look up to someone but if they were healthy it would encourage them to flourish from within as well. In my experience it seems like Narcissists are dead inside.

@pearpo

Жыл бұрын

By the way, Narcissistic friends are just as bad. They want what you have, will humiliate you, then leave you for dead.

@user-vb9bq7uj7l

8 ай бұрын

I'm so so sorry to hear u went through all that. 😢 you're in my thoughts and prayers 🙏

All I can do is laugh. When you are in it... feels like twilight zone. When you wake up (OMG) and realize it ain't you feels great to snatch your power back. All I can say is RUN run fast!

I think its better to mention that althought all narcissists operate the same / do same things as from play book, there is several types of narcissists. Therefore not every narcissist come back. Some just cut you off forever. So lets please not give hope to every survivor of narcissistic abuse, that the narcissist will always come back or keep watching you.

@ms.a.elliott3074

Жыл бұрын

It’s a good thing if they do not return! Why would you be hopeful that they will?

@mikey92362

Жыл бұрын

@@ms.a.elliott3074 I'm guessing because turning them down would feel like some sort of closure. It seems like it would be satisfying to think that they want you now and you don't want them. Sort of a reverse discard. Just my guess.

@mikey92362

Жыл бұрын

I think you're right. I can't imagine that my covert narcissist ex wife would ever try to contact me again. Fine with me! :)

@Gellybeanb1974

Жыл бұрын

Mine told me he could leave & when he did he would never look back* So all the years meant nothing, or very little to him*

@mikey92362

Жыл бұрын

Well, I guess I was wrong. After over six months of no contact, she figured out how to "accidentally" charge a $1300 iPhone to my account. She paid me eventually, but it's annoying that she thinks I don't know it was just an excuse to contact me and get a validation fix. She also had to explain some terrible things she did and tell me how completely happy she is now. All lies. It's crazy how obvious the lies are now. I can't believe I didn't see it before.

thank you for explaining the toxic dynamic and how I can end it on my terms one day. Rumination is a bit¢# but it's true that confusion breeds anger and that's when a trauma bond becomes dangerous. My personal cure is music I love, when I song I love reminds me of my narc I change the tune and rock on. 1 year out and life is full of happy moments again. peace love & harmony. we're the golden ones, stay gold my friends

@pearpo

Жыл бұрын

Confusion used to destabilize your sense of self. Anger like the scab as you realize your wounds and heal. Eventually though you don’t even want to give them anger. Because you define you. Not their fictitious relationship with you. They hurt you like pulling a fishing hook out, but then ask you to long to be hooked, when in reality you don’t want a hook, you want to be swimming.

They can come back in the worse way. If they don’t get the attention they want they’ll punish you. If you ignore their punishment they’ll look for more cruel and sinister ways to get under your skin. I hope she moves on

It had been 8 months since the descart. 5 years I gave everything I’m scared to death thinking his will come back and knock my door 😢.

@jayashreethakkar7783

4 ай бұрын

Same fear ... I have given unconditional Love financial help in 4 years this is second time he discarded me this time it's an end I am 8n pain for being fooled for 4 years

You just described a spoiled brat! Narcissists are emotional bullies.

@shawnstewart4039

Жыл бұрын

Before I knew what narcissism was, I described her as an emotional bully.

@Diamanter.

Жыл бұрын

My narcissist threatened me to post my nudes in socmed.. he was ghosting and discarded me for 6 months, then when I moved on , there he obsessed stalking on me,, and want me to get back on him.. and now I don't like him.anymore.and he is now. Threatening me for my nudes published socmed and he is very psychopat .. he don't care that my life will be ruin

Thank you 🙏. Excruciatingly painful experience.

😢I'm going through this...I left him because of being given the silent treatment..punishment for not doing things the way he wanted done..blame shifting..blaming me for his wrong doings..this is the man who confessed to love me..married me and then turn around cheat..lie.. manipulate.. verbally and physically abuse..gaslit..blame shift..then you become reactive ..you start yelling back out of just sheer disbelief..sticking up for yourself..then feeling bad for doing it and apologizing..then 4 or 5.days go by and the same behavior starts over. the bare minimum..no love..little pieces of breadcrumbs just to satisfy you for the moment..so exhausting

Honest speaking no one gives pleasure like a narcissist thus why it is very difficult to reject a narcissist when they come back.

The trauma bond has been the most horrific thing I've dealt with ever. I had a narcissistic married couple that I was in a relationship with for 5 years. They enabled each other and both sucked the life out of me. Talk about triangulation! I feel like I've been through a mental war and I'm finally able to start sorting out the trauma that's happened to me. Thank you so much for your videos, I find so much comfort in hearing you're videos, I feel like your speaking directly to me! 💗💗

@kevinmurphy108

Жыл бұрын

that sounds so messy. It blows my mind just how complicated a relationship with a narcissist is. Two narcissists sounds incredibly complicated and painful. Best wishes for your healing journey 💪

@shaynakeil3553

Жыл бұрын

@@kevinmurphy108 it was a nightmare is the best way I can describe it. 1 is bad enough, but 2 of them.. so thankful to be out of that mess

@rokasdobrovolskis

Жыл бұрын

Why let yourself to be involved in such a toxic situationship in the first place?

@shaynakeil3553

Жыл бұрын

@@rokasdobrovolskis being manipulated, lied to and love bombed. Also I am very codependent and didn't know it

@murphbraves03

Жыл бұрын

@@rokasdobrovolskis why not be positive and encouraging?

Once again you are oh so right! When I was married to him, every second was spent trying to anticipate his next move, what was it he was going to want me to, do, be, say next. Now that I’m away I can see behind me and realize how crazy it was and how horribly he was destroying me. Thank you Anoushka for unraveling all the whys about what happened. These recent videos have been so good. Thank you

@loriderewitz7213

Жыл бұрын

@Of the Refrain hey there! I set my alarm so I’m not late. I’ll be there. Thanks! This will be good!

@loriderewitz7213

Жыл бұрын

@Of the Refrain I PROMISE!! I’ll be around! I surely appreciate you and Anoushka and it’s funny but I’m kind of nervous too. Not sure why that is except my anxiety has been over the top lately. It will be good to hear what our friend Anoushka has as her message for us today.

@loriderewitz7213

Жыл бұрын

@Of the Refrain yes, thank you, I’m all better in the bone dept now. I’ve been trying to get myself free of this anxiety by keeping busy and even going to visit friends but I feel like I’m getting agoraphobia and don’t want to leave the house. This too shall pass. Just a recurring phase and I get through it. I would say we are two peas in a pod.

@loriderewitz7213

Жыл бұрын

@Of the Refrain ❤️ I hope you sleep well.

@loriderewitz7213

Жыл бұрын

@Of the Refrain I miss you E. Trying to plan menus for the holidays. Invited my mom, son, brother and his wife. Aside from my mom, don’t know who will show up. I try to steel myself for the holidays. In all reality I dreaded them with my ex and now I dread the loneliness. I should be tougher than this by now. Lol

I’m healing day by day and each day I feel stronger mentally and physically, I allow myself all the time I need to reflect, listen to your wonderful videos because this enables me to grow and heal and to heal at a healthy sub stainable pace with the ongoing strength to not look behind me. There’s no time limit or race. Slow and steady. Thank you.

You always help me and I keep meeting these people and get tricked and now I am done

Brilliant analysis. You describe and explain my narc and my reaction to her so accurately...so exactly.....you have such clarity and helped me sooo much. Thankyou. I wish everyone had your clarity and perspectives.

Thank you for your clarity! 9 yrs is waaaaay too much time ⌚ for him to steal from me! Closure begins and ends with me!

Your silence is your win. A lion does not roar after its kill. Be a lion!

Great reflections, thank you. In my case, I left the jerk 5 times, but being under his demonic spell, and all that love bombing, I kept returning, only to get more abused through sadistic punishment. I finally got physically out and divorced him. That sent him into the psychiatric ward and now is in outpatient care. He firmly believes that regardless of our financial settlement I am to return, and this divorce is a teaser for him. I had to block this parasite for his love bombing accelerated, to make me feel guilty so I return... Never. It will take years for me to recover my health and find peace after all that. They are vampiric non-human creatures, and they should end up in self destruction.

That is my decision or more my decisions, step by step, to overcome fear appearing at every occasion, to follow my intuition what to do to believe in myself and not feel guilty that I gave up under pressure of my fear. That is to recover my self esteem and prove I am worth of myself - step by step by small decisions at each occasion. That is a game not with a narcissist, but with my fear.

I said no to my sister in law. She kicked off big time with rage & swearing and vile behaviour. Everything went quite for a few days. I reached out and said for the sake of the family let’s sort this out… she said we should ‘let the dust settle for a while’- she did not want to be accountable for her behaviour and outburst, she wanted time to fade it away then. One crawling back. After she rejected my olive branch, I blocked, deleted and walked away. I have not seen or spoken to her for over 3 years. I do not miss her jealousy, competing, coping, boasting grandiosity, vile outbursts followed by snot and tears. My husband who is so wonderful did see her a few more times but has now cut her off too. She is one massive pile of steaming toxicity. Good luck with ur life love. I wish you well and well away from me!!

Ive been free from a very bad person for 1 yr...been amazing

That was fantastic. The struggle is real

Sorry they won't be back.. I was so hurt after the discard that I burnt that bridge with napalm 🔥 there is absolutely no chance of a narcissistic resurrection lol.

@HANZELVANDERLAAY

Жыл бұрын

Well done..I purposely..say .. repulsive..things to my x narc..to keep her away... Her powerful moment was when after we spoke of marriage.. soon after she said she could only give me two nights a week.. that was really classic.. that hurt very deeply... And then she finalized it by breaking up with me when I had covid very ill haha... Happy..there's been no physical contact for 16 months ..yay

I’m in my 2nd discard. Exactly 10 years apart. This time she went too far. Seeing all these videos really really has helped me. I always knew she had disorders but I had no idea npd existed. She runs the npd program like a machine. She loves chaos she thrives in it. It’s sadistic. She ran her smear campaign about me to my kids this whole year. She turned them into her flying monkeys. Pure evil. She got a total downgrade new supply days after I left. And now he’s at my house all the time. She’s posting how happy she finally is now. It’s like I’m in my personalized nightmare.

@j.a.pimentel7265

Жыл бұрын

Many people mention Hell after you die and that you should do all sorts of things to avoid going to hell, not knowingly that hell is right here on Earth, and you are living it. You are in hell, but as hell is in this Earth, also heaven is in this Earth, and now that you know what is going on with your situation and you have identified that she is a narcicist and is doing all these things to you, you can start taking actions and start healing, and slowly but surely you will get out of that living hell that you are currently in, and slowly turn your life into heaven on Earth. Keep going strong and never give up, you are way stronger than what you think and what's awaiting you on the other side of this nightmare is the best life, the best moments and the most enjoyable time you will ever have.

@Richtaco

Жыл бұрын

@@j.a.pimentel7265 100% thank you

Hope you're watching this one Debbie. Thanks Anoushka

12 years in. He is in the discard process as we speak. Out of the blue said”I am done, I don’t want you anymore!” He has been talking to ex gf and is as giddy as a school boy. Completely self absorbed and for the first time in years taking care of himself. Reminds me of how he was while dating. I have not seen him in a long time. After about 18 months in he stopped everything. Acts like a bully. You have made me stop and think. Once he has his camper and hits the road, will he be back? I am just starting to wrap my head around this and don’t want more of the same! Thank you for this video, I can be prepared because NO!!

Thank you so much and this is exactly what I needed to hear and consider at this point, 3 months after discard. I still love her dispite all the horrible stuff, and I get sad about her torured soul, but I also needed to be reminded that stuff can NEVER happen again. Ot almost killed me twice in the 5 years and I don't deserve to go another round of feeling hated by someone I love. I am learning to not be codependent, and know that I'm not going to fix my problems while being blamed for hers. Billy Joel said, she'll bring out the best and the worst you can be, but I need to come to grips with this worse, part. Codependency is a 2 player game.

I m fighting for visitation in court .. that narcissist also filed fake cases and torturing me in all the ways she can .. she is going to any extent possible to take revenge on me...

It really sucks being discarded after being married for 30+ years. But now I see all of this narcissistic stuff and I'm now focusing on me after I've discovered your videos and getting support from good sources.

its not over after discard. the form can vary from prosecution, hoovering, indirect discussion with joint friends, smear campaigns etc. anything that the form allows is the contact and its not over. whatever form exist, it is possible to flash on to you. anoushka thank you

@janebraun4482

Жыл бұрын

A discard is usually heavy emotions. Thus it being not over makes sense that they would have some need to 'get to you' whenever they feel those emotions. They might genuinely want you back, or just to 'get at you' to further punish you punish or deal with emotions (guilt?) including their own suppression of their own role in why they discarded you in the first place. If only they could take responsibility to any degree, these people could be so much healthier.

I can confirm that. He shows traits of the narcissist personality disorder and also seems to show signs of psychopathy and he discarded me 3 times so far and the last time felt like the final discard, it was different from the other two discards. He came back to my life 4 months later. I feel attached to him, I see him as a human being, I see his individuality beyond the disorder and I like him a lot even though I don't like that he treats me poorly half of the time, but I can't imagine not seeing him again in my life, I feel anxiety even to think about that. I know he will discard me again eventually in the near future, I try to prepare myself cognitively but I find it hard to prepare myself affectively to become be numb to a discard, it will hurt a lot anyways.

@spiritofhonuguidanceforlife

Жыл бұрын

It sounds like you are in a trauma bond. I went through that 4.5 years. Educating myself on trauma bonds, working on my healing, time, and lots of patience and self compassion helped me through it.

@emilkadd

Жыл бұрын

You have got to get away. Total No contact. If you respect yourself a little bit, if your mental health is important… leave and don’t look back. It’s scary, it’s going to be rough for some time. But eventually the fog will be cleared of your mind and you can live again. I went trough it, you must find strength with in yourself to get away. It’s your life, it’s a gift and there are no sequels. Take care of yourself.

@louiseraindrops8777

Жыл бұрын

Keep your options open like they do, look around and try to see him for the game player that he is. Use him until you find someone better and remain a little detached at least ❤️🌹

@lavintella

Жыл бұрын

@@spiritofhonuguidanceforlife Yes I know that I'm in the trauma bond, but I also feel like I like him beyond that trauma bond but maybe it's just that trauma bond that makes me believe that I like him a lot.

@lavintella

Жыл бұрын

@@louiseraindrops8777 I try to keep my options open but it's hard while I feel so attached to him but he is not and I need to find someone better, because the discard is unavoidable in the near future as it has been the case with all his previous relationships. Thank you for your advice Louise.

This is spot on! You only know what you have learned. I wish I would have better understood what I studied in Phychology. I never realized these cluster B personality types were at work 24/7 in these people. I was naive and thought they were momentary personality traits. I had no clue people could be like this full time. It must be exhausting. I now feel sorry for them and pray they find healing. I wonder why nobody in the past ever warned me about these types? Do they not know? How do they hide? I mean everyone knows about the alcoholic, drug addict, lunatic ect...nobody sees the narcissist for what they are. To top it off, Satan seems to have given these people beauty on the outside as a lure. I now see the narcassists everywhere. Its as if my eyes have been opened to something unknown or unseen before. Why did nobody warn me? They didn't know themselves? Soon everyone will be educated about this disorder and these people will lose their supply. Well, no not really, because the narcassist will just find a lower functioning human to abuse.

10 years silent treatment. I've learned to cope. I've cut her out of my life eventhough she's still here still using me for financial reasons. Only reason i havent left is because of my kids and the crucial year in school . Initially it affected me so bad, I did contemplate ending it all. But since learning what a narcissist is, everything just makes sense now. I don't ask why and don't care.

Your video helped so much. I'm going through this right now. Trying to move by December.

They definitely don't leave you alone.

@flowersofthefield340

Жыл бұрын

That's the whole idear .... 💡 🏃‍♀️ run ASAP 🏃‍♂️

I think I've reached this stage you're talking about where you'll get really upset and you realize what you went through. I am livid. It angers me in ways I didn't think we're possible. I feel stupid, but I'm just trying to take the necessary steps forward. I've acted as a co-dependent for a really long time and have been trying to re-establish my own routine, healthy routine. It feels great. If they ever do come back like you're talking about, I'm not even gonna answer her because I feel like in this week of no contact, it's helped me understand that I vibrate on a much higher level.

Wow. I love it: "it was taken from you by force"

he abandoned me 40 years ago , pregnant. he had new wife all lined up and groomed to go. he even brought her to visit one year, to share how perfect and happy they were. i was devastated but i kept it to myself.

Thank you for this message. I know we will get through it in time. We are gaining our own strengths and self awareness during this discard. No contact is the only way to keep them away and not mess with your mind anymore.

I’m the exception. Mine left and didn’t look back. I was blindsided. He immediately found someone else he is living with now in bliss. I hate him. I hate everything he did to me. I hate that he got a happy ending while I got loneliness and hopelessness.

I am living it right now. It is so unbelievably sad. We have two beautiful children that do not deserve what is happening to our family. My wife has so much unresolved childhood trauma from a terrible father that abandoned her, which led to an alcoholic mother, she was bullied heavily at school and at home by her brother, the list goes on. So sad, but now that pain that was never dealt with is now affecting me and our family. She has broken my heart so many times, devalued, cheated, lied, blamed, stolen and abused me mentally and emotionally. All I wanted was a happy family and a solid home for our children to flourish. After 10 years s of marriage, I finally found out what narcissim is. She knows I know and the discard is in full swing. I now understand I am trauma bonded and need help. Thank you for your insight and for sharing your knowledge.

I have six months of no contact. Not wanting to see him ever again. Still trying every day to cope with it all. Will I ever trust again?

@flowersofthefield340

Жыл бұрын

It can take several years to forget about them ..... emotional detox and healing

@SimRacingVeteran

Жыл бұрын

Why do you let these people live rent free in your head?

@Gellybeanb1974

Жыл бұрын

Yes I believe you will find someone to love you* & He won;t be like your ex* Thank God. Bless You*

That is why I am glad that I left.

This is amazingly helpful. THANK YOU for posting these. These help me understand that I wasn’t crazy like my partner made me feel. I thought there was something so wrong with me that I was giving so much love to this person and they would still treat me the way they did. I thought I didn’t deserve anything different or better. When in reality they were abusing me emotionally. I feel I am a little traumatized from this relationship that lasted almost 3 years so I’m slowly learning how to put all that energy back to me. My partner was already with a new supply within one month after our break up. The discard has been absolutely painful but I definitely see the light at the end. 🙏🏽

Your videos help me every single day. I managed to go no contact before she was about to discard me, so I’m one way I was lucky. I find comfort in the fact that I got myself out of this never ending loop of being given the silent treatment for days and weeks just for me to beg to get her back. This time I put stop to it, not even know what a narcissist is. Thank you so much for these videos, I love all of them ❤️🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼

Thank you for giving this knowledge to understand that blocking and having no contact with the narc has been traumatic but the right and positive life change. Love and positive to all out there . God bless.

Thank you, thanks for this videos i know understand that i am not the only one and that is going through this. I feel stronger than before, 10 years of marriage with that abuser was more than enough. I pray that whoever is going through this finds the light at the end of the tunnel. it was really hard for me, but life goes on. We know what to do and what to expect,we are now educated and will survive.

Thank you! Love your explanation of the discard and the silent treatment. Very informative!

They couldn’t do better. The grass elsewhere wasn’t greener. The supply you provided was better than what else was out there. We are the old shiny object, when the new shiny object doesn’t pan out.

Wow! I can't believe how spot on you are.. my brother is going through the exactly how you're explaining it.. She was cheating for a year and when my brother found out about it she blamed it all on him... she never took responsibility for her actions and when my brother tried to talk about a solution and things got heated up she would call the police on him.. now their going through a ugly divorce where my brother is going to lose 60% of his home and assets.. 23 years of marriage and she treats my brother of being an abusive person and her best way of dealing with my brother is to ignore him like he doesn't even exist.. How cold is this woman..

I’ve just barely started coming out the other side, but I’m completely alone with my never ending thoughts. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to really learn through heartbreak and pain. I accept this. I’m saying those who are hurting need to deal with it and face it head on with the realization that you will survive this. I’ve had realizations like: I felt little to no love in her kiss. I felt that she wanted even more after I had given everything. I know the chaos she constantly created. I know her desire for fame. I know that I fought her from confusion. I know who I am, and I’m proud of who I am. Just now: we love, love is found in life, life is separate from others, our life is our love so they can accept it or not. I love myself and my life and I will defend it.

I wish I would have known all of this back in 1979 when I was 19 and this all happened to me. I didn’t even know what a Narc was or any of the stages or being discarded or about the trauma bond. I experienced dissociation and PTSD from it. 40 years later a therapist and research finally unveiled all of it for me. I watch these types of channels now to continue to recover, but I’m still not the same as before I met him.

@doloinc

Жыл бұрын

there wasn't any literature in your younger years and all information about narcissism was focused on only the grandiose subtype. don't be hard on yourself for not knowing back then.

@Redeemed_30

Жыл бұрын

@@doloinc This is true. Thank you for that.

@cynthiafortier2540

Жыл бұрын

You are better now than before. Awareness is gold.

@LordRothschild666

Жыл бұрын

Women play no part of any of this huh

Great video, so spot on! My narc had 2 or 3 exes she kept in touch with, probably in touch in more ways than one!

My God ! I’m feeling like I’m finally there … the Hoovers usually work on me … not to a point where I get back in the relationship but I allow a friendship ( still supply I know ) … 8 years married … lied to cheated on .. ex’s constantly in the picture… we even separated less than a year into our marriage and he had one of the ex’s in the house a day later … yes I stupidly went back few months later … I could go on for days about the abuse . Been divorced 5 years … he’s NEVER went away and STAYED away … I know that’s MY fault !!!! We are on yet another silent treatment phase … one of 500 🙄… when he comes back and I KNOW he will … I’m ready for the first time to let him go completely ignored . Forever

@djw8504

Жыл бұрын

Don’t feel bad, I’m actually in same situation. Just a text to have a good day. I’m so mad at myself. 7yrs is hard to except tht it’s over. I wish I hadn’t sent the message. I won’t do it again. 😫🙏

Your walk and message are always so motivating and real. Thank you

Thanks for this message. So grateful to have people like you to educate us with healthy thoughts for manifestation. This experience was overwhelming. I feel comforted to be outside this box of Evil and deceit. I am in a safe place. Thank God for His protection. ❤

You are so wright , thank you very much.!

You’ve helped me so much from the beginning when this happened to me I was able to explain it and understand what was happening abs kept my sanity through it and moved on!!! I probably had the best year of my life traveling and meeting people and fighting for my happiness! Nobody will make me feel unhappy in this life! This life is beautiful abs short and I will always fight for my happiness ❤ thank you! 🙏

This video just saved my life. Thank you.

After 4 yrs of confusion and drama I discarded him. I just couldn't take it anymore.

SPOT ON. Great explanation and coaching for those affected.

Thanks a lot for this video!

I left 2 yrs ago. I’ve had no hoovering. He knows, I know. He doesn’t have the balls.

Thank you Anushka, you are helping me so much. Everything you say is exactly like that. Thank you

You saved me from so much pain. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have 3 little children and my wife ( the narcissist) hit me for the 8th time and I got her arrested. The disregarding started and she moved on to another man straight away. I didn't understand all this until I came across your video. So thank you

You have awakened me up. I feel much better after 🎶 to this ... spot on.

I really need this because this is exactly what I’m going through. After only one week of the discard he has tried to come back. I am being strong and trying to break the trauma bond. Thank you so much for this. Perfect timing. ❤

This channel is Awsome. Im not sure if my ex was a narcissistic personality. But i did get discarded and blocked from everything.

I was packing my house up as I started watching this. Not one I've got 2 narcissists I'm allowing in my life. I'm leaving, not sure where I'll go, but I am done. Maybe Louisville?😊

You LEAVE, only when it's safe to leave, never leave in a hurry, plan it. Never announce you are through, or verbalize you have had it, this is your last chance etc. It must be a totally unsuspected, and you must be totally prepared. You leave, and NEVER LOOK BACK, NEVER GO BACK, that only gives them another chance to punish you and you may not make it out alive. - Been there.

that somewhat one way communication gave me these thoughts that something isn't right with our then relationship, yet so confused and so hard to comprehend what is it all about. then i learned something new each time i watch your videos, helping me to move on and heal so much easier. i do hope this would do the same for the rest of the survivors out there. thank you always, anoushka!

It's a shame because during the love bombing phase, I told her I was afraid of ending up with someone controlling and that this was too good to be true.. A couple months later I am free but also shocked that nothing was real with this person. To think about the deep and personal things that were shared only to understand that she was just feeding off me and likely others really does sting. Thankfully towards the end I understood I was not happy and that it's really unlikely to get better. The situation wasn't healthy/normal and if someone's really interested and cared, they would show it. I do feel bad for these people because they were made to be this way out of circumstance.

@laraneuenschwander5

Жыл бұрын

I can so relate. My narc left me for a borderline personality disorder drug addict. But stays in contact with me as friends but then lies to me about the new supply and don't allow me to date. He started showing narc symptoms after hooking up with this borderline and now he tells me the man I new is dead. I'm in pain because I know he regrets his decisions but will never admit and therefore never grow. Although I love this man with the purest heart, I can never take him back, because he was never the man I loved.

Anoushka thank you for your wisdom and insight I l moved back home to South East uk i Live in South London I am in narc recovery from a evil twisted narc. Thankyou for everything you do to help me get better xxx

I went through this 40-some years ago. She turned nasty and I joined the military and got out of town. 40 years later, she tracked me down and tried to do the whole thing over again. We were friends (she acted as though it was more) for 2 1/2 years, then she went from I love you to don't ever speak to me again, literally overnight. Its been 3 months of no contact and I'm curious to see how long it takes her to reach out again.

It’s really hard when you have children. Because you are supposed to co-parent. They use communication about children to abuse you, belittle you. And the court system requires you to “play nice” in the interest of the kids. Narc abuse is not even recognized by the courts. They know they cannot reach you so they use the kids to get to you.

Currently going through this phase. its been only 2 months he discarded me and our 8 yr long relationship for a lady in his office. currently waiting for KARMA to hit him hard.