to give love despite the noise and barbs of another's mind, to give love without any hint of "its too much" or "what about me", to give love because you know the cisterns of love will never empty, to give love because the response if any does not matter, to give love because you know there is "no me" lies towards the end of your journey....it is ok and wise to step away from perceived harm to find your true self first before embarking on giving the pure love that is still hidden and still waiting to flow from your heart...if it hurts, you are not ready yet

@WayOfThinkingYT

Жыл бұрын

Wow

@moladhdodhia164

Жыл бұрын

@@WayOfThinkingYT,Agree !

@moladhdodhia164

Жыл бұрын

Well that was really well said,I'm going to write some of that down,thank you.

@sabashau

Жыл бұрын

Great ❤

@inhabitantwaps3qs803

Жыл бұрын

If it hurts you are ready. Your mistakes show youre not ready either. Absolute contradiction of a statement. How does love exist when all there is in the world arrogance and hate to survival instinct and competition for pride love doesnt exist but selfishness and the devils cry wins in its torment and anger. No love no creativity and complete insane tyranny of the devil. The only love on this planet is merely an illusion of pride and disgusting illness and disease. This is the truth my freind your reality is based on dellusion and youre very unlikely to ever experience love of any extent maybe the slight whisp a decade for 5 seconds the times are changing and the world is becoming more and more poisoned and flooded with noise there will be no room for love.

I was well into my twenties before I realized how being labelled "nice" had become somewhat of a prison. I dared not do or say anything that belied that label. Nice people with poor boundaries end up being taking advantage of, as well as taken for granted. I had to learn there's a healthy way to be "nice" AND have your wishes respected. But beware, when you first begin to make this change, there are others in your life who won't like it, but persist anyway, you deserve it!

@sallycreitzman1953

2 жыл бұрын

Plus you will attract people that respect you and your boundaries. Those flakey friends who don’t like the new you is because you’re no longer a yes guy. They never have been an authentic friend in your life. It’s sad to be taken advantage of but just love yourself more

@janewright2800

2 жыл бұрын

@mala X I Really relate to that and very well said!! I am nearly 60 and still learning to do that and be authentic and true to myself 🙏💚

@forward_ever_ever2595

2 жыл бұрын

Very true Mala

@lizquinn3568

2 жыл бұрын

I used to try to please everyone all my life, it left me depressed annoyed and I didn't really like myself because I was giving to much off myself away to others, then I decided no more I started to put myself first not in a selfish way but a way that cared for my needs first, I lost some people but the one,s that cared for me stayed,its never to late to change ❤

@forward_ever_ever2595

2 жыл бұрын

@@lizquinn3568 true...you must love yourself. The funny thing is you help/be nice to so many ppl and the moment you can't be there or help out you see that expression on their faces even though they may not say anything (because they know deep down inside how you've been to them)...the nerve some ppl have! The next thing is, most of them would never do things ppl have done for them😒

Removing yourself from toxic people sometimes means you are completely and utterly alone.

@TofuTeo

Жыл бұрын

Hang in there, I’ve been through that stage too. I trust it’ll get better and better with time and we now have all the space and energy for the right people to come in.

@dwightschrute7021

Жыл бұрын

You need to make a serious self assessment before calling people toxic, because the toxic one could be you.

@ChiefBD119

Жыл бұрын

@@dwightschrute7021 False

@moniquebode1655

Жыл бұрын

So be it then. I'd rather be alone

@privateprivate4384

Жыл бұрын

You have yourself lovely.There is a song I often listen to that helps me to remain strong it's by Miley Cyrus she wrote it after she split from her partner.(A section of the Lyrics) I can buy myself flowers-Write my name in the sand-Talk to myself for hours- Say things you don't understand-I can take myself dancing- And I can hold my own hand- Yeah I can love me better than you can.------- Don't isolate yourself fill your life by doing and learning new things. Enjoy the beauty of creation and starry nights learn to love the life you have, most important learn to love yourself, when you free yourself from the need of other people, they tend to gravitate towards you. x

A snake, it is said, only knows its shape when it's put in a box. In spite of our best intentions, we find ourselves in jobs, relationships and circumstances where we don't belong. We learn our shape. It is then our responsibility to leave, change or modify the circumstances to fit our shape. Easier said than done, but it is the only way forward.

@WayOfThinkingYT

2 жыл бұрын

True…😮‍💨

@leesarenee5757

2 жыл бұрын

This is so well said.

@NickNicometi

2 жыл бұрын

Circumstances SHAPE us, as well.

@YTcanLetUsDown

2 жыл бұрын

We all have a slimy reptilian side. Indo like this analogy.

@GojiberryTerri

2 жыл бұрын

Love ❤️

Start saying no when you need to. If they react negatively, then you know they dont care about you.

Oprah Winfrey once said "If you betray yourself, you are no different from the people who hurt you." And I felt that.

@summersky7824

2 жыл бұрын

Wise words...

@amyitis

2 жыл бұрын

I'm not sure I understand this. Could you explain? Like both use people for their own egos?

@jogurtbecher7779

2 жыл бұрын

@@amyitis no its like: you put other people First and your own interests second, maybe to be „nice“. So you betray yourself. You hurt yourself. And then you are not better than people which dont care about being nice and just Look After themselfs and maybe hurt you with their actions.

@sallyrile7601

2 жыл бұрын

@@jogurtbecher7779 exactly 💯

@sallyrile7601

2 жыл бұрын

@@jogurtbecher7779 omg hit me....hurt ourselves

I like it when people have boundaries. That way, I don't worry about if they are over-giving or lying to be nice. I want people to love themselves enough to be genuine.

@sage9836

2 жыл бұрын

@@PersisP Yes to love and compassion!

@katharineellis3809

2 жыл бұрын

That Rules!

@rainiplaysgames3545

2 жыл бұрын

i recently started two reflect on how messy of a person i am. it's very liberating, being able to recognize that nagging sense of self betrayal when i want to say yes to something I actually want to say no to and i agree, it's been hard-wired into my habits and thought patterns. setting up healthy boundaries is a rough journey for someone who's not used to doing it, but it's worth it in the long run. i have a good friend who told me i was being too nice and not in a good way. it was a wake up call.

@sage9836

2 жыл бұрын

@@rainiplaysgames3545 I would say I would think about doing something, when what I meant was "I will be busy thinking of ways to get out of it." I have to not do that again.

@rubytuesday7653

Жыл бұрын

Smart , Lady 🌿🐞🌿

One of the most best pieces of knowledge I learned was that people don't respect people who are too easily accessible. Making others earn access to your time makes people respect you more. If you're nice to everyone all of the time, you become their carpet to step all over. It's better to be seen as a jerk for not giving easy access than it is to be always there to be stepped on.

I wrote this many years ago. When you're very young they tell you 'You are very special" As an adult they tell you "What makes you think you are so special" When you leave this world you are remembered as 'Someone special'.

@irmaiz133

2 жыл бұрын

So true. Would have liked to make your like count to 28 but 27 is my fav #. Talk abt being authentic ;)

@DulceN

2 жыл бұрын

At the end, there’s nothing special about ‘being special’. It’s all fake.

@forward_ever_ever2595

2 жыл бұрын

Lol...for real. Only God who really genuinely thinks we're special

@Corpus_Callosum

2 жыл бұрын

Imaginary friends think and say anything we want them to.

@Wise-Lady-La-Aura

2 жыл бұрын

We do not like the word "special". It is associated with "Special Ed." and the "Special Olympics. You sound special, Corpus. LOL

Don't mistake my kindness for weakness.💯

@paulmichaelrichardson6582

2 жыл бұрын

to true robert thats what people tend to think

@krisru9484

2 жыл бұрын

Happends often to me :/

@patrickdegroot3692

2 жыл бұрын

That's the spirit. Does not mean you have to stop being "too kind." No need to set boundaries. Stand firm and you'll know when to hit the brakes; intuitively. You'll know how to react; instinctively. Without having to hurt or dissapoint anyone in the process; including yourself.

@liamnaughton1855

2 жыл бұрын

No good deed goes unpunished!😎

@CraigMcfly1985

2 жыл бұрын

Ever since a teen I learn that lesson from my teachers Robert.

Being too nice killed my Mom. I told off my dad after she died. I wish I had done it years ago. I knew it would upset her, so I didn’t. I miss you Mom. You deserved better.

@imbrakingthrough2152

2 жыл бұрын

%100 same story

@sudhirrajagopalan7411

2 жыл бұрын

Yes I too have an evil father

@sudhirrajagopalan7411

2 жыл бұрын

and I have warned my mother not to please him if he asks for too much relentlessly

@maseratimitch531

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like the fruit didn’t fall too far from the tree. You waited until after she died to stand up for her to spare her feelings (aka being too “nice”) when it didn’t matter anymore. She might’ve been upset but it could have changed conditions for the better and she eventually would’ve gotten over it and enjoyed the “better” you say she deserved.

@ookipuki

2 жыл бұрын

My partners mother has the kind of husband who laughs at her dead relatives and asks her "how long does it take to heal a broken arm"? He financially abuses everyone and spends all the money on weed. And much more .. I just cant believe the way some people are ...

A counselor once told me that when someone says "oh, you're too nice" they're actually telling you that you are a doormat.

@Anadd_ac

Ай бұрын

Exactly, not only in your country, is in our DNA.😅

I'm in my 40s and finally stopped being so nice recently. I have a neighbour who is a bully I finally told to "f" off lately. I felt kind if shaken but it also felt good! I wish I had done this earlier and more often! Gabor is right - have been ill for many years as a result of putting my needs last.

@LATOYABANK44

2 жыл бұрын

Good for you, Blessings 🤗

@heathers.here.

2 жыл бұрын

Same! I actually had no boundaries and was so ‘nice’ that I had no clue who I was. To the point of being diagnosed with leukemia in 2018. I’m 42 now and have learned that if I want to survive. I have got to step up and stand up for myself. So here we go!

@peachesmcgee4795

2 жыл бұрын

@@heathers.here. so sorry you had this-that must've been so hard.I thought about what Dr Mate was saying and all the people I know who have had cancer,have indeed been nice and lovely people.

@peachesmcgee4795

2 жыл бұрын

@@LATOYABANK44 thank you.

@jennytaylor3324

Жыл бұрын

@@heathers.here. More power to you. x

I've begun to understand the difference between being kind and being nice. Being kind emerges from strength, while being nice emerges from weakness.

@buridah328

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for that. I have to read it multiple times.

@punyashloka4946

2 жыл бұрын

So true 👍

@violent_bebop9687

Жыл бұрын

It's the same word dude. What he's saying is be nice/kind without comprising yourself.

@timnordin6230

Жыл бұрын

@@violent_bebop9687 The root of the word kindness is family, the root of the word nice is ignorant/stupid. They only masquerade as co-equals.

@amycope7970

Жыл бұрын

@@violent_bebop9687 they’re not quite the same. Niceness is doing something that is pleasing or agreeable. By contrast, kindness is doing something that is helpful to others, or that comes from a place of benevolence. You can be both nice and kind. But you could also be nice but not kind (ie. not ending a relationship you’re unhappy in because you don’t want to be disagreeable. Or being agreeable in order to get something in return.) Likewise you could be a grumpy old fart (not “nice”) but do many kind acts for others

I've ruined my mental health by being too nice.

@kathleensmith644

2 жыл бұрын

It took me a long time to realise that you have to love yourself first. I was too nice and had my kind deeds thrown back in my face. That was a bad time. But now I’m different. I don’t do things for others and put myself second. And how different people treat me. I value my own happiness first, and they can deal with their own happiness.

@Blissedx

2 жыл бұрын

@Zee Aye this! Yes being appreciated for being kind is devalued today. This is why being an empath in 2022 can and will lead to constant heartbreak and betrayal. I had to learn the hard way. Now I don't even easily do nice things for family. Everyone is just out for themselves nowadays.

@carl8568

2 жыл бұрын

@@Blissedx Everyone does need to be "out for themselves" to a degree, but obviously self-love is different from selfishness. Don't give up on everyone though, that's often a belief rooted in abandonment trauma.

@HisaLight2mypath

Жыл бұрын

Me too, people just take a plate and go. use me and when I treat them nice they treat me bad in return happens every single time. I'm selfless and they're selfish

@carl8568

Жыл бұрын

@@HisaLight2mypath Maybe you should look in to why that pattern is reoccurring. As a heads up, the truth will not be satisfying. Not initially anyway.

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, very important. I saw a picture with the writing "you can be a very kind person and still say 'f** *ff' to some people in your lives". That's the extreme version, but nails it down. Some people may not like you if you say a clear "no", but then it's time to reconsider how much they belong in your life. Another good thing I read is "no is a full sentence". We don't need to explain a no. It's enough to say it.

@debbietodd8547

2 жыл бұрын

When I was a child growing up in the 60's and early 70's 'NO' was basically a bad word as was 'I don't know". 'No' would get the wrath of adults in my life and the other? Well why DON"T you know? You must not have been paying attention. I learned not to use either of those words very often, to my detriment for most of my life. I am just now learning to use those words in my 60's and they feel powerful. It's ok to NOT know and its ok to say NO....PERIOD.

@robincrowflies

2 жыл бұрын

@@debbietodd8547 I'm 54 and just learning to use boundaries. All I can say is, I'm so grateful to learn. Period. No matter how off-course my life has gone in the past, I'm here now, and am learning now. xo

@robincrowflies

2 жыл бұрын

You must have read The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker. :-) I just ordered a copy. Can't wait to read it.

@janewright2800

2 жыл бұрын

Like it!🙏

@lesliengo8347

2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely, because when we say yes to something, we automatically are saying no to other things. And when someone doesn't like our nos, we get to decide what their reaction to our nos mean about us, and to decide what we want to do next

I am Learning to Set boundaries healthy boundaries and stop being a people pleaser at age 56 after ending 18 years of marriage and having people walk all over me. Doris the doormat. My eyes are starting to open and I’m having a hard time standing on my own with my boundary setting slowly and strongly I will get there. What an awesome video. 🌻

@ObliterateAllLizards

2 жыл бұрын

I just hit 44 and cut two life long “friends” out of my life after being their emotional football since grade school. Triad friendships never work, and this time (I won’t even get into it, it’s just been the same pattern for years), I just walked away. No cursing, mean texts, trying to explain how bad they make me feel., Nope just walked away. I’m old enough to now recognize who is genuine and has my best interests at heart. If these women are still sniping, gas lighting, and talking inane nonsense about my looks, decisions, whatever, then they are never ever going to change so I have too. It’s sad I wasted decades of my life trying so hard to get affection from two humans who will never give me that, but I finally learned. Stay strong Mary!

@devonseamoor

2 жыл бұрын

@@ObliterateAllLizards Please, don't dwell to much on what you've missed, okay? Those years of betraying yourself were needed to come to the place where you are now. I've experienced a similar path in life. You can be a valuable presence in life now, for you've tasted both sides of the coin, and that's how experiences in our lives bring us wisdom and insights. Enjoy your life to the full in the freedom that you've gained for yourself, by your own doing. So many people don't arrive at that threshold, dying in their self-made prison.

@janewright2800

2 жыл бұрын

We will get there Mary!!🙏💚

@janewright2800

2 жыл бұрын

@@ObliterateAllLizards good on ya! Being true to yourself 🙏💚

@mirkogiljaca1051

2 жыл бұрын

Yes! ;D

Tears, running down my face.....sadly, this is the story of my life. So my parents wouldn't be mad at me, so I would stay out of trouble in school, to keep friends, to keep my spouse and on and on. The nice person. So much so that I don't have the first idea who my authentic self is so that I can honour and nurture her.....Wow! this hit home like a ton of bricks🥺

@user-sy2gh8uw4i

Жыл бұрын

Same here

@ptrgr72

Жыл бұрын

Did you make progress? Are working on it? There is never to late

@DurieHumberJrDC

Жыл бұрын

You know recently we lost a friend at the age of 51 to cancer- she was so nice. Gabor mentions this about half way through this video. I’ve been guilty of being too nice and getting taken advantage of. I appreciate this teaching of his, so much.

@sereneanna4040

9 ай бұрын

Wow, i jus managed to say no, a few weeks ago. And felt jus great. We had to learn to be more assertive.🤔🙌🏻👑✝️⚖ Wow, i got soo exhausted jus by being too carin. Thats was really risky, bad for my health.🥺

This is true🙏🙏 I was always a quiet child and growing up I was treated badly by family members , I let them get away with it as I didn't understand why they were mean to me and was programmed to believe you always forgive family. But now I'm older I don't see any of them and i m still a good person but I realised it doesen t mean your bad if you have boundaries and don't allow people to take advantage of your kindness!!!💙💙 I am sensitive to other people's energy and I feel drained if I'm around people too long!!! I make time for myself to be in my own space and I like being by myself and meditating now I'm in my 50s 🙏🙏💙💙 we have to take our power back and realise that it's ok to say no and stand up for our selves!!🎆🙏💙🙏💙🎆💜

@charlesgwynnethicasiano6719

2 жыл бұрын

Same childhood here!!

@rupinderh01

2 жыл бұрын

Me too...same here...I think we maybe empaths or highly sensitive persons hsp. I'm 42 and stuck livjng with parents as I'm ill with chronic illness,I really want to get better so I can get away from them all and live my own life so I can breathe again, god bless you

@trishr.3986

2 жыл бұрын

I get it. I noticed you said you don't see any of them. My siblings had no problem ignoring my parents, because I was there. They didn't have any issue to hold out their hands either, when my parents died. I changed in a certain way after my father died (my mother passed first). I stopped letting them be their narcistic selves and let all my feelings out. They deserved that, in my mind. Then I blocked them. I didn't need them for all the years they neglected my parents and I don't need them now. They won't change and I don't have to "be there". Sometimes I want to have contact, but then I remember how it was. It isn't going to be like that anymore. We get these romantic feelings of how our family should be. Unfortunately that's all it will be.

@viniciusgalvao2263

2 жыл бұрын

I' m Very like you, can't stay too long near of many people, relatives they're The worses, always making us fell guilty when we are not, The best thing is stay own your own, in peace.

@eddiediesel9035

2 жыл бұрын

@@trishr.3986 So true. My situation is so similar to yours.

When I am authentic, it seems to offend people, so I just don't go around too many people any more. I am not lonely at all. I only go around the few authentic friends and family members that I do have, and that seems to be enough for me, for now, since I need to work long hours to get out of poverty right now anyways. Most people are a drain on my meager resources and don't seem to understand that I need to survive too. I don't miss these people as much as I thought I would. The more I only hang out with a few great people, the more, I seem to attract, better people into my life anyways.

@sll110

2 жыл бұрын

very good

@royferguson3909

2 жыл бұрын

I concure peace ✌ ☯️ ❤ .

@JohnDoe-vt8oq

2 жыл бұрын

This really resonated with me. In between homes, trying to earn enough money to get my own place, then keep going, with or without attachments.

@LG-ro5le

2 жыл бұрын

Let them get offended then the world is full of fake people betraying themselves & are too weak to be there true self, they arnt worth anything

@brendaharding8010

2 жыл бұрын

I love this. Wishing you success and health..

Too nice Never have to ask twice Always willing to please Might as well Be on your knees What do you hope to gain What are you trying to prove Over and over again Do you never get anything In return Maybe that's a bridge You should burn It's ok to say no You don't always have to Go with the flow Is it really about wanting Everyone to like you When you need to Like yourself too Save your compassion For those who cannot Help themselves Those in need Or resentment It will breed Though noble it is To care for the weak But not if only Attention you seek Be pure in your desire To truly help others Born in your heart In the open Not covered Dont hide your intentions By being nice Opportunity may only Come once Not twice It's not good To always be there Too available After a while Who cares And you become Furniture Reflect on the reasons You are always pleasing Never will you get Any respect If safe and sound Is all you project Take a risk Have no fear Even if The way is not clear Be confident In who you are What you want Raise the bar Be careful not lose yourself And be too rough Know when to be tender And when to be tough Everyone prefers certainty Over the unknown Have an opinion Be bold The only rejection you can control Is your own

@gshossain4954

Жыл бұрын

Directly hit my Heart. So relevant to my Personality. It's Enlightening. Trying very hard to stop being a "People Pleaser." THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

@Braidsbymyalanae

Жыл бұрын

Love it

Жыл бұрын

Are you the author of this? Brilliant

@solas007

Жыл бұрын

@ yes, I am

@solas007

Жыл бұрын

@ thank you

This has been my life long problem. He’s totally right the feeling of betrayal of self , you’re really killing yourself!

@TheHumbuckerboy

2 жыл бұрын

@Kit Kat And if we are not 'nice 'to such people we may end up being sacked , black-listed or get into some sort of trouble as a result ?

@rsaug

2 жыл бұрын

Same here

@tonato17

2 жыл бұрын

@Kit Kat people are just crap in general. I think no one is to me the way I am to everyone.

@peace-now

2 жыл бұрын

Nima, whatever you do. there will be some problem. In my experience, most people are nice. There is little wrong with being nice. If you are nasty (not nice), you will have to learn new skills.

@AK-hi7mg

2 жыл бұрын

It's because it's cowardly .

I think being a people pleaser or having a “too nice personality” have definitely rooted from childhood. I’ve always put myself in my moms situations and felt like I needed to help her out since I was the oldest and she was a single parent mom. She used to always have “the talk” with me about needing to substitute the dad role since I’m the oldest so I didn’t have much of an childhood. It also didn’t help I was super lonely growing up, being abused sexually/physically, not having a place to stay, bullied, etc. But being too nice have led me to a lot of trauma from being used and mistreated from people. I used to enjoy giving away my lunch to a bully at lunch if it means they liked me but now I realized how wrong this was. Having poor boundaries is like a prison. I blame the abusers but I literally am still going through this as an adult… I realized it is also a me problem and learning to say no or this is not ok was a challenge. I grew up depressed and severe anxiety which is why I have major health issues now at a young age. I’m killing myself slowly. Basically life is too short to have someone dismiss you and treat you less than as a person. It took me being in/out of the hospital this year for me to realize that…

@mindleft-buddy999

2 жыл бұрын

Sending love and light your way. I know of people, including my most recent gf, who endured some of your same struggles. While I can’t relate from experience, I can tell you I understand and have seen the pain up close. Similar anyway... This video has made me realize how often I have been a yes man in my 37 years and how detrimental it has been. Trying to step up recently, even before this video. Love and light to you fellow human...

@lauramiller7502

2 жыл бұрын

Struggling to live without being close to other people should not be attempted.People need people

@lelainerduh

2 жыл бұрын

@@mindleft-buddy999 thank you so much! I’m wishing the best for you as well, everyone has a story. I’m just trying to heal from mine except I don’t have anyone but my siblings to be there for me. I salute you for being understanding towards your girlfriend. Not much people want to deal with the trauma of others. But that shows that you love her. Wishing for the best for both of you guys. Sending love and light your way 🥹💗

@lelainerduh

2 жыл бұрын

@@lauramiller7502 well people do not seem to need me lol. Only my siblings are understanding but we were raised together. And I have come to accept that… Be blessed you have people that care for you 🙂

@rockydavies5096

2 жыл бұрын

❤

Had enough of people saying that I'm "different"...I tried to fit in all my life, but they can sense no matter of what...so, I don't care anymore about what people say or think I am

I learned this the hard way,😒 My Mom went over and beyond to please people(except for those who mattered the most) When she passed away the same ones she bent over backwards for, talked about her like a dog,👿 I had to learn how to set boundaries and have discernment with whom I share my kindness and generosity,💯 Be careful of your energy, Blessings 🤗💓🥰

@vicvic2081

2 жыл бұрын

Wow

I am learning this with my 4 year old. My mother had always scolded me or given me advice to do something that I adopted it as my own internal voice. I then would try to "teach" my daughter how to do things in the same manner and I found myself suppressing her goofiness and curiosity. I saw in her reactions a reluctantance to express herself out of fear of me not being pleased with it. Fuuuuck. I don't do that anymore. I want her to grow up authentic without trying to mold her identity to receive my love. I have to be willing to accept her as is without trying to boss her around the way my mom did to me. I find that trying to do better for your kids entails being a better version of yourself. That uncovers the past with startling clarity, and inevitably leads to both pain and healing.

@yohenson

2 жыл бұрын

Both pain and healing. You got that right. Life is tough. But wondrous

@Jo-lp1px

2 жыл бұрын

I applaud you on becoming aware of this. That is key to breaking its pattern to future generations. Don’t be hard on yourself, you didn’t choose to be programmed that way. you can provide so much healing by changing your ways and talking it out with her. My mom was like this with me too and raged a lot at me for health stuff even. I was too young to get. I know healing from that crap is damn hard but you will be free and stop the damage the best you can 🙏😊

@electricbutterflyj

2 жыл бұрын

Bravo! I relate to this.

@williamseipp9691

2 жыл бұрын

@@Ikr2025 When you say she can't "stand" for you to have an opinion on her looks, I sense resentment in her part. Like she's developed enough of a will to stand up for her own views, but not enough wisdom to be able to communicate with you openly about why it pisses her off. Ahh, communication. Such a simple idea yet incredibly hard in practice. I wish you the best, I'm sure your daughter knows you are coming from a good place.

@risebyliftingothers7016

2 жыл бұрын

She will outgrow the dislike for you I promise and even the dislike for being “pretty” that seemed so important to you. Sometimes they just like to do the opposite to show they are in independent of us. It’s good that you took such good care of her and made sure she was cared for and clean and loved, she will appreciate it later, maybe say 25. Hang in there ♥️ Good job Mama!

This very much resonates with me. It also explains that inward wince when people say how 'nice' you are, and you think "no, I'm not nice, I am just saying what you want to hear and painfully contorting myself to fit with what I see as your needs/expectations for fear you will hate me otherwise". And of course you hate yourself a little bit more each time.

This almost hurt me to watch. I have been a people pleaser all my life. Was condition that way through my mom. She was very toxic and had a strong personality. Most of my family does. But I was very meek and soft spoken. I grew to become more of an aggressive talker but not an assertive one. I have a had fight but that usually came from a blow up. Because I internalize everything! I'm in therapy now. In my early 30's and have had serious health issues because I bottle in my tur feelings. We my therapist finally made the connection between my childhood trauma till now. Made a whole hell of a difference. I still get scared to say no. But I will push with all my might. I realize no matter what happened to that little girl... I matter now. And I should speak up for myself. Peace and Blessings to you all

This video is speaking to ME! May those who are struggling to be AUTHENTIC, hang in there! Stand on your boundaries without wavering!

@royferguson3909

2 жыл бұрын

☮

@ilarionastreos6823

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you. I needed that.

@Freespiritedqueen

2 жыл бұрын

@@PersisP same thing but they are not speaking on that directly.

@CesarClouds

Жыл бұрын

❤

I'm not really understanding the need for attachment. 😐 I have spent the last 10 yrs detaching from most of the people in my life and have never been happier??? I spent a lifetime clinging to selfish and cruel people...terrified of being alone...finally I realized being alone couldn't possibly be worse!!😉 I have returned to my natural state of peace and love.👼💝...most of the time!! 🙄

Unfortunately it's human nature to take too much kindness for a weakness. Being kind depends on who you are dealing with. There's some nasty people out there that do not deserve kindness.

@HisaLight2mypath

Жыл бұрын

All my life I've been kind to people and all they did was use me and take advantage of me it happens every single time men and women so now I'm going to stop this with immediate effect

you are right. and by the way, this is exactly what the movie Fight Club is all about. getting ill, because of not listening to his inner voice, his fundamental needs. he needed to let go of the wrong attachments, which only fed his ego. such as Ikea, Gucci, or being a good-looking successful "man" driving fancy cars, etc. he did not listen to his fundamental needs, therefore became ill. he identified with the role he was playing in society, the roles that society was expecting from him. the resulting illness (depression and psychosis, being sleepless for months) is part of an unconscious awakening process due to suffering. Tyler Durden is the manifestation of his inner voice, a hallucination, showing him, what he needs to change in his life, to become a happy person again. and it worked out. in the end, he can sleep again, and became awakened. even the physical injury at the end (he shot himself into his mouth in order to kill the hallucination) is nothing in comparison to the mental suffering before. now that he is free and awakened, even that injury doesn't even matter. this is the last scene of Fight Club. but people think the movie is about toxic manliness. nope. manliness is, what he needed. and he needed to let go of the wrong attachments, which again, only fed his ego. such as Ikea, Gucci, or being a good-looking successful "man" etc. he did not listen to his fundamental needs, and therefore became ill.

Thats really interesting about the notion of when you are too nice you feel shame because you are not being true to yourself.

I became a super nice person in my teens. I was never told I was loved or shown affection. So I thought I was ugly; monster ugly. So, I thought maybe if I’m super nice people will over look my ugliness. As an adult with children, I wanted to do better for them. That was when I realized I needed to fix myself. It was a long hard journey filled with anger, tears, and understanding. What kept me going was that I saw a photo of myself taken 20 years prior. I saw the beauty that I wasn’t able to see in my youth. My kids say I was a babe, lol. That was 15 years ago. The journey continues and I hope it never ends. I am nice but not overly so. If you disrespect me I will let you know, sometimes in a mean way, but mostly with respect.

@Chahlie

Жыл бұрын

I had that moment too, of seeing an old school photo and not really recognising it. All my life I thought I was hideously ugly.

My mother did regret having me, but I don't regret being in this world, on this planet, living this life. I love the adventure I call my life. Thank you Universe for this experience and the lessons I learn everyday and the tests that made me resilient. My parents were angry with me because I wasn't 'myself '. But at the same time they told me how to be and how to act and how to talk and walk and even how to feel. It's not their fault. They can't give what they don't have. They have their own limitations and their priorities were not in raising a child. They had their own 'grown up' problems and coping strategies and their need to prove something to the world born out of their own childhood trauma.

@danielesteve8359

Жыл бұрын

Don't b hurry. You will

@Amber-yu2ph

Ай бұрын

don't let her define you.When she fill herself with so much hatred,you being happy within yourself is her karma

Someone told me years ago being called nice was not a compliment. It was a derogatory & powerless affirmation that one would literally betray themselves just to be liked and not rock the boat about what others wanted. Nice is giving up your own power. And I believe it is fear based. If you're not "nice" people won't like you. You'll be alone.

@kathyporcelli9265

2 жыл бұрын

My whole life.

@patrickvanmeter2922

2 жыл бұрын

@@kathyporcelli9265 Good for you. Alone is nice.

@empty-ed

2 жыл бұрын

Giving up your power ?? Ok then all nice people start being horrible …. Be yourself .. Never heard so much Shyte in all my life

@charlesgwynnethicasiano6719

2 жыл бұрын

Nah. I like being me, and if I get called nice for what I am, then that means I'm just being a good person and not being a prick. You can be nice with boundaries.

@latsyrcy6878

2 жыл бұрын

Yes. 🙏

this rings a bell. When I was a kid my mum was always depressed and angry after work and I always used to blame myself for it, turns out it was because my mum and dad were having marriage issues but I didn’t know that at the time so I spent years trying to behave and be the best child to not make her more depressed when in fact it wasn’t even me all along. I wish I had known otherwise I don’t think I would have become such a people pleaser that I am today and it’s not even a choice it’s like my brain shifts to it automatically without me even noticing

Authenticity can lead to chaos if you don’t have goals, and if you’re not particularly conscientious. So here’s a thought: aim at the highest good that you can, live authentically and conscientiously in service of that, and have a strong “yes” to move towards. It’s a lot easier to have boundaries and say “no” when you know what your yes is. The better you get at this, the less likely you are to be taken advantage of. The snakes prey on people who don’t have goals or personal power of their own, and who live for the approval of others. But if you do have clear aims and you orient yourself according to principles that serve those aims (living for your own self-approval), the snakes seem to almost instinctively know not to mess with you. Aim high and stay true to your path. 👊🏻

@zainabe9503

2 жыл бұрын

Amen amen

@heathers.here.

2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely! I’m 42 years old, have lived in a sort of chaos all of my adult life, but was always thought of as ‘the nice one’. After a leukemia diagnosis and a lot of soul searching, I realized I sacrificed so much of myself and literally ‘niced’ my way into a fatal illness.

@TheJberrie

2 жыл бұрын

@@heathers.here. wow, that must've been a very difficult realization to swallow. I wish you strength and healing on your journey. 🙏

@penderyn8794

2 жыл бұрын

Some peoples good intentions are another person's worse nightmare. Tread carefully

@HighSpeedNoDrag

Жыл бұрын

Right On Jon, and I have literally endured significant crimes (felonys) against myself when I let my guard DOWN. I am probably lucky to be alive this very day. Excellent Comment.

For me its sometimes difficult to know when to be authentic and when to suppress myself. Because sometimes you need to do sacrifices, especially when dealing with people who have power over us. But Im getting to the point where i'm starting to care less about the possible consequences of resisting what I truly feel. Because I feel i'll be alright no matter what.

Absolutely true. Being toooo nice is costly. Emotionally / financially. . I' m hanging on the cliff after being a too nice a mom to my own children.

How about we take the word 'nice' out of our dialogue. Have good intentions always and call people out in a kind way if they are not valuing you. Respect is KEY. Can't go wrong. 😁👍🙌

@1Loveneverends

2 жыл бұрын

Love your comment.

@CraigMcfly1985

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Barbara.

Once you understand that you can't please all the people all the time.....then u know you have mastered the right strategy of wisdom.

So painfully relatable! Kindness spread only to others but yourself can be deadly...

Being a detached person is a blessing.No efforts to put up boundaries…they are always in place.

@brianna094

2 жыл бұрын

I think this is why I'm a loner. I have a habit of choosing people who don't belong in my life and I've realized that I can't trust my own judgment or protect myself the way I should, so now I allow no one in.

@kellyboyle7732

2 жыл бұрын

@@brianna094 Me too!! I don't trust myself

Being too nice becomes a pattern to others, where all along they have been controlling us

If you betray yourself, your no different from the people who hurt you. I do concur with the message in this video. We realise too late after being too nice. Even so, it’s better late than never to love yourself and put yourself first and live your best life

@sallyrile7601

2 жыл бұрын

So true 👍

@ryu7964

Жыл бұрын

Trying to be bad or trying to be someone we're not, changing ourselves superficially for another person or the prefered sex, is like putting on a mask, being toxic and inauthentic. Im a nice guy and i treat women nice, because that is me. If i were born a bad guy, maybe i would have a different life, but i learn to appreciate myself the way I am. So I encourage you to be nice or whatever way you are. The right person will appreciate you in the way you are, after you appreciate yourself the way you are. All this "Don't be too nice to women." is false indoctrination to hurt women. Please dont. You are only weak if you hurt others and not strong.

How I wish I had known this many years ago, my life would have been so different. Such a wise man, children need to hear this explained to them.

@bamgold4677

2 жыл бұрын

How's it going ;

I have been expected to be nice, seen but never heard. I'm a woman who has been abused and silenced. I just want to be heard and validated and supported. Being overly nice hasn't really gotten me any happiness in life.

@priddyting

2 жыл бұрын

@Nurture With Noelle Thank you for validating my words and please know that I hear you, I see you and what you have been through is significant. 🤟🙏🫂💝

@pure_awareness

2 жыл бұрын

If you wanna talk about it then I will listen, I'm the same that I give too much and be nice too much, they all hate that when you project neediness I guess.

@nemoianpaw9929

2 жыл бұрын

👍🐝🌺

@bobitabird

Жыл бұрын

D. Crawford I'm in the same shoes)))))

@priddyting

Жыл бұрын

@@bobitabird I've gotten better at setting boundaries and have stopped giving my all to those who don't appreciate or reciprocate it. Wishing you a happy 2023 🫂💞

Find Balance. Don't be too overly righteous and don't be too evil. This means, find the right Balance between Compassion and Wisdom. 💯

@sonnyfong9462

2 жыл бұрын

Bring too aggressive can kill you too. I agreed finding balance is the key.

@CobraDove1111

2 жыл бұрын

I'm not being or doing evil at all. Sorry, not sorry

@Kalleesto

2 жыл бұрын

What if evil is your authentic self? This is so short sighted .... Not you - just the video in general - it's so ... shallow. Is there anything on this guy that isn't trite?

@antonboludo8886

2 жыл бұрын

@@sonnyfong9462 Be assertive when need be, but not overly aggressive. There is a clear difference between the two.

@blazingstar9638

2 жыл бұрын

@@Kalleesto sounds more like no identity yet. When u let ur shadow self define yourself completely

When pleasing you is killing me

This guy has done a lot of work to understand the needs as children through to adulthood. Though I don’t know his work thoroughly. What I regret are my choices in my 30-40’s as a parent . Not truely seeing my own self and not understanding my growing child’s self. The body is amazingly made.

That is the simplest explanation for complex problems in our lives that I have ever heard. Thank you.

I am so proud of myself- this might sound cocky but I truly am. I don’t let people walk all over me. I stand up and I say enough and have no problem cutting people out of my life if they cross a boundary - I had someone try to get physical with me and will never speak to them again. I learned boundaries myself. This wasn’t modeled to me by anyone in my life I have always had dignity and high self worth i just didn’t realize it. These videos are confirmation that I did the right thing and I will continue to speak my mind and everyone else can be mad or walk away from me if they chose- I have myself and that’s all that matters.

@christinethornhill

2 жыл бұрын

@Adam 1111 How right you are

@zainabe9503

2 жыл бұрын

Yes yes.

@greggoreo6738

2 жыл бұрын

U sound mentally healthy. Have you read? Melodies Beadie's (Sp?) "CO DEPENDENT NO MORE"? you score a bull's eye!!! Bravo! Gregg Oreo long Beach Ca

@kikiprimavera9203

2 жыл бұрын

I’m in the same boat with you, however still a work in progress😊👍🏻

@barbaraschain9260

2 жыл бұрын

I am in awe of you. I am still trying. It's so hard to change who you fundamentally are. Long road for me but i am aware...that's the all important step. Thanks for your story.

I was betrayed too many times that killed me the same amount of times. And I survived. But the best part is that I decided to break that pattern of giving too much. Future is bright.

His voice is so soothing, one of my favorite mentors. I wish I had the honor to meet him. I admire him and love him so much! He was very present on my last ayahuasca ceremony. The first night of the ceremony, I saw the people on the trains going to the gas chambers.... so much suffering, so much pain. I wondered why the medicine was showing me that... on the second night, this vision was related to him, to Gabor because he is a survivor of the holocaust, and imagine the pain of his ancestors.... of his grandparents, we Carry that trauma within ourselves... yet he is a beacon of light coming from the deep darkness that the holocaust represents in the history of human kind. Thanks for sharing ❣️

Nice people: if you haven't learned how to recognize narcissists stop now and learn. They love to snack on nice people but if you learn what they are like you'll be able to see them coming. Dr Ramani has videos on this. I wish this type of stuff was taught in high school. It would have saved me a lot of hurt.

my attachment need died long ago my wake up call came when I realized that a lot of people use other people to further their own agenda. I advocate for myself and live for myself. I do not need others to validate myself.

A useful step, imo, is to start saying, 'I disagree' in conversation. Can be over anything really. It really helps me. And, also funnily enough I've found it helps conversation go more smoothly.

Thinking that giving is a prerequisite to love leaves little room for human experience, as relationships with humans require the flexibility that comes with disappointments, mistakes, along with pleasurable occurrences. So sometimes you turn off the faucet, of giving, to not waste the water that can overflow and maybe run out and not be available or appreciated when necessary.

I'm grateful for Gabor Maté in our present time, helpful and using common sense, without false sentiments and sugaring his listeners. I believe integrity is understood well by him.

Truely strong people are nice, it comes with confidence. If you are not nice you have a problem. Some people are nice by nature which is good. Being "nice " to please others is a mistake. Being nice, and Love are the nature of God. Some people, those that are spiritually unconscious mistake niceness for weakness. That is their mistake and error 😁😁.

@garethwinch2347

2 жыл бұрын

Well said

@lurettagarner9670

2 жыл бұрын

SUSTAINED BROTHER! SOOO PROFOUNDLY AND POWERFULLY SAID!

@anjou6497

2 жыл бұрын

👍💜

@UnlimitlesslyFunnyDude

2 жыл бұрын

Truth Exposed

@jesusbermudez6775

Жыл бұрын

Strong people are nice they also have human values so they have peace.

I had just heard this concept before seeing this. Unfortunately, it is the story of my life. Thank you, Mr. Mate for your incredible clarity, as well as for sharing your wisdom.

Gabor Mate says some of the most powerful things a human being can hear. I identify with attachment and authenticity as I was growing up as a young boy. I was so lost sometimes I just wish I had the right frame work from the start.

Brings tears into my eyes. So much wisdom and empathy. His voice... He's brilliant.

Truly deep, eye opening. I almost feel like I woke up from a deep spiritual slumber, after making some huge mistakes and bad moves most of my adult life.

the thing is for those who are nice, genuine, hardworking, thoughtful are always recognised by those that are the polar opposite & therefore sadly get taken advantage of.. period

@yuppers1

2 жыл бұрын

True. It's like you have a sign on your forehead. That's why good people must learn to say no.

@danielklemm8446

2 жыл бұрын

yes

@liviusss

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, and the minute you set some boundaries they are all horrified...

Growing up with abuse, I have to say, thank you for sharing, this is all hitting home. I fell ill with mental disorder and physically. Because betraying your own parents is very difficult to do when you're young and reliant on them, no matter what pain they cause you.

Mixing up niceness with warmth of being/some people have greatly developed warmth of being, learning to manage your warmth of being and keeping it well developed for top quality relationships that work for you/developing your warmth of being is not a dysfunctional thing to do/ not projecting it onto others that dont have that great wide breadth of warmth of being /when they are limited in warmth of being is where the trouble is., knowing that you are rare and your rules are not average about how you work, some people naturally fall along the lines of greatly developed warmth, warmth is a great asset when you know understand its a great yet rare tool in life, there is a place for it and you can corner the market with there being a market for warmth, dont look for like minded/look for rare and great warmth if you want to love some one/look for some rare other some one who also has developed an unusual amount of warmth!

@bamgold4677

2 жыл бұрын

Hi ; warm

Unfortunately "kindness" true genuine kindness is seen as a weakness . I have been abused, mistreated as a result of being a kind person. It's in my DNA to be kind. Yet I'm the one who has been used and then dumped, years of therapy has done nothing but make me feel worse. PTSD, childhood abuse, trauma etc has destroyed every attempt to have love, unconditional love and emotional connection..

@bamgold4677

2 жыл бұрын

How's it going. Being kind is attractive ;

@yuppers1

2 жыл бұрын

Same. I'm so sorry. We all deserve better.

@lonesomealeks4206

2 жыл бұрын

When you stop being kind, another sickening thing happens. 'They' will start calling you mad, a-hole, psycho and so on. You will lose most if not all of your contacts and 'friends'. Exchanging one suffering for another. There's no escape. Depressing really. One thing that helps, if you cannot be alone in this world, is finding a soulmate. An equally kind person.

@jhavajoe3792

2 жыл бұрын

In the long run, I feel you will win. I was always a "nice guy" and there were a lot of benefits and of course, many mistook it for weakness, which in ways it was. The later being the sense that I was slow and rusty to realize I'm being betrayed or insulted. I got much better in turning on a dime, if pushed. Yes, I've had PTSD and it makes you feel "lesser than." Count on the brain fine tuning its GPS as the years come forward. I've never been this happy---

@lecomtedeneuch9994

Жыл бұрын

I changed my G. You will start a rébellion. Everyone will hate. Your family, your so called friends because they cannot tolerate that a weak person is on the way to become strong. And a weak person who becomes strong will be far more great and powerful than they'll ever be. Push through it. While you were nice, they took advantage of you. Belittling you. Once I realised all of this was a scam, I became ruthless while still remembering myself that I'm a good G. You will be alone for a while but you always were lonely even with people around you, just admit it. I found peace and solace. I'm energetic and more successfull in all domains that I coulďnt even realise. You've got this ! ❤

Gabor, and his son Aaron Mate, are awesome folks. More people like them would rapidly improve this world

I was brought up a Catholic. We were told that it was our religious duty to put others first. I now prefer Aristotle. He said if someone is horrible to you once, accept it, but if they try it on again, stand up for yourself. Much more healthy from a psychological point of view I think.

@Hisgirlsue

13 күн бұрын

Just to be clear, there is nothing in the actual teaching of Catholicism that says anyone should be a doormat. ;)

Be your authentic self because that will help you build authentic relationships, which will help you live authentic lives, which will help you live happier lives. And know that if someone doesn't like you for being you, it isn't because there is something wrong with you, it just means you are not right for them. Being able to set and keep healthy boundaries is also going to help you not get sucked into people's problems while making sure you are taken cared of.

@ryu7964

Жыл бұрын

Trying to be bad or trying to be someone we're not, changing ourselves superficially for another person or the prefered sex, is like putting on a mask, being toxic and inauthentic. Im a nice guy and i treat women nice, because that is me. If i were born a bad guy, maybe i would have a different life, but i learn to appreciate myself the way I am. So I encourage you to be nice or whatever way you are. The right person will appreciate you in the way you are, after you appreciate yourself the way you are. All this "Don't be too nice to women." is false indoctrination to hurt women. Please dont. You are only weak if you hurt others and not strong.

This is insanely profound and otherwise excellent. In my summarizing words: "The real tension is between attachment and authenticity. If I expressed my authentic self back in the day, I would have lost my attachment." Word. So good. Here is what is weird. The attachment that was being offered then was always an illusion. It was the carrot, but the carrot was always false. My favorite things in the human experience are love, laughter, and authenticity in no particular order. My 22 year-old daughter sent me a T-Shirt yesterday of The Who, which is my favorite band of all time because they do not cotton to a lot of BS, and they, to me, invented punk. If you do not eventually rebel to whatever degree from your primary conditioning, you are quite literally F***ed. My therapist who says that she had nothing to rebel from says that she had to figure out how to rebel to gain her own autonomy and authenticity. I love Gabor Mate. Thank you. : )

@WayOfThinkingYT

2 жыл бұрын

it is really good Kimber, hearing this helps a lot

@kimberknutson831

2 жыл бұрын

@@WayOfThinkingYT I am very happy to hear that. I really think the stuff you choose to post and the way that you choose to post it is very meaningful. My therapist says that Besel van der Kolk changed the world with his book The Body Keeps the Score. The idea that we can carry around trauma in our bodies that our minds are unaware of was a real paradigm shifter for me. While working toward a PhD in 19th-Century English Literature back in the day, my "subject position," meaning my critical lense, was psychoanalytic criticism. As a result, I have read most of the major works of psychology's heavy hitters, including Freud, Jung, Klein, Laing, Kristeva, and many others. I am also a big fan of great philosophers like Nietzche, Kierkegard, Plato, Socrates, Kant, Hume, Heraclitus, and many others. My point here is that I obviously have been an ardent believer in the powers of the mind. I also believe in the value of talk therapy because it has helped me immensely. Having said that, my perspective on mental health therapy has evolved a great deal since reading The Body Keeps the Score. The body carries the history of everything we have ever experienced for good and ill. If it was traumatized, the person can get stuck at level 2 of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, which is primarily concerned with personal safety. If you get stuck there, you miss out on the upper 3 levels, which is where all of the "good stuff" about being a human takes place. This is also true for animals. My daughter used to volunteer for a no-kill animal shelter, and the owner kept all of the dogs that she and her husband affectionately referred to as "the criminals," which are dogs who will probably never recover from, say, their owner intentionally throwing them down a flight of stairs. So tragic. Finally, I have recently been grateful to people like Dr. Mate who seem to me to have taken the body trauma idea and ran with it to great benefit. I think that the work of van der Kolk and Mate is greatly enhanced by their own personal journies in attempting to recover from childhood trauma. It is not possible for me to express my gratitude to these two men. I also really appreciate this channel. Thank you. : )

@Freespiritedqueen

2 жыл бұрын

@@kimberknutson831 I adore Maslow and I resonate with what you speak of about getting stuck (been at that stage for 23 years) and yes, I have a traumatic past as a single parent.

@sayusayme7729

2 жыл бұрын

Beautiful, isn’t he the best 🤍

@jamiewilson2149

2 жыл бұрын

the Who contains pedophiles

I need to learn this majorly right now .. my kindness is literally killing me right now.. I am genuinely a nice kind person but see I neglect myself too much and now physically it’s showing 🖤🙏🏼

@UnlimitlesslyFunnyDude

2 жыл бұрын

On what things you neglect yourselves?

@HisaLight2mypath

Жыл бұрын

Stop being kind.. I'm stopping.

@UnlimitlesslyFunnyDude

Жыл бұрын

@@HisaLight2mypath why so?

@inhabitantwaps3qs803

Жыл бұрын

The sort of parent who cant get angry at there child is a great example.

I have a teacher, whom I haven’t seen in years, but I never forget him, who told his students (me included) a story. Another student came to him and complained about his health. He has so much pain. It prevented him from doing things he enjoyed. His life was not happy. Our teacher said this is good! Good, the hurting student asked?! Yes, good, the teacher replied. You are not dead. Pain tells you you are not dead. You can still do something about this. It is what Dr. Gabor Mate is saying: you body is talking to you with love. You still have time. Pain is not dead; it is the voice of the body yelling at you to wake up and do something. Another teacher, Caroline Myss, also touches on this. Healing v cures. No everyone gets a cure, but you have a chance to heal what ails you, to face the fear, the past event, whatever, and to let go. That Freedom is healing. The burden is lifted and life, however much is left, is a joy. I had a client who was dying. She had let go, forgiven others and herself, and was a joy to be around. She was living fully with everyone who visited her, and I tell you many visited her. Her funeral was standing room only. She never married, never had children, but was so giving, kind, so interested in others and had the best humor. I have been blessed by so many wonderful people in my life, my mentors and living examples of how to live better. I try to be a grateful student and do better with my life, and forgive myself when I feel less successful in this attempt.

@annemurphy8074

2 жыл бұрын

I got goosebumps reading this! Thank you for sharing!

So so grateful to be in the world where we can hear your compassionate wisdom. Getting back to the authentic self is so empowering and yes we may end up disappointing a lot of people but the cost analysis is that we end up appointing ourselves to returst our own true self.

Very true and the one thing that is being actively destroyed at present. Both attachment and authenticity. I 100% relate Thank you for voicing this out loud.

This knowledge is priceless…. Understanding this and experiencing this … Wow…. This is the first time I’ve heard anyone explain it … It’s a gift , although being honest with myself can be emotionally draining at times, I’m grateful at 51 years old to continue to learn about me… thank you

Wow, this makes me realize that probably no one you know or meet is actually authentic and their true selves...puts a very new perspective on everyone from now on...instead of superficial acquaintances, must look a little deeper with a genuine sense of compassion...will make people much more interesting...thank you!!!!

As a child, I was mocked for never smiling.I panicked and imagined that everyone would find out why I was so unhappy. I had to keep the secrets my abusers warned me that if I told anyone they, and my parents would go to prison, and I would be put into a home for bad children, because everything was my fault, and I was told never to forget that, I believed them. So as often as I could, I practiced smiling,and being extra nice to everyone. It didn't take long for people to start calling me smiler. I was so relieved.It was around this time that my mother began calling me awful names. "look at you with your big flirty eyes smiling at men, to get their attention." ."You are nothing but a little whore man mad slut." I was only 10. There was no point in me protesting,because she was in control. I can laugh at this now and reason on how pathetic my mother was.(I actually feel sorry for my parents) They should never had children I know I was not ,and I am not ,what she called me. I don't need or crave her love anymore. I love myself, and I have love in my life.I believe that I am a good person The past often invades my dreams and certain smells take me right back to my abusers. I am living my life now and understand myself and others better. I still at times feel empty,and need to be alone. I'm fine with that. I'm a survivor. I wrote this not to get sympathy but to hopefully give the abused the courage to reclaim their lives, and to open the hearts and minds of some parents so they will take better care of how they speak to and treat their children.

@jayaxavier1959

8 ай бұрын

So sorry that your mom hurt you with bad words. My parents too used to insult me and hurt me in front of others. Though we can forgive them but we can never forget those incidents.

😇Sometimes we just need to know there is another human being who understands what we go thru on the deepest of levels. Some people can just live on being shallow, and being blown in the wind not by choice. But yeah, empaths really suffer thru a lot. Dr. Mate hits it right where it lives.

@Badpenny13

2 жыл бұрын

Do you think that "being shallow" could possibly be a defence mechanism or coping strategy? Same goes for level or lack of empathy.

@ktpuss

2 жыл бұрын

@@Badpenny13 No I don’t think they realise they are shallow, in fact I’ve even met shallow people who think they are deep thinkers but they covet material things and don’t have meaningful relationships. Just an observation.

@bamgold4677

2 жыл бұрын

How's life going ;

@Zvynb

10 ай бұрын

well said

True story. People don’t see it as an attribute they see it as something they can take advantage of and it’s sad.

@lurettagarner9670

2 жыл бұрын

YES INDEEDY! TRULY SAD...

This video is gold and it really resonates with me and my life. I believe I'm learning to be closer to my authentic self despite all the internal trauma that I went through. It's incredibly amazing to feel that I can choose myself even if the world is going against my ideas or my way of living. Literally you don't have to fit anywhere or live the way others expect you to live. You are the only one that is going to be truly there for you, people can help you but NO ONE can be you. Remember that you can love yourself the way you deserve because you are amazing and you are meant to show your own light and essence to the world and to yourself over anything else. Love will naturally come in the process, love you mate:)

You always find yourself respecting people with boundaries even of it kinda bites .

They won't show up weeping at you're funeral. They won't show at all and even say how much you were such a bad person for when you had enough then once you put one of them in their place. If you forget your needs and surround yourself with selfish people, you're in a bad place you created yourself.

The heart will always be true. Never forego your heart for social concepts of how you should be, learn to listen to it, it is not a fairy tail but is a true friend. Everyone is unique. By just being and feeling we are already a success.

@lurettagarner9670

2 жыл бұрын

SUSTAINED BROTHER! I LOVE IT!

A lot of people labeled too nice are really naturally warm hearted and the are widely miss-read/misunderstood, because its a rare form of moxie/and will take another rare person with abundant sense of open warm heartedness to know what its benefits /its incredible majesty of heart and being is really going on /they will tell you to set boundaries and limit yourself from this extra healthy way of being /when learning to wield your warm heartedness and that you can see the limitedness of others hardline ways of being and learn to free flow around those hard-lines /it may be rare but for a few its about learning to manage your free flow /manage living in your softest softness then conventional boundary setting is not needed/ when you've learned how to not get entangled in the messes and still keep having an extra amount of love in you , learn to value your warmth more and it will keep you free, be with warm hearts not like minds!

Indeed, one can make even a bad medical decision for themselves because of being too nice and caving into pressure, instead of listening to ones inner conscious and what I've learned is that some Doctors will take advantage of that and "sell" services in cases where one doesn't need them.

I learned that being a good person and being nice a very different. The power of saying "no" after reflecting, is protecting yourself from being overwhelmed and obligated. Someone had a seizure 15 ft away from me. The response team acted quickly, as a nurse I wanted to help, but had to take my ego out of the equation. So, I got outta the way and listened for any help needed. They needed a pillow. I reacted immediately for what was needed, then let the team handle the rest. I stayed in my lane. Being too nice (self inflicted obligation) very well could have hindered the team's care to the patient.

What are the disadvantages of being too nice? You attract the wrong kind of people Be excessively nice and "you will start to attract needy, whiny, overly emotional, demanding/controlling, 'guilt tripping you if you don't do something for them' types of people," she writes. What happens if you are too nice? An excessively nice person might never be really known on a deep level or taken seriously only funnily. Their preferences might be over-ridden, and they could be neglected.” It can even impact your job. “Being too accommodating can make you a bit invisible, because you never stand for anything.

Most important lesson in life. Look after No1 first and foremost, because no one else sure as hell will. It's not self absorbed or unkind, it's the law of the jungle. And we are still animals at the end of the day. You can be nice but not at the expense of your own health or happiness. That is the road to ruin.

This came up on my recommendations. I must say that self-knowledge is the only way out of pain. It won't be found here watching this video. But that realization is a relief in itself.

you can't live other peoples lives for them, and of course, youngsters never want to listen, because they think that they know it all. but, as long as you have tried, then you did the right thing. unfortunately there are people out there, that will take advantage of your easy going nature, or your naivety, because you tend to see the world, by your own experience and actions on how you would behave. unfortunately some people, will see this as a weakness and try to take advantage of your kindness. but, only people, who understand themselves, and are self confident, will be prepared to show others kindness, but kindness isn't a weakness in strong people. as those that try to abuse your kindness will soon find out. the abuser needs your generosity, but you can take back what was yours to give in the first place. and a strong person, won't judge the next person out of fear, of being, their normal nice self, and end up being paranoid and mistrusting everyone. being kind, doesn't mean being stupid , gullible, or a weak person. one shouldn't be, self first self last, that's a sad way to live and think

@lurettagarner9670

2 жыл бұрын

SUSTAINED!

All makes sense - except - I think authenticity is more than just a practical need for survival (Being in touch with your needs) . To me, it feels more existential / spiritual. And I think this is also depicted in the final section of this video.

@annemurphy8074

2 жыл бұрын

For me it seems to be about a return to our true self which is love. I had an NDE that was very profound. I was shown and remembered, that love is who we all truly are, our true beings. We are all made of the same stuff, love without conditions. I was shown that my challenge in this life was to remember who I really am and also to remember who we all are, especially those who who seem to cause the worst hurts or where "evil" is happening. I was shown that evil is not ultimately real, that it happens when people are disconnected from themselves and source, which is actually impossible but it can feel so very real. People can have empathy turned right off and they can be full of rage, fear, superiority etc. Evil behaviour comes from a very confused and lost, state of mind. When we die, there is help for all of us to come out of any confused state so we can remember who we really are. I was shown there is no external supreme God that judges or punishes us in any way. If we experience such a thing, which is possible, it is an inside job, a state of mind. We all eventually remember, nobody is left behind. Ever. Again, this love that we are is without judgements, opinions, beliefs, gender, conditions of any kind. It is whole, completely accepting, and compassionate and has total clarity. "I AM" and am being made more and more aware, that "I AM" is love while here, embodied in the physical world. Perhaps that's the point. To be who we really are, to shine that light fully, that love into the world, while we are human.

You may not like Mark Twain but he said: "Never allow someone else to be your priority while you remain their option." Its a really good thing to remind yourself to not get carried away. Leave plenty of time to consider motivations of others before acting. Detach emotion and look at facts and you will be a lot happier.

This has to be one of the most important videos on the internet. There should be classes in school on this. What we are taught in school is. Ridiculous. Amazing. Video thank u

@inhabitantwaps3qs803

Жыл бұрын

Let me tell you something your potential as a baby child has been completely stripped by society, if you had been brought up in a world of love and of the bible a world of openness and less suppression where everybody cared for themselves and others nobody would suffer disease or mental illness. You would be at bliss yet 90% of people on earth will never achieve bliss because of their circumstances not even up to there choice but there environment. What you are now is not your true self but a hollow shell a coping mechanism for the horrendous world you live in. And to try break outside of that is the hardest thing anybody can do and all it does is get punished by the society so nobody does it or very few.

I do agree with you whole heartedly. I have found myself to discernment and to detachment, after recovery from cancer. This practice have not been easy for me. I have back ground of Buddha (Buddha's teaching), and reading books to gain more knowledge to realize that children are not our, they are lives of male and female longing to be born to the world, and have lives of their own, so for us, it is necessary for parents to learn to let them go.

I liked the explanation of the fundamental needs of attachment and authenticity, and the importance of staying true to yourself!

That s a fine line between the need to attachment, closeness to others without losing one s unique singularities

What gets me are the quotes and phrases “You never know what battles someone is facing.” “Be kind anyway.” “How you treat your customer service folks says a lot about you.” It’s hard to be nice/kind on a 24/7 basis. It’s terribly exhausting and I lose kindness on my own self bc I’m constantly seeking to be kind and put others first bc they may be facing battles as deep and painful as I am. I don’t know how to balance my assertiveness in gentle firmness with maturity bc of sensitivity. Wish I knew the gray area better.