1. very emotionally delicate 2. highly critical of others 3. quiet smugness 4. constant need for reassurance 5. passive aggressive 6. deep shut downs 7. victim mentality 8. poor listening skills 9. drain emotional energy in a social situation 10. cynical regarding other's successes 12. self-sabotage

@myutube5882

3 жыл бұрын

But very good listening skills in the beginning, when they're love bombing/drawing you in and also figuring out what makes you tick (so they know best how to control you).

@carolnahigian9518

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly my brother K - always offended Just a BORE for 66 years!!!!!

@speedskater5613

3 жыл бұрын

My husband has them all

@_anon_4532

3 жыл бұрын

@@speedskater5613 me too. I’m financially dependent on him and he’s scares me. I don’t know how to get out of this relationship.

@coriander3170

3 жыл бұрын

@@_anon_4532 call a domestic violence hot line. They will create a plan and provide undisclosed shelter so you can leave. Don't say you're going to - just Leave.

When they shame you for your “negative” emotions and expect you to comfort them through theirs...

@melissag8270

3 жыл бұрын

That’s my mother! She’s an emotional wreck 24/7 and constantly needs me to be there for her, constantly complains and nags... but if I have a bad day and need to vent or am struggling emotionally she gets angry at me

@gracenroses7471

3 жыл бұрын

@Serpentine Sword oh, how I relate!!

@LilBrownieD

2 жыл бұрын

Yes!!

@harleyquinn5774

2 жыл бұрын

Yup.

@jdglen24

2 жыл бұрын

Thats so true...so true

The tell tell sign of any narcissist is putting their needs above everyone else at all times

Perfect description of my wife. The rollercoaster ride has become boring and disgustingly predictable. I used to crave a real conversation with her. Constantly wondering why I cant actually connect on an emotional level. everything is fake and false. dry and impersonal. for the longest I thought it was me, right up until our kids were old enough to communicate and express feelings. I love my babies. She hates that I adore our children. My son watches your videos, you have improved our lives immeasurably. THANK YOU!

@jjjackson5183

2 жыл бұрын

I am sorry to hear it. I hate it when a spouse COMPETES with their own children for time, attention and resources. The worst of both worlds, single parenting but supporting and stuck with a spouse so you can't go out and seek a real partner in life. Watch out though. Such a person lies easily when it suits him or her. The most outrageous things will come out of her mouth if it suits her.

@sgueymard

2 жыл бұрын

The fact that it's not your spouse who watches the videos says it all... Congratulations for raising your kids well balanced among the obstacles. 💯💘🍀🌠🏆

@LOKI77able

2 жыл бұрын

That's one the worst partners you can get...

@rettahenry4267

2 жыл бұрын

My husband as well ❤️‍🩹 very smart kid❤️

@k8eekatt

2 жыл бұрын

I am glad you have found some help here and I hope you can find an effective and understanding therapist. Even when the problem is with the other person there may be ways you can optimize your relationship. All the best to you🙏

They have to be the one who suffers the most. No one ever has it worse than them. You could be in a hospital bed dying of cancer and they will sit there and moan about their rotten life. It's like they are in a competition with you, like the "Pain Olympics" or something.

@flamingsword777

3 жыл бұрын

Oh my God, you seriously just described EXACTLY what happened whit my mother and me! I actually DID have cancer a few years ago ay the age of 37 (thyroid, and it almost killed me twice before anyone even knew I had a thryoid problem, let alone cancer of it) and she is a nurse who's never had cancer, but BY GOD, don't you know that her broken shoulder was WAY worse? Yep, that's her alright... Woe is me! Also too, I learned from my own aunt and uncles and even grown son that she lied about being raped at 10 years old to compete with me, because I really was raped at 4 years old.... I died at birth from failure to thrive and being born 6 weeks early. In my case, failure to thrive was from me dying from a literal lack of love. This is why I am very grateful to God for the experience He gave me in Jesus in Heaven. My father was extremely abusive to her, and she was extremely abusive to me. I don't understand this.... I love my children with EVERYTHING I GOT, and I cant understand how you can do this to your own child? 😢😢 this isn't woe is me either, it just astounds me that this is what I was subjected to my whole life... Now it makes sense why she's distant with me right now as I try and repair my 25 year marriage. I wonder about my husband too sometimes because of things we've been though ( he was abusive to me in the past), but then begin to think its me that's the narc for even thinking that because I'm no angel in life either.... I am so confused!

@DeborahLArmstrong

3 жыл бұрын

@@flamingsword777 Hugs to you... Narcissists love to keep you confused. But if you are learning about this stuff, you are already sorting it out.

@flamingsword777

3 жыл бұрын

@@DeborahLArmstrongthank you so much for responding to me and yes ma'am, i sure am trying! Hugs back to you and I am saying a special prayer for you too! God BLESS you! Are you SURE I'm not a narcissist? I know I have attachment, codependency and abandonment issues too, but the abandonment and attachment issues seem to be dissolving with The Lord's Help?

@flamingsword777

3 жыл бұрын

@@DeborahLArmstrong you so don't have to answer me ma'am, I am just thinking out loud, lol...

@DeborahLArmstrong

3 жыл бұрын

@@flamingsword777 I don't know you in person, so I cannot say if you are a narcissist. But generally, if you are even asking yourself that question, it's likely that you are not. Narcissists don't ever self-reflect, so they wouldn't even ask themselves that question.

The worst part is the multiple personality part. They can be very fun and pleasant among more surface level friends and coworkers, but they can be completely different and cold-hearted towards their family members.

@Maria_9789

3 жыл бұрын

Yesss (:

@heather9165

3 жыл бұрын

You just described my mother... to a T. Pleasant and loving to outsiders, and then mean and hateful to her kids.

@wellnesspathforme6236

3 жыл бұрын

@@heather9165 Sad to hear this. Can I add another nuance? How about never willing by to admit how crappy she treated the kids -- usually never discussed, but if it came up, the denials / rationalizations flowed like water during a flood. These people are broken at a level below their ability to manage it. Once I keyed in on these dynamics, I see these traits in a whole lot of people. The gist of the Bible is that God is in the process of recreating His Character of Care-for-Others-Equal-to-Self, but what we see around us is the manifestation of the exact opposite, even if cleverly masqueraded. Read the fruits of God's Spirit, and them reverse them. What results is a very concise description of narcissism as we see it today. You likely know this, but it wasn't you. Your subconscious might not fully get this, though. It was almost certainly that her children represented a *stressor* in her life, and her sympathetic nervous system was so upregulated that she lost control. This environment is very stressful. The body goes through metabolic changes when under chronic stress. I **highly** recommend you look up "Morley Robbins" and learn what he reveals about these nutrient dynamics. The easiest thing to do is to stop eating iron fortified processed food, but that's just the beginning. His program is given away freely.

@Forestlif3

3 жыл бұрын

@@heather9165 My father is the same. I dont see him much.

@Namari12

3 жыл бұрын

They're SO much fun with surface level friends. And they seem so giving and kind.. it's only later you realize all those gifts were 100% transactional and designed solely to cement your loyalty and create a sense of guilt and obligation toward them.

They just can't bear to see other people happy.

They only engage when it’s someone they want to impress or that they are attracted to. They will sit pouting or just staring and act like saying a single word is sooooo difficult but the moment they see that girl/guy they are into they will light up and try to show off etc. Then go right back to being a lump of dull negative energy the moment their potential supply is gone. It’s so creepy.

@mariahconklin4150

2 жыл бұрын

I guess. 🤦🏽‍♀️🤷‍♀️ Maybe they just like the person they are with. I don’t like being around people and feel grumpy around them but when I’m around my boyfriend I feel happy but without him I’m sad then their are other times where I want to hang out with people other then him. Some people I like others I dislike. It’s not all black and white

@marleym808

2 жыл бұрын

@@mariahconklin4150 it’s different with Narcs. If u haven’t been with one it’s hard to understand. It’s not black and white for most of us but narcs view and behave in very black and white thinking and behaviors.

@nandanapalchowdhury4588

2 жыл бұрын

Man, this is the most accurate thing ever

@DJSHIREEN

Жыл бұрын

On point . Have experienced this sooo many times .n I was labeled as jealous,insecure, psycho n narrow.minded . Well, time proved me right . They r the biggest hypocrites

@gayleneflower398

Жыл бұрын

“Lump of negative energy”, perfect description!

This is spot on! What is really scary is the vulnerable narcissist who is also able to turn this behaviour on and off at will, appearing charming when it serves their purposes.

@rachelbrough8160

3 жыл бұрын

@@mindylehrman6471 sounds like what I went through and still going through! It's so damn hard because I actually really love him and we do have lots in common. He's in South Africa and says he wants me to go and be/live with him. I visited him 2 years ago and it was lovely, I have to say that, it was. I'd be making a huge sacrifice and giving up everything I know and the thought of doing that is very scary and hurts. I love his Jekyll character, I wish he was like that all the time but he isn't. His behaviour and treatment of me at times has been awful - even at a distance ( I'm in UK) he can be so controlling and manipulative at times, he does display the covert/vulnerable narcissist traits. This is so unbelievably hard for me - I hate it. I actually did walk away 4 weeks ago - no contact.......it was really tough......then we spoke recently.....not a good idea but it happened. Heart and head doing battle right now. I know what he is at times but I think I will always love him. Call me stupid, I probably am.

@laurai2599

3 жыл бұрын

Mindy Lehrman me too!!

@patsig7632

3 жыл бұрын

@@rachelbrough8160 I'm sure you deserve better. I'm sure there's some nice non-controlling, non-manipulative man in the UK who would love you and treat you with the respect. Firstly, respect yourself. Don't allow yourself to be mis-treated. Grey rock!!!

@melanieknowles7002

3 жыл бұрын

@@rachelbrough8160 please dont pack up u life for this. Take time. Do u really want this. When u in SA the evil comes out. My lesson learned.

@lindafrantz7545

3 жыл бұрын

Two words: My Mother

raised by one - this is a cinch! 1) gossips & snoops 2) backstabs/triangulates - communication is always indirect 3) critical 4) manipulative 5) martyr/victim complex - seeks sympathy, not empathy 6) extremely emotionally immature 7) envious of other women (or men but they're usually women, no?) 8) belittling 9) enamoured with celebrities & fame 10) "faultless"/blameless 11) shallow/vain 12) morbid/sadistic ie schadenfreude 13) contemptuous, petty, indifferent (added extras for good luck)

@davidslocum9536

3 жыл бұрын

She McGee, I see you've met my mother and sister! 😊

@WollongongSkyWatch

3 жыл бұрын

My father is all of these. Of women: not a particularly attractive looking piece. Of men: he could have been a movie star / model, or no comment.

@angelanicholson951

3 жыл бұрын

You are spot on. I met one in particular, a man. Utterly vile! So scary. Had a couple of sister's the same. "Had" because i went no contact. Best decision ever made. You know this type fully well, with every point spot on.

@Jessica-iq6kj

3 жыл бұрын

Wow, totally on point!

@venusrising6554

3 жыл бұрын

These individuals are creepy. They appear harmless until they snap. Then the lying, manipulation, self pity & vicious rage comes out. Wolf in sheep's clothing is right!

I went out with a vulnerable narcissist. Never have I had to walk on eggshells this much. Their silence is incredibly cruel, and they will never admit the harm they do. If a smallest thing is not to their liking they will just walk out without communicating and leave you worried and confused, not even knowing what you did wrong. I’m so glad I ended it but the damage they did was very deep.

@caroline378

Жыл бұрын

@iako gegechkori I’m sorry this is happening to you. What I mean by their silence is cruel, is that it feels like they’re constantly punishing you with their silence, and you’re never sure why. A healthy relationship requires communication, and you can’t communicate if someone is freezing you out all the time. No matter how much empathy and understanding I had for them, they’d get angry with me if I tried to communicate, or simply just leave and never explain why they’re even upset. You should not feel constantly confused in a relationship, you should feel loved and safe. You are worthy of a healthy and mutually respectful relationship. Sending a big hug!

@bereal6590

Жыл бұрын

@@caroline378 you're spot on. This is my mother. It's water off a ducks back with my father an overt narc with aspects of autism spectrum on top. Me the sensitive empathetic one, it cuts me to the core. The most emotionally cruel hot to freezing cold ppl are vuln narcs. They expect you to be a mind reader of their thoughts and feelings but show total disdain for how others feel.

@debbievoss3496

9 ай бұрын

Yeah, my mother was quick to sing the praises of the the dumb saying, "Sticks & stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me". Ah, WRONG!

@Sharon-jg9ls

6 ай бұрын

I just experienced this…totally shut down and silence. Then purposely doing things to “punish”…wanting to text but then went I’d engage he would just stop responding, purposely ignoring messages etc…The worst experience of my life.

@helenmcclay2622

4 ай бұрын

Kings (or Queens) of Silent Treatment.

I am in awe. I just got out of a 4 year relationship and this is 100% spot on. It was so so hard to leave and I’ve often felt embarrassed about just how hard it was to get away but this makes me feel so validated in the struggling. This was the same guy who could, in less than a month after my mom dying very suddenly to extremely fast moving cancer, was telling me that I wasn’t showing up for him the way I should. At the time I was 24, and his “empathy” lasted only about 3 weeks. I am so so happy to be free ☺️

@idid138

2 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry about your mom. Sure she'd be glad you are free. I lost my mom 3 years ago also, to surprise cancer that took her in 3 months. Even so, I can't imagine only having one month to say goodbye and you are so young... grief... it's a lonely thing when you're in relationship with a narcissist. I've been thinking, I too should move on and live a better life, to honor my mom's memory. I hope you're in a much happier healthy place now. Take care.

@maggasaki7774

Жыл бұрын

I’m sorry about your Mom, too. I’m trying to get out of a 2yr relationship with someone who I am now realizing is absolutely a narcissist. I’m embarrassed, too, because I’m a therapist and I even fell for it. We helpers are easy targets. And he’s disabled so the needing and deserving attention and entitlement is amplified.

@rainingpatchouli4476

Жыл бұрын

This posting made me realize my ex MIL died and my narc said"why do you care?" (My daughter grandmother was a huge part of her life) I then was told he couldn't handle his friend crying over their friend killing himself.... he was annoyed ...I dumped him after giving him hell and yelling at him .he won't be back

@mstashfish5796

3 ай бұрын

I am where you were, a little over 4 years in now, and I'm trying to plan my exit. it is so hard, I don't know why, but I know this is not healthy. I literally have so much documented just to refer back to, to keep my sanity, because everything always ends up being my fault! Thank goodness you got out!!!

@fastchomp

3 ай бұрын

Literally same boat, I didn't know she was a vulnerable narcissist until recently, quite a while after leaving the relationship. One of my best friends died, and while I was traveling, a single weekend mind you, for his funeral, she called me and we had an extremely long conversation about how she felt like I was ignoring her and just having fun with my friends and taking the opportunity to ignore her. Meanwhile I was literally at a funeral, spending a tiny amount of time with people who also loved my friend, GRIEVING. Any time I was traveling (only for a weekend or so at a time for work, albeit joyful and fun work), she would bombard me with her feelings that I was having fun without her and she was so bitter and jealous. Then she would swing to guilty for having those feelings, and it would become my job to VALIDATE those feelings to her as well as validate her decision to tell me about them while I was trying to focus on my work trip. Those were the only times she couldn't dictate my schedule for me while forcing me to act as if her dictation of my schedule (revolving around her) was my idea so she could feel reassured.

They will hold on to grudges until they need that person for something again. Then they call them up out of the blue and expect that person to do their bidding. Really odd behavior.

@DMCdantenero112

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah, that's the most confusing part about them. First they say how horrible and unloveable you are, but the moment they want something from you, they start saying how much they cherish you. I tried to figure my mom out for so many years and always reached a dead end. I'm so relieved to know I'm not alone and that this is actually a form of narcissism.

@1986nitya

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly! You're right.

@serenasmuckers9310

3 жыл бұрын

Mine asked her friend, Lynn, to come help her, then after "Lynn" is gone, talks smack about her behind her back. I told her (the narc) she's nothing but a coward. If she can say to Lynn the things she says behind her back, I'd believe her more often. But she never will.

@pamwhitehouse5961

3 жыл бұрын

@@serenasmuckers9310 Yeah, they're two-faced. I see a few of them at work. They are just as arrogant as overt ones and only seem to warm up to the ones with status. Sometimes they'll talk smack about others behind their backs. One thing I often noticed at work and when I was at school is the ones who are toxic and controlling will start crowding around newcomers and try to influence and brainwash them against adversaries with the triangulation. They'll let new people move up to be above me by training them more on certain skills even though I was there longer than them.

@serenasmuckers9310

3 жыл бұрын

@@pamwhitehouse5961 that's awful. Sometimes, though, it's simpler. They go after the new people at school, because halfway through the first semester, everyone knows they're full of shit, and they need supply. They go after the Fresh meat.

It's interesting how many traits a vulnerable narcissist shares with borderline personality disorder.

@hoomansbagira5790

3 жыл бұрын

Well mine was a narcissist and also hit himself in the face many times

@MrNemitri

3 жыл бұрын

@Nolan Grady yikes, I'm sisorry for you

@lemonpepperfreebase

3 жыл бұрын

I’m trying to figure out which one I have lol. I’m not sure if I have BPD or if I’m a vulnerable narcissist.

@lemonpepperfreebase

3 жыл бұрын

@@pjoy8257 Yes, of course. Cluster B personality disorders are frequently comorbid with each other

@janathena7164

3 жыл бұрын

Wow, what an interesting insight! I have been drawn to both in my past.

I have never seen a more accurate description of my ex. This is truly SCARY how close this was to her entire being. I can't even put it to words. This is her 100% in and out. I got out after 5 years. 2 first years were great, then I guess resentment and grudges regarding my "failures" took a toll. From that moment, the entire relationship became a nightmare. I tried everything to make her feel better, to pacify, to make her happy, to support her until I was drained completly. Finally I got out, it was the most difficult decision of my life. Thank you for telling me I was not crazy.

"you don't need to alter your personality or your style just to appease this sulking person on the side" - love it

@violajoseph8549

2 жыл бұрын

Enjoy you and live your life around them, while they having their temper tantrums age 5. 😆 but human age 58.

@barbpaq

2 жыл бұрын

@@violajoseph8549 Except that my vulnerable narc is being mentored by a Malignant narc to listen in on conversations and complain. That's where she beomes toxic

Dr. C OMG!!! You described my life to the “T”. They play nice and nasty with you which often times have you confused. They breadcrumb you they gaslight you they play this superiority persona with you making you question your ability to reason. They are passive aggressive they withhold affection from you they withhold affirmations from you but on the outside people think that they are so wonderful. This relationship is mentally and physically draining. Sir, God bless you.🙏💕

I like how Dr. Carter often ends his videos by suggesting things we can work on in ourselves. It's so easy to sit in judgment and think, "Well, I'm not a narcissist, so I'm ok," but we all have things we can work on.

@Corinna_Schuett_GER

3 жыл бұрын

The Bible tells us how EVERYBODY is a sinner and needs Gods forgiveness. *John **5:24* 🙏

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

Describing a difficulty is not the same as judgment. I'm hoping that for each of us, increased awareness becomes an opportunity for self examination. Dr. C

@patsig7632

3 жыл бұрын

@@Corinna_Schuett_GER Forgiving someone doesn't mean turning the other cheek so that they can continue abusing you. Not in my 'book'. If it helps you to move on and out of the narc's life then, yes, forgive.

@borderlinerecluse

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, I recognized some of these tendencies in myself. So, it's alarming and I want to work on it.

@Corinna_Schuett_GER

3 жыл бұрын

@@patsig7632 You need *GODs forgiveness* first (that's what I'm talking about) to be able to forgive others anyway. It is vital to accept you're a sinner just like them. This has nothing to do with abuse but it's in the 'book'.

One time at a family gathering I had a panic attack and had to go outside to get some air. As I was trying to calm down, my dad came out and I was surprised that he wanted to check on me until he said "how do you think I feel that you can't sit there with me" then walked away leaving me feeling guilty for something I couldn't control. As always, he made it all about himself and his feelings. Amazingly selfish

@Zeepjeliefs

Жыл бұрын

That's so terrible! Wishing you well

I am the child of a covert narcissistic mother and an overt narcissistic father. Life's been pretty tough and its still holding me back in many ways after decades. And I see some of these traits in me and find it enormously difficult to overcome

@marconaa69

9 ай бұрын

I can relate to your situation almost down to a T. The difference between you and them is that you are aware of your flaws and want to try overcome them (even if it's difficult). I wish you the best of luck

@jennifercooper3812

6 ай бұрын

I feel you and am in the same situation. Didn't see the covert/vulnerable one until after the overt one died. I miss the overt one. He was more honest and easier to spot.

I'm currently cutting ties with a close friend who checks every box on this list. They are SO emotionally manipultive. I'm putting my foot down. No more!

@mdmmalou

3 жыл бұрын

The same with me.. A disgusting metamorphosis took place in a close friend I trusted for years, when I said: 'I dont want you to talk about my privacy in the company of others'. She became from a 'close friend' all of a sudden the greatest victim. Denied everything, didnt remember anything, she said fake sorrys and ran to these others to get confirmation from them, huh? Yes! When my trust is damaged I take myself seriously and there is no going back for some fake sorrys anymore. I went no contact. Again a injury to her..Since than she is pure slandering me behind my back to everyone I know, ugh! Even my expartner with whom I get along well now and have a child with, just to sow discord between us. Really ugly they are! I hope you never experience this. Take good care!👋💪

@flash_flood_area

3 жыл бұрын

The description fits my older sister perfectly. A lifetime of abuse from her. Recently, I simply quit talking to her. It's sad, but a huge relief.

@polarbearsrus6980

3 жыл бұрын

Stick to it, it's the only way and so worth it. You have to totally cut them off.👍👍👍

@kaymuldoon3575

3 жыл бұрын

Good for you and congratulations! You deserve better. I ended a friendship last spring after we had a falling out and she verbally abused me for the last time. She wants us to be friends again but I decided back then that I was done.

@polarbearsrus6980

3 жыл бұрын

@@kaymuldoon3575 Good for you, you deserve better friends.

It’s like describing my husband. Today is a bad day. Didn’t know what offended him. Suddenly I get a cold shoulder, silent treatment, glum and sulky face. Like a five year old having a tantrum. They jump to some conclusion without any discussion and suddenly you are guilty as charged. Countless times my words have been misconstrued and used against me. I usually wonder if he even understands basic communication.

@mercariel

3 жыл бұрын

He is emotionally abusing you. This isn't normal behavior or "just how men are.". I hope you find a way to leave and find a partner who doesn't use these behaviours to control you and the whole environment around you with his narcissistic mood swings. You deserve and can have better - I've been there, I promise he's not worth it.

@mercariel

3 жыл бұрын

@Nunya Biznes I appreciate you taking the time to write here. And I'm sorry you and your partner have communication issues. That's not the crux of what we are discussing here though; silent treatment is, forgive me, an inadequate/immature form of conflict resolution/avoidance which some people like yourself resort to at times. It's not healthy but neither is drinking and people still do it. What we are talking about is when it is weaponized by a narcissist it becomes a tool to abuse and emotionally control the partner. It makes them insecure and starved for assurance and acceptance, which is what keeps the co dependent partner always worried about their emotional security in the relationship. It is a very hurtful and harmful tactic that causes emotional trauma and health issues for the person on the receiving end. It's not to be made light of, which I don't think you're doing of course. I wish you well in your relationship and I can assure you what you do isn't part of this discussion so not to worry. Just focus on communicating better with your partner in times of stress. Use your words and don't retreat.

@sharlesb7735

3 жыл бұрын

@@mercariel you are spot on, she describes my ex husband, I put up with the childish silent treatment for 28 yrs, I didn't know about narcs until a yr after splitting. I always made excuses for his behavior to myself and basically that means I wasn't authentic in my marriage. Never again will I be manipulated and controlled by the silent treatment, it just isn't mature or acceptable behavior.

@MB19ap

3 жыл бұрын

@@mercariel I am curious as to how you say that he is abusing her emotionally? You have such little information and its one sided, I get what the silent treatment can be, but silence can also be used when it feels like you are talking to a wall, you eventually give up and the person may feel it is the silent treatment, but it might not be. Like some people are very good at twisting everything to their own favor and beating you down with it, eventually the person learns it is better to not even talk? I am not saying that is how it is HERE, I don't know, but not everyone is as innocent as they may believe.

@justwondering3800

3 жыл бұрын

It’s all about sucking you into their rabbit hole. Was married to a narc for years. His silent treatments were legendary. Twisting what you say is also a classic narc trait. It’s all used to make you lesser...and to have you scrambling to figure out what YOU did wrong. It’s really quite sick and twisted.

I think it’s important to differentiate between covert narcissism and Complex PTSD or autism spectrum disorders which can potentially have similar symptoms. The big difference is the empathy factor and willingness to get healthy / better. I was told for years I had “BPD” which was actually C-PTSD and undiagnosed Aspergers. I often worry I am actually a narcissist because I have some symptoms but I realize how many years I’ve tried to get help and keep working on myself.

@petergriffin383

Жыл бұрын

How are you doing?

@AA-iy4gm

Жыл бұрын

BPD is not narcissism. BPD differs from narcissism in many ways, one of them is that people BPD have empathy.

@birdlover6842

Жыл бұрын

@@AA-iy4gm Unless it is co-morbid with antisocial pd. or npd.

@debbievoss3496

10 ай бұрын

I know I have CPTSD. I have all these different kinds of narcissist personality people. They are almost all the people that have my phone number in their phone. I'm probably safe to go out & about now. 😅

@Wasp239

10 ай бұрын

​@@AA-iy4gmone can use empathy in a malicious way. This is what they do. They hurt people with knowing how it hurts

What a revelation! My seemingly shy and sweet man showed all the signs of narcissism but wasn't grandiose. This video solidified so much for me and I see it all clearly now. Thank you, Dr. Carter for covering this, what an eye-opener.

"Don't poke the bear." Walking on eggshells constantly. ALWAYS passive aggressive. Good at self destructive behavior. Never 4get! 🥺

@MegDD3912

3 жыл бұрын

😄 My dad always says that about my step mother when she's asleep during the day. "Don't wake up the bear!" Lol

@mine176p

3 жыл бұрын

It actually told me it doesn't do the passive aggressive thing very well, he was an expert at it

@SjofnBM1989

3 жыл бұрын

My Dad always said that about himself. "Poking the bear" was.....asking/reminding him to do things he was supposed to do

@tm6835

3 жыл бұрын

I cant talk about anything- literally anything- around my FMIL because she will butt into the conversation with an argument about how im wrong ect. ect. She cant take jokes, says mean shit, and then gets the woe is me syndrome when you point out how shes being.

Spot on. As Always. The saddest thing about them is their inability to be happy for someone else 😔

@candacecasey5634

3 жыл бұрын

They also cannot be happy with themselves. That's why they can't share in anyone else's joy.

@cherylbagley1562

2 жыл бұрын

@@candacecasey5634 Yes, so true. Even when they have all the comforts they are still unhappy.

@catsmeow3478

2 жыл бұрын

My mother, sad indeed.

@catsmeow3478

2 жыл бұрын

@I I I feel you! I’ve had similar guilt most of my life and am finally working through it now that I understand what I grew up with (other than just always thinking and calling her “mean old mom”) and how it adversely affected me and my brother, who sadly drank himself to death after a miserably tortured life of low self worth, anxiety and a string of toxic, broken relationships. My mother’s mother was also narcissistic and my mother had a hard time growing up in that environment as well. But, our mothers are responsible adults and could have done things differently, especially since they struggled with their own mothers and presumably would have liked to do better with their own children. Most people are not all good or all bad, which makes this tough, also because of the shame cast on us for not having only loving feelings for our mothers. I think it’s the most complex and important relationship there is and they messed it up. To me, the goal is to see reality as it is and take care of ourselves emotionally first, as wasn’t done by our mothers. My mother was only dutiful and perfunctory with me, so that is how I’ve chosen to be with her, and I continue to grieve what never was but which I needed and wanted. Best of luck and blessings on your healing journey. 💜

@catsmeow3478

2 жыл бұрын

@I I I really relate to everything you said too and am sorry for you and your brother. Bitterness comes to mind as I know my brother was very bitter and I still am too. Yes, the physical needs were taken care of, but not the emotional and therefore they only did part of the job while messing up the other part massively. My mother is a child too. People who are so wounded and immature and didn’t do their inner work have no business having kids because the kids will most likely suffer immensely and undeservedly for not getting the love, nurturing, emotional support or approval they need and therefore continue to seek it in one way or another forever, often unhealthily and unsuccessfully. Cognitive dissonance is a great phrase to describe it and I feel that too. It’s very hard to hold all the conflicting feelings at once, I say that all the time. It feels all-consuming and I wish it would go away. Prayers for all of us. I hope you and your brother have a good relationship and can help one another understand and heal. My brother and I were estranged our whole lives and we dealt with it all individually unfortunately. 💜

I’m an artist. It’s what I do. My husband constantly tells me the parts he doesn’t like and what he would do to “fix” my obvious mistakes. And he is NOT an artist. It’s made me doubt my God given talent for 13 years. This is my second night of freedom. 🎉🙌🏼🎉🙌🏼🎉🙌🏼🎉🙌🏼🎉🙌🏼🎉

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

Good luck to you. My wife is very artistic, so I get your drift. We need creative people. Keep leaning forward! Dr. C

I'm struggling with healing after 36 years with my narcissist mother.. All of her projections tried to gaslight me into thinking I was the out of control monster. It's really hard because when you're under their control they project so many of their emotions onto you that it makes you feel like you're the problem.

@RolandTreiberDesign

Жыл бұрын

Exactly what happened to me too. All of it

This is SO spot on. My ex wife. Well, this and the alcoholism and food addiction. No wonder I was miserable. It’s impossible to have a rational conversation with these people. And if you try to discuss your feelings/needs, forget about it.

@serenasmuckers9310

3 жыл бұрын

Jon, funny you should bring up addiction. Mines addicted to her computer. 10+ hours a day. She goes into withdrawal if I tell her to turn it off. Electronics addiction is real... There are 7 clinics that deal with it in Dallas.

@JohnOhkumaThiel

3 жыл бұрын

I see the alcohol and food abuse not as problems in themselves, but as symptoms. Deal with the root problems and you will be less and less interested in abusing yourself through alcohol and overeating. Also though, realize, alcohol and overeating are hand in hand biology problems. If you don’t drink so much, you will more than likely also not overeat.

@reenieager4243

3 жыл бұрын

Addiction can also include workaholic. It's used y9 avoid home life and normal situations while gaining sympathy for Having to work so hard and gaining sympathy for that as well.

@ET-xe1vn

3 жыл бұрын

So true...give upon rational conversation. Let go of trying to communicate your own emotions vulnerabilities and needs. The wasted effort only drains and disappoints you

@jesusislukeskywalker4294

3 жыл бұрын

some say the bigger they come the harder they fall. i think that's why they can't admit their own mistakes.

They always stab you in the back

@carolyningalls4580

3 жыл бұрын

They Talk Shit about you to your Children.They Talk about you to Anyone who will listen. They Are Not Worth the Effort. Its been 17 years

My mother is all 12. She’s always been that way since ... forever .. I went no contact with her in Dec 2019. Finally got tired of the abuse.

I always thought my brother was unique. I always thought there couldn't be anyone else in the world with such a toxic personality. - Now here is Dr. Carter describing my brother like he's known him all his life.

@goldbrick2563

4 ай бұрын

Does your brother have a close relationship with your dad?

My dad, quiet but a narcissist. He is sensitive, hypercritical, condescending and easily angered but keeps his emotions hidden until they build up..then he explodes like an atom bomb. He is terrifying when this happens. I had to keep him from killing himself when I was a kid when he blew up. Mom (a high level diagnosed narc) just stood and screamed. I had to stay calm and talk him out of it. He spent his life feeling sorry for himself/playing the victim (mom victimized him) and being very stubborn/cold/distant. He had a sweet side but that disappeared with age. Now he seethes with anger and hatred when he doesn't like an opinion or doesn't get his way. He hates my successes and loves criticizing them. I used to love him but that love evaporated by being the target of hate and being threatened for having boundaries.

@PPMOCRG

3 жыл бұрын

Carolyn McFann I hope that you’re able to limit your contact with that toxicity.

@LynnsYouTube

3 жыл бұрын

Hugs, Carolyn! All of that sounds really painful, but especially feeling the responsibility to keep him from killing himself as child. And that wasn't even talking about the diagnosed narc in your life.

@supersarah5673

3 жыл бұрын

Did your dad by chance have me as a daughter too? Because it sounds like we have the same dad🤣

@FormedMeWithPurpose

3 жыл бұрын

Greetings sister, sorry this is so long but.... I myself have been in the same situation since childhood.. Over time I'd fall for the bait and argue back or get on their level.. I realized that only fueled their sick fire... I had to pray and ask god for guidance because i literally felt like i wasnt gonna make it... God put in my heart to never ever let them or anyone take the love out of my nor your heart nor dim your light... As hard as it might be at times.. (Because i still struggle with this myself) but we must pray for them.. Forgive the ones that hurt us.. Betray us.. Pray for the ones that curse us, persecute us and speak ill on our names.... Forgive.. let go and give it to the Lord.. Not for them but for our own inner peace and joy that has been promised to us all.. So who are they to steal it away... We're children of God... We already have the victory because God said "No weapons formed against us shall prospers.." Its a battle everyday... Stay strong in the Lord sister... I dont know you.. But I love you.. In jesus name, Amen and God bless..

@dawna4185

3 жыл бұрын

wow.....that must have sooo horrible for you...i wish you healing and all the best life has to offer you xoxoxo

You're not kidding!! The vulnerable narcissists are the hardest to detect! They fly under the radar often times. Takes a while to figure them out. You have to know what to look for. I'm on pins and needles waiting for this video. 👀

@NarnianLady

3 жыл бұрын

you can pretty often see them in the ways they try to elicit sympathy by their seemingly innocent charm..

@jesusislukeskywalker4294

3 жыл бұрын

they all play the victim. have faith in yourself. love all. trust a few.. do no harm

@ilove7804

3 жыл бұрын

So true ,middle aged women who act like the sweetest most kindest, people who talk with a soft girly voice and the passive aggressive sabotage that they do and at the same time looking so innocent.

@lynnorlando8714

3 жыл бұрын

@@ilove7804 LOL women of any age who talk with high girly voice = creepy and disturbing to hear.

One of the exes.... one day he started calling me names, blaming me for everything in his life, things I had not done...and I wanted to explain to him how this hurts me and how we need to change the destructive dynamics between us. He didn't understand anything. He completely lacks awareness. After the breakup (which was kind of mutual, but I wanted to fix things) he repeatedly blamed me for his depression. 5 times. "I am falling because of you." - "I feel like shit only because of you.".... "I am already depressed and don't ever do this thing to my doorbell again or else" (I never went to his house since the breakup, have even been avoiding his entire neighborhood)... The last thing he wrote to me was "I have never alluded to you being responsible for my depression". That made me so angry because it reminded me of my overtly narcissistic mother who blatantly alters reality to her liking, denying what she said or did yet remembering how I misbehaved 20 years ago - how could I!!!! .... I know today that my mother is an extremely traumatized person and I feel for her, but she made life very hard for me in many ways. I love myself more, and I feel better when I don't try to save these people and don't try to see the good in them or our time together, because this only brings back cognitive dissonance - that vulnerable narc ex made me feel like being thrown into a blender, making my mind obssessed, trying to understand him and help him because he love-bombed me so much in the beginning and I really liked his sensitivity. Soon it was revealed: he looks down on everybody but himself... My soul got lost very quickly and my heart shut down. I am still reassembling my sanity 3.5 months after the breakup and re-entered therapy. Whereas this person kept complaining about the traumas in his life, how hard everything was, yet never explained any details and never went to therapy. He has made me more avoidant, that's for sure. I was actually feeling pretty secure when we met. Now I only trust my friends and animals. Love yourself more than you love these people. They may be sick but they certainly care more about their fake egos than about you.

I am a vulnerable narcissist and have BPD. I over-analyze myself and shift from hating myself to hating everyone. I am consciously working on becoming more open and honest with myself and others, and I am learning to accept myself as well as other people. Ultimately, I want to improve, and leave this world a better place than the way I found it.

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for your comments...keep learning! Dr. C

@laurieleannie

6 ай бұрын

I realize you posted this 2 years ago but I was wondering how your journey has been for you. I have people I love and worry about with narcissism, BPD and BP2. It’s almost impossible for anyone to accept therapy. (Except me! lol) You are very unusual and you should be proud of yourself. It’s always difficult to ask for help and to step out of or mental comfort zones!

This explains everything. They're also liars, 100% untrustworthy and adept at making excuses for their evil ways.

@martyrose

3 жыл бұрын

Yes. Tonight, I stopped him mid sentence and told him we both knew he was lying and I wasn't willing to waste anymore time listening to his lies, shut the door and walked away. That's certainly not the first time. It's endless. POS.

@leticiabarnes9614

3 жыл бұрын

Mine hid pornography use and bikini baristas that doubled as prostitutes for 26 years. It takes someone without guilt to do that.

@polarbearsrus6980

3 жыл бұрын

ALL types of narcissists are liars... that was my first clue to understanding one of my coworkers was a narcissist. I've known 3 personally and they all lied constantly. It's not just that they lie, they lie to the point of ridiculousness; hard to describe.

@sexyscentangel

9 ай бұрын

They will steal as well. My sister sold her house to my mother for $5000 (as is, no realtors per her manuevering) over ask. Acutally, she listed the house for $114,000 in Spring. It did not sell bc it was already overpriced. By late Summer, she decreased the price to $109,000. The house sat on the market. She manipulated my mother into moving and buying it, selling it for $114,000 in the Fall.

Often comorbid issues, like paranoid personality disorder. Which isnt useful, because it increases "the you done me wrong" attitude. Underlying current of anger. They can be angry for years. They are not team players.

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, you're onto it. Within the next couple of weeks I'll be posting about paranoia as the foundation for narcissism. Dr. C

@ps0195

3 жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism looking forward to this. Married to a VN.

@JohnOhkumaThiel

3 жыл бұрын

The most disturbing aspect of this in my experience is the lying. Once they have something on you, they’ll tell a tall tale about it, which will become greater and greater over time. If you owe them ten dollars, even if you paid them back, it will be a hundred, then a thousand, and that they were supporting you, that you wouldn’t have survived without them over time.

@iaap123

3 жыл бұрын

@Inacrunch 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@_anon_4532

3 жыл бұрын

@Inacrunch that sounds horrible tbh. Why be in a relationship with someone who feels no real love for you and you have to manipulate to get them to act decent. That sounds like pure hell.

I love blasting these videos on high volume so that the narcissists can hear them

@MelissaStepro

23 сағат бұрын

Currently

Thank you, you just described my (baffling!) ex. I would think of him as Mr. Negative. But that vulnerable side, his Poor Me was just irresistible. He fooled me into thinking he had a big hurt heart , and that with just enough love, I could heal him and he would love me forever ...HAHAHA....not. But I did get trauma bonded! That was hell. I now know that Narcissists can't be saved! Just RUN.

@XenaXOE

4 ай бұрын

Wow this is literally me with my ex to a tee😢❤

I find that they seek help and when you try to assist them, they turn on you. You soon find that you need to listen , but understand that somehow they need to get to a place where they decide what to do. It is often a no win. A drowning man pulling you down, as you try to help.

@cendyd.7106

3 жыл бұрын

@Marie Rose, the seeking help is just a tool to real you in, addressing our helper instinct, kindness, empathy. While in the emotional mode of being concerned and wanting to help, your rational mind is blocked and you no longer pay attention to the things your logic would tell you are off. Oldest sales trick in the word: talk to the emotiones, then they can't think clearly. For 50 years my sister's battle cry was: _"Cendy, you must help me, because of .... (lies about her husbands).... I'm so exhausted that I can't do anything at all anymore."_ Because of my empathy and false sense of duty and responsibility, she got me every dog on time. With the result of her exploiting me to the max for weeks and months. While I worked full time and had to take care of my own family, she sat at my house with first one, later three children, had me run her errands, ate my food, used my electricity, heat, water, etc., saving her money. While I took care of them and had not 4, but 8 people to haul groceries and cook for, their dirt to clean, clothes to wash, etc., she sat on her lazy butt, doing absolutely nothing but smoke cigarettes and drink coffee all day long, figuring out who did what to her and how she will revenge herself, concocting lies about everyone and rewriting history. And when I came home from work after a long day, instead of being able to relax, she bombarded me with her negativity and lies. While she vacationed at my expense, the more exhausted I got, the worse got her insults and rudeness. Despite erroneously thinking she needs my help, the right thing to do would've been to throw her out at the first deragotary remark; helplessness does not equate a get-out-of-jail-free card for nastyness. The last time she tried to pull that stunt, 4 months before I had open heart surgery, after the litany of how bad she has it, I told her: _"You know how ill I am, I won't risk my life to drive the hundreds of miles to get you out of the mess you've created. This time you'll have to help yourself, like I had to, despite the troubles you and others caused me and the boulders you and them put in my way."_ Silence, she must've been shocked over her stunt not working like it did for decades, so I said good bye and put down the telephone. Two hours later she called back, trying to appologize, it all wasn't meant that way (gaslighting), sounded worse than it actually is (more gaslighting), blah blah. So I told her straight out that she said exactly what she wanted to say, because for 50 years it worked. Again silence, and I said good bye.

@marierose6792

3 жыл бұрын

@@cendyd.7106 Yes, the abuse ( lying, gaslighting, mocking etc) comes along with the cries for help. Like you, 24 hours a day was not enough hours to have, to fit in all that I did out of love, but they did not show me the love and respect back. Their exploitation had no bounds. I now love them from afar.

@cendyd.7106

3 жыл бұрын

@@marierose6792 the Bible tells me, I don't have to love evil people. Matter of factly, even Yahuah (God) hates what they're doing, eventually even He goes no contact with them, those are called reprobates, the unredeamable ones. "Love your brother" pertains to believers only, to people who want to do right, God's children. An abuser is never one of God's children, regardless of what they claim. They're not my kind of people and have squandered my love for them. I've totally emotionally distanced myself from them, all they are is people I used to know, no emotion involved, neither love, nor anger, as if they're strangers just walking by.

@marierose6792

3 жыл бұрын

@@cendyd.7106 Thank you.

@mariaawake4502

3 жыл бұрын

@@marierose6792 No, do not fall for the "cries for help", most likely they are manipulative and not real.

I feel I have many of these traits. I don’t want them! I have PTSD and really want good relationships and to treat other people in a fair and healthy way. I do have a long history of abuse and abandonment and do feel very separate from any type of tribal experience. I wonder what I can do to change this? I’ve never thought of myself this way. I really do care deeply for others and want to have integrity and do the right thing. Eek!

@seaglass8084

3 жыл бұрын

I understand. And felt similarly after discovering the narcissist in my life and my affinity. Check out the crappy childhood fairy. Any consolation: your level of self awareness is a big green flag of your in tact empathy and humanity (ie not being a narcicicst).

@klairef983

3 жыл бұрын

Many people who are sensitive & empathic & codependent with PTSD & Trauma, etc, have some or all of the traits that Dr. Les is describing here...Does not mean that they are bad narcissist people...There are no perfect childhoods most people have childhood trauma that they are coping with in adulthood...There are very few perfect people in the world that fit the text book description of perfection...Remember that Dr. Les is a trained psychologist & he is trained to pick people apart & diagnose & label them with some disorder...Many nice kind people get labelled & criticized because they do not fit the right description of what the psychologist is looking for...So do not take these descriptions & check list too seriously...He is looking at everything from the therapist point of view...They are always right & everyone else is wrong...Some Therapists can even be Narcissists in disguise also :)

@jennifs6868

3 жыл бұрын

@HTA check out a book called The Artist's Way, by Julia Cameron. it will help.

@LynKS85

3 жыл бұрын

@@klairef983 I really appreciate your perspective. I feel the exact same. Sometimes I get confused because I get told I am very sensitive, an empath, but then I see some traits here and I feel like I am the opposite and actually a narcissist. I worry that I am!

@gisele2926

3 жыл бұрын

Maybe consider seeking some trauma informed counseling or care. I have also personally found that healing with nature and animals goes along way. Also connecting with mindfulness and making an effort to be present in the now.

This is 100 %my stbx. Every single point - the smirking smugness, the constant need for reassurance, the silent treatment, the need for it to be all about him, the sneering internally at others, the thought he's superior but unable or unwilling to join in, gaslighting, lies, the envy, the need to sabotage everything .... All of it. It is so wearing.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

You're right, that type of person will wear you out. That's why you're better off keeping your distance. Dr. C

The vulnerable narcissist in my life was one of my roommates. She basically started avoiding being in the same room with me at all costs. I would try to ask what was wrong, and she'd give very unhelpful feedback, like "You're just a terrible roommate." I tried to guess what she was mad about, then I would apologize and make amends for these things. She would just say, "I appreciate the gesture." And later she'd insist she couldn't totally forgive me because "to this day, you still act like it was an honest mistake, when we both know you did it on purpose." And before I knew what was happening, she'd successfully organized a smear campaign against me. So now, all of our shared friends are entirely shunning me. Who knows what she claimed I did to her, but her fibs must involve me doing some pretty heinous things to get this level of vitriol and hatred from so many former friends.

@kryssysantana7837

10 ай бұрын

this happened to me with a roomate she loved to drink and party was a sloppy drunk and financially irresponsible. She tried to get my roomates gainst me,didnt work because I just didn't respond or react in her manner, meaning bitchy and craycray lol

Wound collectors 😱 and won't ever let go of a perceived insult, slight, offence etc.....terrible.

@keariewashburn4680

3 жыл бұрын

Wound collectors. Yes. That's a good description.

@alonzomosley7

3 жыл бұрын

Great description luv it

@leticiabarnes9614

3 жыл бұрын

Yes and down play any thing they do against others or deny it outright.

@Nyctophora

3 жыл бұрын

Cherishing every possible thing they could use to claim victimhood or oppression.

@lcollins4313

3 жыл бұрын

Now that is a succinct word..Wound Collectors.. Like it.

Not going to lie, I laughed at the phrasing “emotionally delicate”. My ex had a hair trigger and would throw temper tantrums based on his bizarre interpretations of the things I would say (or my tone of voice!)

@kari2990

3 жыл бұрын

Yesss

@traceye.6428

2 жыл бұрын

Same!

About six weeks ago I disconnected from a friend of roughly 15 years, because even after months of repeated warnings, and having taken the time to express the issues in the functionality of our relationship and what needed to begin to change for the relationship to continue, instead of working on things and communicating with me, they doubled down and it began rapidly worsening. They became insulting and massively trying to guilt trip me. This person was 12/12 on the vulnerable narcissist list discussed here; literally everything you said applied to them. Emotional basketcase, everything is everyone else's fault, HUGE victim complex, absolutely self-absorbed, ghosting and then suddenly reappearing when they need support, the energy black hole in every room, attempting to manipulate everyone around them especially by passive aggressiveness/guilt tripping, etc. This person hits every mark detailed in this video; I've never heard a person so perfectly described. I wish them the best, but holy cow.... what a mess.

@littlelamb7890

Жыл бұрын

YEP!! My EX gay-male best fried … but TODAY it ends here with this video!!! 20 years and he STILL doesn’t know how to be a true friend! I would apologize for any perceived “slight” and he would forgive me only to go back and renig (take back) the forgiveness!

All of these signs sound like me (except holding grudges) and that explains a lot. I know I am not a full blown Narcissist because I couldn't cop to this but there is definitely a lot of work that needs to be done. I have married two Narcissists. I didn't know until my 2nd that this personality type exists. I can understand why I was attractive to this type and now understand why I was discarded by both. I am going to continue to work towards healing my vulnerabilities and injuries. I am going to continue to challenge myself to mature and reintegrate back into loving supportive relationships in time especially now that I am not feeding off of or into Narcissistic patterns anymore. Many prayers and light to survivors who turned in on themselves and became their own worse enemy. There is help and relief from grief as soon as you embrace accountability.

@lovelifeandothers6784

2 жыл бұрын

Very brave of you to tackle this

1. Very emotionally delicate. Very sensitive. 2. They can be highly critical, inwardly, under the radar. Covertly. "I'm gonna find flaws in you and then reject you so it won't hurt as bad when you reject me." 3. Quiet smugness. Having disdain. In their smugness, "I'm so glad I'm not like you." They want to belong. 4. Constant need of reassurance. Vacillate between isolation & needing affirmation. 5. They have a major tendency toward passive aggressiveness. Poor attitude toward open communication. Very quiet about it to where you wonder, are you mad at me? 6. Into Sulking. They GHOST you!!! 7. They have a strong victim mentality. The whole world sucks! No one understands me! Pessimism. Victim mentality. 8. VERY POOR LISTENING SKILLS! Always interrupt. Bring convos back to themselves. Poor capacity to join on heart level. 9. Suck the emotional energy out of the room. Walk on eggshells around them. 10. They can be very cubicle regarding others successes or gratifying experiences. 11. Self sabotage!! They don't live into their potential. Difficulty accepting compliments. 12. Have a tendency to hold onto grudges for a LONG time. Hidden superiority.

@wesley6442

3 жыл бұрын

I admit I have a lot of these traits, I do my best to better myself and I hold a lot of these feelings inwardly.. I am sorry you have had bad experiences with such individuals.. wishing you the best :)

@karlachancellor4072

2 жыл бұрын

He loves to report people to a higher authority, rat them out. State board of pharmacy, inspector general, district attorney, etc, to damage and get revenge on those that he perceived did wrong or slighted him. He loves punishing like some avenging angel.

@angelabowman343

2 жыл бұрын

@@karlachancellor4072 my ex. Always calling the division manager or headquarters to complain and get free stuff from them

@ykm_online

2 жыл бұрын

"As if you have done it". "Good, I am not like you". I don't want to share it with you". "Why do you think it's wrong?" , "I never said it". " " I never did it".

‘Baffling’ is an understatement 🤔🤥😳😭🙄😑😶😩🥺😔🤩😎

@star3006

3 жыл бұрын

😂🤣😂🤣😂😅

@seaglass8084

3 жыл бұрын

Right !!!!!

@shellyg5705

3 жыл бұрын

More like 🤯🤯🤯🤯

My narc ex-friend is an interesting blend between a vulnerable and communal narcissist. However, unlike a lot of vulnerable narcissists, she’s not an introvert, but she is most definitely very delicate and she easily takes things the wrong way. When you said “if you go to a party and forget to say ‘hi’ to them, they take it personally.” This is exactly what she is like. I’ve never seen anyone who is so easily slighted over the most trivial things. And, she loves to talk about other people behind their backs and about how terrible they were towards her. It’s so exhausting and I’m so glad to be away from that now. It’s been six months of freedom. 💕😊

I am a narc magnet. I have spent 10 years deleting many from my life learning what it is and who I am and why I allowed such toxicity. I had a guy friend who is a introvert and I a highly extroverted happy go lucky person. I knew he was insecure w a fragile ego, but I never thought narcissist until He started showing spite and weird behaviours over normal nothing. I pulled away realizing this guy is creating drama about nothin g because he actually is threatened by my outgoing nature. He is exactly everything you just described. So sad

They constantly stir up strife behind one's back and aren't satisfied even when you're bending over backwards to please them. But their golden child can do nothing wrong and they sort of worship each other. This narcissist appears harmless but is really treacherous. This was my mother for 53 years. I was always striving, always rejected and never understanding what the matter was. I never imagined she was doing it on purpose, though I saw her calm pleasure in my grief.

@loekiekanters4295

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly.

This fits my ex. When I met him he was so shy and timid. No friends and at 53 I was his first relationship. I was with him 10 years, lived with him 6 years. I used to compare his treatment of me to Chinese Water Torture. Drip by drip he nearly drove me crazy. Thank goodness I got out as I ended up so frightened of him. My family thought he was wonderful.

@cnmuchina00

3 жыл бұрын

They use our pity on them.

@janetpattison8474

3 жыл бұрын

I’m so happy for you that you got out of the relationship. Being around a narc is like water torture, drip drip drip you end up just feeling moldy and rotten at the end of it. The only way to deal with it is to escape permanently.

My oldest friend (now ex friend) is a grandiose narcissist. I feel so bad for narcissists because they don't have a healthy core but I feel worse for the people they destroy. It's clear to me how she became a narcissist. Her Dad abandoned her and her mother is messed up. I remember one year she asked her Mom why she doesn't celebrate my friend's birthday and her Mom said "why would I want to celebrate one of the most painful days of my life?" I remember I went on a cruise with them because it was a better deal if 3 people went versus just mother and daughter. Her Mom was adamant that everyone has to do the spa package because that's where we're spending a majority of the time. That's expensive. They offer a cheaper rate for two people versus an individual. Most parents would let the younger ones have the cheaper rate or pay for it altogether since it was required and not optional, I would have been by myself without it. Nope! Not her! She took the cheaper, couples rate for herself and daughter and I was forced to pay full price. So it's no wonder narcissists come out the way they do. It's such a shame. We need more research on how to treat this and catch this at younger ages.

Thank you for sharing your knowledge. Sadly, it has taken just over two decades to realize what I've been dealing with. As the kids became older and more independent, I finally had the bandwidth to take in my marriage. Someone used this great analogy - as I was juggling marriage, kids, household, and work, it was like a band was playing. Then suddenly the band stopped playing and the lights came on, and finally I could take in who was in the room with me. Now on to making positive changes.

I hope that just being a anxiety ridden introvert with severe OCD is different than what you describe. It's exhausting explaining to people that I am not mad, I am having a good time, I care about others, etc. The behavior you describe is how I am sure I come across, but it's mostly from decades of trying to navigate the weirdness of the current world while working on my disorders. One way I get out of these tense moments is to "get out of my own head" and ask about the other person and listen. But I think in true narcissism, the person seriously does not and can't care about others. At least that's how I've understood it, maybe I am wrong. Just saying, maybe that cranky quiet person just doesn't like social situations. Maybe that coworker is just tired of navigating office politics or politics in general. I know I am.

@MadiRoss91

3 жыл бұрын

Woah you just described so well where I am and have been my whole life. Sharing your soul story like that can make such a remarkable difference in someone’s life. Thank you. I hope you see your power!

@hgzmatt

3 жыл бұрын

I think it's pretty hard to distinguish between a lack of social skills, past trauma, lack of maturity, basically introverted traits and some forms of narcissism. Sometimes you do end up mistreating people but it's not always malicious or intended. There are similarities and I can see some of the behaviours he mentions here and having done them myself in the past. But I guess what counts is that you do care at the end of the day.

@TheBaumcm

2 жыл бұрын

The difference is that you understand that your behavior may have some negative consequences for those around you, unintentionally, and you can see how your behavior could be misinterpreted. You’re not holding it against the other person but merely explaining that it isn’t where you are. A narc will fly into a rage or self pity party at even the suggestion that their actions might’ve hurt someone. Bottom line, if you’re wondering and aren’t doing things maliciously, you’re probably not a narc and people will see the difference.

@elanorglf

2 жыл бұрын

I felt the same way as I listened. But narcissists underlying thoughts is selfish. The fact this "bothered" you, says your not a narcissist at all. Narcissism does not consider itself as a problem. Everyone else is the problem. Look up HG Tudor on YT.

@snu3877

2 жыл бұрын

I feel that many on the autism spectrum feel the way you do: difficult navigating social interactions, and having others comment on how their level of emotional display is somehow 'off.' No wonder so many of us just don't feel it's worth it trying to make friends. It's hard enough just to get by.

The narcissist thinks she is clever, While in fact she is just a deceiver, She lies and she pouts, While I can't figure it out; It's time for me now just to leave 'er.

@danielgouge4639

3 жыл бұрын

I love this

Ugggggghhh...I knew a covert/vulnerable narccissist. This fits him to a "t". The emotional delicateness and underhanded smugness ...that's him. They are the WORST bc they disarm you by making you feel sorry for them because they're so pathetic. But then the ugliness comes out when you least expect it. They make me sick 🤮

I seem to have traits from several types of narcissism. I get very depressed and hate myself because of the way I treat people. I don’t think of myself as manipulative and don’t consciously think of ways to exploit or use people. I see myself as the opposite, never asking for help and always offering compensation for the help I do ask for.

@leewhite344

2 жыл бұрын

Don't let this guy make you feel worse. This video is so creepy and unfeeling. If someone has had bad parenting and tries their best they should give themselves a pat on the back.

@laural.morgan9262

2 жыл бұрын

I agree, this man and Dr Todd Grande have fairly huge hatred for BPD diagnosed women especially and also NPD both diagnosed and undiagnosed--perhaps they were in relationships with such diagnosed individuals, either way, I usually avoid them both.

@WakeUpDontTakeTheMark

Жыл бұрын

If you care about not using people and feel remorse for mistreating people you are not a narcissist

@th3azscorpio

3 ай бұрын

@@WakeUpDontTakeTheMark Exactly. Truthfully, these are traits that anyone can have, to numerous, or varying degrees. LOL this describes a LOT of people out there these days. If you feel guilt, or remorse period, you're not a narcissist.

Ugh. My husband sucks the life out of me. He has to many. He doesn't see the pattern as far as I can tell. Just a revolving door of hell

@speedskater5613

3 жыл бұрын

C'mon people wow we are married to the same creep

@carolyningalls4580

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely 💯 Same.

@aleshat6127

3 жыл бұрын

"A revolving door of hell" yep!

Incredibly educational video. This kind of narcissist will drag you down with them and try to re-shape your whole life, for worse. I would also add another point to the checklist and that is shaming you. They are HUGE on shaming your interests, hobbies, anything. To the point where you may give up on those interests and hobbies, I am serious. That's how influential they can be in a bad way. Just like Dr. Les Carter says - Don't ever adjust your personality and style around these people just because they're sulking, I've done this way too many times and what for? A vulnerable narcissist will make you so confused you will forget who you are as a person. It's so hard to re-build yourself back but it's possible, it just takes time and effort and a lot of self-love. Thank you for this video!

Tried to explain this to a marriage therapist who painted it as a “rough patch.” So basically, I’m making up and or exaggerating all the passive aggression I’m experiencing. Thank God for these videos that validate people who can’t find someone who gets it. Walking on eggshells for years is not a “rough patch.”

Wow. This is 1000% my mom. My moms held a grudge against me for 55 years. She said to my dad ‘I’m done, you deal with her’at 2. She’s proud of that to this day. I asked her if we could have a relationship in 1993 2 years after my dad died and she coldly said no. Some people don’t get along. And that’s it. I have nothing to do with her. It’s better for my soul💕

@HustleHabit

Жыл бұрын

That's tragic. I hope you find peace.

@prayunceasingly2029

Жыл бұрын

My dad said that as a newborn he didn't recognize me as his son. Like he had some kind of intuition that i wasn't going to be like him as a person. He told me this like it was perfectly alright. Which is very odd. Of course I was never the golden child.

Narc people helped me to realize that what we call "Hell" isn't a fiery planet waiting for us in the Afterlife, but rather, a state of mind that can afflict the living... A narcisst's life feels like 'living hell' to them and in their mind it excuses them from all the hurt that they inflict on others. To an exterior observer, the struggle appears real, so you try to help them, but to them you're like another threat to their way of being 🤔

@dnabart

3 жыл бұрын

They're overly identified with the abuser who raised them. They take loyalty to one (sick) parent to an entirely new level.

a curious person looks for a lesson in everyone,a wise person knows whom to stay away from and to not have anything to do with at all!

This is my mom! Thank you! I learned a lot of these behaviors in childhood and kept them until I went to college and saw people with much healthier behaviors and started to unlearn a lot of these while replacing them with healthier ones. I've spent much of my adulthood improving myself away from several of these behaviors that felt like factory default settings. Always more to do to improve myself but so glad for info like this to help me see it more concisely. Life is so much better when you aren't living in constant paranoia! While I can't stand narcs, I can at least empathize with the pain that is living with that kind of paranoia since it was a part of my childhood. Glad to be free of that!

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

I'm glad you have both understanding AND freedom. Dr. C

@t_nels

5 ай бұрын

​@@SurvivingNarcissismIs this the most dangerous type?

Yes,this is the person who waits until our meditation group is happily all chatting,then suddenly she brings everything to a halt by having an emotional,tearful crisis which requires whoever she makes eye contact with and tearfully waves over to sit next to her and give her a hug. Despite her being fine 10 minutes earlier. You can almost count down in your head when it starts. She's 60!

@angelocean5556

2 жыл бұрын

🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣

They can dish it. out, but they sure can't take it!

Cynicism over others successes is so real with these people. I struggled but succeeded in nursing our first baby and he called me a "one trick pony" as if nursing the baby was all I did for her lol

@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690

3 жыл бұрын

You described my youngest cousin right there

@serenasmuckers9310

3 жыл бұрын

I had to have breast reconstruction surgery which included implants. She had little A cup mosquito bites for breasts and says, after my surgery healed, "at least mine are real". I mean, I'm healthy now, and I don't look like a freak anymore. And she says that?

@serenasmuckers9310

3 жыл бұрын

That's awful, Boo

@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690

3 жыл бұрын

@@serenasmuckers9310 wow that is mean. Im glad you are feeling better . My friend had reconstruction surgery on her boobs because it was hurting her back

@booradley8751

3 жыл бұрын

@@serenasmuckers9310 that's so horrible. Im glad you have your health but these people can never be happy or happy for someone else.

Reminds me of my mom but in reality the significant relationships I chose were much the same. They would waver between grandiose and vulnerable but The hard part is they see your response to their constant negativity (discard mode) as a mirror and when you finally cant take it any more and cut them off they project YOU as the vulnerable narcissist and tell others YOU did to them what THEY did to you . Yep. My ex narc tells my daughter he’s too “scared” to talk to me when there is nothing scarier than what he did to me.

I've spent weeks reflecting on my mental state and how I view my relationships, and this has literally been eye opening for me, and helped me realise i've been doing this stuff since I was at a young age, without ever knowing how I managed to feel similar if not identical things with different people over the years, and never began to empathise for the ppl i do this to until now

Wow. This is my spouse...i knew he was a narcissist but some stuff didn't quite line up, but this does 100%.

@janetpattison8474

3 жыл бұрын

I hope, if you want, that you can escape at some point. And create a new life for yourself.

@traceye.6428

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly the same for me!!

No wonder my 30 year marriage was so confusing! At the end of it, he suddenly turned malignant and all the worst parts of him came rushing out. It was very much an Incredible Hulk back and forth transformation with me as the emotional punching bag for months before I was able to go no contact. I’m learning so much here and all the pieces of his weirdness are falling into place.

@jackpetersen7545

2 жыл бұрын

MArtha Lea,Yoh deserves better 🙏

It all hurts so darn bad coming to terms with this horrible off-headedness I swear to god I'll find a way to market this.

I ran into this. What tipped me off was that i felt the same bad feelings of being the problem, being emotionally activated, that i felt w my overt narc parents. If you are ALWAYS the problem and they are always perfectly innocent it's a narcissist.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

You get it.

I have been married to a covert female narcissist for nearly 39 years...just 3 years ago I had a spiritual awakening due to the overwhelming triggering of my "mother wounds". This was the purpose of the marriage in my opinion. God will create using everything at his disposal as He is the creator of ALL. When having this perspective, I see that, overcoming my emotional wounds was the ultimate purpose of this creation process. Now that I have been Born Again and have had my sins removed from me...feeling completely free and alive with Jesus. Nothing can stop me. He has lifted me up on wings of eagles. My marriage is still in tact as I truly love this woman and I believe she doesn't really understand how much she has hurt me and those around her. I now offer her a loving and understanding husband with NICE CLEAR BOUNDRIES. Thank you everyone for helping me through this arduous path. God Bless Everyone...Heaven Bound

@marylouleeman

3 жыл бұрын

Your story resembles mine in so many ways. First of all, our loving father God is at the center of it all. I believe I was dealt the narc mom in tandem wt my brother and next down sister to torment and belittle me all the days of my life. I took Jesus into my heart when I was 6 and he was always with me from then on, with a re-upping at 12, 22, 44, and now after 4 decades of recovery work along with Dr. C and others I can walk tall and become the person I was meant to be. Mom is gone. I can recognize some nice things she did now and by what seems like a miracle I am able to have a cordial relationship with my brother. We were blessed by a unique woman who is his wife and knows how to set boundaries with him and underneath it all he is happy. Lurking below however are the same old weaknesses that I now know so well. So grateful for boundaries and this awesome aura of recovery and restoration to who we were meant to be in the first place. Now I can engage in my Real Life, a promise from God when I was very young.

@davidburd1000

3 жыл бұрын

@@marylouleeman God bless you...

@countrygirl4213

3 жыл бұрын

God sent u a hugh message,me too.Im listening and getting the fuck out.

@helengibbs3153

3 жыл бұрын

David I wish you well but I can tell you as you awaken and set boundaries she will try other ways to undermine you.

@chelleb3055

3 жыл бұрын

That is really beautiful and I do wish you luck. It's not easy to set boundaries with these people and enforce them, too.

This type of person sounds like a victim of narcissist who doesn’t trust people and has learned the s**t from the narc. Propably the one that would benefit from therapy out of all of them most. But what I also think, is that any type of narcissist can also be vulnerable narc and any other type, they can change their role.

@jesusislukeskywalker4294

3 жыл бұрын

same as us. the fallen angels have free will. it's a difficult conversation. check out pastor bob joyce.

@phyllisfleming2853

3 жыл бұрын

I like your observation. I have often wondered if these baffling n's are the children of n's who have tried to change their "guidelines" in order to be less obvious and less outwardly ugly.

@xeniakern7607

3 жыл бұрын

Yes

@tbd5082

3 жыл бұрын

This is the duality of it all. You, my friend, are being initiated into something expansive.

@jennyl7422

3 жыл бұрын

@@xiphocostal that's what I thought too.. my mother in law is a narcisist and my bf has some traits and during a fight he ganged up against me with his mom when he was mad and started saying I said things I really dont remember saying.. He wouldnt do that on his own when we were arguing..

2:08 ¹can be emotionally delicate, thin-skinned hyper-sensitive in small matters 2:50 ²critical in their thoughts about others 3:55 ³quiet smugness disdain condescension 4:58 ⁴constant need for reassurance 5:40 ⁵major tendency towards passive aggressiveness, non conformist 6:22 ⁶prone to sulking • deep shut-down 6:55 ⁷strong victim mentality 7:28 ⁸poor listening skills 8:09 ⁹suck the emotional energy out of room 9:04 ¹⁰cynical regarding others' successes 9:50 ¹¹often self-sabotage 10:24 ¹²hold on to grudges for a long time 11:50 "you don't want to polk the bear 🐼" 🤣😆

@FeliceMVega

2 жыл бұрын

0

@barbpaq

2 жыл бұрын

Helpful! Thanks.

@brendataylor7524

Жыл бұрын

👍🏿 True.

My experience of these traits is that no matter how invested you are in listening and trying to support - nothing you say is going to be good enough. It's almost like ALL narcissistic traits are akin to an 18mth your olds way of dealing with the world.

Oh my goodness! My mom and brother exactly. Mom matches all but one of these boxes and my brother all but two. Silent treatment, pouty, jealous, not happy for peoples success, eye rolling, judgmental and grudges. I can’t win with either one. I walk on eggshells at every get together. I am exhausted and have went almost no contact. I am 63 and I am worn out physically and mentally with both of them. They feed off of each other! My brother is not speaking to me now and my mom grunts when I call! I just can’t believe why anyone would want to be like that. Life is so short and so precious. Every day is a gift and I just have to try and save whatever is left of myself. They have taken my confidence, my respect and my smile. I have to stay strong.

The problem here is that this diagnosis of vulnerable narcissism is dependent on knowing what is actually going on in the person's mind. A lot of these behaviors or reactions could be caused by depression, social awkwardness/anxiety, being on the autism spectrum, schizotypal personality, learned behavior caused of an abusive environment or even PTSD. It would be possible to assume the person's withdrawn behavior or cynicism is because they feel they are better than everyone around them, when in fact they don't feel that way at all. How are you supposed to know what is really happening inside of them?

@melanieknowles7002

3 жыл бұрын

Nothing happens. There are rocks in their heads and 45mpa concrete in their chest. They are sick individuals and dangerous.

@playalot8513

2 жыл бұрын

You'll know if you're dealing with a narcissist person. The abuse although seemingly subtle leaves you in confusion and there simply is no way to have a normal healthy relationship with such people.

@therapymeditation

2 жыл бұрын

My husband has depression and ticks all these boxes. However, he expects me snd others to know his moods, what he wants, and react accordingly. If not he huffs and puffs and sulks- silent treatment. He gets mad if you’re not anticipating what he wants. He has no motivation to get along or communicate to come to a resolution. I believe bc of his past and depression, this has caused a lot of these symptoms, but even depression can negatively affect their partner. It’s a hard person to be around who expects you to make them happy and know what they want while they have no desire to connect or reciprocate. And everything I say, he takes it as me out to get him- I’m always the enemy. He holds massive grudges against everyone from his past. The almighty victim!

@amandacrss

2 жыл бұрын

@@therapymeditation these people do the emo loop. The love bomb, discard, hoover loop. That's a difference if you realize it.

@la_scrittice_vita

2 жыл бұрын

Yep. A lot of these reduced to the external behavior could just as easily be narc victim who's recognized and cut ties with the narc, which narc sees as ghosting them because they are the damaged one. The description of what the alleged VN is thinking sounds like true narc projecting.

Well, that was extremely helpful. I've spent years trying to establish if my sister was a narcissist. I love my sister. One of my biggest fears is that she will reject me like my parents repeatedly rejected me. And she has for long stretches. My father is a malignant narcissist. My mother had histrionic and narcissistic tendencies and was what might be coined a vulnerable narcissist. My sister is the youngest and was always treated as the good daughter. In the family role system, I was the bad daughter even when I was a virgin who was introverted and hid in my room reading books to stay out of the line of fire, and always tried to please my parents who were never satisfied. My parents taught my sister how to treat me and to devalue me. Here, I am, almost 64 and still in this dynamic with my sister. She ghosts me if I am not on my best behavior and I stop walking on egg shells and express concerns. I try to do a lot of self-examination. What did I do wrong or how did I play a part in causing the upset which entails my sister storming off in a huff as soon as we disagree on anything so there can not be a connection or communication despite differences. Whenever it seems like something I could possibly be responsible for from my own selfish end, I apologize. And wow, Dr. Carter nailed it. Even my apologies are never good enough. However, this last time of storm out huff, my sister has actually asked me to choose between my belief in Jesus and God, or her and any relationship with her. Jesus and God are non-negotiable for me. This experience was actually freeing. Before, and at other times, I could not quite nail down or figure out if I was over analyzing or being unfair in my observances of my sister because the differences of thought were something of the world, and I could see and understand her side as well as mine. This time, she's asking me to make a choice between her and God. I can accept that she does not believe in God, and does not believe that Jesus is the way, the truth and the life, and no one comes to the father except through Jesus. No one should be forced to change their beliefs and I would not try to convince her to think differently than she does even if I wish for her salvation that she does. People can not be forced to God nor can anyone really control anyone else. The only person one can genuinely control is self and that's enough of a challenge for me. Unfortunately, self-control is not valued and is considered a dirty word these days. I am floored every day at how many people think we all need to think lockstep in agreement or we are somehow slighting someone or a group.

@leanna107

2 жыл бұрын

It is a real thing I noticed how narc of all sorts do not fully submit to God or acknowledge the importance- I dare even say the narcs are jealous and almost in competition of anyone that is a threat to their supply source getting less devoted to their narc needs. It is like they are behaving as the devil... as shocking as it seems to understand to a healthier person.

@lisakittylarooful

2 жыл бұрын

Your story is almost exactly like my family of origin. I was scapegoated. I learned to be a people pleaser. It’s hard.

@k8eekatt

2 жыл бұрын

That is exhausting. She may have picked that hurdle because she knew you would refuse the bait. Very cruel. I am glad for you that you have the comfort of your faith and I hope you can find a new family of kind people who share your priorities❤.

@dylannaenzo9737

Жыл бұрын

I remember the bible verse.... "don't throw pearls to swine". Also remember the verse that says the fruit of the spirit are love, peace, joy, etc.... these are things your sister cannot know. She is ill. She has always been ill, but you just didn't see it. Now you can't unsee it. Separate from her.... she is no fun to be around anyway. I have more fun with strangers on the street or grocery store, than I do with my sister. We send ecards at Birthdays and Christmas. That's it. I don't hate her, either. I loved her very much. But for my self preservation, I must stay far away from her. If I saw her, all I want to say is "why" and she can't answer that either. Be well, my friend. Love yourself first, because you are NO GOOD to anyone else, if you can't take care of yourself, fully.... emotionally. They are like mean Pinnochhios... they never grew up... and they are pissed at the world.... nothing you need to be around during this we call our life's journey. I have no kids, no husband, few friends, but better off without my snarky sister. Stay away because it's necessary for your good health.... mandatory for your good health. I am 71 years young.. still working full time because can't live on Soc Sec alone. My sister was like this ever since I have known her... but it got worse. Enjoy the fruits of The Lord... love, peace, joy.

I have a 16 year old foster daughter and have just realised that she is a narcissist or at least well on her way to being one. She is definitely the baffling vulnerable narc - big liquid brown eyes and looks tiny, quiet and vulnerable. Every time I lay down a boundary she takes revenge by vandalising my property and has even put my toothbrush down the toilet. I had a near death experience earlier on in the year due to my adrenals failing and she came and sat at my bedside and asked in her spindly voice: "If you die, what will happen to me?" Thanks for your concern. I hope that therapy helps her.

He would always say to me “we have to be better to one another otherwise it won’t work .” And I’m thinking “what was wrong ? Where did that come from?” 🙄 I’m also writing a book and he would roll his eyes when I talked about it. What a child !!

@redherronrecords

3 жыл бұрын

Hope the book is going well! :) xo

@TheMar0115

3 жыл бұрын

RedHerronRecords thank you. 🙏😊❤️

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

Same here. Keep writing! dr. C

@notagain779

3 жыл бұрын

Wonderwoman2, I'm guessing he meant you should be working harder to please him. I've known a few people like this, who will hint that you aren't quite doing enough to show your devotion. Your being focused on your book takes attention away from him. Right, his rolling his eyes is childish. I hope he also has some adult qualities. Good luck with your book! 🙂

@TheMar0115

3 жыл бұрын

Jeanog that’s what I was thinking at the time. I know now what he was doing. And really no adult qualities. The more you learn about narcissism the more you will realize they’re adults in 7 year old bodies. And he was grooming someone else at the time he was saying these ridiculous things to me - that gave him the time and room to see someone else and not completely let go of me.

Introvert, even to the point of socially awkward, romantic, fragile. That’s the person I met. You really want to talk about missed red flags?

@seaglass8084

3 жыл бұрын

Død Seiðr with you here, friend!

@evabruchhaus6741

3 жыл бұрын

same

@catherinewacker141

3 жыл бұрын

@@evabruchhaus6741 same same ugh they're the worst.

@frigidmonk

3 жыл бұрын

Being somewhat anxious in relationship style myself, of course one found me. Her problem solving skills were limited to the SILENT TREATMENT and GHOSTING. Final discard after almost 4 yrs was 5 weeks ago and I am devastated. She Ghosted 7+ times but, I chased because she was obviously broken, abused, etc. My codependent empathetic self wanted to white knight her, to save her unfortunately, she wasn’t having it. I once told her the silent treatment is a form of abuse... guess that was another conversation she wasn’t paying attention to. She was Super sensitive to criticism too. Walking on eggshells for sure...all the time. I’m trying to see her absence as a gift, a learning opportunity.😝 Shit! Who am I kidding? She lives a mile away, changed schedule, staying with friends ( flying monkeys), etc. I am TOTALLY GHOSTED! Her loss. I was devoted to her, loved her, and told her looking for happily ever after with her, needing some form of emotional intimacy. After several years of subtly trying to “fix” the situation I, in desperation, I kinda broke down and expressed my need for emotional connection and empathy...you know what she thought of it. She took as ultimate criticism, I think, and gone gone gone! You’ll never get closure from a narc. Listen to your gut and question them at first. Do not fall for the love bombing! Don’t spend 4 yrs believing they are in the relationship with you, it is a lie.🙏

@1986nitya

3 жыл бұрын

Please please stay away from the 'fragile' sorts ALWAYS. They're real nutcases.

My narcissistic mother exactly. Ten minutes ago, she told me that my bad choices as a teenager caused the car accident that broke my back when I was 17. She walked out when I was 14, and yes, I made some inevitable bad choices while raising myself, however I feel a mother in the house might have made a big difference. --sorry- I just needed to vent.

Sounds exactly like the narc I left. He is a combination of passive aggressive covert narcissism with sociopathic tendencies along with the vulnerable narcissist attached to it. He would always be scowling and smirking. He hardly ever smiled. He was a big grudge holder. He was always miserable.

A lot of this matches me, except I don’t harshly criticize others, I’m a good listener, and I’m happy for peoples successes. Maybe I’m just vulnerable and need to work on myself more.

I did not find out my only sister is vulnerable narcissist until death of our parents when she was not stepping up to help, passive aggressive and dumping her issues on me. So not only did I lose my parents but the sister I thought I had.

@seaglass8084

3 жыл бұрын

Cynthia Darr I am so sorry to hear that. Grieving the loss of who you thought the narcissist was is hard enough much less when they’re family much less with your parents recently departed. 💓💞 my heart goes out to you, and your power in speaking your truth.

@marylouleeman

3 жыл бұрын

I know that kind of loss. Sad. Painful. Grieve it and move on. That is all I can see to do. Learn and live.

@booradley8751

3 жыл бұрын

@Sue Ristovska I'm so sorry. That's heartbreaking.

@Maria_9789

3 жыл бұрын

Maybe she had been told nasty things by them. That is happening to me ,but I still go see my mum. I am 56 ,my mum 89 on a wheelchair and the other day I approached her to say something sweet, she sad: ' go away don't want you to bother me anymore (very aware) It was very hurtful. I am very confused about my mum and siblings. Well,I don't know your story with your sister.With my sister it's difficult. I am all alone in this.My father lived alone. As well as my eldest brother. This is so tough. I wish I had had a close and healthy family.

@Maria_9789

3 жыл бұрын

@Sue Ristovska Stay strong.You are not alone.

wow! In a way I can say I see myself reflected in some of these traits. being a chore to be around isn't what I want. I let what is past eat me alive and it's my damn fault. Thank you for these.

Gosh. This sounds exactly like my husband. I finally found out what his deal is, I suppose. I always wondered if he was a narcissist but he wasn’t the flashy type so I figured that I just had him pegged wrong. He’s an isolationist and is very selfish. He was abused as a child so I think that is part of his developing this issue; not to mention his mother had to work due to dad not providing well for the family. So, he never connected to his mother as should have happened. I think that creates an issue with forming emotional connections later in life.

You've described my life with both my sister & my soon to be ex husband! Miserable people who aren't happy unless they succeed at making those around them just as miserable! Baffling narcissist is too kind a term to use when describing these types of people.

@gailrosenberg48

3 жыл бұрын

So true! Misery leaks out of their pours like a bad case of body odor. Soul-crushing life-stealers.

@annehynynen8153

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly. And they pretend to be ok to to all the other people (they are so modest.. ) but when you are alone with them they pour their anger and envy on you.. But, yes, it's so very important - and crucial - for them to bring you down at their level. It's even better for them if they make you - at least seemingly - even way more miserable than what they themselves are.. Then they feel successful. At least for a moment. "Let's just be miserable together. It's all your fault anyway."

@PlagueDoctor82

3 жыл бұрын

😶 Well aren't you judgemental...... ya hypocritical NARCISSIST!!!

It was the shock of the century when the "quiet little mouse" snapped & turned into a roiling cess pool of rage. She had less than others in retirement and her envy became a never ending F-5 tornado of complaints & self pitying fury. She continues to make constant attempts to hurt others to "get even" for the unforgivable crime of having more than her. No contact is the ONLY solution.

@shellyg5705

3 жыл бұрын

You said a mouthful . I know someone like that too.

@venusrising6554

3 жыл бұрын

It was a series of backstabbing, inescapable traps set by the Vulnerable Narcissist & their roiling Malignant Envy. There was an endless list of vicious reasons proving why envy is one of "The Seven Deadly Sins".

Many narcs will pull the caring person in by playing the victim, speaking of how the other person was so horrible to them. The narc will conveniently leave out that they cheated, lied even stole from the person. The narc will say the other person was "crazy" in that the other person was reacting out of the pain inflicted by the narc.

Okay I had thought the "covert" and "vulnerable' narcissist were the same thing. My ex seems to be BOTH. My exes father is grandiose and I spent 30 years making excuses for my husband, saying. "Oh he's not like his dad" Yeah he's a different narcissist.

@suzannehartmann946

3 жыл бұрын

Lol gotcha.

@elleemann

2 жыл бұрын

Me too. Little confused about the difference. Mine does everything here + all of the things I hear about covert narcs. I guess I got a new and improved model? 😒

@TheBaumcm

2 жыл бұрын

Vulnerable is another term for covert. Just as with many illnesses and behaviors, not everyone exhibits all the same “symptoms” nor to the same degree of severity. Due to the fact that both grandiose (overt) and vulnerable (covert) are based in introversion (aimed at yourself) or extroversion (aimed at others) and this is also a spectrum of behavior, a single narc can have symptoms of both.

@Scorpiorisingtwo

2 жыл бұрын

@@elleemann omg YES

@em_zone

2 жыл бұрын

I think I was in the exact same boat with my ex and his father... "oh he's damaged because of how his father was" but why am I being treated so cruelly? I remember crying saying "why can't you just be happy for me?" it was always a competition for him!

1) very emotionally delicate 2) highly critical in their thoughts about others 3) quiet smugness. (Rolling their eyes etc) 4) constant need for reassurance 5) passive aggressive behaviour 6) prone to sulking with deep shut down 7) strong victim mentality. 8) very poor listening skills. No interest in others 9) in social settings they suck the emotional element out of the room. Making others uncomfortable 10) cynical regarding others success 11) self sabotage. Not live to potential. Difficulty receiving compliments 12) tendency to hold onto grudges for a long time. Want to hold themselves ver you Overlaps with covert narcissism

@MobettaFlowerPetal

3 жыл бұрын

Thank You! You're the Real MVP ;-)

@LG-kx8xl

3 жыл бұрын

You can't have friends not only because they criticize everyone privately though to outsiders they appear wonderful but only if they are in a superior position or not around others for lo g because too long their strangeness & being uncomfortable slips out. They also don't like when others like you if they're uncomfortable & must be the center of attention & will lie on you & for sensationalism if it brings attention.

@violajoseph8549

2 жыл бұрын

Their brothers and sisters 😆

There is a quiet smugness to these people. The reality is that they are utterly toxic.

@katydid594

3 жыл бұрын

@Sue Ristovska I’ve experienced that behavior that from a vulnerable/covert narcissist.... the smile when hurting you, does that border on malignant narcissism or psychopathy?

@lookatmepleasesir

3 жыл бұрын

​@@katydid594 that is malignant narcissism

@katydid594

3 жыл бұрын

@@lookatmepleasesir thank you for responding. I don't understand the malignant aspect too well.

@sararichardson737

3 жыл бұрын

@@katydid594 why are we so hung up on the nuances of this disorder. These people are heinous and hollow . S’ all we need yo know.

Two recent epiphanies: 1) the reason my life has been hard for me is that I believed and internalized my father’s (very negative!) messages about me, 2) I am either a narcissist or frequently have acted like one. I am 64; need to re-think things make some serious changes

This explains hell of a lot why I kept falling for the same ''nice'' guy. Thank you so much.