My husband was in the hospital fighting for his life and my narc mother called me and asked me when I could break away and take her to the casino. That told me all I needed to know. She is independent; has her own car and lives 7 miles from the casino. This was my "wake-up" moment.

@opticalsound4444

Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry. That's horrendous

@merrywalsh2809

Жыл бұрын

Is she a gambling addict perhaps?

@daynapeterson9033

Жыл бұрын

@@merrywalsh2809 No she just goes for entertainment. Gets bored and wants to be around people.

@daynapeterson9033

Жыл бұрын

@@thereisnothinghere8829 A big red flag. Glad you saw it.

@teresacotton7923

Жыл бұрын

Dayna. OMG. My husband was in the hospital for an entire month. Had one surgery and recouped 12 days (in hospital) and had the second surgery. My sister called one night I was at the hospital talking to my husband's doctor. She didn't ask what happened? Are you OK? Do you need anything, help? She said "Why didn't you tell me John was in the hospital?

To anyone that might be reading this, I wish that whatever is hurting you or whatever you are constantly stressing about gets better. I wanted to give some positivity out to anyone that might need it since I'm going through a very dark time myself now. Whoever is willing to read this, just do: May the dark thoughts, the overthinking, the doubt exit your mind right now. May clarity replace confusion. May peace and calmness fill your life... even tho current times are challenging and some of you might go through tough times now I sincerely wish everyone that happiness enters your hearts and let all the stress and sadness vanish out of your life...as you know nothing in life is ever easy, but what's important is that you keep going! you're worthy of love and happiness, never allow anyone to tell you otherwise! It can be extra hard sometimes but stay strong and hang in there, your life matters, no one can replace you, I'm thankful you're born and I'm sure your struggles will pass soon! I wish all of you plenty of health and strength during any current tough times you face. Remember you are strong, you got this! never forget that! sending much love over towards all of you, May God or what ever you might believe in bless you the way you need it to! ♥️🌟

@blackquiver

Жыл бұрын

👍👍👌👌

@lisbethbird8268

Жыл бұрын

Right back atcha. Happy full moon🌕

@lulzaccount

Жыл бұрын

Yes! It may take a while to heal from traumatic experience or relationship, but it's important to be patient and persistent. It does get better. It feels slow, too slow, but it does. I went no-contact with my narc GF five months ago and I still process it. As for overthinking, I say let the brain do its thing. Eventually, slowly, it will move on. At least this is my experience so far.

@rori9742

Жыл бұрын

you as well! sending a hug

@blydnhvghn

Жыл бұрын

❤ same to you

I been binge watching your videos. I have narcissistic parents who are also addicts. They tried to steal 40k from me. They gaslighted me and verbally abused me like they did as a kid. They also physically abused me as a kid. I’m struggling with all the trauma this is bringing up in me. Your videos have helped. Along with my husband and my good friends and my therapist. They ruined me. On a side note. You are amazing and you look gorgeous in this video. I’m so grateful I found you

@927Peaches

Жыл бұрын

Could you please explain what you mean when you talk about organizing your space and money? (around 14:52).

@miriamrich4418

Жыл бұрын

😊

@AM-qr4ys

Жыл бұрын

@@NopeNotTodaySatan that made me cry. Thank you so much for that response. It really means more than you know. I needed that and appreciate it ❤️❤️

@notbill08

Жыл бұрын

I'm sorry you went through such a nightmare of a time. However you are not "ruined"! You are a person who deserves love, care and support. Healing takes time but you will heal. ❤

@gypsysoul4994

Жыл бұрын

You couldn’t have said it better! Thank you for your vulnerability! And I agree, Dr Ramani is an awesome role model and great therapy! ❤️

Honestly you have saved my sanity and changed my life and I've be so much better without my narcissistic mother.

I've learned they completely lack empathy & will shut you down if you try to express your feelings (on how they hurt you) to them. That's for family, romantic, work ect relationships.

@Greenwings701

Жыл бұрын

@@supercalifragilisticexpiali That's an actual crime. A friend is someone who has your back, not someone who's waiting for you to turn your back.

@MrTwinkieeater

Жыл бұрын

It's nuts how they will create the situation, then when you do that, they blame you.

@T00124

Жыл бұрын

No matter how hard I try, I cannot get away from narcissists! Dr. Ramani stated years ago that it seemed like everyone was a narcissist where she lived, in Los Angeles. I live in Southern Chester County PA and am from Delaware. It seems like 90% + people are narcissists here! Looking at it, this has to be the richest area (Mid-Atlantic) in the USA so unfortunately it makes since. A lot of people here are emotionally immature, hurting for money, or have money but pay a price to make it. I used to love having my own apartment. I had one at age 21 (lasted a year) and age 24 - 29. I never made enough to live on my own but the abuse was so bad at home, I was pushed out, and wanted my own life, that I tried. Now with even higher rent, I have to rent rooms in houses and it sucks. The type of people one gets is embarrassing. You can’t even keep to yourself or politely point something out (cleanliness or etiquette wise) with the owner, leaser, or roommate getting upset. I look forward to getting my own house and moving away from this area.

@aprilmonique7639

Жыл бұрын

@@T00124 Yep, they don't want to listen to what you have to say or if they do listen they'll get offended but they expect you to honor everything they say. I agree, it's best to try and to stay away from toxic living situations. I wish you the very best in your future. 💕✨️

@aprilmonique7639

Жыл бұрын

@@MrTwinkieeater Yes, exactly. ✨️

For my mom, doing things for others is just a token to put others in her debt, so they feel morally obliged to put up with exploitation and abusive behaviour. She also uses it as a reward. Like you give a dog a treat if you are satisfied with how it performed a trick for you. But mostly she uses it to put others in emotional debt.

@denisesatt7044

Жыл бұрын

My mother has no concept of altruism. Her true thoughts were suppressed for decades. You can only know yourself in the grand scheme of things.

@loraineswanepoel287

Жыл бұрын

My mum likes to do this to me. She does "something nice" for me and then I have to repay her by doing "something nice" back for her, but it involves doing nice things for her all day long - like being nice to her all day and buying something for her and doing her chores in the house etc. I have come to the point where I hate it when she does something nice for me especially if I have not asked for it and I will almost never ask her for anything as she will always want to be repaid.

@psmith6512

Жыл бұрын

My father as a self righteous narc behaviors like that.

@bottleneck979

Жыл бұрын

I totally agree with you. I use to feel like a dog too. My day has to depend on my master mood. Sometimes i get a treat, other days i get cold shoulder.

@davidhinkson8856

Жыл бұрын

My mother in law used material things and toys for my daughter to try to get her unswerving loyalty and to try to undermine me, because I was going through some financial challenges and her narc daughter refused to work, but I saw through it and never asked her for anything. Now my daughter is a bit older maybe the largesse has ended, as well as the fact that the old viper can no longer bring in what she considers fancy things from overseas.

They would belittle your problems and shame you for being a crybaby over nothing. They would make it a competition and even exaggerate their and others' problems in that effort. Sharing anything good or bad with a narcissist is a bad idea.

@melisentiapheiffer3034

Жыл бұрын

Yep.

@klaudiat.1953

Жыл бұрын

Sad but true

It's really funny how when you equip yourself with knowledge and experience about a narcissist, you'll be numb and immune to the future ones. You can smell them from a mile away.

@redefinedliving5974

Жыл бұрын

Hahaha do not be fooled its fucking energetic

*"It's never enough for them."* Soooo *true!* Lived it for 20 years, but finally got out of that marriage safely. The last 10 years of the marriage were *very SCARY* but I did it! Married a second time, despite knowing that I shouldn't. Only on deep reflection on that second relationship do I now know that, although very different, he too was a narcissist. Typical question: *What is the matter with me that I paired up with a second, very different narcissist?!!?* Lasted 23 years, ending only by his death by cancer. In fact, the very day when I had planned to say "Enough is enough. I want you to move out of my house." was the day that he came home and told me that he had cancer. I stood there not knowing what to do. Could not abandon him in his hours of need. (The empath in me.) Eventually crossed the room and gave him a hug. And I did stay with him throughout this terrible disease. So no guilt. But *now* I am *free* to *enjoy,* to *savour all that is beautiful.* And *I DO!*

@RainbowCatButterflyTV

Жыл бұрын

Enjoy your life the way you want it ! You deserved it ! Xx

@merrynethery5853

Жыл бұрын

It has occurred to me that I have paired up with Narcissists because I was groomed to be what they need. I asked my therapist to help me change but I seem to be entrenched in being a person that attracts and is attracted to narcissists. 😢UGH!

@ethicscannie5716

Жыл бұрын

@merrynethery5853 Oh dear! You might have to address with your therapist just what need is being fulfilled for you by narcissists. Methinks that unless that is addressed, it is going to be very difficult for you to stop attracting narcissists. Take this with a grain of salt because I don't really know you or your situation. Like it could also be that there are faaaar more narcissists out there than non-narcissists. So you are more likely to encounter a narcissist, no matter what YOU do. In fact, depressing as it sounds, I think that that really might be the case. BUT KEEP GOING! There truly IS a pot of gold at the end of the elusive rainbow. Possibly the most difficult thing to do is to ACCEPT and LOVE YOURSELF. But to fo that, you must UNDERSTAND your SELF first.

Thank you for continuing the updates on the narcissistic behavior

@jeahluna2385

Жыл бұрын

It’s really should be continued since most people learn about it lately and it’s really new that some people are only discovering it nowadays

I was born exactly 1 week before my sisters 1st birthday, and for that she's hated me my whole life because of it. Growing up with her was torture in every way possible. My parents always used to tell me "One time, just hit her back 1 time and she'll leave you alone". I could never do it, I never had the heart to hurt her. And then I grow up and marry a narcassist. Go figure. I went from being one narcassists punching bag to another 👍

@letsgrowandprosper6562

8 ай бұрын

I know someone who is the unfortunate little sister to someone like this! And unfortunately, I am trying to untangle myself with this individual but she’s weaponizing other close relationships.

I just left the narcassist after 10 years.. thank you so much for making these videos 🥺💜✨️🙏🏼

@alexanderm7270

3 ай бұрын

Congratulations, I hope this last year has brought you peace!

I never knew this type of people existed until I became close to them. They are inconsiderate and disrespectful but thinks they are doing the right thing. They get mad when others don't act the way they like. They are reneger so you never know what to believe. They expect you to sacrifice your voice/needs to make them look good. They seem to set me up that at the end, I look like the bad person. And at the end, their selective memory confused me. They seem to enjoy seeing me suffer and fail. I used to blame myself for everything, but now I stop making excuses for them. Whatever they went through is never an reason to hurt others. Being mean and cruel is never acceptable. Please give up on them because the longer you hang around them, the more they put your light out and you absorb their chaos. I don't want to become like them. It's really a land of no hope. It looks good on the outside but it feels so bad you want to disappear. Trying to see the positive from what I went through...this experience brought me to a deeper understanding, acceptance and love to myself. I thank them for bringing me to Dr. Ramani's wisdom. Be strong and be true to your soul.

@flightydancer

Жыл бұрын

@jamilabashirnasambo I don't have a cell phone, can't text.

This is so true. I recently had to go to a funeral. I knew I would have to see a certain family member that has no empathy and is very condescending. She was a jerk at the funeral. She actually said, "Oh, he was old. It was time for him to go." I was shocked, thinking... this person who died is a beloved husband, father, and friend... no matter how old he was. She then continued her bad behavior and remarks, the whole time. But the next day, we were at my mom's house and she was being so kind and friendly. She was acting like she really cared about me. I kept wondering why. Especially how she was treating me and my family at the funeral, as well as always. Then it hit me! She was OLNLY trying to impress her new daughter-in-law!

@mac-ju5ot

Жыл бұрын

Sorry you went through this.Someone asked me if my dad left crsts as left overs they'd take them I broke out in tears.....no matter what I'd been through with my dad his extra activities are not free.....it's a good thing my pot smoking friend showed up....no one can u gear that

@daynapeterson9033

Жыл бұрын

The daughter-in-law will see it in due time, believe me.

@purvamandlik4696

Жыл бұрын

@@daynapeterson9033 oh yes. For years I thought I was marrying into a poor but thoughtful, loving, caring, giving family with an alcoholic father. Later, I found that the father was the only empathetic person among them.

@daynapeterson9033

Жыл бұрын

@@purvamandlik4696 oh wow. He probably drinks just to deal with the toxicity.

@bottleneck979

Жыл бұрын

My mother didnt even want to attend the funeral of our close aunt who provide shelter for us when we were homeless. I urge her to go as my aunt had committed suicide but she simply refuse. Before my aunt pass away she came to visit us once but my mom gave her a cold shoulder instead. How heartless!!! Now she is treating her children the same way, cursing me and my eldest sister who had disown us and left home a decade ago. To my mom, she no longer have any supply from us, so turn to fury and hatred towards us. I am still living with her but moving out next year. Its been a tortment for us.

"Get over it", "tough it up", "I don't think you really have pain" , but if they fake cry the world comes crashing down and we all have to stop our lives and attend to her

I've encountered a couple of people who seem to fit the narcissistic type, who respond to your tale of hardship by telling you that their life is so much harder to bear.

My Narc Ex used to attend funerals of relatives of his friends from work. I never understood why he went out of his way to go to funerals of people he didn't know. He would get up and speak at every one to get the ACCOLADES OF OTHERS! These were always their moms or dads. Strangely enough, he would disappear the minute we got to the funerals of his own relatives. I realized he had some sort of problem when his father died and I walked in unexpectedly and saw him crying. This was the first time I had ever seen hime cry and we'd been married well over 20 years! I went over and put my arms around him to console him, and he violently pushed me away and said he didn't want me to treat him like a baby! I recoiled in horror, and never did that again. He had 3 brothers die. When I rose to speak on behalf of the one he didn't like, because this brother was a drug addict, He left the sanctuary until I was finished! Another brother died, he was on the phone the same day he got the news trying to find out how to get a building they owned changed over to his name. He told me I had no rights to it for 20 years! I knew this was a lie but I just bided my time. Now that I'm in divorce proceedings, my lawyer tells me he sold the property 5 months ago for $226K and I am entitled to half! He doesn't know I know, but vengeance is mine says the Lord! Narc-man told me it was worth $60K!

@brsugr58

Жыл бұрын

@@NopeNotTodaySatan been on my own since April. Filed for divorce after 42 years in December. Love my new life. SO peaceful!

@wendysimpson6395

Жыл бұрын

Wishing you well.

@lorettanericcio-bohlman567

Жыл бұрын

Be safe 💞

Around about 28:30, Dr. Ramani, you're talking about entitlement. Something happened to me years ago (1987) which shocked me, but may not be how things happen today. I was "bumped" on a major airline. It seemed there was no recourse but to sleep on a chair all night in the airport. About 30 other people who were "bumped", angrily stormed the counter, and almost started a riot. I'd bought a first class ticket at full price, but in my youth, I didn't realize I should have stood up for myself, without causing violence. I decided to sleep in the chairs there. As I settled in, and the furor had quieted down - people moved on to make arrangements for themselves. A ticketing woman from TWA (at the time - don't know if that airline still exists) came over to me and asked to see my ticket. I showed her, and she said, "Why didn't you speak up - you paid full price and we wouldn't have bumped you." She made arrangements for me to have a very nice room at a nearby Hilton Hotel, with a complimentary dinner. I wonder if she was just an unusual and observant person, or if this could happen today.

How about being kind and thoughtful to your children for several days, then using them for social media fodder to make you look like a great parent when you're mostly absent. How about cutting your spouse off from the finances for 17 years to ensure that money is spent frugally so you can retire early. How about sitting on your phone while your spouse cries because she feels lonely. How about telling your spouse that life just isn't fair when she has been raising your children, taking care of you, your house and your yard and everything for you for almost 20 years and she says needs help. Oh yes. This all resonates so deeply. Thank you for confirming my situation. I'm in the process of leaving a covert narcissist with two children and it is literal hell. I wish my husband would be open to addressing how much he had hurt our family but unfortunately there's no way

I love the way your videos are consistently full of both information and support. I appreciate the calm and community you've created. Thank you so much for sharing you with all of us. 🌷

@margheritamcrae4803

Жыл бұрын

I said the same thing about her videos.. she has helped me a lot so far ♥️

lack of empathy seems like a missing piece, an absent or broken part of a person. some ppl can watch a puppy get kicked & feel nothing. my 2 narcs were like that. they just stared blankly at me until it was all about them again ~ then they came alive. i’m sure it’s visible in brain scans.

I have kept up with all your videos. You have seriously given me my life back & changed it forever. Going from not wanting to wake up anymore to thriving in my career, caring about my appearance again & being a better parent after watching your videos. I learned among a ton more ITS REALLY NOT MY FAULT!!! ❤❤❤ lifted that black cloud.

Every time I hear this, I get so happy im not married to my ex anymore. 🙌🏼

I (male, 21) have realised I'm a narcissist after a recent breakup. I've always been this way, when I was 17, I disappeared the night of my uncle's wedding for hours because I was craving the attention. Even though I realise my past mistakes, I will probably proceed to behave the same way in the future.

@oliviawells3764

Жыл бұрын

At least you’re aware of it frfr. If you have the tendencies now at 21, there’s room for growth!

@MM-hk7ym

Жыл бұрын

U can get help if u really care about the people around u... It takes great courage to think this way especially if ur a narc

Dr Ramani, you are looking absolutely beautiful. Your hair, your skin, you are looking so very beautiful. Thank you for the wonderful videos. I did not know about narcissism and am truly learning so much. I think that at the moment I'm just feeling such a deep sadness for these very selfish, shallow, empty people. Such a deep, deep sadness. Please know that you're videos are treasured by so many. Thank you for all that you are doing. The world needs leaders like you who educate the public and expose those with narcissism and the poor people undergoing narcissistic abuse. Thank you so very, very much. You are needed and deeply treasured.

It's sort of the other way around with my. As a survivor with no support for over a decade I simply have nothing more to give.

As a Christian life coach I need to teach online about narcissism. It is rampart..in the religious community

@blackquiver

Жыл бұрын

@@davidaccorsini8767 now that's interesting 🤔🤔🤔

@olive0eyes0

Жыл бұрын

Pastors

@AlexisDouFlo

Жыл бұрын

Oh, you'll be surprised when you find out christianity is basically founded on narcissism and on purpose.. I stopped identifying as Christian a long time ago because of this. It goes way further than we all can imagine.

@redefinedliving5974

Жыл бұрын

Very much needed advocacy please do this

@redefinedliving5974

Жыл бұрын

@@AlexisDouFlo So true. But the essence of Christianity is not to be mistaken ❤

Dr. Ramani I love how easy it is to understand you! You have really helped me get stronger and understand Narcissistic personalities. I love how down to earth you are and how you explain things!!

Mid 30s male here separated from wife who i think exhibits narcissistic traits. These videos are like an ice pack on an injury for the greif im going through after leaving.

Such good advice. Thank you for actual tools. I’m doing some. Realizing that I always spread myself too thin for others and depleting myself. So I’m putting all that great empathy and energy into myself and making an effort to shape my life into something I love. I still find enjoyment in sharing my gifts with others but now it’s more balanced now. ❤

I greatly enjoy watching and learning from your videos. I cannot thank you enough.

Sounds so familiar. Thank you Dr. Ramani. Since listening to during this pandemic period, your discussions have helped a lot in averting so much anxieties and wind up situations. I laugh instead and ignore saving me lots of time spent on useful things or even just time keeping still doing mindfulness.

You are such a gift, Dr. Ramani!

You are an angel that has helped so many people. Thank you! We´re forever grateful.

Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for empowering, supporting, and educating so many people and helping them find themselves again; mine is just one of many lives you have changed for the better. I watch all of your videos, and every time I learn something new and valuable. I admire and thank you from the bottom of my heart! Marina

@DoctorRamani

Жыл бұрын

You are very welcome! Thank you so much for sharing this with me. Messages like yours keep me going! And thank you for your generous support to my channel!

I love your ingenious (snippets) technique like scenes of a tv show, only better. Excellent take on defining external validation. Everything all begins and ends ‘out there.’ Admiration and validation dependent. Needs ‘out there’ to mold them into a sculpture. Great analogy, great forthrightness Dr. Ramani!

Such a great compilation of your awesome content. Thank you for this. As a substitute teacher, I encounter parents who seem to have many narcissistic tendencies and this is very helpful to understand their statements and behaviors. You have also helped me navigate current and prior in-law relationships (married 2X) which have proved to be troublesome to me. Your professional information has helped me to understand what I have dealt with in the past and what is in my current life. Thank you, Dr. Ramani.

I had several yrs of counseling, GREAT MAN, he would explain exactly what you explain to us all. So much has happened since I saw him, but like a tornado, between Counselor & you, it all makes sense. THANK YOU

Brilliant presentation Dr Ramani thank you for sharing your podcast with us with clarity.

Sounds like so much like my family! My mother has never had empathy for me or anyone else! I can tell she acts like she has empathy but it comes across fake! I find these videos helpful because it made me realize that my mother is a narcissistic and how to navigate around her or at least understand narcissism better! Thank you Dr. Ramani

Yet again Dr. Ramani, you have so succinctly explained the "narcissist" character/behavior. I am free from the gaslighting of these hurtful/hateful people. Once you see it you can deal with it the right way.

narcissist =anyone that moves from one person to the other to get what they want *all you need to know for the test*

This is fantastic and wildly interesting. Thank you as always Dr. Ramani!

A great refresher. I’m planning on starting my own KZread channel to talk about narcissism. I’ll talk specifically about my personal situation. I’ll probably have stock images with voiceovers and do the voiceovers myself. Not exactly sure when I’ll start, but I’ve been writing down video ideas.

Great as always, thanks a million. I'd just like to suggest studying the survivors and how 'strong' they are for handling so much without losing their good nature, values, and ethics. I mean, the narcissist 'won' so much, like some sort of a role model, while the abused, who endured so much, is tagged as 'the remains of a weak person'. I can't help but feel the narcissists taking full stage when it's not really about them. Hope you can instill confidence and courage in the abused people for their softness is the core of their power, they can endure, adapt, and change themselves, unlike the hard narcissists who just shatter into pieces hurting everyone in the process.

I love love love your videos. ❤❤❤

You are stunning and all of your videos have made me into a stronger person Thank you Dr. Ramani

Your thoughts are jewelry. But your way of explaining, your voice are heaven. You give people relief. Thanks Dr Ramani. You helped me while in crisis and each time I miss your thoughts and voice

I am an MD and recognize that you are also saving lives! 🎉

I worked at a middle school and they had a poster that said "Character is what you do when no one is looking".

Thank you Dr. Ramani for the service you provide by these videos. We have long been aware of the societal harms of the “sociopath.” But what about the everyday narcissist? Their actions have a corrosive effect, not only on personal relationships, but also in the work place, in politics, in world leadership , and on civilization. We need to better spot these traits so we can neutralize their deleterious effects.

@MarieAntoinette1938_tmc

Жыл бұрын

she's explained about them so much look for all her videos she's got info on that too

How come there is such a uniform expression of vulnerable narcissism? It’s utterly extraordinary how each of your videos and descriptions accurately reflect the narcissist in my life… a relationship which I entered into with my eyes wide open, thanks to you. What’s so extraordinary is only now am I recognising a 35 year marriage for what it was… and how I am a magnet for narcissists.

Thank you so much! I just finished my MA concentrating on empathy! Really reveling when in comes to interactions.

This is so helpful and so many women are putting the prices back together and not allowing that narcissist to destroy it again. Now that we know they are doing this on purpose. That it's not an accident. And they are not sorry. And communities are not throwing the victim under the bus. Our communities are becoming healthier. Narcissists want to groom you to believe bad behavior needs an excuse 100% of the time. Never forgive the narcissist for being a narcissist they do not care or want to change they want excuses and to feel comfortable breaking all your things..forgive yourself for believing their lies and hoping they will change when they have never wanted to change.

32:00 so true on being molded by others like clay. Drug use, sex addiction, I’m so clear of the reoccurring pattern in my life. Now that he’s gone, I’m 62 days out. He’s acting like asters pet horse these days, I’ll wait, the pattern will reappear, it all falls apart in time,I’ve seen this before. I’m grateful to really be done, these programs have been my 90 days,90 meetings? Like addiction I’m free for good. Thank you Dr.R. You are right he thought he was going to continue with his new boy toy and live in this marriage. Wrong. I found him out, I pulled the plug first, done. The narc was very 😡😢 trauma based therapy for me PTSD yrs of this abuse I began my therapy 2 months before my discard. Really helped. I had the pain, but found help in therapy.

Dear Dr. Ramani: I’ve been on an incredible healing journey since starting to watch (and really listen) to your videos as well as Dr. Les Carter’s. I knew my mother had a lot of issues but never knew what to call it. Now I know. She’s a narc…but so am I. I was well trained in the deceitful arts of narcissism from birth. Long story short, I at least know I was not at her level (thank God for that) but had a LOT of work to do in my life. I just never had the tools given to me in therapy until your videos. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for caring so much about this community of narcs and people raised by narcs etc. For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m growing, healing, feeling less physical pain, sleeping better and seeing others and myself in a new light. There’s not enough room here to write all the good that has come out of your videos. THANK YOU again and keep up the great work. ❤️

Thank you Dr Ramani. I sure hope you have outlets in your life to escape from your studies and mission of helping others. This subject is so intense. Best wishes ❤

@patriciaolinde8901

Жыл бұрын

We were both premed students in the last year of college. As a newer student at the university I was regarded as very pretty but kind of shy, lonely and bookish. As a girl with no brothers from an all girls high school I had had limited dating experience. A certain student made it his mission to love bomb me with jokes, humor and charm. He wasn't good looking but very charismatic. In time, less than a year, we were engaged and married. I almost broke things off a couple of times because of his possessiveness and the paranoid qualities that he and his family displayed. Each time he apologized and sucked me back into the snare (His sister complained about everything in the wedding even the colors of things.I was so tired I told them to pick the colors colors and let me know.) I married with trepidation, hoping everything would be alright because love would triumph in the end. He didn't get accepted to med school on the first 2 tries so he entered grad school there instead. We had a child in a little less than a year but he came home complaining of running into the students he knew who had gotten in med school and how uncomfortable and sad it was for him. So ,of course I ,trying to help and feeling sorry him, volunteered I to go to work and put the baby in my grandmother's care. Little did I realize what I'd actually done. Year no.1 of med school __ We are living lean, off student loans and I'm working full time at a lab at the medical school trying to learn things on the job all day and taking care of a baby afterwards, sometimes even at night. And all household duties as well. Then 2 technician friends come in and tell me he's backstabbing me to them. He now has a real temper with cursing if I forget something. He is really changing !!! Year no.2 of med school___ Since he made it through yr.1 he knows he's practically home safe and he'll graduate and become an MD. The verbal abuse and now emotional and physical abuse have started. He tells me to lie to the senior ER doc about my hand injury but the doc doesn't believe me and flashes a look of disgust at him. I'm starting to get scared but I have a child and didn't complete my degree to help him. But I realize he won't jeopardize his career anymore so at least I'm safe for a few more years. One day ,hoping in vain, he still had a little bit of love left for me , l asked for a few minutes of his time after dinner for us to just be able to talk together. He looked at me straight in the eyes and said very calmly and coldly "what do I have to talk to you about X, you don't know anything ! I was stunned ,but said nothing and left. That was the day I decided to take my life back and plan my escape. I knew He was biding his time with lies and the other women swarming about ,one of which was a nurse who showed up at the dilevery room for our second child.The doctors never clearly understood why I suddenly went into a seizure. YEAR ___3 & 4 of med school Everything is worse. He's still working at a medical lab at the job I found for him in Year2. It's dream,very part time, job paying him more than I had made full- time at the medical school. Internship and Residency worse than medical school. He's becoming unleashed from constraints.He had no time fo me or the now 3 children except for an occasional dinner. His whereabouts and hours are mysterious and there was a lot of gaslighting and baiting like when I asked once why wasn't at the hospital taking care of a sick child like he had said. By now I had started my plans for my departure with my children. I enrolled back at the university part time and changed my major to psychology instead of taking the final few courses in a pre med degree since I realized that was futile.He was furious, especially with that new major. He asked me if I would ever be able to hang out my shingle.l replied yes, perhaps someday, if I can complete a PhD program. I made a big mistake telling him that because he wanted me to be dependent forever and ruined when he chose to leave. I did very well in psychology and then went on to graduate school. He made things as hard fo me as possible by baiting me and starting big arguments before every important exam but I persevered with tears. Private practice. _________He put me through a separation then begged to come back soon after starting private practice.The senior partners weren't impressed by him pulling out on his wife and kids shortly before Christmas to be with his latest young cuttiepie.I realized he had all the assets financially and I still was not in a good financial position to support the kids and I reluctantly accepted him back. The bimbo stayed on at the lab and their affair continued for almost 2 years so l left home with the kids and rented an apartment, hoping some how I could make it on my own without a doctorate.I had been humilated in public by him and his lady friends enough. His treatment of me was now verbal, emotional and physical again found I would have to take several more courses in the day time to be certified by the state as a Psych Associate. let him come back vainly

Thank you Dr. Ramani Im so unstable right now, emotionally due to a breakup, I walked away , finally realized after many years it was so necessary, but I feel sad and hollow without direction. I listen to you all the time and you describe my ex partner so well. I always thought love was enough. It’s not.

I've been binge watching to... listening...learning stunned that with accuracy that has not stopped being consistently addressing with understanding and directions and why's and how comes....and if your like me all you have to do is ..not what I have for 30+ years... Calling mom on her outright outrageous blatant disregard for the law.. i mean lies...reality.

AgainDrRamani, your video content is very helpful to me. I learn so much from you. Thank you.

I have so many comments i don't even know where to start but I will start by saying Dr. Ramani; you're either reading my text messages or my life is getting more typical by the moment. Thank you, as always. More come.

Yes- the air that they breath! Admiration n validation!! Exhausting!!!

Thank you for all your empowering post. Your are such a true rock star! It’s crazy how a lot of us can be so happy go lucky, enjoying life and all of its challenges that we manage to always push through and eventually overcome, until we cross paths with a real Narcissist. I could only wish I knew then what I know today. Thank you for opening my eyes wider. Now when I talk to my young adult daughters about the world around them, I use references from the story of Little Red Riding Hood as it correlates with them to be more aware of various personalities surrounding them in this world.

@daynapeterson9033

Жыл бұрын

Yes! Predators are everywhere. Watch for the red flags.

@benjaminross9373

Жыл бұрын

@@daynapeterson9033 sag, Rotkäppchen, warum hast Du so einen Kleiderschrank? "damit ich mich besser kleiden kann". Warum hast Du einen großes Schminkschränkchen? "damit ich mich besser verkaufen kann". Und warum hast Du so ein größes Bäuchelein? "damit der andere Typ mir zukünftig einen Haufen Unterhalt zahlen kann." simma quitt, wir wissen, welche "Narzissten" es als Erstes am schlilmmsten mit "farblich passend" hatten, damals, aber das ist wohl schon lange her?! Molly Fleet hats Eublödserin wohl wirklich geholfen, um Selbstvertrauen zu gewinnen gegen Ihre Schwester. Rumgezicke halt, und dann spinnt noch das Dorf. ja, wo ist der Relativierungsmaßstab, solange nicht wirklich was geschehen ist, kein Plan, wie soll man sich in Andere reindenken, die bei jeder Gelegenheit alles verdrehen, wie meine Mama so ziemlich?!

As always, this was veery informative, I recognized myself and I learned more about recovering from my almost life-long narcissistic abuse. (I'm 71 and I've finally learned, in the last few years, to strictly limit my relationships with narcissistic people.) I do not believe, however, my narcissistic mother, my narcissistic sister, my narcissistic ex-husband, my narcissistic ex-fiance, etc. experience insecurity the way I understand it, which in the past has been deeply doubting myself and self-worth. I think they are insecure in a limited way, the way kings in the middle ages, were insecure, i.e. the tiniest incursion into their power was unacceptable because they had special God-given power. They still believe they are better than anyone else.

with all the problems in this world, uh, i have learned to be silent. speaking up is complaining and narcissistic behavior. so, i'll be a slave without the wage. love this channel

This is so healing. Thank you. Just when i begin to doubt myself, theres a video which puts everything back into place. Edit: it just clicked for me again. There's such a difference in the communication of feelings. Maybe I'm wrong, but there can be such a difference between phrasing like "I feel let down that this has happened again", and the good old "I feel like you're doing this to me on purpose!". Not real examples, but it gets the flavor right. She keeps telling me I'm rejecting her feelings, which hurts both of us, but I'm so clear in that I'm rejecting false accusations, blaming, shaming, etc. I move out in 6 weeks.

Awesome video! Appreciate you very much Dr. Romney

Wow, I just had a memory pop: 20 years ago now, I once had a friend tell me “Pay careful attention to what you are rolling your eyes at.” It was a deep utterance way back then, when she had experienced divorce. This brings that utterance to a whole deeper level now . . . 🧐

I love your videos. Thank God for you and your messages. Btw, you look so lovely here and especially adore that bright red shade on you! xo

When you say : “When you care.” I believe there’s an orb. Not sure how you feel about that subject, but cool. Anyway, thank you Dr. You always nail it. Life has been so hard with the narc. I don’t know how to get out. You’ve helped me so much by way of knowledge. I appreciate you so much!

THank you for all you do, Dr Ramani...Also, if there are survivors watching and see this heads up. If you are currently stuck living in your abuser(s) house and want to leave more than anything, but can't afford to or physically unable to, or any other reasons at 23:30ish be careful. There is a quick comment that could be painful and triggering so might want to skip ahead few seconds. Also, right after that there is an uncomfortable scene/comment that can be triggering for different reasons I can't find the words for currently. I'm afraid I'm going to freaking die here despite doing everything in my power to get out and that little whole section was jarring. I know that's a personal reaction, but I was hoping to save this video and now I just wish when they release a stitched together video if maybe you can please link the videos that were in the description to maybe help those who do get triggered at certain sections still be able to find the more helpful to the survivors or currently doing their best to survive. Please, if possible, but I get it if not.

Youre so beautiful and intelligent (-: I send everyone i know stuck in a narcissistic tussle your videos to overcome it

HEY DOC. I OWE YOU MY LIFE. AND ALSO 3 OUT OF MY 5 CHILDREN ARE WHITH ME. THANK YOU. THANKS GOD FOR LETTING ME KNOW YOU. THE ALL WORLD NEED YOU!!!!!!

@RACHELI-NATURAL-BEAUTY

Жыл бұрын

@Drramani699 MY ENGLISH IS NOT THAT GOOD. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO WRITE ABOUT EXACTLY? MY DEAR

@RACHELI-NATURAL-BEAUTY

Жыл бұрын

@Drramani699 I WAS MARRIED FOR 23 YEARS. 5 CHILDREN. I AM AN ULTRA ORTODOX JEWISH WOMAN. DOC. YOU SAVED MY LIFE. MY EX WAS VIOLENT NARCISIST. I WAS NEARLY MENTALY DEAD. I STAYED IN THE MARRIAGE BECAUSE WHILE I SUFFERED, I DIDN'T NOTICE INOUGH ABOUT THE CHILDREN'S DAMAGE. 10 YEARS PASSED SINCE I WAS PRAGNANT LAST TIME, MY HOUSBAND SLEPT WITH ME AND USED MY BODY ALTOUGH I ASKED HIM NOT TO. SINCE THAT TIME WE LEAVED AT SAME HOME BUT LIKE SINGLE PEOPLE. TWO YEARS AGO I DISCOVERED YOUR CHANNEL. THANKS GOD. YOU OPENED MY EYES. YOU TOUGHT ME THAT DONT HAVE TO BLAME MYSELF FOR ALL PROBLEMS AT HOME. THAN A HALF YEAR AGO I HEARD YOUR LECTURE ABOUT THE WAYS THE NARCISISTS RAISE UP THEIR CHILDREN TO HATE THEMSELF AND TO BE NARCISISTS BY THEMSELVES. ON THAT DAY EXACTLY, I DECIDED TO DIVORCE HIM. THE BEST DECISION I DID EVER. THANKS TO YOU. THE COURT IN MY LAND HATE ME AND MAKES ME LOTS OF PROBLEMS, BUT I CAN SAY NOW THAT I TRIED MY BEST. I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER, DOC. I OWE YOU , DOC. RACHEL YUNG

@mariposa610

Жыл бұрын

Please dont respond to that text number. It is a scam. Not Dr Ramani.

When talking about empathy, I believe that compassion is the true fuel of it, but at the root, it's sparked by imagination. It requires a vivid, wide ranging mind to accurately step into the shoes of someone who is very different from us. I try to emphasize this because narcissists have no problem being edgy or apathetic or aloof. They don't mind letting go of compassion when it looks cool. But one thing none of them want to be is boring, and people who lack imagination are exactly that. Perhaps a little pressure on their ability to mentally conjure will be just what they need to crack the cold shell that is surrounding their empathy.

They can't fake interest and they react with hostility at having to experience your words floating around in the air. They'll turn on the TV, music, etc. to drown you out.

Thank you Dr Ramani. After watching your videos, i finally understand why im always angry and upset over my mothers behaviour. I'm putting everything down into words and starting a journal to witness my healing process. Im also planning an escape route when my new apartment is ready next year. I am grateful these experience has made me a stronger person. The next thing is i need to love myself more without ever becoming narcissistic like my mother.

@bottleneck979

Жыл бұрын

I have a difficult relationship with my mother. It not only affect my love relationship, also with my siblings, the golden child of my mom. I am the breadwinner and provide a home for her. Before dad pass away he had extorted $$ from my sister. This evening i learnt that mom is secretly paying the debt on behalf of "me". Mom thinks that dad could have got the $$ fr me instead of her. This really hurts me. She wanted to pay her back but the guilt has to come from me who have nothing to do with me. I have long seen through my mom schemes. Now im clearer and more determine to victimise myself like before. Im not gg to pay her a single cent back. The $$ was suppose to cut off ties with dad. I loved my dad very much. Not gg to pay them back.

@daynapeterson9033

Жыл бұрын

I walked away from my narc mom 10 months ago. Been in therapy which really helps. My mom is 88 and I knew I'd have guilt from walking away. Write a journal of all the incidents. When you start to miss her, read that journal.

@fighttheevilrobots3417

Жыл бұрын

​@@daynapeterson9033 how do you cope with the guilt?

Jeez, when you mentioned about a child always having to validate their parents whether it be their looks or their cooking, it jump started this memory about how as kids, we (my sisters and myself) were taught to say a specific thing after dinner. Something in the line of "thank you very much for the lovely food, it tasted really great" and we weren't allowed to leave the dinner table if we hadn't said that. We also were not allowed to leave the table if there was still food in our plates, because it was ungrateful and disrespectful to not finish our food.

Grandiose with more flash!!! But for the covert … quieter but still with the same sense of urgency!!!

Still in recovery from the stories told in the love bomb phase - it still isn’t making any sense to me that someone i shared the deepest intimacy with in my life could just shut it off , devalue me for no reason over and over and just turn into this tense sullen critical rigid person who systematically shut down every avenue for intimacy as i watched helplessly trying to reason , adapt, be kind, fawn, be of service , and just save the power couple story we had written together . I don’t understand to this day how the love bomb was fake - it’s upsetting and unsettling and im hoping i Figure out how to balance my real feelings with what’s we just happened to me

Hi Dr Ramani thanks for sharing all the advise on Narsistic behaviour and how to react to it

Dr Ramini, you look fantastic in navy blue! Just saying...also very helpful content

I've become selfish but in a positive way. I don't hang out with narcs and don't want anything to do with narcs

Dr Ramani you look stunning today❤ I just had to say that. Now back to the video🙂

Thank you for this video Doc.

The entitlement factor is difficult to parse out, because a lot of reality is met with anyone who is asking for what's fair will never get it while anyone who asks for these entitled things, politely but persistently will get them. I do not feel entitled to a six-figure salary but I know that so many people higher ranking than I am barely deserve that or much more than that. Yet, what they have is over $200k while they brag about being so humble as to have taken a $35k deduction for this project. Only with a self-entitled attitude can I demand something as simple and less than fair as $65k salaried with a four-year science degree.

The day I ripped my hamstring and asked my spouse to rent me some crutches: the look of disdain and cruelty was unbelievable. I thought, what did I do wrong? 🙄

@jessicaabbott10

Жыл бұрын

WOW!!

W/o realizing the whirlwind I got caught up in....I thot I was losing my mind....the word that ultimately came to mind for these two people, who w/o knowledge of the web I was getting into.... that I allowed into my life....the word was 'megalomania'. What an eye opener! Your videos are so informative and I can only say it all didn't come from books. I'm guessing you found yourself in very deep waters!!!!! Thank you for all you share.....

@pjcardone164

Жыл бұрын

Don't understand your correspondance by number!......

You look good dr. Ramani. I feel your energy. Thank you.

Thank You Dr Ramani 😘

My husband doesn't have any grandiose behaviour about what we have or what he has done but about how smart he is. How intuned he is to politics. How much he knows about many subjects. Yes he is very smart but he seems to always have to prove how smart he is.

Thank you Dr Ramani 🙏

It took me 10 years to realise someone i had been very close to was a narcissist. This person seemed to collect many friends, and then bridge after bridge would be burned and it was always the others' fault, never her's. I was expected to change my opinion of others at her whim, and i made many mental notes of her misremembering (perhaps intentionally) small and big facts about this person or that event etc. And then i made the mistake of having the wrong opinion in her eyes and it began 2 years of quiet. Funny enough, i dont even share that same opinion with my old self, but a real friend would not let a friendship die based on something so external and far removed from our relationship. When we reconnected, i still hadnt realised what this person was. It wasnt until we had a very passionate debate in messenger about 18 months ago (which i greatly enjoyed because they were defending something indefensible aka extreme immoral behaviour) and i was subjected to the most amazing gaslighting, intentional misinterpreting of my words, and strawman bullshit. It was honestly hilarious because i had already shed my ignorance and i knew i was talking to someone who is critically misguided. Then, a few months later, i watched a narcissist video elsewhere and i was mind-blown: oh my god, she is a narcissist. A very pathological (albeit entertaining and engaging) narc! Phew. Its fascinating. Glad ive found your channel :) you are consolidating so much of my research and really helped me to reflect on MYSELF and where i might have some shadow work to do. The last thing i want to be is anything close to narcissistic. From one empath to another, bless you and your efforts in this world

Thank you for your good work.

Thank you once again, Dr. Ramani! Great education, as always 🙏 Dr. Ramani, can you please dedicate a video to the new practice of "restorative justice" in the field of domestic violence? I've worked with survivors of domestic violence/narcissistic abuse and know this practice can be extremely dangerous for survivors...would love your expert opinion on this, thanks in advance 🙏

I wish Dr. Ramani was my therapist man

Egocentricity was my father all his life. I was the only one that called him out. Him and I never got along. I don't care. I showed him in the long run

I know I can fall down the self-centered rabbit hole. It's one of my flaws, and I'm aware. The good thing is I do care about others, and all they need to do is poke me and say hey, snap out of it, I need you right now. If I really do care about them I'm instantly all theirs. It's actually good to be a little selfish at least now and then to make sure your needs are met and you're okay. You can't pour from an empty cup. Though it was my narc ex who was often accusing me of being selfish and holding him back. Everything that hampered his success was my fault.

Thank you Dr Ramini🇱🇧🇱🇧

I can say this endeavor of binge watching has been binge learning and binge self discovery binge cringing.... And more about me no matter what...truth hurts and really good too if you let it...yes I'm selfish...and I'm stay that way... I'm not giving anything without knowing....or taking anything when I do know... I could never have known at any other time in life ...what I know now.

@DoctorRamani, you have become my Netflix,,, it might sound funny, but it’s very serious here. I’m also sleeping every night with that video of the Guided Meditation. It helps a great deal. My dream and real urgent need now is to have a session with you, no matter how much it cost. I’m in Canada.