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I found this really cool book where this woman Bronnie Ware recounted some pretty amazing conversations and insights with elderly patients she was taking care of.
She discovered the 5 regrets of the dying.
Its hard to hear from the people who are about to pass, these are the most sensitive times for them, especially to ask about regrets. but it can provide us to much value and insight as we approach the rest of our lives.
Personally, I’ve struggled with a language barrier with my grandparents and most of the elder members of my extended family which has kept a lot of their wisdom and lessons from me.
I am gonna go over the 5 regrets of the dying and then speak on the last one which really struck a chord with me.
If you enjoy these types of serious life advice videos and also topics on self-improvement and self-mastery, go down and hit the subscribe button. Let’s get into the regrets.
The first regret is "I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
Bronnie had a patient named Grace who said that she regretting not living a live true to herself.
She said “Why didn’t I just do what I wanted? Why did I let him rule me? Why wasn’t I strong enough?”
She was talking about her husband’s dominance in their marriage. But for most of us, this can translate to our parents and societal expectations for what we need to be.
I recently graduated college and decided not to get a job and to instead pursuing making these videos, and I have Indian parents who really wanted me to get a job. This has created some tension in my house, and my natural inclination is to listen to my parents, to conform to their expectations, but I know in my intuition that I will regret going down that path.
The second regret of the dying was “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard”
The patient John said that there was nothing wrong with loving your work..but there is so much more to life. He wishes that he had more balance in his life.
These days, the media and society praises those that sacrifice everything for their goals. To build a big business, to get as rich as possible, to beat everyone around you. But the reality, is that those big results demand big sacrifices.
For so long, I always envisioned myself being incredibly rich, hundreds of millions of dollars. But only recently, I’ve wondered what that would cost me. Would I neglect my future kids, wife, friends. Is there really any point to making more than 100k a year if it sacrifices the rest of my life?
Its a hard question, but I think its really important for all of us to keep it in mind to make the decisions that we won’t regret.
The third regret of the dying was “I wish I had the courage to express my feelings”
The patient Jozsef regretted that he never truly expressed himself. His family had never truly known him. There was a lot of pain of unspoken feelings and barriers in his relationships.
When I remember my high school experience. I remember a lack of expression about myself. At the time, I was obese, I weighed over 260 pounds, and I never told my friends how anxious and insecure it made me feel. It was only after 3 years of anxiety cycles where I would binge eat and keep coping that I finally told one of my friends how much it raked my brain. His support and reaction really struck a chord with me, and I felt authentic and heard for the first time in many years. it was that moment that caused me to actually take action and lose the weight.
The 4th regret was “I wish I’d Stayed in Touch with my friends”
The patient Harry described how he regretted not prioritizing relationships outside of his immediate family and work.
He said that in challenging times, friends can be great to lean on.
This resonated with me a lot. My parents are pretty traditional Indians who grew up in India making it hard for them to relate or support my experience growing up in America.
I found solace in amazing friends the last decade of my life. Without meeting the group I had in high school, I would’ve stayed addicted to video games and much more introverted. Without the friends I made in college, I would’ve gone crazy, I’ll just leave it at that.
The final regret of the dying which struck the biggest chord for me and is partly the mission of my channel is “I wish I had let myself be happier”
The patient Rosemary admitted she never let herself be happy
She said
“It is easy to think that happiness depends on something falling into place, when it is the other way around. Things fall into place when happiness is already found.”
This really resonated with me as I’ve subscribed for so long to the point that once I make it, I will be happy. Once I lose fat I will be happy, once I get rich, I will be happy, once I get my dream girl, I will be happy.