The only reason you can tell this isnt real is because there isn't a 30 minute delay between the reporters

@T33K3SS3LCH3N

5 жыл бұрын

Imagine running a multimillion dollar media enterprise and have worse video communication than WhatsApp.

@goyonman9655

5 жыл бұрын

True

@h.plovecat4307

5 жыл бұрын

Mars has a better connection.

@chaseholstein7083

5 жыл бұрын

You can also tell because it's called the onion news network.

@Husqy

5 жыл бұрын

@@chaseholstein7083 wow it's not like there was a joke

When they mentioned that his testimony solidified the decision, I couldn't stop laughing after that point. Great delivery too

@StamfordBridge

5 жыл бұрын

And the artist’s rendition of the justices. 😂

@Arielcorn

5 жыл бұрын

That rendition was great. The testimony part kind of bothered me, since appellate courts of course don't hear live testimony at all, and Supreme Court oral arguments don't last three hours. But in a way, it's kind of funnier this way, since it makes it seem like, in spite of the normal appellate procedure, he STILL came in to the Supreme Court just so he could ramble for three hours.

@AverageAlien

5 жыл бұрын

666 likes

@UnitedStatesExplained

4 ай бұрын

@@Arielcorn i think maybe a few have gone that long. but its rare for them to even last much more than 2 hours. i was also a little annoyed that people think testimony is given in scotus, i dont think that happens even in cases where they have original jurisdiction (correct me if im wrong)

"Legalize murder and beat him to death with our gavels" has to be my favorite phrase ever spoken on youtube

@vyl4650

3 жыл бұрын

For me the "...right now" does it

@ti2218

3 жыл бұрын

LMAO literally the delivery was soo good

@CatDrinkingPoison

3 жыл бұрын

Ha ha, yeah

@haydengodfrey8346

3 жыл бұрын

"That's wicked."-Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

@clickthecreeper9463

3 жыл бұрын

the best part is how she treats it as a perfectly valid solution, saying "totally understandable, and then they went with that first option"

_This comment will appear here after approval from an independent arbiter_

@PrinceJes

5 жыл бұрын

How long does it take

@NickC_222

5 жыл бұрын

The independent arbiter decided against allowing the comment to appear here.

@johnhayesii6976

5 жыл бұрын

Classy.

@SaskatchewanICE

5 жыл бұрын

The only way this comment could’ve been more perfect would be if your username was Tom Becker

@euphoricatheist6694

5 жыл бұрын

On KZread they just automatically ghost your comment via an algorithm for detecting 'hate speech'

I love Brooke's passive aggressiveness towards other women lmao

@timopper5488

3 жыл бұрын

Brooke knows that she’s the queen bitch at The Onion, no questions asked. Except for Tracy Gill. The only way to know who is better would be a Jell-O pudding wrestling competition.

@GetUpFalcon

3 жыл бұрын

That part went over my head. Thanks for clarifying!

@wintermiller4845

3 жыл бұрын

Definitely read that as flirting, but maybe I'm just too gay

@kylewindsor199

3 жыл бұрын

@@wintermiller4845 haha, she does it in a couple other videos I think and it's a little clearer. She's really catty with women.

@wintermiller4845

3 жыл бұрын

@@kylewindsor199 Ah, catty woman

Wish they tried to interview him later and he just stands there with a look on his face of anguish because he wants to comment but knows he legally can't.

@dolphinsays

3 жыл бұрын

Or let him speak and some cops tackle him

This is a totally unjustified attack on our... wait a second, he's that guy with the water heater story? Oh yeah shut him whatever the cost.

@TCt83067695

4 жыл бұрын

Water heater story?

@timopper5488

3 жыл бұрын

@@TCt83067695 Like the awful washing machine story, only involving a water heater mistakenly imported from France. What a nightmare for Mr. Becker, and for anyone else who hears the story from him.

@TCt83067695

3 жыл бұрын

@@timopper5488 but I want to hear his story. Is there a video title?

@navadax4541

3 жыл бұрын

@@TCt83067695 It's not an actual video it's just a joke

@TCt83067695

3 жыл бұрын

@@navadax4541 thanks for the clarification 👍🏾

Finally! I was born here in Phoenix but my family and I fled the city shortly after our first encounter with Mr. Becker wherein he told us a three hour long story about how the seafood in a restaurant we were at could never compare to some he got down the road at his buddy Bill’s house. I was very young then and came back out here for university since I had forgotten the experience when I ran into Mr. Becker once again. I’ve been running into him regularly at the local supermarket and he keeps telling me lengthy stories about a jackalope he could have sworn he saw in the Superstition Mountains but turned to be a house cat wearing a Christmas hat or how he went to the hospital to have a doctor pop a blister on his foot last week. I am so happy to hear about the court’s decision. Never again will I have to endure the dronings of Mr. Becker!

@elainebmack

5 жыл бұрын

You didn't mention Mr. Becker's rant about the slice of Tofurkey an undercover vegetarian slipped into his LL Bean lunchbox...

@bunberrier

5 жыл бұрын

Or the one about how he should have never sold his first car.

@bunberrier

5 жыл бұрын

@cameron ward The joke is on you.

@bunberrier

5 жыл бұрын

@cameron ward Yes. The poster you claim is not good at humor is making a pretty good joke.

@jeremykates7276

5 жыл бұрын

Your story about mr Becker sounds exactly like a story that he would tell

Before socrates was sentenced to death by poisoning, he was allowed to make a speech before the council to offer a defense for his accused crimes. After his hours long testimony, he persuaded more people to vote for his death

@nicholasm7822

Жыл бұрын

No, it was after the verdict of guilty was reached he was allowed to address the jurors regarding what the penalty should be. He said he should be given free meals everyday like Olympic victors are, and in response more jurors voted for death than had earlier voted guilty.

@rphb5870

Жыл бұрын

people like him didn't exist in their time, as they were all clubbed to death before reaching adolthood

This aged like a fine wine...

@iamfrank5171

5 жыл бұрын

It's amazing how prophetic so many of The Onion pieces are.

@1.2.3.4..5

5 жыл бұрын

I Am Frank how is this prophetic

@iamfrank5171

5 жыл бұрын

@@1.2.3.4..5 "His continued right to free speech was causing them emotional distress." This is actually a thing now on many college campuses across the world (especially the U.S.), and represents a general zeitgeist across social media and political discourse.

@zissler1

5 жыл бұрын

Exactly

@ursaminor9780

5 жыл бұрын

Stale Bagelz True, but when a guy teaching a pug the Nazi salute to make it less cute (an action rooted in the idea that Nazis are repugnant) is found "grossly offensive," and he's found guilty in a court of law, it makes the people claiming to fight Nazis a little harder to take seriously. I'm not saying conservatives don't pose a threat to a free press and speech. I'm just saying liberals have some weeding out to do as well.

The Onion was... way ahead of its time.

@milascave2

5 жыл бұрын

@Hugh Jarse No it has not! This is actually the first historical example of this particular kind of satire. This kind of joke is now known as a "Becker" because it originated with this skit.

@ElectronerpProductions

5 жыл бұрын

Was? The Onion's still around! It hasn't gone anywhere, lmao

@braziboi3103

5 жыл бұрын

Back in time was ahead of time

@JBGargamel

5 жыл бұрын

They changed their name to CNN.

@skeeter0194

5 жыл бұрын

Check out brass eye from the UK from the 90s.

I love the picture from the court where everyone is facepalming and he keeps rambling on

@timopper5488

3 жыл бұрын

Face down on the desk, exasperated looks at the ceiling.

I wish I could have gotten a Supreme Court ruling against the guy sitting next to me when I was flying to Memphis last year.

@aa898246

5 жыл бұрын

memphis my ballsack

@jeremykates7276

5 жыл бұрын

aa898246 you too

Look, if the founding fathers knew just how goddamn awful Tom Becker was, they would be all for this decision.

@kennymos9007

3 жыл бұрын

Haha

@Nanofuture87

2 жыл бұрын

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech except for that of Tom Becker, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

I wish this rule would apply to everyone who uses Twitter

@aceman0000099

3 жыл бұрын

Just don't use it yourself??

@Myne1001

3 жыл бұрын

@@aceman0000099 yeah but what about when they are on other websites? Or out in the real world? They still act stupid.

"Uh... Thank you Brooke." Brilliant delivery.

@Large_Gigungus

5 жыл бұрын

low key funniest part by far

@robertbogan225

4 жыл бұрын

She started blinking really fast too lol

@kalebsantos72

4 жыл бұрын

I don’t get it?

@Rashkbb

4 жыл бұрын

@@kalebsantos72 She's fucking with the reporter by randomly encouraging her out of nowhere.

"uh, thank you brooke.."

@Tadesan

6 жыл бұрын

A cat with bread on its head yeah, what was that about?

@christianrogers9439

4 жыл бұрын

69 likes lol

@titsarmageddon

4 жыл бұрын

I think they were lesbaining

@mick7909

3 жыл бұрын

These little quick digs are part of what makes things so good. don't know if anyone remembers that three-way cat flight between the free news anchors about wearing white kzread.info/dash/bejne/lXqk3M2RiKvegtY.html

@pathetic2399

3 жыл бұрын

@@titsarmageddon They weren’t. Brooke was intimidating her.

Good to see our justice system finally working the way it should.

Be right back, ill say my opinion in 5 days.

@DurianKing

6 жыл бұрын

So? It's been a year!

@oristo42_3

5 жыл бұрын

Ahmad Mujahid It has been rejected.

@eliasmolin4395

5 жыл бұрын

We want your opinion!

@johnmcdaniels9231

5 жыл бұрын

2 years

@fabiancalderon6729

5 жыл бұрын

sadly he passed away

I now understand why Washington resigned, he was tempted to revoke the free speech of the 18th century equivalent of this guy and felt bad about it when he annoyed a coworker a few weeks later.

"...and then they went with that first option?" Lmao

2:08 _"A 5 day waiting period before uttering an opinion of any kind."_ 😆

Hitting closer any day now 🤪

@DK-qp4jf

3 жыл бұрын

Hitting closer every day now

The courtroom sketches are spot-on

The Onion now has the problem that it no longer appears surreal when compared to "real news"

@opinionday0079

5 жыл бұрын

so true, the real is more bizzare and stupid than the onion people could have imagined.

@JB-ym4up

5 жыл бұрын

KZread AI started recommending onion videos as related to the 'news' I was watching. I'm not sure if the AI is just confused or trolling me.

@theyoshi202

5 жыл бұрын

@J Bottero Same for me, in reverse though. I only watch onion videos but lately KZread has begun recommending some ridiculous but real stories.

@REgamesplayer

4 жыл бұрын

AI is incapable of separating sarcasm and mockery from real information. It thinks it is news source, it sees high interactivity and hence thinks it is popular news site.

@aceman0000099

3 жыл бұрын

Everyone says this about every piece of satire, every time, thinking they're smarter than most people. This is literally the whole point of satire, to make you think like this. But to be painfully obvious, no. no one has ever had their right to free speech taken for being annoying, and this genuinely is still a funny concept, because it is (still) slightly absurd. It's not clever to take a 'pretty accurate mockery' of current events and say "wow, haha, this isn't even a pretty accurate mockery, this is REAL LIFE!!" and especially not when there's a dozen or so people saying the same thing on every video

I've met people who literally will come up and talk to you for twenty minutes straight without interruption. Both of them were strong churchgoers, because churches used to be full of people who were too polite to tell them to shut up. Now churches are full of people who will come up and talk to you for twenty minutes straight.

@RideAcrossTheRiver

3 жыл бұрын

"By the way, did you know the Moon itself is a hoax?"

@Resi1ience

9 ай бұрын

This is why bullying exists. Sometimes you just need to tell someone to shut up and that no one cares.

@Oysters176

2 ай бұрын

@@Resi1ience Indeed. I always supported and respected bullies. I welcomed them, when they held the right positions.

That poor independent arbiter...

Sometimes the title alone on these vids will have me laughing

@azertyuiop432

3 жыл бұрын

How is going alqaida decoy muslim ?

I love the courtroom drawings 😂

"Well of course I know him, he's me."

The actor playing Brooke is a national treasure.

Sadly Mr Becker is in my inner family circle and I was part of the class action lawsuit. With freedom comes responsibility and accordingly there is no freedom for the irresponsibly idiotic.

I can't believe someone in *current year* would say such things.

@lucian5389

5 жыл бұрын

Holy shit ikr unbelievable its *current year* come on people!

@johnreese5739

5 жыл бұрын

wow this is so relatable to *current year* amirite, absolutely prophetic

Did you know that Brooke Alvarez has more stalkers than any other news reporter?

@BagMonster

4 жыл бұрын

If you're watching Brooke Alvarez, you're not alone!

@timopper5488

3 жыл бұрын

@@BagMonster I hear you have to sign up months in advance to get a good vantage point overlooking her favorite backyard nude sunbathing spot.

@RonJohn63

3 жыл бұрын

Did you know that "Brooke Alvarez" worked for Fox News just before joining the Onion?

@alkebulanawah4242

3 жыл бұрын

This is disheartening news... being one myself

Getting this in my recommended section after Trump got banned from Twitter is the best.

@ADogNamedStay

3 жыл бұрын

Almost like you can't stand the sound of somebody's voice and something about the way they look hmmm?

@omnitroph1501

3 жыл бұрын

@Jonny Croxville To be fair, Orange man bad. However, free speech good.

@arcturus4762

3 жыл бұрын

@Jonny Croxville Orange Man *Bad*

@holidayin7962

3 жыл бұрын

It’s illegal to shout “fire” in a crowded movie theater and Trumps tweet’s are basically that.

@omnitroph1501

3 жыл бұрын

@Jonny Croxville That's what happens if we allow the first amendment to be disregarded. However, we haven't lost that battle yet.

1:06 "ugh"

@h.plovecat4307

5 жыл бұрын

That's where I broke.

@jayroman1978

3 жыл бұрын

Same

next time they need someone to run a filibuster, guess who they will call?

Uh, thank you Brooke 😂

I love the sketches of the justices that show them all facepalming. 🤣

Jack Dorsey must be taking tips from the Onion. It's uncanny.

I love Brook Alvarez being condescending to Jane Carmichael.

I’m not sure if this was intended, but when I hear “An impenetrable barrier against deception”, I also hear “An impenetrable barrier against conception”, which is also valid claim.

We met people like this once in a while in real life.

@realtownboy6763

3 жыл бұрын

..and then they met you.

This aged amazingly

The Onion, harbingers of things to come.

@toxendon

5 жыл бұрын

What has come?

@OrangeBarrySanders

5 жыл бұрын

More like heralds of things to come. Harbingers implies they’re the ones making this future happen.

@AFPLJohnny

4 жыл бұрын

Mason maybe they are...

Kudos to Onion - where do you get all these ideas?

@alechorn1109

5 жыл бұрын

Hugo Furst John Cleese of Monty Python said” I don’t tell jokes, I just point them out. “

@owlblocksdavid4955

5 жыл бұрын

From the submissions. People send ideas for approval to be spoken out loud, and the Onion, an independent arbiter, steals them.

@jaredgunkle1562

4 жыл бұрын

from the hole

@szilardfineascovasa6144

3 жыл бұрын

Inclined to think the correct answer was: "From the future."

"...A nationwide requirement that Americans must undergo a five day waiting period before uttering an opinion of any kind." It's been 11 years. Can we pass this resolution already?

These videos are just getting better and better as the years go by.

I would say what I think about this, but I have to wait five days!

Were this so, parents would be filing in droves.

My God, I need to do this to my mother. She turns a 2 minute comment into a 2 hour story that has no point, or plot, or sane thought behind it. And tells it to everyone she meets. Standing in line behind her at a store is probably like being in Purgatory.

Those courthouse depictions are on point. I couldn't stop laughing

"A nationwide requirement that Americans undergo a five day waiting period before uttering an opinion of any kind" Imagine the trouble that would have solved this past few years. Please make it happen America.

@SwegDawgs

3 жыл бұрын

Nah, we may be retarded, but we have a God given right to speak our retarded opinions, and we're the best country because of it

@genericchannelname4110

3 жыл бұрын

@@SwegDawgs *one of the best

@SwegDawgs

3 жыл бұрын

@@genericchannelname4110 No. That sounds like cope from a person from one of the inferior countries

@genericchannelname4110

3 жыл бұрын

@@SwegDawgs you just played yourself because I’m from the US. By no metric (gdp per capita, crime, happiness, welfare, etc.) is it the best. It’s a fine country though.

@saxx9088

3 жыл бұрын

@@SwegDawgs pfft you may be slightly biased

Wow...Onion predicting the future literally.

It's been a long time since I laughed so hard, Seriously Thankyou The onion! Specially the script writers, the actors, the director and LITERALLY EVERYONE FOR MAKING SUCH WONDERFUL SKITS

Every minute I'm there I'm losing deals.

Gosh the onion is literally always on point. Yesterday's humor is today's reality, it's CRAZY

Regarding Trump and Twitter...

@josiahm.8711

3 жыл бұрын

yea basically

"An impenetrable barrier against deception " 😂 😂

How did they know what 2019 would be like?

I love those illustrations.

This channel is pure gold!

@TheGuardDuck

5 жыл бұрын

Yes it is!!

@AngloSupreme

5 жыл бұрын

It used to be.

Court decided that this ruling will also retroactively apply to all guys claiming a right of free speech on the internet.

As someone from Pheonix Arizona, I'm proud of my home town

Trump gets banned off all social medias and this is recommended to everyone after 9 years. The algorithm has a great sense of humour lmao

@gustavoturm

3 жыл бұрын

@Texan White Panther He's not really that far from being censored by the government... XD

@brianm120

3 жыл бұрын

or the media is run by people that hate trump, could really go either way

@stansman5461

3 жыл бұрын

@Texan White Panther But don't you think Government is supposed to protect individuals if corporations are wrongful in their behaviour. I mean, that's what minimum wage laws are.

@Hopeswilldie

3 жыл бұрын

Nothing humorous about suppressing free speech, when it's the reality. It's a totality in the making. I fear for you, Americans, I really do.

@monkeywkeys3916

3 жыл бұрын

@@brianm120 Im sticking with The Onion.

Little did The Onion know what was coming in 2021.

@agentk1205

3 жыл бұрын

Or did they....

@rorirm

3 жыл бұрын

The people writing the script now have no original ideas. Hence, they steal them.

@SassanMedia

3 жыл бұрын

How so?

@nathanwoodruff9422

3 жыл бұрын

@@SassanMedia Because Big Tech is removing free speech already and it is only a matter of time before the courts start getting involved to the approval of removing free speech.

@SassanMedia

3 жыл бұрын

@@nathanwoodruff9422 Although, I disagree with Big Tech companies censoring people, but corporations removing people from their platforms are well within their rights and it’s quite a stretch to government censoring free speech.

I didn’t even need to watch it, I read the headline and just bust out laughing

“Then they went with that first option…”

They should've chosen the second option...

@petergray2712

4 жыл бұрын

Those gavels would have broken before inflicting a serious enough injury.

@timopper5488

3 жыл бұрын

@@petergray2712 They could easily get more gavels. As many as it takes.

If you’re watching the Onion News Network with Brooke Alvarez, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

1:03 “Canada discontinues undercover mounted police unit” ... and now the horse gangs can get away scot-free ...

They’re so serious that I thought this was legit for a moment. 😂

Arizona vs STFU is still waiting appeal.

They should do this to every Twitter user

He was right about organic food.

@bp56789

5 жыл бұрын

But who doesn't already know that? And is telling those people going to make any difference to their purchasing behaviour?

@Scrubwave

5 жыл бұрын

@@bp56789 But that was 8 years ago, that man was ahead of his time.

@petergray2712

4 жыл бұрын

Yes, he's right. But it took six hours- and numerous segues about the pro and cons of using a riding mower for a commuting vehicle, the relative price of hot dogs in competing urban markets, arguments about whether dogs had money of their own would they or wouldn't they buy waterbeds, and the stubborn insistence that a smoking hot blonde was staring at him at an Applebees in Albany New York on a Sunday in 1999- before he finally made his argument that organic food was a ripoff.

@timopper5488

3 жыл бұрын

@@petergray2712 I can assure you that that smoking hot blonde was not looking at him, but just checking out the clock behind him to see when her shift ended.

9 years later satire is indistinguishable from reality.

@JL-sk8fs

3 жыл бұрын

So true

@arcturus4762

3 жыл бұрын

It’s sad. But at least we can continue with the orangemanbad memes

@robdixson196

3 жыл бұрын

@@Dimitris_Half It started with the "safe space" continued into "cancel culture". Only God knows where it is going from there.

@robdixson196

3 жыл бұрын

@@Dimitris_Half yup everything is great and getting better

@jacobschweiger5897

3 жыл бұрын

@@Dimitris_Half there’s a difference between not buying products from companies with unethical practices and campaigning to get individuals fired becuase they tweeted something you didn’t like. Look at Gina Carano, she didn’t even say anything wron and they fired her. Unless you submit to the Marxism they come for you.

Is this guy my mom?

@Blinker_Fluid_Supply

5 жыл бұрын

Da fuq ?😂

This made me smile. I needed this today.

The absolute boredom of the guy behind him in the courtroom sketch was a real cherry on top lol

I see a lot of comments here from a year ago saying this was a head of its time. If only they knew...

@bottlerocket2528

3 жыл бұрын

Thats just what I was thinking 😂

I had a beautiful dream yesterday. A dream that the Onion make another video like this.

"...was causing them emotional distress" "m'hm" and it's the "m'hm" that does it for me. Good actors, you got there

WOW !!! ...this is so foretelling !!!

"...5-day waiting period before uttering an opinion of any kind." That would sort of kill KZread, Facebook, Twitter, etc....and, I guess, would also kill this comment and all the other comments here.

@EddSjo

5 жыл бұрын

Good

Men to men: war Women to women: cold war

Onion News: "An impenetrable barrier against deception." The truest sentence in the world.

This hits a bit harder now

"yeah,Im a motorcycle guy' lmao

It would be really great if this was actually possible to do in life. Everyone knows at least one girl or guy like this.

The guy sleeping on the sketch at 1:20 😂😂, these are the best

2:08 This isn't entirely unbelievable. In some states, another Constitutional right is limited with waiting periods. Remember: If they can take away your neighbor's rights, they can take away yours.

This is supposed to be satire, not a documentary

Some people don't see the irony

That 5 day waiting period should probably be a thing. Don’t worry, I typed this last week and waited until today to send.

@saixmusic9322

5 жыл бұрын

The fact that this was written 5 days ago makes it amazing

Well. Here we are.

Reality is just plagiarizing Onion at this point...

"Keep you're head up, you're doing a really, really great job out there." OH GOD THAT'S ALL I NOTICED THE ENTIRE VIDEO AND THEY ADDRESSED IT

I just read the transcript about the washing machine 1:23 it's hilarious! and that courtroom artists rendering of him is perfect 1:18 🤣🤣 The details The Onion go to is commendable and adds so much to the comedy!

The hilariously over-the-top nature of the Onion intro sequences to its programs is not appreciated enough

Hope Onion comes back and reclaims its former glory... and more.