I’m dealing with this now. Our problem is we don’t wanna admit it! We care about each other we’re just not compatible at well..

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3 жыл бұрын

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@albinopenguin6894

3 жыл бұрын

@@ojoojukwu8892 fuck off bot

@johntalak5453

2 жыл бұрын

How did you guys meet? If you don't mind my asking

@sinac.270

2 жыл бұрын

I am in this same situation. We are not compatible at all! But unluckily I am the black sheep and it is my fault he says 🙄 How is your life right now if I may ask?

@carlosdossantossouza6141

Жыл бұрын

@@karmatshering5238 Damn! That sounds boring as hell. Sometimes you got married and didn't really know the person until years into the marriage. Sometimes divorce is the only way.

To avoid problems in marriage, never get married...

@boston312

3 жыл бұрын

no no no, we must have a big lavish wedding to show off our wealth and give the illusion of our happiness to others. After the wedding when the marriage become difficult we can then go our separate ways

@eierinjhoi

2 жыл бұрын

Jason Padilla: I disagree. Do you mean just move in together and not get married? I think a better idea is to choose a marriageable partner well. A successful courtship tests an individual. It can potentially weed out those who are just there for the good things. It's not marriage that is the problem. It's the best institution to bring up kids. The problem is not knowing the person you marry fully and not fixing our own wounded selves before being in a committed relationship

@donttryitjohn364

2 жыл бұрын

@@eierinjhoi Marriage is a suckers bet for men lets be honest. The risk is not worth the reward. Even a prenup can't save you.

@FuriousBuddha

2 жыл бұрын

Red pill ?

@boston312

2 жыл бұрын

@@eierinjhoi why would you ever sign a contract(marriage) which your partner would benefit in breaking?

It is a nightmare honestly to live as a roommate with someone is called a spouse.

@eierinjhoi

2 жыл бұрын

The problem with videos like this is overgeneralization

@bilgturksoy3296

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly

@tayoriginal4067

2 жыл бұрын

Ohh how I felt this comment.

@truthwithes6690

2 жыл бұрын

That's exactly what it is

@lorraineb396

2 жыл бұрын

@@tayoriginal4067 me 2

Living a lie in front of my children I will not do it for another 9 years

@mavhusamuriwo1314

2 жыл бұрын

How did you go??

@swiminthesea6724

2 жыл бұрын

Have you split now?

@TheCommonSensible

13 күн бұрын

Grow up

@user-gv5py2wk9d

4 сағат бұрын

@@TheCommonSensiblewhat do you mean grow up

As a teenager I was sooo relieved when my parents split. We all knew they didn't get along, so why force it? Finally the air was clear and everyone could move on. I wanted each of them to be happy not together at all cost.

@fiona3821

3 жыл бұрын

Wish mine did it sooner

@marioncobretti8210

3 жыл бұрын

Well if you were that relieved obviously there was something insane going on like physical abuse mixed with yelling if your parents were quiet about their unhappiness and could actually sit together at the dinner table and you were happy to see them split then that's bizarre when my parents hooked up with their new partners that's when me and my brothers experienced are traumatic period of life. I'll be very careful persuading other people to get a divorce because you don't know if those people are capable of finding good partners I just because it worked out for your parent doesn't mean it'll work out for their parents I would never advise someone to get a divorce unless they were being physically abused

@surlespasdondine

3 жыл бұрын

@@marioncobretti8210 My parents fought a lot, yes, but no there wasn't abuse. I was happy they split because I just knew they were not well matched. Much better to be separated than not to get along. Now they are friends and we have peaceful family gatherings and it's so much better than when they were a couple. I just recognized at an early age they were a bad match. There was zero violence or abuse though.

@surlespasdondine

3 жыл бұрын

Just remember -anyone reading this- that we are all different-my sister took the separation very differently from me.

@marioncobretti8210

3 жыл бұрын

@@surlespasdondine exactly that's what the point I'm trying to make if your parents can't keep the peace then I can understand them getting a divorce because even if there's no physical abuse but they're screaming at each other or having very long drawn-out arguments in front of the kids that I can understand that however that can traumatize your kids and then the cherry on top is when you hook up with new people and those people Force themselves on your children like in my situation and in some situations start disciplining your kids because they believe in spanking that can really do some traumatization I'm 33 years old and I'm not going to lie I'm screwed up from what I went through as a kid and I do forgive my parents but I'm emotionally damaged to the point I have to see a psychiatrist to talk and get things off my chest over and over I feel unloved and I feel betrayed and I've had those thoughts in the past that nobody likes so just imagine if you're a mother or father do you want to create someone like me just so that you can have great sex the answer is you can wait until your kids are raised properly and out of the house or at least adults and I know not everybody hooks up for sex but my parents literally hooked up with their second partners for sex and my mother's second partner was a drunk abusive psychopath that hit me with a two-by-four and later we discovered he was still married when he first met my mother and he abandoned his adopted daughter. and I hate to say it guys but there's going to be more evil bad people out there than good people nowadays I mean the internet is horrible people have very low standards when it comes to relationships if you have innocent beautiful little children just let them be kids and focus entirely on them I promise you if you do it correctly it'll pay off in the long run but my mother and father even though I forgive them they're going to go to the cheapest Adult Day Care Home and I'm not going to check up on them

All these comments are making me feel better. I just filed and have 2 toddlers (2 & 3). I really didn't want to end our marriage, but I found it to be toxic sometimes as the level of disrespect for each other would grow in every argument. I love my wife, but I don't want our children to see us like this. We've had a lot of the same issues for years now, and Im just feeling burnt out. I pray anyone else going through this finds peace.

@carloschica1628

Жыл бұрын

How’s it going now?

@ana-maria448

Жыл бұрын

How you love her if you disrespect her? If she disrespect you, you can avoid it by not getting into conflict. If you are reciprocating, I won't say you are a lot better.

@pauljohnusita7274

Жыл бұрын

@@ana-maria448 not getting into conflict "many times" gets to be taken advantage of by the other side... I know this from personal experience... I did my best to be a father and got ignored... Unappreciated... Disrespected... All because she sees other people's success as our failure... There's just no contentment... It's a hard choice. It's a sacrifice of your real happiness, but sometimes, you have to let it go... In the end, it's all for the kids, not wanting them to always feel the trauma of seeing and hearing us in those unhealthy arguments.

@kryssme88

Жыл бұрын

How is it going now?

@parrymylogicthen290

Жыл бұрын

I highly suggest people look up and research into narcissism. Alot people are in relationship or married to narcissist but constantly be lied to by the narcissist to realize this. Do you want to know the first sign that you are??? You're always feeling drained! Mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Well said! I was married and divorced after 5 years with two children. I think there is an enormous benefit to getting divorced when your children are very young. There is nothing worse then exposing them to a toxic marriage. I don’t know how people can stay in a bad marriage for a single month, let alone a decade!

@Langley_Ackerman19

3 жыл бұрын

There's no divorce here in my country, lucky for you. The male politicians here are afraid their wives would divorce them because they know it'll happen so they won't pass the divorce bill. Tons of horror stories of women in toxic and unhappy relationships.

@boston312

3 жыл бұрын

why get married in the first place?

@boston312

3 жыл бұрын

@@Langley_Ackerman19 you from the Philippines?

@frankietjspecial

3 жыл бұрын

@@boston312 to have kids, that’s the only reason to get married.

@frankietjspecial

3 жыл бұрын

@@Langley_Ackerman19 probably a middle eastern country.

Being with my husband 24/7 because of the pandemic has solidified my belief that our marriage is over. I feel nothing but resentment and anger for him. Wish I can start working back in the office so I don't see him all the time.

@favourrose7946

3 жыл бұрын

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@kennethmarvin419

2 жыл бұрын

sorry to infringe on your privacy,Its said that 'A picture is worth a thousand words, but when I saw a photo of you, it was more than words could explain.Your profile is irresistible,though a little personal message but your look tells a lot about a nice person...so i had to drop a message to the charming person with this great profile.Just want to know you better and be a friend

@fleckcadeau2382

Жыл бұрын

@@kennethmarvin419 Cringe

@ghosthost1672

6 күн бұрын

​@@kennethmarvin419 f cringe lol

I think that marriages that don’t work out should not stay just for the kids. I think living a lie could possibly be more damaging to the kids.

@bonitaohyea9258

5 жыл бұрын

It is plus they learn to accept abuse.

@H37P5kY57

5 жыл бұрын

My ex husband expected that marriages that aren't happy - you just do a cold war type of marriage. He did not at all like engaging in communication that wasn't "pleasant". I do believe he was a narcissist so living in this state of watching your parents never engage with each other - in a productive/loving marriage - he was more encouraged to cheat

@emokiriemiabednegoabed2844

4 жыл бұрын

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@alaxd5120

4 жыл бұрын

@@emokiriemiabednegoabed2844 totally a bs story and sales pitch

@theslownorris7277

4 жыл бұрын

I think folk should focus on their kids and mutate themselves around them. You are dealing with another person for F Sake. Be human. Show compassion. Don’t stay married to a monster, show little folks how o be good. And most of all, don’t marry another child masquerading as an adult. Children need mothers and fathers... mentors. And child you may consider an ignoramus? That is your arrogance. A child will make you grow, as a person. Children are good. And so are you.

My friend told me that for her the day her parents divorced was one od the best days in her life. At last she could see her mother happy and feel good and safe at home. She hated the time when her parents were together as she saw and felt that they were unhappy. Staying together because of kids is hurting them - you show and teach them that it is ok to stay in a relationship in which you feel terrible and no matter what you should continue it. That is worse than a divorce.

@FloppityFlopFlop777

2 жыл бұрын

THIS! You nailed it!

@sadatumohamed8777

Жыл бұрын

I was happy when my parents finally got divorced

@rachellebayard8548

8 ай бұрын

Absolutely

I say stay together for your kids because as a father myself I know damn well that I am their best option for protection and love. No other man would ever be worthy of my two sons. I will never ever allow my sons lives to be in the hands of any man other than myself.

@YoMommaNYaDaddy

Жыл бұрын

man i feel you, i cant imagine my son being with some boyfriend or stepdad, and nobody will protect them like me or his mother, maybe when my kids are older i'll divorce honestly thats how im thinking

@alysgud

Жыл бұрын

My dad had the same personal views as you. The emotional damage it caused for us because of his selfishness really ruined our perspective on relationships and marriage. Our self esteem and self worth went down the drain. We had to see miserable, toxic and depressed parents rather than happy, emotionally stable and healthy parents. And trust me, it does feel like it’s our fault. Divorce is traumatizing but it’ll never be as bad as unhappy parents. Parents deserve happiness, parents deserve healthy marriages that reflect onto our future relationships as children. Our dad will always be our dad, no man can take his place. New boyfriends or girlfriends do not affect us but yourself.

@meerajkhan

Жыл бұрын

Imagine having a daughter with an ex wife dating men from Juarez

@meerajkhan

Жыл бұрын

@Sue Sue toxic ewww

@Madithemuggle

Жыл бұрын

@@alysgud exactly!! This guy is so selfish and sounds so egotistical. He’s looking at it from HIS perspective and not those of his kids. He’s using his kids to excuse his self-centeredness. It’s toxic as hell.

What if divorce will mean the kids will live in poverty and be with one parent half the time who is completely irresponsible (he's diagnosed bipolar and refuses meds). I would leave if I could afford to and he was a decent parent. For now we are roommates which is the best I can do under the circumstances. At least with me there all the time there's an adult to turn off the oven, lock the doors, bathe the kids, help them with their homework, and pay the bills. I know it's not optimal but optimal (two parents who love each other) isn't an option that I have anymore. I have two bad choices and have to take the lesser of the two evils.

@jodyljohnson8515

5 жыл бұрын

Gosh I feel for you and your kids... I grew up in a poverty stricken home, but I also felt all the love I needed. when I grew up in that kind of life, we are able to appreciate things more readily, worked harder for what we wanted and were proud of what was accomplished! If you do leave, please know that there are organizations out there that will help families with children! you might have to do a little work to find those organizations, but they are there to help you and your kids!

@DiLifeandStyle

5 жыл бұрын

Maybe work on building a support system for yourself so you can leave in a year or two. You probably don't want to end up like the other commentor. Don't make this just about the kids. YOUR life is important, too. YOUR happiness and your future are incredibly important. Churches are a great way to build a strong support system if you don't have family nearby. Join a church, build relationships and friendships, seek out other organizations and systems you can take advantage of in your area/state when you leave, and prep the kids. They'd probably like to leave, too. I wish you all the best in life. I know that the darkness can be all-consuming at times and my heart goes out to you. I clawed my way out, and I pray you do too. ♥

@jayalexander6798

5 жыл бұрын

Di Life and Style it’s not just about support. It’s also about protecting the children from their father, who will get half the time with them after the divorce.

@ConstantCompanion

5 жыл бұрын

I do feel for you. And I understand your predicament. Is there a chance that you can go to school at least part-time? People with disorders have a tendency to straighten up at least marginally if they know that their spouse is working on options. I still wouldn't leave him because if you do, your children will spend time with him unsupervised. And as you say, they will end up with no parents. Sometimes just letting him know that you are not without options, that you are perfectly capable of building a life on your own will cause them to reevaluate their behavior. You are exactly the kind of person I would love to be able to work with. It takes a very strong person to do what's before you. I still don't recommend divorce. Believe it or not, he's better than no parent or another parent. Broadening your horizons will change you as well. and really? The bottom line is, you're the one who needs to change. I know that's a hard pill, but once you move that direction, you will see what I mean.

@Ravi-xo1yq

5 жыл бұрын

Smart choice, thanks for sharing. You are wise! Don’t listen to the standard line if it doesn’t fit your situation.

I remember wishing my parents would get divorced when I was younger. It was awful knowing that they were only staying together because of me. They would scream at night in the living room thinking I was asleep, but I was sitting on the stairs listening to them night after night

@claudychiron2432

3 ай бұрын

This was my brothers and I, they slept in different bedrooms and still found ways to fight at 2 or 3 am. Vacation as a family was always painful. I just wanted it to stop. Sadly I chose a partner with the same way of functioning. It felt familiar. And I stayed way too long for my 4 kids until 2 of them spoke up. Their dad does not think it was that bad, at least he didn't hit me (his words). We stepped away 1 ½ year ago and my kids are blooming, their personalities shining, the relationship between the 4 of them is so beautiful and my teens are just a delight to be around. I don't only love my kids and I, I like being around them and on my own. We are pleasant company ❤ It was the hardest decision. It was scary not to know what would happen, but it has been the best decision for us.

@littlekid9019

2 ай бұрын

@@claudychiron2432how long did it take for you to come grips with the guilt of the divorce? I’m just now separating, and it’s so damn hard to keep this together. I know it’s best for me and the kids. They don’t see what its it’s like for 2 people to love each other. I’m so worried for them, they are all girls, 4,7, and 8. Separate housing, we are doing one week on one week off. So every Sunday we are dropping them banx off. Financially it’s going to be even harder, living in Florida is very expensive. Any positive advice would be appreciated. Thanks

Maybe it’s because we like to see our kids every single day and not just part time

@michaeld7777

2 жыл бұрын

exactly

@tomb70

2 жыл бұрын

This video is devorce from a woman's perspective.

@godriclil9379

2 жыл бұрын

This is what happen to me. How did you get over it?

@blahdiblah2169

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly, as a father divorce = your wife will get primary care giver role and you'll occasionally get to see them. What's even more disturbing is outside of your sphere of protection and guidance, once you're on the side of the picture you may be in for some very nasty surprises. 1. You have no idea who she partners up with next, who will ultimately become more influential in your kids life than you, and soon they'll start calling him "Dad". 2. Her family will poison your kids against you, even if this is very subtle way. 3. She may just move and there's not much that can be done about this, making it even harder to see your kids.

@nicholusbaker2830

2 жыл бұрын

@@blahdiblah2169 this is EXACTLY my reasoning as well. I'm a father myself and I know God damned well that no other man will love or protect my boys like I do.

We split up yesterday. Kids decided to stay with me. She already had somebody else. I will put my kids in first place and give them best I can. I can tell I felt shit couldn't sleep all night,but now I feel bit relaxed and I'm pretty sure it will get better.

This was the worse reason for my parents to have stayed together. It made everything disastrous between me, my siblings and the entire family dynamic. Years later we kids were taken under custody ward of the court, became foster children and resented the hell out of our parents. We are all adults now, never speaking to our father and bonding pretty closely with our mother. I believe we all would've been healthier and happier with our parents divorced and being mature enough to work out differences for our sake. I begged my mom to divorce my dad at 11 years old. Welp.

@reaverkai

5 жыл бұрын

I told my mom to divorce too, they now live separate although not officially divorced but she did it after me and my brother were over 18, I told her to divorce when we were 7-10... In our case it wasn't such a bad situation but she was unhappy and that's what I hate the most, to think they wasted so many years of their lifes together making each other unhappy

@emokiriemiabednegoabed2844

4 жыл бұрын

Smartness is important in a relationship and cyberhackinggenius helped cloned my husband’s phone and I got access to all his dealings both on phone and social media without touching his phone. All I did was share my husband’s phone number with cyberhackinggenius and I was able to read both his new and deleted messages from my phone without having to touch his phone. My husband was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad to find out all his secrets and infidelity with the help of cyberhackinggenius. I’m here in UK and able to access my husband’s phone messages with a link on my phone even while he was away in Canada cheating on me. I got to discover that my husband who is legally married to me here in UK is also recently married to another woman in Canada and I’m finally going through a divorce with lots of evidence against him. I read all his Whatsapp, Facebook,Skype,Instagram and Snapchat messages Including the deleted text and recent messages. You can contact this great Hacker Gavin via Gmail (cyberhackinggenius) or text and speak to him directly on his phone and WhatsApp : +19256795146 and don’t forget to thank me later.

@itsmehani7446

4 жыл бұрын

Me rn🥴

@alex124241

3 жыл бұрын

I’m sorry

@sarahbill3085

3 жыл бұрын

@@emokiriemiabednegoabed2844 do you really need help I can recommend you to someone who can help you out

She lost me at “using your kids to avoid a difficult conversation.” I’m sure that happens, but I just found out my wife had slept with my step brother for 2 years. And I look at those little faces and can’t imagine making a decision that could negatively impact their shot at having the best life the possible. I’d venture to guess when most people want to stay “for the kids” it’s because of a genuine concern for their development, and the need (as a parent) to make decisions for them before yourself.

@boston312

3 жыл бұрын

man thats a tough situation. Best of luck to you

@llch21260

2 жыл бұрын

Believe it or not, kids can actually be surprisingly resilient. I'm not saying it's easy of course. And maybe some kids may have a harder time adjusting and coping than others. Without question, divorce is traumatic but so is remaining in an emotionally disconnected relationship. Kids can also be pretty perceptive and pick up on the energy of the surrounding atmosphere of your interactions. And, it does affect them. What they witness with their own parents teaches them what to expect in relationships as adults. I don't think that choosing martyrdom for the kids will do a whole lot of good either because by doing that, you’ll be teaching them that marriage is about being miserable and disliking your spouse. An unhappy marriage affects the relationship of the whole family dynamic because it can take its toll on the parents and compromise their ability to be fully present for their kids because they're emotionally, mentally and physically drained, all the time. Instead of putting in the work to try to fix things or to divorce respectfully, you both just end up going with the flow and accepting your unhappiness as a fact of your life. By doing that, you’re choosing to live in fear and settle for mediocrity, and teaching your kids that’s what they can expect from life, too. When all we are doing is tolerating our partner, we are modeling unhappy, tension-filled, emotionally guarded behavior that kids internalize and carry with them into their adult relationships. It can become normalized for them that relationships are often joyless experiences where the answer to conflict is to sweep it under the rug and not address it. I'm a child of divorce and yes, it was hard on me for a while. But looking back on it now, it wouldn't have been much better if they stayed together either. I'd say it’s healthier for a child to be in a happy home with only one parent, than in a two-parent home where both people are miserable. Ultimately, it's up to you to decide what you're gonna do but that's my 2 cents.

@movieladyLL

2 жыл бұрын

She didn't lose me, but I didn't agree with that point either, I stayed to save my youngins the pain of separation. My folks split in a way that was really traumatic for me so I used alcohol to medicate, it was a dark time, so i was scared to put mine through that. Much bigger fear than just having the tough convo. But she's right in that I'm not doing my kids any favors by staying in and modeling an unhealthy relationship. They'd probably rather see their parents happy. Once I got thru it I was glad that my parents split- they were happier. But I hope to do it so gently. Definitely gonna do the sit down and talk way instead of a casual "Oh your dad is spending Christmas with his new girlfriend" way like I was dealt- don't do it that way. lol

@nursegaines3519

2 жыл бұрын

I agree

@blahdiblah2169

2 жыл бұрын

You're not wrong either. Divorce is hard on kids and people who claim kids are resilient, well it very much depends on the kid and on how the divorce is handled. But a sensitive kid and a messy divorce is how things usually go down. Her whole argument is based on her assumption that parents are using their kids as an excuse to stay in an unhappy marriage, which is just a very shallow conclusion to reach. Also her black and white dissection shows a real lack of depth and maturity. In the real world, sometimes it really is better to stay together during tough times, even if that reason is just for the kids. Also relationships can even improve over time.

I will NEVER get married again. They say "never say never", well I'm saying NEVER.

@blahdiblah2169

2 жыл бұрын

I don't think I would rule it out entirely, however I would be at least a thousand times more selective, and scrutinize all the details. One big thing about marriage people underplay is the inlaws you end up taking on. They end up playing a massive role in your life, and if they're weak or bad family it can make or break your marriage experience, especially when your partner's priorities are wrong. Another thing is actually being with a person who just gets you. You can literally be married to someone for decades and the wrong person will still not understand you. But perhaps above all things is being with someone who can openly admit to their mistakes, and take responsibility for them. Someone who can make genuine apologies.

@cloverajazz6743

2 жыл бұрын

yes just fuck around and love yourself unconditionally🤭,marriage is traumatizing.

@dogma7911

2 жыл бұрын

There is absolutely no reason to marry as a man. It's a situation where you can lose everything you've worked for, seeing your children everyday, your retirement, your health, everything... all based on her decisions and actions. The courts are against you because you're a man, she will be viewed as the victim no matter what you say or do. Your children will suffer and potentially be raised by another man, who will probably live in your home and drive the car you bought, mow the lawn with your lawnmower, and tuck your kids at night. This is while you're "allowed" to see your own children on "approved" times as you work two jobs now to pay child support and alimony. Nah... taking a hard pass on any future marriage.

@saraahmad549

4 ай бұрын

Amen

I have to say, I'm 22 years old now but I still remember how painful it can be in a house with two people who's amount of anger at each other overcomes the love they have for each other. Them staying together for us was what made everything feel like it was our fault, and it was just confusing with all of the pretending that things were okay in front of us and other people but hearing the yelling and screaming in the other room cause I was a lighter sleeper than my siblings. I remember one day I ran out into the hallway in tears apologizing for what I thought was my fault just cause I ended up telling my mom some info that made it obvious he was lying to her. I screamed and cried and told them I didn't mean to ruin everything. I can't tell you how much pain could have been avoided if they had just split up years before. I really wish they had seen something like this or talked to someone with these same kind of views on marriage. You are so great, I love watching you're videos! 💕

@edie3902

5 жыл бұрын

Still no excuse to divorce.

@lilmochalovefox480

5 жыл бұрын

@@edie3902 Thanks for you're opinion, but I think I'll stick to listening to Mel. Have a nice day.

@shaun2.021

4 жыл бұрын

Wow.. so sad. Smh. Kids are very observant by nature. They see things that even adults can't. I know I did as a child. I hope all is well now with your parents relationship and I hope they at least have A relationship. And I also admire the fact that although you've went through what you went through, history may not repeat itself because you're educating yourself NOW.

@muchgoodisgiven1517

2 жыл бұрын

@@lilmochalovefox480 it’s very traumatizing as children. Unless one has lived it, I don’t think they understand.

@tranellmoore6591

2 жыл бұрын

@@edie3902 cheating isn’t an excuse nor is abuse ? Well, good luck to you! I absolutely resuse to accept being mistreated especially if the other person isn’t trying to save our marriage as well.

My spouse goes to work and comes home to eat and lay on the couch. Weekends come the whole day he’s on the couch. I do everything in our home, from cooking to yard work. Take care of the kids and all things in between. When we dated it was all good, then I got pregnant and he cheated on me while pregnant and didn’t find out until my son was born. He cried and I was stupid and stayed. Things got better for a while. Now we’ve been struggling with things and I feel like I’m over it. Found a gross message about a lady from work send to a coworker (man) and to me that is a disrespect to me. Yes he might pay all the bills, but I feel that’s all he gives. I have no emotional support whatsoever and I have no help at home. Me likes to push my buttons and once I’m upset se turns things on me. And blames me for overreacting. I stayed because I didn’t have a father in my life and I didn’t want that for my kids. I wanted my kids to have a family and tried and always tried to keep my marriage, but I’m tired. I loved my spouse, but I don’t know if I’m still in love with him.

@selinaaylin7224

10 ай бұрын

Omg Same! Not the cheating part (replace that with a po€n addiction, which is cheating in my eyes and constant lying about EVERYTHING!) but the rest is exactly the same. Officially told him I’m done today. What’s your situation now, if you don’t mind me asking?

When I was about ten years old, I started to pray for my parents to get a divorce. My parents fought all the time and it was horrible. I wished they would have divorced to make me happy. My parents staying together was the worst and I have a lot of bad memories because of it. I have issues I still have to deal with because of this. Hearing “staying for the kids makes me sick”. On the bright side, my dad did move out years later and because he moved, my parents became friends. And they ended up getting along as friends living apart. And now, my dad passed away last year, by my mom talks about him as how good friends they were. So, good things can come from horrible situations!!

@tuffstuff2U

5 жыл бұрын

So well put! It's interesting how people act differently when they're operating from a different POV. Oftentimes, married people would like the option of just being friends, and once separated, they're able to do so by being more honest, having given up the facade . People that are in love don't try to convince themselves they are everyday. If you see yourself more as a friend, or, feel constant disdain in a marriage, you shouldn't be married.

@beverleyreid7572

4 жыл бұрын

Natural Beauty Within. You’re correct. Well said.

@minayu4410

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your story. It means a lot for me at this timing

@shcon

3 жыл бұрын

Every situation is different, but I can tell you my wife and I have had rough patches that we worked through. We're very happy now, and it's mostly because we're financially stable now! So much resentment comes from partners not carrying their own weight. (For example working parents sometimes feel that caretaker parents don't do enough and that resentment builds.)

@VeganGroceryLife

3 жыл бұрын

So true! Thank you for all your input! I am glad it worked out well with my parents in the end!

Currently in my marriage of 4 years and I feel completely stupid for having proposed all those years ago. She was a completely different person before we got married and now she’s crabby, narcissistic, disrespectful, ungrateful, and always finds something to complain about. I never cheated, I work a 9-5, pay bills, come home everyday, I love spending time with our daughter, and it still isn’t enough. I just buried my father last week and got little to no support from her…. IM TIRED! But I find myself staying for my daughter who I don’t want to be away from

@LebronTraveled24

5 ай бұрын

@@yeussean yea I’m still here and she’s seeing a therapist. I essentially gave her an ultimatum and once I explained the reality of the situation she realized she had to make a choice

Literally going through this at this very moment. Thank you, Mel. I really needed to hear this ❤

@DavidBaugh-ct2ii

Жыл бұрын

Same here I have been living in misery!!

@ahmedjaaai1659

11 ай бұрын

❤❤❤

You’re assuming parents will be happy if/when they get divorced. My parents were miserable, unhappy people, period. Didn’t matter if they stayed married or got divorced. Thankfully they remained married because if I got shuffled between two households every weekend I’m the one that would have ended up miserable.

@rena6895

5 жыл бұрын

Thank you! I was miserable!

@ConstantCompanion

5 жыл бұрын

There's a difference between living in the same house, and working towards a good life. You need to have a little compassion for your parents. There wasn't a lot of counseling out there for this when you were young. The answer was as this woman says in the video. Just divorced. They literally would push it. There are options and you can learn from this. Be kind towards the memory of your parents. Believe me. There just weren't very many resources

@ConstantCompanion

5 жыл бұрын

4

@leothegamergod

2 жыл бұрын

U r a bloody selfish loser to ruin ur parents individual life.. nonsense

Kids don't always know it's coming...I remember vividly the day my parents told us they were getting divorced...the shock hit me like a ton of bricks at 8 yrs old.

@thesacredgates3079

Жыл бұрын

I agree! Mel, as many have a tendency to do, make such assumptions when they are trying to drive home a point and even more so when the point that they are driving may seem shocking to listeners. I cringe whenever I hear stuff like this because it still hurts imagining 'that' conversation even now at 43!

@courtrae7167

7 ай бұрын

Ultimately, the message is that it’s more detrimental for a child to be raised witnessing a toxic or unhealthy connection, than having to deal with the trauma of experiencing your parents deciding to part ways and coparent separately. As someone who grew up with parents who “stayed together for the kids” and spent every day of my childhood in separate rooms, never date nights, no vacations, no family time together because they didn’t enjoy each other-- I can confirm it was brutal. I used to wish they would divorce.

U forgot to mention how expensive divorce really is this is why millions of men like my father stay in loveless sexless heartless marriage but then they can’t understand why I DONT EVER want to be married

I was a child in a Loveless marriage. It was the biggest mistake that my parents could have ever made for my life. My mother was bipolar and dad was functional depressed, so they were both emotionally unavailable. My mom would ask the children who they wa Ted to live with and would become violent toward us if we said we want to live with Dad. I hated my childhood and I responded to the traumas frequently on my adult life's journey. 💔❤️‍🩹💔

Reset your mind, if you have problems of not feeling happy or fulfilled : you need to fix yourself ! You will eventually feel that way in a new relationship- after the hormone honey moon phase - Begins by being grateful

@wren7182

5 жыл бұрын

I don't see how this in any way shape or form relates to those who are married to addicts, abusers, criminals, adulterers and other disordered people. Fact is...you can't save a marriage with one hand clapping. Not praying, nor self-improvement is going to save something like this. That said, self improvement and working on your issues is always a good idea, if done for yourself.

@pequenabutterfly1668

5 жыл бұрын

Problem in your scenario is : with our laws, the abusers, addicts, mentally sick people ... STILL GET ACCESS TO THEIR KIDS.. therefore if you have kids you better make the sacrifice to at least stay until they are old enough not to be affected by their abuse and neglect - OR ELSE YOU ARE MAKING THE DECISION TO MAKE MORE ADDICTS , abusers and mentally ill people

@pequenabutterfly1668

5 жыл бұрын

@@wren7182 soooo what is your solution when the courts give access to the little little kids who can't defend themselves from the addict, neglectful, abusive parent ? because I have seen and heard of dozens of cases in which they still get visitation and time with them and those behaviours continue - if you as the adult made a bad decision : abandoning your kids to their fate is not fixing your mistake - put your big boy/girl pants on and stick it out until they are old enough to defend themselves OR the other parent doesn't get access to them anymore - they are the collateral damage for your cowardice

@marioncobretti8210

3 жыл бұрын

If you're with somebody and your unhappiness is relatively quiet and you guys aren't yelling at each other and you're not beating each other your kids probably have no idea that you guys are unhappy and to be honest kids are kind of selfish they're not really going to care if they find out because they want to be kids they want enjoy themselves because they're not kids forever. Now what nobody ever tells you is that the second person you hook up with is guaranteed to make everything better in fact you should do research on what are the odds that that second person won't be worse than the first. And let me ask you this because I went through it myself what do you think is more traumatic your parents being unhappy but staying together so that you can have a childhood or your parents splitting up getting with new people and God forbid those new people abused your children. For any women out there considering leaving their husbands I hope you don't have daughters because guess what your new partner who fell in love with you is going to think your daughter looks like you do you really trust him around your daughter when she goes through puberty I mean she's going to look like you but younger version. The last thing I'm going to say is this if your husband or wife he's abusing you then your kids are already traumatized the solution is not get with another person and traumatize them again or risk traumatizing them again the solution is divorce and stay single and focus on rehabilitating your children

Thank you for this very real conversation on divorce.

Mel, this is a lot to take in. Worth listening to your advice a couple of times. Thank you for sharing it on KZread

Mel, you bring me back to life lil by lil each day…. I am so thankful for your videos on everything. It gives me so much hope and strength.

Marriage is for children, why are you trying to separate the two? You could have both had a romantic relationship without getting married, but you decided to form a union and start a family. Try to find ways to take the pressure off the marriage and make things work. Only divorce if it's a major deal - marriage is bigger than the two of you. That's the point of marriage - it's not just about you two anymore.

@AnonymousC-lm6tc

11 ай бұрын

Getting divorced is also for the children. Often times it’s better.

Thank you so much for this. 6 months in and still need that occasional validation.

@user-yq1pb6dx9y

7 ай бұрын

you're selfish. you love yourself more than your kids. i hope their dad gets full custody.

Mel it's a valuable advise on getting separated from a relationship that can further harm future of the kids with Grace. Thank you ✨🌟🌠

this is her best work here! THANK YOU!

Guilt and shame will keep ya there thats for sure !!!! This video sure hit the nail on the head!!! Gotta play it few more times !!!

Children are extremely sensitive and sense every nuance of feeling in parents. Whatever tension exists between spouses children feel it 100 times stronger, are deeply affected by it , and internalize responsibility for it as "their fault". You may feel that you and your spouse are as cool and polite as a dowager duchess on the surface, but your children feel your anger, contempt, and despair. Spare your children the awful experience of growing up in the dark shadow of a bad marriage. If you and your spouse need a divorce get one for the sake of your children. Model good self-care and self-actualization for them instead of letting them see you seethe through years of misery just to hold a traditional role

@kennethmarvin419

2 жыл бұрын

sorry to infringe on your privacy,Its said that 'A picture is worth a thousand words, but when I saw a photo of you, it was more than words could explain.Your profile is irresistible,though a little personal message but your look tells a lot about a nice person...so i had to drop a message to the charming person with this great profile.Just want to know you better and be a friend

I don't stay only because of my kids. I stay because they are the only ones that bring me peace and happiness. I can't let go of my happy place.

@MrEvolving1

9 ай бұрын

Well have fun in your miserable marriage with happy children.

@mjohnson1741

9 ай бұрын

I don't think you realize how selfish that sounds?

I needed to hear this today, I think I’ve been hearing it for years now, but I wasn’t ready for the reception. I am now, and I am ready to make the changes.

If you are in a combative or abusive relationship, it is better to split, but if you can keep a civil home, it is better for the kids if you stay in the same house from what I have learned.

Divorcing while pregnant.....just worried I'm going to still be miserable due to the hurt and don't want my boy to have a bitter mom.......regardless, you're right Mel. Thanks for doing this video.

@kennethmarvin419

2 жыл бұрын

sorry to infringe on your privacy,Its said that 'A picture is worth a thousand words, but when I saw a photo of you, it was more than words could explain.Your profile is irresistible,though a little personal message but your look tells a lot about a nice person...so i had to drop a message to the charming person with this great profile.Just want to know you better and be a friend

@mavhusamuriwo1314

2 жыл бұрын

Hey hey. How are you doing??

When my 4 yo said don't make mommy cry, I knew that my marriage was over. I love him more than anything, and want to be happy for him and me.

Saying that you're using your kids as an excuse not to do anything is probably one of the most un-empathetic things I've ever heard. Wanting to end a marriage and not being able to, or not wanting to because one really cares about one’s children, wanting to make sure that they are OK, and that one is not making a decision that would be regretted for years to come, is not silly, foolish, or selfish in any way. If one is the male in the relationship, it is hard not to think about if the new stepdad is going to really care for them or not. I know a family where the stepdad sexually abused his stepdaughters. Not to mention physical abuse and insensitivity towards children. This is very common. The fact that the person has a hard time making this decision says that this person really cares what happens to his or her children. I know you hate it when people tell you this but there's usually a good reason for it. My point is that it is not that the person is using the children not to get divorced, but rather, they are a huge piece of a complicated situation that must not be ignored during a life changing event and this person is coming to you for a good sound advice and not for you to insult their legitimate concerns.

@kayinzaeunicesarah3102

6 ай бұрын

🎉 surely a complicated situation, if children are involved 😢alot if care must be assumed.

Men, do not hesitate for one moment to put a restraining order against your female partner if you feel your safety and health is in jeopardy. Placing a permanent restraining order on my female ex-partner was absolutely the wisest protective move of my adult lifetime. My only regret is not doing it years earlier. Men, be safe!

I internalize my father saying since I was a child that he stayed because of me and my sister, even today he tries to use me as his psychologist, and get really angry when I don't wanna talk about his marriage, he once said: "you don't do anything, your Mother is screaming with me", and I really thought that I should do something, but these days I know, marriage is between 2 people, is not the concern of their children.

This really hits home. The pain for me is severe. Talking about over 20 years of neglect. I watch our six children did all the cooking while she spends hours shopping. After shopping she spends 6, 7, 11, 14 hours with her mother and sister. She talks on the phone with other people more than she does with me and uses work as an excuse not to show me any affection. After years go by I found out that she's a narcissist. I think that pretty much says it all. P.S. I never thought women could be so violent to their own children. Punching and kicking children in the chest and face. What would posses a woman to do such evil acts? After studying about narcissistic women I understand more now about cluster B personality disorders. I keep asking her for a divorce and she keeps telling me no.

@rosswilliams313

3 жыл бұрын

Same here brother smh

@shcon

3 жыл бұрын

Seriously she probably just doesn't want you to get any ideas and put another baby in her! Apparently you're irresistible.

@magicallyme96

2 жыл бұрын

Well she must not be that bad if you have six kids by the woman 🤔😳 maybe check on her mental health?

@georgejgilles.3999

2 жыл бұрын

@@magicallyme96 I did. She has DSM5

@edwindiegomaradonasilaban8703

2 жыл бұрын

@@georgejgilles.3999 you should take a step, divorce her, let her happy, Im happy after my ex-husband divorce me and I remarry again, he still call me everytime make my new husband mad and angry, my ex-husband should remarry again and let me happy

Thanks for this, ive been married for 16 years and even thou not been for therapy. I know its over and have taken that step and told my wife. My son is 14 and long term what he has left of his childhood im hoping it will be slightly happier in the home for him, we just dont get on. Should have done it 8 years ago and have that regret.

I was the kid that had their parents stay because of us. Trust, the abandonment and the hell I went through was traumatic. I would have preferred them divorce each other than the hell we went through with them together. Back then there therapy was not as available as it is now. So, kids who are going through therapy are lucky. Don't waste your time in a marriage if it is over. Everyone will suffer if you stay. Find your happy and everyone lives a much better life around you.

@surlespasdondine

5 жыл бұрын

Exactly!!!!

The thing for me is that the times we spend together with the kids are when she sees why she likes me. Without going into to much detail we both know first hand what it will do to the kids to separate. It'd be one thing if it was mutual and both of us remained single and worked on ourselves and knew for a fact that there was no third party in action but that's not my situation and it's breaking me. I know the logic spread about how you can't place blame on the third party because they're just acting on an opportunity or if it wasn't them it'd be someone else. Yes kids need to see an example of heathly love but also of healthy management of conflict and to me that example isn't shown by either parent starting a relationship with someone else whilst they live together or are dependent or expectant on the other parent to provide anything for them financially or otherwise. That teaches your kids that it's OK to get what you want or need in any moment out of someone and get your other needs met elsewhere without consequence or responsibility. That teaches your kids that it's OK to use and abuse other people. It teaches your kids that it's OK to only have people in their life for what they can get out of them. It's so much deeper than "staying together for or because of the kids" it's the message and example that are given to the kids of what your actions and behaviors are towards your "partner". We teach out kids to finish one task before starting another, to clean up one mess before making another... What kind of example is being set when one starts a new relationship whilst still living with and having any sort of depence or expectation to provide anything to them that was established or understood because of people being in a relationship?! Mommy can go see and sleep with other people but still has a place to go home to that's not provided by the third party. Mommy gets to have whatever life she wants provided by someone she says she's not with under the guise of its what's best for the kids or for the kids?! I'd do anything for my kids but it disgust me when anyone gets a "grass is greener" feeling and feels entitled to take anything or threaten to take anything especially when the other partner is willing and wanting to work it out and especially when abuse is not a factor. I know for my own sake I need to stop feeling like the victim... Our kids ultimately are the victims and shame on anyone that would use them as pawns to justify or bring themselves any sort of gain of any kind

@paulgti

8 ай бұрын

I am going through exactly the same thing you are.

As a man you will likely see your kids a lot less if you dissolve the marriage unless you're able to prove she is unfit. Unless you're willing to have every other weekend, every other holiday, and a couple weeks in the summer you might need to consult a lawyer first to see where it would land legally in your state w/ custody. It sounds idealistic to go for your happiness but you have to weigh that vs. time w/ your kids.

@ConstantCompanion

5 жыл бұрын

Yes, that's true actually both ways. There is no win when it comes to divorce and children. It is so damaging. To all involved. This woman who made this video I know is well meaning. She doesn't like to see people in pain and I don't either, but you got into this situation and ditching it just isn't the answer. It leaves way too big a mess. And you're likely to end up in one even worse.

@wren7182

5 жыл бұрын

This requires a high level of self-deception as well as deception of the others. Because very often, once your spouse figures out you are done, the atmosphere in the house will dissolve very quickly and you'll soon be forced to go anyway, if nothing else so the kids can finally stop hurting. It is very rare that two parents are so self-aware and so mature about this, that they will sit down and hammer out a good roommate agreement and stick to it. Even more rare than having a friendly divorce.

@lisajane4330

5 жыл бұрын

Unless your like my Dad who refused to leave us kids & his house so my mum left us all.

@GodKing666

4 жыл бұрын

@@wren7182 ...your kind of describing my home. We never truly said those words but, that's how we live. Roommates and business partners, who want what's best for the kids. She knows I'd prefer to leave. As weird as it sounds, it's what's keeping us together.

@brandiphillips5775

2 жыл бұрын

50/50 custody.means tbat both parents have time with kids and time to focus on their career. It sounds divine to me.

I hope more people realize that staying for the children is sometimes not the best option. Please think of your mental health and the rest of your life in peace. As well as not being used for financial reasons, other resources or connections. Blessings and love. ❤✨️

I married a personality disordered man, stayed with him nearly 20 years, trying, hoping and praying things would get better, they never did, I repeated co dependent toxic life patterns because u did not know then what I know now and I am from parents I prayed daily would divorce because it was so crazy hateful I am going to therapy at 51 to try to heal

@DuskAndHerEmbrace13

5 жыл бұрын

Don't marry someone thinking you can change them.

@thearcherofjustice1492

3 жыл бұрын

I understand what you went through. I have had toxic relationships in my younger days. Today we have much more openness, information about everything. There's too much to say.. Warm greetings and love from Europe ❤️

So true. My parents divorced when I was 7 and I say over and over again that I am so grateful they did. It was the single best thing they have ever done for my sister and I. I was old enough when it happened to remember how things were before the divorce, and it was honestly horrible. The constant fighting and resentment between them was so terrible. Because of their divorce, I got to see what a normal, healthy, supportive relationship was like. My dad ended up dating an incredible and amazing woman for a several years and without that I genuinely wouldn't know what a healthy relationship is. Even though they aren't together anymore romantically, they still live together and are absolute best friends who have nothing but love and respect for one another, and it's honestly the most inspiring thing to me. My mom on the other hand married an absolute asshole and now after 10 years of failing to try to make it work she is finally divorcing him. I really try not to hold it against her, but both my sister and I were moved to a different country for her to be with this guy, and it was absolute hell the entire time. I only had to live with it for 4 years until I moved out, but my poor little sister had to endure it until last year when my mom finally left him. Moral of the story, if anything.. please get the divorce FOR the kids. I guarantee it will be way better for them in the long run. AND it will show them how to respect themselves enough to do what's best for them. I wish there wasnt such a stigma around divorce. My parents divorce and my moms recent divorce are literally 2 of the things I am most thankful for in the world.

@majawolfe3241

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you. I needed to read this.

@magnusbaneforthewin

3 жыл бұрын

@@majawolfe3241 💕💕 I wish you all the best

@pamemarald3601

3 жыл бұрын

wow so inspiring

@patriotgains7455

3 жыл бұрын

OMG!! your story sounds horrible. Your family broke up so you and your sister can live with some foreign asshole and being away from your father and that is what your most thankful for. How about your mom and dad not being so damn selfish and put the bickering aside and be adults for the betterment of the children.

Thank you I really needed this.

I am in a family like what Mel says; in fact, the worst is divorce is law in the where I live. It is such a traumatic experience to live in a house where your parents is toxic to one another, my mother just stay to the relationship because of us and because of her extreme christian faith, it really tears me down to see my mom emotionally abused.

Hardest thing I did but staying the same was even more hard and painful! We were both so miserable. No relationship whatsoever emotionally. Married over 23 years. 4 kids later. And last 7 years I just kept ignoring the signs. But I got to a point this past year that I said to myself I am been a hypocrite & a liar to my kids and they know it! We separated . Still dealing with the divorce part. But as parents we are 100% way better parents. I actually get along now with my ex-partner. I couldn’t stand him. When we told our 4 kids we were splitting all 4 from ages 22 to 9 said “yeah we kind of figure that” kids know if. Kids can tell when there is true love . When 2 people are in love and want to spend time together. We were roommates for the last 7 years. Best decision I made! Thanks Mel

I know a couple who are stuck together because they have to care for their two disabled children (genetic disease). Their marriage was dead long before the kids were even born, ironically, they thought having kids will fix their marriage. This sure did “fix” it. My advice to anyone with healthy children: really don’t hide behind them! They will understand and will support you. And be grateful you are not in a situation where leaving is not an option.

Divorce *DO* scares kids for life, because parents are the best role models. I will never enter marriage, because the effect the divorce did to my parents and my siblings.

My husband doesn't believe in therapy. He avoids any conversations about our relationship. When my son gets a little older... We will decide. It's expensive out there. I can't afford to live by myself! A serious amount of disengagement and disinterest.

@patriotgains7455

3 жыл бұрын

Have you tried washing his feet, cooking him dinner, supporting him and being submissive to him. Helping him up not bringing him down. I know if you do these things his attitude towards you will change 180.

@Singer_music7

3 жыл бұрын

Don’t wait til your son is older. It will be more sad for him. There are women’s resources out there that can help you find a low income apartment and even help you find a job. That’s what I did. My husband is exactly like yours and I would not stand by and participate in disrespect and loveless relationship. You got to love yourself and your son enough to know you deserve to be happy and that happiness will trickle down to your son since being a happy mom is better than being a miserable mom.

@michellewei9139

3 жыл бұрын

@@patriotgains7455 supporting him how? If he wants to go mountain biking out west with his friends, I arrange to take a week off work to be home to care for my son so he can. Otherwise he's very self sufficient. Wash his feet?? Umm... No. To the other person... I have a decent job but it's VERY expensive to live in this state! We get by. I'm menopausal now so... Whatever

Amen to everything she said! Lived it as a child.

@sunnywintermorning1941

Жыл бұрын

Did your folks divorce in the end? Did you later marry and divorce?

@Joe161964

Жыл бұрын

@@sunnywintermorning1941 Yes to question 1 and No to question 2

Stay and be miserable together or leave misery behind and find yourself. Choose wisely

@user-yq1pb6dx9y

7 ай бұрын

your kids are more important than yourself

@MrEvolving1

7 ай бұрын

​@@user-yq1pb6dx9ySo are you saying that you will stay in misery for your children?

I’m living this living hell. I’m afraid to be away from my daughter. I’m afraid she won’t want to be with me anymore after the divorce.

@fernandomilan8754

3 жыл бұрын

Imran 1 thanks for your kind words. May god listen to you.

@Area559Duh

3 жыл бұрын

I’m going through it too. Your child will never reject if you do right. The kids in the end will judge you. Maybe not understand now, but later on they’ll get you. Think of long term gains

@boston312

3 жыл бұрын

sadly you are correct. Most fathers will only get to see their kids once a month or twice a month at most yet you are still expected to financially support them. The system is very biased towards men.

Great advice. Instantly received my answer. Thanks

These situations are so difficult though to understand. Sometimes their is no answer, because it’s as vague for the parents as it is for the kids. Especially when you’re inclined to favor one parent more, and then it starts to even out. Divorce is hell, but so is having fighting parents. I think the best way to solve it is to ask the kids which parent they like more. It doesn’t matter what the parent wants, or what they think is fair. If the kids want to live with their mom, let them, and the dad can move on. Like, why are parents so captivated to play hot potato with their kids. It only hurts the kids more, and what the parent wants isn’t really important

Your kids will blossom once you are free and happy. Be free from misery. 🤗

@7346908

3 жыл бұрын

Did it work for you?

Marriage is for children. This meaning has been lost and it's why groups in society who have forgotten this are living in poverty. Anyone that writes to someone else complaining about their spouse needs to grow up and negotiate properly with their partner... For the sake of their kids.

@BdDaBOMB

3 жыл бұрын

🔥 becons in the dark. "Marriage is for Children"

@AnonymousC-lm6tc

11 ай бұрын

Healthy Marriage is for children, but if you think failing marriages are just as healthy and that your kids will thrive simply by virtue of their parents sharing a bed you are sadly mistaken.

Thankyou. Its true what you say and i really needed to hear it. Very helpful.

My parents divorced, and I was only 5 at the time. I admit it was the right thing for my mother to do, and don't think therapy would have helped their situation. However, it did traumatize me. Almost 40 years later, I'm still feeling the effects and unpacking how it, and circumstances surrounding it, impacted me for decades... Wish I had got into therapy much sooner than I did, because it does help, somewhat. But the fear of abandonment, I don't know if that will ever go away.

I'm in the process of going through therapy and want to make it work. We have amazing days and terrible days but fear there is too much baggage to overcome. She sees things through a perspective that I simply cannot change no matter what I do or say. We have a 1 year old and don't know what to do. I don't want him to suffer. I don't want my wife to suffer. I don't want to suffer. Such a hard predicament to be in . . . I'm still in the stage of trying / wanting to make things work but it's like banging my head against a wall and I am legitimately miserable.

@JahlenJohnson11

2 жыл бұрын

How are things going?

@mavhusamuriwo1314

2 жыл бұрын

Hey you still hanging in there?

@erbjp

Жыл бұрын

Hit the eject button. You can’t change her. Only she can change herself when she decides she wants to change.

@MrEvolving1

9 ай бұрын

Leave Mother Phucker! You're welcome. Misery loves company, go be alone for a while.

What if you've tried everything and he refuses counseling?

this is the most sensible discussion I have heard on this topic, thank you

I have a friend who is going through this, and he is always using his child as an excuse. I told him to leave because I was in a household with two parents who didn't get along. He got upset and accused me of not caring and wanting them to break up. He has been going through this for years before his child was born, and he refused to leave. He keeps thinking that he could change her, and I tell him he can't change anyone. At this point, I can't tell him anything anymore.

@mjohnson1741

9 ай бұрын

Love your friend through it, been there and just fake agree. Eventually it will not workout and they will realize you were right and apologize.

He doesnt leave because he will lose everything he worked for his hole life, money house cars, cuatody of the kids. The married man is a hustled man.

@rhaudriokeefe7951

2 жыл бұрын

Amen brother.. I’m well and truly fucked my friend

Thank you so much for this video. My mom used me and my sister as an excuse for not divorcing our dad. She did this for years and kept asking me when I was seven what would I think if she' d divorced him. I would tell her we would support and love her no metter what. She'd divorced him after 30y and then blamed me for the divorce. I love her but that whole thing lasted for 28y and messed with my head big time. She wanted somebody else to tell her what she had to do and if she change her mind to blame them.

@kennethmarvin419

2 жыл бұрын

sorry to infringe on your privacy,Its said that 'A picture is worth a thousand words, but when I saw a photo of you, it was more than words could explain.Your profile is irresistible,though a little personal message but your look tells a lot about a nice person...so i had to drop a message to the charming person with this great profile.Just want to know you better and be a friend

Damn. This was the kind of hard nosed pep talk I needed. I came here with that exact same question and situation. Ironically enough, my name is also Chris.

FINALLY this is exactly what I have learned! Wonderful explanation. Best to all.

My wife and I have maybe, one blown out of proportion, argument a year (the resentment build up). It's semi toxic. We manage to keep it away from our 4 year old, who DOESN'T know, mind you. Outsiders think we have a great marriage. When in reality, we are more like pals, sharing in life responsibilities (with a small side of fuck you). Our intimacy is almost nonexistent. It's now September... We have had sex 3 times this year (briefly). She's a bit delusional, when it comes to how she sees our marriage. If another woman takes notice, she's "up in arms". She'll say things like, "Does she need to see me?", or "...does she see your ring?". As for my 4 year old... The kid is completely in the dark on this situation. We give my child so much attention. We go out together, sing together, laugh together...etc. Not so much as a front. But because, my wife and I are more like friends. So it's easy. This is why it's hard for me to leave. I'm in "No Intimacy Hell". And I've managed to become content with my hell, mostly. I have the occasional NEED. My kids smiling face, and love my child has when they see us together is a great sedative to the calamity.

@GodKing666

4 жыл бұрын

@Michele Marie ...I'd have to say, you are TOTALLY WRONG (tell me again when you've met my child). I never said we are "flat" at home. And you CLEARLY missed the second paragraph.

@pamemarald3601

3 жыл бұрын

child is too young rt now to realize, but 2 to 3 yrs more she will find out..

@Diamond-Essence

2 жыл бұрын

Why's the conversation been deleted?

@GodKing666

Ай бұрын

@@pamemarald3601…stumbled across this video again. Still in the same boat. Your prophecy fell short though… Kid is 9 now, and still clueless. Still speaks highly of her parents being in love. I am in the rare space of knowing my child well. I’ll come back in another 3 years, and give an update.

This is going on for me right now. I just can't get over the fact that our current "therapist" says staying together for kids or for money is good because "it's a starting point". Just blows my mind. I have been unhappy for years, our relationship is very unhealthy, and I have recently began having an affair. But still she will not let us part because of the kids and money. I grow more and more resentful at feeling trapped every day.

@danielp28

3 жыл бұрын

Dude dont post with your real name for christ sake

@pamemarald3601

3 жыл бұрын

my therapist said it too !! my gut says otherwise, I'm listening to my gut I told the herapist also my decision is final ..I look for the better future.

@thearcherofjustice1492

3 жыл бұрын

I am 65 and have a rich life experience and wise outlook on life. You should listen to what is advised in this video. She is totally right. This is very unhealthy to continue to live together "for the kids". They feel that things are not OK. Your therapist is weird, your feeling is correct. Listen to your own instinct. I come from divorced parents (18 years married and hell), I'm divorced too with 3 children. I did everything to always be kind even though he was not. Today my kids are adults and I spared them from hating their dad. My family even was mad at me for Always taking his defense. I lied saying that he's a wonderful dad, children have the right to have and love their dad and their mom. Today they see that he's a poor bum but don't have hatred in their hearts. They have good relationship with him even though he's a slippery fish 😂🤣. Sorry I got caught up with a different topic. There's too much to say. I wish you bon courage, stay strong and listen to your inner voice. Your children can be very happy with their parents separated and you can become extraordinary parents in Co-parenting. Sorry my English is a bit rusty.

@ladylove2310

3 жыл бұрын

I thought therapists were supposed to me a neutral party to the situation. You need a new therapist. I also advise to figure out a way to live separately. You are having an affair, and that is no way to cope with a bad marriage. It’s a band aid to a problem that won’t go away. Do you and figure out a way to become parents to your kids with each other without being together. Step one, find a new therapist.

@boston312

3 жыл бұрын

why did you get married in the first place if you didnt want to be trapped?

So true!

I stood in a very bad marriage for 6 years because I was afraid to leave my kids. Was told I'd never see them again.

@moshtran

5 жыл бұрын

And....? Do you still see them?

It depends on the situation... Plenty of kids would have been better off if their parents had at least stuck it out until they graduate... The reverse is also true... Entirely depends on the character and tenacity of the parents and if the children are put first or the adults...

i agree on everything you said , i wish my parents got divorced their marriage ended years ago more than 20 years because i lived misery since my childhood and it is really damaging i was brilliant and confident now i feel that my power is consumed , i am not able to move on i have been stuck in the same place for years i can't talk to my friends anymore i feel chattered and unfortunately where i live a girl can't move out of the house so i am stuck with my parents and living became suffocating and unbearable . I am Stuck in my home ...

she says Never had to actually do this but here's what you should do,

I like that... Do it FOR the kids. Think of the lessons taught when there's no genuine romantic sweet love.... Pretending, lying, faking it, tolerate, placate, avoidance, irritation, sometimes disgust, annoyance, embarrassment, distance, separateness, and physical and emotional coldness. Yeah, real good relationship lessons. But, we stay together BY GAWD! sarc//// I think staying in a bad marriage is often an excuse to hide from the vulnerability of something real, under the guise of being upstanding. It's a farce, and a hideout.

@GodKing666

4 жыл бұрын

You've never sat in my home. You'd be amazed, and see it can be done.

@rachelashalen1868

3 жыл бұрын

Doing it for the kids is not a thing. My parents divorced and it wrecked us. Even though they fought, it would have been better for us long term if they had stayed together. 100%. #sleepereffectofdivorce.

@tuffstuff2U

3 жыл бұрын

@@GodKing666 what can be done in your house, what are you referring to?

@GodKing666

3 жыл бұрын

@@tuffstuff2U ...reading back. My daughter, though those emotions exist in my home (not on a day to day), has NO CLUE. She's 5. Maybe as she gets older, and can recognize body language a bit more, it will be an issue.

@tuffstuff2U

3 жыл бұрын

@@GodKing666, thank you for sharing that. Unfortunately, kids are very attuned to emotional atmospheric changes and instability. They may not be able to put into words what they are perceiving or witnessing, but that doesn't mean they don't sense it. I have personal experience with this from his early as I can remember, so that's how I'm able to speak about it. I do wish you and yours the best. The best we can hope for in any situation is peace.

Yes. Live with your decision. Why even have kids together in the first place? I really don’t get it.

@johncronin3105

4 жыл бұрын

Yes and people should just not marry then there is no need for divorce. So simple.

@thearcherofjustice1492

3 жыл бұрын

@@johncronin3105 My 3 sons have children with their fiancées and aren't planning to get married anytime soon. Many people don't nowadays here (Europe). During the pregnancy they sign official documents stating each parents responsibilities, ID, etc etc. One son separated from his fiancee and had a conversation with their child, I think he was 5 or 6. He was upset of course and when his parents had explained to him that they will be living in two separate homes, he said He too is going to have his own apartment 🤣😂. They each have the child every other week and help each other out whenever it is necessary. Everything is going great, now he's 8. It is still possible to have a successful divorce and Co-parenting. What I find horrible is that there exists many women who play blackmailing on their children's dad. The children also suffer from this. I had such experience in my childhood. But it was a huge relief when our parents finally divorced after 18 years of bloody battles and violence. My mother was a living terror.

@boston312

3 жыл бұрын

@@thearcherofjustice1492 unfortunately Americans still get married at high numbers due to our highly competitive and capitalistic culture. No one really cares for the marriage anymore but they (especially the women) want their disney wedding. Ive even heard women tell me before their wedding that their marriage will not last but they want to have the wedding.

@thearcherofjustice1492

3 жыл бұрын

@@boston312 Waou that's weird.. Sounds immature, though I judge no-one, just trying to understand. It sounds a bit crazy and lacks clarity. Depressing to hear such statement right before someone is about to marry. I guess we each must learn to walk our own path, and improve the mistakes. Hopefully without too much hurt and sorrow caused around us.. Take care, warm greetings from Switzerland ☀️ its going to be really hot these coming days, pretty scary for me 🥵🔥😅

@johnlyon4999

Жыл бұрын

@@johncronin3105 Then why are you getting married then? Adults will use any subjective justification because they can manipulate their children and it is easy for them. If you made a vow, then stick to it. It's yes, forever, not yes unless it gets inconvenient or too hard.

excellant and amazing as always !Thanks Maam!

I’m Going thru this and I’ve told my husband I want out and he just won’t hear it. I’m afraid of the process. We have separate rooms and we don’t get along we don’t have any intimacy. We’ve been together for almost ten years but only about 2 of those were happy.

@mjohnson1741

9 ай бұрын

Too bad for him, create a strategy and talk with divorce lawyers and do your own research and leave. Listen to me the real failure in life is not being happy, good luck to you!

Children do not always “know it’s coming.” They might know that things are not good, but if both parents love their children, the children would rather have the parents also love each other and stay a family. It is devastating to see your parents divorce (unless there are extreme circumstances that warrant a break-up). Staying in a marriage for the children’s sake, however, doesn’t make the break-up of the family any less devastating. A broken family is a broken family. Why is it any better to “announce” to your son or daughter (the minute they turn 18 years old) that you’ve been living a lie under their nose and can’t wait to divorce each other. Humans are not machines that can suddenly adjust, cope and survive starting the day we become “legal adults” What garbage!

Jelousy in my opinion is the number one killer of relationships. It creates a snowball effect of other issues as well. Too many good men, women and kids are victims of jelousy

I agree. If you are miserable early on chances are it won’t get any better. I wish I had left when my children were young. They have only seen me stressed. Living with my husband who has mental illness was not easy and still isn’t. It sucked the joy out of a lot of things. Also, anyone who doesn’t like their future in laws now… run far and fast. If you sense they will be putting their nose into your marriage at every turn… RUN.. life is too short to be miserable! Be good to yourself.

@ConradKurtMorgan

9 ай бұрын

Are you still with him ?

@ConradKurtMorgan

9 ай бұрын

So true ❤ it takes a lot to get divorced when you have kids. And another thing is being in an unhealthy marriage because of the kids lead to slavery and the kids will definitely grow up not knowing fully what love is because love starts at home.

My parents got divorced after 27 years of marriage, and I’m sorry buttttt it absolutely did scar me for life…. I’m 30 still scared they divorced when I was 10…and I feel like all 5 of us kids of theirs literally are scarred and our family was ripped open in such bad ways and it’s horrible bc my parents STILL aren’t happy even after leaving each other. LASTLY. We all ended up in bad relationships/marriages except ONE of us. It really can create a cycle…… :( so sad.

@weeklydaily4775

11 ай бұрын

On your opinion as the child would you rather they stayed even of theyre completely unhappy with each other?

@mjohnson1741

9 ай бұрын

Don't be sorry, you've told your truth! Your story will help others, namaste.

My wife and I have only one thing in common now, only one goal we are focused on, and that is raising our young daughter to have her best future. We think that's best achieved by having both parents in the home, as miserable as we both might be. Does the child notice how miserable we are, how much bickering and arguing is going on? Of course. But is single parenthood the answer? Shared custody? We think not. So we set the clock: twenty years. We hope our kid will be on her own and we will go our separate ways.

@tabassumkaleem4357

Жыл бұрын

I plan to do the same

@capricik

Жыл бұрын

Hows the 20 year plan going on?

@AnonymousC-lm6tc

11 ай бұрын

That’s a foolish idea. Children can grow up just as well with a healthy co-parenting situation as they would with married parents.

As a child of divorced parents, I can say it completely shattered the family, but at the same time I was so happy for my mum finally leaving my Dad after being miserable for years. The sad thing is she left all of us in the end due to her mental health including 4 young children with the support & encouragement of her therapist.

@shaun2.021

4 жыл бұрын

Wow.... like why did her mental health go like that? Do you think it had anything to do with the divorce? If you don't mind me asking?

Brutal honest video. Salute your upright opinions.

so you think by divorcing, the kids will now see you as happy? Lawyers and courts will remove your ability to "deal with something scary" and I doubt it will be "better." Conflict, disinterest and disengagement can happen in the most successful marriages. You have an obligation to do right by your children! Once you have children together you are bound together for life. Internet experts are dangerous and mostly wrong.

I have a TERIBLE relationship with my wife and do not love her at all. We basically hate each other because we are both very different people. I mean, we have totally different family values, so we basically disagree on everything. Anyway, when I tell her that we need to go our seperate ways, she immediatley says that I have found someone else! She completely ignores the fact that I want a divorce because we are very, very bad together. She frustrates the hell outta me every single day.

@abraose7251

2 жыл бұрын

Do you still love her

Thank you for this video. It is exactly what I needed to hear.

I understand what you are saying but sometimes i think people just need to live apart. Kings and Queens did it for centuries and actually still do it. Sometimes people just need space apart, doesn't mean they need to get divorced. There's nothing wrong with being together while living apart. Spend the night with each other. It will be back to dating each other, which is the thing that dwindles away as traditional marriage continues on for years. People start to take each other for granted when they are together every single day and night

When you are all the reasons why you should be happy and all the reasons why your adult kids are unhappy. It is going to take a forklift of self esteem to get from A to B. Trained from the top down to deflect all responsibility for others. Worse is I have come to believe them

@ConradKurtMorgan

9 ай бұрын

So true ❤ it takes a lot to get divorced when you have kids. And another thing is being in an unhealthy marriage because of the kids lead to slavery and the kids will definitely grow up not knowing fully what love is because love starts at home.

Blink 182 brought me here. One of the bandmates' parents divorced