Thank you to both alison and sherms for bringing up these traumatic experiences as a point of discussion for this episode. Whatever alison described is so true - the doubts, the fear, the escapism. Good advice & pov given by the casts but I hope there can be more empathy & care when discussing about these experiences.

its so heartbreaking hearing alison share her stories bc its so common and relatable for victims to blame themselves or doubt themselves after the incident and proceed to trauma block the event. its easy to tell someone to speak about it but speaking about it is essentially reliving the trauma. even if spoken out, we tend to say it in a more casual manner in fear of being a downer. its not a solution or an alleviation but still thank you tdk for talking abt this.

That Ken Lim impression at 5:25 is freaking hilarious lol

@SixelaFaelan

Жыл бұрын

I feel sorry for the spotify listeners who wont get to witness this lol

@lemon2524

Жыл бұрын

Yes true.

Here’s a girlypop perspective on the first thing to do when your partner get SA-ed: 1. Make sure they’re ok, “Are you alright?” - having that sense of empathy can calm one down 2. If they’re open to it, allow some comfort in terms of a hug, put them in a safe place for the moment 3. Quickly confront the perpetrator, hold them in a place long enough to get the right people to diffuse the situation (hold him down, shout “THIS PERSON ASSAULTED US”) 4. If that person is violent, get some space between both of you & make sure you’re safe. Quickly take a picture, description, and make enough scene to have more attention locked towards you & the perpetrator- do NOT let them run away & continue to get away with it Easier said than done but that’s what I hope someone would do for me when I got SA-ed last time. Peace.

The elephant story sounded so traumatic. She must have felt so helpless. So sorry that it happened 😢

actually, why is it so hard to react when someone told u they got assaulted?? i would have 1st, ask my friend if she/he was ok, and then ask them where did it happen, and ask them to keep a lookout for the perpetrator, then when we find them i will take a photo of the perpetrator and post it online to my socials to tell ppl to beware of this man. Then report to police with photo evidence. Police may not do anything about it but at least it has reached the law and at least my friend could feel a little less worried.

@zipperdeedoodah8616

Жыл бұрын

Many people don't go through these scenarios in their head, they may be afraid of saying the wrong thing, asking the wrong things, making the situation worse etc. Esp for a traumatic event like this.

HAHAHAAHAH the first 10 minutes all distracted by the auditions but alison's acting is spot on 😂😂

if i ever see such a case in MRT, I for sure to shout out and shame him out right on the spot letting the whole MRT know. Destroy him right where he is.

Thanks for this episode! It’ll be great to have an expert or advocate e.g. AWARE Singapore to share more on what can be done after a sexual assault or harassment and further this conversation.

On Shermane's case, just my 2 cents: - She is right, take a few photos to clearly identify the man. - You might not like it, but a crime has been committed towards you, let your friends/partner know and accompany you to relevant authorities asap. - Keep the trousers from being touched by anyone or anything, see if it's possible for you to change out of it, then bring that trousers/garment to the authorities. There's fingerprints on it.

Getting sexually assaulted is the worst when you are overseas. Had an incident happen to me in Thailand also... I was at the BKK Airport and I stepped away from my boyfriend and his parents to take a look at our departure info at those TV screens. The place was quite crowded, but not to the point where you gotta keep evading people as you walk. So I spent like a good 20 seconds looking for our flight when I felt this body just slam really hard against my back. I felt the touch from my ass, back and all. I thought it was just some really honest mistake like someone didn't see me there and just walked into me. I was in shock for a few seconds and didn't move. And that body was STILL touching me. Turned around, it was a middle-aged indian man just staring at me with a smug look on his face. He didn't move at all. I just instinctively moved aside and he continued walking to the departure info TV screens (with his friend. he was not alone on this). I didn't do anything at that point of time since I wasn't feeling well, the in-laws were not feeling well from a stomach flu, and the boyfriend had a fever the night before. I casually mentioned it to my boyfriend and just told him how pissed I was that it happened. What am I supposed to do? Find him in the sea of people at the airport? My in-laws and bf are already feeling like shit, and I didn't want to add anything more to the problem. When we came back, we both tio covid and I spent a good amount of time lying in bed thinking about the incident. For more context, I wasn't even wearing anything revealing. I was wearing my uniqlo plain dress. I'm not that 'good looking' either. I'm obese. It just so happened I was alone for a minute because and that fucker took the opportunity. I'm more angry than disgusted because I know he's just gonna do it to some other girl in the future, and I didn't get a chance to call him out or snap a photo of his smug look and share it on the internet for some vengeance. I don't blame my boyfriend for not doing anything because he was fighting the covid symptoms and we had to take care of his parents who were already feeling like shit. I felt angry at myself for not doing anything at that moment and it took me a few months to get some form of closure. Thank you alison and sherms for both sharing your experiences. It isn't easy to recall something traumatic that happened. I hope that more people are aware of how these sexual assaults/harassment can happen to ANYONE. No matter your age, size, looks, what you are wearing. And that when you see it happen, call it out, help the girl out. Sometimes, we are too shocked and immobilized at the situation to do anything, and someone else stepping in can help ground us back and help us find what next step we can take.

So sorry to hear what both of u had to go through🥺 I hope that with time you will eventually heal from those unfortunate encounters, sending u all the love💕

Alison got into character for the singaporean idol part so quickly

32:15 YES Jared is right, sexual assault first response is to provide the survivor with knowledge/information about options available to them, and empower them to make their own choices. there is no one "right" way a survivor needs to take action, it is whatever feels right TO THEM.

Thank you Alison for the courageous share. Speaking up = Awareness. Awareness = Prevention.

Re: the discussion at the end on what would be the right response if a loved one or a friend tells you that she's been sexually harassed/assaulted but the event is unwitnessed, I think that personally I might not find a "problem-solution" approach to be that helpful. There may be a myriad of reasonable, rational things that could or should be done in those situations but taking the time to be there for your loved one and giving them the space to feel safe again would be the paramount priority for me. Practical solutions can come later.

@deathdragonslayer1

Жыл бұрын

While you and the victim take time to brainstorm for practical solutions, the real culprit is laughing away scott free🤦‍♂

I nearly was raped in the school toilet (it was a very ulu toilet and it was exam period so not a lot of ppl in school) when I was back in sec 2 and he was sec 4… I kept on pushing him away in the cubicle but he literally was forcing himself on me…. He literally took all my clothings off already… Luckily the cleaner came in on time to take some cleaning stuffs, and he stopped and looked at me and hand signalled me to keep quiet… and the audacity to text me right after the incident that “we should do this 2 years later”.. dude didn’t know how physically and emotionally dirty I felt right after that for years… back then I was still young so I didn’t know that he was actually wanting to rape me in school until when I grew a bit older… 😢😢😢 so yeah true story though 😢😢😢

@madelynn_18

Жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry for you :( I'm glad you didn't get raped in the end and I hope you have been having the right measures to overcome this trauma

omg so sad to hear Alison's story, can really tell from her voice she's traumatised by that. Luckily my bf was very supportive and protective for me whenever I have problem! Alison and Sherms deserves better guy!!!! I feel like whenever people telling you this kind of incidents the things they want to hear is Are you okay ? It's not about the solutions. If they chose to tell you what happen means they trusted you as their closure. Nice episode!!

The Muttons impression was amazing

Jared…everyone needs to take a masterclass in EQ from this dude haha.

Please share which part of Thailand and tour group or elephant ride organization it is so that people can be aware and avoid it. Comments in trip advisor and google reviews will help too!

Have commented this before: Among the many interpetations of the “believe women” slogan, the most helpful one that I’ve come across is to not reflexively disbelieve a potential victim that comes forward about an alleged crime, take the time to sift through the evidence. Even if you are not in the position to investigate, while deferring to the appropriate authorities, even just emotional support is plenty of good. And for anyone that may not have immediate contacts to confide in, the SPF runs a victim care cadre of volunteers that provide emotional support throughout the time that the police investigation may be ongoing. If you choose not to go to the police, then Samaritans of Singapore are available 24/7 at 1-767

10/10 impersonation from allison fking on point

lol, allison's impression of ken lim was so good ahah

I personally think there are many ways the partner can do rather than “what do you want me to do?” attitude. Sexual assault is an incident no one wants it upon themselves similarly to being robbed. Do we then asked the person who was robbed, what do you want me to do? Money was taken and the person appears fine. It reflects how much empathy one can have in an uncalled situation. Don’t know what to do? Call police straight away! Even if the victim may not remember the description at least the victim is assured that he/she is in a safer environment. We don’t go to a person who is robbed and says, tell me what to do! Hence, I think Jon Paul should actually prepare himself before speaking publicly. You can easily affirm and encourage men who thinks, “Ya lor I don’t know what to do and that’s okay!” kind of attitude. Why are we lowering our expectations for men? Many teenagers may be watching this and this is a good reminder that every media exerts a power of influence. They should apologise to the ladies in the podcast for being making fun of their experiences. One may think the intention is out of fun, similar to every sarcastic remarks, words have power. This is the perpetually the reason why girls don’t speak up! Were you listening to the Alison and Shers? PS: For those who wants to rebut what I have wrote, my question is then, have you been sexually assaulted? If no, then don’t comment. :)

@deathdragonslayer1

Жыл бұрын

Are you a cat? Can you tell me what is like to be a cat? You wanna blame your male friends but not understand from their perspective. They did not witness the crime yet you women wanna associate the crime that took place with their actions or lack thereoff. While you cry like an entitled princess, the real culprit is laughing away scott free🤦‍♂

thing is, there's a possibility that if and when a person gets away with doing something, there's a chance that they will do it again and they might even up the intensinty / severity of what they did. it's important to voice up, not because you want to hurt the person that wronged you, but to have the person reprimanded/punished/jailed accordingly to prevent other people from becoming potential victims. and also because there's this thing called : Statute of Limitations, which is a terminology used in law, the statute of limitations, is a law that sets the maximum amount of time that parties involved in a dispute have to initiate legal proceedings from the date of an alleged offense, whether civil or criminal. The length of time the statute allows for a victim to bring legal action against the suspected wrong-doer can vary based on the jurisdiction and the nature of the offense. in short it basically means that you can't take someone to court in Singapore 5~6 years after the crime was comitted as the statute of limitation has expired for said allegation/case

@mirandab2831

Жыл бұрын

There is no statute of limitations for criminal case in Singapore.

@HitotsunoTsubasa

Жыл бұрын

@@mirandab2831 yeah, was reading up and saw 6 years was for debt but all other criminal cases have no statue of limitations, still imho I feel that it'll be harder to built a case against the perpetrator the longer you take to report.

I'm so glad Shermane and Alison broke up with their ex bfs.

I can totally relate to the girls. I’m sorry that you have to go through these episodes. It is tough for one to be rational when the incident happened because the body just goes into shock mode. A stranger brushed my chest when he was alighting a bus stop before mine. I was processing the whole incident and when the bus was moving, the perpetrator looked at me. It was at that moment that I realized it was outrage of modesty. There was nothing I could do. So since then, I became more aware to protect myself by folding my arms or placing my bag in front of me. It is sad to see how many individuals are out there to leave a horrible or traumatic experiences on others. Be kind. If you were to hear such experiences from others, show care and concern. Be there for them. Asking them what to do is not the best as the victims may be in a shock state. I hope TDK can do a follow up with an expert panel so that everyone can be aware what can be done for the victim, bystanders and victim’s support system when incidents happen. This way, we will be more prepared.

the 20mins mark 1. outrage of modesty of a woman 2. obscene act in a public place In the moment people are usually gobsmacked at what has happened. However, if you can recollect yourself, try snap the suspect photo. snap what happened. Bring it to police. even in MRT there are plenty of cameras. they will have to get out somewhere

East West line is the worst. I got molested using that line as well. Followed the perpetrator and alerted the station master. The guy managed to escape. 😡 Filed police report. It’s outrage of modesty,OM, as a police case. 🙄

@lemon2524

Жыл бұрын

It's wild.

the way the guys joked about the girls experiences were not nice...

@jawbeater

Жыл бұрын

Which specific "girl experiences" did u feel its not nice? Stop being so extra sensitive to everything. They reacted maturely. They listened, and know those SA and SH action is wrong and they condone it

@atatur123

Жыл бұрын

@@jawbeater 34:30 A very "mature reaction" indeed. Next time your loved one kena SA, you can try similar joke. I'm sure it'll go great 👍

@tanchormay6447

Жыл бұрын

I agree with you completely, but this is also a light-hearted podcast, so i guess they were trying their hardest to keep it fun.😅

@grys9245

Жыл бұрын

“Stop being so extra sensitive” is ironically a rather reactive statement lol…

while it is common for women to get harassed and assaulted, we also need to know that children (pedophile) and men (homosexual) can be victims of these too.

Accusation is just that. Nothing more nothing less.

Whether how, should leave it to the experts ie Police. Do not think that there is nothing that can be done.

27:06 Daniel sounded like he was in the police for NS.

hope john come back once in every episode..

Ken Lim, from the very beginning of the Singapore Idol Seried, already had many viewers commented that he has the " Chie Ko Piak" looks. Wow, how true were the public observations? It's finally proven and and over so many years and at his recording office. Majority of those being molested have yet to come forward to due him. Pity his 😢family and his 2 sons 😢😢. He must be punished by the rules

I think the most important thing is to remove emotions when facing such incidents. We keep falling into a very bad habit of victim shaming of “why didn’t you report” when the important thing is to ask how are you feeling and be there for them. And the advice of giving them choices is so impt. Their mind is a mess so give them directions.

@deathdragonslayer1

Жыл бұрын

"How are you feeling" isn't going to catch the perpetrator who could potentially go on and have more victims. C'mon man.

LOL put a post stick note on it 😂

ALISON AS KEN PLS 😭😭😭

Question, what will everyone say if ken Lee was found to be NOT GUILTY. I thought we all agreed that it's innocent until proven guilty or am I the only one who's still thinking straight?

is the tone

jon paul total exhibits all the red flags you should avoid in a guy

@user-od3oj7it5n

Жыл бұрын

MAJOR...

Ken leeeeeee ken leeeeee with out you ..... Ken leeeeeeeee Ken leeeeeeeee and ni moreeeeee

Alison really channeled Ken Lim sia!

always thought he looked sus af, guess I was right

Getting sexually assaulted on an elephant. Well, that's something you don't hear everyday.

that guy with green jacket ... voice is meh

find it very reletable for ladies out there, I remember when I was around five or six, I was at Chong Pang, Yishun, an uncle walked beside me and kept on touching my shoulder which my mom saw and scolded this guy. then when I was around 16/18 at that point I wasn't feeling well as since when I was 16 till even now, I have constant bad headache and dizziness, so I saw this guy grouped my breast, I immediately yelled to my mom that this guy molested me as at that point the mall was over crowded very squeezy but saw very clearly the way he touched my breast, my mom immediately hit the guy with her bag real hard, so the guy's wife yelled, what's wrong why hit my husband, my mom responded as "this guy grouped my daughter's breast" the wife immediately apologised, hit her husband and quickly walked away while twisting his ear.

I can imagine that molestations and sexual assaults almost always happen covertly and away from the public eye. It is our personal responsibility to comfort and protect the victim and demand evidence.

Liquid paper wtf

He was accused of because of his Cheeko spectacle.

Something will come out of that, if you report. Why? What if, the stranger did to others.... oh he became bolder and next is rape someone ... etc... lesson... freeze at the moment sure. But, tell someone, and than, report. Especially nowadays, so much cctv in sg. High chance can catch.

why is it only females experience such stuff? why would guys begin such act in the first place?

I think if you are ever sexually assulted.. like legit confirm plus chop kenna right, firstly im sorry that happened but secondly please please please go and report. Why? Cus YOU OWE IT to the next person to report it. Ive read it somewhere that most people who are caught committing sexual assult HAVE DONE IT BEFORE and WILL DO IT AGAIN if they are not apprehended. And mad kudos to fella for asking exactly what yall girls want guys to do if shit like this happens.

hearing allison's story, it's so hard to be a woman.. genuinely just grateful to be born a male sometimes

JP, don't be a dick by undermining how Shermane felt and trying to defend the ex boyfriend. The obvious thing to do is to ask if she's OK. Jared's response was much more mature snd did not make light of the situation. Kudos to both Shermane and Alison for sharing their stories, i wish the others on this podcast could have come out more strongly that what the girls faced was wrong without making a joke out of it.

accusations mean nothing nowadays.

@Lithium_GI

Жыл бұрын

It shouldn’t… i only wanna hear if convicted… accused i dont really care

Jon, how can you say you didn’t see it so you can’t doing anything to the perpetrator? Isn’t enough that your female friend told you that she has been sexually assaulted? Your response shows that you don’t believe her and you have no guts to stand up for her.

I Ken Lim If Monica Chen is without you I Ken Lim I ken lim anymore Lim liao anyhow sotong hand.

Why so much like like like?

@JuzNicky

Жыл бұрын

Like ... Um you know... Right? Ok

leaf sum komens

Wax her wut??!!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😅😅

quite sad that people is so quick to pass judgement based on an allegation.. what happened to innocent till proven guilty? anyway is john paul wearing a patek nautilus?!

A lot of girls I know don't like their man get too violent when it comes to sexual assault. Most of the time they tell you when things happen and hope there is a civil way to deal with the situation to see the culprit get punished but gently. And in most situation its either call out the guy (and risk escalating to potential murder) or call the authority which isn't able to do anything w/o prove .... you rarely ever see they clap and cheer for you when you knock that guy unconscious and keep pounding on his bloodied face especially if you are the bf, she will only see and think that is the true you, a domestic demon that would one day beat her up just like you did with this guy. Which is why in this kind of situation you kinda hope that the place you go maybe under gangster protection, usually like club or concert this kind of place the owner pay protection to care for the safety of their business. Complaining to the owner may not always work, but if they did pay protection fee they will have their men weed this guy out and deal with him at the back alley and justice can be serve in a more discreet.

FIRST

Algoooooooooooooooooooooo

LOL jon Paul damn funny sia

They both had beta male boyfriends who were weak & pathetic "men". Period. That's all there is to it.

@slayer-dj3dc

Жыл бұрын

what

Women are getting powerful nowadays. One allegation and a man's life is ruined forever. If she is found to be lying, there is no accountability, charge, or lifting of a gag order. So much for equality.