Narcissistic abuse is character assassination. It takes a long time to find yourself again.

@erinward2983

2 ай бұрын

You do lose yourself. A lot of the loss takes place over a period of time, so you don't necessarily see it while it's happening. That's when it takes a long time to recreate yourself into the person you knew you were somewhere within all along. I'm not there. It's a long road for sure.

@yuu_miran

2 ай бұрын

They are soul killers

@beverlyadams7205

2 ай бұрын

@@erinward2983 inner child work is what is saving me. Good luck to you!❤

@gerdine355

2 ай бұрын

​@@erinward2983Absolutely! I had completely lost myself. I am an extrovert by nature, but I became very shy. I felt that something was wrong but I didn't understand it. I am so happy that I have found myself again. I am not there yet, I still have to get to know myself (and i have still trauma responses). I still don't know what I really like to do, etc. For me the process has been going on for 37 years. I hope you will find yourself as soon as possible (although that does indeed take time). But in the end it is about being authentic and completely ourselves!

@gerdine355

2 ай бұрын

​@@yuu_miranSo true!!

You’re losing yourself in a narcissistic relationship, when you stop doing all of the things you used to love. You’re not the person you used to be. You think differently. You hold more negative emotions and beliefs about yourself, other people and the world around you. You’re isolating yourself. You no longer spend time with family members or friends. Your life is nothing like it used to be, before you met the narcissist. The crazy thing is that they will often blame you for that too, and use it to support their false narrative about you.

@rdblal05

2 ай бұрын

Yes! Ans the million dollsr question..."why cant things go back to like it used to be?"

@AllisonGolightly

2 ай бұрын

Exactly!! This is EXACTLY what it is like. And yeah. It's like... it's nice to know I'm not alone, but it's really really sad to realize we all went through the same hell experience 😞

@dk5755

2 ай бұрын

Yes!!! And then the narc has one more fault of yours to point out. “You’re always so negative!”

@user-lu7np4cg1t

2 ай бұрын

nailed it

@neveragain733

2 ай бұрын

18 months later my nervous system is still shot. Constant depression and anxiety. We had plans for my retirement years. In 90 days I will retire. Mind, body, health, dreams of the future all gone. Nothing left but a broken me. The gaslighting was non stop for years.

When you are in a narcissistic relationship, it’s like you’re constantly living in their shadow, becoming an extension of them. You end up feeling like you’re just there to fulfill their needs, overlooking your own. You begin to not know who you are anymore becoming a shell of your former self.

@beverlyadams7205

2 ай бұрын

I felt like a servant or a personal maid when I was living with my daughter. 16 months ago, I had had it. I haven’t seen her or talked to her since. There’s a part of me that has come forth that has not been touched by narcissism, that is strong and able to take care of me. This is my inner child.

@melissalund4564

2 ай бұрын

You are so right. Absolutely everything has to be done to suit their book. There is, quite simply, no time or space for you.

@user-jh4kx4cl6n

Ай бұрын

Well said and true. I was even told I wasn't submissive enough to please him.

A sign your losing yourself is, when it's raining everyday even when it's sunny.

@bingoandtoto

2 ай бұрын

Oh….this is just like how I felt when I was stuck in the relationship with narc family. When I was eaten by them

Gardening is my therapy and my spiritual enrichment. My narc husband often came out to the garden to do all the things narcs do to destroy you and have power and control in the relationship. When he died, I became one of the founding members of our county's Master Gardener program.

I was raised by malignant narcissists. That set me up for a string of relationships with covert narcissists. After 8 years of marriage to the last one, I bought an rv with the little bit of money I could get hold of, and moved to the other side of the country for a job that lets me save money. I'm going to take a class on medical coding so I can take care of myself. I am 54, and I worked as a paramedic for 18 years. He decided I was useless when I couldn't work anymore because of long Covid, neglected me and started cheating. Now I feel so much better, and I'm sleeping well for the first time in my life. I finally understand why I attracted those people and I will NEVER do it again.

@user-mp7le7ce8n

2 ай бұрын

Well Done ❤

@gerryberg5466

Ай бұрын

Good for you! If he was a narcissist, he was probably cheating on you in some way all along.

This is so very subtle that it's frightening. You actually start to believe them.

Married into a religious cult for 14 years. Almost became homeless with 5 children. Found a house and a job in a week with the help of some awesome people. Now graduating with a BA in psychology and working towards my PhD. Just keep going one step at a time, you can do it. It’s never too late. Thank you Dr. Ramani. I love you and your work 😊🙏🏻😊

@ayshaullah8420

2 ай бұрын

🙏🏻💜

@Raquel2U

2 ай бұрын

That is amazing. Congrats to you!🎉

@an6373

2 ай бұрын

@@Raquel2U Thank you Raquel🙂

@chanteynk7324

2 ай бұрын

Congrats dear, this is amazing!!!!

@an6373

2 ай бұрын

@@chanteynk7324 Thank you! 🙏🏻

I am sitting outside at a Women’s shelter -my Narc is violent. I gave him too many chances, I am exhausted. His almost 50 acting like a 14. No self control no discipline and No accountability. 😢

@mischana36

2 ай бұрын

So sorry to hear this about you!! I’m currently homeless for a bit because my narc spouse filed a bogus restraining order against ME to get me out our house smh I’m praying for you🙏🏽

@robinantonio8870

2 ай бұрын

​@@mischana36yep,narcs love to do that. They are a great weapon for narcs because the courts just automatically believe them

@hollyblumenthal8492

2 ай бұрын

Hang in there. I've been where you are. You can do this. Be kind to yourself. It takes time and some big leaps of faith and a lot of baby steps. Take care. 🦋♥️🦋

@beverlyadams7205

2 ай бұрын

My heart goes out to you. I hope that you find the help that you need with housing and moral Support and any other needs you have. My hope is the shelter people will be able to point you in the right direction as far as agencies that can assist you. Good luck to you now and forever.❤

@ayshaullah8420

2 ай бұрын

Thank you to everyone’s for your kind words. Thank you 🙏🏻 I started getting help.

9:43 never clip your wings for another human being. Love means letting someone soar. Limiting another human being in any other way is abuse.

@erinward2983

2 ай бұрын

These were all so very well said. It’s true. My parent did it all to me. I didn’t know it was abuse. I had no idea what was happening. Now that I know, I’m still grappling with profound grief and those around me are far from supportive, so it feels lonely trying to heal. It’s imperative to have people who recognize we need support and compassion so we can move forward and grow. That’s why I watch these and read the comments. Anyone who impedes the healing process of another has narcissistic traits themselves or are realizing that they too have experienced similar trauma and maybe they aren’t quite ready to face it. I don’t know. But it’s a lonely and difficult path.

When I met my narc 36 years ago I was embarking on a career in Hotel and Restaurant Management. He came to the Restaurant where I was working and persuaded me to quit saying he would pay me my wages. I abandoned my dreams of success to help him build his business, working hard, daily taking my children into work, breastfeeding my babies while at work. Now, I just filed for Dvorce and he says that all the money and success from the Business I helped him build for the last 30 years, is all due to him. Am 65 years old now, living in a Womens Refuge and feel its too late for me to build anything for myself so late in my life. He has turned 4 of my 5 children against me. Feel so devastated and alone. 😢

@UteNagel

2 ай бұрын

I'm so sorry! I know how you feel! It is really sad! Please don't give up! 🥰

@madge2114

2 ай бұрын

Every once in awhile someone does a study proving that if your husband had to pay outside help to do all the work you provided for free, and with such personal attention to detail, it would have easily cost him more tha half a million $US per year. And more if you are as smart as you sound.

@carom6879

2 ай бұрын

❤

@debmc369

2 ай бұрын

You will and can make a new life for yourself. Even at our age ( I'm 65 too !)

@Raquel2U

2 ай бұрын

I am so sorry but know that you are not alone in this community here. You are in my prayers. Please keep your head up and stay strong. I promise you it’s get better, one day at a time.

They stole my dreams by ruining my reputation.

Two years ago I blocked him. I walked away lost confused, a shell of myself. Just days later I found your videos. Found the pattern of narcissistic relationships throughout my adulthood, all the way back to my mother. I’ve worked hard to heal since then. You helped me so much! Today, I live happily alone, got the promotion I dreamed of with the salary I desperately needed, rediscovered I love to paint, and do exactly as I please without a narcissist in sight. My recovery is proof that you speak truth and your wisdom can lead to healing. I did the work. You showed me the way. Thank you Dr. Ramani! If you are struggling today, only just starting your healing journey, you have found the right place. It takes time and struggle but you will heal. I am truly happy for the first time in my life and I owe much of that to the things I’ve learned on this channel.❤

@jennygrim2057

2 ай бұрын

Good for you! ❤❤

@trasijohnson6417

2 ай бұрын

Thanks so much! ❤

@Raquel2U

2 ай бұрын

So happy for you. Be good to yourself always!

@trasijohnson6417

2 ай бұрын

@@Raquel2U Thank you ❤

How I have been healing from my narcissistic daughters abuse is by letting my inner child come forth for the first time in my life. She is wise, and funny, and a great companion to me. For 73 years, she was silenced by one narcissist after another. Now she is free and so am I.❤

You're losing yourself when you have one ounce of hope the narcissist will change.

I am free of my covert narcissist wife of 10yrs no more gas lighting no more blame shifting no more lies no more helping to support her grown daughter who lived with us for free.....but yet I'm hurting I'm confused I'm lonely and I still love this woman. I know in my head and in my heart I will get and do better with healing but it hurts so much...and I'm the man I'm not supposed to be having or showing these emotions. The hardest part is my wife plays it off asif all this the separation the coming divorce has no real meaning...but then again I'm learning more and more everyday our marriage didn't have real meaning to her. Stay strong everyone there are and will be better days to come. Walk through each minute each hour each day....one step at a time....God Bless

@Raquel2U

2 ай бұрын

I can completely relate. It gets easier, one day at a time. Keep you head up and know your worth.

I realize leaving may be the one way for me to stop drinking alcohol. I quit but go back when I get triggered. And she's the only thing that triggers me since deciding to quit drinking. Another way to stay away from alcohol is for me to not get triggered. Man, these videos help more than I can say.

@sara-dx3ix

2 ай бұрын

I hear you. I have a similar problem it's hard to work on when you're living with them.

Married to a narcissist I got ill so suddenly, vampire , it is a long journey to health, but I am safe back with parents, I give back to them, being their company, 90 year old and 87 years old. My parents are wise and fun. Ex-husband narcissist is a demonic hell of the death. Prayers Psalm 1-150🙏👑🇯🇲👋

I wanted to have a party for my 60th and he said well I’m not going to help you. And true to his word he did f all. I had to clean the house prepare the food, set up the tables, sort the music, get drinks and serve everyone while he sat in his chair. I was so embarrassed for now my friends know that my husband doesn’t love me. I was also left to clean up afterwards. And all the time I was so sad and thought I must be the most unloveable person on the planet.

@sandraursenbacher3222

Ай бұрын

You are lovable and its great you did the party anyway. If there is anyone who should be embarrassed it should be him !

@Howdy444

28 күн бұрын

Logically, who do you think your guests were judging negatively. The lovely lady who hosted an amazing party single-handedly💪, or the lazy couch potato who did f all on her birthday? 👎 Start doing what you want despite what he says, take the initiative without waiting for his imput, it will give you back your confidence over time

About the “later in life” thing-When my ex first left, I was so relieved; and yet I felt so old. I had so little time left! That was three years ago. Now I’m 63 and I find that as I get more mental and emotional bandwidth and engage more with projects I abandoned years ago, I start to realize that 63 is not that old! And while there is no time like the present, I have plenty of time to do at least some of the things I still want to do. Hang in there!

@yvonnebertrand3731

2 ай бұрын

I understand what you are saying about time. My ex covert narcissist left 4 years ago this May. I am now also 63, looking ahead through the lens of peace and clarity makes life worth living.

I put my life on hold to take care of my mother though I went back to college at the late stage of 40,only to be told I was too old to employ. Then when my mother passed away,my family tried to take away the small house she had left,telling me it was separate from my mum's house. I was to sell it along with the main house and accept what they gave me. For the first time,I dug my heels in and said no,if they wanted me to sell with them(to get a better price on the house for them) then 😊😊they had to offer me an actual decent price beforehand to allow me to buy a house for myself. They didn't because they wanted me to move to a small apartment so they could have more. They bullied and harassed me but I stood firm. I'm still living in my small one bedroomed house and I'm quite happy with myself. I've retired and taken up bowling which I love. I also had to get rid of a lot of friends who also did not respect me. There are times I still feel guilty that I'm not working but I'm getting better! There was a lot more bullying and abuse in my life but this one thing moved me forward so much!😊

Exhaustion is real.

The narcissists are bullies. I worked for 40 years and even now without my Narc Husband living with my dogs and I, it is difficult trying to have discussions with others after a life with a Narcissist.

I gave up sex, closeness, emotional support, a partner that loves me, a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment in my life, my ability to love somebody back, and mostly I gave up my dreams. My narcissist stole everything from me. My success story is I’m working on my divorce. When you see them, you can’t put them back or ignore what’s happening anymore

@mariatiraski2

2 ай бұрын

Amen !

My background with narcissists includes narcissistic parents, followed by a 27 year narcissistic marriage, which ended in 2015. My mom passed away last November. My grief journey since her death has actually been a healing journey. My successes include finally allowing myself to view my childhood with compassion for myself. I'm learning to call out my own perfectionist tendencies and lighten up on myself and others. I'm recognizing my need to cry and allowing myself to do so. I've decided to stop seeing myself as glue to hold anyone else together and own that it's not my job, nor my right, to try to hold anyone else together. I'm beginning to exercise, this time for me, not to lower the weight on the scale, but to reduce the burden in my soul. I'm playing the piano again....not to become the concert pianist ordained by my father, but to find joy in the fact that it's actually okay for me to be good at something just for my own well being. I've played around with watercolor painting, enough to realize my childhood dream of becoming a painter is no longer a dream I hold, and I can let it go without guilt or sense of personal betrayal. I have learned I can try things and not be required to be good at them. I can just play and enjoy life without having to be productive. I have learned that I made mistakes in parenting, but I also did some things really well, like giving my kids a sense of stability when my narcissistic ex inlaws where having a field day smearing me after my ex's profile was exposed on Ashley Madison, the cheater's website. My wins are not earth shattering, but significant to me. I have found days filled with peace, and sometimes even joy in doing simple things like hiking, something I forgot I liked. I am grateful for this video today. It resonated deeply with my soul and I cried for joy that it echoed something deep inside of me that needed to be put to words. You provided those words, Dr. Ramani. Thank you for helping me to heal.❤

I received a writing accolade as a teenager, and my narcissistic (people who brought me up) was enraged because I was RECONGIZED while THEY WEREN'T. I don't remember much else about that memory, but their disinterest was revolting to me. Instead of nurturing my writing, they took everything away except for school assignments and my journals, anything that held importance to me. The joke is on them-I still write because it's my number one coping mechanism. Despite their efforts, they never broke me from writing. 😁😁😁😁

@redlikewineagain697

2 ай бұрын

Wow. That's so terrible. I'm glad you still write, even if it's for your own satisfaction. But I do hope one day you venture out and do something with your writing. This is a perfect example of lost potential. Maybe even join a writing club and learn how to get published. Good luck to you♥

@kryssysmith1486

2 ай бұрын

@@redlikewineagain697 Oh, trust me, I've been formulating a plan, but I don't want to say too much until it comes to fruition.

@GellaHumbug59

2 ай бұрын

@kryssysmith1486 I feel happy, empowered and inspired after reading your comment. Thank you for not stopping writing! 🌺

@kryssysmith1486

2 ай бұрын

@@GellaHumbug59 You're welcome my dear. Keep doing you. NO ONE can stop you. 😁😁😁😁

@kryssysmith1486

2 ай бұрын

@@redlikewineagain697 Oh, trust me, I've been formulating a plan, but I don't want to say too much until it comes to fruition.

Continual gaslighting slowly stole my reality, confidence & health until I saw it for what it is.

I was married for 37 years to a classic narcissist and by the time I left I was so broken that I thought I was losing my mind. That’s when I KNEW I had to leave to save myself. It has been a long road back to being able to know my worth! I’m just beginning to take initiative and step out and believe in myself! God Bless you and your work Doctor!

The confusion you experience while with a covert narcissist is indescribable. I've had boyfriends that were abusive but it's just so different. CN are so convincing that not only will the things they do break your heart but it completely throws u off because it's something u can't even picture them doing. If that makes sense. They make u believe they are a certain kind of person not capable of doing the things that your ex's did or what would hurt u most. That's what's so confusing then they blame u somehow because it's always your fault. I have been with a covert narcissist for 10yrs. No matter how many times I have been through the cycle or seen him rage I still can't picture it when he is love bombing me. Its the craziest thing. I guess everyone is different but for me the constant state of confusion is the absolute worst and most abusive part. But there are plenty other ways they abuse their partners… Withholding and silent treatment. You feel like your going to explode inside. Mine does this so I freak out and then he can blame me for the argument. Physically abusive. When a CN feels trapped they will do anything they can to regain that power and control. Or take something from you what u won't give them. Sexually abusive. Blaming u for watching porn, sex shaming u, withholding sex, having sex with u while your asleep. Blaming you for everything. Blaming you for having to blame you! Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

@erinward2983

2 ай бұрын

I relate to the astronomical amount of confusion. I was raised by a malignant narcissist. He did so many things to hold onto me, use me, and control me. He got me into states of trauma before he gaslighted and rendered me incapable of trusting my own experience of my life and the world. He isolated me from my sisters to have time alone with me. He used that time to begin an indoctrination process. He built a false sense of safety and trust that he played on and he gaslighted me into oblivion. I didn't trust my own judgement or instincts. I didn't even trust my own experiences. I had to go to him before I knew how I felt about anything. It was crazy. It lasted for decades. I was 39 when I realized who he really was. He clearly enjoyed abusing me. It was a mind ****.

Happy Easter, everyone!

@karenlumpkin2918

2 ай бұрын

Thank you❤. Happy Easter to you😊.

@nicholecornes1915

2 ай бұрын

Thank you you too❤

@Melly16yr10

2 ай бұрын

Happy Easter 🐰🐣 to you as well 😊

28 years married, 1 year lovebombing, 27 years isolated, limited, gaslit, character destroyed by self doubt….trying now to find myself again, the ruminating getting less…what a waste of

@Raquel2U

2 ай бұрын

You are not alone here. Stay focused at learn to love you.

After nearly 30 years of getting out of a narcissistic abusive relationship I decided to start dating again. I have been beat up and torn up and I think emotionally so lost. Thinking it was so easy just because of all I had to offer that someone would love me was such a huge mistake. I’ve always been alone I’ve always braved through everything and survived. I left a toxic job last year and a toxic state I got rid of everything I owned and moved to another state and another city to start all over. Write down the rabbit hole with a relationship with someone who has never been married and has no attention And struggling to let that go or learn if he really is using me. My journey has been amazing and so painful at the same time. I started my own online business I still have a job I work remotely. But I am so lost and it seems there’s one small piece of puzzle that I just cannotfind. I’ve tried life coaching I’ve tried therapy and no one seems to be able to give me the answer. I’m so grateful to this community to this KZread channel as each day I explore and I learn and each day I cry less. Happy Easter and God bless all of you

Yes I lost everything, my family doesn't believe me. The father of my daughters talks bad about me to my daughters. What else I can do?;I only wish for the truth comes out. Only God knows all the experiences I have in my life, all the tears because I didn't know how to handle gaslighting and other unfair situations. Thank you so much Dr Armani, blessings to everyone 🙏

@daisy7066

2 ай бұрын

Ask them to go to family therapy (!)

@jennygrim2057

2 ай бұрын

Bless you! ❤

@marigoldmirror5194

2 ай бұрын

I believe you… I escaped just months ago… I’m in counseling and seeing much clearer … therapy helps

My professional life saved me. It also, upon reflection, provided the most clear evidence of how I was being impacted by the roller coaster ride of my relationship. Ending up at retirement age without any financial resources because of how much chaos had been thrown into my life, my children’s lives too. It’s hard to imagine how much different it could’ve been. In fact, I refuse to waste my time now pondering on that thought. Live your lives. Stay safe and healthy. Find your niche, chase your dreams. Don’t look back.

10 years with a covert narcissist, 4 years since he left and I thank God every day that I have my sanity and peace in my life. I truly feel sorry for his new supply. Such a waste of precious time. These types of people are the worst of humanity.

I Literally Eventually Ended Up Drained I Have A Very Low Self Work Self Confidence Self Esteem After The Narcissist Destroyed Me I’m Experiencing Panic Attacks My Only Comfort Is Self Isolating.

@beverlyadams7205

2 ай бұрын

After I stopped seeing my narcissistic daughter 16 months ago, I decided I couldn’t trust anyone again. I stayed by myself most of the time, journaling, and exploring, who I am without abuse on the daily. This alone time has been wonderful for me. I have learned I don’t have to have anyone else in my life to feel complete, I’m sure there will come a time when I reach out, but this time has not come yet. Good luck to you.

@demigaines5644

2 ай бұрын

@beverlyadams7205 Thank you So Very Much For Sharing This ❤️

@beverlyadams7205

2 ай бұрын

@@demigaines5644 you are quite welcome no one, absolutely no one, has the right to abuse me. Even if my family vilifies me for making the choice to step away from my abusive daughter. They want me to continue to take her abuse and find a way to deal with it. no more. Never again.

@user-sj4hn7jo9d

2 ай бұрын

Same You are not alone ❤

@akazinsomniac3007

2 ай бұрын

Ha I'm sitting in my bathroom while reading this.

I have just left a 14 year narcissistic relationship, but I didn’t realise it was narcissistic until recently, thanks to Dr Ramani. I am now on my healing journey & last night for the first time in years I actually felt physically and mentally lighter. Thank you Dr Ramani and your team ❤

I am SO GRATEFUL for you. ❤ 😢

I came from a narcissistic family. They wouldn't let me be me. I had to be what everyone wanted me to be. But how can anyone reach a goal to be a nothing. I wasn't told anything about having any goodness or intelligence in me. I had to take an IQ test years ago to get a certain government job. I was well above average. I felt like the gov. felt bad & cheated for me. I didn't tell my family because I didn't think they would believe me or try to stop me from getting the job. It's been a struggle, but I'm hanging in there. I've gone no contact from what I call DNA relatives instead of family. They broke me & JESUS CHRIST put me back together better than before! Thanks Doc!! This is an awesome video!!!

As a child all I ever wanted to do was be a ballerina. I was not allowed to because of money constraints and distance. The dream has started to play out with my granddaughter (3) . I now have an ankle fusion and life isn't great. The physio suggests exercise classes, one of which is ballet. I'm 70 now.....and I'm doing this even if it kills me! I have always practiced and can still get my leg up on the barre, touch the floor with the palm of my hands to which alot of ppl gasp. I've waited along time for this. And no one is going to stop me anymore. I've had a lifetime of ppl putting handbreaks on my dreams and visions. While they have done what they want and I had to wait. Waiting is officially over. Its now, now is the time ❤and I don't care about others thoughts criticism or anything else. 😊

The last day I saw her, I went to the ER w blood pressure 220/200, at risk of a stroke...since then, I've reconnected w my most cherished loved ones, gone to a comedy club, made new acquaintances, lost weight, learned a lot...I'm still struggling with heartache and grief, a bit stuck in the "what if's", but I just had a cup of chamomile mint tea and checked my BP, 134/85, best its been in years. You can't get the time back, but you can heal and get back to doing the things you love and reconnect w yourself.

… For years, I was consistently belittled, threatened & given ultimatums by my ex-wife when I made attempts to start businesses or rebuild my career… today, I’m 57 years old, broke, unemployed, and homeless… while she destroyed our marriage, destroyed our home, took my very young son away from me… today, she’s become a pathological liar, has purposely deleted key facts thus creating an alternate reality claiming that she left an “abusive relationship”.. she has moved on, has kept her career intact with a new divorced man with children of his own!… If only I could hear how they first met each other and the lies that they told each other!!!

I love your words of what you said before…. Narcissists Hijack your soul and honesty those words hit me like a ton of bricks because honestly they do they really do and it’s terrible and awful 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢. I am still trying to rebuild my soul 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢.

My story is like a death by a million papercuts. It is convoluted with such a depth of guilt shame and unbelievable hurt. I think i got it , and another moment raising like a piece of wood in a whirlpool. That i glance at it as a piece of me like im a downed tree. Then i remember im not that tree. Im so much more than those moments. I believe life is not poly anna life. That everything ends like a movie is a delusion . Life is not a movie. Radical acceptance is gut wrenching. It is as if i gave up on myself. But that is wrong. What i had to accept is that no matter what i choose to say or do. It will not morph people into decent human beings. This journey is not about others. Its about me, finding a way through my past in the present. Paying attention to my feelings and listening to these podcast and reading the book . I cannot afford counseling. But i can do my best to work through these past and present moments with knowledge i wish i had earlier. We all want to believe we are too smart to fall for the deceit in these relationships. Too smart does not guard you from someone whose rulebook had no defining rules. Im not some broken , defect human that has some limited supply of empathy. I still have empathy. What i am is caucious , is to let anyone into my life, trust or believe anything that anyone says. Every person that is not trustworthy isnt a narcassist. They are untrustworthy. We have every right to let in whom we choose. No one has a right to invade our privacy. Play games with our minds like we are just a going to go along because we believe them and are afraid of the ramifications of removing ourselves from a toxic game. What i get upset about is they manipulate us and our lives, and then walk away or get removed and come out smelling like a rose. I was raised to be kind, be helpful and they will in return do the same. Be good. They prey on that. They look for those attributes. As they know if they have enough time to manipulate they can hook us and then they have us. Then it gets worse. Every podcast and word i read . I am fortified by the reality. That tho im away from those relationships. With little to no support. As fear of defying the narcassist keeps people in some sort of dedication to the narcassist that is such a shame. Sad reality. Im not going to stop. I went years never telling my side. When i got courage to speak up . My words feelings were negated, ignored and was told i needed help. I needed to stop pushing people away by my truthtelling mumbo jumbo. What was true was i was going to the wrong people about the truth. Alot of people are not equipped to hear these truths. They were unequipped to hold place with my grief over my dads passing, they are unequipped to hold place with my truth of my Life. I hold such a huge sense of doing whats right , which as good a attribute , if in sight of a narcassist is a huge indication of possibilities for a narcassist supply. I went years trying to understand why is this pattern of me having them in my life. I had a bullseye target on me that they could see. I believing in honesty was a even better target for them. So getting back to my original self is not a option. I want to become better. Better at living, loving, removing toxic people from my life without a level if guilt that takes away my future. I will continue to truthtell, but with more discernment that not everyone wants it, and truthtell with empathy and keeping a part of myself. Valued, loved and cherished. I could go on for hours with stories of how , why, where’s of the convuluted mess i was left holding. I pray for all in the mist of being berated, endless deflecting games . As i know , how dark those moments can be. With the thought its hopeless. It is not. Arm yourself with the knowledge that is so graciously being given here.

When you can’t eat or sleep and have nightmares and can’t breath around them and literally vomit due to there presence and hyperventilate when they start in on you- you’re mind feels like is a zombie You realize you married a vampire! Thank you Dr Ramini for helping me realize what’s going on! I’m reading your book - It’s not you- you are a blessing g to me!

When I was younger and in flight school, my narcDad got a call from the owner telling him I was a virtuoso student, one of the fastest learners, even surpassing the top students of the past in that private airport where I was training. My narcDad's ego kicked in, he made some dumbass excuses about why I couldn't continue my flight training. Needless to say, my dream got shot down before it could take flight. Thanks... "dad".

I have felt gaslight for years almost 50 - my father and mother and sister are all narciccistic none of them love me - its easter and i feel so hurt my own father just hung up on me life is not easy - and its very hard to break free from it esp when its your family

@marisa9217

Ай бұрын

🤍

They don't have wings, so they clip ours. They don't have light, but they need it, so they steal it from us, but they can only keep it until we take it back... "Just remember, a dark shadow needs light to exist, but light does not need darkness to be luminous." -Gwen Hayes

@jennygrim2057

2 ай бұрын

Well said!😊❤

@moniquetammenga3468

2 ай бұрын

I like the poem from Gwen Hayes! 😏🌹🌺🦋

I will be forever grateful for healers like Dr. Ramani on YT. You were right on the money with this one. It was never going to be "my turn" with my toxic ex. Be careful who you love!

Thank you Dr. R! My chapter after my 23 years relationship, I'm in a place of self discovery. It's been an amazing adventure. I'm 57 and have been riding my motorcycle for 4 years. Loving every moment and adventure big and small. My last adventure I had was riding the southwest Canyons, 1500 mile trip nevada,AZ, and Utah. After that trip I feel like can do anything. So I am now starting a brand and I will be empowering women to do anything they want!!. I was told by my ex to not ride and keep my feet on the gound. Hahaha... watch and learn lil one, As he once would say to me. Lol This has been a 6 year journey so far. Its been tough at times, but I'm so much happier now. SO MUCH PEACE ❤ You have to be patient with yourself to heal. ❤

I have to remember ‘they need us more then we need them’ as my family tries to limit and minimize me to the point I forgot how capable I actually am. Taking steps daily regardless of them and taking myself back. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

Thanks for handing me my " scissors ".... tie cut, I'm better without the unnecessary weight. Thanks for the understanding and consistency. My story would be a bit long, but I'm better now!

It happened to me, I am not in a place to share, since I am recovering

You are so right Dr Ramani. That’s the thing I regret about my childhood. It was my mother’s ambition to try to squash, humiliate and sabotage my every move. However she did not succeed in diminishing my light entirely. I often wonder how different my life could have been if that light was loved and nurtured as a child.

My confidence had been stripped away so many times by so many mean people and their words. One example is that after I worked myself through college and paid for my degree myself I was so proud of my accomplishment. A narcissist stated my degree was simple and easy. It crushed me because I worked tirelessly to accomplish this goal. Another example happened when I opened up and told someone how hurt I was about what another cruel person said to me, they said I was too sensitive and that’s just how they are. Or the time I was told I was cheap, stupid, short, not a favorite aunt, to not put out a dessert because it wasn’t the right kind at a party and had to take it back home. I was told my sister was weird and so much more. I survived by knowing my truth and now understanding my feelings of despair were not abnormal and not dramatic. When my sister said I killed my mom by taking her to the hospital when the dr said to and then asked me why aren’t we close like we used to be I’m not ruminating over why I’m not close with my sister who said awful things to me. I have a right and I’m not going to let anyone tell me my feelings are wrong. I have self respect and can trust myself and will care for my soul from now on. There are mean people out there I will not spend my precious time with them. I will not allow my soul to be hurt anymore. And lastly when someone said you don’t know what yelling is…. I do know what kindness is. After expressing my deepest feelings of despair and insecurity and trying to express my needs I was told that I was needy and they too have needs and complaints that I was being selfish to think everything is about me and my needs. I still ponder if it is true all of that but striving to not pile on more doubts for my future. 😊

@victoryamartin9773

2 ай бұрын

While it may be their truth, it doesn't have to be yours. You're working thru the details of your hurts which is brave. Bravo to you! You will heal while they will go on holding you in contempt. You are not responsible for their reactions. Remember not to let them define you. God is the only one who has that right.

as i am getting my daily dose of your wisdom by video, i see your write-up in the NY times. delighted for you! the word is getting out. You are changing folks thinking!! do you understand how fantastic that is? Hope you are taking a proud victory walk. The book's reception is awesome, as anticipated, and it's true that living well (and thinking clearly) is the greatest revenge. Looking forward to the course for professionals you'll be offering!

Lost myself in a narcissist relationship because we always had to do the things he loved while he belittled the things I love. Slowly, I stopped engaging in my hobbies and started to feel empty. The whole relationship felt one-sided and empty. It's still taking some time for me to get back to "me." It's hard, and I'm not sure if I'll ever truly recover.

@shadeekamendez1743

Ай бұрын

You will recover

So true they are good at killing your dreams I was so excited to go back to school for dental hygiene after my first son was born but I was not aware that all the manipulation happening behind my back killed my excitement and always doubted myself I worked hard to get my stuff done still everything breaking and I blamed myself for it now that I am separated I. realize it was not me it was all about them controlling me by making me look like a failure. But now I know what exactly going on and I just focus on my dreams and making them happen no matter what now I am excited about the business I just opened but my mindset is different I will work hard to make it happen 💕🙏

Constantly feel confused and think you are always doing something wrong.

I totally understand what you’re saying about music and songs. My ex boyfriend(in my opinion is a narcissist) introduced me to music and songs and actually I ended up liking some of the music and some songs and since the discard I have listened to some songs(not all yet) and I find myself happy and dancing and smiling and singing and it did take time and it shows me that I am moving in the right direction for my healing it’s literally one day at a time for me. 💜.

Brilliant compilation of videos. I am PUMPED to pursue my potential. "The one freedom all of us have is the freedom to choose to think as we wish."

This is literally the hardest thing ever! You saved me from making a HUGE MISTAKE. I finally got into a support group for relationship rescue group!,❤

I’m working at it. I must end it. 2;4 years living with a woman you described. May God bless you dr Ramanni

I cant impress the value of therapy enough. After a 20 + year marriage to a narcissist it was such a relief to be told I wasnt crazy.

Gosh....Dr. Ramani.....you have nailed this on the head. I went through so much of this with that old high school boyfriend and the horrible place I once worked. I have spent far too much time ruminating on what my life could have been like had I never met him or worked at that place. I think these are just a couple of things that have made me value time more than money because you can get money back but you can *never* get time back. It's gone forever. I love: "NEVER CLIP YOUR WINGS FOR ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. LOVE MEANS LETTING SOMEONE SOAR." Amen!!!!!! Thank you, Dr. Ramani ♥♥♥

Divorced and left June 2017 after 14 years of insane marriage to the passive aggressive covert narc. No contact with the narc mother since March 2013. No contact with five former friends I'm still finding me. I had no clue how much I had lost whoever I was. I kept a journal. I can't believe that was me When I tell you that I'm happy today..... I truly am. Even on rough days when things go wrong with animals house car job whatever. I am sooooo capable and so happy I had a flashback today. The ex husband told me I was unreasonable. I felt soooo bad. With education I have discovered he was describing himself. I am incredibly reasonable. Patient. Tolerant. I didn't know. I'm finding me

Wow, during my first relationship after my narcissist marriage, yes I had zero idea about narcissist personality, I ended up with another narcissist. How I got over him was to force myself to remember each time he gaslighted me... the artist Jessie J created a song that described what I allowed to happen. I placed myself on a shelf forgetting who I was. Because I no longer recognized myself... this song, thank you Jesus, brought me out of the abyss I was in. Unfortunately, since then I was in another narcissist relationship. Thankfully, the last two years I've become knowledgeable about personality disorders and I am able to recognize them more readily. However, it's exhausting when trying to find the right person to be involved in a long term relationship.

Hi Dr Ramani. I gave up attending university to study computer programming in 1975 & then again business studies in the 1980’s approximately. I started business studies bug had to stop to help run a business then again approx 2000 i wax enrolled at a online university for accounting but again foolishly put it aside for my narc partner. I do regret it but i did complete a diploma in a tafe course. Which was so satisfying to finally put myself 1st. 😊 but sadly still dealing with a narc partner but am taking baby steps to gelp drawing a line in the sand. Partyly vecause of listening to your you tube video on healing from a narcissist. X

@juliebryson4998

2 ай бұрын

Rotten auto correct lol. 😂

I found EARTHING and started the #theindianearthingmovement and healed my chronic inflammation in my entire body with Osteoarthritis, plantars fasciitis, cervical Spondylitis and lost 10kgs . I got my "life back ". Thanks to all your empowering videos which reinforced my belief in myself. You so accurately delve deep into the surviors mindset and feelings which no one understands.

Ty Dr R for bringing this content. A will share a memory that to me is so profound now He has an addiction problem over the yrs had lost his driving license. Relapse/ recovery Went on to drive a school bus in his retirement . I had found metabolic steroids, his next relapse In my retirement I was giving thought to driving bus also The narc/addict told me I could probably be a monitor I said let me remind you I have never lost my drivers license & have not driven impaired. That was 4 months before I discarded. He was so busy with gym adoration he never saw it coming I am growing & grateful everyday for the work I’m doing on me. These videos validate & your book is fantastic. It was not ME💪🏻☀️

I was there. For six years in a relationship that I thought was improved even years after an N type divorce. I lost myself again I was tricked towards his preferences. We had a great social life. We did even have fun. But I was more in it for the fun rather than the relationship/connection etc. He did not respect my choices or wishes. I lost my own dream. Yes I understand and agree about what we “lose” and how we allow the misguidedness. I have taken my power back and do let things back in now. Healing is a process. Now,almost 3 years later, I spend more time with family, I travel, and in two weeks I’m getting a new puppy. Life is good. 👍🏻🙏🏻🥰

Divorcing my ex was the best decision I made after knowing the relationship will continue to be an emotional roller coaster. I have way more peace and less stress!

This is so true. I remember a time I was being so controlled by a partner, I had arranged a day off of work and kept secret to spend with my adult daughter. By this stage I was well aware I'm in a dangerous relationship. Again! It breaks my heart too that so much talent and dreams are smothered by those that did not want you to soar. The list of grief and resentment you have to process in your awakening is endless. My latest resentment was the thought of seeking counseling. Again! Why are the empathic ones taking time , energy & money to seek help from the harm of those that refuse to go or insist it's a bad idea. At the end of the day it's worth the time, energy & money. Because it makes you look at yourself which is so important, regardless of how narcissistic people insist on seeing you. It's the path to your courage and freedom. A rocky path, yet sure footed? Ramani, the term *sure footed" and its origins? ❤

I am done. However, at 72 I have to start my life over. 26 years sober, so I have tools for living well. I just forgot, even after surviving the murder of my Daughter, that wit God, all things are possible. God bless everyone.

She Used to Be Mine (lyrics) By Sara Bareilles It’s not simple to say That most days I don’t recognize me That these shoes and this apron This place and it’s patrons Have taken more than I gave them It’s not easy to know I’m not anything like I used to be Although it’s true I was never attention’s sweet center I still remember that girl She’s imperfect, but she tries She is good, but she lies She is hard on herself She is broken and won’t ask for help She is messy, but she’s kind She is lonely most of the time She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie She is gone but she used to be mine And it’s not what I asked for If I’m honest, I know I would give it all back For a chance to start over And rewrite an ending or two For the girl that I knew Who was reckless just enough Who gets hurt But who learns how to toughen up when she’s bruised And gets hurt by a man who can’t love And then she’ll get stuck and be scared Of the life that’s inside her Getting stronger each day ’til it finally reminds her To fight just a little to bring back the fire in her eyes That’s gone but used to be mine She is messy, but she’s kind She is lonely most of the time She is all this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie She is gone but she used to be mine This song is so relatable for narcissistic abuse victims/survivors. It’s as though it was written for us. I felt validated in a strange way when I heard it for the first time. I was goosebumped and sobbing. I wanted to have my husband listen to it to attempt to make him understand how I feel however, I knew better n didn’t bother. I will no longer try to make him understand me when he’s committed to misunderstanding me. It’s an accurate description of the way we are left feeling after years of abuse from a narcissist. I love that in the end of the song that she wants to fight for herself n bring back the fire in her eyes. Her passion for life. It gives me hope. ❤

@TallulahBelle3276

2 ай бұрын

I’d like to add that I know that men are victims of this abuse as well.

When you step away, your insecurities pull you back to the fear that they were right and you weren't good enough. It is a really hard fight when situations trigger feelings of panic over what you've been told or how you've been treated. In social situations, I can feel a sense of panic that I am not enough and need to do all the stuff that others don't want to do (like cleaning up) just to deserve to be invited. That is another thing I have noticed - these relationships leave you feeling that you have to earn everything - rest, kindness, getting to chose etc

Dr Ramani , I’d love to share my story with you. The knowledge I’ve gained from listening to your videos saved me. 20 yrs of my life , my most precious years lost. 1 more year before I turn 40yrs . I’ve never lost anyone very close to me by death. I think I know what it feels like to, probably worse. I’m mourning my life and I can’t get it back. I’m reading your newest book. I knew it wasn’t me , I’m slowly getting the confirmation I needed. Thank you for all you do. Would love to share my story. God bless you.

It is really inspiring and healing, I keep listening to it whatever I`m doing, and try to replace these words into my inner voice that was played by narcs. It is full of trust and affection, concern, and love, belief for the being. I feel this warmth in the midst in this war like the hell which is so disgusting. The hell created by narc has the disgusting scent like when the flesh was eaten and burnt to slaughter, and I think it is not exaggeration, since it is the scenery what had happened to my soul for so long. This unconscious scenery is coming to the surface now.

Doctor Ramani, I cannot even begin to tell you how much your videos with all your insights and experience have come at the perfect time in my life. Thank you ~ such a life line!

Stay strong guys, stay no contact. We have a Mercury retrograde coming tomorrow on April 1st. Thank you so much Dr. Ramani!

Yes. “ never clip your wings for another human being “ Yes.

Succeed or not to succeed rarely is rarely a character assassination, the assignments can go in other forms of finding joy. Re-finding joy, what you find joy in? That's up to each person.

The angry words that cut deep. The dismissiveness. The moments where they act like they care about you, then say something incredibly hurtful JUST to hurt you. I grew up with this and the voices in my head continue, but I'm older now and wiser. Those voices that came from them were the voices they were telling themselves. They treat others the way they treat themselves. I don't have to play that. I can be kind for the sake of kindness. I can step away from them or completely remove them from my life. It's for the sake of keeping my own goodness intact. My responses keep me safe. They will get angry. They will talk behind my back. They will discard me. That's up to them. I keep my goodness.

I remember one of his posts - among the many very mean and sadistic ones he published after having liquidated me - which went more or less like this: "losing me is like losing a front tooth... you will never smile like before". it disturbed me so much, because seemed more like a threat from a bully than a memory of a time so unforgettable that it was unsurpassable. and in that post he show up all the gratification and cruel pleasure derived from it was implied. another instead, a few days after our last meeting full of promises, said this: It's exactly like this: even the sad things passed, even the pains, the desperations, like the joys, paled, lost their depth and their value, until there's a moment when one can no longer remember what it was that had hurt so much. Even the pain fade and withered." Hermann Hesse, Narcissus and Goldmund

I still feel amazed at the freedom I’ve got, the scope of it keeps expanding. I don’t have to accept another person’s plan, I can tell or ask how I want anything and even reject things that I don’t want. That’s after I found out I was a person in my own right. I have an insect sanctuary on my verge, grow vegetables and fruit and take part in many community things. My property is colourful and fun and the more I am myself the more creative I am.

It’s been shocking to me the lack of support and negative comments I received from people close to me when I told them about a recent success in my life. It’s super disappointing and disheartening. Continuing to move forward despite them. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

I'm not sure if I'm thriving yet but I will be soon. I have survived and at the time it did cost me my home my children my education, however I have another home better education and my children have broken away from the narcissistic also and are thriving in life. Material things come and go but our lives and not replaceable Run if you must with the shirt on your back but get as far away as possible Its the only way to be FREE❤

My husband stole everything from me - my money, my family, my peace and the most devastating is he stole my 3 sons and their respective families. He took advantage of my knowledge, gained status in society because of me and now walks around gloating because he destroyed me He stole my whole life 😢

Your authonomy is no existent. Your free time belongs to them. They plan in advance. And get angry, in the form of silence, passive aggression, bullying, withholding goods, silence or back talks. Went no contact with all of them - best I ever did ❤

I made my escape 18 days ago,no contact.im broke,had to move in with family,hv no car ,recovering from stroke / heart attack. I know the list is long,but i cant do anything but sleep & the peace i have is priceless. Ill get the " stuff" back,but now i must heal.

One thing that helped me was when I started recording our conversations. In the end I didn't even hide it I was so done and finally started the radical acceptance phase. It is legal in my state when you're in your own home.

Narcs sinse childhood. Now I'm 69 yo and lost most of my life 😢 But I'm not giving up! Better days are coming!!!

The thing that amazes me so much is that at one time, while I was a teenager, my narcissistic mother and I were reading "People of The Lie" by Scot Peck. What he described it was completely my situation with my parents, and I still didn't connect it, I still didn't KNOW. I didn't know why I was so terribly depressed and guilty. It is so difficult to recognize!

Dr Ramani has saved me from total despair but God knows it came close

You know she has done such an extensive study on Narcissism. And her voice modulations in the interview podcast narrating the trend is so brilliant. She can Beautifully play the role of a Narcissistic Boss much better than Ted Lasso or Devil wears Prada.

Dr.Ramani ,you are my life buoy!

Dr. ! This! Everything makes sense everything I’ve accomplished is resented and dismissed! Everything I’ve done has been so hard to overcome because of their obstacles! Not a one has congratulated me nor celebrated with me.

The isolation is a big part of what happens.

Thanks & good job! Ugh. I'm trying to silence that inner critic. Must I do amazing things? Can't I just enjoy my remaining days relaxing? No pressure. Let's go!

Thank you for your message. I so needed to hear this!