"Innocent until proven guilty" has ruined our once great nation. I was raised right, and my daddy had me building justice birdhouses to capture any filthy Red spies disguised as birds. Now, I build justice sheds for people poor in lumber supplies. Thank you, Onion, for doing your part to make the world a better place for me, and me alone, as it should be.

@sovietunion7643

2 жыл бұрын

so this was where the "birds aren't real" memes started

@aarontheperson6867

Жыл бұрын

@@sovietunion7643 nahhh its a movement

"These guys, I think we caught them shoplifting..." rofl

@greatpower6063

3 жыл бұрын

"And this one guy is my daughter's boyfriend" (painful groaning) lol

@fireboltaz

3 жыл бұрын

In 2020 shoplifting is not a crime

@skyisreallyhigh3333

Жыл бұрын

@@fireboltaz In 2020 shoplifting was still a crime

@jtzr1371

7 ай бұрын

​@@skyisreallyhigh3333in California they cannot prosecute thefts under $950

I think she used to be on a radio station in gta san andreas, she was talking about the same things there

@happyjohn1656

2 жыл бұрын

Wow, ten years! Great game. 8:46 PM 1/18/2022

I'll just convert my home into a Justice House, that way I can store significantly more criminals

@barrett.m.w7713

Жыл бұрын

Make sure you don't give them any luxuries like places to sleep or food

"I'm gonna run a marathon with no legs so I can inspire others" LOOL

MY shed, which is actually an outhouse, has a secret trapdoor underneath the toilet to the Dungeon I have underground... and it's a labyrinth...

@basedgodstrugglin

3 жыл бұрын

Ain’t that some shit

@quietcorner293

3 жыл бұрын

I found a secret Muslim. Got room?

@nikolajrasmussen9573

3 жыл бұрын

@@quietcorner293 Sorry, but this is not the 1940's. Or maybe I didn't understand what you were trying to say.

@quietcorner293

3 жыл бұрын

@@nikolajrasmussen9573 You didn't catch the reference to another Shelby Cross video. I'm being as serious as the Onion is.

@nikolajrasmussen9573

3 жыл бұрын

​@@quietcorner293 Alright, I'm glad that the problem was my own ignorance ;)

This is the best idea I've heard in a long time. I'm gonna have to convert the closet in my apartment into a Justice Closet.

@ericsilver9401

Жыл бұрын

How have the last 11 years been?

@nicholasm7822

Жыл бұрын

​@@ericsilver9401 what about you Eric, how have the last 5 months been treating you?

@ericsilver9401

Жыл бұрын

@@nicholasm7822 they’ve been surprisingly eventful! Some really bad moments but also some really good moments, thanks for asking

@Fuzzypet_Playscape

8 ай бұрын

​@@nicholasm7822​what about you Nicholas M, how have the last 5 months been treating you?

@nicholasm7822

8 ай бұрын

@@Fuzzypet_Playscape busy, but mostly good. Kids are fine. My mom has dementia though so that is very tough.

It has the word 'justice' in it, and justice is good, so it must be a good thing.

I am legitimately afraid that the people who take The Onion as real news will see this video and start building real Justice Sheds.

@ericsilver9401

Жыл бұрын

How have the last 11 years been?

@TheNightshadePrince

11 ай бұрын

They didn’t respond so they must have been put in a justice shed 11 years ago and haven’t got out since. :)

"THAT'S democracy people!!" Hilarious : )

@maxkrepps9474

Жыл бұрын

you doin alright these days?

@stygn

Жыл бұрын

@@maxkrepps9474 Uhm.. Yeah..

@maxkrepps9474

Жыл бұрын

@@stygn glad to hear it man

@stygn

Жыл бұрын

@@maxkrepps9474 Thanks for asking : ) I am actually doing a lot better then I did back then.. A lot better.. How are you holding up?

@maxkrepps9474

Жыл бұрын

@@stygn Well i'm doing alright, you know how life is. You stay well out there my man.

OMG that last bit left me crying :D Couldn't make a better representation of modern news media

Her: honey what are you doing? Him: im building a shed for great justice!! *bunch of superheroes walk out of the shed*

Took 8 years to reach me but valuable information has been gleamed: 1. Always insulate the roof and 2. Off to eBay to buy Psycho Trunk Mom for my daughter to play with at bathtime. We have a nice sloping backrest for accurate 'simulation'

Ooh is there a Clifford Banes doll so we can finally see what he looks like?

"I'm gonna run a marathon without legs to inspire people" HAHHAHA holy shit I can't breathe!!!

Our nation was founded on the principle of a citizen having the right to beat a suspicious individual with a shovel.

"I'm going to run a marathon with no legs to inspire others..." Ah, the fresh pile of news straight from the Onion farm.

If it wasn't for the onion logo I would swear I was watching a Fox clip. Lol

@Jefff72

5 жыл бұрын

I bet if you put this video on Fox News, justice sheds will start appearing everywhere.

@guardianoftheduat

5 жыл бұрын

Orange man bad

@alessandragonzales8190

5 жыл бұрын

Isn't ONN's Shelby Cross based on Nancy Grace? Nancy Grace was mostly on HLN, not Fox. And she was a super awful person.

@DewMan001

5 жыл бұрын

I would have thought I'd accidentally autoplayed a Laura Ingrahm clip

Man, I wish those onion news dolls were real 😂

we definitely need more of these sheds

You know, I don't think I'm going to take Shelby's advice anymore.

@coolminecrafthdminecraft1627

3 жыл бұрын

I would ask you to reconsider, but why do that when I can just put you in my justice shed?

0:50 "Asshole scientists genetically engineer flying spiders" rofl!

I'm seeing some similarities to Nancy Grace, but there's something else in the mix that I can't put my finger on...

I cant get enough of Shelby Cross

Poland Spring unveils new Salt & Vinegar water

BEST ONN IN A LONG TIME!!!! GREAT STUFF GUYS

LMAO!!!!! Very good onion video. I love the add at the end.

I've been searching like crazy on ebay for that ultra rare Clifford Bates figure 🤣🤣🤣

You forgot to mention the throat kneel for the prejudice shedding otherwise your science is bang on..

I recommend using Intermodal containers used for shipping. They are both durable and stackable!

"Asshole scientists genetically engineer flying spiders." lol

The ad at the end. :)

A lot of times we joke that the Onion is becoming reality but this is scarily close to a lot of current rhetoric.

@absoluteterror9098

Жыл бұрын

Exactly what I was thinking, honestly the idea of a justice shed seems better than the "just shoot first, ask questions later" mentality we have now

Ok, that commercial was sick awesome.

With these videos i watch it twice, first pay attention to the main thing, second time to watch the breaking news on the hot bar. its so fun

Awesome! Shelby kicks ass and totally sells this piece! :)

Thanks to you, Shelby, my neighborhood is safe again!

Best part was the ad at the end!

Hahaha I totally want those action figures :)

I found out that using compact Justice Boxes for each suspect is much better idea! Now I can move and organize all of the criminals with ease!

the add in the end was hilarious

Damn it Shelby. We told you many times that is kidnapping. ANd possibly murder.

The ONN Action Figures need to be a real thing!!!

i like how one of the tags for this video is "Fox" lol

@nickf210 and the pause as she wanted to laugh... great

I'm gonna do what "Sheriff" Arpaio did and just build a "justice tent-city". Its great for people who need to hold lots of criminals, but are on a budget. Arpaio doesn't even feed them sometimes, which really keeps costs down and saves time which is great for me because it gives me more time to hunt down criminals.

@TheNightshadePrince

11 ай бұрын

“Gotta catch em all, Pokémon!” XD

"Our viewer Randal F." Nice one.

"I'm gonna run a marathon so I can inspire others!" Hah!

That last part was probably a riff on KOLD-TV in Tucson, AZ...

"a blue or red shirt" spit juice everywhere

That segment at the end has an oversight. Where's the Justice Shed playset?

I'm glad we're getting more people getting their own justice shed. Finally a safer cleaner America that we can all work towards.

I want those action figures!! Oh and I got a sweet rig for my justice shed cuz if you gonna do it you gotta do it right :P

the last commercial made this video!!

It would be so cool to see those action figures in the store.

Congratz! I got my first shiny using the masuda method today! Im so happy I got a shiny aipom!!

I Like how the toy car is a Chrysler PT Cruiser.... of all cars they chose a PT cruiser and not something more respected like say a chevy camaro z06

Favorite Onion stuff? Joad Cressbeckler, Shelby Cross, and the sports guys who hate each other. Oh and Brooke Alvarez although I liked Andrea better.

My neighbor has a justice shed and he's locked up some trouble making teenage girls whom he lured into his justice van.

I WANT THOSE ACTION FIGURES!

The add at the end reminded me of the radio adds from GTA

This is now much darker humor now that 12 years have passed.

Wow, you obviously don't realize that she's supposed to be a parody of Nancy "Guilty Until Proven Innocent" Grace with some more conservative elements thrown in as well. But she more resembles Grace in the whole aspect of automatically presuming someone's guilt.

@TecraX2

7 жыл бұрын

More like Nancy "Guilty Until Proven Guilty" Grace!

@Jefff72

5 жыл бұрын

Like her "Decoy Muslim."

You get a thumbs up for news action figures!

I only now realize that the writers of these sketches probably listened to dozens of hours of GTA talk radio for inspiration.

Someone is going to take this seriously and it's going to be on the news. I'll be waiting watch the news coverage from right outside of my justice shed.

@TheNightshadePrince

11 ай бұрын

Honestly having a justice shed for the coming apocalypse might be a good idea. I don’t think people should use them until the apocalypse comes. :)

@themagnus2919

8 ай бұрын

Church of Scientology has justice sheds.

Ooooh!! toys I want em! Look how much fun those kids were having!!!

Lol there is an ad for an 8'x8' storage shed from 84Lumber next to the video

Omigodomigodomigod! I want those action figures!

3:03 It's the Raised by Wolf Blitzer girl. She will be in her 20's now 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@CaptainsOfComedy so you have a justice floor. good work soldier

Thank god! I always knew I was ahead of the curve when I built mine several years ago. At first I was just preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse, but it was taking too long to happen so I started putting in people on my "List". Cops came and told me I couldn't do that so now I have a few "inquiring" Cops in there. :) :P

Mr. Lahey was a pioneer with his jail shed.

How about tossing an old freezer with some holes drilled into it into the yard and call it a holding cell?

@ClassicRockFan1220 the "Awesome" at 3:10 is exactly like in a GTA Vice City radio commercial for a video game console! I laughed my ass off when i heard that and after that read your comment :D

ha ha ha- drowning the kids in the back of the car- "AWESOME!!!"

First posters: Into the Justice Shed.

@vegetablelollipop You....are an artist dude. excellent visuals..bravo

2:45, isn't that the girl who was raised by Wolf Blitzer?

@Jefff72

5 жыл бұрын

She has been completely rehabilitated and turned into a right wing nut.

@FrNSICs

4 жыл бұрын

8 years later but yes. yes she was

Looking forward to having my very own "autopsy" certified Marc Delray (MD) quacktion figure

3:19 I only yesterday saw an ad that resembled this to a horrific degree

3:02 it's the girl who was raised by Wolf Blitzer

I legit want that playset.

when i watch the onion, i feel like it's only a matter of time before it shows up on fox news

I had enough with teenagers having sex in their cars clearly visible to someone hiding in the woods. Got room?

I desperately need to get me a "Trunk-mom"

The first guy thrown in the Justice Shed, I SWEAR he looks like Danny Pudi (Abed from Community). Then there's the whole "Justice Shed" thing, hilarious. I'd rather see a Justice Garage, but that's just me.

I'm getting a justice shed for my ex. I'm sure she did something the requires incarceration. I loved the toy commercial at the end.

Is this women for real? How in hell trust this womens advice. People we need to her in the shed and feed her onions for the reminder of her life. Is this real? It cant be

@aliyahh9892

4 жыл бұрын

shes just a racist dallusional idiot that needs a new sense of humor

Sarah Palin's leaked 2012 running platform? "Down with Death Panels; Up with Justice Sheds!"

This teetered dangerously between funny and terrifying.

That Oscar Pistorius action figure 😢😢😶😶

MOOOOOOM! can we go to the toy store?

ONN action figures? HELL YEAH!

what does the pundit doll say at 3:00?

This reminds me of guantanamo bay... ^^

@comfibold

3 жыл бұрын

Yep. The good old days

'someone in a blue or red shirt, or something, that did it'

Any truth to the rumor that Shlby is in line to be the next Homeland Security head? I skip the shed and go to the Mandatory Mass Grave. (makes great compost)

i need that choppa

A justice shed, that's awesome. :)