Boundaries are meant to protect. Boundaries in marriage are meant to protect the marriage. People that believe that bounderies are meant to control or oppress, are dangerous.

For me boundaries have nothing to do with putting a wall between myself and my husband. It has to do with putting a wall around us from outside forces that are possibly destructive to our relationship.

@afc5389

3 ай бұрын

This. This is what I want to ask, and know if that is actually a boundary or can be considered "territorial" or "controlling," I have tried asking on Instagram.

@msv9637

3 ай бұрын

@@afc5389 it’s his boundaries as well. We share them. Neither one of us want people touching us. So I think it’s definitely a boundary. I wouldn’t expect much from taking a poll on insta. People are lacking self awareness in great numbers.

@msv9637

3 ай бұрын

@@afc5389 BUT I believe a boundary is the line of a territory. So they go hand in hand & can be viewed as synonymous

@msv9637

3 ай бұрын

@@afc5389 looks like my first reply has been removed.

Boundaries are for the unfaithful up against any potential dangers to the relationship/marriage. 13 yrs is nothing. 12 yrs is when the EA/PA happened. So I don't interpret the word the way Kimberly does. Her father's book also discusses boundaries, and I respect Dr. Beam's definition because he's a former unfaithful. The boundary would be for Kimberly's husband to have a boundary with female coworkers for example.

@msv9637

3 ай бұрын

That’s how I view it to. I don’t view boundaries as a wall between myself and my husband I view it as a wall around my husband and myself from the world.

I set boundries for myself 20 years ago when I started dating my wife. The boundries are, and still are this: I never talk to any women outside of a professional setting EVER. And if I do talk to women I act as if she's standing beside me. She never set these boundries and she ended up having an affair with my daughters archery coach last year.

I would agree, boundaries in a marriage have always sounded wrong. Almost like there was a division being created from something God has joined together. I can see how boundaries might be in place while one is a follower of Jesus and the other is not. But each person should seek peace and that requires freedom.

Better to know an outside person may be a threat to the marriage earlier than when it’s too late. To me it was my spouse reconnecting with an old flame 38 years after they broke up. We’re just friends, through social media. Social media destroys marriages, and the ease to find that someone outside the marriage, is easily done. That to me speaks volumes, and crosses all lines of boundaries, and the fall out has just begun. Whether to move forward is now in serious question, as that’s another validation of cheating.

What if she’s not responding for a few days before we are supposed to meet, then I make plans for that day and the morning of days she’s ready? Should I tell her that’s not respectful of my time? I want to be fair but honest and fair to myself and my time?

What if your s.o. has a too close for comfort type of "friendship" with someone who has feelings for him. You asked for it to stop so you as a couple can repair, grow and protect your bond, she can move on and he can also maybe see what they are doing is still crossing boundaries and there IS more there than "friendship" and deal with his feelings. He doesn't like talking emotions/feelings, but he does say its friends only. Asking to take time so your relationship can repair and benefit. Can that be classified as a boundary? Marriage boundary? Would it matter if it's that "bond" vs. your marriage? I'm not meaning to control him or give an ultimatum, but at the same time, I am not ok with the amount of communication ans the connection. I feel that it is more than friendship and that they both need to step back and reflect, and she needs to not be so attached. The innuendos have stopped, but it feels like we can't connect when it seems he is connected to her (Sorry, l'm not great at explaining myself)

@afc5389

3 ай бұрын

@marriagehelper, any advice/ suggestions?

I agree with almost all except boundaries are only for yourself. Not standing for infidelity or physical abuse would be some boundaries. I don't believe in divorce is one of mine. That doesn't mean my wife can't divorce me, but I would never leave her. So, consequences to boundary breaking? Yes, in the sense that everything has consequences. Not filling wife's car with gas comes with consequence of her needing gas tomorrow. She could chose to ignore what I did or not and there would be a consequence to that choice, and so on. In your example of your husband going to flight school. You could choose to completely ignore and shut him out in his pursuit. He can't make you do anything. But if he had a boundary of not wanting to be in an emotionally abusive one sided marriage, he could separate or file divorce. It would be him saying he won't allow himself to be treated a certain way. You would still be free to make your decision.

You mentioned linking the ultimate boundary, but I don't see it.

@MarriageHelper

3 ай бұрын

The toolkit is in our membership which you can access here: bit.ly/49U8IHl If you'd like to find other videos for free about boundaries, you can find them here! bit.ly/3wKTBSf