You want out of jury duty? Tell the jury officer that you’ll be perfect for the job because you can tell if someone’s guilty just by looking at them. You’ll be dismissed before breakfast.

@eliyahkaz

Жыл бұрын

😂

@Pajamers

Жыл бұрын

good bit from Carlin 👌

@sebastiandellosa4616

Жыл бұрын

I’ll keep that on mind!

@harrisrafield8985

11 ай бұрын

That’s hysterical

@janelinley3624

10 ай бұрын

😂😂😂

Jury duty and the DMV. Two places where you feel the uncontrollable urge to punch everyone in the face for absolutely no reason at all.

@llddau

3 жыл бұрын

I enjoyed jury duty. Believe it or not I’ve been called up three times, was picked for 2 juries and they were pretty interesting. Although the 5 bikie defendants at the last one were not the most fun to have staring at you across the room for 3.5 weeks!

@llddau

3 жыл бұрын

@@UploadsbySK Why do you say that? It’s something out of the ordinary, I don’t know why people complain so much about it unless they happen to get on a really boring case. Some are very interesting, others are not. So unless you’ve done what I’ve done you don’t actually have anything to base your silly comment on do you.

@sahej6939

3 жыл бұрын

@@llddau I always get pimp cases!

@wolfhernandez6834

2 жыл бұрын

The airport! The airport!!! 👊🏾 I used to be a people person but the airport ruined that part of me.

@bradt7451

Жыл бұрын

I couldn’t agree more. DMV brings some interesting characters outta the woodwork.

“You’re gonna determine whether someone goes to prison... and you’re having problems with the name badge?” LMAOOO

@de5913

3 жыл бұрын

😂😂

@rickb4806

3 жыл бұрын

yea, we heard that.

@sara_208

3 жыл бұрын

@@rickb4806 thanks for your input

@jasonbulac5918

3 жыл бұрын

Love how this guy's so fed up with people lmao

@stevemossholder

3 жыл бұрын

when is his next one? I love this guy. I've seen Stay Hungry. I think that is his most recent.

"- one step away from becoming defendants!"

@BixbyConsequence

3 жыл бұрын

@S S Defendant means you get a trial. Relax.

@havefaith4358

3 жыл бұрын

LOL!

@rickb4806

3 жыл бұрын

yea we heard that.....

@thatisabsolutelykooooge2211

3 жыл бұрын

@@BixbyConsequence yea duh. You talkin to a ghost?

@iamjuancediel

3 жыл бұрын

Aren’t we all

1:50 speaking right from my soul. everyday there is at least one person i just want to tell "nobody gives a shit" with sebastian's passion...

@akimbo5u

3 жыл бұрын

nobody gives a shit

@derkay3569

3 жыл бұрын

akimbo5u back atcha, hun 😉

@litty4553

2 жыл бұрын

Just one? 😂

@litty4553

2 жыл бұрын

@Justin Kase 😂😂😂

"is it loud in here, why is my hair vibrating?" 😂😂😂😂

@goosewhisperer6275

3 жыл бұрын

He's hilarious! It's not just WHAT he says, it's the WAY he says it, also. :)

This guy could be talking about brushing teeth and it would still be funny

@bradceplina

3 жыл бұрын

Lol he literally does in this special when talking about marriage

"And you're having problems with the name BEDGE?!"

@josephattard3225

3 жыл бұрын

Hahahahahaha

@Butterballsballs

4 ай бұрын

😂

"The people there are one step away from being a defendant.." (jury duty). Laugh at that every time at that when I play this clip.

“Am I the only 1 goin’ to this stuff!???”

"Jurors: A group of people not smart enough to get out of jury duty."

@TahtahmesDiary

3 жыл бұрын

Lol but it seems the people who WANT to volunteer always get cut!

@JJoh4040

3 жыл бұрын

How do ya do that?

@klam77

3 жыл бұрын

Taxpayers: group of people not smart enough to get out of 1040s. Covid Ward: group of people not smart enough to duck a few germs. Cemetary: group of people....... STFU.

@benjamincrew1949

3 жыл бұрын

I got called for a criminal trial. I got excused after saying I'd refuse to sign for the death penalty unless I was 100% certain the guy deserved it.

@modtwentyeight

3 жыл бұрын

@vincent james I agree with you. There is nothing inherently wrong with jury duty. It is your civic responsibility. HOWEVER - The way it is conducted is bad. There has to be a better way. Read the horror stories here and other lists. It is a charade.

I grew up with guys like Sebastian. He’s not telling jokes as much as telling truths.

He has GREAT comedic timing! Never rushes a joke. Let’s your mind race to where he’s leading! Always worth seeing again and again!

@MrScubajsb

2 жыл бұрын

That is facial expressions and mannerisms all just play perfectly into his comedy.

@jayneporter1640

2 жыл бұрын

"You're going to determine......?" We all laugh because we finish the thought. He just holds it there for max laughs. He's so talented.

@MrScubajsb

2 жыл бұрын

@@jayneporter1640 🤣👍🏻

@WaffleHouse247

2 жыл бұрын

Saw him and Gaffigan live different times of course and both were absolutely hilarious totally different Sebastian can’t stop moving Jim Gaffigan takes like mini steps lmao both were great highly recommend either

@Shahab159

Жыл бұрын

He's the best

I don’t think I’ve been living in a cave for five years, but how did I not know who this guy was?! Amazing talent! Sebastian checks ALL the boxes for a top notch comedian. Here I am searching reruns of Greg Giraldo, Patrice O’ Neal and Mitch Hedberg and POW!!! I stumble onto find of the year. To be holding my sides after hearing his material, that’s rare for a comedian that can make me do that. Dude is funny beyond comparison right now.

I brought a book to Jury Duty, "The Sociopath Next Door", and read it in front of the cameras while waiting to see if I would be called in. I wasn't. 🤷

@speedybna5746

3 жыл бұрын

Brilliant!!!

@leah-michelle5872

3 жыл бұрын

Lol. That's a good idea.

@Jondsmusic

2 жыл бұрын

Smart move!

@lilysgram5886

Жыл бұрын

I read that book!! 😂

been dealing with juries for 25 years, and this routine hits the nail on the head.

True story. The last time I was called for jury duty I got to the empanel part (where the lawyers ask questions to see if they want you on the jury). I was asked if I could be impartial (or something like that). I told them that it depended on which side had the better story. Dismissed...

@fredflintstoner5230

3 жыл бұрын

You could also say a racial slur. Dismissed

@crg5460

3 жыл бұрын

The judge got mad at me because I had a similar answer! Dismissed 😃

@leslieallen5704

3 жыл бұрын

😂🤣😂🤣😂

@suzetteccc

3 жыл бұрын

A case is won by the better lawyer....

@patriotgirl1american854

2 жыл бұрын

Hey bro…REAL TALK!!!!

Sebastian's physical comedy is hilarious

The name badge 🤣

@leroytorres1979

3 жыл бұрын

Funny I read this and that part comes on. Lmfao. He makes sense though

Jury duty is a lot like reading you tube comments.

@tacet21

3 жыл бұрын

🤣

@truth2919

3 жыл бұрын

Best comment 🤣🤣🤣

@jamesjohnson1205

3 жыл бұрын

Copy

@drzaius844

3 жыл бұрын

Fox News comment section LOL

@klam77

3 жыл бұрын

I don't get it?

"I have a medical condition" Nobody gives a shit! Lmfao Sebastian never gets old

Still so funny 😆😆, no matter how many times I watch, love it Sebastian 💙☮️

Jury Duty and Traffic School are both eye-openers.

@ericvega3597

3 жыл бұрын

Watching Cops is an eye opener

Sebastian thanks for the laughs, you've been my go-to during this pandemic shit

@lizzabbott

3 жыл бұрын

Yes ! Same here ! Thank you, Sebastian !

"...a jury of your peers. The people there are one step away from being a defendent..." 😂 👏

The way he’s looking around like he wants answers is hilarious😂😂

He is right that the worst thing you can do is open up questions to the general public

@cyndianderson7056

2 жыл бұрын

Or at the union hall. Trust me on this. It goes from 0- Jerry Springer real quick. Lol.

"You're going to determine...if somebody is going to Prison"🤣🤣🤣"and can't put your name in the laminated tag"🤣

Seen this before but it’s so true 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Never let a dozen people who aren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty decide your fate. Bench trial or bust

I've watched this a hundred times but still watch it whenever it I see it. I still laugh every time.

Jury duty ? I tell them" it's going to be a financial burden since I can't live off of a measly $20/day. Give me what the judge earns" They always say ok, you're excused.

"Why's my hair vibrating?" :D haha

My biggest problem - I can't mind my own business 😏😂

@livingonadollar2882

3 жыл бұрын

More of a American problem Then a personal problem...

He's right....hilarious! Wish he could be on tv more!

NAAH!! WE SHRED IT!!

I look forward to every new Sebastian video. Makes my day. ❤️

Last time I went to the club I was in my early thirties.....I went in for 15 min and left.....the music was so loud I could hear my bones rattle.

@VKrulikoski

3 жыл бұрын

Especially the techno. Can't do it.

@starrfishhill

3 жыл бұрын

Just curious how old you are now

@starrfishhill

3 жыл бұрын

vicki spencer I actually only like the techno

@northernboy7272

3 жыл бұрын

@@starrfishhill over 40.

@starrfishhill

3 жыл бұрын

Northern Boy nice!!

So good!!!😁😂. Impeccable timing besides the fantastic material. The club and dancing bit is some of my favorite from ANY comedian! Beginning to end, that but is so funny!!! And never filthy, smutty stuff, just genuinely human hilariousness of the stupid shit we all do and have been through...

@PersianWombat

3 жыл бұрын

I think you would love Doug Stanhope talking about jury duty!

I swear. I think he has covered. EVERYthing in society

Whaaaat??? One of his signature remarks!!!!

He's so funny love watching him.

I can watch him over and over and still pee my pants🤣

@jillsinclair496

3 жыл бұрын

I was crying I was laughing so hard!

Why is my hair vibrating 😂😂

Jury duty is like being stuck at an airport with no idea where you are going, for how long or who with!!! Hate it!

OMG, this was HILARIOUS !!! Thank you for making us laugh during these scary times !!!!!

@paulfitzpatrick6290

2 жыл бұрын

Scary?

Nicely Done 😂🤦‍♂️🤣👍

Love all your videos♡

We’re all One step away from being a Defendant 😉

😁 conference calls opened for questions/comments. Lord. Have. Mercy! You are contagiously funny...just your smile. It reminds me of my Italian cousins/family. 😁

So relatable fr hahaha

His expressions r the best !!

Since we’re turning SM’s comedy into a jury duty discussion: When I am called to jury duty, I am so disturbed by the individuals there, that I have to think over and over again that these people aren’t felons - and that’s a good thing. They aren’t felons. The only time I served on a jury and was jury foreperson, I did it happily and felt good about my service, but I knew what I was doing getting on the jury and had no intention of doing it again. So I am agreeing with George Carlin’s comment regarding people who are serving on a jury and not being smart enough to get off jury duty...with a twist...smart enough to get on, serve, and smart enough to never have to do it again. I have not gotten on a jury since the first and only time I intentionally served that I mentioned above. It is very easy to get dismissed. My standard is the truth - When asked by defense attorneys how I feel about defense attorneys I tell the truth. I say, Your job is to get your client found not guilty. No matter how you do it. You don’t care if he is guilty. You only care that you get him found not guilty of the charges. I don’t think that’s what those who designed our justice system meant our justice system to turn into. And in addition, really it’s almost an insult to be accepted by the defense, and a compliment if they dismiss you, because keeping you means they think they can manipulate you and dismissing you means they think you cannot be manipulated. I prefer the latter. :)

@xX-fd2qj

3 жыл бұрын

I don't even get that far into the questions! I almost always get dismissed when my education is brought up!

@hawktchr8

3 жыл бұрын

Ken Will There ya go...Our son will never be put on a jury - I told him that. He was called to jury duty last month, not kidding. It’s why this got my attention. He spoke in answer to a question, and the defense attorney asked him and only he was asked, if he would be able to listen to people (and this is paraphrasing) who are not as educated and smart as he is, and my son said Of course he could, and he was dismissed! (Two masters and working on PhD while teaching at a UC here in CA.) 😂

@hawktchr8

3 жыл бұрын

Ivan Ivanovitch My husband is self-employed and EVERYTHING in his firm depends on him and no one else. He has 15 employees and they didn’t care - said that wasn’t an excuse for not serving. Not even when he said if I am not there, no one will get paid. It will all stop until I am back (like in a pandemic) - he is sole owner/operator of an engineering firm. They said Oh well. He winds up an ALTERNATE! He gets a chance to speak regarding his situation and being an ALTERNATE and the attorneys and judge came to their senses and acknowledged that they’d be pretty pissed too, so they dismissed him. 🙄

@11FreeSpeech

3 жыл бұрын

JJ HAWK Two Masters And a PhD soon. So he has no street smarts, just book.

@11FreeSpeech

3 жыл бұрын

JJ HAWK So your husband is a control freak and doesn’t know how to delegate? He needs to learn how to get other employees involved.

Love this guy!

What fckn bothers me is that jurors, most no degree, no criminal justice experience just random people decide ones faith or conviction when the judge years of education, gets paid the big bucks just sits there with that freakn hammer and is basically a referee that just blows my mind

@higirlies1868

3 жыл бұрын

Especially if its teens that get called to jury duty like they literally dont even have fully developed brains but yet its their "civil duty" to decide someones fate. And they can go to JAIL if they refuse to attend. Fucking hate this country.

@peaknonsense2041

3 жыл бұрын

These people vote too...

@peaknonsense2041

3 жыл бұрын

@@higirlies1868 Leave

@partybusexperiance3289

3 жыл бұрын

J Mom - If we had professional juries, they would become as corrupt as the system is and we would have no justice at all. so we are stuck.

@MichaelSmith-xt8bt

2 жыл бұрын

@@higirlies1868 you hate yourself and that’s your fate.

“Your going to determine?”

AMEN! ALL OF IT..... SO TRUE! ROTFLMAO 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

OMG…absolutely LOVE him!

I was once on a jury duty yrs ago (felony crimes). I watched the smart people deliberate on and on and on while I slept and prayed I'd go into a coma! 😂

Your gonna determine.......? lmaoffff!!!

😂😂😂😂😂love this guy

They paid me $150 for jury duty... and catered Panera 😂🤷🏻‍♀️

@modtwentyeight

3 жыл бұрын

Where were YOU called? I got 50 bucks and had to bring my own lunch.

@benjamincrew1949

3 жыл бұрын

Funny that the government enforces minimum wage laws but civic duty is allowed to pay less than that. I got $30 a day for like 6 hours a day.

so funny! You are the best

Good laugh! Thanks man

Love this guy

Love his comedy!!!

One of the funniest specials ive seen

one of my favorite bits from you

Yep....nailed it!

Makes me laugh put loud every time! Does my mind some good!!

Great show❤️❤️

I love this guy.

Apparently you've never experienced federal grand jury duty...which lasts for 18 months and doesn't stop even in a pandemic...

@nealdmiller

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your service to the country. Grueling at times but fascinating!

@Katiedora122

3 жыл бұрын

@@nealdmiller Thanks! I didn't know it was a thing that existed until I was summoned, but I definitely feel like I've done all my civic duty for a lifetime LOL

@K.osland

3 жыл бұрын

What is that?

@weaponizedmath4369

3 жыл бұрын

Again !!! Repeat hang em all let God sort em out, and POOF you're home by lunch

@Katiedora122

3 жыл бұрын

@@K.osland A grand jury hears a case and then votes to indict or not based on probably cause, specifically crimes at the federal level, and eventually the people either plead guilty or it goes to a real trial. It winds up being mostly being tax fraud or drug distribution, but it's definitely more in depth than a regular district court.

fresh ! ❤️ this

Amazing man...I haven't laughed like that for a long time

HILARIOUS 😂😂😂😂

He is spot on with his observation on jurors who's mental qualifications are beyond comprehension on how they were picked to judge a trial. With biases and prejudices running high, it's a real joke.

This shit is funny. Him and bill burr are my favorites

Love this guy🤣🤣🤣🤣

Funny as hell!

I havent done regular jury duty but did grand jury twice and it was awesome. You get to ask the people questions pertaining to the case

He makes the truth sound sooo hilarious!

He slays me. Nailed it!

I still love this

😂😂😂hello Sebastian manisacalco I’m a huge fan

@nextari

3 жыл бұрын

relax he's married.

I completely agree. It's like certain ppl do not know how to function outside of there house. I work at a hospital and some of the patients I take care of look like they've been on Jerry Springer.

Why is my hair vibrating? I think that’s 😆 funny!!!

This is wayyyy too accurate

He is not wrong. Hahahha

Awesome Crackling With Energy

Had to listen again!!🤣🤣🤣🤣

Hilarious! Yes, indeed!

"why is my hair vibrating?" 😆

Jury nullification is a must know for every American.

@ultraatari9298

3 жыл бұрын

Would prevent a lot of people from being prosecuted and that's why it pisses off the legal system No free labor of a prisoner No money in attorney's pockets No systemic ordeal of pretending like court is super scary and we're to treat rich bastards like they're gods

@humanoidunknown2099

3 жыл бұрын

Ultra Atari Yep. Actually if you admit to knowing about jury nullification they dismiss you from jury duty 😆

@modtwentyeight

3 жыл бұрын

You beat me to it. Those are the two must important words in the American justice system. For those who are unfamiliar - look it up.

@modtwentyeight

3 жыл бұрын

@@humanoidunknown2099 Yup! :-))

@mariai9549

3 жыл бұрын

@vincent james When I served.on a traffic accident case most the jury was in hurry to come up with verdict ASAP. Most didn't even want to go over testimony or facts. It was a very disconcerting experience.

Too funny!! 🤣

LOL. JURY DUTY. HE NAILED IT.

Hilarious 🤣

LMAO... 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😁😁😁

Toooo funny

So true!!!😆😆😆😆