As a Norwegian I really enjoyed this monologue. Btw, licorice is Finland and pickled herring is Sweden. We have fjords, oil and universal healthcare 🤡

@lenawagenfuehr53

2 жыл бұрын

Salmiak is everything from Belgium on up!

@charlie5115

2 жыл бұрын

@@lenawagenfuehr53 No.

@catalinacurio

2 жыл бұрын

I love the Finnish liquorice ice cream! 😊

@paulrandig

2 жыл бұрын

And you discovered America....

@countdebleauchamp

2 жыл бұрын

Licorice, ugh. Picked herring I haven't yet tried.

I had, a former Student of mine (in Snowboarding), win 2 of those GOLD Medals for the USA! Lindsey, You ROCKED IT!! It took over 2 Decades for her to get-there, but, SHE NEVER QUIT TRYING!!! "PSR"

@tbunting22

2 жыл бұрын

Hope you didn’t teach her English.

@sirjer73

2 жыл бұрын

@@tbunting22 LOL probably PE!!!!!

@aish125

2 жыл бұрын

Congratulations!! I know no one personally,some people are from my Alma mater including Hanyu who had hard time on this Olympic.Hopefully he will keep going if he physically can.

@bencoomer2000

2 жыл бұрын

Tell her congrats for me!

@jackgraham5342

2 жыл бұрын

Well done

“I wish I’d have a whistle…” also LOVE the “Tanks for not invading” card!!! 🤣🤣🤣

"Yes, ah, Russia doesn't-a threat anyone" (0.o) Said in extreme threatening tone and menacing looking stares

@g.d.graham2446

2 жыл бұрын

Classic Russia

@nancygodsey8312

2 жыл бұрын

Didn't Russia just say a few days ago that Western countries were being hysterical because Russia wasn't going to invade. Well...

@dulcieparker7425

2 жыл бұрын

There's no middle. It's either act like NOTHING'S going on or this. Ya know.. there was no pounding fist on the table. Guess he''s saving that for the next interview!

@user-vm2ix8pj8j

Ай бұрын

​@@g.d.graham2446. The Age of Space for All Mankind - Began according to Moscow Time. according to the Time of the Country with the Capital in Moscow. Gagarin - The First Earthman who Made a Manned Flight into Space. Titov - The First Earthling who Made a Manned Daily Flight into Space. Leonov - The First Earthling who Made the Entrance into the Open Space. The First artificial satellite of the Planet Earth 🌏 - Russian Sputnik 1. The First stable Signal from Space (which Mankind managed to receive) was Sent to Planet Earth - Russian Sputnik 1. Russians are Pioneers in the Sphere of Space.

I appreciate that the "tank you" card uses a pretty nice rendition of a T-34 tank. Tank you, artist.

@luckcharlie1

2 жыл бұрын

不像T34，像IS-2， T34炮身管短。

@submarinewahoo238

2 жыл бұрын

@@luckcharlie1 Looking at the T-34's cannon is not going to be a good indicator for the drawing because it is obviously a cartoony representation. The reason why it is a T-34 is because it shows the driver's vision port to the left of the vehicle while a machine gun port is to the right. The IS-2 places the driver's vision port in the center and does not have the machine gun in the hull.

You would think a cross-country skier would take more precautions to avoid their junk freezing... for a second time!

@brothermine2292

2 жыл бұрын

Speaking from experience, it helps to have one's girlfriend to welcome you when you come in from the cold.

@mathewserrano2262

2 жыл бұрын

At this point it has to be a kink

@wildflower1397

2 жыл бұрын

Ikr? Isn't there a tiny winter coat he can wrap it up in?

@chriscorbin6980

2 жыл бұрын

He should invent a heated jock strap or use a heated sock.

@nowhereknowhow3348

2 жыл бұрын

The solution is a wool codpiece. clearly this man forgot his or omitted it to save weight.

No one boos Norway, they are so lovely and wholesome.

@g.d.graham2446

2 жыл бұрын

Agreed

@johnsmithe4656

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, Vikings are very lovely and wholesome.

@peterpeterpeter6315

2 жыл бұрын

@@johnsmithe4656 You are beeing prejudice against Norwegians, which is cruel. Being the whitest people on the planet, we really are not used to such hurt. Have to ease us into it.

@michalamuggiernst464

2 жыл бұрын

@@johnsmithe4656 😸🤺🏹⚓️🏰= 🧘🏼‍♀️🧘🏼🧘🏼‍♀️🧘🏼

@birbluv9595

2 жыл бұрын

You haven’t met my sister-in-law who has 100% Norwegian heritage.

thanks for highlighting the importance of what's happening in Ukraine!

@Kochybars

2 жыл бұрын

Forget it. Just laughting

@nikolabari68

2 жыл бұрын

It's Stephen Colbert. He just says what they tell him to say. Choose your allies and who you thank carefully. Especially when it comes to American public space.

@johnsmithe4656

2 жыл бұрын

@@nikolabari68 Yes, you must make sure to ingratiate all the dictators of the world. You never know which one will conquer your country next. Not that it matters, they will steamroll you along with the rest of your compatriots.

@dulcieparker7425

2 жыл бұрын

@@nikolabari68 Silver Lining.

Holy crap, the Russian ambassador is straight outta Central Casting

@Sjalabais

2 жыл бұрын

Ikr, what a bizarre choice of ambassador. It's like they want to play into a hollywoodized world view...wait!

@erichancock6815

2 жыл бұрын

Fitting since it is all laughably predictable political theaters between two known global liars: him swearing he isn't killing anyone & us claiming he's a threat.. like we did about Vietnam, Afghanistan, Iraq, etc.. I see Vlad has now even taken a page from the Israelites by claiming Eastern Ukraine are ancient Russian lands. It's all been done before & none of them can be trusted..

@g.d.graham2446

2 жыл бұрын

Oof

@charlie-obrien

2 жыл бұрын

He is the natural follow up to "Baghdad Bob"

@hanoc101

2 жыл бұрын

And Putin is right out of a James Bond movie

"Nobody said thank you." 😂 Would you like an edible arrangement? 🤣

@kathymullins6770

2 жыл бұрын

@Prigiyan Short GO AWAY!! GET A REAL JOB

That Russian ambassador is saying "We don't threaten anyone, we just keep our forces on sovereign Russian territory ... like the middle of Kyiv".

@sleepysera

2 жыл бұрын

Well, based on Putin's speech, he basically considers Ukraine part of Russia, so...x_X

@gregorypoe6180

2 жыл бұрын

Did any of you learn a history at school? Russia was baptized over 1000 years ago and it start with Kiev. Like 900 years before the word Ukraine been ever used. Its nice to laugh about something you have no idea...

@reviewiaid6432

2 жыл бұрын

@@gregorypoe6180 whatever youre saying doesnt justify anything they did now.

The biathlon is just the Norwegian version of a drive-by.

@peterpeterpeter6315

2 жыл бұрын

Bad ass Norwegian drive by.

@madyjules06

2 жыл бұрын

🤣

@sharonmullins1957

2 жыл бұрын

Hahahaha! Live in Detroit.............they haven't seen anything.

@diazinth

2 жыл бұрын

@@sharonmullins1957 when the winter forests go "steikje før non fine gardine"

Tanks for not invading! lmao

@katiehettinger7857

2 жыл бұрын

No, they're just shelling civilians.

During these crazy and uncertain times, Stephen always finds a way to make me smile and laugh.

@heyheytaytay

2 жыл бұрын

I envy you. Oh, to be a simpleton.

@abb0tt

2 жыл бұрын

@@heyheytaytay …and yet, here you are…lol!

@urlond9371

2 жыл бұрын

@@heyheytaytay How does it feel to be a Sheep?

@AA-jg7xm

2 жыл бұрын

Check my video clip... The Libos are even more ridiculous

@kir8379

2 жыл бұрын

cuz it does not take much, you are a shallow simpleton for sure 😄

Don’t forget Norway only has 5.4 million people. We Canucks have a lot of respect for Norwegians.

@rimehoarfrost3059

2 жыл бұрын

truth

@kalletheowner

2 жыл бұрын

The respect is mutual my friend.

Greetings from Norway🇳🇴 😆🤣😂🤣

@user-vm2ix8pj8j

Ай бұрын

The Olympic Games took place in the United States of America. 1960 Squaw Valley Olympics. - Victory of Russian Athletes in the overall medal standings. 1980 Lake Placid Olympics. - Victory of Russian Athletes in the overall medal standings. The 1960 Winter Olympics in Squaw Valley, USA. The Best Athletes of those games - Evgeny Grishin. won two (2) individual Gold medals. and Lidia Skoblikova also won two (2) individual Gold medals. The 1996 Summer Olympics, held in the United States, in Atlanta. The Best Athlete of those games - Alexey Nemov. won five (5) Individual medals, and one (1) team medal. and in Men's Swimming at the 1996 Olympic Games in Atlanta, Alexander Popov became the Best Athlete.

@user-vm2ix8pj8j

Ай бұрын

The Olympic Games took place in Lillehammer in 1994, Norway🇳🇴. - Victory🇷🇺 of Russian Athletes in the overall medal standings.

Any body part that freezes will hurt like hell when it recovers. Don't ask me how I know.

@voidblack1706

2 жыл бұрын

we don't have to. hands get really cold all the time and hurt like hell

@cybercat29

2 жыл бұрын

I know what you mean as I grew up on the family farm in Manitoba, Canada. With me, it was more frozen toes.

They said he shelled, He said they shelled. What the shell?!

@dulcieparker7425

2 жыл бұрын

Ya coulda started with.. "In a nut shell.." haha

“Get ready for higher prices on bleak.” Lol

@debramurphy4295

2 жыл бұрын

Give it six months see how this to must pass

@bunzeebear2973

2 жыл бұрын

Picture taken in front of T* tower. Black & white really shows it off...like Xray pictures.

@jc.1191

2 жыл бұрын

Seems it's the most affordable item 🤷🏻‍♀️

Gives a whole new meaning to the term "cold-cocked"

@kylestubbs8867

2 жыл бұрын

What was the original meaning?

Watching from Lithuania. Tanks for not invading.

@alaric_

2 жыл бұрын

Well, baltic states were never in any danger since joining NATO. I just hope our dumb dumb finnish leaders would do the same thing so we wouldn't have to be politically correct with Russia all the time.

I grew up in Northern Ontario... we call a frozen peen 'Coming home with more ice fishing bait than you left with'.

@M0oranshi

2 жыл бұрын

Oh my god

@1hawtMetz

2 жыл бұрын

Ahahahahaha I'm sore-y but that's just 🤘 I grew up in Southern Ontario and I guess we were safe from the peen-freeze...or maybe I was just a juene fille et j'ignorais just quel était le terme approprié 😅🤷🏼‍♀️

@mariag.8242

2 жыл бұрын

@@1hawtMetz Men’s junk is such a design fail. Why isn’t it neatly tucked inside, all warm and safe like ours, then emerge when called on? 😂

"We have no intention to invade anyone. Our troops are on Russian sovereign territory, we are not threatening anyone." That remark already aged badly and it isn't even 24 h old.

@masterroshen841

2 жыл бұрын

Agreed, and sadly, as a war historian and veteran, I am watching Putin repeat history. He is just following in Hitler's footsteps. Crimea taken without a shot, Rhineland taken without a shot by Hitler. Annexations continued until Poland when World War II started. Is Ukraine the proverbial Poland in this situation? It's obvious Putin has enough nationalist support. Hitler claimed to be helping the majority German regions of Europe, Putin claims to be helping Russians. Furthermore, look into Russian history and you will see a founding in the Viking era that shows that the majority of Russian lands were developed and added through conquest of the neighbors. If the ideology of, "I'm only reclaiming old territory," was valid then the US has a real problem. Aside from the Native Americans who could claim to retake the whole of America, you would also have the French, Spanish, and British looking to reclaim territory(See Louisiana Purchase, 13 original colonies, and Spanish-American War), but don't forget that we bought Alaska from Russia for cheap. They could just claim, "It was a bad deal and we want it back." FYI, we border them by sea in the Bering Strait. You don't see 190,000 U.S. troops on Alaska's west coast to ensure our sovereign territory. Point is Putin is full of shit and his buddy Xi is picking fights alongside him.

@artbargra

2 жыл бұрын

Strong "I'm not touching you!" vibes there.

@lactoseintolerantgaming2711

2 жыл бұрын

@@masterroshen841 Ukraine is not Poland. Remember that allied nations signed mutual defense treaties with Poland to hopefully curtail Hitler's expansion. NATO has not signed mutual defense with Ukraine. Ukraine is Czechoslovakia, where Hitler annexed parts that had "native Germans" on it, then invaded those parts in the name of "freeing them". He also kind of did that with Austria first, but Czechoslovakia is closer to how Putin is doing it as we speak. Good to know that only Putin seems to be the world leader that has learned from history and all our guys are letting it repeat. Or they decided that eastern Europe isn't worth it...

@walleyperch

2 жыл бұрын

Another lying politician? I'm shocked...

@samiam4544

2 жыл бұрын

That was the equivalent of a pro football coach getting a vote of confidence from the owner.

The "Swedish assembling their own medals" and the "Chilly Willie" combo was... deadly!

I just had a visual of Biden, Putin, and Macron in a menage-a-trois, and now I need therapy. So, so much therapy.

@danburnes722

2 жыл бұрын

At least he didn’t add T****** to the mix to make the visual even more disturbing

@grmpEqweer

2 жыл бұрын

@@danburnes722 🤮

@Washougalite1

2 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂

@Washougalite1

2 жыл бұрын

No shit!

@paulblack8887

2 жыл бұрын

Fuck, kill, marry?

Chilly willy... 😂😂 I can't imagine. Gives blue balls a different meaning for sure.

Henceforth, I petition that all of Colbert’s Putin impressions be in the voice of Doofenshmirtz…so close already 🤣

@Wild_Card69

2 жыл бұрын

Or he could get Dan Povenmire, the voice of Doof, to do so...

Metals of Freedom for all of the nighttime comedians hosts, for keeping us sane these past 6 years! 🥇

Writers: "How many dick jokes do you want to make in this monologue?" Stephen: "Yes."

@1hawtMetz

2 жыл бұрын

Hahahaha

@DARWINZOO

2 жыл бұрын

Love

@gspeth

2 жыл бұрын

In the case of the Finnish athlete’s frozen 🥶 penis, they write themselves.

@paladonis

2 жыл бұрын

Writers :"Are you sure? He could get mad" Stephen: "C'mon. It couldn't more then a little prick in the arm"

That man is an ambassador? Holy Moley!

Russia: if I attack you, the bloodshed is wholly and completely your fault. Wow 😳

Putin talks like a mob boss. That's another thing he has in common with Agent Orange.

@toniclark6029

2 жыл бұрын

US is a mob country.

@granttierney4384

2 жыл бұрын

LEX SLATE kgb yOU HAVE BEEN PILACED ON INTERPOL SERVER NSA WAVE TO YOUR WEB CAM .... /////99 .....1.1..1..2..2. 1,1,1,...1.1.1.......3.5.76.L7.. LOCATE TRANMS,,,,,,,, WE FIND YOU MAKE YOU teLLL VLAD WHAT YOU SAY ...

@ibrahimal-waheed9963

2 жыл бұрын

typical yank

@momfortruth1212

2 жыл бұрын

Putin IS a mob boss! 2nd only to Simeon Mogilevich.

@Mr.Monta77

2 жыл бұрын

Except Putin is a cunning and dangerous adversary. And Trump being just dumb but also dangerous.

Jon's facial expressions are always 10/10!

@rcpmac

2 жыл бұрын

Hair goes to 11

"We withdraw a _lot_ of troops from Kaliningrad area and nobody even sent us a 'Thank You.'" Yeah. You know, _we_ withdrew a lot of troops from the _Afghanistan_ area. Nobody even sent _us_ a "Thank you," _either._ 🤷

@chrissiek8706

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah, withdrew them troop how and how many? Planes? Sea? Cause definitely not land, we kinda would have noticed, being over the river neighbors...

@maddii34u

2 жыл бұрын

JFC 😬😬😬😬

@puzzled012

2 жыл бұрын

you do realize Kaliningrad is part of Russia, and (last time i checked) Afghanistan is not part of USA?

@kylestubbs8867

2 жыл бұрын

It’s almost like they’re asking to be rewarded for basic human decency.

@gregorypoe6180

2 жыл бұрын

Nobody ask you to come to Afghanistan in the first place, don't you learn anything from Russian mistake? Russians are in their territory, can do with their troops what ever they want.

I NEVER watch this show .. but somehow got referred this. And it's fking HILARIOUSSSSS 🤣🤣🤣

@rickkey4226

2 жыл бұрын

Welcome!

@annemettefrederiksen7751

2 жыл бұрын

Congratulations and hello 🤘

At 9:50; I wouldn’t be so bold, we Swedes can make your IKEA experience even worse [MANIACAL LAUGHTER]…

Hay Steve and those responsible for posting the show on You Tube. Thank You from one of the poor people who can’t afford cable during this Great , prosperous time in the U.S. 😘

@Stevenisbelieven

2 жыл бұрын

You are very welcome. 🤔...I guess that wasn't a blanket "thank you" for people named "Steve"? 🤔 ...FYI, 'The Late Show' is on CBS, it's broadcast for free every weeknight after the local news.

@astilealavatica1404

2 жыл бұрын

I don't haz a television. My phone is my only key to this lovely program. Dripping sarcasm looming. It's a great time to be in such a rich, prosperous America. But grateful for simple pleasures. Mitch McConnell is Emperor Palpatine Some of you will die, but that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make! - Lord Trump @Justin Y. Trump is evil. He ignored this virus until he couldn't ignore it...the steps taken have been deliberately slow to contain this virus, as the government has made huge financial gains in allowing particularly older, retired people to die...no more pay outs each month...voting, if still valid in this country...is our only peaceful, legal recourse...voting 3rd party is the ONLY WAY to get real humans in power, rather than dynasty families and career politicians. When we realize the 2 parties we are divided over LOVE the division among us...then and only then may America be great again... @Justin Y. Lack of knowledge of the deep state? I just accused our government of mass murder...I understand deep state...fact that you refuse to listen, only attack, says too much about you...clearly you haven't known hardship. Clearly none of this has impacted you negatively...you are part of the problem, offering zero solutions. @Justin Y. Calling me stupid really helps your case...Trump has very limited brain power, as evidenced by his rambling, generally repetitive, toddler talks...although most of us are sorely undereducated, Trump really amazes me every time i listen to his banter. Trump did not close the borders in time, many flights to the USA brought sick folk here. Action wasn't taken until very late February, and by then 15 confirmed cases were more than enough to basically allow what amounts to airborn, quickly lethal AIDS《why this? (Because this virus mutates too fast to create an effective vaccine, which may never get made), upon the world. This is dangerous because common behaviors of common folk, such as shoulder to shoulder events, shopping and sardine packed working conditions, helped this virus along...even as people died in China daily...America went forward 2 full months wothout any concerns...then...rather than force the hands of state officials, and put the population through a 2 month quarantine, we've been seeing states react, rather than prepare...and all at the natural stages this virus thrives on...complacency among enough of us to allow the spread to continue. You refusing to see this logic isn't a blight on my mental capacity, just proves you are as simple as our Lord Trump...and likely among those very few, who like many elites, don't even understand the plight of the masses, whom I speak for, in this contrived crisis...Trump is calm about the virus because he exists outside the bounds of common folk...Trump and other powerful people would never have to take the risk of infection seriously as they are all well protected by expendable servants or can at the least afford to continue living lavishly and distanced from peons such as myself. 9/11 was an inside job and this proves what I've feared since then...that the government can perform mass murder and the people will always just accept it, hire the next sociopath in line, whichever of the 2 evil divisionary parties they aspire to dwell in... Our educational system is archaic. We could be educating everyone from home...there are no valid excuses for our current broken schooling, and no teachers need lose jobs...as the internet is an amazing communication device... Taxes are broken. Your dollar earned gets hit so many times...and we all just accept that blindly. Medicine is broken. My grandmother died because her selfish daughter needed cable tv more than grandma needed diabetes medicine...and millions suffer from the inability to afford insulin, despite that drug initially starting out as a gift to humanity from a generous genius, privatized by evil and greed, priced beyond reality for most. Our 2 party system is designed to keep us bickering...division keeps us docile enough to accept our own government conspiring to murder us, with our acceptance. 3rd party candidates are generally real humans...that care about other humans, even, gasp, total strangers and foreigners... We are all on the same damn spaceship...Earth. I judge character...not race, not whatever religion folks are born into. I am old...I am tired of seeing disaster after disaster get slow attention from government, as poor people die in thousands due to delayed or nonexistent help. It's about time the many take control, with votes, to dethrone the sociopaths that control us, play games with our very lives... When there are only voluntary homeless, when the janitor is paid living wage, when a high school graduate can earn enough in food service, or retail, to support a modest home and essentials, while creating a nest egg...when veterans are given the same care as Congress, Senate and other positions of highest power, rather than left to suffer and die, when the lowest paying jobs are enough to survive on, then and only then, can America boast of being great... As it stands...I feel most of us are born into lies we have no control over...It's well orchestrated, as my points are made clear in every satirical broadcast about the plight of the expendable masses, world wide... Do I want peace, equity and kumbaya? Yeah...I do...are there sociopaths in power oppressing the common folk...yeah...there are...have good Democrats and Republicans existed? Yes...they get blocked by evil at every turn, often resigning due to unbeatable corruption. Do I pity the very people I label simple? You bet I do...I want this planet to be a better place for most...not some...for all...if ever possible... This covid virus isn't done. It mutates too fast to pin it down with a vaccine...and we haven't seen the end of it because we, as a planet, would have to agree on a few ground rules to consider being a functional society. That's my 2 cents...some of it...take it or leave it. Most of us just exist and watch, lazily, rather than get directly involved in change. @soaringvulture We don't seem to take note...we, the expendable masses, are being told to push through life ignoring this virus...it took ONE infection to start a Planet Wide Pandemic...and because we didn't quarantine from January 1st to February, we get to watch innocent and otherwise lives lost, daily...who are "we", in "we're in it together"? Certainly not the elite...they step on us to avoid harm...I'm furious with humanity as a whole...I'm furious we accept all this death and Trump's toddler talks...like a Ted talk without useful insight... Those of us suffering are many...while the privileged watch the show They created...when...when will the common folk unite against tyranny, through the only peaceful means we have...vote out career politicians and dynasty families in favor of fellow human beings, with consciousness and compassion for the lowest among us. We won't stop the cycle of abuse by trading Democrats and Republicans, two sides of the same evil, corrupt coin. Vote 3rd party...vote for real people, with flaws, that understand what struggle is...that have put time behind any of these so called essential, yet minimum wage jobs... This economy is screwed...always has been. The vast majority of work available is menial labor...food service, retail, janitors, grocers...a great many take their wages in government...which is far too big, complex and unsustainable... Until any job can offer a modest secure household, until the only homeless are those who volunteer to live "free"...until the pill giants are mandated to make life saving medicine reasonably priced...we are a selfish, horrid nation, divided by the very people that oppress us, yet too busy fighting amongst ourselves to take any useful action towards a better tomorrow for the MANY, not the FEW......

@Kim.Miller

2 жыл бұрын

@@Stevenisbelieven Not everywhere, Steve. I have to watch on Paramount on my Roku. There is no such icon for CBS.

@FranP222

2 жыл бұрын

@@astilealavatica1404 I read your comment in it’s entirety. You make many good points, but unfortunately the majority of them are not attainable. I agree that things must change. The small percenters at the top, those forming a 2 party system, have no idea, or don’t care about what the rest of the population wants or needs - better wages, affordable health care, affordable medicine, etc. I just spent 2 months in hospital and I can’t imagine what it would have cost me, even with insurance, if I was living in the USA. In Canada there are usually 5 parties running for election. The top 3 elected form the government. It’s the same for the provincial governments. It better represents the peoples’ wishes, and makes passing laws much easier as the third party, the second minority elected, can vote ‘yay’ or ‘nay’ on any proposed legislation that best represents the needs of their constituents. Overall, good comment. Lots to think about.

@debnelson5522

2 жыл бұрын

Cable is expensive

as a finnish person it's always great to see our country in the penis-related headlines

@transcrobesproject3625

2 жыл бұрын

Well you have had to compete with the Danes recently, so definitely!

@daemenoth

2 жыл бұрын

in the southern states it's more related to the penis headlines :O

I think I have solved the Fermi Paradox. There's no other life in the universe because when life reached our level, it divides into 2 parts. The ones who die from doing stupid and the ones who die laughing at them.

Funny about those troop withdrawals Amb. Antonov talked about. He mentioned where they were from -- the border with the Baltic States and the former East Prussia, but he didn't mention where the troops were withdrawn to. Could it be they went to Eastern Ukraine or Belarus rather than Siberia or the outskirts of Moscow? Inquiring minds want to know.

@ahoyturtle

2 жыл бұрын

You know what they say: A charge is just a withdrawal in reverse...

@dulcieparker7425

2 жыл бұрын

To a "nicer" part of another country so they can get that much needed thank you note.

@Orocnogu

2 жыл бұрын

What do you even mean by "East Prussia"?

@Svitojus

2 жыл бұрын

Belarus-Ukrainian border.

@Orocnogu

2 жыл бұрын

Why not call the area "central Pangea" then

Seriously! "Do not start a frickin war..."!!

These jokes are LANDING tonight...! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Slartibartfast won an award for Norway's coastline. He's going to be miffed you didn't mention that. Tuesday mornings are a real joy now because Stephen finally returns from his weekend hiatus. 🎉🎊🎈✨💖😎

@LFTRnow

2 жыл бұрын

Particularly the fiddly bits and nice crinkly edges.

@esteemedmortal5917

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, those are some fine fjords!

@tdsims1963

2 жыл бұрын

Great remark!!

@chininhk

2 жыл бұрын

I hope that you get 42 likes 😜

You all rocked it tonight, I LOLd a lot. A faithful watcher.

Awww poor markets. When the shelling starts, the selling starts.

@orlock20

2 жыл бұрын

The dumb money sells. The smart money buys. Remember to buy low and sell high and not to buy high and try to sell higher.

Tanks for not invading 😂😂😂🤣🤣

Congrats Norway👏🏾 Well done👍🏾

@matseporamaboli4275

2 жыл бұрын

@@Vedgitable...sister

The writers had a field day with the frozen appendage bit

So why the heck aren't we sending dachshunds to Ukraine?

Stephen, the Russian Egg Doll bit and the dog that came in was a stroke of pure genius. The entire monologue was on fire. Your writers keep outdoing themselves. Ménage A Trois joke made me scream out loud with laughter

@tyrant-den884

2 жыл бұрын

Hey, Biden is the one who's apparently willing to meet with Putin in "any format".

@Kim.Miller

2 жыл бұрын

@@tyrant-den884 He was just clarifying Zoom/Skype etc. And that it wouldn't be bent over, the way Fat Nixon met with Putin in Helsinki.

@tyrant-den884

2 жыл бұрын

@@Kim.Miller so your the type who can't take joke unless it's at the expense of someone's weight.

@chrissiek8706

2 жыл бұрын

@@tyrant-den884 it's not about weight, bootlicker.

Reminds me of the Beginning of World war II. Official language at that time - September 1, 1939: 'Seit 5:45 wird zurückgeschossen' (since 5:45 AM we are shooting back) alleging that Poland started an attack on Germany. Which was a pre fabricated lie. Watching a documentary about the time from before the start of the war (1938 - 1939) and how political leaders of other countries willingly or unkowingly played into the hands of a powerdrunken man, gives you the chills. It is frightening to see history repeating itself.

@shannehilleman2712

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, very.

@cal2780

2 жыл бұрын

Maybe Mexico would like to take back the territory ceded to the U.S., in 1848. Starting with Texas......please. For those of you who don't know history: Fun fact, Mexico 'owned' California, Nevada, Utah, Arizona, part of Colorado and New Mexico.😎

Russia: "We remove our troops from the Baltic borders and nobody thank us", Real reason! We need all our troops at the Ukraine border. 🤣😂🤣

@granttierney4384

2 жыл бұрын

UKRAINE AND RUSSIA WERE EXERCISING WAR GAMES TRICKED BIDEN INTO PROPING UP AN IMAGINARY WAR . THEY MADE THIER DEAL FOR POWER AND PROTECTION WITHOUT NEEDING TO CALL ON OR ADVISE THE UNITED STATES .. NO TO NATO IN UKRAINE UNSOLDSIERS HAVE DEVOLVED INTO STORMTREOOPERS $4000 EUROS / DAY TO BEAT UP PASSIVE NON VIOLENT PEOPLE THE SPONSORS OF THIS SHOW USED TO KNOW HOW TO MAKE A NOISE NOW ITS BLABLABLA TRUMP BLA HILLARY BLAAA YTHE WALLLLL BLA ..................................................................L

@jonmcfarmer6954

2 жыл бұрын

@@granttierney4384 So Russia taking Crimea, was that a part of the war game too, comrade❓😂🤣😂

Putin's new military policy: Donetsk, don't tell.

@rajeevgangal542

2 жыл бұрын

Intelligent comment!

@tomhossain2099

2 жыл бұрын

Excellent wordplay

Stay safe y'all, this world is one crazy ball

@masterwindu1234

2 жыл бұрын

y'all

4:48 As someone who's Ukrainian (by parents), if a Russian boy surrounded my house with tanks, I'd assume he'd be wanting to invade my southern regions, so yeah, I'd still be weary of that.

@MrStolboy

2 жыл бұрын

Ukcrop

@dulcieparker7425

2 жыл бұрын

yup

@sion8

2 жыл бұрын

*+*

Pootie needs to realise that pissing on everything doesn't automatically make something his.

@kenna163

2 жыл бұрын

He pissed on Trump

"We don't threaten anyone." Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Sure.

Colbert was so off the rails today 😂 😂

I started laughing as soon as I read, Russia wants a "Thank You". I don't even need to know any context. That's funny shit. 😂

@reeferseasalt

2 жыл бұрын

USA!! USA!! lol

Putin? A peace keeper?? For a part of Eastern Ukraine?? 🤣🤣🤣 A passing Aussie

@chrissiek8706

2 жыл бұрын

That's a prime Russian humor (pronounced yumour) for you!

@buddhacook1087

2 жыл бұрын

@@chrissiek8706 luv ur accent, spot on 👍🙂

Solid bunch of scandi jokes tonight, applause to all the writers! 👏👏👏 Also, the finnish interview with frozen penis man was amazing, I feel like being a journalist you must have peaked when you ask an olympic athlete if he feels he will be able to ever procreate again and you just get a stonefaced NO for an answer. 😗👌 Greetings from Finland!🇫🇮

@sylviamontaez3889

2 жыл бұрын

its the worst case of blueballs ive ever seen

@knyghtryder3599

2 жыл бұрын

Tervetuloa!!

Feels weird watching this knowing that since this aired, Russia has invaded.

This is one of the funniest clips ever. My neighbors a mile away could hear me non stop laughing out loud 😂🤣🤣

@Turnpost2552

2 жыл бұрын

Get Help

@Svitojus

2 жыл бұрын

Damn… I found this clip so dissapointing. If Colbert is any indication to what US is - its chilling to see this feast on a doorstep of Putin gaining momentum and almost unified approval to his actions. Remember: Hitler did not have nukes.

@tdsims1963

2 жыл бұрын

@@Svitojus I am curious and I hope you will answer me honestly: Do you think Russia should absorb the Ukraine even though the Ukrainians consider themselves to be a sovereign nation? Should the rest of the world turn aside and mind its own business? Would you feel the same way if China decided to invade the US? Would you understand if Russia and the rest of the world muttered "Not my problem" and refused to assist? Thanks in advance for your answer.

@Svitojus

2 жыл бұрын

@@tdsims1963 That is what I am trying to convey here: a madman is threatening with a loaded gun and we are telling him he will have to pay a fine if he shoots. That is how sadly the West is misjudging Putins motivation or drive. For him this is an act of vengeance, and West thinks that rational decisions will cool him down. Putin has unlimited money, because Russia is his pocket. His friends will just tax the people directly and indirectly. They will have that money back in no time. Putin fears time and his people only. He does not fear ruining his country, because he treats it as a tool to cause pain. A tiger who tastes human flash and blood will never be afraid to kill again, but rather gain a craving.

@tdsims1963

2 жыл бұрын

@@Svitojus A very interesting response. I have been watching this as much as I can and I sincerely hope that everyone involved will work to find the best solution possible. Putin has been gunning for The Ukraine for quite some time now and I know that it must due to the fact that he is not as a.) powerful as perceived and 2.) There are resources that he desperately needs. These are the usual reasons for such actions. He has never been secretive about his aims for a reunified Russia, be it Soviet or otherwise. I am certain that the Baltic nations are following his moves with great interest. Don't fault Stephen Colbert for his monologue, though. He is a comedian first with a deep interest in the world of politics. His job is to make amusing commentary, not to necessarily inform or make policy. It is a pity that our comedians are looked to for political and moral guidance because that is not their function. It is a sad commentary of the times we live in.

Just watch the Russian ambassador eyes as he works his way through his reply.

A "gratitude gathering" was held on Vancouver's Jack Poole Plaza on Monday night to thank healthcare workers and others working on the front lines during the COVID-19 pandemic. Thank you to all the front-line workers who work so hard for all of us.

@granttierney4384

2 жыл бұрын

DID THEY GIVE THOSE WORKER S BENEFITS OR A RAISE OR MAYBE 1K CASH BONUS OR JUST SOME PAID LEAVE ... FRONT LINE WORKERS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HEROES NEVER GIVEN ANYTHING AND RELIED UPON BY EVERYTHING ALLL JOBS ARE ESSSENTIEL WE ALL NEED TO SURVIVE

@g.d.graham2446

2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely

@lorhay2522

2 жыл бұрын

GO VANCOUVER! Despite all of the radicals trying to destroy our beautiful country, I am still a proud Canadian. ☺️

@sebastiannemeth-ramirez2160

2 жыл бұрын

@@lorhay2522 Ontario here. We have our problems, but there's still no other place I'd rather live than right here.

@lorhay2522

2 жыл бұрын

@@sebastiannemeth-ramirez2160 I’m also Ontario (Ottawa). 👊🏼

The jokes are crisp today!

9:43 Norway (5.3 M), Sweden (10.3 M) and Germany (83.3 M) Whooped US (329.5M)+China (1.400M). Europe FTW 😀 . Universal Healthcare and love your neighbor FTW !

They used the good old one "we are coming here to give em freedom"

You Sir are a national treasure! Thank you for the chuckles, Mr. Colbert!

2:21 A shell game, if you will.

"So did you win a gold medal or are you just glad to see me?" "I'm actually not kidding....I'm ROCK HARD!!"

Well.. since those separatists lived in Ukraine, modern and recognized borders, and were offered Russian passports long ago, like in Crimea, then they can FLY or cross the border to mother Russia, and stay the hell there where they should have went long ago. Just because they declare themselves Russians, doesn't mean the land goes with them..

@chrissiek8706

2 жыл бұрын

Ah, you're making mistake if thinking logically about Russia 😅 umom Rosiyu neponiat

@ursaltydog

2 жыл бұрын

@@chrissiek8706 Rather Putin cannot be understood with the normal mind.. ;)

i am still waiting on the real result of the Superbowl, that thing ain't over till the recounts come in.

Hey Stephen, you fill the throne of Johnny Carson! THANK YOU, you have been my happy place for years😍

The Netherlands also won 8 gold medals at these Olympics.

Norway also won the Olympic Gold in beach volleyball, 400m hurdles, 1500m and triathlon 2 years ago, but yeah winter and stuff😁

Bring back CONFESSIONS !!!

That guy is really dedicated to his sport if this has happened before and he keeps at it. I understand he wears a lightweight suit, but I would definitely insulate that area rather than risk losing it.

What do Norway have? Uh, Crown Funds that own about 1•5% of The World's markets, if cashed in makes every member of the population a $ multimillionaire. And they score at the top end of all surveys on quality of life, happiness etc.

@DuchessofEarlGrey

2 жыл бұрын

Shh, shhh, American's don't like being told they're not the greatest country in the world, let them have that fantasy or they throw a hissyfit, shhh

@johnsmithe4656

2 жыл бұрын

@@DuchessofEarlGrey AMERICA. BEST. ALL REST. WORST. AMERICA. GOD. REST. NO GOD. UGA BOOGA BOOGALOO.

@DBWELDER100

2 жыл бұрын

Pretty sure he was just making a joke

@madyjules06

2 жыл бұрын

@@DuchessofEarlGrey American here, your comment is sadly true (& hilarious) Think I’ll make myself feel a little bit better with a cup of Earl Grey tea…

@Fay-el

2 жыл бұрын

According to American right wings, Norway is a socialist commie country because of their benefits... Imagine that

"no one even sent us a thank you." It is amazing how an immature, rude, crude, crass, and inept man managed to change the political discourse not only in his own country but with leaders around the world.

@MK_ULTRA420

2 жыл бұрын

Tbh that's the appropriate response to western journalists and media pundits like Colbert.

@leavingitblank9363

2 жыл бұрын

...and then there's Putin.

Oh look Stephen, what have you done. You've brought out the subtle rivalry between the Swedes, Finns and Norwegians and one Dane. Let's just say they all have pickled herring, liquorice, expensive alcohol, and the best health care in the world. Despite pickled herrings and liquorice they're still the happiest countries in the world.✌🙌

@Realbillball

2 жыл бұрын

Our rivalry is rivalry for grown-ups. We roast each other all the time, but don't try to get between us.

@funface4

2 жыл бұрын

@@Realbillball I know. I have lived in the Nordic countries. It's a friendly rivalry.

1:30 this was the perfect dog for this joke 👏

Front to back solid monologue, Stephen👍👍👍🤣🤣🤣👏👏👏👏!!

@reeferseasalt

2 жыл бұрын

It was amazing lol

Nice try Stephen, "pickled herring" that'd be Sweden, and "licorice", Finland.

@GHinWI

2 жыл бұрын

…ok, but “petroleum” isn’t very funny.

@bovibe

2 жыл бұрын

@@GHinWI I'd say “lye fish” is funnier than “pickled herring” though.

Hearing that story about that guy's frozen junk made me think of the meme of Christopher Lloyd screaming, "I was frozen today!" 😉😂🤣😂🤣

Sooo glad you're back. Love watching your show. Thank you for the laughs its needed these days.

@jonathanweiss8955

2 жыл бұрын

It’s you’re

@NiecieSavo

2 жыл бұрын

@@jonathanweiss8955 who cares? You still know what it says

@Tvensky86

2 жыл бұрын

Its funny when its true.. sadly this show is as mainstream as main News.. and mostly misleading, so I hope we all have multiple sources of "jokes".

Congratulations to Norway. Sorry to the US. Came in only 4th.

Russian puppet ambassador: We don' threaten anyone and we withdrew our troops away from Baltic States and they don' even tell us tank you!". I have no idea how the 60 minutes lady kept it together. I would have been rolling under the table with incredulous laughter.

Stephen, in these tense times you manage to get us to laugh, you, and your writers are brilliant!!! Thank you abundantly.

@RebeccaLynnMusic

2 жыл бұрын

???

@granttierney4384

2 жыл бұрын

STEPHEN PAYS HIS STAFFF TO COMMENT ON FAKE ACCOUNTS OF FACEBOOK FOLLOWERS YOUR PART OF THAT LEGACY MEDIA THATS GETTING RUBBED OUT . THE ECLIPSE NEXT MONTH WILL MAKE THE OBJECTS VISIBLE

Too dead on. Laughing on the way to hell.

I really loved the Russian nesting doll joke, that really got me! Very clever! 🤣

5:12 Stephen and Jon's reactions after this statement have me 🤣🤣😂😅

We are all on a rock floating through space! Our rock is so very small compared to just our solar system, and yet we are fighting over a small piece of land on this small rock... No wonder aliens won't talk to us...

@DeepThought420

2 жыл бұрын

@Niamh De Na Crainn Arda Edited thank you I was going back and forth on it 😆

@toadjiang7626

2 жыл бұрын

True. Like that quote from Carl Sagan's famous 'Pale Blue Dot' speech "Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot."

@1hawtMetz

2 жыл бұрын

@@toadjiang7626 Ah love that. Carl Sagan, American hero. 💫

@1hawtMetz

2 жыл бұрын

@@toadjiang7626 edit: *Universal human hero

@tyrant-den884

2 жыл бұрын

Have you seen Ukraine? The place is huge.

I absolutely adore Stephen Colbert. Favorite late night host.

@Mark-oi9rf

2 жыл бұрын

That’s like saying he’s your favorite kernel of unpopped popcorn…they all suck

@dionringgold

2 жыл бұрын

@@Mark-oi9rf you’re entitled to your own opinions. You are not entitled to your own facts. I hope you wake up tomorrow in a better mood and remember , it’s okay to be wrong. And yes, you’re wrong.

@katrose5179

2 жыл бұрын

Stephen. Not Steven.

@AA-jg7xm

2 жыл бұрын

He's a Kosher shill... Limited hangout

@CheersNE

2 жыл бұрын

Yes they do! Especially for those of us with no sense of humor, education or access to actual news sources.

Norway does not just have pickled herring. It has an award winning coastline.

@dalelange764

2 жыл бұрын

A Hitchhikers Guide reference? 👍

@Youtube_Stole_My_Handle_Too

2 жыл бұрын

Pickled herring, that's Sweden. He's confused - as always.

@tweegeTX3

2 жыл бұрын

@@dalelange764 It’d want to have A reference Dale cos at the moment it’s just a shit line

@sophierobinson2738

2 жыл бұрын

Slartibartfast was really proud. (Predictive text got it at "s-l-a-r".)

@g.d.graham2446

2 жыл бұрын

Wouldn't be surprised

That's like someone slapping you and being angry that you didn't say "thank you" for them not slapping you a second time! Or someone threatening to slap you but being angry that you didn't say "thank you" for them not actually slapping! Bahahahahaha!

10/10 on tonight’s monologue

Swedish person here. Congratulations to all and especially Norway. Quite an achievement from Norway with its 5.4 Million people. This does NOT mean we like you Norway....

@Justusson

2 жыл бұрын

Another Swede here. What are you talking about? Of course we love Norway! 😊

@kholdanstaalstorm6881

2 жыл бұрын

Likewise sweet brother, the Nordic countries have a special relationship. Can't help feeling national pride in these days, as we are no 1!

@jamesgoines7663

2 жыл бұрын

You tell 'em Swede!

@darkstorminc

2 жыл бұрын

At least it wasn't Iceland or Greenland

@Vikotnick

2 жыл бұрын

@@Justusson Yes we love them... But don't tell them that.

Good 'ole 'Rootin' Tootin' Vladimir Putin is at it again...YEE HAW! I can just see him ridin' into the Ukraine, shirtless, on the back of a bear.

@tdsims1963

2 жыл бұрын

Great imagery ☺️👍!

Nothing personnel Norway. We're just sore losers😂😂