“As of later today, Romney never supported gay marriage”

@matthew8153

2 жыл бұрын

Reminds of of when Hillary tried to make people forget she used to be against gays.

Romney coldly raising that pistol to Romney's head. I legit Loled.

@rohitrai6187

4 жыл бұрын

no

@JacquesLapeyre

4 жыл бұрын

@@rohitrai6187 Yes. It was funny. If you didn't find it funny, oh well. Not everyone can have a sense of humor.

@youngpark9729

4 жыл бұрын

@@JacquesLapeyre holy fuck I didn't think you would respond to that after almost a year.

@warrcoww6717

4 жыл бұрын

You... “legit loled”... Jesus Christ, you come straight from 2010?

@JacquesLapeyre

4 жыл бұрын

@@warrcoww6717 it may come as a surprise to one so young as you, but people existed before the 21st century. I actually come from the year 1981.

"Wait, I'm a conservative?" "Always have been." *CLICK*

@turbowarrior23

3 жыл бұрын

Underrated comment ^^^

@benjaminreynolds3780

3 жыл бұрын

@@aidan4337 he's a conservative. Why can't he march with BLM? They are not the violent ones.

@benjaminreynolds3780

3 жыл бұрын

@@aidan4337 I think Romney is fine. Even if BLM is for communism, I'm sure Mitt Romney wasn't doing it for that.

@fibrespider4502

3 жыл бұрын

@@aidan4337 could you give some examples of marxist communist protest groups whose main interests were racial equality? Generally for hardline left wing groups (such as marxism) class consciousness, the redistribution of wealth/capital and the lower and working classes from the upper/ruling class owning the means of production (for example, the workers in a factory, owning said factory) and generally the violent overthrow of the existing system and regime, often through some form of revolution and the replacement of the former system with a socialist one, which will attempt to transition to a communist economic system. (Please note, this is why you get communist parties in socialist countries, such as the USSR, Cuba, Vietnam and china before the dengist reforms transitioning the state from Maoist communism to something more akin to a form of state capitalism with socialist elements.) However to truly understand what Marxism is that you need to know that none of what I've already said matters and there is at least one exception to each concept, the main reason for this is that Marx didn't finish his work so Marxism has branched from classical and revisionist marxism, and then from there into a host of splinter groups (Maoism, trotskyism, Leninism, stalinism, marxo - leninism, titoism, hoxhaism, Luxemburgism, etc) I would also like to note that not all forms of Marxism are authoritarian (the marxo-leninist ideologies are pretty much the only authoritarian/totalitarian ones, it was one of the things marx and engels didn't really get round to). Anyway sorry for the word wall, I don't want to antagonise you, just to explain why I disagree with you, I would argue that BLM as a movement is much closer to progressivism and some social democratic ideals, rather than Marxism.

@jimmothy1916

3 жыл бұрын

@@aidan4337 why is communism laced into every civil rights movements? Even MLK was with them

"Pepsi making refreshments a central issue in the election" at the beginning. "Everyone drink your chocolate milk" at the end. All hail Eternal President Romney.

@namethathasntbeentakenyetm3682

4 жыл бұрын

Praise be to his Romnesty

@Artyomthewalrus

4 жыл бұрын

Happy Mitt to you my good sir

@hunter1586

3 жыл бұрын

I remember 2008 election

@Crimson_Valor

3 жыл бұрын

Chocolate milk is the best man, been saying it for years

@Seventhsu

2 жыл бұрын

They predicted the creation of pilk 9 years ago

I love getting recommended political parodies of elections I'm too young to remember

@Iluvpie6

3 жыл бұрын

Oh my

@kristjanpeil

3 жыл бұрын

Take a gander at Six Million Dollar Man, s01e01 (1973) Cool to watch how much has changed, and how much has not.

@Line...

3 жыл бұрын

thanks now I feel old for remembering

@jango7889

3 жыл бұрын

@@Line... yeah wtf its only been 8 years im not that fuckin old

@barryhomeowner9293

3 жыл бұрын

oh my god how young are you? I'm only 20 and i remember. Wait... that means the first election you remember was Trump's... Jesus

I want to live in the onion reality

@DannySullivanMusic

5 жыл бұрын

Open your eyes. You're already there.

@f4tornado450

5 жыл бұрын

Even that one episode with humanity building a device to make itself go extinct because the whole world is so terrible no one even wants to live anymore?

@ohmygod419

4 жыл бұрын

@@f4tornado450 especially that one

@snakeyman5560

4 жыл бұрын

Where America is in crumbles and China is all but ash.

@hellmasterx

4 жыл бұрын

we alredy are you fool!

The 2012 election was even more convoluted than I remember it being.

@TheNoiseySpectator

4 жыл бұрын

Oh, yes! Don't forget how contentious things used to be just because they are even worse now!

@babyvision6924

4 жыл бұрын

2024: meh, who cares anymore?

@Jalae

3 жыл бұрын

@@babyvision6924 JLC2024 cares. we need more time traveler presidents.

@ErikPT

3 жыл бұрын

So this is where Amelia’s time machine went.

@capncake8837

3 жыл бұрын

Yup.

I love how absolutely insanely over the top the intro graphics are. You were glorious while you lasted, Onion News Network. Thank you for your service

@richardai1894

3 жыл бұрын

now they have a podcast. they have fallen so far

@vctoothpick1455

3 жыл бұрын

@@richardai1894 ikr, podcasts are the worst

@matthew8153

2 жыл бұрын

@@richardai1894 They created so many parodies that they are now a parody of themselves.

@jingles123456789ify

Жыл бұрын

@@richardai1894 They don't even have that podcast anymore either. Clickhole is still great though

@slushy3943

Жыл бұрын

@@matthew8153 it’s actually just funding reasons why they stopped making videos like thus

"Future Romney from 2016" That didn't age well.

@francoisrossouw9864

4 жыл бұрын

No, the 2016 Romney killed the 2012 Romney thus he lost the election.

@ALotOfCancer

4 жыл бұрын

Honestly seems like current Romney would actually do this lol

@newbrood87

3 жыл бұрын

Somewhere between when this video was posted and 2016, the timeline deviated from a timeline where Mitt Romney is the president of the US

@castonyoung7514

3 жыл бұрын

@@newbrood87 Time splits are what you get for killing your past self.

@christianmoore7109

3 жыл бұрын

they just got the date wrong. That Romney is actually from 2024

I'm not a fan of Mitt Romney, but I approve of this cunning use of time travel.

@yassharthmanitripathi5980

3 жыл бұрын

Just reminding you of this video and your comment after 7 years. 😂

@funkyfinn1

3 жыл бұрын

@@yassharthmanitripathi5980 I’m pretty sure they are joking

@Runny117

3 жыл бұрын

@@funkyfinn1 there is no joking here. Good Mitt to you sir

@Crimson_Valor

3 жыл бұрын

I approve of chocolate milk

@najeaishere8816

2 жыл бұрын

Then I hope u are prepared to dump all your income into the money hole

1:49 "Candidates Courting America's Only Remaining Small-Business Owner" Yesterday's satire is tomorrow's reality

@MrCrashDavi

3 жыл бұрын

+

I looked down, and suddenly there was a glass of chocolate milk in my hands. Had it been here all along? Just to be sure, I pledged allegiance to His Romnesty.

@brooklyna007

Жыл бұрын

Any man who gives chocolate milk to all deserves to be president for life.

@alielkhoumsi4376

9 ай бұрын

@@brooklyna007*eternity

I DEMAND WHO IS THE MAN WITH NO EYES?

@DannySullivanMusic

5 жыл бұрын

I still want to know too!

@rag3ac334

4 жыл бұрын

It’s a scp reference

@snakeyman5560

4 жыл бұрын

@@rag3ac334 nawh

@johnmedina4286

4 жыл бұрын

Standing in the dark room, the baby yells, make the baby sleep once more.

@RoroRoseD

4 жыл бұрын

WHAT IS CHINA

The fact that Romney made recent statements criticizing both Trump and Biden make this all the more hilarious

@rum-ham

Жыл бұрын

Not really. A lot traditional conservatives, especially in Utah, hate Trump.

@user-kh6xp3md3v

10 ай бұрын

​@@rum-hamNever Trump republicans are primarily Mormons,most likely due to Romney

"Brief glimpses of faceless men" Is that a Doctor Who reference I hear? Kudos if it is.

@Sammy_82

3 жыл бұрын

And that chocolate men in black reference.

The graphics are just ridiculous.

@kalfrey534

6 жыл бұрын

ElleRoni this was 5 years ago you idiot. Of course the quality is not 100

@mynameisblue6964

4 жыл бұрын

Kalfrey lol do u read when the comment was made? The original comment was made the year this was posted

@wolfie8012

4 жыл бұрын

@@mynameisblue6964 lol!

@MrSlanderer

4 жыл бұрын

Kalfrey So stupid...

@MexBaker

4 жыл бұрын

@@kalfrey534 r/woosh this is satire so the over the top graphics are poking fun of news channels that do this lol

Apparently, he failed to kill the Future Romeny that's giving out 1,000 checks to everyone.

@dashiellgillingham4579

4 жыл бұрын

@Mialisus Huh. I just had an interesting thought, reading this. When people write alternate history it almost always looks better than the reality we got. Not always; but most of the time. It's unforeseen events that cause issues, not predictable ones. If major issues were predictable, we would solve them before we had them. In fact we usually do. It's ill-preparedness for nonsense to rain down in the future that makes regimes fail.

@grovercleveland8572

4 жыл бұрын

If you are talking about that two trillion stimulus, Romney abstained on that bill.

@matthewstuckenbruck5834

4 жыл бұрын

And that voted to impeach Trump

@sleepyleftie

3 жыл бұрын

@@dashiellgillingham4579 nah. Folks have warned us About Climate crisis, horrific inequality and the rise of neofascism the last fifty years.

@bable6314

2 жыл бұрын

@@sleepyleftie And they were wrong on all 3 counts lol.

When I saw that detailed 3D model of the time machine spinning around with lightning and shit I spat my drink all over my desk.

@joseville

3 жыл бұрын

Ah yes, the classic chocolate milk spit take. We've all had them and it's oft a point of discussion on national chocolate milk day. Good Mitt to you!

31 people didnt have a good mitt

I love the over dramatic intro. It's so hilarious and typical of most news stations.

What a relief. I thought I was the only one being pursued by the Seekers of NeverWhen.

@labibbidabibbadum

5 жыл бұрын

We are coming for you yesterday. Bad Mitt to you.

@TheNoiseySpectator

4 жыл бұрын

How does other people being pursued by Seekers help _you_ ?

@amaz0nsmash

4 жыл бұрын

@@TheNoiseySpectator it's merely a temporary ease if knowing you're not the only one struggling. Others know your pain

@TheNoiseySpectator

4 жыл бұрын

@@amaz0nsmash I see. Temporary indeed, because that doesn't really _do anything_ to make you more safe from them. In fact, if the Seekers are after both of them, and they find one of them, then the Seekers could learn from that one some things to help them find the other one, too! 😒

@TheNoiseySpectator

4 жыл бұрын

@@amaz0nsmash Unless, there are a limited number of these Seekers, so they can't hunt down _everyone_ as efficiently because there is a lower ration of pursuers to pursued. Except, because the Seekers can go back in time, any one of them could exist in many locations at any given moment, so that doesn't help either. Actually, we haven't heard from "iknow things" for about five years. I wonder if they got him? 🤷‍♂️

The Onion could be so great in the age of deepfakes

@siobhandecleir1006

3 жыл бұрын

The Onion invented deepfakes, and now reality as we know it is a deepfake

All hail his Romnesty! This is genius; really one of the Onion's best yet.

@mattmorehouse9685

2 жыл бұрын

Indeed. I was not prepared for the time skip at the end. Though we seem to have veered off into another timeline where political power is in the hands of daytime tv stars. It was a weird timeline.

Chocolate milk as the national drink? Best Romney plan I've heard so far.

Proof that onion actually has a time machine.

@gratka0414

2 жыл бұрын

btw, this is 900th comment

@halicusdiaarcan102

2 жыл бұрын

Congrats! 🎉

I died at the "brief glimpses of faceless men" part 🤣🤣🤣

I love how they both have Mitt-hair at the end of the video. Hahahahilarious. Good Mitt to you.

"New abstinence program to focus on how much sex hurts."

Glad to know everything went ok

How did they predict Endgame?

So our romney is going to kill 4 year younger romney?

@redcoat4348

4 жыл бұрын

maybe 2020 romney is going to kill the 2012 Romney that actually acted like a Republican instead of impeaching a Republican incumbent.

@Trist314

3 жыл бұрын

@@redcoat4348 well describing trump as a republican is putting it strongly.

@maxhydekyle2425

3 жыл бұрын

2021 Romney is probably just gonna go back and tell 2010 Romney not to run for president until 2016.

1:20 "More corporate money has been pumped into 2012 campaigns since the Ford Presents the Pfizer 2000 U.S. Election' Hey, we got the Pfizer 2020 election.

@matthew8153

2 жыл бұрын

The onion always predicts everything.

5 years, 531 videos and I'm still unconvinced the Onion is a parody news source.

Good Mitt to all of you too!

I laughed when I was drinking chocolate milk and she was like, "let's drink chocolate milk"

"You can't do that! You'll cause a Time Paradox!" TIME PARADOX Game Over.

I think this is honestly one of the best videos The Onion has ever done. It's right up there with the post-election Obama zombies and the panel discussing the regulation of suicide vests.

wait. He flip flopped again LOL

As Seen On: Marijuana Growing.

@SalreixVonOtsuu

3 жыл бұрын

oh my god its daddy shaym

@samscrib8719

3 жыл бұрын

Damn, after all these years.

@emilioalexandrakis5162

3 жыл бұрын

Dr gayim why are you gay.

Good Mitt to all and to all a Good Mitt!

"Show allegiance to his Romnesty"

The TVA is definitely going to prune him...

Piper was hot till the Romney time slip causality changed her . Damn you Romney and your master plan !! Wait....does that mean I can have multiple wives now ? Nevermind that would also mean multiple divorces too. There's always a catch .😫😔

Well Fox news & the Daily Mail are trying their best to catch up with the high water mark the Onion has set for them Great comment Psykomancer!

Is no one gonna talk about that amazing fucking intro

Romney still has that time machine.

Turns out his liberal version tricked him .

That intro makes me so happy.

This is why I never play poker. There are people who can keep a straight face no matter the content. Lol

If everyone gets free chocolate milk, I'd be willing to get behind an eternal president Romney 🤣🤣🤣

Time travel is not a short-cut. It's hard work.

2:30 top line: *Show your allegiance to his Romnesty*

Hmmm, this is actually more believable than Fox News.

@joetrump2983

4 жыл бұрын

And CNN

@mashucha

4 жыл бұрын

And OAN

@Artyomthewalrus

4 жыл бұрын

And SANTA

@Marshall.R

4 жыл бұрын

@Pecu Alex I mean yeah, one of them could be plausible and truthful and the other is Fox News

@JesterJones

3 жыл бұрын

And DIBF

Whatever happened to that Obama guy who ran against President and Supreme Leader of the Universe, Romney?

I love how they worship Mormon Mitt by drinking chocolate milk. Perfect.

And a blessed Mitt to you, my dear.

I hate politics I can only watch the onion. You keep all of this sane

That was the best clip I have ever seen from the Onion! Perfect title too...

This was such a trip! The Onion is amazing

So, about those time wraiths chasing him....

Funny that, now he's known as a 'Rino' by the newly radicalised party majority.

Excellent shift to the newscasters change because of time travel. You should do more of these

...well, this one has aged like the wine Mitt doesn't drink.

2:11 Good night sweet Prince.

That's what would happen if Romney was elected

Romney said he would not use the time machine anymore and then an hour later said he will.

Even being a brit who knows bugger all about yank politics this still cracks me up.

Eternal President Romney has 47% chance of accomplishing that goal and with 53% chance of failure. All Hail Eternal President Romney. GOOD MITT TO YOU!

I’m calling it now, when the Loki TV show comes, a lot of people are going to be in these comments talking about the time travel and faceless men.

he's gonna have to go to the future lol

Damn it worked… Romney actually did it, and it’s affected my KZread algorithm all the way in 2022.

Love the opening Graphics

because of the butterfly effect

Thank you so much for this video.

Unironically the somewhat plot of an anime

I miss this production value from the onion. They still do a lot of good work, but these TV news segments are missed.

cunning, but how come they still knew about the old photo of Romney? It was erased from history after all.

@Artyomthewalrus

4 жыл бұрын

Because he botched it. He didn't have the guts to kill himself, and merely tackled himself instead. This is not a great enough event to meaningfully change history.

Time machine is a recurring topic of onions. Perhaps they really DO have a time machine

It's wonderful that KZread allows us to relive the glory days of the Onion

I love how overly dramatic the intro is

0:23 The Onion predicted Russian white house?

Mandatory health insurance: no. Mandatory chocolate milk, now THAT'S statism I can get behind!

That is the most amazing intro ever. Its all epic and dramatic!

1:05 Wait, how do they have the original photo if it was never taken in our timeline? PARADOX!

He's a neocon, with emphasis on "Con."

This is how 2020 began...

Lol at the intensely conservative ad before an Onion video. Way to know your audience

In 2012 this was satire. In 2020, this is reality.

@matthew8153

2 жыл бұрын

You mean the Pfizer election? Yeah And we don’t even get chocolate milk this time :(

I think this is what Trump did...he is after all used to be a "Democrat". Lol!

@AF-tv6uf

4 жыл бұрын

"If there's one person I can trust with knowledge of the future, it's my fellow rich liberal yankee Donald!" -Mitt Romney, alternate 2012.

@crugleberryandfriends4740

4 жыл бұрын

As a person trump is actually liberal, but as a businessman, he realized he had a better chance of winning the election as a Republican and it worked

When Romney turns the Onion Presenter into Racheal Maddow, we truly are living in the worst timeline.

@matthew8153

2 жыл бұрын

It’s worse, in this timeline Madcow isn’t drinking milk.

Note how at 1:48 the Mitts, plural in the news ticker changes to Mitt, singular LOL

How about the fact that his dad was on welfare. Would he go back and "fix" that?

@ZhangtheGreat

9 жыл бұрын

+jcrowley1985 Of course. He doesn't want anyone to think that liberalism runs in his family now, does he? =)

If this was true, just the fact that he would have built a time machine would be more than enough reason for me to vote for him. I wouldn't care WHAT his positions on common issues are. He could be saying "eat the babies, burn the poor, and launch all the oil into space in hollowed out redwood trees" and I'd just say "oh, ok, he must have some 7th dimensional chess reason for that".

Great graphics my dudes. Hilarious. Top work

Hey, you're right. I wonder if the editors were aware of that.

OMG! Could you exaggerate anymore on the graphics!?

@OatmealTheCrazy

6 жыл бұрын

Heavyboxes DIY Master That's on purpose

Clearly he failed. The only romney in our world is NOT a republican. As much as he pretends to be one.

@alexwyckoff8962

3 жыл бұрын

Bro, Romney is the MOST Republican person in the Senate lmao. The Republican platform is fiscal responsibility, small government, family values, and market-based solutions. In the era of Trump, most Republicans don't stand for anything even close to this. Trump and Congressional Republicans expanded government and quadrupled the deficit--even before COVID began they had already doubled it despite inheriting a bull market, surging economy, and 73 consecutive months of job growth. And Trump was literally talking about nationalizing American private companies. Romney stands for all that stuff... modern Republicans do not. The Republican Party's a fucking joke party that doesn't even have a policy platform to put forward anymore. Their entire movement is just "stick it to the libs" and "bow down to daddy Trump." They have no serious vision for this country, only random kooks like MTG spewing conspiracy theories about secret Jewish space lasers.

@teddyjones3093

3 жыл бұрын

Wrong, he's a right-winger in a far-right party. That's why he stands out. But he actually has policy positions, unlike the rest of the cowards in the Republican Party whose only ideology is kissing Trump's ass.

@alexwyckoff8962

3 жыл бұрын

@@teddyjones3093 Fucking right? I hate his vision for governance, to be sure, BUT AT LEAST HE FUCKING HAS ONE. The current Republican party is a bunch of mediocre cowards and idiots with no platform to speak of. "Own the libs" and "omg Jewish space lasers" aren't fucking policy. How anyone can vote for such idiocy is beyond me.

@teddyjones3093

3 жыл бұрын

@@alexwyckoff8962 Exactly.

@teddyjones3093

3 жыл бұрын

@Leonard Wolf Obama was the worst President in modern history? What planet are you living on?? Bush received a country that was booming, with a budget surplus. He left with a net private sector job loss, incredible amounts of debt and deficit, two extremely unpopular wars, and the subprime mortgage crisis and Great Recession. Obama received that same terrible recession, wars, and a huge deficit. He managed to bring the country out of recession, cut the deficit in half from Bush's, and by the time he left office the country had had steady job growth for like three years with the unemployment dropping as well. He also managed to pass a healthcare law that with all its flaws, expanded healthcare to millions of people. He also lowered taxes on most Americans by extending Bush's tax cuts. Trump had a good economy to start, then he expanded on that and lowered the unemployment rate to record lows but ended up fumbling the COVID response as well as other stuff that I'm not going into right now.

darn, you beat me to his using the time machine for retroactive retirement...

I heard the reporter chuckle. lmao

If anybody tries to alter the past nothing will happen to the future, cause they did travel back in time, but also a different dimension so when they return nothing will be changed except the dimension he alters

@Choicexband

6 жыл бұрын

Aldin true, but I guess romney travels to a timeline where his changes actually take effect?

@goodolnonamee

6 жыл бұрын

I believe going back in time results in going to a different dimension (or creating a new timeline) but going forward means going forward in the different timeline/dimension. That however means that in the base timeline he simply dissapeared with the time machine and never returned so he would be presumed dead and no one would try to recreate the time machine due to a lack of effect in the base timeline/dimension

@chrisdelzell8467

6 жыл бұрын

Or for those who took calculus instead of pop scifi... Just... no, nothing like that. Causality is causal.