Use my code "BLAZE" to get $5 off your delicious, high-protein Magic Spoon cereal by clicking this link: magicspoon.com/blaze Thanks to Magic Spoon for the sponsorship.

@magus104

Жыл бұрын

I keep wanting to try magic spoon but if it is healthier than normal cereal then that whole stereotype of healthier food costs way more sure rings true. at $10 per box when a similar size of the name brand cereals would be $2.60

@PraiseTheFSMonster

Жыл бұрын

@Simon It's SO gross when you burp. I think most of us would appreciate it if you edited out your burps into the mic

@waitingforanalibi2224

Жыл бұрын

Those "skater belts" I'm on the same page as you on this one. Useful, yet a bit TOO casual! We need a more bespoke version!

@xevsetter1201

Жыл бұрын

Actually magic spoon has so many carbs it's unbelievable!

@PraiseTheFSMonster

Жыл бұрын

@@xevsetter1201 Well ya, cereal is mostly made from carbs

If simon narrated my GPS I would never get where I was going but I'd have some amazing adventures along the way.

Жыл бұрын

Random tangent every 4-8 directions.

@stateofkansass

Жыл бұрын

@ it would so be worth it lol 🤣

@JootjeJ

Жыл бұрын

Zen navigation!

@notaspy1227

Жыл бұрын

You would have to pull over and wait for the Tangents to stop. Honestly if AI ever gets advanced enough to mimic a Simon Whistler Tangent we as a species are in trouble.

@stateofkansass

Жыл бұрын

@@notaspy1227 I think we're already there

Simon blaming his son for the cutlery when he’s obviously taken all the spoons to eat his cereal in the office 🙄😂

Simon: "Sorry to just go off on a tangent immediately." Me: "The tangents are literally why I watch more business blaze than the rest of Simons content put together."

@Hollylivengood

Жыл бұрын

Remember when there was somewhat information to learn about on here? I used to like it, and it was bothersome to deal with the tangents. Now I'm like you, and there is no other reason I watch this except to laugh hysterically at whatever.That's it. I've joined the cult. I'll be wearing Vassey's soon.

@sventer198

Жыл бұрын

😂

@anthonyfrench3169

6 күн бұрын

Yes, it's like he did the rest of his channels and he decompressed doing Brain Blaze

"What is my purpose?" "You deliver toilet paper" "Oh my god"

@myrlyn1250

Жыл бұрын

And this is when AI decided humanity needed to end.

I've actually attached a microcontroller to a toilet roll holder that will send me an notification on the phone if someone uses the spare roll and doesn't put a new one back within an hour. Guess I'm one invention step ahead of Charmin...

Lock Picking Lawyer tried to lock his wife's ben&jerry's with one of those in hopes that she would be willing to pick it with him, he found it the next day with the bottom cut off and seran wrap over the opening.

honestly, I'd just watch Simon ramble on with no script and just enjoy his ever constant decent into insanity

@catdaddy9626

Жыл бұрын

Always great.

Danny has to use plastic cutlery. If he had metal cutlery he could use it to escape the basement.

I haven't laughed so much in a while. Pointless stories, weird or dumb inventions, Simon being Simon. I am smiling.

@gazamataz6839

Жыл бұрын

the unacknowledged belch at 15.55. Amazing!

@TrogdorElite6

Жыл бұрын

I am sitting here over lunch in my shared office just cracking up!

6:44 I call it a toast rack. I dunno if Sam was taking the piss or if he misunderstood, but Simon describes the little metal rack you put toast in after it's toasted to serve it, not the actual machine that toasts it.

@pheenix135

Жыл бұрын

Came to the comments to say this. We had a toast rack when I was growing up but they seem to be a thing of the past tbf

@Laurastar2009

Жыл бұрын

@@pheenix135 I think I've only ever seen them in B&Bs.

@samuel_avila

Жыл бұрын

I did both 😂

@imnotyourfriendbuddy1883

Жыл бұрын

That sounds like the most unnecessary kitchenware in the world. what's wrong with a plate?

@SassyGirl822006

Жыл бұрын

​@@imnotyourfriendbuddy1883it's generally used in when making many slices of toast at once, for several people. It keeps the toast in a position where it doesn't get effected by steam while people decide how many slices they actually want to eat, and when during the meal.

Here's an AI we could actually use: a public bathroom that's capable of figuring out if you've purposely destroyed it out of malice and locks you inside until you clean up your mess.😂

I feel your pain on the missing cutlery. After my 22 yr old son moved out our spoons stopped going missing.

@jessejoyce1295

Жыл бұрын

Heroin?

@clueless4085

Жыл бұрын

Heroin.

@captainspaulding5963

Жыл бұрын

ALLEGEDLY

Simon should narrative books on tape, and Danny should randomly insert his intro into every project with Simon's knowledge 😂

@springy1502

Жыл бұрын

Simon doing a deathworlder story would be grate

@calebbean1384

Жыл бұрын

I want the color out of space by Lovecraft but with him commenting on every development

@stevenjlovelace

Жыл бұрын

Super Epic Blaze: Simon reads Lord of the Rings, with commentary.

@jond661

Жыл бұрын

​@@stevenjlovelacewould take seasons

@thetangieman3426

Жыл бұрын

OMG These are ALL amazing ideas. I want Simon to read the Star Wars screenplays. Also with Kevin & Danny commentary. For reasons.

Nothing like Simon just pulling a knife and stabbing the table. This is the kind of chaotic energy that made this channel great.

@Hollylivengood

Жыл бұрын

I'm still recovering from that one. I don't know if there's some psychology about the timing with the screamy edit or what. My son is standing here laughing at my laughing. Legend.

Right before my car accident I bought a 10lb bag of assorted mini candy bars for halloween. My uncle ate the whole bag while I was in the hospital.

As for the loosening belt after a big meal, it is a thing. Gorging on a hefty meal can lead to bloating in addition to the expansion of the stomach. The other part of it is while yes the stomach sits higher than the belt line, it expands outward and gravity wants to pull it down on the belt. Loosening it makes it feel less compressed and more comfortable. Personally I'm more a fan of just undoing the belt, and if need be, the button and fly as well. (NOT RECOMMENDED IN A PUBLIC SETTING)

@necieau2700

Жыл бұрын

My sisters and I ritually defly after a family get together

If only Simon had a channel where instead of sitting at his desk to record, he could stand up, maybe roam a little bit... 😂

@Mr2winners

Жыл бұрын

It is called businesses blaze ...

Simon randomly bringing a bad ass knife out then stabbing it into the desk like a bad ass is so cool. 😂

@Stonegolem6

Жыл бұрын

True, but it does make me question the 'cold read' status of this one. Maybe he has to keep his fun knives at work because of the kiddos.

@richardaubrecht2822

Жыл бұрын

Knives are where the basement is...

@NathanNGM

Жыл бұрын

Wait. When TF did that happen! Time stamp?

@pixelapocrypha

Жыл бұрын

I like how for the following shots the knife was included right over where the chair in the background is, as if it were a special guest lol.

@slayingroosters4355

Жыл бұрын

Yeah but he renerded himself by calling, Ch Ch Ch Ch Charmin, sharmin for 10 minutes 😂

I want Simon to wear a Belty just so we can watch him yell at it like he yells at Peter.

@caseydykes117

Жыл бұрын

Yes

@necieau2700

Жыл бұрын

Yes

@duncancurtis5108

Жыл бұрын

Simons merry mug on a slice o Tesco bread 🥪 should be put in a glass case and made to replace the Mona Lisa😊

@notyouorme

10 ай бұрын

Simon: "BELTY STOP VIBRATING!!! I'LL ROAM TO GET HOME!!! Belty is such a piece of..."

@chucku.farley3927

6 ай бұрын

who is Peter ?

1:20 - Chapter 1 - Selfie toast 2:10 - Mid roll ads 3:45 - Back to the video 8:35 - Chapter 2 - The belty 13:45 - Chapter 3 - The charmin rollbot 19:10 - Chapter 4 - The ecology shoe 22:15 - Chapter 5 - Ben & jerry's euphori lock

Simon saying 'tummy', straight-faced, sent me. You're a treasure, whistleboy

I’m Midwest American. I don’t know a person that doesn’t have disordered eating. I blows my mind every time Simon shares his connection to food. It’s as if his emotions are not tied to eating in ANY way. And as an American woman. That shit is weeeeeird.

@Bass.sick.b1tch

6 ай бұрын

This is truth ❤❤❤

Simon, I had the same problem with one of my kids throwing away cutlery. Every time she ate a pudding cup, she'd throw away the plastic cup and the non-plastic spoon. It took entirely too long for me to figure out where my spoons were disappearing to.

@PrisonKilljoy

Жыл бұрын

Do they grow out of it? My son is 32 and this is still a problem...

@83gemm

Жыл бұрын

My parents couldn’t figure out where all our forks were going. One day they caught my toddler brother wandering off with one, which solved one part of the mystery, but they still didn’t know where he was stashing them. Cut to months later and they found them all shoved down a heating vent. 😂

My daughter went through a phase of throwing out her forks after eating also. When she was like 4 or 5 she'd use it to scrape any remaining food off her plate into the trash then drop the fork in there before puting the plate in the sink. I was down like a half dozen forks before I noticed.

@captainspaulding5963

Жыл бұрын

A lot of kids do this!! I remember when I was in elementary school (mid 80's) in our lunch room, the trash cans had magnetic lids that would catch all the silverware the kiddos tossed out😂

Simon, You should get your youngest child the onesie that works like a dust mop. Got to make your kids earn there keep.

@generallyuninterested4956

Жыл бұрын

Children aren't truly happy unless they're in the mines.

This is the funniest Brain Blaze in a while! I was audibly snorting and gasping with laughter. Well done Danny, Sam and Simon!! Though more cute anecdotes about Simon’s kids would be appreciated. 😊

Tangent in the intro!!! Love it.

I don’t know how far this recording is from the last one I heard about your kid throwing away the cutlery but that’s low key hilarious that he’s still doing it.

Best Belt in existence Kenneth Cole REACTION belt. Adjustable one hand operation Stylish. Also Thumbs Up OG Business Blaze Legends!

My earliest memory is throwing a cup on the ground to see what would happen when I was three or four. Yes kids are like that 😂

So 1. Simon is weird and can reach every area on his back. And 2. Simon has never had to loosen his trousers after gorging himself. What a human 🤣😂

@generallyuninterested4956

Жыл бұрын

Super human

I love it that Simon immediately spotted the problem of the toilet robot. It won’t work. Nothing works. There will always be a moment that all will tricks fail, because you didn’t update them. The only solution is a Japanese toilet, no need for toilet paper.

@u-neekusername4430

Жыл бұрын

Japanese toilets sound simultaneously amazing & terrifying...I would absolutely end up spending my entire first day at a hotel with a Japanese toilet just playing with the toilet. I just might like it so much that I never leave the hotel - terrifying 😂

Simon's increasingly frequent belches are reaching Rick Sanchez levels. Also I'm surprised he doesn't have a bidet. I'm AMERICAN and even I've got one.

Nice touch with the knife brain boy, seriously. So many people I meet these days don't own or carry even a basic pocket knife and it bothers me. Proud of ya

The Euphori-lock is how Danny is secured in the basement.

Simon's so used to ad-reads, he can get on board with any crazy product.

@shaunp9592

11 ай бұрын

Pretty sure "grain free cereal" is an oxymoron.

6:55 They're called toast racks or toast trays, and were particularly popular during the Victorian period, so a lot of the ones sold and manufactured now reference that.

When it comes to #2, if I'm at home, I don't worry about whether or not there's paper in there before I un-trou. The shower is right there for a backup just in case 😅

That story about your kid throwing away cutlery made me laugh, and reminded me of when I used to work in a nursing home - there was a really sweet lady who used to steal the cutlery from the tables in the dining room and put them into the cushion covers in the sitting room, you would go to pick up a cushion and it would jangle.

Have you covered the USB-enabled pet rock? It does exist, really! It does all the same things the old pet rock, but with a USB port. I can’t imagine a more useless product than that.

@oOo0oOo0oOo

Жыл бұрын

v3 will have a power switch

Simon needs to sell toasters that make toast with his face on it.

@jaredkennedy6576

Жыл бұрын

Literally the next hot product for BeardBlaze.

The Selfie Toaster: The last gift you casually give a business partner before they are served with legal documents or an arrest warrant.

Another channel hosted by Simon? I'm convinced he has found a way to make the day longer than 24hrs.

@cncking2000

Жыл бұрын

This channel was where Simon became immortal. OGBB

"Easy, just order a custom metal stencil off the internet and use a blow torch to toast your already toasted toast." - Simon

Thank you Danny for the puns--that Simon either doesnt get, or doesnt acknowledge. You're the only one who does this. Sigh.

Id love to see Simon as a Legend of Zelda style guide like Navi, who follows the player around, guides them on quests and goes on occational tangents. If I were talented enough, Id love to create a Simon inspired Skyrim follower

I want many more desk stabs.

I can honestly say I have never taking a number two without looking for toilet paper first. That seems like it would be a priority

@MrEnjoivolcom1

Жыл бұрын

I envy you. Having a medical stomach issue myself, you'd think I do the same. But sometimes the urge to clear out comes way too quick to check for anything other than the toilet itself. Hopefully, you're wearing socks! Haha 😅

@ptshyu2

Жыл бұрын

@@MrEnjoivolcom1also having stomach issues I’ve been glad to have my pocket knife to cut off shirt sleeves for wiping

@loke6664

Жыл бұрын

Me neither, that sounds like begging for trouble. However if that is a problem for you, maybe invest in one of those fancy Japanese bogs instead that cleans you up itself, you would save both the paper and the silly robot even though it probably would take you a couple of years of paper supply to get that money back but it also is good for the environment and if you had it in 2020 you would have laughed a lot at all people queuing. I mean, there are already a far better although a bit more expensive solution to the problem so why bother with a robot? And it is still better then Simon's wish for a robot that goes out and buy the paper too so even that upgrade wouldn't help (and there the price would probably actually be higher as well).

@nickstav08

Жыл бұрын

I either end up using more than i thought and being left short, or ill have a sudden urge in the middle of the night only to realize i used the last of the role earlier and didnt replace it

@meganrae2508

11 ай бұрын

There are times when it is an emergency…and public toilets tend to have holders where it’s not immediately obvious.

I have to say, a spicy spinach sandwich actually sounds quite good, it's a vegetable thing apparently so it's healthy, I suppose... :P

I've done worse than not checking the roll first. I have, on multiple occasions, noticed the roll was empty, made a mental note to refill it, and then come back hours later with no roll and no hope.

My Gran also had one of those non-electric (not)vacuum cleaners, or, as Eddie Izzard called them(after the sound they made), a "hudder-dudder".

I'm with Simon on the belt thing. I've never had to adjust my belt based on short-term food intake. There have been long-term changes over a period of years but that's a different thing.

@keatoncampbell820

Жыл бұрын

I think it's mostly people thinking it does and therefore experience it, but also i have a few times experienced it. It only happened when I was very hungry, wearing a belt that was already a little tight, and probably a little dehydrated. Anatomically it makes sense, because any displacement in your thorax is going to push on all your guts, because we are already putting pressure on them to keep them in. However the other effect is either bloating or just a large increase in fluid content of the body. People usually drink a lot when they eat a lot, and it would also make sense if they were simply swelling from water intake, and when wearing a leather belt a tiny increase can become extremely tight. It has never happened to me with a cloth friction belt, and never when I wasn't really hungry. Do with this information what you will.

@sipjedekat8525

Жыл бұрын

I did, maybe because I wear my belt relatively tight normally.

@rachelhansen2417

10 ай бұрын

I have a family member with celiac who genuinely bloats whenever they consume wheat.

2:07 already the most relatable video I’ve seen in years. My youngest just turned 6 and I decided it was finally time to invest in new silverware (because cutlery sounds too British)

@thomaslienert4225

Жыл бұрын

And it kind of makes sense when exploring language and meaning like a 3 year-old that cutlery should only include knives, so forks and spoons have to go.

@u-neekusername4430

Жыл бұрын

How about utensils, covers it all. This coming from someone who's mother proudly stressed the silverware was in the China cabinet & only used on special occasions, cutlery was in the block & flatware was in the drawers....cooking is an art & baking is a science, & yes Asperger's can sometimes be inherited. :-)

Simon u wouldnt dream of putting ur face on some toast but its perfectly fine to have it printed on t shirts for others to wear 😂😂😂😂😂😂

First, those adjustable belts absolutely do have nice versions. Second, yes I definitely loosen mine after a large meal, it's so nice because I basically just click the release and it moves a tiny bit.

They had those manual floor sweeper vacuum things in my school growing up, they kinda worked there with the super short dense commercial carpet

Free Danny!

On the belt rant, I recently switched to a semi rigid edc belt. I figgen love it. Being in the uk you're probably not using it for the same reason, but worth a try. You set it to a size and then it just clips after that

Preach Simon. Cutlery problems are for real.

Simon forgot about American food portions, we always gotta loosen the belt

I'm loving the addition of more DBZ memes these days. Thanks Sam! :D

@samuel_avila

Жыл бұрын

Yw!

My grandparents had one of those weird carpet push mowers too. I'm from Germany, that thing apparently knows no borders :D

The custom credits at the end of ssome Brain Blaze episodes... ugh, just *chef's kiss*. Love you, Sam!

😂😅😊 Love how Simon thinks his friend "hid" the wrapper from his chocolate in the bin. Is my house that's called cleaning up after yourself.

Thank you, Sam, for keeping the Beast Wars memes in the toolbox. Can we branch into other Transformers series too? 😀

@samuel_avila

Жыл бұрын

Sure! Though I admit I only know Beast Wars, happy to bingewatch to take some memes out

I Simon a "knife guy"? Or does he just happen to have a random fixed blade knife with a gut hook?

@Stonegolem6

Жыл бұрын

With little kids it makes sense his 'fun' knives would be at work. Maybe it's for a sponser somehow?

Unhinged sprinkled with cute anecdotes and I'm absolutely here for it

Being a truck driver and having to use public washrooms daily, I've learned the hard way to always check the toilet paper status of the stall as I walk in...

While Simon continues doing tangents he probably shouldn't criticize intros.

@DoucheBag8008

Жыл бұрын

BBOG here and i love the long intros

@michaelandrews2619

Жыл бұрын

@@DoucheBag8008 Fucking love intros too!

Look, I'm not saying the old school 'standing and Blazing' was healthier.... but Belty sure as hell is.

The worst TP emergency is when you THINK you have enough and then WW3 breaks free from your colon and you suddenly need so much more toilet paper than expected.

Lmao, Simon absolutely NAILING the skinny-privilege lately 😆 "People loosen their belts? That's not a thing is it?" "People can't touch parts of their backs? I can reach all the way around---it's not a thing is it?" Lol. Yes. These are things. 😂

@faile66

Жыл бұрын

Right? Women especially tend to wear belts higher than men (closer to the waist, not the crotch). And it don't take too many extra pounds to not be able to reach around your back any more 😢

@Wookiee925

Жыл бұрын

I'm pretty fat and have never loosened my belt either 😅

Simon, if you want the perfect adjustable belt with a classy adult style, look into American military belts, specifically canvas web with brass buckle. I have one my uncle got in the navy and it’s the most comfortable belt I’ve ever worn, plain enough it matches everything. Hope this helps. 😊

@linphillips8331

Жыл бұрын

Oh yeah, I used to like my web belt.

My favorite type is the "goose bump dump". Makes my arm hair's stand on end just thinking about it.😂

Simon's tangent about kids in the beginning explains my existence

Simon has obviously never been to an American Thanksgiving. Everyone at some point has eaten too much at Thanksgiving.

@klh_io

Жыл бұрын

It's not about eating too much, it's about loosening the belt not helping anything because the stomach is higher than the belt anyway.

@gabrielpartanen1194

Жыл бұрын

Why would anyone not american go to an American holiday and celebrate it? Have you ever been to an Australia day barbie?

@go4brookle761

Жыл бұрын

@@klh_io if it didn’t this wouldn’t be a trope. But when you eat a lot, you’re usually uncomfortable and loosening your belt make you feel more comfortable.

@go4brookle761

Жыл бұрын

@@gabrielpartanen1194 No. Australia is really far. But if I was visiting/living there I’m sure somebody would invite me to one.

@doctornova3015

Жыл бұрын

He also apparently doesn't have any uncles. I think their job is to loosen their belt after a meal. Yes I am someone's uncle.

If you're ever out of TP just let it dry and peel it off later.

Two thumbs up for the powdered toast man clip! 😂

Oh my, Simon, I have EXACTLY the same problem with my kids and silverware, down to only the forks and knives being left.

Danny and any type of creative but flawed technology makes for a hilarious written episode every time.

Thanks for sharing Simon

Belty yelling at Simon to get off his lazy ass with Simon screaming that he's working sounds like the pitch to a modern day comedy drama. I'd watch it

Wow. I have a really nice leather belt that has a very small hidden section of elastic so when you sit or bend over the belt actually stretches and it’s so amazing.

Best adjustable belt I've ever had just happened to be a gun belt. More accurately it is a belt for concealed carry... yes, I'm American Simon

Simon, Danny has to use plastic cutlery. If he gets real cutlery, he may be able to escape the basement!

Love this show, and Danny you should write an episode just based on Simon's rants, that would be awesome 😂😅

You can get the toaster selfie for about £2.00 if you grill your toast instead of putting it in a toaster. We got a Minion’s one with a cereal once.

Simon, we live for your tangents. Pardon me, I need to interrupt the Charmin TP commercial. I do NOT take my phone in the bathroom. Continue Simon. OMG the vacuum shoes had me in hysterics. Idk why, but I was snickering-trying not to wake my husband-ended up snorting…it’s not healthy to hold in that kind of laughter…it hurts. I didn’t wake up my sugah however. Thanks DANNY, that was terrific. Thanks SIMON.

I'm going to be laughing for a while about the knife > desk > scream > punch sequence. 😂

editing is always amazing!

There is always something strange going on that needs to be figured out...also a random thing going on and you are like 'why' and it somehow falls into place later. The world always amazes me on random and strange things....unique is always interesting.

“I guess I’m taking a SHOWER in the middle of the day” I felt that in my soul Simon ~IBS/IBD

That random puns and the puns which he didn't get or acknowledge cracked me up. 😂

Oh yes the Jesus idea if you worked at a hotel. Just slip one in everyday see how many you can do before management tells you to stop 😂😂

The editor had fun with this one and I love it.

Save the broccoli or cauliflower frozen veggie bag and pop your Ben & Jerry’s pint in there as a hiding place :-)

I want a laser printer to etch Simon’s face on my boiled eggs.

"... but then you use your emergency toilet roll, and then you're back to square one." I see what you did there, Simon. 😂 Even if you didn't.

Yay new business blaze