To answer you question on how i protect myself from myself is by getting distracted or by creating a distraction. Like yourself, i’ve seem 7 therapists in my entire life and none one is able to help but that’s part of the process. Like a soulmate, you will know you met the one on first day or a few sessions but usually you will know. Synchronizing with someone out of your inner circle is dangerous. Our guard is up even when vulnerable. Takes time and patience on both sides of the battlefield. One of these therapist may have the right key to open you further so that ghost can escape and you can heal. You’re not alone brother. Keep fighting those wretched ghosts of yours as i’ve been fighting mine.