Variety with a partner you love and respect can bring you to a level of trust and excitement unimaginable.

God, I wish I'd heard this talk when my wife was still alive and healthy. I would have shared this with her and could have helped us avoid so much emotional pain.

@TerryTibbs57

8 ай бұрын

God bless you brother

@raymondotoole2600

Ай бұрын

You’ll see her when your time is right and you can have a conversation with her. Keep your chin up ! use this energy and see if there’s something else with someone.

For the hobby method to work. Both partners have to have, a reasonable level of interest already. I’m many relationships, one partner will try anything, the other won’t even talk about it.

@donnieearlharrisjr5941

10 ай бұрын

Amen!!

@grote__julia

10 ай бұрын

Sounds like incompatibility to me!

@hanspersson9451

9 ай бұрын

​@@grote__juliasounds like 3 kids and 20 years together to me...

@grote__julia

9 ай бұрын

@@hanspersson9451 seems like that long together would lead to better communication skills!

@hanspersson9451

9 ай бұрын

@@grote__julia That too is something that requires a mutual interest. Life sometimes gets complicated along the way.

I took Ruth's course a few months ago then had a 1:1 session recently and it has simply been life changing. I feel so connected with my husband of 18 years but also much happier and fulfilled in other areas of life - family, work, friendships. Thank you Ruth xxx

@ruthramsay_

10 ай бұрын

Thank you @PriscilaHancock - it's been my honour to help.

@markcavandish1295

10 ай бұрын

I am absolutely looking up her course material. Thanks!

@RiverDogRun

10 ай бұрын

How appropriate- I hit the 69th like.

@ToggleSwitch808

9 ай бұрын

❤❤❤

@tnix80

9 ай бұрын

She literally said nothing

Completely agree with you...even Without changing our partner we may play better if we slightly change our priority👍

The best and more natural advices on this topic I´ve ever heard in my life!!

@ruthramsay_

3 ай бұрын

Thank you! I'm pleased you enjoyed it.

I love how the idea of asking our partner what they feel interested in doing the day in their hobby takes all the expectations away I might have on my partner and keeping it simple! Well said.

@richardpauly1635

10 ай бұрын

Nice pic I bet you keep your partner happy

Brilliant Ruth- a really important message. Thank you x

I know someone who's treated it like this for a long time, he and his polycule are some of the most open people about their needs I've ever known, and that goes far beyond their 'play'. Their levels of communication and respect for boundaries is phenomenal, if someone isn't in the mindset to handle something in the moment they understand how to handle that and return to the topic when they're better grounded for it. Nothing is completely off limits as long as it's approached respectfully and calmly. It's amazing being around people who truly are comfortable with sharing everything about themselves with their partners, it's a thing worth working toward for anyone in a relationship where that level of intimacy is avaliable.

@RustyKnorr

6 ай бұрын

Polycule? Really? Did you just get that on Wordle and had to look it up, and now you have to use it every chance you get? FFS 🤦‍♂️

@ruthramsay_

6 ай бұрын

Great to hear. Poly people and kink people tend to be super-hot on communication, openness and enthusiastic consent. The mainstream world could learn so much from them!

@ebonyblack4563

6 ай бұрын

@@ruthramsay_ Absolutely Agree! That's been my experience being on the fringes of both communities too. The level of interest they expect before engaging in something is a big part of it. If they can't be sure you're really there for whatever they're patient and understanding in a way that was really healing to me after having been in an abusive relationship as a teen; it helped reframe many things into a much healthier place.

Thanks Ruth, well worded. It’s how I think about it, but didn’t have the words. This will help many❤

Ruth this is so amazing!!! You spoke so well x

@ruthramsay_

9 ай бұрын

Thank you Louise 🙂

Couldn't agree more and such a perfect analogy to remove the stigma from thinking and talking about it. Great job!

@ruthramsay_

9 ай бұрын

thank you, I'm so glad you liked it!

Totally inspirational talk from an very inspirational woman. Amazing stuff Ruth ❤

@richardpauly1635

10 ай бұрын

Nice pic I bet you keep your men happy

YES RUTH. THATS MY FRIEND 😭😭 being the intelligent legend that she is 💜💜💜 follow her, BOOK HER COURSE. You will never find a safer space discussing these topics than you will with Ruth

Mae West said, "if I got married, I'd have to give up my hobby." I expected this talk to be more like that.

Brilliant talk! So beneficial to be able to communicate openly and overcome the shame.

@ruthramsay_

6 ай бұрын

thank you! So glad to hear you enjoyed it.

Amazingly well done Ruth, so proud of you!!!!

@richardpauly1635

10 ай бұрын

Nice pic

Great stuff Ruth!!❤❤❤

Great talk with relatable examples.. 🙌🏻

I have realized that is exactly what I was doing last several years , but I did not have words to explain, nice approach, thanks. 🙂

@ruthramsay_

8 ай бұрын

Thank you, I'm glad it gave you the words to describe your approach.

Thanks! I appreciate you!

The planning part is easy. Every morning before breakfast. Every evening before sleep, and random times during the day.

Totally makes sense, thanks for revamping.

Such an excellent reframing! Thank you. I was nearly there, as are many of the people I know, but mostly by happenstance - and you just delivered the recipe. I think a bit of scheduling and calling for some training sessions for the upcoming season would be cause for laughs - important! - and simply quite a lot of joy in these parts. I don't think it was mentioned in your talk but there is something powerful in converting expectation (with all the fraughts and perils) into anticipation and excitement (let's see what happens Tuesday).

@ruthramsay_

10 ай бұрын

@Relicarious yes! I love that - converting expectation into anticipation. There were hundreds... thousands... more things I'd have loved to say in the talk, but I only had six minutes. Next time! So glad you enjoyed it, thank you for sharing your thoughts.

@Relicarious

10 ай бұрын

​@@ruthramsay_ I bet there was! And that conversion speaks to a lot of things also from the wisdom of Emily Nagoski - I assume you are familiar, if not, you will find something there with which I bet you will align very well - and for me is about moving out of the critical mindset and make space for creaticity and exploration. "Next time", you say - Yes! I will look forward to more of what you wish to share.

Bravo! Positive, exceptional advice - I like that view! Thank you

Interesting and inspiring approach❣

Nothing short of genius. Thanks for the knowledge.

@ruthramsay_

10 ай бұрын

@huub245 so happy it landed so well for you. Enjoy putting it into practice!

@AA-qg2hu

10 ай бұрын

Looking at Ruth’s collar 👀🧐

Absolutely love this reframe! Thank you for the valuable and inclusive work you do.

@robbarrell

10 ай бұрын

Unless they’re an Olympic pro

Awesome Ruth I'm so happy this is out there. Well done xx

@ruthramsay_

10 ай бұрын

@djdavidphillips thank you so much. A TEDx talk from you next??

What an amazing presentation

Good analogy Ruth, even experienced couples can get better with a little good coaching.

Ruth is fantastic, and we love this talk 👏

3:20 Most of what we are told when we are young is what can go wrong. 4:15 Let's start thinking about it like a hobby. This is a positive affirmative. 6:05 Skill remember: Communication, creativity, empathy.

My Love and I do the exact thing and have the exact attitude as she says. I feel so good that we follow unconsciously those best practices.

@ruthramsay_

9 ай бұрын

That's great to hear!

@JeuanS

3 ай бұрын

Want to live the dreams, Mr Pool

Amazing Ruth. ❤❤

Amazingly conveyed❤❤,

"We just hope we'll spontaneously want it at the same time"

Have been a practioneer of this idea for 50 years, she is correct.

@ruthramsay_

9 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your life experience, that's great to hear!

Brilliant comparison ..! Thank you

@ruthramsay_

9 ай бұрын

I'm glad you liked it - thank you for commenting 🙂

Thanks for your advice. I’ve since started a tennis league. I have matches all week long now.

Great analogy

Amazing Ruth!

probably the best tedx i've ever seen

Great presentation!

she just loves it, it shines all the way through her

Thank U!! That is very very good!👏👏👏👏

Very well explained and informative accurate video. Thank you for sharing

@ruthramsay_

9 ай бұрын

I am glad you found it useful, thank you for your feedback 🙂

brilliant talk

Great talk, I totally agree

@ruthramsay_

10 ай бұрын

@barrysmith8920 thank you!

Flawless presentation.

I LOVE IT!!!

Awesome analogy and talk thank you Ruth 😀

@ruthramsay_

3 ай бұрын

Happy you enjoyed it. Hope you have fun putting it into practice!

Thank you! Wonderful comparing🎉

@ruthramsay_

9 ай бұрын

I'm glad you found it a useful watch 🙂

Super well done Ruth , may it get seen by many x

@drusmith6463

10 ай бұрын

concur!,,, already waiting at the pub!!

@ruthramsay_

10 ай бұрын

Thank you so much! I'm amazed and delighted with viewing figures so far!

Fantastic talk. Thank you.❤

@ruthramsay_

8 ай бұрын

I hope you enjoy putting it into practice!

Thank you.

So simple and obvious - I can't wait to re-frame :)

Well done Ruth. Proud of you!

Great article 👏

@paulmeszesan8970

10 ай бұрын

❤

@richardpauly1635

10 ай бұрын

Nice pic and 😃

Thank you

Step 1: find a partner

@tingting6889

Ай бұрын

Thats asking alot these days haha

@kevinfocht6982

Ай бұрын

😂

God bless you woman.

For many people it is not about the choice. Its about being with a person that does not turn you on but a person with who you have children and leaving is a high cost. I agree with the hobby statement.

@melmier3500

9 ай бұрын

But you've chosen to have children and to be a Family?!

@schroederluck7984

9 ай бұрын

@@melmier3500consider the possibilities. Maybe their partner ballooned up to 300 pounds and are not physically attractive anymore.

@melmier3500

9 ай бұрын

@@schroederluck7984 we don't know what Future hold. I guess I'm a little bit tired of people acting like they don't have a choice. Humans Change and our bodies are changing as Well. Gainig weight can have a Lot of different reasons. Would be great if a Partner can help and motivate to Change a Lifestyle amd behavouir and sometimes accept a Situation If the reason are health issues for example. I guess I'm a little bit tired of people blaming others and acting like they don't have a choice. We tend to be lazy and are often not willing to change something even if we are not happy. Love and grattitude are powerful 🌤️💕 Wish you all the best

@mabriff

7 ай бұрын

@@schroederluck7984 Exactly. The love is still there, but physical attraction is a real struggle.

@ShrinkiesWife

16 күн бұрын

@@schroederluck7984 MFT for couples therapy is an option.

Brilliant!

Great talk! I 100% agree

@ruthramsay_

8 ай бұрын

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed the talk.

Grateful for this reframe.

@ruthramsay_

9 ай бұрын

Glad you found it useful, thank you for commenting 🙂

I love this!

All I can say is - she found a platform to speak her fav hobby and also do business. 😄😃

@charliexu5139

10 ай бұрын

Business for sure.

The Hobby analogy assumes that both partners have an interest in that Hobby. I married someone that later came out as asexual and can attest that this definitely is not always the case

@davidjennings2179

9 ай бұрын

Not everyone likes tennis either.

@thatoneguy1821

9 ай бұрын

@@davidjennings2179 And?

@davidjennings2179

9 ай бұрын

@@thatoneguy1821 It doesn't assume both partners have an interest in the hobby, the video is just addressing the situation where they are both interested. The analogy still works if they aren't, it just assumes the connection is clear. If someone doesn't like tennis no one is making them play (hopefully).

@ruthramsay_

9 ай бұрын

@thatoneguy1821 mismatched interest in 'the hobby' is the most common issue people are describing in the comments under my talk... I will be preparing a workshop or resource around this soon. Thank you for sharing your situation.

@teinspringz

7 ай бұрын

​@@ruthramsay_ Interested to know if this workshop is called divorce and legal uncoupling

If people evolve constantly trying to do new things.... You dont need a new person, you renew yourself...

Excellent lecture!

@ruthramsay_

8 ай бұрын

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

What a wonderful talk! ❤

@ruthramsay_

3 ай бұрын

thank you, I'm delighted you enjoyed it so much :)

Thank you for this! Great job!

@ruthramsay_

8 ай бұрын

Glad you enjoyed it, thank you for commenting.

Well done Ruth! 👏🏼

Thank you Ramsay for your epic bliss story. I'm an intermediate English learner. I've first heard most comprehensible talk in TED talk. I would like to make this video my textbook. But when I'd encounter that 3 letters, my solo violent activity would come not to be stopped even if I'd grit my teeth. I hope these three letter would be changed into 'it' or 'debate' or better stuff.

I have always approached it this way. It is a hobby.

Absolutely communication is important with your partner. If you cant talk about what you want then you are with the wrong partner. 😉😊

@desertsunset8025

10 ай бұрын

I don't think she is promoting divorce or breaking up from a meaningful relationship .

@heatherstocker4171

9 ай бұрын

Or you've been raised in a very conservative household.

@MindyTunnell

6 ай бұрын

Absolutely not true.

Always has and is STILL my favorite hobby😉🔥💓

must watch for everyone

Foi com esse vídeo que eu comecei a praticar tênis, mudou minha vida

Wise words :) liked so much!

I'm glad she mentioned "including solo."

amazing!!!

Sounds so good. Thanks

Wow hahaha this is exactly what my mom thought me when I was a teenager in the 2000’s. She thought me to see it as a hobby, like tennis! It was such a good lesson for me! ❤

@ruthramsay_

8 ай бұрын

That's amazing that your Mom described it this way!

@RustyKnorr

6 ай бұрын

It’s TAUGHT, not thought. Maybe she should have also taught you how to spell. 🤦‍♂️

@adunknowng

6 ай бұрын

​@@RustyKnorrI tawt I taw a puddy tat

I've always have done what she said and even treated it like a creative art form. I guess as a musician taking any subject, activity, sport whatever it's just seams so simple to just try and get creative in whatever you do and the most important part is have fun with it. I've don't that with many things I won't go into. But lol the hard part is finding a partner or people on the same page. Because with women one day they are on the same page and then down the rd, whoa, a totally different person and not into it with the same passion. Yeah I know we all get old and change but as the saying goes it take *two* to tango, and because of that reason what I have created solo wise is just well super epic! I always look forward to tomorrow - solo wise, so if a partner or my partner is not into it who cares! Solo will `always come first, the rest will just be a bonus, because I can always count on me lol being there... Peace

@apeschell

10 ай бұрын

We have a master debater here.

@mobilemcsmarty1466

10 ай бұрын

with you on that my friend. this message is really to women. men already get it. sadly and generally it falls on deaf ears. good thing that we can entertain ourselves no matter what 😎

@toothnail605

10 ай бұрын

@@mobilemcsmarty1466 Agreed!

This was great. Good stuff. I need to listen again so I can get better at tennis.

@user-cq6uj9xs8q

2 ай бұрын

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@user-cq6uj9xs8q

2 ай бұрын

This is my iñtrest request

As with any sport, to be your best, you need to practice often and with as many opponents as possible.

Interesting approach! We decided to take a hobby and never came back to sexe! Both our quality of lifes actually greatly improved in doing it. Yes indeed hobbies are great things to do.

@docwatson1134

10 ай бұрын

Please tell...what hobbies?

@anthonyb5630

10 ай бұрын

What hobby?

@kimi651

9 ай бұрын

Hobby: side chick, 😂😂

if you want to get better in tennis, you can't play with the same person every time 😅

@_paper_chase_

10 ай бұрын

Facts! 😂😂

@quazzydiscman

10 ай бұрын

That's absolutely not true... Clearly you don't know much about "tennis" 😂

@Qeybdiid25

10 ай бұрын

Haraam

@gabi_cnd

10 ай бұрын

You can. But the other person has to put time and interest in the tennis journey too. You can find a new way of seeing a tennis match if your partner is willing to do some changes too, and try new things. We don't need different people, we need different mindsets. Tho, it's good to try playing with people that are open minded, so you can learn how to play and find joy in the journey

@gijsleffelaar908

10 ай бұрын

Mixed double is the best game.😅

This is for apsolute beginnerss ❤❤❤❤❤❤

Amazing speech keep on sharing your thoughts. john tenuto motivational

Simply brilliant, thank you!!

@ruthramsay_

8 ай бұрын

I'm glad you enjoyed it 🙂

Communication , Creativity, Empathy

My wife of 24 yrs play tennis everyday! We both love TENNIS but only together no doubles!

It's a hobby indeed. But when you are looking for a partner who is a good fit, finding out that you shre other hobbies is a lot more important than this one if you are looking for compatibility in those areas as well. But let's not forget that compatibility in this hobby is important as well for a relationship to last. Thanks for the inspring moment. Oh, and: cool necklace of sorts, too. Somebody can be really proud of you.

@ruthramsay_

9 ай бұрын

@EricB256 thank you for sharing your thoughts and feedback. Yes compatibility across the board is so important!

@CodyAdams-pf9un

9 ай бұрын

I think similar goals and values are the only important part in marriage psychology studies. Don't really need to both to enjoy tennis and true crime shows.

It's Interesting actually.

Кира, спасибо за то, что смогли додавить Александра Александровича на интервью))

Thankyou ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤!!!

What a fantastic idea 👍